Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


EPISODE 14


Although, I initially woke up thinking someone was trying to kill me or something, so i rose up aggressively and pushed the intruder away immediately before i could even know who the person was.

Me: D'thy? what are u trying to do??

Dorothy: Relax Vickie (crawling towards me) I promise i won't scream like i use to

In this kind of situation, i had to insult her harshly so she'll get angry and leave me alone,,, besides, she can't tempt me because i don't like her. Actually, i hate her but i won't admit it because it's not proper to hate someone.

Me: Is this how desperate and cheap u are? do u know why i can't fall for your pleas? it's because i hate u with passion, i hate seeing u entirely because of how cheap u are. You're such a biatch!

Dorothy: What? all these coming out from your mouth Victor? Yea i act like a biatch, i do behave like a whore i know. But do u know i only do that when i'm around u? Go find out about me and get to know the kind of person i am. Go tell them that you've had sex with me and see what their reaction will be like.

Me: What are u trying to say?

Dorothy: No guy has ever kissed me not to mention have sex with me if not u alone. I should proof it? U deflowered me didn't u?

**I didn't say anything,,, but i did what she was asking me**

Dorothy: Answer me (sounding like she wanted to cry) why can't u answer me? How old was i when u deflowered me? I was 17. Although i planned not to do anything like that until i clock 18 but it was u,,, you've always been my crush. Even when u were dating girls anyhow u wanted, i didn't stop liking u, even though i felt bad about it. I broke my 18-years rule the day i had sex with u. I opened my legs for u whenever u wanted thinking it's the only way i could have u for myself, i waited for u to officially ask me to date u but u never did. I'm still intact as u left me,,, I can still give u the chance here and now even if its for a minute to confirm if i'm lieing or not.

**Speechless and confused me**

Dorothy: I'm not a bitch Victor (Now dressing up) I have never been one except to u i guess... thanks for all the insults,,, i brought this upon my self anyway

(Grabbed her hand bag and left)

I didn't know what to say,,,, i dropped back unto the bed to think about the drama that just happened about a minute ago. I think i am the bad guy in this situation,,, i felt terrible. I didn't know about all what she said, I have always seen her as a free giver not sure of who she's given though.

I went to her house the next day, her mother wasn't around and she was in her room with two of her friends who i also thought was in the same category with her, but who am i to judge what i don't know?
I sent her younger brother to call her for me, she sent him back to me that she doesn't want to see me. I sent him back to her again with a message that, I won't leave there until i see her. She eventually showed up about 38 minutes later while i was already enjoying the movie i was watching,,,, "Fast & Furious" to be precise.

Dorothy: What do u want now? or have u come for the continuation of your insults??

Me: Look D'thy...

Dorothy: Call me Dorothy please

Me: All the same, I came here to apologize for everything i did to,,,, I am really sorry. I regretted everything i did.

Dorothy: Are u done?

Me: See,,, I know i messed with u,I abused your feelings, I toiled with your emotions and all that,,,, I regretted my bad deeds towards u and to everyone it affected including myself. I called u names,,, I had the wrong impression about u. It was even the wrong impression i had that developed my anger and dislike towards u. I beg for your forgiveness Dorothy, please forgive me and let's be friends again

Dorothy: Friends again U say? were we ever friends before?? U made me your sex mate and nothing else. U are a devil Victor! U used me, dumped me and then hate me for nothing. What did i ever do to u? is it a crime to give u my body just to get u to love me??! I gave u my everything,,, my body, any money i get i gave to u just for u to love and ask me out,,,, but what did i get? Pregnancy!!

Me: What?

Dorothy: Oh yes u heard me right! I put my life on the line when i had an abortion not to mention the torture i got from my mother. She tortured me for getting pregnant and even dealt with me more, when i couldn't provide the person responsible for it just to protect u. But what did i get? insults!! I overlooked u the other Sunday when U treated me that way, I just reached an understanding that maybe it was the preaching that manifested in u, not knowing that u really hate me.

Me: I'm terribly sorry for everything i put u through,,, I never knew u went through all that. I can imagine the kind of pain you're feeling deep inside your heart right now because of me. I wish there's something i can do to erase the past, but there's nothing i can do but to plead for your forgiveness. (I went down on my knees) please forgive me Dorothy from your loving and humble heart, I beg of u...

**Her eyes was already filled with tears**

She raised me up and hugged me

Dorothy: U really hurt me Victor

Me: I know, and i am very sorry,,,, can i resume calling u D'thy now?

Dorothy: If u wish

We disengaged from the hug,,, I noticed she was trying to draw her head closer to kiss me or something....

Me: So,,, am i forgiven?

Dorothy: Hhmmmm,,,, just partially

Me: Partially? why?

Dorothy: If u want my full forgiveness, U will have to do something for me

Me: Something like?

Dorothy: U don't worry about that, I shall let u know when i'm ready for it

Me: okay...

We talked and gisted about so many things,,, I also confessed blocking her line from calling me. I unblocked her on the spot while we were still talking before her friends showed up from inside.

Dorothy: Oh,,,, I even forgot they're here,,,, Hey girls

Girl1: U try well well no be small

Dorothy: Make una no vex jare. Victor these are my besties, Mirabel and Salome aka Sally Cue

Me: Mirabel?

Dorothy: Yea,,, and Sally Cue.

