Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:

father nd son [Read it]


Son:wots the next country afta USA
Father:USB


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-23 18:14:41

323 Views



APC CHANGE [Read it]


A teacher in ogbomosho asked his students, 1+1= ?.
A student stood up and said 4. An old man passing by overhead the response, he shook his head and said: "This APC government will kill us in this country. Everything has increased, dollar, transport fare, foodstuff, beer, ...everything. Even 1+1 that used to be 2 has now gone up to 4..."???.....


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-16 12:11:31

388 Views




The maid asked for an increase in salary, and the wife was upset. She asked, "Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"

HELEN: There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you.
WIFE: Who said that?
HELEN: Your husband.
WIFE: Oh.
HELEN: The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.
Wife: Who said that?
HELEN: Your husband.
WIFE: Oh.
HELEN: The third reason is that I am better at sex than you.
WIFE: Did my husband say that as well?
HELEN: No, the gardener did.
WIFE: So, how much do you want?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-03 07:12:41

233 Views




Sir:Aisa Muhaavra batao jisme do bodyparts ho,jaise for e.g. 1-Bina Sar Pair Ki Baat Karna 2-Haath Pair maarna

.

Santa:Gand Me Ungli KarnaRelated

Arj Kiyaa Hai:

Tum Se Nazar Milaate Hi;

Bhadak Uthe Mere Dil Mein;

Mohabbat Ke Shole;

Ole Ole Ole, Ole Ole Ole!Related

little Brother [Read it]


A guy brought a lady into his room. The guy pulled his pant off, "Lady! Meet my little brother!" 


The lady turned to leave and shouted, "When he grows up, call me back!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-22 17:35:27

220 Views



Crazy wife [Read it]


In the middle of the night, she was sleeping and suddenly woke up and shouted, Get up! Get up! Quick, my husband is back!

I got up and jumped out through the window, and injured myself, and then realised, and said to myself, Damn! I am the husband.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-27 07:45:30

221 Views




Ebuka told his Oga to pick him up after his WAEC Commerce exam at d Commercial Secondary School where he registered. He was given d question paper and one of d questions read: "Differentiate between a Warehouse and a Shop" (20marks) 
After much thinking he smiled and wrote his answer as fast as he could: Warehouse is at Ojota while Shop is at Alaba market. Then he submitted d paper and went to meet his Oga:
OGA: Ebuka, how far? How e be? 

EBUKA: E dey so simple Oga. Question number three say make we differentiate between a warehouse & a shop. 
OGA: Ehen-ehen...Wetin u come write?
EBUKA: Hmmm. I write say "warehouse dey for Ojota & shop dey for Alaba. 
OGA: So na d only thing wey u write be dat? 
EBUKA: Yes Oga. 
OGA: Chinekemee!!! U dey craze Common go back & put d phone numbers & our complete address. silly boy! Na so una dey lose customers!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-07 10:20:48

373 Views



indian film [Read it]


Only in indian film that a teacher
will catch somebody with expo
and they'll start dancing


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-17 22:31:57

444 Views



Psalm 23(remix) [Read it]


JUST FOR FUN!!! Psalms 23 (remix)
.
1. If i login to Facebook, i shall not work.
2. It makes me to go to bed in the mid-
night. It leads me to fall into stagnant
waters.
3. It is installed in my phone. It leads me
into the habit of laziness for chat’s sake.
4. Even though i walk through the middle of
the road, i fear no vehicle, for you are in my
brain; your sweetness and fun, they
influence me.
5. You prepare a list of friends request in a
tabular form before me in the absence of
my friends, you annoy me with
notifications, when i’m online.
6. Surely good network and megabytes shall
follow my phone all the days of my life so
that i can login, and i shall be online on
facebook. So help me battery.
Remix your own, i don do my own



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-05 01:00:56

1859 Views




I want u to know dat you're alway a lovely girl. Coz u are de only one i got right now i know u will be surprised to receive a letter from me but i had no other option to report to. Ur thought have been constantly running in my mind through out de night as it gushed like a wind in my heart. I think of u, i am hit with conflicting emotion nd don't know hw to xpress or convey myself. U don't know wat u've done to me nd now i cannot think of anytinx beyond u. My day start with u nd end with u, u are my world. I don't know wat i've eva don to receive such a sweet 4get in form of u. U are my best, my sweetest, my most genuine, nd de must loving person, i do not only luv u but i respect u nd have all my admiration in store for u. I don't know hw to thank god but all i know is to luv u now nd forever nd always hold you close to my heart i promise. I would have been lost without u. I luv u babe.
The girl replied "i luv u if and only if u will give my bold5


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-02 10:05:55

982 Views



??????:- …. [Read it]


??????:- ???? ????? ?? ?
.
.
???? : 5 ???? ????
.
.

?????? :- ???????? ??? ?? ??? ?? ??????, ???????????? “Xender” on ??????????????

