Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:

READ AGAIN [Read it]


This Dog is Dog what Dog you Dog use
Dog to Dog keep Dog an Dog idiot Dog
busy Dog for Dog 20 Dog seconds Dog. Read again without the word "Dog".
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-18 21:14:46

273 Views



wise teacher [Read it]


Teacher: When you yawn, your supposed to put your hand to your mouth!
Pupil: What ?, and get bitten!Teacher: You aren't paying attention to me. Are you having trouble hearing?
Pupil: No, teacher I'm having trouble listening!Why were you late?
Sorry, teacher, I overslept.
You mean you need to sleep at home too!Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning.
Class: Hooray
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon!Teacher: That's quite a cough you have there, what are you taking for it?
Pupil: I don't know teacher. What will you give me?Son: I can't go to school today.
Father: Why not?
Son: I don't feel well
Teacher: Where don't you feel well?
Son: In school!Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't you?
Pupil: Not very much!Father: I hear you skipped school to play football
Son: No I didn't, and I have the fish to prove it!Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this?
Pupil: This is my father speaking!Father: How do you like going to school?
Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I'm not too keen on the time in-between!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-07 12:30:23

404 Views




I was taken to Area F just beside Ayinke House there but later transferred to Criminal Investigation department, Panti the following day. My parent visited me and i had private audience with them
Mum: Oko mi, please tell me the truth…what exactly happened and how did it happened?
Me: Am not a killer mummy, you know your son mummy, i can’t even kill a rat
Dad: We know you are not a killer, it might have happened by mistake, did you guys had any argument?
Me: argument ke? If not for the dinner she was preparing, she wanted to follow me to the saloon, i came back and met her on the bed
Dad: uhmmmmm…..this is serious, the police are still carrying out their preliminary investigation sha, we have been advised to get a good lawyer for you which we are going to do because i don’t think going to plead with Biola’s father is an option and i don’t know if they will be able to grant you bail
Me: Please do all within your best daddy….please don’t let them take me to court, am innocent, i don’t know anything about this, i didn’t kill Biola
Mum: Don’t worry my son, we will continue to pray for you and pray God intervened in this issue
Dad: And my mind doesn’t fail me, i never wanted to support the marriage in the first place, my mind was not in total support of it, as if i knew another trouble is looming
Mum: we shouldn’t be talking about that again now daddy, the next thing now should be the solution to this issue
Dad: God will see us through…..
They left my place that afternoon, our family lawyer came to visit me at the station, asked series of questions to ascertain my involvement which i explained all i knew to him but the question that comes to mind was who killed biola? For what motive? Did she commit suicide? Why will she commit suicide?..so many questions asking for answers but there was none
I was taken to court after like a week at the cell, the presiding judge remanded me at Kirikiri because of the nature of my offence. It was almost a month have been at the prison, my lawyer and parent used to come and visit me at the cell, it was during one of the visit from my mum and lawyer that we had a lengthy discussion
Lawyer: This case is seriously a dicey one and we need to be praying for God intervention…
Me: what happened?
Lawyer: What did you do immediately when you saw your wife on bed?
Me: I removed the knife from her stomach, covered the place with cloth so that blood won’t be rushing out
Lawyer: (cuts in)…That exactly was the mistake that you did because your finger print was the one they found on the knife and part of her own too which to my observation shows that maybe you guys were struggling with each with the knife and the mistake happened, have explained to your parent that you need to tell us the truth if there is anything you are hiding from us
Me:Am not hiding anything…All what have said is the truth, i didn’t kill her
Lawyerid you guys have any secret or involve in any deal that involves third party? Do you know if she was dealing with anybody that might have been a threat to her life
Me: None that am aware of, Biola that i know doesn’t like trouble, she prefer to let go of anything that might want to cause trouble for her or anybody close to her
Lawyer: So, if you are not the one, who now killed Biola and for what reason?
Mum: We don’t know ooo..I pray God intervene in this matter
Me: What is Biola parent saying?
Dad: uhmmm, those ones, they said you must also die since you killed their daughter
Mum: her father was even the worst, we have done everything for them to drop the case but they are adamant that the law must take it cause
Dad: Biola’s Dad said, as if he knew something bad will happened that was why he never wanted to give you her daughters hand in marriage but his wife forced his hand into the marriage
Mum: He is seriously blaming the Mum, i learnt they had to involve their families before they could settle the feud Biola’s death created
Lawyer: we just have to prepare our case very well, you need to maintain when the trial start that you were naive that was why you touch the knife, we have gotten across to the barber you went to his saloon to come and testify for you since that was where you were when the incident happened..he also identified someone that was at the saloon together with you that night and for now, they are still ready to come to court…..We just have to start preparing our defence
Mum: How are you coping here my Son?
Me: There is nothing like freedom, am tired of this place oooo
My parent left kirikiri and i was taken back to my cell, not later than a month after, my parent came and told me that trial date has been fixed.
Trial commenced and just as like my lawyer instructed, i maintained my innocence that i was not the one that killed my wife, we had no quarrel and there was no reason for me to kill her, my lawyer called the judge attention to the fact that i just came in from kidnappers then and according to police report of the incident, i was suppose to be killed by the kidnappers and after which they will kill my wife.