Me: Okay nice meeting u girls

Mirabel: Nice meeting u too

Sally Cue: It's nice meeting u too
handsome

**Mirabel laid on the couch while Salome abi Sally Cue sat at the other end**

Sally Cue: Msteeeew,,, that's why i hate this chair, i can't watch the TV comfortably

She stood up from where she sat and sat right beside me. I stood up to leave after seating uncomfortably for many minutes.
They eventually let me go after a little debate on why i'm leaving too soon. I got home, continued the story i was reading online. Later on,,, Mirabel and i spoke on phone and i also chatted with Dorothy on whatsapp.

Dorothy: My friend SallyCue seems to like u

Me: Stop the joke please

Dorothy: I'm being serious, she admitted it,,, although i warned her to get her mind off u

Me: Why?

Dorothy: Never mind,,,, what do u have for me?

Me: Nothing o,,, just feeling sleepy

Dorothy: Hhmmm *sad face*

I just sent her a flower then bade her goodnight and went offline.


??? TO BE CONTINUED ???

>>

Bros [Read it]


When ur girlfriend is busy sweating it out in d
kitchen, cooking coconut rice for you, but you're
inside the room chatting with the love of your
life..
Haaa bros you see why thunder must strike you?
#issokay


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-03-27 22:02:47

271 Views




Jaane Do Abb Iss Gusse Ko;

Ishq Ko Toh Bhi Nibhaana Hai.

Gussa Hai Aggar Aashiq Pe;

Toh Kabr Mein Kyun Isse Lajaana Hai!Related


Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.Q: Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter?
A: Yeah, it fits right over her mouth.Q: Why are hangovers better than women?
A: Hangovers will go away.Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: So they can stand closer to the sink.Q: How do you know when a women's about to say something smart?
A: When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't...there's a clock on the oven!I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts:
"I wanna know your name..."Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A: The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!Q: What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business?
A: 1.No mind.
a: 2.No business.The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" and I said, "Dust!"Q: Why do women like intelligent men?
A: Opposites attract.Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a women's sex drive by 90 percent.... Wedding cake!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-07 12:36:04

338 Views



FAKE MONEY [Read it]


Akpos was given fake money and he
went to the police station to report... AKPOS: What kind of nonsense is this? POLICE: Hello Mr. man can we help you? AKPOS: Can you imagine, in this country,
people are just mean! POLICE: Mr. man, you aren't saying
anything. What is the problem. AKPOS: (still boiling). Why are people so
unreasonable and wicked in this
country? I wish I wasn't born in this
country. POLICE: (impatient) listen Mr. man, are
you ready to tell us your problem or you
want to waste our time? AKPOS: Can you imagine, I was given
fake money, fake money yesterday at
my shop. POLICE: So can you recognise the person
that gave you the fake money? AKPOS: How on earth can I do that?
There are hundreds of people who visit
my shop everyday. POLICE: Ok, where is the money. AKPOS: I've spent it!
#BOLLY_SHOW™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-25 13:42:59

213 Views




*****
to quench my curiosity ,I walk up to her , I summon the courage ( being a shy guy)...with a smile ' Hi' I greeted with a cool voice ,
she gave me no reply
me : sister ,its you am greeting na (getting frustrated already)
she still remain mute,to crown her bad attitude she brought out her phone and started doing what I don't even know .
as a sharp guy, I just left her to my seat feeling embarrassed. if I had known I would have ignored her and save myself from this disgrace though I was a bit relieved coz none of my colleagues were in class then..
After few minutes,the bell rang which indicated time for morning devotion(assembly). being the first day ,we do lots of prayers,praises and worship sessions which lasted for 2 hours . few teachers and the principal gave us their boring welcome speech
and advising us to be of good conduct(dia usual story for the gods) . But during the morning assembly ,something caught my attention. it was the new girl ,she was standing at the end of our class queue ,laughing and gisting with one of colleagues whose name was Emeka as if they av known each other for long.

Emeka was the most handsome dude in my class, not only my class but d whole secondary school and this made him famous ,to crown his looks he was the son of wealthy Chief Mr. chukwu.
..him being the only son, he was over pampered and this made him spoilt...having all of this attributes was an advantage as ladies flock around,so he was the flirt type...there has been rumours of him dating some of our female seniors but since no evidence attached, it has been left dat way...ever since he joined our school, we have maintained only casual friendship due to the reason of him not wanting to mingle with the low class( dats what he calls us den)

Seeing him and the new girl together got me so so jealous and angry...I felt inferior and concluded that she was in for the looks in making friends.

''but why this sudden feelings, why was I acting this possessive all of a sudden''... I asked myself with no answer given
' she is not my girlfriend ,so she and her friendship can go to hell ' I said out almost loud with pain and anger.
after the morning devotion, we all went back to our various classes to begin with the day activities..


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Akpos the aboki [Read it]


a day,
principal:why is everybody speaking vanercular?
teacher:i don't know
principal :if anybody speaks vanercular charge the person 100,000
Anytime akpos won't to collect something from someone he talk like a deaf and dump


