Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:

Words of Wisdom [Read it]


Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater.If you give her a sperm, she’ll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.So, if you give her any aggravation, be ready to receive a ton of stuff in return.Related

Brazillian hair [Read it]


GIRL: Darling, you know tomorrow is my birthday. I need N100,000 to do Brazilian Hair.GUY: I don't like Brazil. They beat my team 3-0 at the world cup


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-25 11:40:20

522 Views




Dem say boko haram don poison beans after I buy
half bag for house. From d one wey I cook I give
my dog (bingo) make im chop first.
45mins later, bingo still dey waka, dey jolly. Nah
him I come chop my own. After I don chop finish,
my gateman run come tell me say bingo don die, hey! I run enter house, begin drink full gallon of
palm oil for my belle, chop 22 bitter kola with 3long
bitter leaf stem, chop walnuts with the shell no time
to even crack ham, swallow moringa with aloe vera
as treatment combo. Garlic and onions be like
sweet for my mouth. I come dey sweat as if na oven be my bedroom. I dey think say my life don finish.
I come outside, nah him gate man come dey tell me
say the okada man kill bingo wan come beg me! If
na u, #abeg wetin u go do the gateman ?. #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-22 09:56:32

455 Views




After one week ..

Ana decided to move prince to a day care in Manhattan, near central park, as it was close to her work place and she could visit him during lunch breaks.

She got off the subway and put prince in the stroller to take him to the day care center. After few minutes, prince wanted to get off the stroller and walk. Ana agreed to his demand as they were walking by central park and it had a wide sidewalk.

Prince ran ahead of his mom and saw a small turnstile entrance to the park ahead of him. He ran towards it and snuck under the entrance and ran into the park.

Ana tried to run after him but couldn't run with the stroller and it wouldn't go through the turnstile. By the time she folded the stroller and got inside the park, she found prince standing by a lady, who was down on the ground. She immediately ran towards them.

Prince took Ana's hand and pointed towards the lady, who was down, prompting her to help. She immediately bent down and checked her pulse. She realized the lady was going through a paralytic attack and couldn't speak, but she followed her eyes which were pointing to her handbag.

She quickly opened the lady's purse and went through its contents. She found the emergency medication and started reading the instructions. She had experience working in old age homes, so she knew the procedure.

She measured the medication as per the instructions and gave the lady an injection. She moved the lady so that she could rest her head in her lap and took out her phone and dialed 911 for help.

She also was holding prince with one hand so that he won't run away from her and as she was not in a position to chase him.

Prince wasn't aware of the seriousness of the situation and started talking to the lady in his mumbo jumbo language, seriously explaining to her about his toy. Ana wasn't sure if the lady was in a position to hear or understand what prince was saying, but she felt happy when the lady extended her hand and took prince's hand and kissed it. Prince also bent down and kissed the lady's cheek.

At the same time, she could hear the sirens coming towards them. Soon the paramedics arrived and took control of the patient. They enquired about Ana's relationship to the patient and she told them how prince found her and about the medication she administered and they thanked her for saving the lady's life. They got the doctor's name from the medication and told her they would find more about the patient after calling her doctor. For some reason the patient's name was not mentioned on the medication.

Ana realized that she was more than two hours late to office after dropping off prince and was in serious trouble, as she missed an important vendor meeting with CEO and the team.

Meanwhile at the Shah headquarters, Rahul was nervously pacing around in his office waiting for the clock to turn nine. He thought he was immune to having feelings for any other woman other than his sweetheart, but since his encounter with Ana, he has been having difficulty concentrating on work.

He has been waiting eagerly for this meeting as it would give him a chance to see her again. His presence at the meeting was not required, but he started getting involved with the project so that he could see her more often. He glanced at the clock one more time and then slowly made it to his desk trying to calm his emotions.

Exactly at nine, he went into the adjoining conference room where everyone assembled for the meeting. He didn't find her among the attendees. As the meeting progressed, he kept on looking at the door, hoping she would enter anytime. The meeting came to an end without Ana.

Rahul felt disappointed and his frustration turned to anger. He called up Jason, Ana's boss, and shouted at him for not being able to account for his team member.

Just then Ana entered her office.