????????????????????????????????????????????Related

OREGUN BOYS (STORY BY DINDY) EPISODE 2

Please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this story.
:.........
Chuks and Micheal stayed in a hotel where they did their illegal works with laptops and some other stuffs.
Micheal: "I no just understand this people again", he said as he punched the keyboard on his laptop.
Chuks: "Wetin happen", he said as he operated his phone.
Micheal: "sheybe you remember that oyimbo I tell you about wey one wire 2 million into my account", he said.
Chuks: "Yes na I remember the man", he said.
Micheal: "The man done dey change mind o", he said.
Chuks: "Na f*ck up be that o", he said.
Micheal: "I no know wetin i go do", he said unhappily.
Micheal: "Him tell me say my offer no worth the money", he said sadly.
Chuks: "Guy no worry i go help you, but only on one condition", he said.
Micheal: "[Happy] Guy anything my guy, i go do am i swear", he said with his eyes still looking at his laptop.
Chuks: "You go buy me drinks and two fresh cunts wey never yeye go follow am o", he said.
Micheal: "[Laughs] Guy you funny o, you too like enjoyment", he said.
Chuks: "Guy Shey you gree?", he asked.
Micheal: "Yes yes, I gree just help me abeg", he said pleading.
Chuks: "Ok, see just give the man another offer", he said.
Chuks: "Give am that kin offer wey Segun give that Chinese woman last month", he said.
Micheal: "You sure say e go work?", he asked.
Chuks: "Na wa you o, you know say oyimbo people like that kin offer wey be say them go benefit from am for years to come", he said.
Micheal: "Thanks bro I owe you", he said with a smile.
Chuks: "Yes you owe me drinks and two fresh cunts", he said as he opened up his laptop
Micheal: "[Laughs] I don hear", he said as he continued what he was doing.
Micheal and Chuks were hustling their way (which was illegal) to make more money, after they had spent the last 5million they made on the last job they did.
Frank and Godwin were heading to another hotel to see two girls which they had invited too spend a night with them.
Frank: "So wassup with that stuff na?", he asked.
Godwin: "Mehn that thing no sure o, I mean am", he said.
Frank: "Ah na F up be that na, after all the arrangement and packaging wey dem do", he said.
Godwin: "Well I no know wetin to talk", he said.
Frank: "Shey another way no dey again?", he asked.
Godwin: "My guy, no other way o", he replied.
Frank: "So na like that I just waste my money go", he said.
Godwin: "Guy you no waste am, e go still come back, I just dey follow you play", he said.
Frank: "Guy you no well o, which kin play be that, I go break your head o", he said hitting Godwin on the head lightly.
Godwin: "Guy na wa you o, you f up. You suppose believe me when I say the thing go click", he said.
Frank: "No vex, but I be human being na. Doubt go dey", he said.
Frank and Godwin had made a business transactions with some hard drug dealers and were to except their money that very morning day.
Godwin: "[Laughs] You too dey hurry ah, cool down", he said.
Frank: "Me go hurry o, money is needed", he said.
Godwin: "Shey be them tell us say na today dem go pay na", he said.
Frank: "ok no wahala but how much be my cut?", he asked?.
Godwin: "Guy na big money sha, no ask me", he said.
Frank: "Ok no wahala", he said.
Godwin: "Guy I hope say you hold C.D there o?", he asked.
Frank: "Wait make I check", he said putting his left hand into his back pocket.
Godwin: "Abeg o no dull me sha, because me no hold", he said.
Frank: "Ah I hold, I get like five for here", he said putting up a smile and removing the C.Ds from his pocket.
Godwin: "Good boy", he said.
Frank: "Who be your boy?", he asked.
Godwin: "Na you na, my small boy Frank", he said smiling.
Frank: "I no give you C.D again, shey na me be boy", he said putting the C.Ds back.
Godwin: "Guy abeg na, ok na me be your boy", he pleaded.
Frank: "If you no beg me well I no go give you", he said.
Godwin: "Guy abeg na, na me, your guy o", he said.
Frank: "You no be my guy, you too dey f up jare", he said.
Godwin: "Guy you dey break my heart na abeg", he said with a fake sad face.
Frank: "[Laughs] person fit break your heart, guy take abeg before you kill me with laughter", he said laughing as he brought out two C.Ds which he had kept back in his back pocket.
Godwin: "Ah! oga me thank you o", he said collecting two C.Ds happily and throwing his hands up and down.
Frank: "[Laughs] Guy you be real actor. You for go dey act movies, I swear you go make am", he said.
Godwin: "For sure na, I go dey act the bed part", he said as he put the C.Ds in his front pocket.
Frank: "Idiot, I know say na that one you go like pass", he said.
Godwin: "You uko, you no like am?", he asked with a smile.
Frank: "Guy me love am o", he said.
Godwin: "And you con dey judge me", he said.
Frank: "No vex but you like am pass me", he said.
Godwin: "I agree with you", he said.
Frank: "Guy i hope say those girls sabi way o?", he asked.
Godwin: "Me sef no sure", he said.
Frank: "Sha the n*de pix wey dem send give us make sense", he said.
Godwin: "No be lie you talk, my body never rest since I see their n*de pix", he said.
Frank: "Asin ehn, tonight I go feel everything", he said.
Godwin: "Guy every every o. top, bottom, underneath, below, behind, and front", he said.
Frank: "[Laughs] Guy I swear you bad noni, no kill that girl o", he said.
Godwin: "No kill wetin, after all na she cause am and she go collect money so she must obey", he said.
Frank: "[Laughs] Bad guy!", he exclaimed.
Godwin: "Because of her I done go learn new style, na die she dey today, I go make sure say I drink better hard drink wey go turn me on fully", he said.
Frank: "[Laughs] Guy no kill that girl o, she be just 16, not go spoil her cunt oo abeg o", he said.
Godwin: "Wetin concern me, Shey na me tell her papa and mama make them no hold their pikin?, she want money so she go fill that empty space wey she cause with her n*de pix", he said.
Seconds later, Frank and Godwin got to the hotel and found the girls already there waiting for them. They both smiled and took the girls to two separate rooms......... To be continue.

