Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:

The pet shop. [Read it]


A man went into a pet shop with the intention of purchasing a parrot. In the pet shop were three parrots, he asked for the price of the first parrot and the shop keeper said #20000, he asked what dose it do? the shop keeper said it speaks english, igbo, hausa and yoruba. He then asked for the price of the next parrot and he was told #40000, why he asked and he was told that in addition to the language of the first parrot this one speaks french and spanish. He then saw the last parrot that has been silent since he came into the shop and was looking unkept and has lost alot of feathers and he asked for the price and he was told #90000, why should it be more expensive he asked it dose not look good he said. The shop keeper told him that since they brought in the bird it has said nothing but those other two parrot calls him chairman that why he is more expensive.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-29 10:27:25

467 Views




STORY WRITING BY

Mother Luis Dagnino

Episodes: >>

Wedding kiss [Read it]


What name do we give this kiss








NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-19 08:20:47

1168 Views




Banta is a teacher and exam ke liye Question Paper banaya…

Paper dekhte hi saare bachche behosh ho gaye… Questions were:


1. ‘China’ kis Desh me hai ?


2. ’15th August’ kis Date ko Aati hai ?


3. ‘Green’ colour kis rang ka Hota hai ?


4. ‘Tamatar’ ko Hindi may kya Bolte hai ?


5. ‘Mumtaz’ ki Qabar main Kon Dafan hai ?Related

“Isn’t the principal a dummy!” – said Akpos to a girl.
“Well, do you know who I am?” – asked the girl.
“No.” – replied Akpos.
“I’m the principal’s daughter.” – said the girl.
“And do you know who I am?” – Akpos asked.
“No.” – she replied.
“Thank goodness!” – said Akpos with a sign of relief.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-06-08 15:00:35

298 Views




PADDY OF LIFE=>WRITE UP BY DINDY
Please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission,thank you for reading this write up…
Sand and dust are so closely related; that is how we are.
Without sand they won’t be dust; that’s how close our life is.
Sand tells time while dust recreates the shadows of time; that’s how time brought us together.
Sand are root of the earth while dust are the seeds of the earth; that’s how we are,and you made me a little bit bold.
We are both like sand and dust,you have always been with me, you gave me your attention even when I didn’t return it back to you.
Even when I ignored you,you kept on giving me advice,you told me your pains even when I never understood it.
You believed in me when no one believed in me,you showed me trust when no one trusted me,you stood by me and defended me when everyone looked down on me and abuse me,you told me about yourself even when I cared less,you told me sorry even when you were not at fault,you understood me so much when no one did,you enjoy pushing me above my limit because you wanna see me improve.
My paddy of life ‘FAITH’,she is an amazing friend that any guy will wanna have,she is an incredible wife,a supernatural human,but sometimes she acts crazy (but not more than me),she is very beautiful and she has this crazy looks aka lovely eyes(if see her you will for her).
She is just……….I don’t even know the right words to say again.
She is the brightest moon light any guy will have in his heart,she is the biggest and loveliest person anyone will fight for,she is the right person for any guy, she is the best thing that ever happened to nature.
She is my one and true BEST PADDY OF LIFE(BPOL) AKA ‘FAITH’.
MY NAME IS NNAMDI AKA DINDY AND I WROTE THIS WRITE UP.LEARN FROM WHAT YOU READ NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND.THANKS FOR READING……………..WRITE UP BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI………whatsapp number:07087750433…. email@:OSSYNNAMDI @gmail.com or OSSYNNAMDI @outlook.com facebook name:OSSY Andy Nnamdi…….Skype: 07087750433 or OSSYNNAMDI @outlook.com………………Twitter:@nnamdiossy.







NAIRAJOKES.COM




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police matter [Read it]


Police matter
Police arrested u and collected ur phone, a text message came in saying; "Abeg if u dey come buy one AK-47 and 4 bullets make we take do night things".
How do you explain to d police that ur friend meant a vodka (AK-47) and 4 energy drinks (bullets). To make matters worse, ur friend's name is Robert but u saved it as ROB-1 as contact. What will you do to convince a Nigeria police. ?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-24 11:40:28

486 Views




A little girl and her mother are at
chuch when the little girl starts to
feel sick. Her mother tells her to
go throw up in the bushes behind
the church.
When the little girl returns, her
mother asks her if she threw up.
"Yes," the girl says. "But I didn't
have to go all the way around the
back. There was a box near the
front door that said 'For the Sick.'"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-05 10:41:36