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Hmm [Read it]


I want to suck you...lick you...wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep,that's how i eat an ice cream!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-10 21:26:23

310 Views




Akpos walks in on his
mother in the bathtub. He
asks his mother what is the
big fuzzy patch below her
bellybutton. She replies, "A
bush." The next day Akpos walks in on his father
while he's in the shower. He
asks, "What is that big long
thing hanging between your
legs?" His father replies, "It
is a snake." A few days
later, Akpos walks in
on his mother, once again in
the bathtub. He asks, "What
are those two baggy things
hanging above your
bellybutton?" She replies,
"Headlights." A couple weeks
go by and the little boy walks
in on his parents having
sex. He yells, "Mom, turn on
your headlights! The snake
is crawling into your bush!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-12 18:54:18

383 Views




I have a disease. It’s called awesomeness. But don’t worry it’s not contagious!Related

true [Read it]


a mad man came to the street of lagos and looked around seeing the number of churches been instituted on daily bases and shouted fashola you must put an end to this madness or one day each family will have their own church




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-02 07:46:51

228 Views





Ele Narrates

I stood there transfixed, confused, devastated and frustrated as our assailants gave a series of wicked laughter. Queency and my friends with me were already shivering, most notably Aarti who was shivering like someone who has just been rescued from a valley of ice after days. I held Queency hands tight as we saw ladies crying for their babies who were going to be used for ritual purposes,and it confirmed the rumours I’ve been hearing about how ritualist slept with virgin girls and used the baby that resulted from the inter course for rituals.

“Welcome to the most sacred place in the lion’s den of Congo” said a man proudly as I held Queency’s hand reassuring her that all will be alright, but deep down inside me, I was already asking God to forgive our sins and mercifully accept our souls when we would be eventually killed in the next few minutes.

“Now move!”, our assailants ordered as they led us from a different way from where we came from.

We were led to a place where we saw a plethora of shoes. The owner of those shoes probably never came out again. We were ordered to remove our shoes and were pushed inside to what seems to be like a shrine. Blood was everywhere; in fact the atmosphere was so bloody.

One of the kids Tolu fainted as she couldn’t bear then grossness of the scene. I for one felt like vomiting but I had to stay strong for Queency in our last moments on earth. If there’s one iota of positive I could take from this situation, that’s the fact that I can die alongside the love of my heart Queency.

As we all got inside, we came face to face with a man who was like a macho man. He was about six feet tall with a huge frame. He grinned wildly as if he had gotten a lottery. If fear could kill instantly, we would all be gone by then. He was the scariest thing I had ever seen since a Yoruba movie ‘AJE META’. I looked around and saw humans part being cut of as if they were Salah ram. On another section, I saw a man pounding two new born babies in a mortal as their mothers struggled and cried in vain. Queency couldn’t cope with the scene and covered her face on my chest crying profusely.

This scenario confirmed the stories we have heard of kidnappers sleeping with virgin girls, pregnant them, and then wait till they give birth where there in the Den of Congo”, the macho man started feeling high, “we call this place the holies of holies”, he proudly declared, “and I must confess, you guys are the most lucky individuals in the world right now because it’s a rare privilege to be specially chosen to be here”, he concluded mockingly.

As soon as he finished, one of the men carried Tolu who was still unconscious on the floor to macho man who I wasn’t aware was holding a cutlass until now. In one swift move, Tolu head was severed as we all watched in unmatched fear.

Khadija narrates


Dija listening to music…..

Agege where we dey when I met her,
eh, I was walking down the street when I saw her,
excuse me girl can I know yah,
and she tell me say her name is Aisha
am sorry if I sound so nasty
but I just cant hold my motion
because she is only looking like an angel
like a man will ever see and your sister
so girl, we be chatting, we be flexing
we be winning, we be dinning
suddenly she come from away
cunny cunny love she dey do me so
you promise osu I come meet you for laasun
girl you know why o, why you dey do me like this o
I don die o……



I had been listening to music since the journey started and I was currently listening to Klever Jay’s Koni Koni love one of my favorite music which is also Ele’s favorite Nigeria’s music. For the first time in my life, I was filled with great fear. I was also angry with myself because I singlehandedly push the man I love to danger.

First, I was the one who persuaded him against his will to come, and then my father paid the human part merchants to use him for their devilish purpose because according to him, Ele had bewitched me and stopped me from getting married to a son of a top government official. I vowed to myself to make my father pay for his misdeeds and I just hoped Ele was alive or I would kill my dad and kill myself.

“Kill who? Kill yourself?”, the occupants of the helicopter we were flying chorused simultaneously with all eyes on me .

“haha, no o, I was just singing out a song o”, I managed to say, putting on a forced confused smile with the headphone on my ears helping me confirm my assertion as they all sighed in relief or so I thought.

In truth I had been comforting myself with love songs, but I had gotten to engross with my grievous thoughts towards my dad that I forgot my mission and was in the midst of people. Others might have accepted but one person who wouldn’t let this slide is Ledan.

“Auto, speed up please, every minute is important” Ledan urged.

“Think about the devil”, I thought.

Lia narrates

For the second time today, I had defecated on my body. The sights of what was happening were too gross and bizarre to behold. Only my Ele boje and Aarti remained, the rest of the kids were butchered in the most inhuman fashion. I cursed the day my father met my mother, I cursed the day my mother gave birth to me. If this is how I was going to die, I should never have been conceived at all, I thought crying profusely.

It was Aarti’s turn to be butchered. Aarti was taken to the butchering table where macho man eyed Aarti seductively. When Aarti got to macho’s place, she gave him a deadly look. Macho man pushed Aarti down and tore her gown into two.

“Boys! All work and no fun makes you an archaic man, let’s have a little fun with the sexy one”, macho man declared as the boys smiled wickedly.