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-31 16:02:51

423 Views




In that ward was a very heavily pregnant woman sitting on the bed. She was moaning and groaning. Even to my untrained mind, i could tell she was in birth pains. A nurse was beside her, attending to her.
"Here we are. That is why you are here." He said nothing further. The silent was almost a minute long before i found the nerve to talk to him for the first time since my arrival at that house.
"I don't get."
Nightmare seemed to like the sound of my voice, for he broke into an ugly smile.
"Let me explain a few things to you. That woman there is the chosen mother. That which is inside her is the Nirvana. You see, in the year of an eclipse, some special children are born. They come with special souls. Oh! My bad. I forgot to answer the question of what gets done here. You must be really wondering what we do." He paused and stared at me as if trying to be sure i was truely interested in what he had to say next. I kept a bland expression.
"We trade in souls of men." He made it sound like an organizational mission statement.
I must have looked very puzzled, for he immediately went on.
"See, as with everything on this earth, souls come in grades and functionality. Some are stronger than others. Some purer than others. A Nirvana soul is the strongest and purest. It's like the Hope diamond in rarity. The Wizer checks every woman here before she delivers to determine the grade of the soul in her. Make twins have very strong souls. Like a two-in-one. Female twins have very pure souls. The Nirvana is the equivalent of a thousand of both types of twins."
A rarity indeed, i conceded in my mind. So, why am i here?
You probably might have figured the answer out because you know i was supposed to be a Doctor. Remember i was the one in the situation; i didn't know until Nightmare told me.
.
"The nurses said Mother would require a caesarean section before the Nirvana in her can be born. We have never had need of an obstetric surgeon here. The nurses do any caesarean section when required. And the success rate is usually a fifty-fifty. I can't take that chance with the Nirvana. I needed a skilful and experienced hand. My Logistics Manager brought the dossier of available people to me. And quite frankly, yours impressed me the most. Your success rate with this kind of things is amazing. Tomorrow, you will check her out and then you shall perform the caesarean section. We do no major work on the Sabbath, it is a holy day."
He was looking in the direction of Mother or he would have seen my face contort in greater agony than the woman on the bed. How do i start telling him that i knew zilch about obstetrics and surgery? I couldn't think of anything to say. I could not begin to think about what would happen if he knew he was talking to the mechanical engineer twin of an obstetrics surgeon. I had no illusions as to what would happen if he found out i was useless to him.
Beneath that attempt of amiability was pure evil. And where on earth is this place?
.
"Do you have any questions? Oh! All you will need for the procedure is here. Sparkling new and sterile equipments. Any questions?"
i shook my head.
"Fine then, i have to go now. We have quests coming for Communion by evening. I shall be glad to have you seat with me at the table. Go and prepare. He'll come for you when it's time. Happy Sunday's Doc."
.
He inclined his grotesque head as if awaiting a response, when none came, he shrugged and left. My handler led me away. I angrily wondered why Tanganyika didn't choose something more/less useful like Psychiatry as a specialty as i stole a last glance at Mother.
.
In my room, i sat on the bed and began to rack my brain for a plan. I was on that for hours when the door opened. I still couldn't think of any concrete plan.
"It's time. Dress up." Swarthy spoke with an Igbo accent.
.
I did. I was having problems with the bow tie and he came in to help me. It was the first time i noticed he had a bad breath.
He allowed me come behind him as he led the way. We went in mazes till we got to a double door. He opened one for me and ushered me in. I walked in and the beauty of the dinner hall was dumb founding. It was grand. I was taking in the whole place when i felt as if a thousand eyes were staring at me. I remembered i wasn't the only one in the hall and my gaze fell on the people seated at the long table. My eyes widened with shock when i saw the dinner guests...
.
#TO BE CONTINUED...#


Today at the bank, Akpos goes to the ATM
and withdraws all his money. Then goes
inside the same bank and deposits the same
money he withdrew telling the bank officer
that, my money is not safe outside in the
ATM...people are just withdrawing anyhow
and they can end up withdrawing my money.
Keep my money inside the bank.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-26 18:10:12

769 Views




Men and women will retain their sex in heaven.

~ Pope John Paul IIRelated

Little girl [Read it]


A little girl asked her
parents, "Mummy, Dad
dy, both of you, who has
more money?"
The parents answered, "We have our money equal."
The child said, "No, it's lie.
It's Mummy that has more
money than you Daddy.
The Father asked, "Why do you say so?"
The Daughter replied, "Because every time Mummy goes out, she comes back home with shopping bags but everytime you go out you come back home with newspaper.
One Word For This Girl.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-31 08:34:45

619 Views




A Christian Religious Knowledge (CRK) teacher promised that
no one was going to pass her exams since students refused
to attend her class claiming they already know the bible.
She decided to give the class 5 questions…
Question No.1- When Jesus Christ walked on water, how
many feet was the water?
AKPORS: 2 feet. His right and left foot.
Question No.2 – Paul and Silas prayed and sang in prison…
what happened?
AKPORS: The Policemen got tired of their noise and decided
to send them away.
Question No.3 – When Peter denied Jesus, the cock crowed
3 times, Who was the owner of that cock?
AKPORS: It was your husband’s Cock.
Question No.4 – When Satan was tempting Jesus, telling
him to bow, were they standing or sitting?
AKPORS: They were flying.
Question No.5 – The cross Jesus was nailed on, who took it
at the end?
AKPORS: Women that needed firewood
DID AKPORS GET ANY OF THE ANSWERS RIGHT? #B-goF


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-28 07:58:29

391 Views




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NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-06-10 14:35:21

