Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Job Tum Bimar Hote ho



Gf – “You ok?”



Mom – “TAKE THIS THIS & THIS ALSO THIS”



Friends – “AIDS k mareez door reh, apni bimariapne paas rakh kAmIne” ????Related

Banta was in his apartment wearing only his boxers.

Preeto: Dress up, guests must be coming any moment.

Banta: Let them see me this way, so they know how you feed me.

Preeto: Then take off the boxers also, so they may see that what for should I feed you.Related


Akpos’ wife sent her husband a romantic text message.
She wrote:
“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you.”

Akpos texted back to her:
“I’m on the toilet. Please advise.”


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-25 11:25:08

647 Views




John was troubled by what Nelson just
told him, he went back to the sitting
room and sat on the couch, could his
father had been kidnapped by those
wicked men? He asked himself, he went
to the fridge to get a bottle of water, but
this time he sipped it slowly instead of
gulping it like a dragon that wants to
put out It’s fire, countless thoughts
occupied his mind, Joy sat beside him
and held his hands, she had listened to
their conversation, she felt sorry for
John, she had lost both her parents few
years ago in a car crash, but she had
gotten over it, she wouldn’t want him to
lose his father, she looked at his face
and tried to console him, he looked into
her eyes and his heart melted, he almost
smiled,
he then held her head and placed it on
his chest, 10 minutes later, John looked
at Joy any saw that she had slept off, he
stood up and carried her to the room
where Becky was, he placed her on the
bed gently and kissed her, he went to the
room where the guys were and he lied
down on the spare bed, he was deep in
thought until 1:00pm when nature came
and closed his eyes.
………………………………………………………
Kemi woke up with a smile on her face,
her concubine had satisfied her more
than her husband ever did, she even
wondered maybe that was the reason
why John’s mother left, maybe he could
not satisfy her in bed and she left for
that reason, wise woman, Kemi thought
to herself, she had made the right
choice, but she herself won’t leave the
house
for her husband, when he comes back
with John, that is even if the useless boy
was found alive, she would send an
assassin to take care of them, her
concubine was still sleeping, she didn’t
blame him, he had worked like a bull, she
stood up and wore her cloth, she carried
her hand bag and left his house, she
drove back to her husband’s house as
she had to go to work that morning.
……………………………………………………
The corpers woke up early except John,
he had woken up around 8:30 am, he
stood up and walked towards the
bathroom, he brushed his teeth and had
his bath, he saw a new T-shirt and a
pair of jeans on the bed, he didn’t need
to ask Google before he knew it was for
him, he was happy he was not going to
wear the smelly palace guard clothes
again, he went out of the room and
walked towards the dining room, there
they were eating breakfast, he greeted
them before sitting down with them at
the dining table, the house help brought
his own breakfast of moin-moin and pap
and placed it before him, he ate silently
without saying a word, when they had
finished eating, Nelson announced to
them that a police pickup was waiting
outside to take four of them home as
John would go later because he had
some important issues to attend to,
John then interfered, he told them what
happened to his father, they all felt sorry
for him and hoped that his father was
not in the hands of the kidnappers,
Tomiwa and Becky were inside the police
pickup, Joy and TJ had refused to go,
Joy said she was going to Nelson’s place
with him until he was ready to go, he
was the only person she trusted, TJ was
not going to leave his friend in this state
of mind, he called his father using
Nelson’s phone, it was his father’s
assistant that picked the phone, his
father was out of the country, he told
the assistant to tell him that he would
be spending a few more days in Enugu,
the police pickup left on the
journey to Lagos carrying only Tomiwa
and Becky, John wished them safe
journey.
…………………………………………………
The hunter and his wife wore their best
clothes and began their journey to the
palace, they were going to meet their
new son-in-law.



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Sometimes the world gives me so many reasons to hate it. But whenever it happens, I just stop and think – how can I hate this world when you are a part of it!Related

Ret Par Thak Ke Gira Hun To Hawa Puchti Hai;

Aap Iss Dasht Mein Kyon Aaye The Vahshat Ke Bagair!Related

Akpors gets home early from work one day and
hears strange noises coming from his
bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife
naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
“What’s up?” he said.
“I’m having a heart attack,” cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just
as he’s dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and
says, “Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ejiro is hiding in your
closet and he has got no clothes on!”
Akpors slams the phone down and storms
upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming
wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.
Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked
inside the closet.
Akpors Angrily said: “You rotten bastard”, what is
the meaning of this? My wife is having a heart
attack and you’re here running around my house
naked and scaring my children, is this thing
fair?!!”
One word for Akpors this time?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-24 07:07:47

