Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Zippor: no he didn't picked Zuriel over you;try and understand him
Isabella: understand him that he prefer Zuriel over me
Zippor: no because for seventeen years that boy had lived with him;he had grown to love him and treated him like his son and all of a sudden someone comes and says that he is the father of that same boy. every good father will never let go of his son just like that
Isabella: are you taking his side?go on take side with him
Zippor: i am not;why would i do that?i just want to let you know that;no reasonable father will give up his son that easily
Isabella: really?have i not lived with that man;your father for same period of time;did he give me up that easily?go on asked me
Zippor: yes;he did because he is not a reasonable father.i am telling you all this things because i want you to be a good person
Isabella: just admit it;you are happy that you found your real sibling
Zippor: will you stop this foolishness?do you think i will be able to take it?don't you think i am also sad?the fact that i don't want to sound selfish that doesn't mean i am not hurt;for this passed three years i have grown to you like a real sister but every time,i try to see reason with you;you ended up hurting me;i am feeling worthless;even now that you have find out the truth;i feel more despair because its so clear that l meant nothing to you;with the way you are acting;it show that you are ready to let go of everything and give me up so easily (tears roll eyes)excuse me(exit Zippor)
Isabella: Zippor;hold on;that is not what i meant. oh God;what have come over me
Ada: Zuriel;lets go home;your mom as been calling you
Zuriel: go home;i just don't feel like going
Ada: its getting late;your mom will be worried sick about you
Zuriel: she is not my mother
Ada: stop saying that(Ada text Zeal their where about)
Zuriel: i just cant imagine that the man i hate so badly is the one feel like piercing a sword through his heart;the one i said so many bad things about;the one that is so cruel and heartless. that i cant stand his whole being is my biological father and to so say i am the cause of all Isabella's predicament is one big nightmare
Ada: no;you are not at fault(enter Zeal)
Zuriel: i am such a cruel person;first,i deprive her of the opportunity to be with her real family;i made her live with my monster of a father and then got raped my own brother;which turned out to be her brother;i am so mean to her,that every time i am around her something bad happen to her and even my own mother;which is her real mother hate her all because of me;i am evil and up till now i am still hurting here

Ada: but how?
Zuriel: i see the pains in her eyes when her own parent still want me for a son
Ada: it is only natural that your parent still want you because for seventeen years you live with them
Zuriel: that is not enough;i just want to see her happy
Zeal: son
Zuriel: please stop calling me your son
Zeal: are you going to turn your back on me?are you going to leave me now that i needed you most because i am not your real father?is it because i didn't cause your birth?is it because i am not a perfect father?when you know you are the only son i have left,go on leave me(tears roll his eyes)everyone;leave me,yes i can
Zuriel: dad
Zeal: go on replace me;i wouldn't mind
Zuriel: dad;that is not true;no one can replace you;is just that i want you to do;what is right?
Zeal: don't worry son;if its Isabella;i will get her back but i wouldn't let you go
Zuriel: dad
Zeal: please;if you still love me;then come with me
Zuriel: alright;fine
Zeal: come on;lets go and you too(to Ada)shall we?(curtain)
Katherina: why as dad not come home for two days now and his number is not going through
Lola: i think;we should inform Zippor(Zippor/Isabella)thank goodness ;you are here;we haven't seen dad since two days
Zippor: relax Lola,dad is fine;just let him be
Katherina: what did you been dad is fine(enter Mark) go on tell us
Mark: your dad was arrested
Isabella: dad is at the police station;why?
Mark: your father arrested all of us but this morning the officer in charge set i and his wife free but refuse to let go of your dad and his son
Isabella: what?
Lola: wait;i don't understand;you found your biological parent
Katherina: and next thing you could do is to tell your father that dad is molesting you and for what?so that they could imprison him?
Isabella: but that is not true Katherina: just quiet and get out of our house(she pushed her)go;leave;we do not need you
Zippor: will you stop acting like a baby
Katherina: go on take side with her(she pushed him)and turn your back on your father for a girl that is not even related to you

Lola: Katherina
Katherina: don't Katherina me(tears roll Isabella's eyes)
Zippor: no leave her let her talk;after your stupid father maltreated her;he still have the boldness to go that same house of the man he hurt his daughter and you expect the man to do nothing;he deserve whatever treatment he mended out to him and you stop bothering me with your father issues. Isabella lets go
Mark: your dad needs you all;he is up against a strong man and a wealthy one at that,so you all should try as much as possible to go see him
Katherina: yes sir;Lola,go in and address up;so we can go see dad
Lola: alright;excuse me(exit Katherina/Lola and returned)
Zippor: Isabella;lets go home;what are you still waiting for?
Isabella: are we not going to see dad?
Zippor: what for?
Lola: brother;you mean you are not coming with us?
Zippor: i don't get you;to go and do what?visit the man that doesn't like me;thank God;he has another son now;so he doesn't need me
Lola: dad had another son?
Zippor: don't asked me;go asked your dad
Katherina: just let him be;shall we?
Mark: come on;go with them;please;i beg you
Zippor: alright fine;i will

Isabella: thank you(curtain)
Ada: thank goodness;mom;you are back
Alice: thank you
Obedient: welcome mom;where is Obed?
Alice: dad;didn't release him(enter Zeal)
Ada: but why?
Zeal: is simply because he raped my daughter
Obedient: but dad(enter Zuriel)
Zeal: don't you dare;call me dad;your brother will remain there forever;so don't you dare patronized me
Zuriel: good day sir
Zeal: how are you?(enter Melisa)
Zuriel: i am good;i just want to step out
Zeal: to do what?
Zuriel: i just need time alone
Melisa: son please; come eat something
Zuriel: thank you but i am not hungry
Melisa: son please
Zuriel: stop calling me your son;we are not related right;i thought you love me;but no;you don't. what kind of a mother will deprive the one she say she loved the right of been with his real parent?tell me?is that love;deep down in you;you know that love doesn't look for its interest but every single love you show me;i felt like i was a thief;reaping where i did not sow;like you love me because you under obligation to
Melisa: that is not true(she cried)
Zuriel: don't pushed it;if you want your daughter back don't feel guilty just go for her;excuse me(exit Zuriel)
Zeal: that is enough;you should pull yourself together and keep your strength to face your daughter
Melisa: i don't want any other child;i want my son
Zeal: then suite yourself(exit Zeal)
Melisa: i want my son;Zuriel forgive me
Obedient: mother is alright
Melisa: tell Zuriel to forgive me(tears roll Alice's eyes)i want my son
Ada: don't worry;he will come back to you
Melisa: i just hope so(curtain)
Katherina: dad;how are you?
Joab: i am okay but is just so hard coming back to this stupid place,i thought i wouldn't come back to this place again
Lola: dad;don't worry;we will get you out of here
Joab: i know;i will get out of here and i will make sure;i returned with your brother
Katherina: how did you find him?how does he look like?what is his name?
Joab: you met him already and by the way;where is Zippor?have you inform him?
Lola: yes dad(enter Zippor/Isabella)
Zippor: good day sir
Joab: how are you son?have you returned home? have you been able to talk to your brother(enter Zeal)go on talk to me
Zippor: there is nothing to talk about because the last time;i check; you didn't sent me on any such errand
Isabella: Zippor
Joab: don't act like you are not happy that i am here
Isabella: dad;that is not true;don't worry i will do anything to make sure you get out of this place
Joab: will you keep your gutter shut and what are you doing here?leave and i don't want to see you again
Isabella: dad;i know you are angry because you are in this place
Joab: don't pity me;i don't need it from you;so get out(he pushed her)go leave
Isabella: father
Joab: don't you dare;i am not your father;none of my children will make me end up in this God forsaken place
Isabella: i am sorry dad;please forgive me;even if i did hurt you without knowing;please forgive me;dad,please i beg you just don't let me go. if you really love me;dad please fight for me(she held his hand) i beg you(he pull his hand from his)
Joab: get out;i will never love you(tears roll Zeal's eyes)go away(she cried)
Zippor: that is enough;let just go
Isabella: no;i don't want to dad(she hugged him)i will never leave you until i see those love;you had at first for me in your eyes(he pull her hand from his)
Joab: go to your father
Zippor: come off it;don't beg for his love because he doesn't deserve it.he is a worthless man(he slapped Zippor) go on hurt me;i am use to it and for a very long time,i have stop seeing you as my father because you are a stranger to me(he turn to leave)
Joab: son come back here and you it will never be well with you
Isabella: dad
Joab: i said leave
Katherina: are you that stupid;go away leave us alone and go stay with your rich dad;go;i said get out(she ran out)
Lola: Katherina;you are wicked;very wicked;Isabella is still our sister;no matter what;i still love her and i will never watch dad insult or assault her anymore (she turn to leave)
Katherina: where are you going?
Lola: to my sister and brother;they need me
Joab: will you come back here
Lola: don't try to stop me because i wouldn't(exit Lola)
Joab: you see;how this stupid girl is turning my family against me and you? (Zeal punch him)hey;man(they fought and police separated them)
Zeal: this is just the crescendo,let me go(exit Zeal)
Isabella: sorry father
Zeal: is okay(curtain)
Lola: is enough;Isabella
Isabella: am i that bad?
Zippor: not at all
Isabella: then why do everyone hate me
Zippor: no;not everyone. i love you and so do Lola
Lola: yes we do(enter Zeal)
Isabella: i am not talking about you two;why don't my dad love me?(Zeal held her shoulder)
Zeal: i love you and you are my daughter (she hugged him)i love you;even when you are not my daughter;talk more that i find out that i am your father(he wiped her tears) i am sorry;forgive me;my baby for not been able to take care of you
Isabella: thank you but its better that we just remain the way we are
Zeal: i got hurt anytime my kids get hurt;so please come with me;so that I can make things right
Isabella: i don't understand
Zeal: please;come with me to my house so that i can be a good father to you;please i beg you(tears roll his eyes)
Isabella: that is enough;i will go with you
Lola: what?
Zeal: are you really going with me?
Isabella: yes;i hate to see you sad and like i told you;i don't want you to be sad and grumpy because you are a king
Zeal: thank you very much;so can we go now and pack your things
Isabella: of cause(they drove there)come on,lets go inside
Zeal: thank you my daughter;go in and pack your things
Isabella: Zippor;lets go inside
Zippor: don't worry;go ahead;i will join you in a few minutes;go on sir;join her and please help her pack you
Zeal: alright;what about you young lady?
Isabella: come on Lola
Lola: don't worry;just go on
Isabella: come on sir;lets go in
Zeal: alright(exit Zeal/Isabella) baby;can i asked for something from you?
Isabella: sure;anything for you
Zeal: can you please call me dad?
Isabella: just that(she laughed)
Zeal: yes
Isabella: is okay;dad(they both laughed)dad;for this passed three years;all i wish for;is to jumped at my real dad's body;to say hello dad;hi dad;was up dad;kissed him good morning and evening kisses when he return(she kissed him)hug him really tight(she hugged him)sit on his laps;i really have a dad
Zeal: you are funny;come here(he hugged her)
Isabella: dad;is my turn to asked a favor from you
Zeal: shot;anything for my sweetie
Isabella: dad;can i come with my brother?please dad;just let him come with me;all my life i have life with him;he is my breath;if he is not there with me;then i cant live,i don't want to be separated from him but if its not okay with you,fine by me. i will just stay
Zeal: is okay;if that is what you want? then let him come with us because i really do not know how to repay him back for all that he had for you
Isabella: so dad;is a yes from you?
Zeal: of cause
Isabella: oh thank you dad;i love you;i will just go and tell him the good news;thank you dad(she hugged him and ran out)
Zeal: funny girl