769 Views




Akpos:dad who iz an idiot?
Akpos's father:a person who xplain sumtin in a way u won't understand.did u understand?
Akpos:no.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-04 22:09:19

222 Views




After three weeks Remilekun and I have become intimate . Our friendship is beginning to graduate into a romantic relationship. Over the weeks we had one date at chicken republic and we spoke on phone every day and night. Although that didn’t disturb us from pinging every now and then. We have shared our life experiences. I told her my past, including how my housewife left me alone. Immediately she mentioned her father’s name, which she reluctantly did, I got to know that she is a daughter of one of the richest men in town. That, indeed, really shows in her behaviour. She always acts like ‘Ajebota’ or rather ‘Mummy’s pet’.
Although I was brought up the same way, but all that changed when I began to face the mysteries of life.
According to her, she is twenty-six years of age. She just finished serving last year and now she is going to start working as a director in one of her father’s cement-producing companies. During our date she told me she doesn’t like clubbing, but her friends had forced her that very night we met. She said one of them was celebrating her birthday. Remilekun wasn’t even shy to add that all her friends really admire my look.
****
When I’m returning home from the office I pack by the road to call Remilekun. I hardly dial the number before her voice lulls my ear.
“Hello, dear.” She says.
“He-llo-o, my darling, princess Remson,” I say dramatically, and I can hear her smile, “When should I be expecting you? You promised you were coming to know my place yesterday, but you failed.”
“Baby, I am so sorry,” She says with a real sorry voice, “ Mummy went out with my car and I didn’t want to take out any other car.”
“Oh, what is wrong with Mum’s car now?” I mimic her usual babyish voice, and she chuckles.
She says her Mum’s car is under repair. She let me realize that her car has the lowest status in their house, and right from time, she doesn’t like to ride expensive cars in order to disguise her personality. She further says that her elder brother is riding the latest range rover sport, and her only younger sister, whom I met that night, is also using an expensive one.
“And Why don’t you like to show your true personality?” I get curious.
“I’ll tell you later.” She breathes.
“Okay. Is that another promise?”
“Yeah.”
At last she promises that she is coming to my place on her way back from Sunday service, which is tomorrow. They normally close from their church by 2: 0 clock. We say goodbye to each other.
On Sunday evening, around 4:0 clock, Remilekun has not shown up. I have tried her number several times, but I couldn’t get her through. I have been reading daily times in the sitting room. Every slight sound at the door seems to alert me. And any droning of a car would make me go to the windowpane to peep downstairs. I have done that up to four times, for I am staying at the third floor.
If Remilekun should bring her car, there wouldn’t be a parking space for her as the compound is already choked with cars. So the only thing I have to watch out for is a knock at the door. I have already given her my address and she claimed she is used to my area. And therefore the address to my flat wouldn’t prove difficult for her. She is the only guest I am expecting for today.
I’ve filled my bar and freezer with her favourite drinks. I asked Lara to prepare some fried chickens, noodles and salad for her before she left for her Mum’s place in the morning. Of course, I have got to know all her favourites through our regular interactions. Lara is going to return in the night.
About fifteen minutes later I hear a knock at the door; my heart lurches with excitement. But it has started raining heavily outside. I place the daily times on the center table, and I adjust my cloth as I walk to the door.
“Oga, sir. Person dey look for you for ‘down-down’,” Our gateman says to me as I open the door. The old man is an illiterate who speaks pidgin English with a strong Yoruba accent.
“You mean downstairs?” I asked politely.
“Yes, na down-down steer.” The man points his finger downwards from the balcony.
I finally ask the man in Yoruba if the guest is a male or female, and I am glad to hear it’s a female. The old man must have asked her to stay behind. I quickly rush downstairs with the man, but who I meet there is not Remilekun. The lady is one of Lara’s beautiful friends who is completely soaked in the rain.