1448 Views




This a story where i happened to be the protagonist.Hey, i'm not bluffing. I damn mean it and ....no apology.*Winks*
When i was still serving as a trade apprentice, it happened that my boss got married. This happened at a time when i was in SS3. By implication, i gussed you already know intuitively, i was preparing for my SSCEs.And schooling and learning trade concurrently was one hell of thing i bet many will consider tedious and irreconciliably impossible. I was drastically withdrawn in physics because of my dislikes in calculations coupled with the fact that we had erratic and incompetent physics master.. I wanted to buy a physics textbook because i never had any textbooks.However, as an apprentice i had limited freedom; buying a textbook would simply mean overstretching my luck.I could neither buy with the little money i had nor ask my master to buy it for me as the latter would even be a more ''reprehensible attempt''.I was between the devil and the deep blue sea.After much pondering and calculation, i decided to buy it secretly.Well, i bought and encountered another obstacle.I only had in the night to read it and in the sitting room as well....mehn, they were bound to see someday and that spelt doom.But i was determine to pass my physics, so i kept overstretching my luck by studying the text painstakingly.So whilst they watched the television, i would lie behind the cushion reading.
After some days successfully studying my text surreptitiously, my boss wife with her prying eyes and poking nose, decided to see what i was doing behind the cushion.Lo and behold a new textbook! She seized it and threatened to report me to my master. O that would be detrimental to my servicehold and my academic prospect. Well, in the heat of the naggings and threat i remained quiet and obvious apologetic, so that after much rantings she gave me the text back.I was unsure what would be her next plan, but i simply prayed against every godamn, God-for-saken spirit that would grant her the impeccable impetus and audacity to alter such to my boss.O i did profusely repel those spirit because nobody talk about the scenario again.Nevertheless, she kept prying on me and i kept being extra careful and seldom overstretched my lucks again.
Now, after my exams her younger sister came to stay with them particularly to write her SSSCE there.She needed a coach....a tutor i mean, so my boss wife, having known that i was bright academically, asked me to help. Not just that, she did BEG me to release the physics textbook and other of my learning paraphernalia to the sister to help her study for the exams.That i did without much ado!By the grace of God, i coached her and without any other extra mural coaching aside the ailing school curriculum, she made all her papers. The mum had to call to thank me.
Did i tell you i passed physics? Well, i did including all other subjects.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-20 18:48:08

538 Views



AM BARk AGAIN [Read it]


U knw dat awkward moment when you plan to give birth in US so ur baby becomes a citizen.. But d water broke @ murtala Muhammed airport.. And bomb it's labor #AoN rnrnGod made us all different.....But when he got to China hernthought ...Fuck it....Copy, paste, copy, paste.....#AoN rnrnrn... Women will always be women, u can never take gossip away from them, even when they are pastors, they be like ;rn GOOD MORNING rnLets remember sister chukwu yinka bello in prayers she has HIV.#AoN rnrnOsun girls be like...... Kwekwekwekwek.. Rihanna please stop d confusion#AoN rnrnOh ye dat r weak n heavy Laden... Come lets chat lols.. Only Jesus can give u restrn#AoN #Am back again #B-goF


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-18 23:07:59

352 Views




A man just killed himself and ran away. police is searching for him everywhere now. If u know his way about report to the nearest police station and grab 100k








NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-26 14:51:30

969 Views




Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a
neighbor & decided to go to a calm place to
share the lot equally.
One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.
As they were jumping the big gate to enter the
cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn't bother to pick them since they had
enough in the bag.
Few minutes later, a drunkard on his way from a
bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a
voice saying: "One For Me, One For U, One For
Me, One For U"..... He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he
could to a church nearby, for the priest.........
..............
"Father, pls come with me . Come & witness God
& satan sharing corpse at the cemetery"......
They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice continued: "One For Me, One For U, One
For Me, One For U'............
Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said:
"What About The Two At The Gate?"......... .. Come see marathon race!.........
The priest almost ran pass the church
gate..shouting: "We Are Not Dead Yet oohh!!!".


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-13 22:31:26

402 Views




Special Request for Girls

.

.

.

.

.

Kripya facebook pe apne

name kay aage “Angel,

Princess,Sweet,

Lovely…”etc. Naa Likha karo

.

.

.

.

Kyuki Aap Logo Ki Shakal

Dekhne Ke Baad

ladko ka Princess aur angels

par

se vishwas uthta jaa raha haiRelated

A FEW THOUGHTS FOR TODAY!!!
1. Can you cry under water ?
2. Do fishes ever get thirsty ?
3. Why don’t birds fall off trees
when they sleep ?
4. Why is it called building when
it is already built ?
5. When they say dog food is
new and improved, who tastes
it ?
6. “I Love You” is not a question
then why does it need an
answer ?
7. Why does round pizza come in
a square box ?
8. Why doesn’t glue stick to its
bottle ?
9. If money doesn’t grow on
trees then why do banks have
branches ?
Don't be confused!
Remember that, nothing in
nature lives for itself. Rivers don't
drink their own water.
Trees don't eat their own fruit.
The Sun doesn't produce heat for
itself, and the moon never goes
on a honeymoon.
Living for Others is the Rule of
Nature.
Be each others keeper and be
glorious..
Be a blessing to others. #B-gof


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-24 14:32:15

278 Views




Young man, you are coming to seek my daughter’s hand in marriage and you are chewing gum.

That’s a sign of disrespect!

Akpos: Sir, I only chew gum when I drink or smoke.

Father-In-Law: You mean you drink and smoke and you are here to seek my daughter’s hand in marriage?

