Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


There are two brothers,named Akpos and Ekene aged four and six. Akpos said "You know, it's about time we
started to swear." Ekene said "OK." Akpos said "From now on I'll say 'hell'
and you say 'ass.'" Ekene said "OK." So they went downstairs and their mother said "What
would you boys like for breakfast?" Akpos said "Oh what the hell, I'll have
corn flakes." WHACK! They both went flying across the room. There mother turns to Ekene and asks
"And what would YOU like for breakfast?" Ekene said "I don't know, but you can
bet your ass it's not corn flakes." #Akpos vs Ekene Season 1 Episode 7 #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-19 18:09:17

650 Views



The Terrorists [Read it]


Two terrorists having a discussion in a bar. The waiter asks them what the discussion was about?

TERRORIST: We are planning to kill 14,000 people and a donkey.

WAITER: Why a donkey?

Then the other terrorist says to the other, "See, I told you nobody will care about the 14,000 people!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-18 20:54:54

708 Views



Home Grown cat [Read it]


A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of the animal one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he arrived home, the cat was walking up the driveway.


The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the
cat! 


He kept taking the cat further and further, and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.


Hours later the man calls home to his wife "Jen, is the cat there?", "Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answered, "Put the little bastard on the phone, I'm lost and need directions."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-04 20:38:24

200 Views



IGBO KWENU [Read it]


A naked lady ran into an Igbo
man's taxi. She told the driver
where she was going. The lgbo
man didn't start the car but he
was just staring at the girl over
... & over again. The LADY saw him and said:
what's ur problem
man?? Haven't u seen a naked
LADY before Igbo man
Replied: l am not looking at ur nakedness, I was just wondering where U kept the money u are going to pay me.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-03 20:03:57

1274 Views




What would you do if a policeman arrests
you and while checking your phone, a text
message comes in saying “Abeg, if you dey
come, buy 1 AK-47 and 4 bullets make we
take dey well before we go out tonight”.
How do you explain to the police that your
friend meant Vodka (AK-47) and 4 energy
drinks (Bullet) ? and to worsen the
situation, your friend’s name is Robert and
you saved it as “ROB-1? on your phone.
HOW DO YOU THINK YOU CAN EXPLAIN
THE SITUATION BEST?



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-11 13:05:26

448 Views



Dettol Advert [Read it]


I'm tired of all these Dettol advertisements. My younger brother who is just 5 years old carries Dettol in his pocket anywhere he goes. He pours Dettol in the toilet before using it. He pours Dettol on the remote control before using it. He even sprinkles Dettol on his friends before playing with them.

Just this mourning when we were having breakfast, he poured Dettol in my Tea.

IF MY BROTHER DOESN'T KILL ME, WHO WILL.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-10 19:48:04

172 Views




Eid-ul-Adha is an Eid of sacrifice;

And commitment of Allah’s orders.

May Allah bless us with the same in all circles of life!

Eid Mubarak!Related

One Wish [Read it]


A Guy having no child, no money, no home, a blind mother, prays to God. God became happy with his prayers, grants him only one wish.

Gujju: Dear God, I have only one wish, I only want my mother to see my wife putting 2 crore worth solitaire bangles on my child's hands in my Mercedes Benz car parked in our new penthouse's compound situated next to the swimming pool at Beverly Hills.

God: Damn it ! I still have a lot to learn from these guy..


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-10-14 11:19:34

649 Views




Girlfriend:Its 2 tight
Boyfriendont worry,i will put
it slowly,
Girlfriendush it in,
Boyfriend:Ah..I cant,
Girlfriend:Its painful,
Boyfriend:Forget it.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
We ll buy A new WEDDING
RING!
Pals,is just a Ring,nothing else.
Only God knows what u are thinking.#B-goF


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-09 06:39:42

1006 Views




Teacher to his Pathan student, “Who is a murderer?”

Pathan: I don’t know.

Teacher: Suppose you murder your parents. What’ll you become?