"Ana .... great you could make it to office today. You really need to rethink your priorities and decide if you really need this job. You are destroying my career too. You better go and talk to the CEO to find out if you still work here." Jason pounced on her and sneered after his last comment, hoping she gets fired.

Ana knew she was going to be in trouble, but wasn't expecting to get fired for saving someone's life. She reluctantly moved towards Rahul's office.

She knocked on his door and entered the room after hearing his voice. As soon as she entered, his phone started ringing and he got on the phone and motioned her to wait.

She stood there watching his face and lips as he talked on the phone. It should be a crime to be so handsome and rich at the same time. If things were different she would love to go over his face, touch and feel each part. Once every minute he would run his hand through his perfect hair. She felt the urge to stop him from doing that and wondered how it would feel to run her hands through his hair and how it would feel like, to kiss him, but remembered that she was there to get reprimanded not for an romantic session. "Maybe I should try it as I am getting fired anyway," she thought.

She figured it was a serious call as his face changed expressions and he looked worried. He quickly got up from his chair and grabbed his coat.

"You are lucky I am not firing you. You missed an important meeting today and I am not happy about it. I need to go now, but will discuss this with you later." He said opening the door for her and making his way to the elevator.

"I can explain ..."

"Ana...I am not interested in explanations, only results. Make sure you don't miss any more meetings. I will talk to you later." He said leaving, as the the elevator doors closed.

Ana returned to her office and the moment she logged onto her computer, a memo from HR popped up informing her of office rules regarding punctuality and the consequences of not following the rules. She got really mad at the way she was being treated as no one bothered to hear her side of the story.

The next two days went smoothly, but Ana felt as if she was dragging her time at the company. She was sure Rahul was looking for a reason to fire her though she couldn't understand his reasons.

It was Thursday and she was returning from lunch, when climbing down the stairs, she saw Rahul coming from the opposite side. She looked straight into his eyes and her heart started fluttering. Suddenly a feeling of weightlessness enveloped her and she realized she missed a step and was sailing in the air towards Rahul.

Rahul caught her and enveloped her in his strong arms. The moment she hit his chest, old memories and familiar feelings flooded her body. She felt the heat from his hands, as he secured and held her tightly, wondering if they left burn marks on her skin. Rahul carried her downstairs and put her back on ground safely, but his hands refused to leave her waist.

Ana recovered quickly as other people were gathering around and whispered to Rahul "Thanks for saving me. You can remove your hands now."

"Are you sure? Can you stand on your own? " He asked sarcastically tightening his hold around her waist.

"I am fine. People are watching us, so please remove your hands. It's for your own good."

"Really you are worried about me now? First you try to fall under my car and now you crash into me - does this happen with everyone or just me." He asked, squeezing her waist slightly before releasing her reluctantly.

Ana glared at him, mumbled a thank you and ran to her cube, as Rahul was still digesting the feeling of having her in his arms. He felt the same feeling, he experienced with his sweetheart. Momentarily she filled the void in his heart and he felt as if he wanted to hold onto her forever. The trip downstairs was totally worth it, as he came down, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. Slowly he made it to his office and asked his secretary to get Sam immediately.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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bad son [Read it]


SON: Good morning dad. Please, I need some money for school.
DAD: What for son?
SON: For lunch break dad.
DAD: I gave you enough money yesterday for you to get by today. What happened to it?
SON: I used it all yesterday dad.
DAD: You see son, I don't have any money now and Jesus told us in the bible that man shall not leave by food alone. And you are to young to be eating too much.
SON: Okay dad, I'm off to school.
Dad: (feeling satisfied and happy that his son got the message) Bye! See you later.

A few minutes later, the dad left his house and was about to get into car. He was horrified when he noticed all the car's tyres were flat. He saw a note lying on the car's windscreen, picked it up and reads;

"Dad I hope you are not to old to trek like Jesus did as told in the bible too


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-30 08:22:04

244 Views




A wife
went on holiday
leaving the husband
behind. The husband
got so Hot one day
that he decided to try the maid who
had just come from
Nsukka village and who
seemed clever. ... He
called the maid to his
bedroom where he had taken off his pants,
he
pointed to his manhood
when the maid arrived.
Husband: Do you know
what this is?
Maid: (actin Shy) Yes Husband: Do you know
what it s for?
Maid:Yes
Husband: show me. The
maid immediately
dropped to her knees held the item with both
hands
drew
closer and opened her
mouth. The husband
was shivering with anticipation . The maid
then began,"My name is
Chinasa , I'm 23 years
old and I'm from
Nsukka. I
want to make a shout- out to my parents,mr
and mrs Chigozie, my
uncle, Broda
NnamdI aka' chop my
money and MY auntY,
MRS IFEOMA, I would also
like to tell my boyfriend
Johnny that I miss him.
Can u play me Ashawo
by Flavour Nabania?"
Then finally says to the man," Oga,take your
microphone I'm
through...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-01 14:47:18