Akpos: Sir I only drink and smoke when I go to the club.

Father-In-Law: You club too?

Akpos: I’m sorry sir, I started clubbing when I came out of prison.

Father-In-Law: You’ve also been in prison before? Oh my God!

Akpos: Sorry sir, I went to jail when I killed somebody!!

Father-In-Law: What!!! You’re a killer and you me to give you my daughter’s hand in marriage?

Akpos: Sir, it happened out of anger. It was a certain man that didn’t allow me marry his daughter, so I killed him.

Father-In-Law: You are highly welcome my son. You are on the right track. You are absolutely the right man for my daughter.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-21 07:01:33

436 Views




On getting to the police headquarters, i was taken to the detective’s office where i stayed and nervously waited for him while he entered another office with the white lawyer.

He came in about fifteen minutes later, smiling calmly.
“i’m really sorry things got so bad as to bring you back here. Your husband’s family are trying everything possible to make you pay, but don’t worry, investigation has commenced. I’m already working on a theory. You should also know that i have seized the travelling passports of every one of them that spent the night in that house. You shouldn’t worry about anything, the culprit will be caught. I equally had a good cell prepared for you” he said seriously, while tears dropped from my eyes. I couldn’t imagine myself spending the night in a police cell no matter how comfortable it was made to look.

“one more thing. I need to hear the whole truth from you since you want me by your side. That’s all i ask” the officer added curiously, drawing out another shock from me.

“what do you mean by the whole truth?” i gasped, while he smiled.

“you see, that’s one problem with Nigerian women. You all like keepings secrets even in a terrible condition. You have a cop trying to help you, the least you can do is to come out clean with him. I spoke with some of your colleagues today and their answers were quite shocking. Most of them said that your relationship and marriage to late Damian wasn’t ordinary. So you got to tell me things i need to know since you want me by your side” he pushed on while i swallowed hard and fought with myself.
The officer wanted me to open up something well buried in my heart, a secret i told no one.
“How do i go about it?” i wondered.

“i know you didn’t commit the murder but you have to help me unravel many things. What made Damian marry you so quickly, you guys had just a short Romance and Mr Damian i was told messed up a lot of ladies in the company before getting to you. Something made him marry you??, don’t tell me it was love, i have reason to believe something else was involved, even after the threats and reports you got, never for a moment did you guys quarrel. Please don’t use the love bullshit on me. I need the truth?” he pushed on seriously.

There wasn’t any doubt the officer did a good background check on me but digging deep into my relationship with Damian was only going to deteriorate matters for me. Some things are better left buried and unsaid but looking at his eyes, i saw curiousity and eagerness to know all about the hidden truth..

>> Part 6 -

Akshay Tritiya (Akha Trij):


Jainism: It was on this day that Lord Rushabhnath broke His year long fast by having sugarcane juice.

Lord Sudama visited Lord Krishna on this day with a handful of rice.

Ved Vyas along with Lord Ganesha started writing Mahabharat on this day.

God Vishnu’s 6th incarnation Lord Parshuram was born on this day.

The holy river Ganga descended on earth on this day.

This day marks as the end of Satyug and the beginning of Tretayug.

May this auspicious day usher in new beginnings to your life!

Happy Akshaya Tritya!Related

FUEL SCARCITY [Read it]


Guys check out dis pix.........is dis d change we ar expecting....
**#Lols#**







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-21 02:15:24

799 Views




Forecasting is difficult, especially about the futureRelated

ST.PETER'S SQUARE

To all of you who have read this wonderful story, we will leave to imagine the atmosphere of great joy and celebration which crowned Bakhita on the great day of her canonization.

People from all over the world were present in St. Peter's Square with the African Church in front of them all.

Bakhita a new gift of holiness to the church a new model of goodness and pardon for the world and a sure protector for African.

CANOSSIAN INSTITUTE
The Marchioness,Magdalene of Canossa officially started the institute on May 8,1808 in Verona. Magdalene of Canossa was born on March 1,1774 and belonged to the noble veronese family of Canossa. She died on April 10,1835.
It is amazing even today to reflect on how a young person who had everything could have made such a choice of life.

SPIRITUALITY
To try to understand the heart of God in his most eloquent revelation Jesus crucified. To give expression to this great love without limits through the proclamation of the Gospel.

MISSION
in the rigorous following of God Alone, Magdalene found space and time in an untiring dedication to her beloved poor. These were children,young people, women the suffering and all those who were deprived of any opportunity for education formation or assistance.

COMMUNITY
Magdalene as attentive to the spiritual values of people as well and her experience attracted other young women like herself. The first community was established in Verona, Mother House.And it became the point of reference for the needs of all even today it is a privileged place where members of large Canossian family return to reflect on and enjoy the great heritage they have received "LET US JOURNAL ON PROCLAIMING JESUS ".

THE CANOSSIAN FAMILY
Following the congregation of Daughter of charity, servants of the poor is the congregation of the sons of charity faithful interpreters of the same charism and spirituality, various expressions of laity, the lay Missionaries of Magdalene and plenty,plenty of other volunteers friends and supporters of every age and race open to give help,in the world to the most needy,ever mindful of Magdalene's recommendation.