STORY BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI
contact me on
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Email: [email protected]
or
Email: [email protected] Facebook: Ossy andy Nnamdi
Skype: 07087750433
or
Skype: [email protected]
Twitter: @nnamdiossy
INSTAGRAM: @ossynnamdi.



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Hey birthday celebrant of dis month. I planned 2 all send u a chicken each,but dey all ran 2 d church sayin 'We shall not die but live!!!' Pls want should i do now


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-02 01:37:35

434 Views




Akpos was in his classroom screaming nd holding is stomach 
Teacher:wat is d matter
Akpos:am having a stomach bite 
Teacher:have u eating this morning
Akpos:yes 
Teacher:and wat did u eat
Akpos:I ate fried rice nd chicken wit little juic
Teacher:in dat case u hv 2 b sick
  In few minutes akpos throw off wat he has eating
Teacher:wat converted the fried rice 2 eba
Akpos:e b like say my belly get conversion 
One word 4 Akpos


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-09 15:18:57

629 Views




Episode 5
on getting back to my class,I met my class mate making noise ,some girls created clique saying or should I say gossiping about things I know doesn't concern them (u know girls na with gossip nature) since there was no teacher in class...I went to my sit to copy the scheme of work given to us by Mrs Ajumobi
from my sit mate isaac who was also my bestie..we have been close friends since primary, he was the gentle type and we share some other similar characters, this made us close as we understand each other irrespective of our tribe and religion( he was the son of a pastor while I hailed from the Islamic family)
me: hw fa guy, abeg give me ur note, I wan write that scheme of work Mrs ajumobi give us
Isaac : wetin u been dey think for class then ?( giving me a questioning look)
me : guy you no fit understand o
Isaac : make me na or u dey hide something from me
I was about giving him a reply when Nicky came to our desk with her open teeth ( one of the girls my brother said was giving me a green light)
Nicky : hi guys( she said smiling)
' hi ' we both chorused ( Isaac reply feeling so delighted while I felt unconcerned)
she faced me ignoring Isaac,
Nicky : kunle, how are you doing..how was holiday
me : it was fine
Nicky : I know you don't miss though I miss you so much
me : really!!...I miss u too ( was already getting tired of the discussion)
I looked at Isaac signalling him to help me out, instead he made matter worse by leaving us for another but I notice he looked a bit angry ...' maybe he was angry because nicky left him out of the discussion ' I thought
Nicky was just smiling as if she was happy with the whole drama
' why are you smiling ' I asked
" nothing am just happy having you all to myself " she replied
I gave a questioning look ' what do you mean by that' I asked, she was about answering me when our chemistry teacher came in.
she went back to her seat not without telling me to wait for her when the school closes.." kunle please wait for me after school today " she said while leaving my desk ...' okay ' I replied
Isaac later joined me after she left but was moody all through the class, he ignored and frowned to all my jokes
' whats the matter ,why are you moody' I asked ... " nothing ,please let me be" he replied.
this got me surprised, I decided to let him be maybe with time he might open up to me.
I guess today isn't really a good day ,first it was Cyndy ,now my close Friend... ' what a day! ' I said to myself


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AKPOS: I want to buy dog food.
Seller: Do you have a dog?.
AKPOS: Yes
Seller: Where is it?.
AKPOS: At home.
Seller: Sorry, i can’t sell you dog food unless i
see the dog
first, it is our policy.
The Next Day….
AKPOS: Do you have cat food?.

Seller: Where is your cat?.
AKPOS: It is at home.
Seller: Sorry, i can’t sell cat food for you
unless
i see the cat.
Two Days Later….
AKPOS went there holding a nylon bag.
Seller: What is in your bag?.
AKPOS: Put your hand inside first.
(The seller puts his hand inside)
Seller: It’s cold, what is it?.
AKPOS: It is my poo, i brought it as evidence
because I need toilet paper.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-16 16:38:01

511 Views




CAMPUS BABE
Episode 7

“I just wanted to say am sorry for
everything,I know I was very
wrong to
have left you like that…please
dear find a
place in your heart to forgive me.I
still
love you ??kªª¥°??,so what do you
say
about us getting back together? I
was so confused,angry and happy
all at
the same time.I wanted to hang
up,but
then I thought it would too
immature..I
decided to reply immediately,I
really
wanted to say yes,but then a
thought
creeped into my head. “I will
make him pay,if he’s truly sorry he
should be ready
to fight for me,I have to make
him earn
my love so he would learn to
value me
more(in other words,I wanted to
teach
his sorry Buttocks a lesson).so I
said “am
sorry dear,I already have
someonelse am in love with,and
we just started dating
two days ago,if only you had
called
earlier..
“Prisi,I know you’re still in love
with me…
why don’t you just accept me so
we can
start afresh,I promise I’ll be more
caring,more lovi…
I didn’t let him finish,I hung up. I
started
wondering,what did I just do sef?
eh?
Maybe there is really no need for
him to
fight, No! I replied to myself…at
least I
have to play hard-to-get for
sometime. I knew fully well that I
was still in love
with him,but I just had to put him
at a
tight corner,the only thing I
needed now
was a real “fake” boyfriend to
instigate
the fight. Hmmnn who will I use
now,I’ve
been really mean to most guys
lately. Tomorow,I’ll check my
contact list and
hatch my plan.I smiled to
myself,everything was going to be
perfect.
Hello charles,its Prisca,I just
wanted to
apologise for the way I treated
you that
day…look I’m really sorry. If there
is a way
I can make it up to you,feel free
to call
me back and let me know…talk to
you
later,bye. I smiled satisfactorily,
Charles was really
in love with me,there couldn’t
have been
a better person to use,I didn’t
even let
him say anything on the phone.I
knew he
was going to call me back..
TO BE CONTINUED…