Pathan: An orphan!Related

we got a one room self-contained within four days, not up
to four streets from Bola's place. I also got a shop in the
market, I started selling provisions and soup ingredients.
Eniola enrolled in a school close to the market, so she could
come to me after closing from school.
Business went on fine, at least we didn't lack anything.
**************
Eniola was trekking back from school with her schoolmates.
They walked in groups,-in three's and in four's.
"Eniola hold my hand lets cross the road." A neighbours
daughter called Tola,told her. She was older than Eniola, I
had begged her to help my baby cross the road always.
"No" Eniola said defiantly.
"C'mon give me your hand." tola said again.
"Nooooo" Eniola said again.
"Eniola, your mummy will beat you o" Tola warned her.
"I am a princess, my mummy won't beat me." Eniola said
laughingly.
"I'l beat you o" Tola was getting worked up.
"Ehn? Me? Don't o! My father is a king!" Eniola was enjoying
the whole game.
"Stubborn geh!" Tola snapped.
"Yes o!" Eniola replied before running into the road.
"Eniola!" Tola tried to hold her but she was far gone.
An on-coming car screeched loudly before coming to a halt,
almost banging into her. She fell down due to fear. It's
occupant ran out.
"Are alright?" David asked picking her up.
"Did you hit me?" she asked
"No, I don't think so, I almost did... Errm, sorry."
"I'm fine" Eniola laughed,
Tola ran to where they are.
"Sorry Eni.." she held Eniola.
"Next time you should hold her hands" David cautioned
Tola.
"She refused" Tola explained.
"I want to learn how to cross the road" Eniola said pouting.
David smiled.
"not now baby !"
"you should go home now." he dipped his hands into his
pocket and produced some naira notes
"here take this" he gave Eniola
"No thanks." she smiled before running off.
"Mummy Eniola, good afternoon" Tola flexed her knees as
they got to my shop.
"Tola, bawo? Hows school today?" I replied hugging them
both.
I placed a flask before them both
"Tola eat before going home." I instructed
"Mummy Eniola, one car hit your pikin today" Tola informed
me gulping down some water.
"Tatafo.ofofo Tola" Eniola giggled.
"Sharrap!" I chided her
"Tell me my dear." I told Tola.
"The driver even dash us money, but we didn't collect." she
said with a mouth full of food
"I wan hold her hand before o, but she refused o" Tola
shrugged
"Eniola? Is that true?" I asked
she giggled softly
"is that a laughing matter?" I glared at her
She bent her head in remorse
"sorry but I was learning how cross the road" her voice was
low.
Stubborn girl! I thought.
Well I'm not suprised, she took well after me. She was a real
Tejumola offspring, I was tempted to laugh but kept a
straight face.
"Never try that again" I said sternly
"Sorry mummy".
"Eat your food" I told her, before rising to attend to a
customer,but to my greatest surprise...




NAIRAJOKES.COM




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London (AFP) - Miss South Africa, 22-year-old Rolene Strauss, was crowned Miss World 2014 at the contest`s glitzy final in London on Sunday, with an estimated billion viewers watching on television around the globe. Miss Hungary, Edina Kulcsar, was judged the runner-up and Miss United States, Elizabeth Safrit, came third in the 64th annual competition, contested by women from 121 countries.












NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-15 11:45:55

226 Views




Shadi se pareshan ek Shayar ne likha hai…

“Maang bharne ki saza ,
kuchh iss kadar paa raha hoon ,

Maang bharne ki saza ,
kuchh iss kadar paa raha hoon ,

Ki Maang Poori karte karte ,
ab maang maang ke kha raha hu ” !Related

Our Bed !!! [Read it]


At a small parish in rural England there lived a priest, and several nuns. One day, one of the older nuns was noticing that the rugs in the church were beginning to fray.
She went to the priest and told him, “Father, I believe your rugs need to be replaced soon.”
The priest thanked her for bringing it to his attention, and told her that he thought that she had been there long enough to refer to church property as ‘our’ not ‘your.’
Several days later, the same nun noticed that the hedge needed to be trimmed.
She again went to the priest and told him, “Father, I’ve noticed that your…I mean our hedge needs to be trimmed.”
The priest thanked her for again bringing something to his attention and this time asked her if she had seen his watch that had gone missing. She said she hadn’t, but assured him she would look for it.
A few days later the parish received word that the bishop would be coming for a visit. The entire parish was busy readying the church for the visit.
On the day the bishop arrived, the same nun came down the front stairs yelling, “Father! Father! I found your watch!”
The bishop said, “How wonderful my child. Where did you find it?”
After saying hello to the bishop, the nun turned to the priest and said, “I found it under OUR bed.”tempRelated

Writer: OPAYEMI ABIODUN

Title: MY STRANGE JOURNEY.
Part: 2.


Fake or let me say imaginary fainting!
My legs never stop heading on, may be a part in me feels like that. I walked for so long before this path branched into two. Funny enough, I had a watch on me but, never bother to check it again.
The last time I checked it, the minute and hour hands stand still like as we do when reciting Natioal Anthem though, the seconds hand maintained its usual circular motion but in an unusual manner, anticlockwise!
As if by remote control, I stopped moving when I reached this point.I heard a voice (only in my left ear) enjoining me to branch by the left, another one persuaded me to follow the right track, 'what a dilemma', my thinking facaulty worked for the first time.
Perplexed on the spot, I closed my eyes to meditate. Yes, meditation, that is what I can call it because, I couldn't remember if there is anything like 'prayer' then. Another path goes straight in front of me when I later opened my eyes......