GOD IS NOT LOVED BECAUSE HE IS NOT KNOWN.

THE END.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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9ja musicians [Read it]


Nigerian musicians are gradually ruining me. Now when I hear a pastor say "First of all.." My mind completes it with "go down low"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-20 15:56:48

791 Views




One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.

-Bob MarleyRelated

When the pupil is ready to learn, a teacher will appear.Related

EPISODE 32

The First lady called me later in the evening to know if the kidnappers had called to ask for anything, I didn’t tell her about it. I only assured her not to worry that we’re seriously working on their rescue. I made it known to her that Marcus is not going to hurt Mirabel because he is obsessed over her and wants her for himself.
Vincent and I engaged ourselves in both joint and personal prayers for God to deliver the girls from the hands of Marcus save and unharmed.
My mother called me that she heard what happened and asks if I’m Ok; I told her I will be fine. She then asked why Nancy’s line isn’t going through. I couldn’t lie to my mother so I summoned the courage to tell her that she was also kidnapped with Mirabel. She screamed in shock and started crying out loud instantly. So I ended the call. The boss (My Dad) called me minutes later asking how it happened; I told him that Nancy is friends with the President’s daughter and she was with her when the kidnap took place.
The boss: How did she even become friends with the President’s daughter?
Me: Through me because she’s my friend and course mate
The boss: The President’s daughter School here in Nigeria?
Me: Yes sir
The boss: I think that boy Marcus is being used by those politicians. The election is in few months’ time and they could be using his daughter against him and I do hope that my own daughter doesn’t fall victim in their political affairs
Momma: **Weeping from the background** They should let my daughter go oh… ritualists leave my daughter alone oh… politicians my God will punish you if anything happens to my daughter…..**Weeping continues in the background**
The boss: The President has to do something fast about it
Me: We just have to be praying hard for their save return
The boss: It’s okay…do not hesitate to call if there’s any information
Me: Yes sir
The boss: Alright take care of yourself
Me: Ok sir
**Hangs up**
Marcus must pay for my mother’s tears!

I took some time to work in the website and put some things in order as the other guys must have already done the uploading.
Vincent: Have you thought about his request?
Me: I dunno…could it be a trap as Frank said?
Vincent: **Puts his hand on my shoulder** I know you will make the right decision because I trust you
Me: Thanks mahn
Vincent: **Walks back to the kitchen**
I really had no idea on who the lady could be. I couldn’t even think of anyone that would be partnering with Marcus. And what does she even want from me if Marcus is telling the truth? Chai! Lord have mercy.
Vincent did an all-night prayer while I managed to sleep.
I woke up the following morning; did my prayers; took my laptop and sat in the parlor. Frank walked in and dropped what brought on the table.
Me: What’s that?
Frank: Breakfast
Me: Okay…
Frank: I also purchase some papers because of the headlines
I took the newspaper and saw the handsome and innocent face of Marcus being the mastermind in the kidnapping of the President’s daughter.
Then I started thinking of what my response would be; whether to go to him or not. I started expecting his call. Then I’ll tell him whatever that comes out of my mouth.
Ike called me later that morning that he’s already in the airport and the following conversation ensued.
Ike: Accept to meet with him
Me: Are you sure about that?
Ike: Positive
Me: What’s the plan?
Ike: The thing is, you’re going to stall him so that the meeting won’t take place today. We’re going to place a tracking device in your possession that will lead us straight to him.
Me: Wouldn’t it be risky? What if he guns me down on the spot?
Ike: You shall put on a bullet-proof vest just in case that happens. Oh! The jet is ready…time to go; see you in few hours’ time
Me: You’re coming with a jet?
Ike: Yep my jet
Me: Oh okay…. Save trip
**Hangs up**
He guy even own a jet…I told Vincent and Frank about Ike’s plan; they agreed that it’s a good one.