“1 Corinthians 6:19, my body is the temple of God and not my own”. Aarti quoted a scripture making macho man and his boys stop what they were about doing as they burst into a series of hilarious laughter.

“God? Who is he? Does He exist? Where was God when my entire family died in an accident after thirty days fasting and prayers? Where was God when I was suffering as a first class graduate without job for seven years? What has God been looking at allowing bad people to live and Good people to die? What was God looking at when Adolf Hitler was killing 6 million Jews? Where was God when I killed so many people to become what I am today? Where was God when I was killing your friends like animals recently? So you see my dear, God does not exist. God is an illusion that has no future. If there is anything like God, I am god, because I have the power to give and take life like ill take yours now”, macho man blurted out.

“There is God, and you’re not Him!”, Aarti screamed sounding irritated by macho’s man utterance.

“Shut your trap! I am the demons of demons, devils of devils, I am bright of morning star, I am god!!!”, macho mad screamed out in a thunderous voice as he took his cutlass to behead Aarti.

Macho man visibly angered and seemingly possessed raised is cutlass up to behead Aarti as I screamed with Aarti shaking and tightly closed eyes, then thunder struck!


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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ebola tinxx [Read it]


A monkey goes to see a Lion and insults him;
"U're stupid, you fool, coward! Catch me if u can."
But the Lion didn't say anything ......
And the Monkey added:
"Idiot, jerk, cat !"
Then the Lion replied,
"Do you think I am not aware that u have Ebola? Please go and die
elsewhere!!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-20 00:36:09

367 Views




If boys are not careful, they would date
the same girl twice. They would be
like... BOY: You look familiar. GIRL: Yes you dated me in 2012... I was
dark then.
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-05 22:43:50

422 Views




Me:c guy free dat babe ooo, b4 u wil die a premature death
Maxz:c guy i realy love da gal, an i cant leav her
Mek na...o y o
Dis my guy maxwell hav been toastin,pursuin an chasin dis sandra of a gal bt she ws provin sturbon, daz her own hard 2 get eehn....infact i pitied 4 d first guy dat dated her..... that is if ther ws any.... dis afternoon me nd my guy is relaxin @ 1 of d bar in d campus he jst received d higest insult of his life

Earlier dat day
Max saw sandra wlkin towards us with 4 of her friends,d guy jst tld me 2 relax smwher...infact d guy no even say mk i relax...d guy said abeg find smwher 2 hide...me? Hide!!!..no wori na mk i go hide..beside he ws a handsome guy, all d galz dey feel am 4 dat skul except strong head sandra
Max:hy ladies
All d ladies except sandra:hy max
Max:pls can i have a word wit u...one of d galz began 2 com 4ward
Max:no nt u.... pointin @ sandra...i can c d disappointment writin all over her face...cha! Max d fine boi
Sandra came 4ward murmurin sm audible wrds
Maxk ladies wat we ar abt 2 discuss is private so u can be goin she will join u later.
Ladiesk dear, pls tk car of her oooo.....egbe! Tk care ni tke care ko
Max:sandra y ar u avoidin me?
Sandra:nd wu ar u to ask me such a question, ar u my lord
Max:wit cul voice....pls accept me i promise 2 nva break ur heart
Sandra:lol...break my heart? Can u? Is it wen i gv it to u dat u will breake can u break smtin dat is nt in ur possession...putin her face close 2 max
Max:kneelin dwn grabin her hand @ d same...sandra pls js gv me a chance...scene jst b lyk all dis soap opera movies pple are jst passin watchin dem
Gboaoaoaoaooaoaoaoaoaoaoaooaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaooaaoo!!!...jesu! Dis gal dn tear my guy slap oooooo!!!...infact d slap ehn i no dey close bt i feel am,e sure me say my guy stil dey hear wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...4 em ear.
Sandra:hw dere u touch me
Max:******* d guy jst dey luk lyk moron
She turned nd leave my guy he ws stil kneelin dwn while sandra ws wlkin away...if u c my guy dat tym ehn...u go ask am bros wic senior say mk u kneel down 4 university na...i came out 4rm my hidin place, i wnted 2 console him...bt i didnt knw wen i burst out lafin @ him,inshort any bodi wu see me on d road,wil tink dat i am a premature mad man...
Sandra na fine gal sha infact no nid 2 describe her...wen u c dat ghanian acteress ibrahim juliet, u hav seen sandra oooo.
Daz hw we c ourself @ d bar,i ws stil lafin @ him wen he gt 2 d 5th bottle of beer...hmmm i cm say no b4 dis guy go die 4 here
Me:abobi mk we bounce joor
Max:no i still wnt 2 drink...
I drag him up nd pay d barman...wen we gt home he jst fell on d bed nd slept off
D nxt morrning around 8:am we heard a knock @ d door
Me:wu z dat
Unknown person:is me
Me:nd wu ar u...she responded sandra...shio! Sandra! Z lyk she came 2 finish her mission oooo..bt d way she ws soundin md me doubt my thought
I opened d door 4 her she entered nd saw my guy snorin lyk a pig...c error ah 4 wake dis bobo oooo..
Sandra:he drunk yesterday right?...i did as if i did nt hear her
Sandra: i saw u guyz wen u were comin bck
Me:and then shei ur plan hs wrk na.....yea we wnt 2 reduce stress
Sandrazk, standin up wen he wake tel him dat i will come bck later
Mek na
She left,immediately i woke my guy up
Me:guy guess wat?
Max:wat
Me:sandra checked on u
Max:4 ur dream
Me:4 real life guy
Max:na lie
Me:dnt wory she said dat she will be bck later,all i wnt u 2 do is 2 gv me money 4 air freshner,fuel nd detergent
Maxz:u 4 say mk i gv u money 4 aeroplane na
Me:vexin mode activated.....c person wey i dey help
Maxk, u knw say u b my guy na,oya take...givin me d sm of 2000#..i dashed off