>> Part 3 -

“Emeka is my brother”
“WHAT” I scream. That is the only word that
spews out from my mouth. I step down from the
car and stand at the bridge barricade sobbing in
tears. “Why on earth…?” Words become heavy for my tongue. “What have
I done? How did I bring this upon myself?”
At that instant, all kinds of flashed images
enshroud my mind. Should I jump into this
lagoon and have all of these washed away? My
body flinches to his touch on my waist. A drop of tear falls from my eye with no warning as I
wonder someone I loved wholeheartedly and all
of a sudden flinching to his touch.
“Emeka is my half brother. My mother divorced
Emeka’s Father before relocating back to Ghana
where she found my father and begat me as a son.”
I don’t utter a word as I allow my tears to travel
with the wind.
“Merissa, look at me, please just look at me” I
stare into his eyes and saw sparkling innocence.
“My dear, I am not part of any cult group. Apart from him being my half brother, we don’t share
anything in common. I am the exact opposite
side of him.
Please my love, do trust me,” he says.
“I trust you Kofi” uttered in my quivering voice. I
trust him, looking at him with tears streaming down my cheeks. I swallow but found a deserted
throat. He hugs me but my wailing get even
louder. I can’t control myself.
“It’s okay, I have you.” His reassuring words
soothe my pain and then that very moment, I
know I am in love. He gently place me at the rear and shut the car
door while he hops on the driver seat and drive
me home.

>>

Continues..


Me:by Brenden(crying)
Preston:I knew that b-----d was up to something
the
way he was kissing you. Tell me how it
happened.(I told him everything) Preston:well I am sorry for
all that happened. Accept
my sympathy. I will advice you to stop crying
and face
it! This is not the first time someone’s slept
with you. You will pull through but that shouldn’t have
made you
used Presley so you can see me.
Me:what Preston:you want me to feel guilty
for what Brenden
did to you even when you enjoyed it?you want me to
feel guilty right?(he kissed me roughly)there! I
just felt
guilty. This should be the last time you will ever
call
me to see you. U am a busy person so don’t think I will
have time to spare for you. As far as I know you,
you are from my past. I figment of my
imagination. I have
to go my girlfriend must be hell bored and
waiting for me.
I was speechless. I didn’t know what to say.
He just
worsened the whole issue. I wept uncontrollably
until
Miranda broke the silence Miranda:even if she was raped twice in the spaces of
five hours?
Preston:it was even two rounds and you are
trying to
convince me you enjoyed none?
Miranda:please stop all these!could you be this heartless? Preston:heartless is an
understatement.
Miranda:even when you broke her virginity
taking her
pride away?
Preston:hmmmm, does breaking her virginity makes
me indebted to her?come on we both enjoyed it.
Right
Milly? I didn’t know what to say neither did I
know where
the strength came from I took my car keys and ran
out of the room crying. I entered into the lemon
jeep
and drove out unaware of where I was heading
to. I
just needed to be alone at that moment. I hated preston the more. His words were as if he was
also raping me. I was still in my robe. I stopped
at a small
boutique luckily my ATM was inside the car. I
used it
to pay for the dress and entered into the car again. I
continued driving crying at the same time also
thinking of what both of them have done. I was
tired
of driving so I came back home. I parked and
came down from the car. That was about when Preston and
Presley were about leaving. They came out of
their
car as soon as they saw me.
Prestonresley come inside and let’s go
Presley:guy free me first Mirandaholding my hands)are you okay? I hope
you are fine?
Me:yes I am. Miranda I want to tell you
something
Miranda:am all ears
Me:you know we both have different fate and destiny
in this life. All what happened were bound to
happen.
Even if we separate now, life will still be in
favour for us
Miranda:come on you are scaring me. Tell me Me:I am sorry to say this but i am leaving, I am
going
back
Mirandashe left my hands)back as in?your
grandparents house or where? Me:I am going
back to Europe to continue my life there Miranda:what! And leave me alone here? You
were
the reason I made no other friends. Look I know
what
you are going through but please let’s
graduate together first please.


To be continued…


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Am done here, just finished writting my music (call me the composer/songwriter)
New track from me relaesing soon: ''Breny - Be My Girl''
(@iamBreny) droping soon guys,, LOVE Y'ALL