>>

10 type of people you meet in Vigils.
In the quest of being with
Christ on the last day i need to go to Godly meetings so as to boost my
spiritual life meanwhile in the quest i did some observations here they
are...
1.The space bookers: especially when its an important
pastor coming that day you tried you best coming before time just to
make front seat only to see books,Bibles,scarf,pen,slippers all in the
name of space booking .i be like na iceberylin decendants de here?
.
2.The active followers Indeed.: When you'll be listening to a very important teaching from the pastor only to hear someone shouting from the back ''Amen''..only to discover they have being sleeping..
i come de think nah devil tell am IJN?
.
3.Skilful sleepers:
this kind of people i give hand and sometimes look up to when i need
their skills... You see a bro eyes wide open only to discover that The Individual is currently busy in France...some will act like they are reading the bible in pretence i be like who is decieving who?
.
4.The Fake serious ones.:
lol sha am guilty of this sha..this ones will sit down near a cute girl
so they would be serious so as not to sleep..lol abi you wan flog am
head?
. Abi you wan eat okra soup that morning?
.
5.Sleep walkers:
ahh this ones de fear me oo..This ones can stand up and walk to the
generating set and switch it off...some may even walk to the offering
basket and carry it..lol even man of God no de stop dem you want blow?
.
6.Deep sleepers.: The way this people sleep eh.. you be like why didnt de come with camp bed
they
sit on the sit with their legs wide open and their head backwards with
their mouth open as if they want to swallow all their problems..
Some even fall of form their seat..they seriously need Jesus in their life.
.
7. Boring pastors;
seriously why some people sleep aint because they aint intrested just
the pastor is very boring the annoying part is when he drops one boring
statment like that and he start laughing i be like.. Watin de make this
one Laugh?
.
8.Just for Dance: This people i give
hand..arrh any dance step de are on it.. Arrh de always have partners
competing on who to stop last.. But few minutes after the dance de don
branch for one chair logg off ... I be like nah so you take de charge?
.
9 The sleep Talkers: Never knew this kind off people exist until i sat beside this man one vigil..
The man started: em..Nnah gave me cash you know its season everrrybo-dy wants cash business not Cledit...choi..lwgmeEbola
the
other one was that i happen seat near this babe so make sleep no catch
me.. Nah im she start: why i no go do shakara you want make e call me
cheap girl?...see me big time gossip i just de expect make she call him
name lol..
.
.10 Tent builders:Thank God vigil has come to
an end let me look for where to rest my head..ahh where this people come
from nah?..they just be building tents, standing mosquitoe net, using
chair to form room and palour..choi nah camp i come? How many hours
remain make we de go house?...
Feel free to add yours..
And which are you guilty of?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-02 20:42:30

317 Views




The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool.


“Everyone knows,” the mother lectured him, “that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool.”


“Oh really?” said the lifeguard, “from the diving board!?!?”Related

Which one is the most painful?
1. Studying for 7 years in a University, then stay
home for 10 years unemployed!
2. Raise a child for 20 years, then find out he/
she is not yours!
3. Work hard for the whole month, then go to the ATM and get robbed!
4. Going to school for 11months, then get your
report written failed...
5. Being faithful to the person you call your
Soulmate, then in return, you get AIDS!
6. Study for the whole night for a test, then fail the test.
7. Being in a very good relationship with
someone and then end up marrying someone
else.
8. You're downloading a video of 5gb and when
it reaches 98% your phone dies! mine is 1&8 #pls like and share this page@ www.facebook.com/9jastudentforum #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-02 10:48:49

435 Views



Funny triplet [Read it]


Once upon a time there was a women that was about to have triplets.In her stomach the babies were talking to each other.
The first baby says "I want to be a plumber, because there is so much water in here".
The second baby says "I want to be an electrician because it is so dark in here".
And the last baby says "I want to be a hunter, because if that damn snake comes back in here i'm going to cut it off".


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-05 19:31:50

712 Views




Sharabi daaru pee pee kar mar gaya
lekin
marte marte bhi keh gaya,,
.
.
.
.
.
Daaru toh BRANDED hi peeta tha
.
.
.
Saala Liver hi LOCAL nikla
=))Related

MTN NEW 3.3GB WORKS PERFECTLY WELL!! FROM SEPTEMEBER 2015 TILL FOREVER! MTN CAN NEVA BLOCK DIS ON!! Buy a new mtn sim, Dial *222# or
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3.3gb for 6 months........
Watch wat will happen Check ur acct with*131*2#....
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Tested and confirmed.
I just got mine


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-07 22:55:21

530 Views




Akpos goes over to see
his neighbour who has a
very ferocious looking
dog. As Akpos
approaches the door,
the dog begins to bark
wildly and his neighbour
says to him,
“Come on in, Akpos!
Don’t be afraid of my
dog. You know the old
proverb: A barking dog
never bites.”
“Yes,” replied Akpos, “I
know the proverb, and
you know the proverb,
but the real question is..
does your dog know the proverb?”