343 Views




I settled down in the sitting room while waiting for
funmi, she came back later in towel to come and pack
their cloth, the guy left with my sister around 2pm. I
was expecting funmi and she kept telling me she was
coming that i shouldn’t be angry, she told me she was
held up with something, at 5pm, i told her she was coming late which means she won’t be going home
that day which she agreed was not a problem as that
was not the first time she will be sleeping over at my
place. My sister came back around 7pm, i was still in the
sitting room expecting funmi, my sister didn’t even
apologize for what happened in the afternoon, we
were just together seeing a Nigerian movie, i was just
glued to my phone dialling funmi’s number, my sister
looked at me and asked why i was worried and i told her not to bother. Funmi later switched off her phone
around 9pm, i was so disappointed and didn’t know
what to do again. My sister later change to her night wear as we were
still in sitting room, she thought my mind was on the
movie rather i had already started thinking of what i
saw in the afternoon and how my deek will look like
inside my elder sister’s pusssy, what sucking her big
breast will look like and what are moaning will look like under me. I went inside my room, picked two tablet of sleeping
tablet i have in my drawer, grind them inside a paper, i
went back to the sitting room with a glass of wine, it
was just a coincidence when my sister asked me to
pass her the wine and a glass cup as she was already
sleeping but the movie we are seeing is so interesting that she doesn’t want to miss it. She pour the wine and
started drinking, i thought she will ask me to help her
but i was disappointed when she did it herself, there
was no way i could pour my stuff inside her drink. I was happy when she excused herself to the toilet, i
quickly pour little content inside it before she rushed
back, i excused myself to my room to wait for like
30minutes. I put off all my cloth after about
30minutes and went out unclad with my deek
dangling in between my thigh, i got to the sitting room and saw my sister’s eyes close, i moved by her
side to confirm if she was asleep, i raised her hand up
but i was surprised when she said “yes, what do you
want Rahman”, i quickly stepped back because i was
already naked. I was walking back to my room, when i felt a hand on
my back, i turned back and it was my sister, she held
my deek and within two minutes, we had sex together
and she slept off after like an hour. It was my sister’s
cry that woke me up the following morning; she was
by the bed crying as we were both still unclad. She started lamenting why i had to do what i did, even if
she was drunk, i am a guy and i should have been able
to control myself, i was her junior brother for crying
out loud and we have committed a great taboo. I was stunned with what i heard from her, was it that
the drug didn’t work? What exactly happened? I told
her i was sorry for what happened that it wasn’t
intentional, told her i was drunk too as i was expecting
funmi that yesterday who later disappointed me. I told
her to forgive me and make it a secret between ourselves, never to let anybody hear about it and try as
much as possible to avoid that kind of situation. She told me she was drunk in other to forget what
happened to her yesterday, she said would i believe
that the guy that came visiting yesterday was already
married with a kid? She said the guy has been
disturbing her for a relationship for more than
6month. She was one of their bank customer then from coming to the bank, they exchange phone
number and became friends, he started disturbing her
ever since then. She gave him a nod just about two weeks ago after
Taofeek her fiancée has started misbehaving by not
showing concern over a long period and what broke
the relationship was a day he called taofeek and it was
a lady that picked his supposes fiancée call by 11pm in
the night. So, she decided to give another guy a try so that she won’t lose even if Taofeek called it off with
her. She gave in to the guy two weeks ago and he
already promised her marriage within a week and she
thought she was serious too not until they both went
to flower garden today and a lady showed up with a
three year old boy scattering everywhere. The lady dragged the guy away from flower garden in his car
and he abandoned her there, she was so embarrassed
as people started abusing her as husband snatcher and
calling her different names. She said she was home with that thought, was just
thinking about so many things and for the fact that
she felt so cheap knowing fully well that the guy had
sex with her earlier in the day, she said that was the
first time she will be together with the guy all alone in
the room, she was running away from having sex with the guy that was why she invited her to our house
instead of going to his place, she didn’t know how he
manipulated her or sweet talk her into having sex with
her in the sitting room, it was my arrival that brought
her back to her senses and when they entered inside
her room and started crying, the guy was apologizing and promised her heaven and earth that she will never
disappoint her or cheat on her, he promised that he
was dating her for marriage purpose and she was so
relaxed after hearing all that from the guy. She apologized for what happened with the guy in the
sitting room and also sorry for luring me into having
sex with her, she said it was all her fault that we had
sex, she urged me to find a place in my heart to
forgive her and never let any soul hear about it. She
said she can’t continue to stay in the house as we can be sleeping and waking up under the same roof with
the thought that we had sex each other. The best thing
to avoid any other disaster was for either of us to
move out of the house and the person will be her as i
was the owner of the house.

>>

Banks [Read it]


Akpos sent the following letter this morning:I have been dating her for over four months now and everything was going fine until this morning when I decided to invite her to my place. And she came!


When we were together, her phone rang but she refused to pick her call, and I ask her why she didn’t pick, she said nothing.


I checked who was calling her, I saw ‘Sterling Bank calling’, and I begged her to pick, maybe the bank wants to give her money.


After that another call entered, ‘GTB calling’, she ignored it, UBA followed, and I picked it but the person didn’t talk so I cut the call.


A minute later, First Bank call entered, she put it on hold, when Zenith Bank called, she shouted at Zenith Bank.


An hour later, one call entered her phone singing a Lionel Richie song, I check and I saw ‘Central Bank’ ( CBN), she picked it and answered the call sweetly.


Later when I asked her, she said that her Uncle who is working there was the one that wished to speak with her through the office line.


Few minutes later, World Bank call entered and she was so happy to pick the call. After she had finished receiving the call I picked up my phone to flash her number. Guess what I saw? Community Bank


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-13 21:36:58

300 Views




Old But Funny..

Pappu darwaze ki bell bjane ki koshish kr Rha tha..

.

.

.

1 buzurg ne dekha or bell bajadi or bola:” Beta Aur Kuch.. ??

.

.

.

.

.

.

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.

.