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-17 14:18:21

203 Views




Loveth: mother;i thought you don't want to see me again
Grace: why will i do that?do you want your dad to kill me
Loveth: where is dad?we are both in same country and we still don't see much of ourselves
Grace: you are crazy;he is here also
Loveth: where is him?
Lambert: little Princess;do you think daddy didn't missed you
Loveth: hmmm
Lambert: i did;i wanted to come before now but your mom kept stopping me and you know how she is now
Grace: will you stop
Lambert: come still close to me(Loveth sat close to him)i really missed you
Loveth: i missed you too dad;why do you have a lot of white hairs now
Lambert: is it not you mom that kept saying young girls are always after me;so she decided to invite this fellow(he point to his white hairs and Loveth laughed)
Loveth: dad;you wouldn't change and that is why i missed you;especially those your bedtime story
Lambert: don't worry;i will teach your husband how to do it
Loveth: dad;yours is different
Grace: talking about your husband;where is he?
Loveth: he should be..(enter Jude)welcome
Jude: good day sir
Lambert: how are you my son?
Jude: fine sir
Lambert: i hope you are taking good care of my daughter
Jude: did she say i am maltreating her
Loveth: Jude;dad please just let him be
Lambert: alright
Grace: my baby;how is life as a married woman?
Loveth: is funny and interest(she make a smile)is just staying at home all day is boring
Lambert: you can assuredly come work in one of my company(Jude stared at her)that way you can earn money and also help your family
Loveth: dad
Lambert: if you are thinking of your husband don't worry he will accept(to Jude)right
Loveth: dad;i know but please;you know i never did like the ideal of working for you
Lambert: i know but maybe you think that i am going to treat you with more.....
Loveth: dad;please
Lambert: alright;i go ahead;come on Grace
Grace: alright;please take care
Loveth: i will mom(she hugged her)good bye dad(he kissed her)
Lambert: hey boy take care of my daughter;if you don't want to get it from me
Grace: will stop frightening him
Lambert: i am not;she is my only eyes;so i don't joke with her;bye(exit Lambert/Grace)
Loveth: this old man will never change
Jude: what did you tell him?
Loveth: tell who?
Jude: do you go about telling people that i can't feed you and i am maltreating you
Loveth: no oh!he just wanted to help
Jude: help indeed and he also have to threaten me
Loveth: he was just saying;so you know how important i am to him
Jude: really?well i don't like people telling me what to do
Loveth: noted(she turned to leave and he dragged her back and slapped her)what is it again?
Jude: you don't walk out on me
Loveth: fine;sorry(he slapped her again)what is it this time?
Jude: don't talk when i am talking,understand(she kept quiet)are you stupid
Loveth: what is it with you?you said i shouldn't talk and i kept quiet,now what do you want....(before she finish he had loose his belt and start using it on her)Jude;stop it;you are hurt me(he continued)stop it
Jude: useless girl(he hit her more)
Loveth: go on and continue hitting and i will report you to the police(he stop)
Jude: useless girl(he walked away)
Loveth: someone please save me from this monster(curtain)


Muriel: Joan;what is wrong with you?
Joan: i am pregnant ma
Muriel: what?
Joan: i am sorry ma
Muriel: why didn't you tell me?who is responsible?
Joan: i just find out yesterday
Muriel: is okay,who is the father
Joan: Luke ma
Muriel: what?my son is responsible?how come?
Joan: the night he came home drunk
Muriel: Luke raped you
Joan: mom is not like he wanted to but he was drunk
Muriel: don't justify his action(enter Luke)i can't believe that Luke will do this
Luke: i just held my name
Muriel: son she is pregnant
Luke: why are you telling me?
Muriel: you are responsible(he coughed)what is it?
Luke: sorry ma(he wiped his face)Joan;is it true?
Joan: yes
Luke: oh my God;what have i gotten myself into;what do we will do now
Muriel: what kind of a stupid question is that?
Luke: i don't
Muriel: get ready to marry her
Luke: mom
Muriel: Joan;please excuse us
Joan: alright ma(Joan walk to a distance and listen)
Luke: mom;you are kidding right
Muriel: i am not;if you can put her in a family way then you can also marry her
Luke: mom;please don't do this to me;i feel nothing for her,my heart is with someone else
Muriel: who?someone else's wife?if you think i will accept her into my family you are dreaming because i will not let you commit same mistake of your father
Luke: mom;if you don't want me to become like my dad;then don't force me to marry someone i feel nothing for
Muriel: you will learn to love;just as you have learn to love that girl
Luke: mother
Muriel: that is my decision and your wedding is in a fortnight
Luke: mom;please don't do this to me(exit Muriel)i hate you Loveth for this(curtain)