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-18 21:23:58

733 Views




Ishq Kee Duniya Mein Ek Hungama Barpaa Kar Diya;

Ai Khayal-e-Dost Ye Kya Ho Gaya Kya Kar Diya;



Zarre Zarre Ne Mera Afsana Sun Kar Daad Dee;

Main Ne Vahshat Mein Jahaan Ko Tera Shaida Kar Diya;



Toor Par Raah-e-Wafa Mein Bo Diye Kaante Kaleem;

Ishq Kee Vusaat Ko Masdood-e-Taqazaa Kar Diya;



Bistar-e-Mashriq Se Sooraj Ne Uthayaa Apana Sar;

Kis Ne Ye Mehfil Mein Zikr-e-Husn-e-Yaktaa Kar Diya;



Chashm-e-Nargis Jaa-e-Shabnam Khoon Royegi Nadeem;

Maine Jis Din Gulasitan Ka Raaz Ifsaa Kar Diya;



Mudda-e-Dil Kahun ‘Ehasaan’ Kis Umeed Par;

Wo Jo Chahenge Karenge Aur Jo Chaha Kar Diya!Related

9ja [Read it]


#9ja Police be like
'The picture in your License u carry Afro, now you are on Low-cut.
Oboy come Down!!!!
.
.
���


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-17 23:12:11

224 Views



Funny jokes [Read it]




Some guys on Facebook be like;
Babe how are you? What's your
name?
Your age? Your location?
Tell me more about yourself....
Bros chill, person lost for your area??



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-01-11 11:59:22

617 Views




Wife: Tum toh mujhe shaadi ke pehle se jaante the, kya main badal gayi hoon?

Hubby: Shaadi ke pehle you were a real ‘Chick’… but now you are always “Chick Chick Chick”!Related

To devote your life to the good of all and to the happiness of all is religion. Whatever you do for your own sake is not religion.

-Swami VivekanandaRelated

Riddles [Read it]


There was a plane crash @ d middle of england nd south africa where wil d survival buried


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-30 09:06:17

385 Views




A strong n positive attitude creates more miracles than any other thing because Life is 10% how u make it & 90% how u take it.

Gud MorningRelated

1st day in a new session, the flowing.conversation between akpos nd his teacher went thus!

Akpos: Ma if you mix omo and Aerial can they produce form?
Teacher (angrily): Yes of cos, what an awful child you are, this one u have started a new session with a silly question are u sure you are going to learn anytin at all?

Akpos looked back at the rest of the class, giggled and said "what a dumb teacher she is, how can u get foam form Omo nd Aeriel without adding water to it, are you sure we are going to learn any thin at all from this woman. Don't you think we need a CHANGE



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-14 16:16:50

544 Views



hope [Read it]


Do you have a hope of getting to heaven? Do
you hope for a rest after your toils, trails and
suffering in this world? Then look up unto
JESUS. Your sins must be washed if you want
to get to heaven, you need to be made a new
a new creature, having the life and nature of
God in you and be an overcame all the days of
your life. And they overcame him (satan) by
the BLOOD OF THE LAMB (JESUS).


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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If it weren’t for music, there would have been so much noise in the world.

Happy World Music Day!Related

Akpos and his wife was having a walk one evening. As they pass the nearby market a handsome guy selling meat waved Akpos`s wife and she responded. "Who was that" says Akpos. "He is my very good customer that use to sell meat for me well. I like him so much.", responded the wife. Akpos wasn`t happy inside him but he kept it to himself. As they kept going, Akpos saw a girl by the other side of the road and waved her. "Honey who was that girl?" said his wife. She use to rob my back when u stay long at the market.