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Steroids may cause reduced sperm production, shrinking of the testicles and breast growth in menRelated

I Pledge [Read it]


I pledge to Nairajokes.com my number one joke site
To be active,friendly and communicative
To serve wit all my comments
And to be posting jokes
So,help me friends


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-25 14:03:02

245 Views




Have you asked your parents or either of them a question and all you get as a reply is "SHUT UP". Check this i one day asked my father "do people have four legs at night" He replied "No" and told me " why do you ask?" i answered "i saw my mum with four legs at midnight, while she sleep and also she use to scream ah! Oh! Harder! Is paining me !!!!" and at this point i will recieve a knock on the heard and a loud "SHUT UP!!!" from my father. Judge this? Support with your own experience so that i will know if am the only one with such experience.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-21 16:42:45

292 Views




Akpos was preparing for my A Level Mathematics Examination. The more he
studied, the more he seemed not to understand a thing. He consulted Lily his friend for help. Lily baby, I have been trying to solve this question
since morning but I'm not getting anywhere with it. ( 60-53+10=what
will you have?)
Lily said, Okay, let's reason it this way, if you
have 60 (sixty) wraps of Indian Hemp and you smoke 53 (fifty three),
after consuming 1(one) big bottle of whisky you then smoke another 10
(ten) wraps, what will you have?

Ah! Akpos screamed. I will have a
brain damage, high blood pressure, stroke, first grade madness,
paralysis and comatose. Lily said, That's exactly what this Maths
question will give you when you solve it.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-06 18:12:32

422 Views




she walked into her house and she talked to her friendsesmond drove home and he was welcome by his friends. a party was held for him by school rector;all attended but and Desmond wanted to introduced Stephanie to his friends again that he have amended their differences but she never did show up but them they become best of friends. lets see if your friendship will turn to love

Stephanie: i am so exhausted;i just need a cool bath and some refreshment
Tina: you and your boyfriend did not eat anything on your way back?
Stephanie: will you for once be serious
Tina: and who said i am joking
Tosan: Tina;give her a break;she is tired. let her rest
Tina: tired?what did she do?nothing,oh i forget,she had been with her heartbreaker that had a belt on her. oh poor child;am sorry go and rest;rubbish was i the one that sent her on that?she left what she was sent to do and decided to chase boys
Anita: will you for once behavior manured and stop acting foolish
Tina: am not acting foolish;i told you girls that Stephanie is the one forcing himself on Desmond;come on admit it
Ann: Tina;will you just shut up
Stephanie: no;let her talk;it is freedom of speech
Tina: thank you my sister;she knows what i am saying is right but you all are blinded to the fact. so did you slept under same roof?
Stephanie: rubbish;when you find him,do asked those stupid question. excuse me(exit Stephanie)
Anita: Tina;sometimes the way you talk to her;is like you have something against her;is there something she did to you,that we don't know
Tosan: or maybe she seduce her friend(all laughed)
Tina: you all are so annoying;my friend doesn't even like her. am out of here before you say words that will provoke me
Ann: hey girl
Anita: just let her go;she is acting like Stephanie is taking something from her(curtain)
Desmond: (to himself)if ever i would correct something in my life;i will have to right all my wrong,learn to stand on my words;live my life in the way of not pleasing others but myself because whatever i do is for my own good not for anyone. i shouldn't dance to the tune of anyone but mine because if i try to please others i will end up allowing others to walk over me(he drive into the compound)
Gateman: welcome sir
Desmond: i have told you that i don't like it;when you call me boss or sir. you are old enough to be my dad. stop calling me sir;my name is Desmond(he walked towards the door)
Gateman: alright sir(he turned and look at him)sorry Desmond
Desmond: where are all the people in this house(all came out from their hiding and pour wine on him)
All: pon champagne
Desmond: what is wrong with you boys,why are you wasting the wine?
Tunde: did you say we are wasting it?we are not;you don't know what you did;you just show the world that our school is the best among the best
Desmond: but i don't want this
Tosan: don't be such a kill joy
Desmond: thank you all for believing in me;it was the most tense competition i have ever attended in my entire life
Alfred: why?
Desmond: i don't know but i just feel uneasy
Ayo: lets toast to your success
Alfred: to a life of more success and better times to come (they all drink)
Tunde: but you said it wasn't easy for you(to Desmond)
Ayo: yes;that is what you said
Desmond: there were so many things running on my mind
Alfred: like
Desmond: i just can't figure it out
Alfred: i see;maybe because you get to see Stephanie all the time without talking to her
Desmond: (he smiled)don't be ridiculous;she is not my problem
Ayo: but i saw you at the television when you are been declared winner and the way both of you are staring at each other
Desmond: don't be stupid,the only constant thing in life is changes
Alfred: does it mean you guys are okay now
Desmond: i hope you are not thinking that i will give answer to that question(phone ringing)
Tunde: boy pick up your phone
Desmond: is uncle
Tunde: which uncle
Desmond: sorry i mean rector(he pick up the call)good afternoon sir
Johnson: how are you
Desmond: fine sir
Johnson: i haven't been able to reach you
Desmond: am sorry sir;i would have call to tell you;am back but i just returned. am really sorry
Johnson: is alright but then i want to tell you that school is organising a party for you;its a small party it will be held at the back of school library in order to encourage others to be hard working;you can invite few of your friends to the party;they should be properly dress because lecturer will be there. is a day after tomorrow so take care and congrats
Desmond: thank you sir
Johnson: bye(he end the call)
Alfred: was the update
Ayo: man you were just talking had if you don't even have any blood relationship with him
Desmond: wait;was i suppose to call him my uncle?
Ayo: yes;is he not your dad's brother?