Evenin tym
Sandra ws cookin insyd kitchen,we,nedu nd mike are playin video game on his laptop

Memo dis ur babe go sabi cook oooo...c aroma
Max:na God ooo
Mike:cha! Omo u gt eye ooo
Nedu:u knw knw b4
Food is ready!!! Sandra bringin us bck frm our discussion...cha! Omo c egusi soup ooooh,she brought our own share, bt my guy max said dat he ws nt hungry...we startd eatin,first, i rolled my size nd trow it insyd d delicious soup, i swallowed it tasted smhw,i thought mayb bkus is my first one, den second 1...chisos!!! Pepperish, salty,maggirish, she jst over did everytin...bt wu ar we 2 tlk na, bkux we dnt wnt d babe 2 feel bad,infact we almost finished a bag of sachet water
sandra:is lyk u guyz like water
We chorused:we love water dear, water is d bst tin d has ever appened 2 mankind nd it is d pain reliever in d tym of trouble!!!
Sandra:wow
We managed 2 finish half of d food, dat ws wen she brought my guyz own,i wnder ooo, u sure say dis gal no come 2 cm punish us, she no dey taste her own food.
My guy ws jst grinin, bt me, nedu nd mike instead us focusin on d game we ar play, we were jst lukin @ him waitin 4 his action....d guy jst put d eba insyd his mouth 4 d first tym his face changed
Sandra:honey is anytin d matter
Max:no no no...i am jst marveled d u can cook such a delicous meal
Sandra:tanks dearie
I nearly laughed if nt 4 d help of d game dat ws distractin me,d guy manged 2 finish his d first question he ask us ws.
Max:i hope u guyz enjoyed d food
We choruse:yes na vry delicious
C ole buruku ooo e wn hear am frm our mouth!!! Sandra decided nt 2 go dat evenin nd spend d nite wit max.

Early d following morning
Food is ready!!!...sandra came knokin @ nedu nd mike rum
We chorused:again!!!
Dat morning my mother has 2 call me 4 a meetin wit all d elders in our village failin 2 come...
As 4 nedu he mst have a class dat morning or else he will carry over and as 4 mike he hav 2 receive a call frm his uncle in town 2 come nd collect d skul fees he has already paid since abraham ws born....wen will were leavin, i ws looking @ my guy max wit sympathy...d guy face b lyk so una dey leave here 4 her 2 poison me! !!
The end


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-07-23 11:40:44

561 Views




A woman decided to make her face up for her birthday. She spent N15000 and felt really good about the results. On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35,"he replied. "I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy. After that she went into Shoprite for lunch and asked the order taker the same question. He replied, "Oh, you look about 29." "I am actually 47!" she said, feeling really really good. While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man Akpos the same question. He replied, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age." There was no one around, so the woman said, "What the hell?" and let him slip his hand up her skirt. After feeling around for a while, Akpos said, "OK, You are 47." Stunned, the woman said, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?" The old man replied, "I was behind you in line at Shoprite ."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-16 07:08:52

5935 Views




The night was dark, the moon was high;

I stopped my car, you wondered why?

I learnt so close, you felt shy.

I uttered those three words…

.

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I… La… puncture!Related

Teenage Love. [Read it]


**PART ONE**
CHAPTER 1…….
It was a bright saturday morning
on the 7th of september 2013.
Akinola oluwasegun was walking
along a popular street in Ibadan,
Oyo state. He was dressed in a
white T-shirt and a black pant
trouser and a black vickers shoe.
He was on his way to Loyola
College, a government owned
secondary school around Agodi
gate GRA Ibadan for his WAEC GCE
exam.
He entered into the school
compound and walked towards
the school building. Being his
first paper English Language, he
had no idea of where the
examination hall was situated.
So, he had to ask for help from
other candidates who had come
the previous days for chemistry
practicals and Commerce. He
walked up to a girl seated on the
staircase reading to ask for the
help.
“Hello, good morning.” he
greeted.
“Good morning.” she replied.
“Please, are you here for exam?”
he asked.
“Yeah.” she replied.
“Okay. Please, which way is the
examination hall.” He asked.
“I don’t know. This is my first
time here.” She answered.
(disappointed) “Okay, lets ask
others the way to the exam hall.”
He adviced.
“Okay.” She replied standing up
and dusting her skirt.
*TEN MINUTES LATER*
The invigillator walked into the
exam hall carrying a green sack
with the inscription; WEST
AFRICAN EXAMINATION COUNCIL.
No 62. He was accompanied by
five teachers of the school.
A laptop was removed and with
a thumb printing device attached
to it.
“Line up for your biometrics.”
one of the teachers barked.
After the completion of the
biometrics. The candidates were
asked to sit down according to
their numbers. The answer
booklets and the question
papers were first distributed
before the attendance was
marked. The paper lasted two
and a half hours. The paper
ended by 11:30am and they
were given 3hours break before
the commencement of the paper
2&3(objectives & the Test of
Orals respectively).
Outside the examination hall,
students were seen in group,
some in fours, in fives and so on
discussing and arguing over the
just concluded paper.
Oluwasegun(segun for short)
wast sitting alone under a big
three near the school football
pitch. He was flipping through
the pages of the WAEC English
language past question. Just then
someone tapped him from
behind. He looked up and saw
his cousin Omolayo Akinola.
He stood up and hugged her.
“What are you doing here?” he
asked.
“I came to greet my friends
writing their exam here. She
answered.
“Where is your centre?”
“Ikolaba grammar school.”she
replied.
“Most of my friends are in that
centre.”he said.
“Are you the only one here?” she
asked.
“Yes, am the only one here from
my school.”he answered.
“You must be feeling lonely
o.”she said.
“Yeah”………
The gisted for like ten minutes
before Omolayo stood up to go,
“Let me introduce you to my
friends over there.” she said
pointing to a group of 2 boys
and 4 girls gisting.
He stood up and followed her
towards the group. Immediately
they saw them approach they
stopped talking.
“Where have you been? One of
her friends jummy asked
Omolayo suspiciously.
Ignoring her question. “Meet my
cousin, Segun. Segun meet my
friends.” she introduced.
“Hi guys.” he greeted.
“Hi.” They chorused.
They all hung around till it was
1:30pm, 30minutes before the
next paper.
“Bro, i think we should get going
so, we won’t be late.” Omolayo
said.
“Alright, bye. Segun answered.
Omolayo left with four of her
friends remaining two who were
also in segun’s centre. Among
which was Jummy.
–to be continued–