read more


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BRILLIANT AKPOS [Read it]


TEACHER: Who can Prove that 2/10 = 2! JESSICA: This a wrong question. BOATENG: There's no way that is
possible. DAVID: It can't be proven. AKPOS: I can solve it very easily sir, Two/Ten = wo/en ( T with T cancel ) w = 23rd letter
o = 15th letter
e = 5th letter
n = 14th letter So,
23 +15 / 5 +14 = 38 / 19 = 2 The Answer is 2 sir.
#BOLLY_SMART™®


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2016-04-29 11:13:02

441 Views




Laloo Yadav’s car is driving along a backcountry road on the way back to Patna, when all of a sudden a piglet jumps out in front of the car. The piglet dies on the spot. Laloo, upset, tells the chauffeur to go find the owner of the piglet so that he can pay the damages. The driver is gone for two hours and when he comes back, he has a bag full of money, and a wondering look on his face. Laloo wants to know what happened.

The driver tells him “Hum jab gaanv me pahuncha to dekha kuchh log ped ke niche baithe hain. Jub hum unko bataya ki kya hua hai, tab sare log jama ho gaye. Humko laga ki aaj to hamari pitayee hogee. Par hum dekha ki sare log paisa jama kar rahe hain. Hum socha ki ye sara paisa wo janvar ke malik ke liye hai. Par un logo ne saara paisa hamein de diya.”

Laloo says “Sasoor ka natee, Theek theek batao. Tum unko kya bola tha?”

The driver replies “Hum kaha ki hum Laloo Yadav ka driver hoon aur hum sooar ka bachcha ko maar diya hoonRelated

Ancient myth:

If your right ear itches, someone is speaking well of you. If your left ear itches, someone is speaking ill of you.Related

Interview [Read it]


Interview between a Kenyan immigrant & d consular at d Embassy.....Interview Starts... 


OFFICER:- what is your name?


MUZO:- M.P sir
                            
OFFICER:- In full please


MUZO:- Muzo Phiri


OFFICER:- your father's name?


MUZO:- M.P sir


OFFICER:- what does that mean?


MUZO:- Melvin Phiri


OFFICER:- your native place?


MUZO: M.P sir


OFFICER:- what's that?


MUZO:- Muchinga Province


OFFICER:- what is your qualification?


MUZO:- M.P


OFFICER:- (angry) what is thaat?!!!


MUZO:- Mathematics Professor


OFFICER:- so why do you need a job?


MUZO:- it is because of M.P sir


OFFICER: meaning?


MUZO:- Money Problems


OFFICER:- would you explain yourself and stop wasting my time? What's your personality like?


MUZO: MP sir.


OFFICER: and what is that?
MUZO:- Marvelous Personality


OFFICER:- I see... I will get back to you.


MUZO:- sir, how was M.P sir? 


OFFICER:- and what's that again?


MUZO:- My Performance.


OFFICER:- I think u are an M.P


MUZO:- m.e.a.n.i.n.g?


OFFICER:- Mental Patient! 
 Lol, I sent dis cos u all are M.P. ask me d aning


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2015-07-01 08:28:03

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Sir Isaac Newton died as a virgin.Related

Interview: After 100 days in office by Buhari, have you seen any changes as promised?
Akpos: Yes.
Interviewer: in which aspect.
Akpos: in my office.
Interviewer: interesting, where do you work?
Akpos: Federal Ministry of works.
Interviewer: So what are the changes.
Akpos: During the previous administration, my Director use to share money with some contractors on a round table but now they hide under the table to share


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2015-09-03 20:06:24

2589 Views



MARA episode 4 [Read it]


I am thirty-nine years old now and our marriage would be seventeen years in three months’ time.
This news from the medical doctor would definitely spark fire when my husband comes to hear of it.
Pregnant?
After 6 children?
How did it even happen?
My husband worked with a quarry in Mararaba, near Abuja and while he lived far away, we had lived from hand to mouth.
I had presented my certificate to different educational sectors but despite my wonderful 1st class result, I had never been accepted!
Never did any of them call me back for interview- not even the budding private schools!
It was frustrating!
The only things I could do well with my hands were hairstyling, frying of chinchin and hand embroidery of clothes.
And those were the source of income for feeding the half a dozen children that I had.
The money my husband made per month was up to 50,000 but he never dropped a dime at home.
The only thing he brings back at the end of the month when he visited would not be more than Kulikuli, kilishi and masa (Corn flour cake) plus bread- sometimes!
You are ten weeks pregnant! That the doctor said was like a death sentence because, the last time my husband met with me was ten weeks ago and that was after about 2 months sexual break!
Why would pregnancy just result within that short period of time?
Why wouldn’t pregnancy visit the rich, barren wife of our Reverend in church? —probably because she is stingy!
She would come to the small stall in front of my house and start pricing my wraps of chinchin!
Uku amsin! (Three for #50)
Uku amsin!
Uku amsin!
Those were the words that come out of her mouth every time to the extent that my children had nicknamed her Mummy Uku Amsin!
Why must it be me and not her?
Not after the very stern warning from my husband that if I get pregnant again, he would throw me out.
How would I tell him?
Exactly how would I tell him that after so much period of sex starvation, the one time he met with me was in my ovulation period and that it resulted into pregnancy?
How?
As I held my purse- the house of all the money I had in the world (#4000+) close to my chest, a car drove to my side suddenly and I outstretched my right hand, spread my palm and cursed
“Waka!” I said suddenly, very frightened
“Glory!” I heard the driver called and I knew who it was.
The only person who called me Glory was my neighbor Hasiya. Since she couldn’t pronounce Ogooluwa perfectly, I gave her the option of the English meaning- Glory!
“Hasiya, it’s you” I said, smiling faintly
“Yes it’s me. Come in” she said but she was not smiling at all.
What was the problem?
She was always smiling happily whenever she saw me but now, her face looked sad.
I turned and sat on the front seat.
“I hope there is no problem” I said, looking intently into her face.
“That would be a lie if I said so” she said as she drove off.
My heart started beating fast.
What could the problem be?
She had turned back to Kasuwa (market) side instead of going to Agwan-Biri where we lived and I wondered what was wrong.
I had the ability of maintaining my calm and dying in silence, so I was going to do same here.
I would wait till she showed me what it was!
My headache had started on a serious level!
She drove to a halt in front of one of the communication stores and she looked into my face.
She held my hands together and my anxiety heightened!
The veins at the side of my head were fighting hard to be heard and noticed.
“I saw this and I felt that if I didn’t let you see it too, it wouldn’t tell well of me” she said as she pointed at the other side of the road.
I turned to look at the direction she pointed at and lo and behold! …
It just couldn’t be true!
As my heart jumped anxiously as if to leave the cage holding it, I closed my eyes in shame and embarrassment!
“It is well Glory ko? I don’t even know what to say. Sanu….yakuri!” she begged me on, trying her utmost to console me.
The first time we spoke together was when I was seven years ago when I was in the pregnancy of my last twins and my husband kept kicking my tummy as if to put an end to the growing fetus!
She had rushed out of her gigantic mansion that midnight just to come in between the fight!
She was drawn to my beauty and that of my twins- 3 sets of twins!
She was dazed also at my spoken English and she wondered what was wrong!
Since then, whenever she had one thing or the other, she would give to me to help my children.
It was however heartbreaking that my last-born- the boy twins were seated on the ground with some ill-looking children, holding plastic plates and singing the Al-majiri song.
Al-majiri!
Al-majiri!
My own children!
Just 7 years old o!
Begging for money
I didn’t know what to do.
Was I supposed to cross the road and beat them?
Or was I supposed to turn back and go home?
Or what?
I was so stranded as to what to do!
If for real God really exists, why is this happening to me? Why has my life never been full of happiness?
Why have I always been a Mara?
Why has my portion always been bitterness?
Why?
Oh why?