Pappu:” Ab bhag buddhe Pata nhi kis ka ghar hai…

Thoko Like pappu k liyeRelated

CURIOSITY [Read it]


A curious youn man walks into the restaraunt and placed his order before the waiter.As his meal arrived, he started eating.Not long the only white man who sat at the other end attracted his ateention.This white man had finished eaten, and called the waiter to know how much it was.The waiter told him and he shouted ''aaah!''.he paid and left.The next 3 subsequent days, the same thing kept happening.The whiteman always shout aaahh!before paying the bill. This young man wanted to know what kind of food could make someone scream after eating it.So on this fateful day, he went to the waiter asked:
MAN: Do u remember that white man that comes here to eat?
WAITER: Yes . european fried rice, chicken and red indian wine
MAN: Give 2 plates of those.
The man ate the two plates of european rice, chicken and 2 bootles of red indian wine.But he didn't scream.He waited, yet no screamings.He then ordered for a plate more. Yet no show.He ordered for extra, nothing happened.He got disappointed and decided to call the waiter to place give his bill.
WAITER: Sir, each plate of european fried rice is 15,000 and you ate three and half plates; which is 52, 500. a plate of chicken is 2000 and you ate 3 and extra; that is7000.the wine is 10,000 and u drank 4 bottles, that is 40,000.So, your money is.........
MAN: AAHHH! Aahhhaa! Ahhhh! Ahhh! Aahhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-13 22:00:00

306 Views



Silly Akpos [Read it]


One day Akpos and John were watching T.V
when the news came on, showing a man
standing on a bridge about to commit
suicide, suddenlyAkpos said "I'll bet N500 that
the guy won't jump off", John said I bet N500
that he will jump. Unfortunately for Akpos the
man jumped off the bridge, Akpos accepted
his fate and stretched forth the money but
John didn't take it, saying "I can't take the
money coz I cheated, I already saw the news
this morning" but Akpos insisted and said "no
you can take it, I cheated too, I also watched
the news this morning, I just didn't know the
guy will be silly enough to jump again!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-01 15:30:48

577 Views



THANK YOU ALL [Read it]


@Kasieze.Linda.Lucy.Luda.Dera.Peterchris.Gala Mouth.Bethni.Breny.Mc Olu Sustain.Squash.Chibuzo.Cudioe Gwen.Famous.Placid.Damarsu.Pwinxe.A J C.Oliseh4real And Others...You Are The Ones That Made Me Like This Place...Kudos To You All


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-18 14:06:47

173 Views




NAMELESS (EPISODE FIFTEEN) STORIES DA VIBA
Please do not share without taking permission from us, thanks for reading.
:
:
He promised her to be present. She will be performing a song with her best friend titled 'Nameless'.
"Esther be fast!!" Godson yelled from his car, as he wondered what it is with women and their dressing which tends to take longer than normal.
"Am coming," Miriam responded from the building, coming out of the house with Esther who was looking lavishly in his sumptuous attire.
"What kept you so long?, you know we are already late", Godson said igniting the car.
"You should be talking to your daughter Juliet who is head bent on frustrating me with her oppositions", Miriam said joking.
"That's my Girl!!?", Godson said rubbing Juliet's hair gently.
"So that's all you have to say?," Miriam said rolling her eyes while the trio laughed.
"So you don't know that you are already old, not like us who has Youngblood circulating through our veins", Godson teased moving the car out of The compound.
"Dad, but you look older than mom, you have wrinkles on your face, even hairs" Little juliet mouthed.
"My baby tell him, he is already fond of saying it, despite being a grandpapa", Esther added.
"Ok i have heard, you guys have won, Birds of the same blood flock together", Godson said as they all laughed including Juliet who giggled.
***************************************************************************************
Adam's family was busy preparing for Boy's graduation ceremony, Making sure he was dressed nicely. Mr Adam and his wife is no exception grinded in expensive dresses, that gave out their wealthy Morphology.
"Honey before we go, i have to tell you something", She told her husband as they prepared for the ceremony.
"What is it?, did something bad happen?", Adam asked looking puzzled by what his wife wanted to tell him.
"Our family doctor came yesterday", she said.
"Then what happened?", he urged her to continue.
"I'm Three months gone, honey!!".
"I didn't hear you correctly", Adam said with doubts.
"I'm pregnant!!", she yelled smiling.
She couldn't finish before adam carries her off the ground, she laid in his hands smiling shyly before Boy stepped in.
"Come here!!", Adam said dropping his wife as they hugged each other.
They finished dressing up before going for the graduation. Mask of happiness could be viewed through their faces.
This story is brought to you by Stories Da Viba and was written by;
1). Nonsegzy
2). Evybliss
3). Princeprezide
4). Dindy
5). Blexxybaby
6). Nelly
Watch out for episode 16, your comments are needed... Please like our page on facebook "Stories Da Viba".



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shooting cans [Read it]


This man walks into a gun shop and asks to buy a gun. The gun

shop owner asks, “What for?” He says, “To shoot some cans.” So

he walks away with the gun.
He comes back the next day and asks for a bigger gun claiming he

still has more cans to shoot. He walks away with the bigger gun.
Again he comes back the next day demanding a bigger gun. Now the

gun shop owner is curious and asks, “What cans are you shooting

sir?” He replies, “AmeriCANS, JaimaCANS, AfriCANS…”


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-14 09:15:32

292 Views



NATIVE DOCTOR [Read it]


A church member went to a native
doctor to get some charms. As he was
sneaking in so that nobody will see him,
he was very surprised to see his pastor
there. Startled, he asked the pastor,
"What are you doing here sir?!" The pastor beckoned on him, "Keep
your voice low, the bishop is inside with
the native doctor."
#?BOLLY_SMART?™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-21 07:25:07