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-03 16:38:02

1279 Views




“Hmm….hmm,” he groaned softly
obviously enjoying the taste of me.
My other hand found its way to my
b-----s and I gently kneaded them
enjoying the intense sensations my
body was going through.
“Oh kevwe, what …are you doing to
me?”
Something was happening to my body,
it felt familiar…it felt good….it felt like
pleasure was building upon pleasure as
Kevwe kept stroking my c------s with
his tongue…as if sensing the growing
tension in my body, he became more
insistent. He lapped me up even more
urgently.
Throwing my head back, I moaned
kneading my b-----s even harder
almost roughly “Kevwe..ahh.baby….I
think..it’s coming…”
The tension in my body was
heightening and I feared I was almost
at the top of it all, it was so intense…..
“Give into it,” kevwe instructed gently
as he suddenly grabbed my hips tightly
in his hands, licking me the last few
steps to my c----x.
My body broke and I was taken over by
spasmodic contractions, I couldn’t help
myself and so I gave into it as Kevwe
had suggested, it was a wonderful
feeling and all I could do was moan as I
felt the involuntary contractions within
me letting loose. My b-----s jiggled as
my body jerked, the pleasure took over
me and all I did was let out
embarrassing “oohs….” in between
jerks.
I wasn’t sure how long it took for me to
ride the waves of passion but when I
opened my eyes, it was to see Kevwe
staring at me intently.
Thinking it was over, I smiled, running
a hand over the side of his face “That
was a… wow, Kevwe….I never knew it
could feel so good, it was inexplicable.”
He smiled “That was just the appetizer
Noms, now is the time for our main
course.” He said pulling me down from
the cabinet and turning me over so my
back was to him. He wasted no time.
Unbuckling his belt, he let his pants and
boxer briefs drop and I caught a
glimpse of his rigid member, stretched
and ready to prod my inner chamber.
Just the thought sent sears of pleasure
across my belly.
Still standing, he spaced out my legs a
bit as one of his hands felt for my
opening, his fingers found my sensitive
nub again and he briefly rubbed
against it and I couldn’t help another
moan.
“You like that a lot, don’t you?” He
asked and I nodded. “Then this will be
a lot better.”
I felt his hard member nestled at my
moist opening before he took me
suddenly, shoving his thick member
deep into me in one straight push.
Aided by my gushing wetness, he
rammed straight into my core releasing
a groaning gasp from the both of us.
“Ahh…Kevwe…” I cried at the sudden
pleasure but he didn’t pause or wait for
me to catch my breath.
I leaned forward slightly holding on to
the edge of the cabinet for support,
both of his hands on my hips as he led
them in a simultaneous rhythm with
his, every t----t meeting my core and
sending spurts of bursting pleasure
through me. With every t----t he
made, in and out, new bursts sputtered
within me.
My b-----s graced the top of the
cabinet, his movements sped up as his
need was driving him to f--k me
harder and deeper but I wanted more.
“Oh do me harder, baby…”
He chuckled light before asking,
huskily, “can you take it babe? Can
you?”
“Yeah…yeah.”
Holding my hips even more tighter and
leaning me forward some more, he
rammed into me so hard, I screamed
from the pain or pleasure….it was
unsure which but the sensual ripples
that tore through me were simply
exquisite.
“You are so deep babe… so deep you
take all of me…. so deep and so
sweet….” He groaned roughly as his
thrusts came faster and even more
insistent.
“Ohh, yes!” I exclaimed loving it and
pushing my a-s back into him, urging
him to go even deeper.” Yes babe!
….Ahh Yes!”
“You are so f-----g sweet Noms, I
swear it but …dont you ever think I
would ever …need… any pill to f--k you
senseless!”
“I won’t….” I whispered the promise as
my core was knotted in so much
sensation that I didn’t trust myself to
speak…anytime from now, Kevwe’s
assault on me was going to tip me over
the edge.
As if he felt it too, he said quickly as he
thrusted deeply into me. “No! don’t give
in yet…. hold it back Noms, I’m not……”
He didn’t get to finish his sentence as
my body suddenly reached its limit and
came crashing instantly setting off his
own release. My insides began
contracting of their own volition
against his member giving him no other
choice but to lose whatever control he’d
held on to.
He jerked to the tune of his release
holding tightly on to my hips while I
held on to the edge of the cabinet as if
for dear life. We clung to the precipice
of our desires as it raked through our
bodies in a tumultuous wave of
insurmountable sensations.
“Oh darling….” Kewe managed gruffly
while kissing my sweaty back lightly as
he jerked against my a-s “you’re …just
awesome.”
I smiled, floating on a very pleasant
post o----m haze. I had never o----m
once, not to talk of twice in a row. “If
you asked me, I would say you were the
awesome one.”
While I had been the quite foolish one.
If I’d known I could have just told him
everything, told him I was looking to
get f----d stupid and also known that
he would have granted my wish
without complaints, I would have done
it long ago.
But then it was quite odd, he hadn’t
even bothered about the rape and
violation I had gone through in a
stranger’s hands. He hadn’t said a
thing about it.
“I’m quite surprised you’re not
freaking out about the rape though, you
didn’t care to know if he wore
protection or not….. you didn’t care to
know what I did after it.”
Even if he didn’t want to talk about it, I
had to.