Many hours passed and Marcus still didn’t call me. Ike landed safely in Abuja. He called me that he is now in his house. He built the house while in the U.S and this is the first time for him to enter the house.
Vincent, who knew the house, drove us there and the mansion was a wow! Ike himself was a billionaire.
Vincent stopped in front of the gate; stepped down from the car towards the gate; he spoke and waved his hand at the security cam and the gate opened on its own. He walked back in to the car and drove us in. On driving in, we saw Ike walking towards us before we alighted from the car.
Ike: Welcome guys!
*Ike and Vincent hugged each other for many seconds*
Vincent: Longest time bro…I once again apologize for not attending your wedding
Ike: I will get mad if you apologize again **Laughs** Victor!
Me: Thanks for coming **we shook hands**
Ike: You look horrible mahn! Don’t worry; we’ll get your girl soon
He also shook hands with Frank
Ike: Has he called yet?
Me: Nope! He didn’t keep to the time
Ike: He’ll call. Let’s go in please…
We went into his fabulous mansion; both the exterior and interior were extremely beautiful.
He introduced the four experts he came with to us and they showed us how the devices work. We waited for Marcus’ call till nightfall but he didn’t call.
The first lady called me that night; I told her about Ike’s arrival to help in the search of the girls. I assured her that everything will be fine.
We slept there in Ike’s mansion that night after eating a delicious meal for dinner.
The experts trained us the following morning on how to defend ourselves from danger, how to use a Taser and a gun using blunt bullets to neutralize the enemy (That’s for Vincent, Ike and I because we don’t want to kill someone using a real gun) they also taught us how to defuse a bomb in case the situation gets to that.
Marcus called me during the training as an unknown caller and the following conversation ensued.
Me: Hey I’ve been expecting your call
Marcus: Leave whatever you’re doing right now and go to your apartment; you will meet someone there
Me: Who? Is it the lady?
Marcus: Make sure to be there in twenty minutes and any foul play? Your sister will pay for it with her life; got it?
Me: Please make it thirty I’m very far from the apartment
Marcus: Twenty-five **Hangs up**
Me: Hello hey?!
**The ba$tard hung up on me**
Me: Guys I need to get going ASAP
Ike: Alright alright! Go put on your shirt…
I put on my shirt; they fixed the tracking device chips all over my body about seven of them as they were very tiny. They fixed in all in my pockets, in my socks and my boxers; I also put on the bullet-proof vest. Ike and the rest reminded me of the instructions and then they wished me luck. Vincent hugged me as if I going to die or something before I hit the road with Mirabel’s SUV that Frank has been with.
I drove as fast as I could to meet the time.
My phone rings after about eighteen minutes of my drive and it was Marcus.
Marcus: It’s been twenty-six minutes; hope you’re there already?
Me: Yes I am
Marcus: No you’re not there a$$hole!
Me: I’m very close; two more minutes please
Marcus: Stop where you are now
Me: What? Why?
Marcus: Just stop there!
Me: Ok…alright I’m pulling over
**He hung up**
I pulled over at the spot and alighted from the car. The area was very free; no passer-by and there were bushes all around the area.
A mini-van drove to where I was standing; some guys came out from it and told me to follow them that Marcus sent them and I did. They first drove me to the apartment where they parked the SUV. From there they took me away to heaven knows where.
They stopped about seventeen minutes later and drag me down from the van. We walked a couple of steps before they stopped.
There I saw myself standing in front of Marcus in a thick bush.
Marcus: Here you are
Me: Can I see them?
Marcus: Not so fast **Nodded at his boys**
The boys came ripping off my clothes
Me: What’s going on?!
Marcus: Don’t worry…I’m not going to kill you; sorry for the inconvenience, it’s just for security reasons
Me: A terrorist being security conscious…are you kidding me?
Marcus: You and I know that I’m not a terrorist. I might have been a bad guy but I also take precaution. You even wore a bullet-proof **laughs** that’s smart but unfortunately…I’m not going to shoot you
The guys completely got me naked leaving no piece left on me. They brought a bag and dropped it on the floor beneath my feet.
Marcus: Open it and wear the clothes inside
*I did as he said*
Marcus: Nice dress, it really suites you
****
Marcus: Now!!
Me: What?
I got a very hard hit behind my neck that made me passed out.
I woke up feeling pain around my neck and my sight was somehow blurry. I looked around and found out that I was in an uncompleted building full of spirogyra and all sort of dirt.
Things will be more complicated as I don’t have the tracking devices on me. Now that I’m also missing…how will they find us?

I heard footsteps and looked at the entrance and saw three people coming in with a lady in their middle.
Lady: You’re finally awake
Me: **Shocked** You…?
Lady: Miss me?


TO BE CONTINUED


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Akpos and Okon are roommate in the city.
So one day, Okon borrowed Akpos N8,000 to traveled to his village.
He promised to pay when he comes back in a month time.
One month passed, Okon did not show up.
Two months Okon is still no were to be found.
Akpos got tired of waiting and decided to call him on phone.
Akpos called him 10 times but he refused to pick the call.
Akpos got upset and went straight to a pay phone center.
“Hello! Hello!” says Akpos through the phone
“Who am I on to?” asked Okon
“Is me Akpos, your roommate”
“Hello! I can’t hear you well. Its breaking.”
“Can you hear me now? I have shifted”
“No! I can’t even hear you at all”
“Can you here me?”
“No! just call me later”
“If you like hear me, if you like don’t hear me. I just called to let you know that landlord was here today”
“For what? I thought we have paid him”
“hmm! This one pass rent. He came with her daughter Ekaite and some policemen” says Akpos.
Okon shouted “Are you serious?”.
“For your information, Ekaite is 2 months pregnant for you”
“Jesus! Am finished o o. Akpos please what do I do now?”
“Can you hear me?” asked Akpos.
“YES!!! Very clearly” replied Okon.
“OK, Where is my N8,000?”






NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-06 21:32:13

54837 Views



REAL NAGIC [Read it]


Do u knw that a guy sent me N400 airtime and he got
promoted at work. The next day, a lady sent me N750
airtime and she got engaged to a very rich guy. The
next day, another guy sent me N1500 airtime and he
has been granted a visa to USA. Don't be left out.
Why not send urs now and get ur testimony. The
higher the amount, the bigger the miracle. Don't b
left out. Hurry now b4 I stop collecting..