558 Views




After some seconds of deep thinking, i
heaved
a sigh and drew closer to Chioma.
“baby i have to go and urinate. I’ll be
back shortly” i whispered to her, equally
signalling to
Jboy at the same time to follow me.
Together Jboy and i went outside for a
little
talk. I showed him the text from Mary, biting
my lips with regret.
“too bad” Jboy frowned, shaking his
head in
deep thought.
“how did such a mess happen?” he asked curiously, while i wasted no time in
giving him
the details of the sex i had with Mary
weeks
ago.
“gosh if not handled appropriately, this can ruin
the beautiful relationship you are
enjoying with
Chioma. Chia” he hissed with concern.
“what do i do?. I’m so confused” i asked
seriously, breathing quickly as i looked forward
to a solution from him.
“there are two sides to this situation.
Either
she’s is lying to get you or telling the
truth” he murmured thoughtfully.
“but i advise you let today pass before
calling to
speak to her. That will make her think
twice
about the effectiveness of her text {message}”
he advised, while i nodded in
agreement.
My initial plan was to call the silly girl
in order
to confirm the text she sent to me, but Jboy
was a professional in such matters and
so I had
to go by his suggestion.
Chioma followed me home that fateful
evening, and for the first time opened herself to
me,
offering all she had to me. Her sweet,
slender,
attractive body was all mine, but
unfortunately i wasn’t in the right frame of mind for
sex. All
that was in my head was Mary’s image. I
was so
miserable and lost that Chioma soon
noticed my lost appearance.
“what’s wrong with you?. Don’t tell me
you
havn’t kissed or made love to a woman
before?.
Why are you trembling before my nakedness?.
Don’t you like what you are seeing?” she
curiously asked with alarm clearly
written all
over her. I murmured a quick apology,
grabbed her right bosom and sucked on it, while
my
other hand played on her second bosom.
I really had dreamt so much of making
great
love to her, but when i finally got the opportunity, i wasn’t fit to perform very
well. I
felt like telling her the truth, sharing my
problems with her but just couldn’t.
Mary was my cross, mine alone to carry.
I never knew a player’s life could be so sweet
and bitter
at the same time. I was ready to quit,
ready to
face life in an honest way and settle
down with Chioma. Only if God would make my
outrageous sin with Mary go away.

>>

Crashing on my bed, i sighed hard raging storms of hard fear, rippled confusion surged through me. I was lost in more than one way.

I stared blankly at my room, the whole set was changed and different this time. My disney bedspread was now been replaced by a plain white sheet, the mattress was harder papa probably changed that too pending my arrival.

The curtains were all different, the paint now wearing a crisp blue look with cream edgings and an immaculate white ceiling with a loosely hung ceiling fan.

“What dah heck is Amanda doing here?”
“And is that child the baby she was pregnant with?”
“what exactly is going on, papa and Jessy never mentioned this to me?”

I wouldn’t deny the fact that i was afraid and lost, i had thought Amanda was my past that i have escaped, my life was finally in order and now here it is, the past glaring at me.
My mind raced back to dinner, a stale, bleak and alien dinner to me.

Amanda had actually been the one that came to call me for dinner, the way her eyes ran all of me from head to toe wearing a smirk as she announced i should come to the dinning for dinner.

She haven’t changed a bit, seemed to me she even improved her looks. Her face only wore 5percent difference from what i remembered but still maintained the beauty and appeal.

Her boobs was remarkably still as firm as it was before seeing that she was only wearing a tank top which made it obvious that she had no bra on.

Her waist region were a bit broader than before been flowed into a relatively sized thigh she wrapped in a white leggings.
In all Amanda was still the goddess i remember.

Going down to the dinning. Amanda, jessy and papa ate and talked like everything was normal. raising topics and jokes mingled in resounding laughter that seemed to make me even more lost, tensed and confused than i was.

I stole glances at both jessy and papa with my facial expression wearing a lot of questions, don’t even know if they noticed i was even there with them on the dinning.
It felt like a whole new planet to me, before my eyes a nollywood movie is being played out and i cant help but watch in utter confusion.

I left the dinning room after eating as much as i could endure as the food hardly went down my throat. I eyed Jessy then thanked papa and Amanda before going up to my room.

“Sky are you here?” Jessy’s voice sipped into my ears snapping me out of my blankness.
Jolting up i pulled jessy to my side like we were quarrelling.

“What is she doing here?”
“why is she here?”
“what brought her here?”
“How did she come back here?”

I poured out on Jessy sounding more like i was pleading than questions.
“Hey calm down” Jessy said letting out a wild chuckle..
“Jessy just tell me already” i retorted betraying a lot of fear and confusion that swayed around me, looking into Jessy’s eyes almost asking why they all betrayed me like this.

“Sky its a long story” she began “After you left, papa have been taking care of Amanda through out the period she was pregnant.

After Amanda was delivered of a baby boy, papa said no blood son of his will have to grow up not knowing him so he had to ask Amanda for the baby.” She stopped and took a quick glance at me, she could see how blank my face was and how impatience made me wince because of her pause.

“Amanda refused and said her baby will never live in a home without her.
That she intends to marry again and move on with her life but her baby is going with her anywhere she goes”

I nodded slightly and could almost hear myself say “Good, that’s better so why didn’t she, what then is she doing here?”
Jessy seeming to have read my mind smiled weakly and continued.

“Papa had given it a thought for many weeks, judging from the fact that they had a court marriage before he brought her home. Amanda had threatened to file a divorce suit.

Papa couldn’t bear such scandal or relinquish his claim to the child so he had to bring her back again as his wife but its sorely for the sake of that little baby” She tried to sound as much encouraging as possible to snap me out of any feeling of insecurity i might be having.