769 Views



skimpy lady [Read it]


A man with his wife went 2 a supermarket.after some time one lady,dat is half naked came in,d man looked at her,and got aroused.after a long look at dat lady,his wife touched and the following conversation ensued
Wife:why look at her like dat
Manh, nothing i jst thnk God u r nt lyk dat


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-27 01:36:50

361 Views



Mixing [Read it]


Akpos sat in a bar and was very moody?
Soni goes over and asks: Akpos, wetin
happen? A very sad looking Akpos replied: I borrow
Rukewe N2million to do facial surgery,
and now I no fit recognize am to collect
my money back.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-13 16:51:31

287 Views




I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a word of what I am saying.

-Oscar WildeRelated

akpos joke [Read it]


PREMIERSHIP WAEC EXAMINATION.
DURATION: 48 Hrs
ATTEMPT ALL QUESTIONS.
SECTION A.
1. Discuss the fall of Chelsea and
the rise of Leicester in relation to
season 2015/16 (20marks).
2. Using Tottenham as an
example, describe the force of
gravity (15marks).
3. Manchester United sold Di
Maria to PSG for £44m when they
had signed him for £59.6m.
Prepare a profit and loss account
(12marks).
4. Write an essay on the proverb
”old is gold” in relation to Old
Trafford. (10marks)
SECTION B.
5. Calculate the probability of
Arsenal winning their next game
in relation to previous
performances (20marks).
6. Estimate the velocity at which
Liverpool is depreciating
considering the absence of
Suarez and Sterling (15marks).
7. With the aid of a diagram,
prove that Chelsea will go
trophyless this season (15marks).
8. Without using tables, list out
the clubs that will qualify for the
Champions League next season
(10marks).
9. Explain the sudden quietness
of all Chelsea fans these days on
all social networks (20marks).
10. Complete this...
In Wenger we trust,
In Pellegrini we're happy,
In Mourinho we ____________?
(5marks)
11. Who should take the blame
for Chelsea's bad form? Explain
(10marks)
BEST OF LUCK!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-04 11:17:05

553 Views



akpos and death [Read it]


AKPOS & MESSENGER OF DEATH
Death came To a Akpos and said "my
friend Akpos today is your day". Akpos said
"but i am not ready" and death said,
"well you are next on my list." so Akpos tried
to plead with death but
it Refused,
"Ok why dont u take a sit while I
get
you something to eat before we go.?"
the Akpos said while shaking...
and death said "alright then." Akpos gave
death some food and had a wicked thought of adding
poison on it, but said
to Himself, 'since it is Death, poison
won't have any effect on it,' so he added
some sleeping pills in it, Death finished eating
and fell asleep when asleep, Akpos took the Death
list, Rubbed his name from top of the
list and Wrote it at the bottom of the list. So
when Death woke up he said to Akpos, "Because you
have been so nice to Me with much hospitality that I
even Fell asleep, I wil start the LIST FROM THE
BOTTOM!!"
?#? Akpos?Fainted#


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-26 22:28:57

270 Views




Every day may not be good but there is something good in every day.

Good Day!Related

BREAKING NEWS [Read it]


BREAKING NEWS:the federal government of nigeria has announced that today is thursday 25th of june 2015,and tomorrow is Friday 26th of june 2015..thanks for listening..no public holiday


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-25 14:22:25

705 Views




You can easily remove a girl out from the village but its hard to remove village from a village girl.

Which village is she from?








NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-12 17:01:44

1512 Views




I went back home and was just thinking
about everytyn
from beginning till where i found myself, i
put a call
through to my mum on getting home
Me: Hello Mum,
Mum: How are you oko mi
Me: Mum, what did you discussed with
Biola
Mum: i did what a normal mother should
do to safe the
family from embarrassment
“give me that phone” was the voice i heard
in the
background
Dad: you see snakie, we have been talking
toyou all
this while and its like you dot want to
listen, you still
want to cause embarrassment to this family
or what
else do you want us to do for you, moreover
we were
not the one that forced her into your
life..you saw her
yourself and asked her out, so whats your
problem for
crying out loud? Your introduction is next
weekend and
we are still at this stage please grow up for
once and
accept your responsibility
Me: But dad…
Dad: but what..dont but me abeg, we have
taken our
decision, and thats final…we have spoken
to Biola and
she has given us her commitment not to
have anytyn
to do with you again and that is how its
going to be…
so, brace up yourself for your marital life…
Good day my
boy…..
(he hanged up the phone on me)
What other option do i have now? Biola
switched off
already and my parent are still adamant , i
was still in
the room soliloquizing when Mary opened
the door on
me and went down on her knees crying
Mary: Please am very sorry snakie, please
forgive me
baby..i know i made mistakes playing
games with you
and trying to force myself on you but it
wasn’t
intentional baby…please am very sorry. I
would have
love to abort this myself but have be
warned severally
not to attempt abortion in my life cos it
might lead to
my death…please put me in the shoes of
your junior
sister.
I know sometimes, we don’t get what we
plan for in life
but one thing i know is that God knows all
our journey
in life and we being at this stage is not our
making but
how God want it. Please baby, i know what
you are
going through is not easy but i will be
ready to do
anytyn you want to make you happy….all i
want is for
you to give me a little chance that i can
also be the
best you want in a lady….Please am very
sorry for all
the troubles have caused you
Me: can i ask you a question?
Mary: Yes dear…
Me: What exactly do you want from me…
why did you
come into my life to ruin everytyn have
been building?
Mary: Sincerely, it wasn’t intentional..i
never believe it
will come out this way, i was only playing
games and
enjoying the game, never believe i will find
myself in
this situation but here i am now..and as
regards what i
want from you? All my prayer is for you to
give me the
chance to convince you..please am very
sorry for all
my troubles baby…..
Me: okay..have heard you
Mary: You’ve heard me?
Me: abi, what else do you want me
Mary: Okay…..
I left her in the room and stepped out for
fresh air, i
came back later in the night and mary was
on bed with
her transparent night wear..i hissed and
went to the
other room.
It was on Monday evening and i made my
way to
Biola’s office, i asked of her and i was told
she already
started her annual leave, i went straight to
their street
and waited there as i couldn’t enter their
house, i saw
a small boy by the next compound and
asked him to
help me go into their house and asked of
her, that was
after tipping the boy with N200. The boy
came back
and told me there was nobody at home.
I waited till around 10pm and there was
nobody like
Biola coming home,i headed straight to my
house..on
getting home, mary was already on bed
unclad, i was
so hungry that i didn’t have energy to
prepare anytyn
and had to settle for Mary’s left over in the
kitchen…
(first time i will be eating her food)
I went back inside, off my cloth and
straight to the
bathroom…my thought was that Mary was
already
asleep so i was walking unclad in the room
too picking
one or two things together but my eyes
didnt stop
looking at her on bed at a glance once in a
while and
this also send down some stimulus to my
Dickson even
though i tried to take my mind off it but my
Dickson
was thinking of something else for me
probably
because its been a while.
I headed to the bathroom, soap was on my
face when i
felt a hand on my Dickson, the response
was instant
and i knew who it was, before i made
attempt to rinse
my face, Mary’s mouth was already on my
Dickson
digging it in and out, i couldn’t help but
relax myself as
i was enjoying it, moreover its been a long
time i had
something like that.
As if she was waiting for my response as i
moved my
hand to her shoulder and robbing her
hair….before i
knew what was happening, we have already
spent up
to 20mins at the bathroom having
MouthAction. I lifted
her up and straight to the bed and we
started digging it
out and it was as if i was high…” who
needs condom
after she’s already pregnant”
Mary: Am very sorry baby…please just give
me the
chance
Me: No problem…its okay, am sorry for the
emotional
trauma too
Mary: Am i forgiven now
Me: Sort of but You didn’t offend me before
now
Mary: I did and i wish i can get to see
Biola too to
apologize to her for all my misdeed
Me: there’s no need for that abeg..dont
worry yourself
abeg..
Mary: So, whats the plan for Saturday
Me: Nothing……
Mary: Well, i will be going home on Friday
to prepare
with my family against your coming on
Saturday
Me: No problem, gimme your account
number lemme
transfer 200k to it for preparation
Mary: Thx so much dear…i love you so
much baby…
Me: No Problem
We went for another two rounds before
morning and I
already assume that I had no option than
to marry
Mary compulsorily. Mary was the first to
wake up the
following morning and the smile on her
face says it all.
She was just all over me, who will blame
her, I guess
any other lady will do more than that if
they were in
her shoes.
To Be Continued…