Loveth: mom;when did you come?
Liz: like some hours back
Loveth: why didn't you wake me?
Liz: you were sleep peacefully
Loveth: alright;i will go prepare something for you
Liz: you don't have to
Loveth: i want to(she turn to leave but she felt giddy)
Liz: are you alright?
Loveth: yes......(she collapse)
Liz: Loveth;somebody help(enter Jude)thank God you are here
Jude: what is wrong and why is she on the floor?
Liz: she collapse;lets take her to the hospital
Jude: no need for that;she will wake up;excuse me
Liz: are you sick?
Jude: no mom;i have a business meeting;i just need to get this and leave(he got what he wanted and leave)
Liz: this .boy is a monster(she dragged herself to the car and drove to the hospital)doctor;how is she?
Doctor: she is fine
Liz: she passed out and you are saying she is fine
Doctor: she is fine;she is few weeks pregnant;she fainted because of being stress up(she open her eyes)how are you?
Loveth: where am i?
Liz: hospital my daughter;you passed out
Loveth: oh!sorry ma for stressing you
Liz: is nothing you are like my daughter too(enter Grace)
Grace: my daughter;what happen
Doctor: is nothing to worry about
Loveth: doctor can i go home now
Doctor: of cause you can but please take good care of the baby
Loveth: i am pregnant?
Liz: yes my daughter
Grace: she is pregnant
Liz: of cause
Grace: oh my gosh!i am going to be a grandmother
Liz: of cause;i will pay the bills so we go home
Grace: alright(exit Liz)my daughter;i am so proud of you(she hugged her and Loveth felt pains in her hand and scream a little)are you alright
Loveth: yes mom;i am....(she saw the belt marks on her neck)mom
Grace: Loveth;did he hurt you?
Loveth: no more;is my pregnancy;you know this is my first time
Grace: first time indeed(she pull her cloths upward and see more)Loveth;that monster is hurt you
Loveth: mom;will you stop it(she cried)
Grace: go on tell me;he is hurt you(she nodded and tears rolls her eyes)you are leaving him;i wanted you to get married not for you to die
Loveth: mom;i can't;this is my lot in life
Grace: are you sick?you want to die before your time
Loveth: i am not dying
Grace: you are coming with me
Loveth: i am not mom;if you still love me;let me be
Grace: i will tell your dad this rubbish
Loveth: no mom;i don't want Jude to hurt superman
Grace: who is superman and why will Jude hurt him?
Loveth: mother please
Grace: go on and tell me or i will tell your dad
Loveth: fine mom;i was in love with someone else after you introduce him to me
Grace: why didn't you break up with him?i wanted you to get married but to be happy too
Loveth: i try breaking up with him but he threaten to kill him if i don't marry him
Grace: what?why didn't you tell me?
Loveth: mom;it was so fast and i was scared for his life
Grace: you sacrifice your happiness for a man
Loveth: mom;i love him deeply even though i know i am not suppose to be saying i love someone else apart from my husband;that is the price you pay for being in love
Grace: Loveth
Loveth: mom;please don't tell dad
Grace: what if he kill you?you are all i have
Loveth: he would not;especially now that i am carrying his baby
Grace: do you want to put your life and your unborn baby in danger
Loveth: mom;he will not hurt me
Grace: i am sorry my daughter(she cried)sorry that i cause you pain
Loveth: its not your fault
Grace: it is;i feel like a worthless mother(they both hugged and cry together) forgive me;my baby(enter Liz)
Liz: this two;can we go now
Loveth: of cause;mom lets go
Grace: don't worry;i have to go home
Loveth: mother
Grace: don't worry i will call you(he peck her and left)
Liz: what is wrong with your mom?
Loveth: i don't know lets just go home
Liz: alright(curtain)

Alex: brother;in few days time,you will become a married man
Luke: Alex;please change this topic
Alex: you have to be happy because you are getting married
Luke: i have just one space in my heart and its just for Loveth
Alex: Luke;are you crazy?she is married;do you want to get her out of her marriage
Luke: i know i can't do that but please stop reminding me;that she is married
Alex: learn to love Joan;she is carrying your baby or don't you love the baby
Luke: i hold nothing against my baby but i would had been more excited if my baby is coming form Loveth not her
Alex: it is this same foolish thinking of a girl that is enjoying her marriage life with someone else that made you impregnated her
Luke: but how can i get over her;when she always in my head;mind;heart,in fact all over me
Alex: open your hurt and let your love flow;brother let the pass go
Luke: i wish i could
Alex: you can do it(curtain)

Loveth: (she write on her handkerchief)Loveth;learn to love him;he is your husband now;you have to forget everything about superman;you are going to be come a mother now;so you have to be strong for yourself and your baby because i love you superman;i really don't even know your name...(to Luke)
Luke: i really don't know what it is to be in love before you came into my life;when you came everything change;i felt like i was human but when you left;you took everything with you;do you have to be that heartless?are you a monster?(back to Loveth)
Loveth: i am not a monster;i just want to let go because i want the best for you;been with me is nothing compare to been alive for me because i love i want the best for you(back to Luke)
Luke: i let you have too much space in my life;but i have to let you go(he throw all the things he wrote into the art work which says buried all your pains and regret and walked away)
Loveth: good bye superman(curtain)



To be continued......


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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no time








NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-26 06:24:56

2047 Views



Dead sex [Read it]


A police officer caught a drunk man having sex with a dead woman.