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-28 15:48:04

317 Views




1st Aadmi : Bhagwan main doctor hoon aur maine logo ki bahot sewa ki hai mujhe swarg mein aane do.


Bhawan: Nahi tum andar nahi aa sakte.


2nd Aadmi: Bhagwan main Brahmin hoon aur maine sari zindagi aapki pooja ki hai mujhe swarg mein aane do.


Bhagwan : Nahi tum bhi andar nahi aa sakte.


3rd Aadmi: Prabhu main shaadi shuda hoon.


Bhagwaan: Bas kar pagle rulayega kya, chal andar swarg mein aaja.Related

formula [Read it]


E get somtin wey dey vex me,wen I dey 200levels 4 skul,my lecturer bin giv me 1 formula say.cosine(a+b)=cosAsinB*sinAcosB.e talk say I go need am calculate current 4 my main course elect/elect as my level goes up.my brother,I don dey d end of my final year oo,I no use am o...D QUestion wat's is d essence of formula wey I no go use?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-12 21:43:10

424 Views




satan entered a church while service was goin on. they asked the ushers to close every door and window so that nobody can escape.they counted the number of the people and they were 150. they told them they would kill 100 nd leave 50 but in alphabetical order. they approached the senior pastor askin wt is ur name nd he reply zachariah zwongina the next pastor said zemmanuel zwilliams. then they approached the elders the 1st one said his name is zaraphath zolomon nd the 2nd one said his is zalade zomorin.the next one said zetunji zolusegun, zesther zimilehin .they approached the choir member and the first chorister out of fair,pointed to the organirt and said his name is abraham ahmadu, the organist screamed.. he is lying my name is zabraham zahmadu... pls house if u are in the church wt will be ur name?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-28 21:16:32

1008 Views




A man enters a restaurant and while sitting at his table, notices a gorgeous woman sitting at another table alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle of champagne to be sent over to her — knowing that if she accepts it, she will be his. The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this is from the gentleman. She looks at the champagne and decides to send a note to the man.
The note reads: “For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million in the bank, and 8 inches in your trousers.”
Well, the man, after reading this note, sends one of his own back to her. It reads:
“Just so you know – I have a Mercedes AND a BMW, and over TEN million in the bank. But not even for YOU, sweet-heart, would I cut 2 inches off my dick. So send back the bottle.”Related

jokes [Read it]


Customer:my wife needs a bra but i don't knw d size.
salesgirl:touch my breast and try to calculate.
customerh i forget she needs panties too.

................................A sexy female employee meets her boss and says sir will you remove somting 4rm my breast?.
boss:wow, what?
girl:ur eyes


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-23 08:14:26

990 Views




You son of a b****, you took my daughters virginity away!

The young man smiles and replies, "Don't worry sir, it won't happen again"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-21 09:32:39

427 Views




Boy: "I got an F in arithmetic."

Father: "Why?"

Boy: "The teacher asked 'How much is 2×3?' and I said '6'"

Father: "But that's right!"

Boy: "Then she asked me 'How much is 3×2?'"

Father: "What's the fucking difference?"

Boy: "That's exactly what I said!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-27 08:08:20

331 Views




HONOURABLE AKPOS
Having tried everything else, Akpos decide to return to his home town to contest as a member of the House of Assembly. The following conversation occur:
PARTY CHAIRMAN: Yes Mr Akpos. What can we do for you?
AKPOS: Thanks Mr Chairman, as a good citizen of my Country, I have decided to represent my people in the House of Representative.
PARTY CHAIRMAN: Can you tell us why you think you are very qualified for this position on our party platform?
AKPOS: Good question sir, I have climbed 1,000 gates higher than the current National Assembly gate.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-30 00:11:28

615 Views



Im Finished [Read it]


The real meaning of I'm finished is when at night you lock the door to kill a snake and then Electricity goes off....... ( DON HENRY)


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-17 08:45:09

297 Views




BLIND BY NATURE EPISODE 3 (STORY BY DINDY)
please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission,thank you for reading this story..........