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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The blues [Read it]


SON... mother where is my food.?
MOTHER... Ur food is where chelsea is.
SON... you mean bottom of the table.
MOTHER... you ar brilliant.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-03 18:54:33

647 Views




Conversation Between Akpors And His
Girlfriend
Joy
JOY: honey do you still love me like before?
Akpors: Yes love! My love for you will never
change.
joy: thats my honey. I want you to buy me
something.
Akpors: Just name it
joy: It’s just one BB porsche.
Akpors: No problem. Just find out the price
and
let me know.
joy: It’s #350,000.
Akpors: Is it manual or automatic? Is it still
in a
good shape, as in the engine. Have you
checked
the fuel consumption too?
joy: Honey, its not a car oh, It’s a phone.
Akpors: Phone?!!!!!!!! that means it will have a
fridge, generator set, plasma and a wardrobe,
shey?
joy: Are you buying it or not?
Akpors: Please i am not oh! I can’t!
joy: Helloooooo!
Akpors: Hiiiiiiiii!
joy: Dont even bother again. I will call Alhaji
to
get it for me this evening.
Akpors: Better still, call Atiku, he will be
faster.
joysad, cry): I’m going to delete you.
Akpors: Is your fone hanging? because I have
deleted you since you mentioned porsche.”
One word for Akpors this time?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-11 10:51:30

1216 Views




GIRLFRIEND : (Low Voice) Sweety, last night I had a dream about you.
AKPORS: (excited) Oooh, Tell me Something Honey.
GIRLFRIEND: I dreamt we were on a bus when suddenly the bus lost control and fell in the river.
Everyone swam to save their life, but you were still swimming and searching for someone.
AKPORS: (with love): Oh, definitely, I was searching for You.. Right?"
GIRLFRIEND: (Frowns) NO, You were shouting, Driver! Driver!! conductor! Conductor!!,
Please, Give me My Change before You die. Lol


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-23 20:45:27

543 Views



Words of wisdom [Read it]


ORO AGBA ....... (Words of wisdom)
"Killi-mi-sumal-sumal". Chicken wey run
away from Borno go Ibadan go still end
up inside pot of soup; YOU CANT RUN
AWAY FROM UR DESTINY.
Todays newspaper na tomorrow suya wrap: KEEP CALM NOTHING LAST
FOREVER.
Cow wey dey in a hurry to go America
go come back as corn beef: JUST BE
PATIENT LET THE GAME COME TO
YOU,DONT RUSH. Akara and moinmoin get the same
parent, na wetin dem pass through
make dem different: HOW YOU START
DOESN'T MATTER,WHAT MATTERS IS HOW
YOU FINISH.
If life show you pepper,my guy make pepper soup from it: MAKE SOMETHING
GOOD OUT OF A BAD EXPERIENCE.
I get am before no be property: STOP
LIVING IN THE PAST AND START LIVING IN
THE PRESENT.
If person too tey for party e go follow dem wash plate: DONT OUTSTAY UR
WELCOME.
Craze no hard to form na d trekking be
wahala: EASIER SAID THAN DONE.
No matter how hot ur temper be,e no
fit boil beans: CALM DOWN, YOUR TEMPER WON'T SOLVE THE PROBLEM.
Every mallam with im own kettle,every
northerner with im own radio: EVERY
MAN FOR HIMSELF.
Frog eye no be open eye: HAVING BIG
EYES DOESN'T MAKE YOU CIVILISED. Bring suya...bring suya,na cow body dey
suffer am: EVERY ACTION HAS A
CONSEQUENCE.
E go better E go better na im make ibo
man still dey kano: WHEN THERE IS LIFE
THERE IS HOPE. The difference between ipekere and
plantain chips na packaging: DONT
JUDGE BASED ON APPEARANCE ALONE.
Escort me, escort me, na so slave trade
take start: SERIOUS THINGS SOMETIMES
START LIKE JOKE. Pikin wey use agbada take start, abeg
wetin e go wear wen e old: SLOW AND
STEADY WINS THE RACE.
The water wey dem use make eba can
never be recovered back: DONT CRY
OVER SPILLED MILK... Bro/Sis, COOL DOWN... GOD KNOWS ALL
AND HE ALONE IS IN CONTROL OF ALL
THINGS BECAUSE HE IS GOD ALONE AND
ABOVE
#BOLLY_SMART™ Cares