POLICE: Hey, how can you rape a dead person? Are you mad?!


MAN: No Constable, I'm not mad. Me and her had an agreement.


POLICE: What agreement?


MAN: 2 years back, I asked this woman to have sex with me and she said "OVER MY DEAD BODY".


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-13 19:50:22

224 Views




Cooja, Mooja, Ooja, Kani, Mani, Pani, Mao, Bao, Lao, Zoo, Lo Shoo…
Oh my God! Hope you have not read it! This was the mantra for making your
.
..

….
DICK smaller!Related

Joke by Dindy [Read it]


JOKE BY DINDY
Boy:please can I see your pix?
Girl:kk
.
.
Picture sent??
.
.
Picture received??
.
.
Boy:wow you look beautiful....you look so 24....how old are you?
Girl:I am 18
Boy:huh?.....i said your age not your junior sister's age.........lol
#DINDY WROTE THIS=> facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-30 21:20:43

422 Views



Birthday Month [Read it]


PSYCHOLOGISTS SAY PEOPLE BORN IN THESE
FOLLOWING MONTHS
JANUARY ? Born & Alert
FERBUARY ? Lucky & Loyal
MARCH ? Naughty & Genius
APRIL? Caring & Strong
MAY ? Loving & Practical
JUNE ? Romantic & Curious
JULY ? Adventurous & Hardworking
AUGUST ? Active & Honest
SEPTEMBER ? Sensitive &Pretty
OCTOBER ? Stylish & Friendly
NOVEMBER ? Nice & Creative
DECEMBER ? Confident & Freedom loving
WHICH MONTH WERE YOU BORN IN?



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-15 09:22:19

119 Views




Trouble is :
1- when d person interviewing u @ ur job
interview is d guy u insulted in traffic. 4get d
job!!
2- when u tel ur friend, 'ur papa' nd u see
his/ha dad staring @ u.
3- when a mosquito lands on ur dad's bald
head nd u try 2 kil it wit ur bare hands. U
must provide proof or else...
4- when patience Ebele is your english
teacher jes b4 WAEC. Jes prepare 2 re-write
next year!.....
5- when u update “salary tins” on fb, nd ur
landlord comments “on point”. Bye bye 2 ur
salary!..
6- when u r in a bus nd u throw away
#1000 note instead of gala wrapper...
7- when u r ontop of a bike nd d okada man
is pinging, heaven(or hell) beckons....
8- when u jes finished eatin in an eatery nd
u find out u 4got ur wallet in a taxi. U go
wash plate tire...
9- when Usain Bolt chases u wit cutlass, dnt
bother running, jes beg!...
10- when u gif a begger #500 instead of
#50...
11- when u saw a snake in ur room nd u
went nd locked d door nd Nepa takes lite.
# lobatan!
12- Trouble is when u tel a chemist u want
sm condoms, nd u realize he iz ur pastor.
Omo u go b topic 4 discussion next
Sunday.....


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-07 10:20:14

426 Views




An Hausa, Igbo and Yoruba boy in our sunday school class were asked by the sunday school Teacher what they would change in the bible if they were given the chance. The Hausa boy said, "Walahi, the adulteress Jesus asked to go should have been stoned fa!". The Igbo boy replied, "Nna, I can't understand why Judas returned the money after selling Jesus. In short, he is not a good business man." The Yoruba boy retorted, ''Jesus should have waited just one more day before raising Lazarus from the dead. We had already paid for the ASO-EBI. At least he should have allowed us enjoy the OWAMBE before performing his miracle.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-07 09:27:56

1030 Views



government [Read it]


A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, "Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future." "I still don't get it" responded the Little Johnny. "Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better," said the dad. "Okay then...good night" said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middleof the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, buthis dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized somethingand thinks aloud, "OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, andthe future is full of shit!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-06 01:44:11

589 Views




CONGRATULATIONS TO OUR HERO!!! WELL
DONE
GEJ. former President, Goodluck
Jonathan who yesterday emerged as the African
Leadership Magazine Person of the Year, 2015,
ahead
of many other high-profile nominees drawn from
all
over Africa.
Back to back awards for the Hero of African
Democracy. Less than one year you left,
nigerians are already crying. You are a leader
and man of peace. Once again congratulation!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-06 16:20:42

317 Views




She is an expert housekeeper: every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.Related

******continue part******

Amara entered the sitting room and saw her mother in the sitting room, as soon as mrs uche saw amara she was so happy she ran to her and gave her a warm embrace,amare knew she has been worried.