TBC


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Funny Proverbs. [Read it]


Funny Proverbs From The Nigerian Legendary Film Actor Pete Edochie.
1. The little opportunity given to a monkey to wear cloths, does not guarantee it to join the dinning table.
2. Girls are like mangoes, while you are waiting for them to be ripe, others are eating them with salt.
3. Whoever presents his own head to break coconut would not be able to partake in the eating of it.
4. A man who hangs around a beautiful girl without saying a word ends up fetching water for guests at her wedding.
5. A man who counts his money after withdrawing from the ATM has trust issues.
6. If something that was going to chop off your head only knocked off your cap, you should be grateful.
7. When a girl has beauty without Brains, the Private parts suffer the most.
8. Having a Female as a Best friend is like having Chicken for a pet, You will eat it some day.
9. The wolf on the hill is not as hungry as the wolf climbing the hill.
10. Never let negative and toxic people rent space in your head. Raise the rent & kick them out.
11. Life goes on, Even if you don't want it to.
12. Drinking garri doesn't mean you're poor but allowing it to swell before drinking is poverty.
13. The buttocks are like a married couple though there is constant friction between them, they will still love and live together.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-11 11:06:07

403 Views




Lia narrates

We were about to eat when five masked men burst into our dining room aiming guns at us. We parents and I stated at each other in utter confusion and fear.

“Get down”, one of the mask men ordered as we still stood still in confusion.

“Are you deaf?, get down or I’ll blow your brains off!”, the mask man who had earlier spoken barked out again. Without much ado, we dropped to our knees visibly shaken as our eyes pleaded for our lives.
They proceeded to the parlour and carted away our electronics while disorganising the house as I urinated on my panties out of fear. They turned the dining tables and chairs upside down before leaving while pointing guns at us. Everything happened like a dream. That I was alive with my family was a miracle or that I wasn’t raped was something I was grateful to Allah for.
About 20 minutes later the house was full with dozens of neighbours who had heard the gunshots were around along with the police who kept on asking annoying questions. One of the police got me so angry when he asked if I had not purposely brought the robbers in to buttress my innocence in the previous murder case. Another police man asked me if i knew how the thieves passed through the dogs without them barking. He was right in a way because it was surprising our two trained dogs didn’t bark which is quite since they do bark even if a rat pass by talk less of humans. My daddy had got angry and ask him to go back to Police Academy.

7:38 am Akande’s house
“Daddy! mummy! come out and see, the dogs are dead”, I cried out.

“My daughter, kilode phaa?, what is it omo mi?”, mother rushed out together with my dad.

“Ricky and Rocky is dead dad, they are dead”, I disclosed to them sobbing. Their mood also turned sour instantly since Ricky and Rocky were nice dogs and great companions but now they were gone to soon.

“Wait! What’s that?”, dad asked no one in particular as he got closer to Rocky, one of the dogs. “Is this not blood?”, dad asked again.

“Yes, it is dad!”, I replied still sobbing and surprised at the same time since I’ve not seen the blood earlier.

“What did you give them to eat?”, my dad asked.

“The rice we were to eat in the afternoon”, I replied getting scared as I thought we were all having the same thoughts but hid it in our minds.

+++++++++++++++++

In less than 30 minutes, a Vet Doctor we had called came to exam the dogs’ corpses.

“The dogs were poisoned”, he said after checking up the dogs.

“Poison?”, my parents and I exclaimed simultaneously as what we all had in mind was now reality.

“Suhanalah!, so you
mean the rice was poisoned?”, my dad asked the Vet Doctor.

“Yes Sir, it was poisoned with one of the most dangerous poison in the world known as Arsenic”, the Vet Doctor explained, “The poison was highly concentrated in the rice”, he added as we all stared onto space overwhelmed by the spur of the moment.

We all went back inside after the Vet Doc and the police men left unable to talk to each other. Though the police left two of their men to guard the house after the Dija’s dad, Minister’s order to do so. We were all hungry but could not eat as per instructions from the police men and Vet Doc not to eat anything at home for now. I couldn’t sleep alone either as I followed my dad and mum to sleep there. Mum and dad were also visibly afraid, even the police men outside couldn’t keep our fears away, but there was nothing we could do but keep on depending on Allah who saved a family of three today.

I thought about all that has happened both yesterday and today, it started from Bode’s mysterious appearance, Ele’s arrest, someone framing me for murder, attempt to poison my family by Rhoda, the armed robbers who attacked us. All this was certainly not a coincidence. For Rhoda to have the effrontery to attempt to poison us despite all we had done for her, it must mean the enemy is close. There’s a popular saying that “without an enemy from within, no enemy from without can succeed”. To me, the enemy has eaten more than he or she can chew. The enemy will meet his or her waterloo soon Insha Allah. In the midst of my distant thoughts, I drifted into a sound sleep lying in the middle of our parents.

———————————————————————-
Imabong narrates

I was walking to meet my husband in the living room as my thoughts traveled wide, my mind hasn’t been at rest these days. Are this things happening recently the symptoms of the bad days coming or not?. No one seems to care about he answer. My husband has showed a nonchalant attitude towards the issues and he has warned me seriously against telling anyone even our son Ele.

Though pastor keeps encouraging me but I’m still scared for my son, only mothers would understand me well enough.
“Good afternoon Sir”, I greeted my husband who was laughing as something he was reading in the news paper was amusing.

“I.D, afternoon, this one you came to see me in the parlour this afternoon, hope there is not problem o or have God gone on strike?”, he asked sarcastically.

“Don’t say that kind of thing against God my dear, in order to avoid God’s wrath”, I cautioned my husband.

“You’re so funny, I’m better that most people who go to church only because its a ritual but do the opposite of what they hear, even pastors now do not practice what they preach, if God wants to punish us on the judgement days, you fake Christians will stay inside the fire while we Tradochristains will stay around the fire because we’re far better than you frauds”, my hubby mockingly disclaim the Christians.

“May God forgive you and have mercy on you”, I prayed as my naive husband laughed hysterically.

“Anyway I came for something very important dear”, I quickly said interrupting his laughter.

“Yes, I guess so, what’s it I.D?”, my husband ask quickly switching to a serious mood to my satisfaction.

“Its about our son Ele”, I revealed a I watched his expression.

“Yes, what about him?”, I asked, me curiously to my satisfaction.

“Today is March 27, 2019”, I replied.

“What’s wrong with it”, he asked to my annoyance.

“How can you forget something so important, in a year’s time, the first bad day grandma predicted will occur”, I reminded him getting angered.

“So what do you want me to do?, why can’t you wait for that day to come huh?”, he asked fuming in anger.

“You mean we should wait for something dangerous to happen to our son before without doing something about it?, I asked in complimentary anger , “what’s the danger in seeking spiritual solutions since the problem itself is spiritual? What’s the big deal in informing Ele after all he isn’t a kid anymore, haven’t you the recent happenings around him?, why are you so nonchalant about this issue?”, I tried to talk sense into my hubby’s head.