[WRITER SPEAKS]=> He was on the floor and unconscious,his head was pointing toward the back side of his house,his left leg was on his right leg,his left hand was under his stomach region,his right hand was on the floor close to his waist region,he had blood at the back of his head. The window that hit him at the back of his head was broken at the edge side due to the force it used to hit Celestin on the head,the window fell from its position after Celestin fell,it landed beside Celestin. There was no more coverage at that part of Celestin's house, making the rain which was falling from the west direction according to the wind, to come through that side,and other sides of the windows that were pushed opened by the wind, plus the roof which was even pushed more to one side.although the side which Celestin was, had no protection again the rain,the roof still helped him a little, because it still covers the side he lays.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> The wind blew again changing the direction of the rain, from south to west,and also blowing the roof of Celestin's house out of it's position to the muddy ground below. Celestin's house was no rock,so the rain which it has being absorbing from the past years made it weak and soft. His house was like; a glass cup that was being filled with water,which was at its boiling point. Thunder stroke an apple tree beside Celestin's house,the apple tree which Celestin sees his daily meal from. The apple tree caught fire and it burnt seriously,killing both the sweet juicy apples on it and the leaves,the apple tree puffed out black dark smoke due to the intensity of the fire.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> The fire cut deep down inside the tree causing it to fall apart from its branches. The branches fell to the ground making another stage of fire elimination due to the grasses which were all around the tree. The wind which was blowing from the south pushed the fire which was on the grasses to move forward;making it spread like rashes on human body. The tree beaches continued to fall one after the other, making the fire to Spread round the whole place,the fire spread further to Celestin's house,but luckily for him the roof which fell was on the ground, blocking the fire from getting close to his house.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> The roof was made of weak aluminum,so it was not going to hold the fire's heat for too long,the fire spread towards the other side of the house through the help of both the grasses and the south blowing wind,the grasses at the other side of Celestin's house was lower,so the fire couldn't reach into Celestin's house from that side. The tree was now fully weaken that it broke from the middle, and fell forward to the ground,there was a little muddy pond on which it fell into,splashing mud around and causing the flame on one side of the tree to quench,the other part still carried on burning;like a man on a journey for gold.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> Although the rain was falling heavily,the fire didn't reduce. The fire which was burning close to the aluminum stretched forward through help of the heavy wind that blew, the aluminum began to melt little by little making the fire advance more. The aluminum melted, leaving the house exposed to the hungry fire,the fire got close to the house,it was about to start burning the wooden house, when a part of the house fell,it landed on the fire which was on its path, putting it off,but not the fire which was not on its path,the fire which was not on the fallen wood path started burning the wood,it burnt the wood from the top to the bottom,which was linked to the wooden house.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> The rain was so heavy that the soil began to erode,little particles of sand ran down,reducing support to the house, both in front and at the back. The soil washed downwards by the help of the rain and the slop of the topography,the wooden house began to loose more support on one side of its structure,it made a loud squeaky noise,the squeaky noise became more noisy; like a wood which was joined with another wood with nails,and were being removed from each other by force. As the soil eroded downwards,the fire which was about to burn the wooden house was no longer able to do so,because the erosion became heavy on the side the fire was domination,the erosion was able to put out the fire which was burning close to Celestin's house.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> The side of the wooden house which was about to be engulfed by flame fell out,pulling some parts of the roof with it. It landed on the ground slashing muddy water round the place,the other side of the wooden house which didn't given up the ghost was still there standing;like a man with pride. It was still able to hold the front and the back side of the house.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> The rain was now beating Celestin very seriously;like a cloth which was forgotten under the rain. He was still unconscious,but he didn't know that he was unconscious,he thought he was sleeping,he didn't know the lost that was existing right around him. The wooden house made another squeaky noise from the back side,Celestin's head was right at the position it was about to fall to,the wooden house lost total support at the back,it started falling little by little bending the weak nails that held it together with the other side of the wooden house,it fall right on.....................to be continue......story by dindy.........whatsapp number:07087750433.... [email protected]@gmail.com or [email protected] facebook namessy nnamdi


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Teacher comes to class with a rose in her blouse & asks: What does Roses drink?

Boy: Milk

Teacher: No, roses drink water.

Boy: Oh, I didn’t know the stem is that long.Related

Who love me most (season 2)

episode 22

Dora hasn't try to get close to chidi since the last incident she encounter with him,she knew she was trying to fight something she couldn't win,she felt embarrass over what chidi did to her but she didn't blame him but herself,maybe chidi was right, maybe she put herself too low for him,she then decided to go back to the state's but not without fitting up things with chidi because she felt she wronged him,chidi was nice to her until she tryed to seduce him in his room and even went afar as to comfort amara,she felt quilty for all what she did,she got up very early in the morning to meet up with chidi before he leaves for work,she had done a lot of thinking all through the night and decided to give it a try today,she has made up her mind and she is ready for it,chidi was about entering his car when she approach him.

Dora:good morning chidi

Chidi was surprise to see her that morning,she doesn't usually wake up that early but he never bothered to ask or answered her greeting, instead he gave a a frown.

Chidi :what

Dora:can i have little of your time,please just some minutes

Chidi hesitated but because of the polite manner in which she asked he decided to hear her out,he close the door of his car and rested on it.

Chidi:go on am listening and make it quick.

Dora gave in a deep breath

Dora :i know you feel nothing for me and i know you think am a bad person but I don't blame you for thinking this way because I know i caused it,i know i can never be part of you no matter how hard i try,and no matter what I do but till that can't change the way i feel about you.

Just then tear rolled down her cheek

Dora:i really do love you chidi,right from childhood, i have had a crush on you since i was seven when I first saw you at your dad birthday party in UK so many years ago,i have always wanted to be with you for the rest of my life and that feelings hasn't changed, and nothing can change that,even if i leave you today you will always be in my heart because I have never feel the way i feel for you for anyone,i really do like it that way.