To Be Continued. Drop your likes and comments. ????????


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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wifi network [Read it]


A girl started noticing a guy who stands in-front of her home everyday in the evening. She noticed the guy always comes mostly in the evenings and weekends. The guy never tried to talk to her nor showed any gesture, he just moves here and there by looking into his mobile phone and occasionally stealing a stare at her.It went on like that for a year and the girl understood the guy was in love with her but was too shy to express his feelings. So, she told her parents.They too saw him and liked him. They discussed with her grandparents about a likely marriage. But wanted her to make the first move.Next day, she went to him and said:"Hi. I'm Radha."
GUY: "Hi. I'm Chris."Hearing this, the Girl was very happy as the names were matching like LordChris and Radha Devi.
The girl went on and said: "I really appreciate your patience and decency.You have been standing in front of my home everyday for about a year now.So, I understand that you are in love with me but too shy to say it. I think I really like you too and would love it if we get married."The guy smiled and Said: "Forgive me sister! Actually your home's WIFIdoesn't have a password. So, I comehere every evening after work to usefree wi-fi to chat with my Girlfriend!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-15 20:24:39

342 Views




Our hostel is located at zanrab bustop which is just like 15mins journey to our school and N10 cab. There is a roundabout when you walk down the street beside zanrab filling station and my house is the first house on the first street by the left. It was a total relief moving all my belongings to the hostel, ismaeel came to pick me at the junction that very faithful evening as he led me home…
Me: Salam aleikum waramotullahi wa barakatuhu (Peace be unto this house)
Ismaeel: Wa aleikum salam my brother (Peace be unto you too)
Me: Alhamdullilahi (I thank God) for journey mercy
Ismaeel: Alhamdullilahi but this load is much fa Abdulrahman…how you take carry am now
Me: what will i do now when they packed everything for me
Ismaeel: Its good sha..i remember my first time of coming to the hostel too……it was like they should pack all Offa for me to bring to school
Me: That is serious……
“Started unpacking my stuff”
Me: Hope you have stove and cooking utensils at home
Ismaeel: Yes, i have some which i believe is okay…..ohhh, you even came with food stuff
Me: Yes…
Ismaeel: Ahhh…Garri re, Rice and spaghetti
Me:That is the hand work of mumsy ooo
Ismaeel: Dried pepper, magi and salt are also included?
Me: Abi now…at least we won’t be eating rice and all other things alone without their supplements.
Ismaeel: That is good.Welcome to the house and Unilorin once again my brother
Me: Thanks bro
Ismaeel house was not a well too furnished house, but its normal for a student. There was a deck in the room which we used to play music, carpet was what was laid in the room and a 6 by 7 mattress was put on the floor, there was an hanger by the wall for cloth and a cupboard which food stuffs are kept.
Our house was a BQ behind the main building, the main building was a storey building and the up was occupied by the a family man whom i was told resides in Abuja but do come home one weekend in a month and spend his annual holiday with his family here in Ilorin. They had just two little kids together, A 3 year old boy and a year old baby.
The other 3 bedroom flat was occupied by 4 female student sharing the room one by one and the sitting room was also demarcated to make it four rooms. All the rooms in the house were ensuite while the person that occupied the sitting make use of the outside toilet while they all shared the kitchen together.
There was only two BQ in the house and it was done in a way whereby the toilet are separated from each other but we shared the same kitchen that was separated by a door from each room. The two BQ was given to two guys so that the house wont be filled up with ladies alone for security purpose.


>>

Opportunity is often difficult to recognise we usually expect it to beckon us with beepers and billboards.

~ William Arthur WardRelated

Santa and Banta drove to a Petrol pump in a remote place for a fill-up because they heard about a contest being offered to anybody who purchased a full tank of petrol. When they went inside to pay, Santa asked the attendant about the contest.


The attendant said, “If you win, you`re entitled to free SEX,”

Santa asked how can he enter the contest.

The attendant explained, “Well, I`m thinking of a number between 1-10, if you guess it right you win free SEX.”

So Santa filled up and asked to play the contest and said, ” I Guess 7.”