“Woman!, are you shouting on me now?,” he asked getting close to me, “are you the only one that cares about Ele?, what’s the problem with you women self?, a possessed woman uttered strange things and you’re taking it far, I just hope you haven’t start meeting people and uttering rubbish or else you will have yourself to blame*, he said vomiting every harsh word he could from his mouth before walking out of the living room as I stared at his retreating figure in extreme despair.

I flashed back to the time before Ledan married me, he had been posted to serve in my Akwa Ibom, where he lived close to us seen me then. I had ignored him several times but as the desperate and smart young guy my husband was, he became friends with my father by regularly washing his car and cleaning his shoes whole bringing palm wine and collar for my dad at night. My father loved him so dearly that he couldn’t do without having him around when he’s at home. One thing led to another and I had to leave my rich and handsome suitors who came for me for a young cops member with a legion marks. My husband was the perfect gentle man then, he would sweep my compounds, provide for my siblings every needs, and even wash my undies.

Back to the present, by husband has become an Adolf Hitler in every sense of the man. I never knew the manner of man he was then. I’ll do all my possible best to protect my Ele. God so help me.

————————————————————
Khadijat narrates

I was thinking so hard of what to do. Having being released from the hospital about a week ago, I thought everything was almost settled until dad called me one afternoon and told me I was grounded for a month. The reason was because he had found out about all my misdemeanors after ordering a secret investigation, being my daddy, he had silently close the case in order not to affect his bid to become the State’s Governor next year. My phone was seized from me while I was locked in my room with guards all over the house as I was told to reflect on my self.

I hadn’t had contact with Ele nor my boys for a week now. I had to do something fast before Lia gets to meet with Ele. Then I thought of a plan. I waited till the maid came to serve breakfast. I convince her to help me distract the guards as I will pay her triple her salary for the next three months. She reluctantly accepted.

Our maid called the guards together and told them oga had sent them a special meal, they all gathered in the living room to collect their token while I used that opportunity to escape, thankfully the gateman wasn’t at the gate as I opened the gate and walked down the street before stopping a motorcycle on the road.

I arrived Ele’s house but couldn’t go in. I tipped the gateman who was my partner in crime #2000 as he went in to get Ele for me. Ele came out in no time. He appeared relieved to see me as he hugged me so tight.

“Ouch, do you want to kill me?”, I asked feigning pains.

“I’m sorry Dija , I almost forgot you got stabbed dear”, he said with a seemingly pleading face.

“Its alright, we don’t have much time, lets get a cab to Makoni restaurant in Ologuneru”, I said as Ele looked at me in confusion.

“Why?, what for?”, he asked back to back questions in confusion.

“Pleaseeeeeeee nah, let’s get there first”, i pleaded like a desperado.

“Okay, if you say so”, he finally succumbed to my pleas as we stopped a taxi as we zoomed of to our destination.

++++++++++++++++
20 minutes later

We sat down looking at ourselves eating gently and slowly without saying anything to each other.

“Ele!”, I called out finally breaking the silence.

“Yes”, he answered expectantly.

“From the first day I saw you in the exam hall, I fell at first sight, that you didn’t have eyes for me hurt so bad, that you went for my friend who was so harsh to you hurt more, that you eventually started dating her hurt the most, but I decided to hold my feelings in in other to prevent many troubles, and I vowed I’ll do everything to make you happy to protect you, but I can no longer hold it in, I love you Ele, I love you with so so so so much with a passion stronger than any feeling ever existed, I love you without reserve, my love for you is beyond even any supernatural imaginations, yea, that’s how much I love you, beyond words expression, and that’s why I want you to be my lover, Ele will you be my lover?”, I said kneeling down in the middle of Makoni restaurant to everyone’s surprise including myself since I haven’t kneeled to anyone before not even my parents.
Ele stood up in extreme shock. I was so sure he was flabbergasted by my action but, I’ve gone so low before now just to get him, so this one was nothing to me.

“Yes.. Yes…yes..yes”, the small crowd in the restaurant chorus for Ele to accept as some others did the Nigerian thing by taken shots like paparazzis.

“Man, I wish I was as lucky as you when I was younger”, a middle aged man told Ele patting him his back.

“Yes.. I’ll be your lover…yes yes”, my new boyfriend said while hugging me simultaneously in an almost teary voice as the small audience around us clapped and took shots.


You’re the treasure that I seek
You were close to and I did not know,
The love that I seek for many years was right beside me but I could not see….


My Ele was singing in his characteristic manner as he walked me out of the restaurant.

“My sunshine”, I called my Ele.

“Nkemo”, Ele called me making me blush, “what do we tell Lia?”, Ele asked in a worried tone as I frowned which he understood and quickly dropped the topic.

Ele was right though, i haven’t thought of what what tell Lia, but i know ill find something to say. All I needed to do now was enjoy this glorious moment in my life history with my sunshine.
+++++++++++++++++

I got home 2 hours later after Ele accepted me. I decided to walk straight into my house because the worst my dad could do was to scold me. I walked into the parlour to see my daddy pacing around why the guards were bent face down.

“where are you coming from? What’s this?, why are you bent on disgracing me?”, my dad asked pointing to his phone showing me a video of me on YouTube asking Ele out.

“I was acting a movie dad”, my chat brain quickly came to the rescue.

“Really?, why didn’t you tell me before?”, my dad asked, “this will be good for my election next year if you become a movie child star”, he quickly added smiling. Of course he would, he always cared about his own self alone.

I’ll make sure I do everything in my powers to make sure he loose the election next year, I thought to myself.

“I wanted to tell you but you turned deaf ears to whatever I wanted to say”, I explained.

“You’re now free my dear daughter, you’re no longer grounded, make sure you do well in the movie and make dad proud.
+++++++++++++++++

In the evening of that same day, I got a message from Lia asking to meet in a store outside my house. I got prepared and went immediately to the supposed store.

“Good evening besty”, Lia greeted

“Evening dear, how have you been?”. I cordially replied.

“I’ve been good compared to you who got injured while trying to save Ele and was also grounded for two weeks”, Li’s revealed as I gave a fake blush, “Ele told me of you guys this afternoon when he we sent me a break up message”, she quickly added without allowing me reply.

“I’m sorry besty, I has feelings for Ele from day one but I kept it to myself knowing you also liked him him but I couldn’t hold it in any longer”, I tried to explain to Lia sobbing.

“I understand besty but I won’t give up on Ele neither will I give up on you”, she said confidently stunning me with her words. I must confess I was a little shaking.

“But why would you still want to be my best friend after all I’ve done to you?”, I asked her expertly avoiding bringing up Ele again.

“Because friendship is the same as love, in fact friendship is another word for love, just as true love is scarce, true friendship is also scarce, but I have a true friend in you”, Lia explained bringing tears to my eyes as i gave her a sincere hug. She was just too perfect and angelic, the more reason why I loathe her so.

—————————————————————
Ele narrates

I was sitting in our parlour watching a Korean movie with Franco when a message came in. It reads;

I AM NOW FREE FROM YOU
BUT NOT REALLY FREE
BECAUSE MY MEMORIES OF US SUFFOCATES ME,
I TRY TO FLASH THOSE MEMORIES AWAY BUT THEY STILL DASH BACK INTO MY HEAD,
NO MATTER WHAT, I WILL KEEP ON LOVING YOU TILL I CEASE TO BREATHE
I WILL NEVER GIVE UP ON YOU.
MUCH LOVE FROM QUEENCY TO ELE.

I wept but it was to late to mend. How I wish I had at least given her a listening ear.
.
.
.
.
.
.
sorry guys for the delay in updating...
our school has started
I had back-to-back exams from Monday to Thursday(today)
hope me sins are forgiven?


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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I MISS YOU MUM EPISODE 10 (STORY BY DINDY)

Please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this story...