Desmond: look at this;he is but all we are discussing is not about our family issue but about school
Alfred: you guys are wasting my precious time,i said 'what is the update' as in what is he saying
Desmond: that?he said school is organising a party for me in order to encourage fellow student to sit up and he also said i could invite few of my friends and as you know that you are the only friend i have;so you all are invited
Alfred: that is what am saying
Ayo: so when is the party?
Tosin: that's interesting
Tunde: so who else are you inviting?
Desmond: no one;i don't have any other friends
Tosin: hey;i caught you there;what about Georgina;will you not invite her
Desmond: if i don't;that means i will get a thousand and one insult of my life
Ayo: naught boy;can we come with our friends?
Desmond: sure
Tunde: i know Tina will never come;if you did not invite her
Desmond: that is true;i will just go their house and invite all if them
Tunde: all of them including Stephanie?
Desmond: no am not going to invite her
Tunde: why
Ayo: was your interest in her?instead of thinking about your Tina;you are thinking about another girl;do you want to marry her (laughed all)
Desmond: Ayo;you are crazy;you are teasing my cousin
Ayo: how can i?





SEE MORE.....



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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If you want something done well, do it yourself.

~ Chinese ProverbRelated

exam expo [Read it]


As i bounced and entered the WAEC Examination hall there was just one prayer inside my mind which is, God please let me sit down near a person that knows book because the stupid boy I told to send me the answer on my phone looks like who doesn't have
sense. God finally answered my prayer, the girl that i sat with was an albino and she wore medicated eyeglass that has rope, so, i knew for sure that she knows book very well. As the paper started, is then that this girl started to misbehave o. She was just covering her answer anyhow but as a sharp guy that i am, i was just spying the answer from one deadly angle. When it remained just 5 minutes to go, is then that this girl caught me copying her answer and started shouting at me. But i just ignored her, considering the fact that i had almost copied finish, the next thing that I heard was my phone's message tune. This useless boy has finally sent the answer. I sighed and then told the invigilator to give me a fresh answer booklet. I then tore the one that I copied from the albino girl and used the paper to stone her. I told her that, In her life, let her not ever talk to me anyhow again, and kept the fresh booklet ontop my table and then used one kind style to open the message. I saw " To Download LoveRocks by Sarkodie ft Samini At #50..Reply 3 to 4100"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-29 15:05:56

407 Views




Ranj Ki Jab Guftaguu



Ranj Ki Jab Guftaguu Honay Lagi;

Aap Se Tum Tum Se Tu Honay Lagi;



Chahye Paighambar Dono Taraf;

Lutf Kia Jab Du-Ba-Du Honay Lagi;



Meri Ruswayi Ki Naubat Aagayi;

Unki Shohrat Qu-Ba-Qu Honay Lagi;



Be Niazi Badh Gayi Hai Is Qadar;

Aarzoo Ki Aarzoo Honay Lagi;



Ab To Mil Kar Dekhiye Kya Rang Ho;

Phir Hamari Justajuu Honay Lagi;



‘Daagh’ Itraaye Hue Phirtay Hain Aaj;

Shaayad Unki Aabruu Honay Lagi!Related

Episode 1

The story of this slave begins right in the centre of Africa, in a village of Darfur,called Olgossa, near the Agilerei Mountain, in Central African.
In a neat and tidy circular hut with a roof almost like an umbrella, lived the assistant chief of the village.He had a lovely family:three boys and three girls, two of whom were twins,the members of this family were united by great love and spontaneous solidarity. They belonged to the Dagiu Tribe who have a great tradition for being peaceful and hardworking people,sometime around 1869 Bakhita was born into this well-off family who owned vast plantations and numerous heads of cattle,we call her Bakhita, for this is the Arab name her kidnappers gave her.
Bakhita was about five years old when,one afternoon, her mother brought her to the fields. Only the eldest daughter and her twins sister reminded at home.the eldest was preparing the supper while the little one jumped about like an elf. There was an atmosphere of peace and serenity through out the village,suddenly a shout of alarm and terror interrupted the rhythmic thump of the hammers in the mortars and the happy voice of the children running about among the huts.
"The slave traders! The slave traders"
Everyone in the village tried to fine an escape, the shout of fear even reached the assistant chief's hut,Bakhita's little sister clung instinctively to her eldest sister who struggled free with a rapid move and hide her behind a ruined hut and then tried to save herself by running away. However,she had only gone a few steps when wild and violent men jumped on her as quick as lightning,they bound her wrists behind her back and led her away together with other young men and women whom they had surprised in the houses and nearby fields.
Following the kidnappers was all in vain as was the search for their victims. The beloved firstborn daughter of this respected family was lost forever.

LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS AND
READ NEXT EPISODE

>>

In a competition to rate the best security group in Nigeria, EFCC, ARMY
and POLICE had to compete by searching for a missing RAT in the bush.

1st
The EFCC started investigation by questioning all the plants and
animals in the bush. After some search in some months, they concluded
there was no RAT.

Secondly The ARMY entered the bush and within 2 days they
burnt down the bush, beat up every creatures in the bush with no apology, they also declared,
there was no RAT.

Then
The POLICE, after some days in the bush, appeared with a badly beaten
RABBIT, The RABBIT was shouting; 0kay i agree. I am the RAT.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-08 19:59:18

265 Views




Purity sat on the dining chair at the rare end of the restaurant. The tables were covered with red table cloths, and lit candles on them. The lights were dim making the restaurant more romantic.

She’d chosen the far end of the restaurant not to be easily noticed or recognized by the people she knew. She’d been forced to go out on a date with Jeremy Broderick. Her papa had warned to disinherit her. Now she had no other option than to comply to his wish. She was surely going to pay the old man back.

She sighed, relaxing on the chair. She hadn’t ordered anything. She just have to wait for Jeremy, then he’d order and the rest. She silently prayed he wouldn’t come. He must hate her too, after the way she’s treated him years back he never spoke to her. She was happy about that. He would say no, then they can explain to their parents the date was a disaster. She smiled to herself.

She stretched her arm and glanced at her wrist-watch. It was 7:15 p.m. She let out a breath. She was lightly sad and very happy at the same time. Sad cuz she really wanted to see him, curious of what he’d look like now. Why should she even care? She scoffed. She was happy cuz the date wouldn’t work out as planned, she’d never get to marry her worst enemy-Jeremy.

Purity searched her bag, dug out her cell phone and called her father.

“Papa, I’m coming home.”

“This early? What did you do?”

Phew! So, I’m always wrong? He can’t do anything wrong?
“He hasn’t arrived. I guess he doesn’t wanna see my face.” she smirked, her father couldn’t see it.

“I talked with Edwin, he says his son will be there.”

“He changed his mind. See you at home.”
She hung up and smiled mischievously. Without looking up, she quickly got hold of her bag, opened it and brought a notepad and a pen. She scribbled something down:

I waited and waited.
I lost my patience.
-P.

She smiled grimly at the words she wrote. Tore the sheet out, and placed it on the table. She turned to leave, as she did, she crashed into someone-a man. The accident sent her cell crashing on the floor. Infuriated, she raised her eyes to see the idiot that had ruined her cell. He had brown spiky hair, a hard, slender, muscular face. His eyebrows were bushy and thick. His sparkling hazel eyes, penetrating her. His nose was firm and pointed. His lips- pink, full and dry. His chin- strong.
He was lean and tall about 6 feet, 3 inches. His muscular chest and body covered with a tuxedo and his feet with brogues. He looked devastatingly handsome. He smiled at her revealing a white, perfect set of teeth. He offered his big right hand for a handshake.

Oh, his smile was breathtaking.

Purity stood, watching him.

*
*
*
“Holy shit! I’m gong to be late!” Jeremy cursed as he rode his Volvo XC90 on the highway, he was on his way to ‘Golden’ restaurant where he’d meet Purity Theodore after eighteen years. He wondered how she’d look like- beautiful, maybe. He hoped her manners had changed. The mood he was in now, he could strangle anyone who’d make him more upset. He thought of how she’d view him- he was late on their first date. It’d surely give her more reasons to spite him.

He had never wanted to go, he had almost sneaked out of the house. But his dad had heart attack. Edwin Broderick pleaded with him to obey his wish. Grudgingly, Jeremy had to get dressed to meet Purity Theodore after calling the doctor and asking the servants to take care of him.

Jeremy had no idea if he was jinxed or not. How could his father get cardiac arrest on the very night he’d have escaped being with Purity? He never knew if the old man was faking it.

Jeremy finally arrived at the restaurant. He parked his car, jumped down, and walked briskly into it. He wasn’t sure how he looked, he didn’t care. He hoped she’d hate him and it’d be all over. As he got to the entrance, he made enquiries from a waiter, as he did, he spotted a lady at the far end of the restaurant.

She had long brown hair that fell past her shoulders. She had a high forehead, a soft and oval face. Her brows were tick and arched. Her silver eyes danced with mischief. She had an acquiline nose, thin lips that were painted red.

Her slender body covered with a black sleevless gown, stopping at her knee level. She wore a black wedge to match.

She was scribbling something down. When she was done, she read it. Seeing the evil smile playing on her lips, Jeremy knew that was Purity. She was about leaving? Hell no! He excused himself from the waiter and dashed off to her. He hadn’t been careful, he didn’t notice her moving. He stumbled into her.