“Sorry I was thinking of 8,” replied the attendant.

The next week, Santa and Banta returned to the same pump to get petrol. When they went inside to pay, Santa asked the attendant if the contest was still going on.

“Sure,” replied the attendant. “I`m thinking of a number between 1-10, if you guess right, you win free sex.”

“2,” said Santa.

“Sorry, I was thinking of 3,” replied the attendant. “Come back soon and try again.”

As Santa and Banta were walking back to the car, Banta said to Santa, “You know, I`m beginning to think this contest is rigged.”

“No way,” said Santa, “My wife won twice last week.”Related

I DON RIPE [Read it]


A madman at Kaduna Psychiatry hospital climbed a tree and spent half the day on that tree. All of a sudden, he let go of the branch and fell straight to the ground with full force.
One of the Doctors rushed to the scene and asked him, ''Udeme what's the matter with u?"

The madman gladly replied...

"I DON RIPE"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-17 23:31:42

395 Views




A man carrying Ak-47 ran into a church.

Who is a child of God here? He said. Let me send the person to Heaven.

The congregation was silent.

The man released one bullet in the air.

The congregation trembled in fear.

Who is a child of God here? Let me send that person to Heaven. He said again, this time shouting.

The congregation shouted back, It's Pastor o. He always say that he is a child of God.

The Pastor interrupted, What, what kind of conspiracy is this? Everybody knows that i'm the son of Onoriode and the grandson of Benson Arerosuo.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-17 11:20:27

300 Views



smart machine [Read it]


One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt.
His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can
diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose
your problem and tell you what you can do about it.
It only costs $10."
Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample
and went to the drug store.
Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started
flashing.
After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was
printed:
You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water.
Avoid heavy lifting.
It will be better in two weeks."
Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was
and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if
this machine could be fooled.
He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and
urine samples from his wife and daughter.
To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the
sample and deposited the $10.
The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following
message:
"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms.
Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a
rehabilitation clinic.
Your wife is pregnant with twin girls.
They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-02 18:49:27

776 Views



For sale [Read it]


House for sale with swimming pool......... Call dis numba 0808587****







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-01 18:09:24

1089 Views




BROKEN SEAL
Episode 17

We drove to a (ski) jet station,
parked the car in the parking
lot, then Ella and I walked to
the attendants.
Ella: boat driving?
Me: more than that dear.
Helmsman: hey bro, you’ar
back!
Me: yeah, shall we?
Helmsman: yup! We jumped
into the ski jet, the dude drove
crazily, ‘tearing’ the blue water
in his way. Soon we arrived the
shore leading to an island.
Helmsman: here we go guys!!!
I winked at him, reminding
him of our deal, before Ella
and I alighted.
Me: Ella, you’d have to close
your eyes……no no i mean i’d
be blindfolding you. She
closed her eyes, i then
removed a dark blindfold from
my back pocket and fixed it
properly on her eyes. I guided
her path, so she wouldn’t trip.
We reached the centre of the
island. Royal palms were
scarcely planted.
Me: Ella, i’d count one to three,
on the third count, you untie
your eyes, yeah?
Ella: yeah, lets have the
countdown.
Me: (loudly) one…..two….
Everyone: threeeee.
The expression on Ella’s face
was that of suprise. Why won’t
she be suprised? I never told
her i invited my friends and
colleagues to the island. The
people seated some meters
away from us would number to
20, each with his partner!!!
‘king & queen’ gold coated
rose decorated chairs were
reserved for us, courtesy of
samuel.
Ella: (smiling) Isaiah…i….don’t.­
….
Me: (placing my right index
finger on her lips) sshhhhh. I
dipped my hand in my pocket
and brought out a red parcel, i
opened it to reveal a shiny
daimond engagement ring,
then i went down, with my
right knee touching the ground
and the other slightly above
the ground….
Me: Ella Lagdemeo, would you
become Ella Guidotti? She also
went on her knees, hmmmm
what is she up to? She then
planted a soft kiss on my
lips!!!!
Ella: yes…yes Isaiah, i’d marry
you!!!
I helped her up and huged her
tightly.
Me: (loud enough for others to
hear) Mahal kita Ella! (i love
you Ella)
Ella: Mahal din kita (i love you
too). We both took our ‘king
and queen’ seat. The people
present couldn’t help but
scream and clap. Samuel
staggered like a drunk to the
podium.
Samuel: ladies and gents, its
time for beach parrryyy (party).
Everyone: yeeeee!”!
IN EVERY UNION,THERE IS ALWAYS AN ENEMY OF PROGRESS
To Be Continued