.......PRESENTLY......
I stood under the shower which was already on. Water came down on me.
I stood there for quite a while, after my flashbacks.
"Neil Neil, come out from the bathroom, I wanna bath", said my little bro. My little bro was now 5 going to 6, and his annoying attitude had increased.
I said nothing to him, I just looked at the door while I scrubbed my body with a sponge and bathing soap.
I started feeling cold as i bath, so I had to wash down fast. After washing down, I took my toothbrush which was on the "Wall of toothbrush" --we keep both toothbrushes and toothpaste there and it was my mum that came up with the idea and name "Wall of toothbrush"--.
I applied the toothpaste to my brush, then I began to brush my teeth slowly. After I was done with washing down and brushing my teeth, I took the towel I hung on the cotton and tied it around my waist.
When I stepped out of the bathroom, I saw the stubborn brat (my little bro).
"[Childishly] bro Neil you took so much time in the bathroom and now the time is 6.20. The school bus will soon be here", he said --we changed school after my mum's death)--.
I didn't say a single word, but in my mind I was like "See this small boy talking anyhow. You are lucky that I don't have your time today".
I placed my two hands on my shoulders in a "X" form because I was kinda feeling cold, then i walked back to my room.
On getting to my room, I met my old man (dad). He was going to my room to drop or give or probably tell me something very important.
"Neil, we are expecting a visitor today", he said.
"Who's the visitor?", I asked.
"If I tell you, it won't be a surprise or would it?", he asked.
"No sir, it won't", I replied.
"Then wait until the visitor comes and here, take this money for your needs", he said.
When I saw the cash, I became warm, the cold I felt left me instantly.
"Oh thanks dad", I said in a joyful tone.
He walked back to his room, while I counted the cash he gave me.
"Wow, dad gave me five thousand naira", i said to myself, as i smiled walking into my room.
"This is unbelievable, dad gave me 5000 naira just for me to take care of my needs", I said to myself sitting on my bed.
"This is great, now all the things I wanna buy will be bought with this money" I said.
Since the death of my mum, my dad shower's me with love all the time, although he acts strict sometimes, due to anger and some other things, but he still loves me more than ever.
I sat on my bed, looking at the money, when I heard the school bus horning, I looked at the time and it was 7.05am.
"JESUS, I'm dead!", I shouted.
"How did the time fly so fast, maybe I didn't keep track of time when I was brushing and talking to my dad", I said with disbelief in my mind.
I quickly dropped the money inside my bag, then I took out my uniform from my closest and wore it quickly. My books were scattered on my table --I read at night and forgot to arrange my books back in my bag--.
The school bus horned again, then I looked out the window and saw my little bro going inside the bus.
"Oh shit, how did this boy bath so quickly and dressed up so fast, under a few minutes. The bus will leave me here, damn!", I said to myself.
The bus driver, pushed the bus's horn again.
"The bus will surely leave and I will have to transport myself to school, it won't be nice because of the traffic I would face", I said to myself.
I went to get my bag from where I hung it, then I went to my table and pushed all my books plus pen into my bag. My belt and white socks, where already on my bed waiting for me to pick them up, while my shoes where beside the door's entrance of my room.
I moved like the wind, as i walked passed my bed, my right hand scooped down to pick up my belt and socks, then I made my next move to the door.
When I got to the door, I hung both my belt and socks on my shoulder, then bent down with my left hand on the door handle. My right hand picked up my shoe.
Immediately I stood up, i moved my left hand downwards and turned the handle of my door with forceful speed.
The horn sounded again.
"Oh! Shit!", I said as I ran off.
I jumped down the stairs (no time for walking), then ran to the parlour. On getting there, I met my aunty.
"Neil wait, take your money for school", she said.
I stoped and she gave me the money. I heard the school bus engine rolling. Without any excitation, I ran off to meet the school bus.
The bus was out side my area, so I ran to catch up with the bus.
When i got outside my area, I ran to the side of the bus, close to the driver's side.
"Wait wait wait for me!!!", I shouted.
Luckily for me, the bus driver knew me very well. He stoped for me --I guess he saw me with the side mirror--, then opened the bus's door.
"Junior, what took you so long?", he asked.
"I am sorry sir, I didn't keep track of time", I replied.
"Ok, come in", he said.
I walked into the bus, like an holy angel with my shoes, socks and belt on my hand and shoulder. When I got inside, I sat down gently and began to wear my belt, shoe and socks.
Later in the evening that same day, while I was still in school, my mind went back to what my dad said to me, in the morning about a visitor.
"But why didn't he just tell me the visitor's name?", I asked myself aloud without noticing.
"Junior are you ok? why are you talking to yourself", said one of my school friends.
"Guy nothing, I was just thinking of something", I replied looking at his face.
"Ok, just know that madness begins like that", he said.
I laughed, then said "Dude you're not serious at all, crazy boy".
Time came for us to go home, but something happened. A senior boy in SSS 3 was caught smoking in the toilet, so the principle called us out to the assembly ground.
The boy's name was Kelly, he was one of the school's bad boys. He always gets into trouble and ends up escaping, but that day his luck ran out of sight for him.
We all were at the assembly ground murmuring, when the principle came with Kelly. Kelly walked behind the principle like a prisoner who had been jailed for years.
When we saw the principle, we all kept quite.
"I'm sure you guys know Kelly", he said.
"Yes sir!!!", we all replied with a very loud voice.
"Well, he has broken the school's law again, but this time he won't escape. He will be expelled from this school", he said.
Mr Segun (Our head teacher) came with a cain in his hand, Kelly was flogged 12 times on his back. Some students laughed at him, some where just talking about how he did what he did and how he was caught.
After mr Segun flogged Kelly, the principle said "[Angrily] Now kelly take your bag and leave this school. We have tried to change you, but since you have proven to us that you're a useless kid, then we're no more interested in changing you or your foolish and bad behaviour."
"From now hence forth, you are no more a student of this great school, now leave this school!!", he ordered with an angry bold voice.
kelly took his bag, which was lying on the ground looking dirty, like a mechanic's cloth. Kelly walked slowly to the school's gate, with his head bent down in disgrace.
We all looked at him, some did murmur and some were laughing. After he left my principle made a statement.
"I hope you guys have learnt from his mistake, never you follow bad group or else you will live to regret it in life", he said.
"Kelly was one of our bright student, he was the top and the best, but since he joined bad boys, his life turned to something else", he said.
"Now let this stand as a warning to all you bad and unlawful student in this school, the day you will be caught doing things against the school's law, you will be expelled", he said
"Now you guys can go home", he said.
We all moved out of the assembly ground, with some student talking about Kelly and his behaviours.
I went to where the school bus was packed and I entered. I saw where my little bro sat, so went to sit beside him.
Minutes later, more student came in and the bus became full, then we left.
After 30mins of siting in the school bus, i got home hoping to meet the visitor. When I went in, I met my greatest surprise, I saw my sweet little sister.
--Since my mum's death, my little sister was taken away from us because my mum's people believe that my dad won't properly take good care of her.--
She had already grown so much (she was two going to three), her face, her hair and her smile was just like my mum's.
I couldn't hold my joy inside too much, my face brighten up to her presence.
"Chidinma!" (My little sister was named after my mum), I shouted with joy in my soul and a little tear in my eyes. --I missed her so much-- She looked at me.
I walked up to her in a fast motion and bent down to carry her, my little bro came in and started asking questions and questions --That boy knows how to interfere in matter that doesn't matter or concerns him at all--.
"Chidinma see brother Neil", said my aunty.
I carried my little sis.
"You look just like mum", I said to her with a smile on my face.
Later that same day, was the most amazing evening of my life. I felt my mum's presence right there where I stood.
It was as if I was carrying my mum, not my little sis.
It had been up to an hour, since I came back from school and all through, I carried my little sis and as I was playing with her, she polluted.
"[Laughing] Damn girl", I said laughing.
I looked around, but didn't see my Aunty --my aunty went upstairs, to do something in her room--.
"Aunty, chidinma has release the dragon oo!", I shouted.
"Ah ok, bring her upstairs to my room", said my aunty.
I did as I was told.
While I was passing my dad's room, with my little sis on my hand, a strange breeze blew, then I heard something fell in my dad's room, so I stoped to know what fell.
When I open the door, I saw a book on the ground --I guess it fell from my dad's shelf--. I dropped my sis on my dad's bed, then picked it up.
I was about putting it back to the place where it fell from, when it opened by itself mysteriously. I saw my mum's writing on it.
It says "Life might be challenging and full of sorrowful years and days, but it's never the end of once life".
"Mum wrote this", I said with a surprised face, to my little sis.
"But how come it's still here, after all this years and I didn't see it", I said to myself.
I turned on to the next page and I saw "Everything is how it was written in life".
"Wow, so mum was a writer", I said with a smile on my face,
I went close to my little sis then said "Chidinma see mummy's handwriting, it is beautiful right?", I asked her.
She replied me back with a smile and the words of a baby. I smiled, then looked at her and said "I MISS MUM so much"
"But now that you are here, I have someone and something to live for. I will never let anyone not even the devil himself hurt you I promise. I LOVE YOU SIS". I said then kissed her, on her forehead.
......THE END.....
I wrote some words after each episode.
1 After I fall in love.
2 After the expression of an unbelievable event.
3 After that maximum control of your soul.
4 After I have the experience with life.
5 After excitement.
6 When life becomes sweet.
7 When I can't forget you.
8 When feelings are exchanged.
9 When warmness fills my heart.
Each one has a key word.
Love is an unbelievable expression, it keeps your soul under maximum control, it makes your life experience to be filled with more excitement, it is so sweet that it's a feeling never to be forgotten when it is exchanged in different ways.
When warmness fills your heart, just know that it's love knocking on the door of your heart.
STORY BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI
contact me on
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Email: [email protected]
or
Email: [email protected] Facebook: Ossy andy Nnamdi
Skype: 07087750433
or
Skype: [email protected]
Twitter: @nnamdiossy
INSTAGRAM: @ossynnamdi.