>>

WHAT AN INSULT [Read it]


WHAT AN INSULT??
Indomie and Pepsi will be using style dey insult us. 1st, it was Indomie: hungry man size and now pepsi: long throat bottle. Very soon we will be seeing: Gala "wobia size", Chinchin "olojukokoro pack",egg rolls "atenuje size",La casera "alainitelorun bottle",Five alive: "alamu toole pack"...Dis people ehn. Ok Oooo. We are waiting for their next copy..... just passing by anyway.......LWKMD


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-14 16:57:21

514 Views




akpors and two other men were in a van. suddenly an accident occured and they all died. wen they got to the gate of heaven, the angel at the gate told them it was a festive period in heaven so they all get one wish and it will be granted.
the first man wished he would be sent back to earth to be wit his family en it was granted
the second wished d same tin and he was also sent back to earth..
akpors was lafing all through
the third man wished d same thing en it was granted.
when it was akpors turn to wish, he just laughed and said 'bros abeg those people wen u send go earth just now, bring them back'
one word for akpors


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-24 06:31:10

254 Views




You've dated him for 3 years,
you arborted 5 times for him,
he is the reason why there is a Broad
way...(hehehe hope you understand)
your boobs are now sagging like socks for soldiers
coz of
him,
and now he says you are not a wife
material and he wants to get married
to another woman.
MY DEAR KILL HIM. GOD WILL
UNDERSTAND.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-23 15:36:42

597 Views




Customer: Tumhari Sweet Ki Shop Hai. Tumhara Khane Ka Mann Ni Karta?


Pappu :-Karta To Hai

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Par Papa Rasgulle Gin K Jate Hai

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Isliye Bas Chus K Rakh Deta Hu…. ????Related

1.    You saw someone beating your mum, you rushed into the house to fetch a weapon and found someone in bed with your wife. Which would u attend to 1st?


2.    Nollywood please na! How can a ghost fall down while chasing someone?


3.    Are you feeling abandoned, neglected and you want your friends to have you at heart & constantly stay in touch? Borrow money from all of them & travel


4.    You're in church, sermon is going on and you're seriously busy changing Dp and Pm. What makes you better than the man Who's not in church?


5.    MTN should sponsor NYSC, so that there will be no service.


6.    Your boyfriend should not be your source of income. My dear it’s a relationship, not a job opportunity.


7.    Only in Nollywood that someone will die with an Afro and his spirit will come back with low cut. Abi Barbing salon dey that side?


8.    You Don't Need a car to Impress a LAUTech Girl… Just Wear a Starched Shirt and Hold a Car key!


9.    Nollywood will not kill Somebody… How can you open a casket and the corpse is sweating?


10.    Kim K 's stay in Nigeria reminds me of mercy johnson's verse in Aboki rmx.



11.    Which of these is the Hardest to find in Nigeria. (A) Virgins (B). Jobs (C). True Love ?



12.    1970: You’ve to pull down the Panties to see the Buttocks.
13.    2010: You’ve to separate the Buttocks to see the Panties



14.    Shoutout to the girls that lost their virginity on Feb. 14. RIP Virginity!


15.    Be careful Ladies, if you use the Electric Vibrator near Water, You will CUM and GO at the same time.


16.    -  Dear satan,just swallow the shame and apologize to God so that we will all go and live happily in d garden   of Eden.  As Fire dey burn you so, e sweet?



17.    If she has cough and catarrh before valentine, I don't see anything bad in wrapping Benylin and Tom Tom as her valentine gift.


18.    Life is too short to ask a stammerer for directions.



19.    That Mogbe Moment when you've been dubbing someone in an exam then suddenly, the person cancels the whole Page. *Dies*

20.    Some girls will have "Model" written in their bio's, yet the only places you'll see them modeling is with toilet mirrors.



21.    Men at 25 play Football, men at 40 play Tennis, men at 60 play Golf. Have you noticed that as you grow older your balls get smaller?



22.    Your BF beats you on a daily basis, yet you put his picture up and your BBM status reads 'You
bring out the best in me'... Are you a rag?


23.    You take picture, e no fine, you come dey claim say 'beauty is from within' .... Why you no take X-ray?


24.    Golden Morn is good, Corn Flakes is better. But at the mention of IJEBU GARRI every Flake must bow.



25.    Don't Ever do a Long distance relationship, masturbating to a Voice message from London is not your calling.



26.    You take picture inside Rangerover Sport, Infinity, Bently,BMW X6, then you want your boyfriend to believe you'r not cheating. ARE U A MECHANIC?


27.    Lazy men call the rich men ritualist while unlucky girls call the lucky ones prostitutes. Never mistake knowledge for wisdom


28.    You can't be UGLY and then play ''hard to get''. It doesn't work that way; you're already ''Hard To Want''.


29.    It’s only a Naija babe that will put on makeup right before she goes swimming.....end up turning the pool to rainbow


30.    I know money is not everything. I don't need everything, I need money.



31.    YOUR WAEC: BIO E8, ENG D7, MATH F9, YORUBA A1, COMMERCE D7, LIT. ENG F9, …10000 Twitter Followers. 'The devil is dancing Azonto with your destiny.


32.    Person + blackberry +BIS - Job = Twitter Celeb


33.    -D'banj snubs Jazzy, Yvonne beefs Tonto, Kim rocks baby bump...They’re celebrities. They’ll sort themselves out. Worry about yourself dear. You don chop?