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-06-05 01:44:20

211 Views



Be honest [Read it]


You walk into your bedroom and saw a strange man sitting on your bed, you tell him to live he refuse, you get angry and slap him to your surprise he vomits #10000, you slap him again and he vomits #20000 another slap he vomits #50000. What will you do? A- run away. B- kidnap him. C- call the police. D- call your pastor. E- continue slapping him.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-03 21:25:30

323 Views




Shehu was in class 3 in 1983 . His
teacher always yelled at him, calling
him "a waste of conception, time and
space. And a sure failure in life ".
One day, poor Shehu's grand mother
came to school to check out how her grandson was doing. The teacher told
her quite frankly that she had never
seen such a dumb boy all her life; and
advised her to withdraw and enrol
him under an artisan , because formal
schooling for Shehu would be a total waste of time and money . The
grandmother, shocked at the teacher's
remarks, withdrew her grandson from
the school and relocated to Maiduguri.
25 years later the teacher was
diagnosed with a brain tumour. All the doctors she met advised her to do
surgery. And only a certain doctor in
the whole of Nigeria (practising in
Maiduguri) could perform this
procedure. Left with no alternative,
the poor teacher agreed to have the surgery performed . Fortunately, It
was successful. When she awoke
hours after the surgery, she saw a
handsome young doctor smiling
down
at her. She wanted to thank him but could not speak . She looked sideways
and suddenly began to
express shock & anguish , her face
started to turn pale ; she frantically
made attempts to raise her hand and
tell him something but couldn't. She struggled, she fought hard ... Till she
gave up the Ghost and died . The
young doctor was shocked . He tried
to find out what went wrong .
Eventually he found out that it was our
dear Shehu (now working as a cleaner in the hospital) who had disconnected
the lady's ventilator from d socket to
connect his phone charger . But wait
o... so una been think say na
Shehu become the doctor ?
Hahahahaha..... Dat na only 4 Nollywood movies o.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-09 00:13:25

541 Views







Akpors came into some serious
cash after carrying out a good business plan successfully that
completely changed his life; he started living large and even moved to a
very fantastic new home with his wife.

One night, an armed robber to his house and threatened to inject him
with blood containing the HIV virus if he didn’t drop all the money he
collected from the bank the day before.

Akpors : Are you going to leave me With the money if I allow you to inject me with the HIV virus?

The Thief: I will not collect the money and I will leave you.

On hearing this, he told the thief to give him 2 minutes and he went to
the toilet. When he came back from the toilet, he asked the thief to
inject him with the HIV virus.

The frustrated thief injected him with the HIV virus and left immediately.

As soon as the thief left, his crying wife ran up to him and became hysterical

The Wife: What the hell did you just do? Why would you risk both our lives for money?

Akpors : Darling, calm down, don’t mind the silly thief, he didn’t know that I put on a condom

the other time I went to the toilet.

Akpors’ wife fainted!
One word for Akpors this time around?



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-23 08:24:18

520 Views




Akpos walks into a barber shop,and asked,”can I get a
haircut?” The barber looked around the shop full of
customers and said, “About 2 hours.” Akpos left. A
few days later Akpos stuck his head in the door again
and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut, The
barber looked around at the shop and said, “About 3
hours.” Akpos left.
A week later akpos came into the shop and asked,
“How long before I can get a haircut?”
The barber looked around the shop and said, “About
an hour only.” The akpos left.
The barber turned to a friend and said, “Hey,Kufure,
do me a favour. Follow that guy and see where he
goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a
haircut but then he doesn’t ever come back. ”
A little while later, he returned to the shop, laughing
hysterically.
The barber asked, “So where does that guy go when
he leaves?”
Kufure looked up, tears in his eyes and said,
“To your wife.”