NAIRAJOKES.COM




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This woman goes into a dentist`s office, and after he is through examining her he says: “I am sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill a tooth.”
The woman then says: “Ooooohhhh, I`d rather have a baby!”
To which the dentist replies: “Make up your mind, I have to adjust the chair.”Related

A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the toilet seat.

The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear.

She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor. She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the frozen seat, and they go.

When they get to the doctor’s, the man lifts his wife’s coat to show their predicament.

The man asks, “Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?”

“Well, yes,” the doctor replies, “but never framed.”Related

Har Ek Majar Par Udasi Chhayi Hai;

Chand Ki Roshni Mein Bhi Kami Aayi Hai;

Akele Acchhe The Hum Apne Aashiyane Mein;

Jane Kyun Tutkar Aaj Fir Aapki Yaad Aayi Hai!Related

life race [Read it]


A mad man was standing on the 3rd mainland bridge
and shouting
“44“44!!44!!! And crowd gradually gathered to watch
him. You know 9ja
sabi look well well. A guy came and asked one of the
people watching,
what is that mad man saying “? The man replied I don't
know! The
inquisitive guy went ahead to ask the mad man what
dose “44” mean ?
As soon he got close to the mad man,the mad man
pick him up and
threw him into the ocean and started screaming 45!45!!
45!!! Omo come
see race ......


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-01 14:44:53

459 Views




My phone battery was down, Ismaeel was not even able to get across to me, and I left Aminat room around 9am when I assume everyone would have gone to school. On stepping out of their flat, Ismaeel and Ezekiel were the one by the gate, they look surprised…
Ismaeel: so, this is where you have been since yesterday
Me: shhhhhhhhh….(I did a sign for them to shut up)
“we all walked to Ezekiel’s room”
Ezekiel: so, what happened Alfa…you slept over at Amina’s room, don’t dare lie abeg
Me: yes…….
Ismaeel: So, what happened?
Me: Nothing happened……I went out yesterday and by the time i came back you locked the door and left with the key……so i went to her place and i didn’t know when i slept off
Ismaeel: So, what time did you wake up..
Me: Mid night and i couldn’t come back again…
Ezekiel: What happened to your beard….
Ismaeel: That is the truth ooo…what happened? Why the change of look?
Me: maybe because i decided to change my look..is it not okay like this?
Ezekiel: never knew you are this handsome, so you have been hiding yourself all this while all in the name of Alfa, at least we can always go out together now…
They were saying so many things when i left them and went to my room through Ezekiel’s kitchen, i was so tired thank God I didn’t have lecture for that day or coaching class. I called Aminat to find out where she was, she told me she was in school that they called her for emergency test. Ismaeel left with Ezekiel for school later in the day.
I was inside sleeping in the afternoon when i felt a kiss on my lips and that was what brought me back to life “whats up baby” Aminat said to me and i responded back to her that i was fine. She sat beside me on bed and told me she was just coming from school and it was like people are not back from school. She brought out a nylon from her bag and told me she got me something, i opened it and found two jean trouser and a round neck top. I thanked her with a kiss as she instructed me to try it on.
I put the jean on and it was actually my size, i didn’t know how she got my exact size but i still told her i was going to cut it down as i was not comfortable wearing trouser that will be touching the ground. She rejected the option, persist that i must not reduce the size that the jean was nice on me like that. She said she will want me to even wear it to school on Monday and see the comment people will pass on me. After so much insistence, i gave in to her request, promised her i wont reduce it and that i will try and put it on to school on Monday, in fact she said we will go to school together “not up to that now” i said.
It was a hot afternoon and that didn’t even stop us from having sex, it was just like a quickie as she didn’t off her cloth, i only unbutton her TM shirt, push up her bra to give her breast a nice suck after which i unzip her jean trouser, pull it down with her pant to her ankle, lifted her up to my reading table after pushing all the books on it to the floor including my quran which i didn’t even notice, i lifted her leg up and inserted my deek below her jean and started fucking her real hard, didnnt take long before i came because i was not having much strength.
I thought everything was over until Aminat call me around 10pm that i should come and meet her at tipper garage roundabout, she said i should put on one of the jean and shirt she bought for me in the afternoon with a sneakers, i did as she instructed because i have a sneakers which i usually put on to match some of my jean which were just 4 inches above my knee. I dressed up and took a bike from my street straight to tipper garage, i called her and she described where she was to me, i saw her beside a Camry 2003 model, she ushered me into the car as the guy driving the car greeted me, there was another lady beside the guy in front.


>>

Kya app colgate karte hai ?

??? ?? toothpaste ?? ad ?? ????? ?? ???? ?? ??
??
dentist ?? ??? ??
?? stethoscope ?????? ….
???? ?????? ?? ?? ??? dentist
??? ?? ?? stethoscope ?? ????? ?? ????? ????? ?? !!

??? ??? intelligent ?? ?? ??? ???? ???? ????…Related

BROKEN SEAL
Episode 4

Ella came at exactly 8:09pm
yeah, i checked the time, no i
mean i was checking at
intervals.
Ella: sorry for coming late, i
got stucked in traffic.
Me: (smiling) its okay, i was
thinking you wouldn’t make it.
Ella: i keep my words!
A waiter dressed in white and
black came by and gave us the
menu.
Me: give me……
Ella: i’d have…….
*we spoke at the same time*
me: ladies first
Ella: let me have hot Bulalo.
Waiter: sir, your order please
Me: i’d also have bulalo, with
some fruit juice.
The waiter served us and
left….we started eating, as
silence invaded the
atmosphere.
Ella: hey! What are you staring
at? You’ar making someone
uneasy here.
*I had been staring right into
her eyes*
me: you’ar the most beautiful
creature i’ve ever seen.
Ella: hmmm thank you….you
aiint looking bad too.
Me: (just say it, am handsome!)
you know Ella, we have alot in
common, first Ck is our
favorite and now, we both love
bulalo, i’m sure there are a
whole lot of things we have in
common.
Ella: (smiling) hmmmmm.
We continued talking, i got to
know she is a presenter in a
radio company located in my
street!!!
She misplaced her debit card,
reason she couldn’t pay for her
shopping earlier.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Its now few minutes past 9pm,
Ella was getting sleepy and
said she needed some rest.
Me: we’re gonna do this again
right?
Ella: no way!!! We agreed on a
one day dinner and this is it.
Me: common, i enjoyed your
company alot and aiint we
friends already?
Ella: okay i’d think about it,
but hey there is no date set for
it yet.
Me: thats my cinderalla….can i
get a hug?(i honestly don’t
know when that escaped my
mouth)
Ella: hey i’m not your
cinderella…..infact i’m not
Cinderella am Ella!
Me: okay ma’am….how about
the hug?(smiling)
Ella: in your dreams.
Me: i think i should start
dreaming right away!
Ella: shall we?
*i stood up to hug her*
Ella:uh-oh wrong
interpretation, i meant shall we
go now?
We held hands and walked out
of the eatery in the speed less
than a snail’s.
On our way going, i guess she
stumbled or something, she
almost fell, i was just in time
to stop her from kissing the
ground.
I wrapped my arms round her
lower abdomen, we remained
in that position for seconds, as
if we were being remoted.
Ella: (disengaging) hummn let
go…
Me: you almost fell, you should
be grateful.
Ella: (smiling) yeah thanks.
We took a cab from there, first
to Ella’s house, before heading
for my ‘castle’.
I couldn’t take Ella off my
mind, she became the centre of
my thoughts, as i laid on the
bed. If i close my eyes i see
her, open them and shes gone,
i was hallucinating until the
gentle voice of sleep called
me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This morning isn’t any
different, i wasn’t myself, i
wore one-legged socks to
work, my signature even
changed for the first time
today. Whats wrong with me?
I’m i in love already?
I think about Ella virtually
every minute.
Its almost launch time, maybe
i can have launch with her! But
would she give in? There is
nothing wrong in trying right?
*on the phone with Ella*
Me: hi Ella
Ella: hello, how was your
night?
Megood to know you care) it
was rossy and yours?
Ella: mine was dreamy, so
whatsup with you?
Medreamy? Did you dream of
me?) uhm…..are you at work?
Ella: yes why?
Meeasy baby!) i want to
advertise something, and i
chose the radio station where
you work!
Ella: thats great news! It would
be our pleasure to do that.
Me: okay, i’d be there in few
minutes.
Ella: bye! I’d be waiting
*hunged up*
Its after the line went dead
that i realise what i just said,
WTF! Why didn’t i go straight
to the point? What do i have to
advertise? Should i call her
back and tell her its cancelled?
That would be totally crazy!!!
:::::::::To be continued:::::::::::
what should i do/advertise, can
you help out?