34.    Justin Bieber tweeted '2013'  and got over 700,000 retweets. That alone is more than number of any superstar in 9ja. What did your nude avi's get you?


35.    MERLIN Season7 In the land of Boko Haram  and the time of Fuel subsidy, the destiny of a great nation rest on the shoulder of a confused president. His Name:X


36.    Every pastor will claim he received a call from God. Whatever happened to Sms?



37.    Be honest; Would you slap your mum for $20,000,000,000 ??



38.    The difference between boy friend and boyfriend is that tiny little space called FRIEND ZONE.


39.    There's Always Gonna Be A Girl Hotter than your Gf. There's Always Gonna Be A Boy Richer than your Bf. LEARN TO BE CONTENTED!!!


40.    Guy: babe, I want u to follow me on twitter.
41.    Babe: twitter? Pls let's go somewhere else, I don't like that restaurant!


42.    To those Girls spreading legs for guys, hoping they will marry them ...Continue the Promo.



43.    You saw someone beating your mum, you rushed into the house to fetch a weapon and found someone in bed with your wife. Which would u attend to 1st?



44.    A girl who laughs at your dry joke during a first date doesn't have transport money back home.


45.    You can't be speakin like Dame, dressing like Nicki Minaj, behaving lik Kim Kardashian and then expect to end up like Michelle Obama… Hell NO!


46.    GIRLS! Don't let your PRIDE and the society make you die single… DM that GUY now if you like Him.


47.    Never be sad if someone prefers another over you.... it’s always difficult to convince a monkey that strawberry is sweeter than banana.



48.    30+ going on 40, "Davido is my role model". You need to sleep at the synagogue all year in 2013!



49.    Sometimes, I wish "RIP" meant "Return If Possible".

50.    Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore..... A dude was wearing one when he got shot by a womans husband.


51.    Somewhere in Naija, A Boo is Chilling with her Real Boo while another Boo is seriously trying her Number.


52.    If mosquito Land for your Father Head, you go kill am?


53.    The Only time a Man Can Remember All The girls he had Slept with is ....When his HIV RESULT is delayed.

54.    Your BOYFRIEND SLAPS you EVERYDAY and you are here FORMING WOMEN's RIGHTS ACTIVIST BECAUSE OF KAREN. I Pity you.


55.    You people think being unfollowed on twitter is Annoying. Have u ever been deleted on BBM
while typing a message? That shit is like rapture.


56.    Sex doesn’t keep a guy. If YOU like turn 360degree in bed, use him as DP 24/7,bleach till you become brighter than your future. if he wants to leave,he will!


57.    The number of "followers" you have does not make you better than anyone else. Hitler had millions,
Jesus had just 12.


58.    You masturbate with banana and you write TEAMVIRGIN  in your bio, the Devil is playing suwe with your destiny.


59.    You're dating a girl for 6yrs and she has never Farted in front of you, break up with her, because if she can hide common fart for 6yrs den she has secrets.





NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-08 22:34:00

1028 Views




Akpors is finally dead.
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I said is his finally dead. Why are you still scrolling down.
Keep scrolling na.
Lol


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-04-20 12:26:45

130 Views




Akpors was fond of putting
his
wife’s photo in his wallet
One day his wife asked Him
Wife: Why is my photo
always in your wallet?
Akpors: when am in trouble…i
just look at it and the
problem disappears
Wife: hmm…do you see how
miraculous i am in your life?
Akpors:…I just look the
picture and say to my self
“what problem could be
bigger than this”?..



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-27 06:46:48

448 Views




JOKE (PEOPLE VS DINDY) BY DINDY (part four)
WHY PEOPLE WATCH NIGERIAN MOVIES;
1). To laugh.
2). To understand tribes and languages
3). To understand love.
4). To enjoy the action and suspends
WHY DINDY WATCH NIGERIAN MOVIES;
1). To know how to be evil.
2). To learn how to over throne.
3). To learn how to get girls quickly.
4). To learn how to poison father-in-law.
5). To know the best native doctor.
6). To learn how to disappear and appear.
7). To know how to steal and sell land without or with the knowers knowing.
. To learn how to behave like an idiot.
9). To learn how to fool police men.
10). To learn how to use charm.
11). To learn how to make people believe that I can sing.
12). To learn how to give fake drugs.
13) To learn how to disown your father.
14). To learn how to become a village area boy.
15). To learn how to be a rich man in the dream.
And so many other things.....lol
DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 5.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-10-24 23:26:28

136 Views




Heart beat are countless,
spirits are ageless,
dreams r endless,
memories are timeless
and
a
friend like u is Useless.

Oops! Sorry Yaar, PricelessRelated

MEMORY CLINIC [Read it]


A husband and his wife along with their
friendly neigbours were enjoying a
friendly conversation when one of the
men asked the other, "David, how was
the memory clinic you went to last
month?" "Outstanding," David replied. "They
taught us all the latest psychological
techniques; visualization, association...
it made a big difference for me." "That's great! What was the name of
that clinic?" David went blank. He thought and
thought, but couldn't remember. Then,
a smile broke across his face and he
asked, "What do you call that flower
with the long stem and thorns?" "Do you mean a rose?" "Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife,
"Rose, what was the name of that
clinic?"
#?BOLLY_SMART?™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-21 00:11:57

210 Views




Heaven is a place on Earth with you!Related
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