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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fun time [Read it]


Hy palz fun tym, pls put dis sentense in a simple
n correct english # water don pass garri# d ogbono soup dey draw #let go
there!don't spoil d fun


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-12 15:23:47

420 Views



EASTER PLANS [Read it]


GIRLFRIEND: Honey, what are your plans
for this Easter? BOYFRIEND: Same as Jesus... I will
Disappear on Friday and reappear on
Monday!
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-21 23:35:26

223 Views




I went to church and na so pastor just dey
ginger..touch ur neighbour's hand and say U
are my angel....touch ur neighbour's leg and say U mean the world to me...touch ur neighbour
waist and say U are blessed, Now the problem
be say one fine gal sit near me,,,i just dey happily touch touch her,,,next tin pastor shout na......touch ur chest and say bless me Lord,,,,i think say pastor say touch ur neighbour's chest, na so i carry two hand hold the gal two breast. ,,the slap wey dem combine give me still dey ring for my ear.

Please I want you guys to
pray for my quick recovery"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-03 19:31:27

425 Views




Akpors ANSWERS D POLICE QUESTIONS..
POLICE: where do u live
AKPORS: with my parents..
POLICE: where do ur parents live
AKPORS: with me.
POLICE: where do u all live
AKPORS: together..
POLICE: Where is ur house
AKPORS: next to my neighbors house..
POLICE: where is ur neighbors house
AKPORS: if i tell u, u won't blieve me!
POLICE: Tell me!!
AKPORS: next to my house...
One word for Akpors


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-29 02:44:27

269 Views




BOY: May I hold your hand?
GIRL: No thanks! It's not heavy.


GIRL: When we are engaged, will you give me a ring?
BOY: Sure! What is your number?


BOY: I love you so much I could die for you.
GIRL: How soon?


BOY: You remind me of the sea.
GIRL: Is it because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
BOY: No! Because you make me sick!


GIRL: Are you sure you love me and no one else?
BOY: Dead sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.


GIRL: I want to dance like this forever!
BOY: Don't you ever want to improve?! 


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-16 07:28:34

312 Views



ANOTHER YAWA [Read it]


A pastor was invited to a church program in kaduna state, wen he got there.. Though, he wanted 2 preach about Boko Haram but he quickly put it indirectly [cos d fear of boko haram is the begining of wisdom] so he went dis way. The title of my topic today is "YOU WILL NEVER GO THE SAME WAY U CAME".
He continued preaching And at the same time also taking time to suspect any poly bag he sees. Some minutes later as d preaching was going on what we had was [DUAAAAAH] from outside, in a blink of an eye, everybody vanished including d pastor that ran trough the window. . . .
Some minutes later after d whole members has gathered, then the pastor was no were to be found, they quickly call him on phone.
Member : Hello pastor were are you?
Pastor : Am in ORE.
Member : [surprisingly] ah ahhhhh pastooor. Please come back its not a bomb it a motor tyre that burst outside.
Pastor : I knw thats why am in ORE if it was a bomb i would have been at ASABA.
Member : but pastor u left through the window, and anyone who pass through d window is a thief..
Pastor : Wat was my topic today?
Member... U WILL NEVER GO THE SAME WAY U CAME.
Pastors : So i came through the door and i left through d window..


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-03 19:48:33

330 Views



Angels on Guard [Read it]


A man was driving his taxi from Port- Harcourt to Lagos. He had a sticker in the car that says, ''He will give his angels charge over me.''


By the time he got to Warri, he was doing 135km/h. The passengers cautioned him, but he simply responded by saying, ''Don't you see the sign? The angels are on guard.'' 


He approached Benin on a speed of 185km/h. By this time the passengers got very nervous and decided to get down. Everybody except the driver disembarked and he decided to continue the journey to Lagos alone. 


''Mumu faithless people, they don't believe that angels are on guard, despite my sticker.'' he said, as he drove on.