>>

vote of thanks [Read it]


During a wedding reception; The
groom was called upon to give his
vote of thanks to his guests and this
is what he came up with:
1. I want to first of all thank the Lord
Almighty for creating my wife and to
also thank the pastor and his wife for
lending us their wedding rings.
2. Special appreciation to my
landlord who lent us his car.
3. I am most grateful to my boss for
approving the loan I used for my
wedding suit.
4. Big thanks to the committee of
friends for the appeal fund they
raised on my behalf.
5. Also to my brother's wife, thank
you for lending us your wedding
gown and to my sister for lending
her shoes to my wife.
6. Am so grateful to the cake
designer for the cake. I promised to
return it tomorrow morning as agreed
without cutting or
eating out of it.
7. Special thanks to my friends who
brought food from their homes to
help me feed you
all. Please for those who were served
food good luck and for Those who
didn't get any, well we will make it up
to you during our
child dedication...
Describe him in a word..


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-24 14:52:28

391 Views




Reporter: Swami Ji, it is so cold on this mountain top, what’s the secret of your happiness, even in this extreme weather condition?

Swami Ji: Tulsi and Green Tea. Would you like to have some Green Tea?

Reporter: Of course yes!

Swami Ji: Tulsi, please bring two cups of Green Tea!Related

Organic [Read it]


My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from
the market.
I went and looked around and couldn't find any. So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and
said, "These
vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed
with any
poisonous chemicals?" "The produce guy looked at me and said, "No.
You'll have to
do that yourself."#AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-02 09:07:09

916 Views




Every time I see a Maruti Omni van running on the road, I feel someone has been kidnapped ???? #BollywoodLogicRelated

Akpos was travelling with hs new car.unfortunately he had an accident with one old bus.one police man who saw all dat happen,rush there to help.
AKPOS;oh no see what dis man do 2 my new car that worth #6 million every tin is write_off
policeman:u are so materialistic dat u dont even mind dat ur hand z cut off.
Akposlooking 2 hs hand.).oh where z my gold wrist watch and ring


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-22 11:39:53

592 Views




The tenant crept into the bed with the landlord’s wife and proceeded to seduce her.


She angrily pushed him away and said, “Stop it, or I will tell my husband.”


Undaunted, he continued with his antics. Eventually she relented and he succeeded in making love to her.


After a short while she got restless and began to nudge and prod at the tenant and got him to make love to her for a second time.


And before he could doze off, she rolled on top of him yet again and in no uncertain terms conveyed to him what she wanted.


Sleepily he said, “Stop it or I will tell your husband.”Related

Girlfriend called 2 her boyfriend at

mid-nite

.

Girl: – Hello Dear

.

Boy :- Haan ji

(aa gayi maa ki

aankh

pakaane)

.

Girl:- kya kar rahe ho..?

.

Boy : kuch nahin (pakode tal

raha hoon )

.

Girl : – bataao na..?

.

Boy :- kuch nahin dear

( aadhi raat ko kya karte

hain..! )

.

Girl: neend nahin aa rahi thi

socha

chalo call kar loon

.

Boy– achha kiya

(kamini kal Office ke late karwaa ke rahegi )

.

Girl : –hello koi gaana sunao

naa.. bore ho rahi hoon

.

Boy: –nahin yaar (mujhe radio

staion

samajh rakha hai kya aur 12

baje k

baad toh radio channel bhi

band ho

jaate hain )

.

Girl:– plz sunao na……

Boy:– kal pakka ( uff ishki toh

aisi ki taisi )

.

Girl : — naa mujhe aaj hi sunna hai..

if u

luv me den u will sing for

me

.

Boy : time kya ho raha hai .?

dear (yeh padosiyon ko bhi jagwa k hi r

maanegi )

.

Girl : –12:30

.

Boy: — aur kal mere Office mein bahut kaam hai

.

Girl: –tumne toh bola

tha ki tum Office ka kaam minto mein karr lete ho

.

Boy :- haan (agar nahin boltatoh

teri

bakwaas kaun sunta )

.

Girl :- sunao naa plzz koi romantic sagaana

.

Boy : par gaane k baad

phone rakh degi ( fans gye

beta

toh jhelna toh padega hi )

.

Girl :- kyun kisi aur ki call ka wait

kar rahe ho kya..?

.

Boy : nahin darling (ye lo.. saali ne

shak karna bhi start kar diya)

.

Girl: fir kyun bol rahe ho.. rakhne

ko,

khao meri kasam ki kisi ki call

nahin aayegi..

.

Boy: teri kasam (itni raat ko toh

aadmi wrong number bhi

nahin

lagata)

.

Girl : – chalo ab

sunao

.

Boy: theek hai (beta pyar kiyahai tohjhelna toh padega hi..ban

ja

aadhi raat ko.. Himesh

Reshamiya )

Girl : yeh waala gaao– adayeinbhi hain.. muhabbat bhi hair.. nazaakat bhi hai.. mere mehboob mein .

Boy:- yeh mujhe nahin aata

(kamini ..tareef sunegi apni )

.

Girl : toh koi dusra suna do…

.

Boy:- Wait.. sochne de

(kya gaaun ki aaj ke baad mere

muh

se gaana sunne ka naam tak

naa

le )

.

Girl: Gaao na…

.

Boy sings : –

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

phulo ka taroon ka sabka

kehna hai.. ek hazaaron meinmeri

behna hai…….

saari umar Akmal.. hamein sang

rehna he..!!!!!!!!

( Le aaj ke

baad

naam nahin legi

gaane ka…ishki toh maa ki

aankh )

.

Girl : -yeh kyun gaaya..?

.

Boy : mera favorite song hai

(samajhdaar k liye ishara hi kaafi

hai kamini )

.

Girl: –

hmmmm mujhe neend aa

rahi

hai.. bye………

.

Boy :- aray kahaan jaa rahi ho..suno

toh.. tum

nahin sunaaogi kya..? (mission

complete)

.

Girl:– bye.. baad mein.. good night..take Care jaanu

.

Boy : take care jaan ( jaan Le gayi

kamini ..jaanu jaanu bol ke..

o terri.. Yeh toh 2 baj gaye..ab sounga kab aur Jagunga kabRelated

BROKEN SEAL
Episode 16

Adrian quickly hid behind the
door in such a way that the
door would cover him when
opened. I was suprised to see
my door half opened, was i
that much in a haste that i
forgot to close the door
properly? I wish i never left
the house in the first place!
Sitting on the couch, i felt
uneasy, it seems i’m not alone
in the room. Isn’t that weird? I
checked to four corners of the
sitting room but no one was
there. To satisfy my curiousity,
i strode to the adjoining room
to search for the ‘invisible’
person in my home. ____________
________________
Adrian watched as Isaiah
walked to the inner room. He
seized that opportunity to
stealth out of the house.
_____
Oh i’ve been hallucinating, no
one except me is in the house!
Whats wrong with me lately?
Things around me are getting
more weird with each passing
day. __________________________
Adrian happily went to his
boss’ Rodelio, and explained
all he had done. As a prove of
it, he(Adrian) put on the tele-
bug and rewound it to where
Isaiah was having a phone
conversation. Rodelio was
pleased, as a reward for a job
well done, he gave Adrian an
envolope containing 5,000
peso.
_____________
Today is february 13th! You
know what tomorry is right?
Oh you don’t? Okay i’d tell
you, tomorrow is Valentine!!!!!
Can you imagine that? Woooo
huuuuu i can’t wait to give my
baby the best valentine gift
ever! What do you suggest i
give? Everything is already
planned out, its gonna be a big
suprise for Ella. I told samuel
about my plans and he’s also
helpinq out!
The remaining hours of my day
were so boring,dunno why. I
sat on the couch watching a
soap since i wasn’t sleepy yet.
When i was about going to
bed, my clock gave an alarm,
indicating its 12am already. I
reached for my phone to call
Ella. The phone didn’t beep
twice before she picked up.
Ella: hi dear, not sleepy yet?
Me: i closed my eyes, opened it
then closed it again and realise
i can’t sleep without wishing
you a rossy valentine.
Ella: hmmmm thanks! Any
plans?
Me: yeah alot.
Ella: tell me about it.
Me: its meant to be a suprise.
Ella: can’t wait.
Me: hahahaha goodnight i
gotta sleep.
Ella: dream of me!!!
*hung up*
Its morning already, i had a
long dreamy night. I got off
bed lazily, did my morning
hygiene and got clad in the
best valentine wear i can think
of. Thanks to Chuck Taylor.
Valentine here we go! I drove
to a supermarket, bought a
silver necklace for ma’am Kate,
alongside with my ‘something’
______
Within few minutes, i found
myself in Ella’s home. It isn’t
too early, i guess the time
should be some minutes past
10am already. We took
permission from ma’am kate,
then Ella and i hopped into my
car, driving to my arranged
destination.
Ella: mind telling me where
we’ar going?
Me: calm down, you’d find out.