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-31 23:04:50

509 Views




CONFESSION
by Exyloconso

Episodes:

Darkness [Read it]


Okon: I think my LIFE is in DARKNESS
Akpos: Have you PRAY to GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.
Okon: Yes, but no change
Akpos: Have you seen a man of God for deliverance.
Okon: Yes, but no change still
Akpos: Then go and PAY your ELECTRICITY BILL


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-07 14:17:41

518 Views



D 3 thieves [Read it]


Three thieves were taken to court, and were found guilty.

The first man stole a tin of sardine. The judge sentenced him to three years in prison because there were three fishes in the tin.

The second man stole a tray of eggs, he got 30 years in prison because a tray of egg contains 30 eggs.

The third guy collapsed. He stole a bag of rice


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-28 15:34:30

180 Views




Politics, n: [Poly “many” + tics “blood-sucking parasites”]

~ Larry HardimanRelated

A professor drove into a petrol station in his sleek
state of the art range rover
sports,
Professor: guy abeg, give me full tank.
Fuel Attendant: Sir, i don’t speak pidgin, i only speak English
Professor: Ok! good morning, I currently feel a profound desire to replenish the propelling force of my motorized automobile. Therefore I cordially request you to transfer from your
subterranean reservoir a
sufficient quantity of the combustible fluid of the highest octane rating to fill the appropriate receptacle of the said means of perambulation to the brim.
Fuel Attendant: Oga na play
I dey play o, how much fuel you wan buy?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-09-20 22:13:47

350 Views






Dump
questions babes ask guys regularly and the funny answers guys give:

 

Are
you a player? 

Ans:
Yes, CHELSEA FC wants to sign me next season.

 

Why
do you wan't my Pin?

Ans:  I want to use it to burst balloons.

 

Can
you die for me?

Ans:
My name is surely not Romeo

 

My
BIS will soon expire, what am I going to do?

Ans:
Return the BB phone to the seller and get a Nokia 3310.

 

If
I sleep over in your house, hope nothing funny will happen?

Ans:
No, trust me, we would just perform a vigil.

 

Hope
you won't break my Heart?

Ans:
If you don't put it at the edge of the table.

 

Can
you take me out?

Ans:
Sorry are you in prison?

 

Can
you come and pick me up?

Ans:
Are you a beans seed?

 

I
think I've missed my period

Ans:
Then ask the class captain for the next class!

 

Can't
you get a Car?

Ans:
Did your father have a car when he was in college?


Dump questions babes ask guys regularly and the funny answers guys give:

Are you a player?
Ans: Yes, CHELSEA FC wants to sign me next season.

Why do you wan't my Pin?
Ans: I want to use it to burst balloons.

Can you die for me?
Ans: My name is surely not Romeo

My BIS will soon expire, what am I going to do?
Ans: Return the BB phone to the seller and get a Nokia 3310.

If I sleep over in your house, hope nothing funny will happen?
Ans: No, trust me, we would just perform a vigil.

Hope you won't break my Heart?
Ans: If you don't put it at the edge of the table.

Can you take me out?
Ans: Sorry are you in prison?

Can you come and pick me up?
Ans: Are you a beans seed?

I think I've missed my period
Ans: Then ask the class captain for the next class!

Can't you get a Car?
Ans: Did your father have a car when he was in college?

See more at:

Extraordinary purpose
Live the ordinary days with extraordinary purpose, and you achieve great things. Remember often enough where you intend to go, and you absolutely will get there. A New Year is upon you, filled with days, with moments, with opportunities. Commit yourself right now to take those opportunities, to live the upcoming days with positive purpose, with enthusiastic energy, with the highest
expectations. You deserve to live a life that’s
rich with meaningful experience, a life that matters, that makes a difference. And you
deserve to be the person who makes that life unfold in your own unique way. You have skills you don’t yet know you have, and
resources you don’t even realize are
available to you. The way to discover all the great things you can do is to constantly push yourself to act, to constantly be reminded of
your best possibilities. Imagine what will happen this coming year when you
funnel all your energy, feelings, joys,
passions, dreams into purposeful action. Imagine how great you’ll feel, knowing
you’ve made full and loving use of all the
moments available to you. Imagine it,
then make the choice to make it happen.
The New Year awaits, and you’ve already
begun to live it with extraordinary purpose.
#Happynewyear
#lexzytee