>>

Safe cracker [Read it]


The local bank near a large prison had a problem opening their safe one day. Seems that the mechanisms working the combination failed, so they called the prison to seek help.
The prison had a convicted safe cracker in custody. They released him under guard and took him to the bank to see if he could open their safe.
The convict worked on the lock for quite a while but finally he was able to open the safe.
The bank president was delighted to see his safe opened without having to have it ruined in the process, he turned to the safe cracker and said, “Thanks for helping us out here, how much do we owe you?”
The safe cracker replied, “Well the last time I did one of these jobs I got about $100,000!”Related

ANGELS.EPISODE 5


After my first mission.I became a stronger angel.my ranking increased.my wing and sword were bigger than before.but I wanted more.i wanted to be an ARCHANGEL.I wanted to be one of the big angels that fight wars not only for man but for GOD.I wanted more and it was not going to be an easy task for me to accomplish at all.I was still sent on normal occasions to fight beast and to lock up demons.there was a mission I went to with 5 angels of my ranking. we were to go face a group of demons. that Were terrorizing a village and were causing death and pain every where in the village.GOD sent us there because their time for liberation has come.
Angel GABRIEL called upon us to tell us what GOD sent us to do.
ANGEL GABRIEL:"YELO,SHAON,TEHI,GURW,TIENER,AME".he called upon us
YELO:yes sir!
SHAON:yes sir!
TEHI:yes sir!
GURW:yes sir!
TIENER:yes sir!
AME:yes sir!
We all answered according to how he called us.
ARCHANGEL GABRIEL:"the LORD has sent six of you to go down to the evil place of the demons of confusing pain suffering and death.the LORD said thou should slay them all.for they have done the unthinkable to the ones he love.SHAON shall be the leader in this battle.now go and let "THE NAME OF THE LORD BE PRAISED".he said
SHAON:"we shall be victorious! And the name of the lord shall be praised!".he said Shouting
We all shouted with him and then flu down to earth to fight the evil demons that caused pain and sorrow
they were located in a dark forest inside a tree not far from the village where they caused pain and sorrow right in the middle of africa.as we flu across the village we saw their handworks everywhere.when we landed in the dark forest inside the tree where they were.we saw them......(AME talking)this demons did not look like other ones I have seen.they took the sharp of the tree they were in.their eyes was where their ear ought to be.their mouth was underneath their jaw.they had double horns where their eyes were suppose to be.they were called the sixfiten.they all couldn't change sharp except one of them ........one was sitting as the king while other were sitting on a smaller chair.they were up to sixteen of them.they were busy manipulating people from where they were.they were with an object like a mirror. And they were using a native doctor to do there evil works in the physical world.they all were laughing and smiling because they did what gave them joy and happiness.
SHAON:"thy end has come thou demons of wickedness".he said pointing his sword towards them.
They all turned and looked back to see who was talking.
Demon 1:"hahahahahahaha SHAON angel of war,what have thou come to find in our world".it said looking at us
TIENER:"we are not here to talk to thou".she said as we all drew our swords out to battle with the demons of evils.
(AME talking)"we were face to face with demons not beast or creature made by demons.and this demons were as powerful as us.so wing power was not an upper hand in this case.the only way for us to defeat them was to take them sword to sword...............
Demon 5:what make you think you can defeat us?.it asked with it eyes all moving from side to side in disorderliness
TEHI:we are the angels of THE MOST HIGH GOD and thou shall be defeated in the name of THE LORD MOST HIGH
Demons:"hahahahahahahaha.we can't be defeated.we are the sixfiten!!"They said simultaneously standing up and setting for battle.
They started coming for us.we knew it was time to battle fallen angels.we kneelt down and prayed to GOD to strengthen us.we opened our eyes and screened
"MAY THE NAME OF THE MOST HIGH GOD BE PRAISED"
We all both ran towards each other clashing each other and the battle began.
SHAON gave demon 9 a head-butt making it fall back while he used his sword to cut off the hand and head of demon 15 then he faced demon 3 and 9 which was getting up on its feet........to be continue.....THANK YOU FOR READING THIS STORY.........story by DINDY.....WhatsApp number:07087750433....facebook namessy nnamdi
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