>>

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it!Related

?? Condom ????? ???? ?????? ?? Add:

?? ??? ????, ?? ?????? ????……
????? ??? ????.????????Related

Curse Breaking [Read it]


Conversation between a man and a wizard;
Wizard: Yes? What do you want me to do for you?
Man: Goodmorning baba. My problem is not too hard. I just want to be free from this curse.
Wizard: Hmmmn, okay. You will be free from the curse; only if you remember the exact words of the curse.
Man: (replies without hesitation) ''I now pronounce you Husband and Wife''.
#PJ.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-16 09:42:33

463 Views




Akpors was walking with his friend Ali on a particular afternoon.when they got to a particular street,they heard people shouting 13,13,13,13,13,13,13,13,13.akpors said he wanted to why they were shouting,but Ali refused to check.due to akpors perseverance,he decide to go check y they were shouting.the wall of the compound was high but there was a hole where he could peep.as he peeped to check wat was happening,he was poked in the eye,and they started shouting 14,14,14,14,14,14.ali laughed at wat hapened and told him to mind his business next tym.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-17 14:29:06

432 Views




Once Rajnikant and a girl were playing cards,

rajnikant had (AAA) but could not win,why?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Becoz the girl had 3 Rajnikants…Related

Yawning is an orgasm for your faceRelated

Pastor Akpos [Read it]


Akpos, pastor, goes to a clinic to buy a pack of condoms.
The attendant tells him to wait and enters the inner room to get it.
As the pastor Akpos waited for his condoms, one of his members comes to buy drugs and greets him, “Pastor, good evening.”
“Good evening Brother Michael. How are you?” the Pastor Akpos replies.
As they were exchanging pleasantries, the attendant comes back with the pack of condoms and gives it to Akpos.
The member opens his eyes in shock and shouts, “Pastor!!!”
Embarrassed, Pastor Akpos shouts, “JESUS CHRIST!!! WHAT IS THIS I said COMBATRINE!!
Akpos, pastor, goes to a clinic to buy a pack of condoms.

The attendant tells him to wait and enters the inner room to get it.

As the pastor Akpos waited for his condoms, one of his members comes to buy drugs and greets him, “Pastor, good evening.”

“Good evening Brother Michael. How are you?” the Pastor Akpos replies.

As they were exchanging pleasantries, the attendant comes back with the pack of condoms and gives it to Akpos.

The member opens his eyes in shock and shouts, “Pastor!!!”

Embarrassed, Pastor Akpos shouts, “JESUS CHRIST!!! WHAT IS THIS I
said COMBATRINE!! - See more at:

Heheheehe.Apkors and his two friends were seriously drunk during a night party.At the end of the party, they boarded a taxi. The taxi man seeing how drunk they were decided to play a fastguy-fastmoney on them. So, after Akpors and his friend hopped into the car, d driver turned on the engine and then turned it off again almost immediately.He told them they have reached the destination they told him.They all alighted but Akpors who was the last to alight gave the driver a resounding dirty slap.The driver was shocked thinking they understood his tricks.....but then decided to ask Akpors what the slap was for. Akpors replied''Are you mad? Why did you have to drive at such risky speed? You almost got us killed.''


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-13 21:03:09

213 Views




Akpos was inside a bus going to his village when he suddenly realised that the purse containing all his money was
missing
Somebody had picked it from his pocket.
He looked around the bus, everybody was calm, well seated and enjoying the ride.
After thinking for a while about what to do to retrieve his purse, an idea occurred to him.
Making sure that everybody in the bus heard him, Akpos said: Somebody stole my purse from my pocket.
Nobody in the bus responded
Akpos continued: I said somebody picked my purse containing my money from my pocket.

The passengers in the bus looked at him without responding.
Akpos: If that person that stole my purse doesn’t want what happened in 1994 to repeat itself now, the
person should own up now.

The passengers were now looking at one another and murmuring among themselves.

Akpos


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-06 09:26:20

310 Views





A man and his wife were arguing over sex.
Man>> Sex is work!
Wife>> Sex is pleasure!
Man>> I don’t blame you, you don’t know what
men are passing through.
Wife>> All I know is that sex is pleasure
whether you like it or not.
With this, the argument lasted for a long time
until they decided to invite Akpors, theirhouse
help to hear his own version.
Man>> “Ehen… Akpors!”
Akpors>> “Yes oga!”
Man>> “Is sx work or pleasure?”
Akpors>> “Ehmmm… Oga, sx na pleasure
because if to say sx na work, you 4 don call
me make I come do am” Gbam!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-03 18:57:05

2630 Views




A blonde completed four weeks of dental restoration with the dentist.


She confided to her best friend that she had fallen in love with her dentist and she was going to propose to him.


Her friend said, “You’re beautiful, you have dozens of men that adore you. Why is this dentist THE man for you?”


“Because,” explained the blonde, “he is the first man that ever said to me ‘SPIT, don’t SWALLOW’.”Related

In Switzerland, every house has to have a mandatory Nuclear Shelter, where a person can survive for 3 months.Related

When I met my husband, Peter, through a mutual friend, I thought I'd found Mr. Wonderful and that my dreams of a perfect marriage had come true. He was cute, friendly, and a gentleman. But what I liked most was his spontaneity. Whenever we'd go on a date, I never knew what he had planned.
I couldn't believe how well we got along during our first two years of marriage. Even our sex life was great, or so I thought. Then one day Peter came home from work with a pornographic movie. "I just want to spice up our sex life a little," he said. "There's nothing wrong with trying something new." The kinky three-partner sex scenes we watched tormented me the rest of the night.
But that was just the beginning of what he wanted to try.

I grew up in a legalistic Christian home where my mom lived to please my dad. I learned at a young age that women should be submissive to their husbands, and I strictly applied this concept to my marriage. I felt trapped in a moral dilemma and didn't know what to do. Do I run from this repulsive situation and disobey what I had been taught about proper wifely behavior, or do I submit to my husband and humiliate myself?
After enduring a lot of Peter's "sweet talk," I gave in to his wishes.

I didn't complain. I felt as though I had to submit. Every time I tried to protest, I'd hear my mother's voice: Make sure your husband is happy. Do whatever he asks of you.

I didn't dare talk to anyone about our lifestyle. I couldn't confide in my family. And although Peter and I had both become Christians at a young age, we rarely attended church. With nowhere to turn, I felt desperately alone.

Everyone who knew us thought we had the perfect home life. And in reality, outside of my husband's perversions, we did get along well. He didn't drink, smoke, or use drugs. He treated me with the utmost kindness at home and in public. He just couldn't get enough of this sordid lifestyle.
Four years into our marriage, my husband lost his job. We had to relocate to another state.

Finally! I thought. A chance to abandon our acquaintances and stop this filthy lifestyle. For a brief period, hope rose within me.
We moved to a small town, immediately found jobs, and rented a nice apartment. At first we didn't meet anyone, and I actually thought we'd left all the garbage behind. But before long, it all started again.

Attempts to silence my conscience led me to a church in a nearby city.

While driving home from church one Sunday, I broke down in tears over the pressures of living a double lifestyle. With no end in sight from our sex rituals, and no hope of my husband changing, something snapped inside of me.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-06-06 11:25:31

226 Views



who funny pass [Read it]



Who is the funniest?
1. HAUSA man who removed his shoes to enter
a taxi.
2. IGBO man who went to the bank with a
spanner to open a bank account.
3. A YORUBA man who went to bed with a ruler
just to know how long he slept.
4. A TIV man who watched the news and waved
at the news caster.
5. AN EFIK nurse who woke up a sleeping
patient simply because she forgot to give him
sleeping pills.
6. AN IGALA man who lowered his TV volume
because he wanted to read a text message..
9. AN IKWERE man who polished his shoes to
take a passport photo.
10. AN ISOKO man who climbed a mango tree to
check if the mango was ripe enough then came
down and started stoning it.
11. A FULANI man who chose to drink Fanta
because he thought sprite was unripe.
12. A GWARI man who saw something that
looked like shit, touched and tasted and said
"Hmmm" na shit ooo!!! Thank God I no match
am.
13. AN IDOMA man who put his radio inside the
refrigerator because he wanted to listen to Cool
FM.
14. An Artiste Elvis grey who sang a song titled
'Linda Ikeji'
Don't forget to share.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-16 20:08:11

507 Views



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