Mrs uche :Amara, Amara

Amara :yes mama

Mrs uche :is this really you

Amara :mama it's me

Amara was trying to force out a smile

Mrs uche :amara why will you do this to me,why did you left without telling anybody, you broke my heart,is that fair

Amara felt so sorry for her mum,she hate seeing her in distress,Amara put her arms round her,

Amara :mama am so sorry okey,i just needed to be alone for sometime, i never meant to hurt you this way

Mrs uche :you wanted to be alone but hope you didn't go to meet that boy chidi

Amara was surprise, well she couldn't have thought as much,maxwell would have cooked up a story.

Amara :no oh,i have been with a friend of mind and it not a boy,i have been out of town, why will you say things like that

Mrs uche :then why was your phone switch off

Amara :mama,like I say earlier, i needed to be alone, but am back now

Mrs uche :but you didn't do the right thing at all,we were all worried about you,we even involved the police

Amara : police, i am barely gone for just three days and the police is already involved what will you involved if i was gone for a whole year

Mrs uche :this is not something you should joke with,

Amara :mama am just coming back now and i am very tired because am coming from a far distance, i really need to rest,i want to go to me room

Amara try to cheer her up

Amara :it okey ne,i am back and i promise I won't leave like that again.

Mrs uche : promise oh,i don't want you to do it again.

Amara succeeded in convincing her parents and tryed to make everything look normal,she even had to call maxwell to inform him of her arrival because that's what her father wanted,after her supper she call chidi they didn't talk much as chidi warn her not to call him at home you know what they say wells has earned, as soon as she ended the call with chidi she called Sandra, she was told that Sandra was at the hospital in benin but yet to return,she hasn't have time to talk to her as emma could tell her she wasn't allowed to receive calls,she just decided to call again to check on her,to her greatest surprise Sandra picked the call.

Amara :Sandra are you okey,how are you,i was told you are in the hospital what happened

Sandra :relax,yes I have been in the hospital just some pregnancy problem but am okey now

Amara :thanks God ,i was so worried about you,so hope the baby is fine

Sandra :yes everything is fine,i was about calling you later this evening,emma told me you everything that happened to you but wouldn't tell in fill details, so babe what happened.

Amara :it a long story

Sandra :you should know am all ears

Amara lower her tone

Amara:that night do you know that Maxwell tryed to rape me

Sandra screamed out

Sandra :what are you serious

Amara :if not for God,i could have been telling a different story, i manage to run out of the house oh,i called you but your husband pick and God bless him for me.

Sandra :yeah he told me he called chidi,

Amara :chidi came to my rescue, i have been at his place since three days now,just coming back from his place this afternoon.

Sandra :hmmmmmm, and hope everything went well

Amara :yeah,he is till nice to me no matter what I did to him,chidi is turely a nice person

Sandra:thank God you have now seen it that maxwell is a devil.

Amara :Sandra there is something I want to ask you i don't know if I can

Sandra :you know you can ask me,what is it

Amara :that day maxwell was shut,was emma your husband with chidi

Sandra was surprise at the question

Sandra :since the past five years now you haven't asked me this question until now why

Amara :please i just need to know

Sandra :yes,he was there, he witness everything and thanks to chidi he didn't try to implicate him even when they were looking for a witness,chidi told you everything right

Amara :yes

Sandra :amara listen to me,what ever chidi told you is the truth,he was innocent of the crime placed on him,maybe maxwell shut himself to gain pity from you,maxwell has been using you,even before the incident i was told maxwell came to chidi house offering to pay him off so he can leave you alone but he turned the whole thing around, chidi was blame because he only try to defend himself if not chidi could have been dead by now

Amara :and i was sure a fool,i didn't even gave him a chance to explain,maxwell i will never forgive him ,

Sandra :this is not the time to start talking and do nothing, you have to run away from maxwell, he will destroy your life

Amara :i know,i and chidi are working things out and i pray it push through

Sandra :just be careful okey,maxwell is dangerous

Amara :thanks dear for everything, for not letting go of me

Sandra :come on,what are friends for,you will soon be fine i can feel it

Amara :so when are you coming back

Sandra :maybe next week,emma mother won't let me go she thinks am not in a good condition to leave her sight

Amara :that's mother in law for you oh

They both laughed

Sandra:but emma will be coming back tomorrow he needs to resume work

Amara key please say hi to him oh

Sandra f course i will

Amara :you should try and rest now okey i will call back to check on you again

Sandrakey bye

Amara :take care

Amara dropped the call, she was now convinced that maxwell framed chidi up and he was the evil all this while, she just pray to be out of this mess in no time,days passed and amara played cool with everything,but the communication between her and maxwell was not the same,she try to avoid him at all cost,chidi and amara always communicates with eachother other,Amara was trying to play it low cause she won't want maxwell to fine out of her plans,Mr and Mrs Jonathan finally came back home,the driver went to pick then at the airport,they drove into the compound and came down from the car but it seems they wasn't the only one that came back with them.