“Jessy i have a really bad feeling about this” I finally said after minutes of silence mopping at Jessy.

Right there, my past is back to haunt me for real this time and my nemesis is staring at me.

..To be Continued..

Are u with me?

>>

Conversation [Read it]


Boy: helo my baby
girl: helo my sweetheart
boy:how are you doing?
girl: i am fine but i am feeling somehow
boy: how do you mean you are fine and feeling somehow at the same time?
Girl: i don't know how to explain it
boy: explain what?
Girl: About that
boy: I don't understand
girl: You should
the boy got worried. He thought his girlfriend is pregnant. He ask her in a lovely voice
boy: baby please tell me what the problem is, i am worried already
girl: my sweetheart, is because the cocroach has penetrated.
The boy fainted








NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-07 10:05:50

995 Views



short replies [Read it]


I've you ever wondered why many girls use smileys and short replies when chatting nowadays? Seriously, I have come to realize why most girls do.

I was chatting with this babe yesterday and I was Like...

ME: How are you dear?
GIRL: 5n.
ME: How was your day?
GIRL: 5n.
ME: How is your family?
GIRL: 5n.
ME: Are you missing me?
GIRL: No.
ME: But I'm missing you
GIRL: Tanks.
ME: I'm not feeling well
GIRL: Sowi
ME: So how was ya day?
GIRL: 5n.
ME: are you busy?
GIRL: No
ME: Are you with someone over there?
GIRL: No.
ME: What? Why don't you type something interesting instead of sending me short replies?
GIRL: K
ME: Type something now!
GIRL: K
ME: Ok! Ok so its true.
GIRL: Dat wat?
ME: I've heard you failed your English exams...
GIRL: Who telled you? It is unpossible! I sawed the resalt yestarday... I passed away.
ME: OMG... That's ok. You can use smileys and short replies please!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-11 06:49:38

438 Views



child naming [Read it]


Pls help in naming diz baby coz d parent no knw wetin dem go call am







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-07 08:24:48

562 Views




Gosh!.. Ive really messed up!! ?? I saw a sister
last night and i decided to give her a lift in my
car. As the car
was moving, i placed my hand on the sister's
laps pretending i was looking for the gear lever.
The sister looked at me and said; "Matthew
chapter 7 verse 7" and I quickly removed my
hand. After a short time, I placed my hand again
on the sister's lap and the sister said to me again
"matthew7 verse 7" i nervously removed my
hand.The sister reached her destination and got
off the car, and she looked at me again and said
"So you don't read your Bible!" And when i got
home, I opened my Bible to Matthew 7verse7 and
it says"ASK AND IT SHALL BE GIVEN UNTO
YOU"... Suddenly, i shouted; Oh! Ive fucked up!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-19 01:17:54

647 Views




Banta: If a lion attacks your mother-in-law and your wife, whom would you save?

Santa: The lion, of course!Related

Dear Justin Biber haters,

.

.

.

Plzz respect heeeeer…

I owe my life to justin.

.

.

On march 9th,2011

I was in a coma for 6

months

after a terrible car

crash.

.

.

.

.

.

One day my nurse

turned the

.

.

.

radio to justin’s song,

So I got up, . . .

.

.

.

.

.

.

And turned the radio

off. ???? ????Related

Motion Sickness [Read it]


Santa and Banta are discussing the possibility of love. “I thought I was in love three times,” Santa says.
“Thought…?” Banta asks. “What do you mean?”
“Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me,” Santa says.
“Wasn’t that love?” Banta asks.
“No, that was obsession,” Santa explains. “Then two years ago, I cared very deeply for an attractive woman who didn’t understand me.”
“Wasn’t that love?” asks Banta.
“No, that was lust,” Santa replies. “And just last year, I met a woman while I was on a cruise. She was gorgeous, intelligent, a great conversationalist and had a super sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her on that ship, I would get a very strange sensation in the pit of my stomach.”
“Well, wasn’t that love,” asks Banta.
“No. That was motion sickness!” Santa replies.Related

akpos n victor working in the zoo .: General Jokes 

A graduate of zoology from a Nigerian university was having difficulty in finding a job. He saw an advert in one of the daily newspaper for a job at a zoo. In the interview, the manager told him that their gorilla which had been tourists’ attraction had died so they needed someone to dress up and pretend to be like a gorilla. The graduate was embarrassed, but since the salary was ok, he accepted the job. The first day, he put on the gorilla skin and entered the cage, he started jumping up and down, beating his chest and roaring like a gorilla. The next day, he put on the gorilla skin and started moving around the zoo again and mistakenly entered another cage where he found himself staring at a lion. The lion roared and rushed towards him. The scared graduate quickly forgot that he was a gorilla and started shouting like a human, “Help! Help!” The lion leaped on him, knocked him to the ground and whispered in his ear, “Victor, it’s me Akpors, your course mate. Shut up or we’ll both lose our jobs


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-29 16:34:14

400 Views



X mass wahala [Read it]


It's Xmas wahala,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ugochukwu's phone is ringing, ...
Ugochukwu : hey baby, how u doing? 
Baby: Am not fine. 
Ugochukwu : Ah what's wrong baby? 
Baby: I need #25000 for all my Christmas things, ,... 
Ugochukwu: This is ugo's voicemail.
 Press 1 to end this call ,press 2 to call back later, press 3 to drop a message, ..thanks. ..........lol