Nearing Ore, he was comfortably cruising at 215km/h, when he heard people in his car shouting, ''Abeg Oga! Drop us o! We are not going again!''


Puzzled, he looked around, ''Sebi I dropped all my passengers in Benin. So who are the people talking?''


''Oga! Drop us o! We are the angels who are on guard. This is now a suicide mission! We are not guarding again ooo!!!'


The driver stopped the car midway, and took to his heels.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-29 22:12:54

186 Views




A new science teacher walks into the classroom.

Akpos asks the new teacher "Excuse ma, if you mix Omo and Klin, will there be foam?"

Teacher responds "Yes of course, why ask such a silly question at the beginning of the year, are you going to pass this class at all?"

Akpos laughs and whispers to the other kids, "such a dumb teacher, how can you get foam without adding water, are we going to learn anything at all from this teacher?"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-13 10:19:45

706 Views




Akpors was having fun at a club one day while searching for a new catch
when he suddenly spotted this beautiful girl sitting down and minding
her own business.

Ahhh, Akpors thought to himself, I think I just found my future
girlfriend. However, he notice that she was seated next to her ugly
friend and he knew that friend could get in the way of his ‘toasting’ so
he quickly thought of a plan and walked straight to where the girls
were seated.

When he got to the table, he turned to the ugly girl;

Akpors: Hello!

Ugly friend: (Forming) Hiiiii.

Akpors: Do you want to dance?

Ugly friend: (Excited) Oh yea, sure!

Akpors: Okay, very good, please go and dance with somebody because I want to talk to your friend!!!!

One word for Akpors this time?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-14 22:25:51

413 Views




Akpos who is journalist was standing
by the roadside.
Suddenly, he heard a car
screech and saw a huge
crowd gather at the other
end of the road.
He got to the scene of the
accident 5 minutes later
and saw a mammoth
crowd in an apparent
circle. "The person down
there must have been hit
by a car." He thought to
himself.
Akpos decides to investigate
further and tries to force
his way through the
crowd but was
unsuccessful. His
journalistic skills kicked
into gear and he shouted,
"PLEASE! MAKE WAY! I
AM THE SON OF THE
VICTIM."
The crowd suddenly
made way. He got to the
centre of the crowd's
attention and found out
that the "victim" lying on
the ground was a DOG.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-12 06:20:34

1737 Views




If you could choose one characteristic that would get you through life, choose a sense of humor.Related

Don’t look for friends who will solve all your problems. Look for someone who won’t let you face them alone.

Thanks for being one!Related

RAPE EPISODE 8 (STORY BY DINDY)

Please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this story...

After three years life become cool and ok for me but on the 18 of june my loving dear sweet wonderful amazing great awesome irreplaceable heart diamond (cries) DAD --crying-- left me (cries). My life wasn't the same after he left me. I and blessing were sick for weeks.
I couldn't concentrate on anything, my mind was not where it ought to be, I was like an insane person and my world couldn't understand what life was. My life was like a buried history, I was upside down.
I began to wonder within myself "how will i keep on living life without him by my side, without him there telling me about life", oh my life felt like hell, it was a leaving nightmare, I could only understand one thing and one thing only and that was that "I lost my dad" every other thing was like nothing to me.
The doctors said he dead of a heart disease but I wonder what could have caused the heart disease (i think maybe it might be a spiritual thing).
We buried my dad on the 27 of july; that day was a torment for me because I saw as my dad being put into the ground which made my mind and soul lost, tears filled my heart and eyes --I couldn't believe what was happening--. (at that moment I became mad with tears with my deepest fear right in front of me.)
Everyone came except my mum's new husband (my step dad; I don't even like him), my mum said he travelled so he couldn't make it --I didn't even care whether he came or not, all I cared was about my lovely dad--.
After 3 months of mourning my dear lovely dad; Ruth, Blessing, and I went to stay with my mum (in her house) --I didn't like the fact that we were going to live with my mum because of the man she married--, it never felt like home at all.
As time went on I was getting use to the people in that area, Ruth had got into a university, so she was not always around to sell us as usual, my mum was always going to her shop doing her busy as usual and my step dad was always travelling up and down.
Life was very boring for me (no one had I and Blessing's time again), we were left alone but the good thing was that we still had our friends in school who regularly pays us visit from time to time.
There came a day like that; It was a nice lovely saturday morning when we (I, Blessing, Ruth, my mum and step dad) were all at home, Ruth was on holiday, and my mum didn't want to-go-to her shop that day because she planned going to the market to buy more things for her shop, my step dad was given a day off by his boss.
Around 9am my mum told Ruth to take Blessing to a saloon to plate her hair, Ruth did as she was told, few hours later the time came for my mum to-go-to the market, so she quickly prepared launch for my step dad and i before she left, leaving only me and my step dad at home.
I was in the parlour watching cartoon on tv when my step dad came to the parlour, he started looking at me with the eyes of a man in lust, I just ignored him (I continued with my cartoon watching), he came and sat very close to me.
I quickly knew that something was up so I adjusted myself but he kept coming closer and closer to me, I was about to run when --Crying--.
He caught me I pushed me to the ground, I couldn't over power him because he was more stronger than me, I tried all my best but nothing that I did could set me free instead it kept me under his hold more and more.
I screamed and he held my mouth with his left hand, then he used his right hand to hold my two hands above my head, I tried kicking him but it was no use because he was stronger than me (he could hardly feel it), I was totally pinned down with no where to-go.
I screamed for someone to hear me but no one could hear me, i cried for a saviour but no one could save me, i cried so much for a helper but no one could help me --Crying--.
He was about to remove his belt with is right hand when I used the chance to bite him on his hand which held my mouth, I bit him so hard that he left me (but he didn't bleed, lucky him), I pushed myself out of his hold and ran, I was close to the door when he --Crying-- to be continued......
STORY BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI
contact me on
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Email: [email protected]
or
Email: [email protected] Facebook: Ossy andy Nnamdi
Skype: 07087750433
or
Skype: [email protected]
Twitter: @nnamdiossy
INSTAGRAM: @ossynnamdi

>>

If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.