Let's see who would that be in the next episode

LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS AND
READ NEXT EPISODE

>>

Meri mohobbat ka katl karke wo khushhal ho gaye,

Hum unke ishq mein badnaam ho gaye,

Hame mili sirf badnami unki mohobbat mein,

Hame badnaam karke wo to khushhal ho gaye.Related

Episodes:

The Honest Car [Read it]


A man ordered for a voice
automated robot car that does
anything he tells it to do correctly
without any error. He got the car
and became very proud of what the
car could do without mistakes.
One day, he was home and his wife
told him to tell the car to go and
pick the children from school as she
was very tired. The man agreed and
said to the car, "Car! Go and bring
my children from school."
The car went and didn't return in
time as expected, they knew
something must be wrong.
Several hours later and no car, the
man became apprehensive. He
dressed up and got ready to lodge a
report at the police station. As he
and his wife stepped outside they
saw the car coming with an overload
of children. The car parked right in
front of them and said, "These are
your children sir."
In the car, were their Landlady's two
daughters, their choir mistress's two
sons, his wife's best friend's
daughter, their pastor's son and
their neighbour's two sons.
The wife who was angry shouted at
her husband, "Don't tell me all
these are your children!"
The man asked her calmly, "Can you
first tell me why our children are
not in the car?"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-25 12:14:24

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HEAR MY STORY
Part 11
I lost my parents when i was very young & went into
prostitution while i was in school, sleeping with anything in
trousers just to get money. I aborted many
pregnancies, & at a time i just got tired of that kind of life &
decided to opt out of prostitution..but then, unknown to
me,i was already carrying a pregnancy which i didn't know
who was responsible for it.
For a reason i couldnt really explain,i decided to have the
baby.
I had a baby girl,named Temidara & was taken care of her
alone.Since i didn't know who her father was, I gave her a
surname, Omoolorun which means a child of God.
When Temi was 2yrs old,i gave my life to Jesus & i was
seriously enjoying my new life in Christ.
About a year n half later,i met a man who proposed to
me.He was born again & feared the Lord.
We got married about six months later, & we had one of the
best marriages in the world.
Though,i didn't have a child for him, the man loved me so
much despite pressures from his friends & family members
to leave me n find another lady, having known my past.
We both continued to serve God with all of our
hearts,trusting Him that one day, He would shut up the mouths
of our enemies & give us a child.
Then, the unexpected happened.
After 7yrs of marriage,my husband slumped & died in
church one sunday morning.
He was the one that drove us to church that day,he didnt
complain of having any pain earlier.
You wouldn't like to hear what i went through in the hands of his
family members afterwards.I was treated like an animal.
Thank God for my pastor & church members that came to my
rescue.I was not allowed to take anything out of the
house,not even my own belongings.It took my pastor's
intervention before i could be allowed to take my
certificates.They said i was responsible for the death of their
son.
Months later,i found myself sleeping around with men who
were coming to render one assistance or the other.I knew it
wasn't good,but i just couldn't help myself.
I prayed & prayed for God to deliver me, but the more i
prayed, the more i found myself in it.People in the church were
seeing me as a strong woman,but i knew i was as weak &
helpless as a worm.
Then,one day we were having a special programme in
church, & a guest minister was invited.
As he was ministering,he paused & said "God is telling
me that there is a woman here,who lost her husband sometime
ago, &has since resorted to sleeping with men, both married &
single. You know it's not good & have been praying about it, if only you
can come out now,God wants to deliver you....Everybody close your
eyes".
It took me quite some time before i could come out. In
fact, it was the Holyspirit that pushed me out.
The man prayed for me, & since that day i was delivered.
Some women picked quarell with me later,suspecting their
husbands were among the men i was sleeping with. How they
knew i was the one that came out, I didn't know; Afterall, the
pastor told everybody to close their eyes.
About 3 months later, the same man of God that ministered to
me, sent my pastor to tell me that God told him to marry me.
I was surprised.."but,doesnt he have a wife?".I asked my
pastor.
"He lost his wife last year".He answered.
That man of God is Pastor Williams.
We got married,and exactly a year later,we had a set of
twins..a boy & a girl.
That was why i told you the other time, that if God could have mercy
on me, He would surely have mercy on u too.
Look at 1cor 10:13.God will always provide an escape route
for you if you are His child, when you fall into the enemy's
trap, provided you ask for forgiveness, obey His leading & genuinely repent - He will save you.
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Nigerians love Alcohol so
much...
If Something Good happens,
they Drink to Celebrate it.
If Something bad Happens,
they drink to forget it and
drown their sorrows.
If Nothing Happens, they
drink to make things happen.
We Need to do something
about this problem My fellow
people, Please can we meet
for a drink and discuss this?



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-07 09:22:44

1151 Views




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