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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The chicken [Read it]


Akpos sister called Akpos and the following conversation ensued
Akpos sister:i wil tel mummy to stop cooking chicken for us
Akpos;why
Akpos sister:this small hair that the chicken had,have started coming out,in my body
Akpos:are you sure.
Akpos sisterponting at her vagina).look down there you wil see it
Akpos:is true oh,even me self.(pointing at his penis)
Akpos sister:hey !,ur own is not only hair,see d chicken neck.
Akpos:is that only what u see,look down there u wil see 2 small eggs.
Akpos sister:hey,mummy have kil us,u are almost turning 2 chicken,small tym now u wil ray d eggs.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-27 01:30:19

292 Views




Hey What's up? My name is Cris B, and I am from Nigeria. Yesterday I traveled to U.S.A just to go and charge my Nokia phone, since there was no Nepa light in Nigeria, and fuel was too.... You know nau.. After Charging my phone I decided to return back to Nigeria. On my way coming back to Nigeria, I branched Dubai in order to eat mama put (fofu and Afang soup). As I was eating, I discovered that my Nokia Touch Phone, had a problem, because of the love I have for the Phone, I decided to fly to China and repair the phone there, also because in China, repairing a phone is very cheap. without hesitation, I took a bike from Dubai to CHINA just To repair the Phone. After Repairing the phone, I took a keke Napep (tricycle) to the Chinese international airport, so I could finally return back to my country, but it wasn't long before I realized that I Had lost my Phone charger, with nothing else to do, I took a bus from there to ...JAPAN.. Just to buy a new charger because it will be 50% cheaper there than in China.
After buying the charger.
I finally took a flight back to Nigeria. I thank God for the wonderful journey, but the problem now is that I just realized that, I have lost my Handkerchief;(
I am sure that I must have left it at China.
But The Question now is,,, Should I travel to China just to go and get the Handkerchief?
Please help me out. I realy need your advice on this one,
Thank you.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-29 18:41:26

500 Views




GRAND INSULT: You’re so ugly, you could practice birth control just by leaving the lights on!Related

CHILD QUES TION [Read it]


a child asked his father daddy if groundnut oil comes from groundnut, palm oil comes from palm fruit coconut oil comes from coconut where do baby oil come from father replied from the baby child ask do they vomit it,sheet it from the anus orh hw d father replied anyhow is a how all i knw is it comes from the baby one word for the father


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-23 10:46:33

285 Views




I simply love the tan lines that girls get after sunbathing? It’s almost like god came down and highlighted all the important parts!Related

Time [Read it]


There's always a time for a second chance, but a second chance missused can never be regained. So my dear anything doing is worth doing well.by me


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Wanting to lose weight, a woman placed a picture of a shapely, pinup model in her refrigerator to remind her of her goal.
The reminder worked like a charm as the woman discovered that she had lost ten pounds in the first month of using this method.
The downside to this was that her husband spent so much time going into the fridge to look at the picture that he ended up gaining fifteen pounds!Related

brain or money [Read it]


Akpos teacher was teaching and asked Akpos,'brain and money which one wil u choose.
AKPOs:i will choose money.
Teacher:ah,i wil choose brain
Akpos:yes,every one wil go for d one he/she don't have


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-06 10:45:37

427 Views




Even your own wife is beautiful,

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it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it.Related

wise man [Read it]


A girl at a bus top spotted a handsome man and
without hesitation went
to him and said:
.
" I love you"....
.
The man out of shock simply placed his hand on
her shoulder and said: "My Dear, This love and
infatuation all are nothing,
you are too young to be behaving like this. .
Please
go back to your
house and study hard so that you can
have a successful life". . .he then placed a piece
of
paper on her hand:..."I
have written some
words of wisdom & bible verses for you, read
them
before you go to
sleep" and then he went away.
.
. . The girl went back to her hostel in tears and
before she slept, she
opened the paper and
read thus:
.
"Are you blind? My wife was standing behind me,
anyway this is my
number call me anytime. .
.by the way.. I love you too!" Lolzzzzz.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-24 15:29:18

418 Views



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