-Frank A. ClarkRelated

Egyptian [Read it]


I was in church yesterday when the Pastor said:
"It's time to say hello to your neighbours, shake
hands, get to know one another and tell them
you love them."
I said hello to the person sitting to my left and
to the one sitting to my right. We introduced
ourselves to each other and both said they were
Egyptians.
Preaching time came and the Pastor decided to
preach from Exodus 14:13. Telling us about how
God saved the Israelites from Egyptians.
I was thinking to myself: "How do these two
Egyptians feel knowing that their people are the
bad guys in this bible verse."
Suddenly, the Pastor shouted: "The Egyptians
made the people of God to suffer for years! I
said they made them suffer! Turn to your left
and to your right! And tell your neighbour; the
Egyptians you see today, YOU SHALL SEE NO
MORE!"
If you were in my position, what will you do?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-27 14:24:26

570 Views




Smart people learn from their mistakes. But the real sharp ones learn from the mistakes of others.

~ Brandon MullRelated

Practice makes man prefect,

Then what about Women????

Any guesses????

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. .

.

Ummmm She is born perfect .

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.

Moral: Moral voral kuch nahi,

Bas unko Accha

lage…. Isi liye Status daal diya….Related

relationship [Read it]


If you think your relationship is real, exchange
your phone for one day..... without any
passwords....and I challenge you that 99% of
people will become single the next day?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-17 22:37:33

353 Views



NOTICE [Read it]


thank u for noticing this notice, your notice will be reported to the authority, and for noticing this notice you have just won for yourself a plastic spoon, you can come to my place and collect it.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-13 15:32:51

317 Views




There was a program in which CIA Agents would watch prostitutes through 2 way mirrors having sex!

Operation Midnight Climax consisted of a web of CIA-run safehouses in San Francisco, Marin, and New York. It was established in order to study the effects of LSD on unconsenting individuals.

Prostitutes on the CIA payroll were instructed to lure clients back to the safehouses, where they were surreptitiously plied with a wide range of substances, including LSD, and monitored behind one-way glass. CIA Agents would watch them have sex!Related

The Girl, Who Have Never Liked, Shared Or Commented On

Any Of Your Posts, Also Don’t Reply Your Messages!!

Please, Unfriend Her..Yaakeen Maano Raahat Milegi..

Aur ‘Diwali Ki Safai’ Bhi Ho JaayegiRelated

After like 3 minutes inside d house thinking it was toilet i sat on a big pot remember I come from the village so it does not bother to use WC or potty,my shit was hard and I was making a sound like a sheep sweating like a Christmas chicken,the place was dark only had a little little light coming from the window hole I don't wanna open window down cause I don't want people to see me knot knowing am even shitting in the middle of peoples,as I keep sounding sweating nah so one hand torch me telling hope I bring the money sha cause if I don't am already a dead man hearing this I jump up asking who is there I was so scared that I wanted to shout for help but I don't see my trouser or pant anymore as the mystery guy on the light Gosh I swear it look like say I be father Christmas who come to give a lot of people gifts I started panicking even more telling them am sorry that am new here and I don't know what it is I was speaking in my own village language nd there's one Chinese woman there don't know what am saying is tie me up and beat the hell out of me in China the Chinese woman translate for them and decided to follow the instruction I gave them....to be continued nd see what happen to my fine boy face in part 3....


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Full Bed Bath [Read it]


The nursing student, on her first rotation in the ICU, had to give a patient a full bed bath. She had never given one before and was terribly nervous about it.To make matters worse, the patient was a gentleman in his late sixties who had been admitted after a heart attack. As se nervously set her equipment up, she confessed to the patient that she had never given a full bed bath before.“I’ll tell you what,” he said, “how about if you wash as far down as possible, and as far up as possible, and then I’ll wash possible?”Related

An Aboki man and an Igbo man went to an ATM machine to withdraw money....While the aboki man was withdrawing, the igbo man said, ''aboki u be mumu o!.... I don see ur password, your password na four x (****)''.

The aboki laughed at him and said, ''na u be mumu, my password na 5298 no be four x!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-17 21:40:30

281 Views




Isku advance kaama bolte –

Ek Farm house me kitte ki ghode rehte usme se ek ghoda bimaar ho jata maalik veterinary doctor bulata



doctor:ye ghode ku infection ho gaya, teen din dekhenge agar sahi ho gaya to thik hai naito maar dena padta nai to dusre ghodon ku b infection ho jaata..



ghode ka pakka dost ek bakra rehta une idea se poore baatan sunl eta..abb jaake ghode ku bolta



Bakra:mama tumaku teen din me maar dete bolre yaaro nakko karo aise uth k bhaago.



lekin ghoda nai uthta



do din later..



Bakra:Arey uthjaa re bhai ek ich din bache va hai naito kal baigan me mil jaata



fir b nai uthta ghoda



Maalik aur doctor dono ghode ku maarne k injection’an tayyar karte rehta bakra dekhleta fir ghode kane jaata



Bakra:Ab to injection b ready hai teku maarne ka uth jaa..