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-01 22:20:15

402 Views




Phone beeps(whatsapp message)rnAde; hello sweedy, hw r u doing?rnG.F; am fine. Buh can u do me a favour?rnAde: hmmmm... Anything for my angelrnG.F: k. Can u give me 15k?rnAde: (frowns)what for?rnG.F: 5k for my hair, 7k for my outfit, 3k for my nails.rnAde: ok. I will give it to u straight away, my love. #kissesrnG.F: WOAHHHrrr!!! Thanks u so much honey.rnAde: dnt mention. Oya take it: k k k k k k k k k k k k k k k. Count it. Its complete. Oya take 3 more for marykay nd underwears k k k. Dnt mind bringing back change okay? Tak dis 1k for transport. rnHahahahahahahahahaaa abeg drop ur likes n comment.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-06-03 03:31:29

504 Views




A beautiful young woman, on an international flight, asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"rn

rn
"Of course you may. What can I do for you?"rn

rn
"Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I`m afraid that they`ll confiscate it from me. Is there anyway that you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"rn

rn
"Would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie."rn

rn
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."rn

rn
When they got to Customs, the young lady let the priest go ahead of her. The Customs Officer asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"rn

rn
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."rn

rn
The Officer thought this answer strange, so he asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"rn

rn
"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, till date, unused."rn

rn
Roaring with laughter, the Officer said, "God bless you, Father, go ahead."


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2014-12-08 06:12:51

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"What?!"Angela screamed in disbelief.Her hands were trembling and she lost hold of her phone.The phone fell to the ground,with the sobbing voice of Mike still coming from it.

"What's going on?"David asked.

Angela quickly picked up the phone.

"Mike what are you saying? What happened? She wasn't sick"Angela jabbed,trying not to believe it but equally aware that death isn't something anybody would joke with.

"We just returned from sharing our wedding invitation cards and she said she wanted to rest and laid down sleeping.Later on, in her sleep i heard her pleading for her life,saying she would bring the lady for the sacrifice.Before i ran to her to wake her up,she was no gone"Mike cried like a baby on the phone.

"Oh noo.God whyyy? Whyyy now that something good is about coming her way?"Angela pulled at her hair,her ever ready tears wetted her face.

"Ebere is dead"She told the inquisitive David who kept demanding to know what happened,and rushed to her wardrobe to change up.


"I'm coming with you"David called after her as she hurriedly made for the door.


David's car pulled into Mike's compound.Angela didn't even wait for him to park well before she came down from the car,leaving the door open.
People were already there.Some were trooping in in-twos and threes while some were going out.

Mike was being comforted at one corner by his friends.

"Where is Baby?"Angela rushed at Mike,who was more hurt than anyone else.He was crying and shedding tears.Something he couldn't remember when last he did.

"Take it easy,"One of Mike's friend urged her,"she is still inside.The ambulance is yet to come"

Angela ran inside to see her.She wanted to see for herself before believing.She wanted to see her and tell her "Baby,wake up Angel is here" if she ignores her,that would tell her that it was really happening.A reality,not a dream.
But when she shook her,calling her all the sweet names she new and she just lay there,speechless,cold shivers ran through her.Ebere was stiff.She felt she was shaking a log of wood,not her own Ebere.It then dawned on her that she was gone.Gone for life.

Angela threw herself to the ground,crying out her eyes.She couldn't believe Ebere was gone.Gone to the land of no return.Forever.

David,who followed her every move came and consoled her,seeing it purely on her that she was truly hurt by the demise of her friend.

"No amount of crying can bring her back now.Don't throw yourself to the ground again please.Have you forgotten that you are pregnant?"David easily pulled her up from the ground.

Few minutes later,the ambulance came and Ebere's corpse was taken to the mortuary.Angela watched with great fear,in David's arms,how Ebere's corpse was taken down from the ambulance.
She looked into the large room and saw uncountable number of dead people lying there.Soon,her friend would join them.
She saw the little note written at the entrace which read"WE WERE ONCE LIKE YOU.ONE DAY,YOU WILL BE LIKE US" Angela shook her head but it was the real fact.



____
"shine bright like a diamond"

"shine bright like a diamond"

Angela was still brooding in the bedroom when her phone rang.She ignored it.Since David was now at home,waiting for call up from his company due to the suspension he got for missing work for days without asking for permission,he offered to do the cooking and made her promise him should would not cry again.He never expected such a sad incident to happen today of all days.Today that his wife discovered she was pregnant.He expected she would be full of happiness and smiles but things had turned the opposite way.
He had asked Angela the essence of crying for someone whom attempted killing her but the question kind of got her angry.Poor David had to apologise.

The phone did not stop ringing.Angela wiped her tears and reached for it.It was her father.

"Good afternoon Dad"She spoke into the phone,trying really hard to make her voice sound normal.

"Good afternoon my Angel.This one you are sounding like this,what happened? Have you been crying?"Mr.uwa asked.

"Dad.Ebere is dead"She announced coldly.

"what? What happened to her.I thought her marriage in coming up in few days time?"Mr.uwa asked,not believing her ears.

Angela couldn't say anything else.Making him come up with the reason why he called.

"Please i need you to come over immediately.I think there is something you need to know.Its a good news"He said.

"Alright Dad"Angela responded before the line went dead.

To Be Continued...

Catch the LAST two episode tomorrow.
Thank you all for your comments yesterday.
I thought i could finish it today but i got only 28 comments.

More comments pls

>>

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BREAKING NEWS [Read it]


BREAKING NEWS:the federal government of nigeria has announced that today is thursday 25th of june 2015,and tomorrow is Friday 26th of june 2015..thanks for listening..no public holiday


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2015-06-25 14:22:25

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