Chidi was touched by her words but he just can't help her,he decided to stay clam with her.

Chidi:is that all

Dora :no

Chidi: go on

Dora :am leaving

Chidi was surprise to hear that

Chidi:for real

Dora:yes Chidi.

Dora went a bit close to chidi and held his hand,chidi let her

Dora:i don't know what more to say but please i don't want you to fight with your mum anymore,i want you to strengthen out things with her because she really do love you and you mean the world to her.

Chidi couldn't believe it was really Dora talking, he try to think he was dreaming but it was so real to him.

Dora :and one more thing,i want you to forgive me for whatever i have done to you,i want to make peace with you before i go because I don't want to create enemity between us,please forgive me am very sorry.

Chidi felt pity for her

Chidi:why are you leaving, i want you to tell me the truth

Dora :if i stay back i might do something stupid because of my jealousy,i really don't want to break whatever you and amara share, i know you love her so much and she love you too,chidi both of you should try and stand by eachother no matter what,people might come against you both but I believe with love you can overcome.

Chidi tryed to get where she was getting out but just couldn't understand her language, but he love what he was hearing, he wouldn't believe it was dora that was really saying this,he smiled at her.

Chidi:i am amazed, i could never have thought you will have wisdom like this, am happy for that you have finally come to reality, you are a nice person no doubt and i have forgiven you,you should also forgive me too for the way i treated you

Dora laughed

Dora :you shouldn't, thanks you so much

Chidi:give me a hug

Dora hug him,

Chidi:hope you are okey now

Dora:yeah I feel more better

Chidi:i have to go now but I promise when I come back we will have alot of things to talk about.

Dora key.

Chidi open the car and drove off,dora was pleased, she has now full fill what she wanted.
Chidi was happy through out that day,he didn't understand the joy he was having and the caused of it but he was just happy,maybe it was dora words that made him so lighten up,as soon as he closed from work he went straight to amara house,on getting there he knocked at the door

Chidi :amara it's me open the door

Amara opened the door and he went in,Amara lock the door,she has always lock her door since she came back to the house and have added another gateman making them two.they were happy to see eachother

Amara :you didn't inform me you were coming

Chidi:how are you

Amara :am okey

Chidi:you look beautiful every passing day

Amara laughed

Amara :are you serious

Chidi:yeah and you know that,so what about our little baby there

Immediately the smile on amara face fled away

Amara :chidi please

Amara went and sat down, chidi sat with her

Chidi:what,am not complaining am i,so you should think about nothing, i love you just the way you are okey

Amara :thanks for being here for me,i really appreciate, but I am always scared

Chidi:about maxwell

Amara :yes,what if he comes back to hurt me or do worse

Chidi:i have been doing thinking about that and i came to the conclusion that you might have to leave here

Amara :to another place

Chidi:you will have to leave the country for a while

Amara was surprise

Chidi:look you really have to be far away from here for the time being until all this is over,at least maxwell can't find you there

Amara :but .....

Chidi took her hands

Chidi:i know what you are afraid of but I will come and visit you i promise and i will be fine.

Amara :so where so you subject i go

Chidi: Canada

Amara didn't live the idea

Amara :but....

Chidi: amara please you have to go,all the preparation has been done,you don't have to worry

Amara was confused

Amara :i don't get you

Chidi :i have been making arrangements for your travelling visa and you are set to leave,you have to go

Amara :as far as it's you,i will go

Chidi smile at her

Chidi:you will be leaving in two days time then

Amara was shocked

Amara :two days,sandra will soon give birth and i want to be here when that happens

Chidi :yes you will be,you will come back when she deliver,i have already discussed it to emma and sandra they love the idea,she want you to leave for now.

Amara :alright

Chidi:don't worry you will be fine.

Amara rested herself on chidi who warmly took her into his arms,he could miss her but he has to let her go for her safety, he just hope all this ends soon.

*********************
TWO WEEKS LATER

Amara was already in Canada, she was living in chidi house in Canada, chidi and amara didn't stop to communicate with eachother, they so much miss themselves. Meanwhile amara parents are very worried about amara, maxwell took them to her apartment and was told she traveled but to where was now the question,maxwell was so angry, he needed to find amara, he hasn't fine time to comfort chidi since he came to his house to mess him up,maxwell convinced Mr and Mrs uche to go to chidi house to ask him about the where about of their daughter which they agreed to.

DORP YOU COMMENTS AND
READ NEXT EPISODE

EPISODE 23

>>

Where there is great doubt, there will be great awakening; small doubt, small awakening, no doubt, no awakening.

~ Zen ProverbRelated

Please kindly ignore any rumours about the
Central Bank of Nigeria(CBN) using my picture on
the new 2000 Naira note to be introduced... Yes,
truly The Government approached me but I
rejected the offer for security reasons. From funny mouth


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-25 19:37:09

336 Views



PASSWORD!! [Read it]


A Husband And Wife bought a new computer and wanted to set up a new password for it.the husband typed MyPenis. the wife fell on the ground laughing.because on the screen it displayed error' it is not long enough............! hit like if you understand


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-25 02:49:40

401 Views



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