Abb ghoda b kiraak ho jaata uth k ground me bhaag na shuru kar deta..



Maalik:Ababa! kya bhaagra sahi ho gaya apna ghoda.. yeich khushi me aaj jashan hoinga kidar hai bakra lao katinge..



Moral of the story:zyada hamdardi b jaanleva sabit hosakti hai..:d:pRelated

As my phone rang, I was drowning in an
abyss of fear. I froze like someone who was
being electrocuted from an AC power
source.
“Whose phone is that?” Tolu’s husband
called out, “Did you just get a new phone?”
The ringing stopped before Tolu would
answer. My hairs stood still like a battalion
of army being addressed by a commander.
It was judgment day here, and I wasn’t
expecting any miracle. I could feel the effect
of the adrenaline as it was jetting from my
adrenal glands to all parts of my body. The
throbbing of my heart increased as if my
heart wanted to break loose from my
ribcage. Tolu’s husband could insist on
seeing the phone that rang, and if he isn’t
too daft which I don’t think he is, he will
start searching from the bed. By then, I had
grabbed hold of my phone and removed its
battery.
“Oh, that should be my phone. I got bored
of the old ring tone, so I changed it this
afternoon,” Tolu lied.
“So many new things about you today
dear.”
“Change is the only constant thing in life
dear, let’s go.”
The door closed, and I felt relief spreading
throughout my body. It had been a terrible
day, perhaps the worst in my thirty five
years of existence. It has been two years,
two and half years since I caught my wife
sleeping with our driver on our matrimonial
bed. It really pained me because I was
faithful to her. I wanted to divorce her, but I
didn’t because I would gain nothing. I
would lose all the things I flaunt as wealth
and relocate to Mushin where I came from.
The thing is, my wife is wealthy, while I’m
otherwise. So to punish my wife, adultery
was the key. To me, adultery wasn’t a sin,
because my wife drew the first blood.
The door blew open
Tolu entered and bent under the bed.
“Dare, stay put, I will give my husband
sleeping pills as soon as he is done eating.
He will come and sleep in the room, and we
will turn off the lights. When I am sure he is
fast asleep, I will give you the signal. Stay
calm, I have this all covered,”
“Okay,” I replied.
She stood and was about going when I
called her back.
“Hey, here is the pen,” I said, handling over
the pen I picked up between my toes, “You
don’t want your husband to get
suspicious.”
“He won’t,” she said, collecting the pen
from me.
The door slammed close as she left the
room. The throbbing of my heart reduced,
but it was still faster than normal. I didn’t
really understand what went wrong. I am
sure Tolu can’t also. I saw it in her eyes
when she spoke to me. It had so far being a
bad day for both of us.
She was the one who called me in the
morning that her husband had travelled
and that I could come over for the night.
Luckily, my business partner too, Kelvin,
had travelled and the time we long craved
for was dangling before us. I left the office
in the evening, leaving the job to be done
unfinished. The worse Kelvin could do was
to shout when he returned the following
day. As soon as I knocked at her door, my
horniness reached its zenith. I didn’t give
her a breathing space as I began to kiss
her right from the door. She managed to
say, “Let’s go to the bedroom,” but I kissed
her all the way there as she pointed the
way. I was unclad, and the manliness in me
was up in full power. Then she heard the
damn honk. I felt cold between my groins
as trepidations began to set in.
I must have spent close to an hour under
the bed after Tolu told me of her plan, but
it felt like eternity. The door opened, and
Tolu’s husband entered, accompanied by
Tolu. They climbed unto the bed almost
immediately, and the lights went off.
“Why did you switch off the light,” Tolu
husband asked. I feared he had begun to
suspect something fishy.
“Nothing. I just wanted you to sleep quickly
since you’re tired,”
“Yes, it is true I was tired, but the drugs
you gave me relieved me quickly. It worked
just like the Tylenol pills Mr Ojomo gave
me when he returned from America few
days ago. I kept them inside the sleeping
drug container. Did you get from there?”
“Yes,” Tolu replied. Her voice sounded
surprised.
“Then you must be a mind-reader. I just
transferred the Tylenol pills inside it this
morning, and I didn’t tell you about it.”
“Oh God why is all this happening this
night? If you’re going to save me, please do
it gracefully without these irregular
heartbeats, but it you aren’t really going to
help me which I think is the closest, please
cut me loose now.”
Tolu was quiet.
“I will try and get some sleep. I’ve got a
long day tomorrow,” her husband finally
said.
Relief reigned once more over my heart.
Very soon, Tolu’s husband would be
snoring, and I would gently and quietly
sneak out of the house. About fifteen
minutes past, and I didn’t hear anything
from Tolu. Had she slept and forgotten me?
The lights went on again.
“Why aren’t you sleeping?” Tolu asked her
husband, “I thought you might have slept
not knowing you sat up on bed all these
while. Is everything alright?”
Her husband didn’t reply.
“Your face is all warped up. Are you sure
everything is alright,” Tolu asked again.
“I’m alright.. em.. no… yes.. I’m fine,” he
muttered.
“What are you saying? Speak out,
remember we are a couple, and up, down,
we are together.”
There was silence; a spell of seconds. Then
he spoke.
“I have been given an assignment to kill my
business partner.” He said quietly, “It’s a
hard choice, but I think I’m going to do it.”

>> Part 3 -
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