Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:

Fuck_up [Read it]


HUSBAND: My dear, its like the light in the toilet is now
automatic!
WIFE: Wat happened?
HUSBAND: When I open the
door the light came on and after I urinated andclosed the door
the light went off!
WIFE: Drunkard! Akwu-ofia.. you have gone
to urinate in the FRIDGE again!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-27 13:42:53

1612 Views




Pappu: My girlfriend just texted me saying, “I want you to get me wet when I get home”!
Bunty: That’s cool.

Pappu: Yeah! I’ve got 15 water balloons ready… CAN’T WAIT!Related

A cat falls in water and a rooster laughs…

Moral of the story? A wet pussy makes a cock happy.Related

A four year old girl walks in while her father is dressing in the bedroom. She looks at his privates and points at his and ask, "Dad! What's that thing between your legs?" 


The dad replies, "I don't know." 


She goes to the kitchen and finds her mom, "Mom. What's that long thing between dad's legs?" 


Her mom instead of explaining things to her, replies, "I don't know." 


A week later, when her mom was coming home from work, the little girl ran to her and says, "Mom! You refuse to tell me the name of that thing between dad's legs. I have finally figured it out myself. It's a toothbrush!" 


The mom laughs, then ask, "How do you know that?" 


The little girl explains, "When I came back from school this morning, I saw aunty Nana (the Maid) kneeling in front of dad, brushing her teeth with dad's toothbrush and sure enough, there was toothpaste all over her mouth."


The mum fainted!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-19 18:31:40

185 Views




Double Insult:

Gal: Do you like me?

Boy: No.

The girl got sad.

Boy: Why are you sad?

Gal: Because you don’t like me.

Boy: You never asked whether I love you

Girl: Do you love me?

Boy: No!Related

Joan: Luke;if you don't want to get married to me;just tell me;i will understand that you love someone else
Luke: look;i like you as a friend and because i like you as a friend;i don't want to hurt you;i do care about and your well being
Joan: then get married to me and save me the shame of being pregnant out of wedlock
Luke: you know nothing about how i feel every day;that i see my mom being a single mother because my dad left her for the one he love;i don't want that to happen to you because you become misery when you marry someone that doesn't love you
Joan: you feel for me when you don't feel for your unborn baby,you want her to grow up without a father love?
Luke: i don't want that to happen also because it feels that you are alone in this wide world with everyone having a dad except you
Joan: then what do you want?
Luke: i don't know but the truth is.....
Joan: you don't want to get married to me(tears roll her eyes)
Luke: Joan;please stop torturing me because when i see those tears;i feel really bad and i don't like seeing women crying
Joan: i know what to do(he stared at her)
Luke: don't tell me;is what i am thinking
Joan: of cause;it is
Luke: i don't like that;i am not a murder
Joan: what do you want me to do?
Luke: i will marry you
Joan: really?
Luke: yes;i will
Joan: thank you(she hugged him)
Luke: is okay;we will go to the registrar tomorrow and get it done
Joan: alright (curtain)

Loveth: welcome home;sweet
Jude: what is it?
Loveth: come on;lets eat(he stared at the dining)
Jude: why is there so much food and wine?
Loveth: i have something to tell you
Jude: what is it?(he receive message from John that they lost the contract to Loveth's father company)what?(he stared at her)
Loveth: what is it?
Jude: go answer your worthless dad
Loveth: what did my dad do?
Jude: the contract i was suppose to have;have been awarded to your dad
Loveth: i am sure he doesn't know
Jude: will you keep quiet
Loveth: i am sorry;come sit and let me tell you the goodness
Jude: you are as wicked as your monster of a father
Loveth: Jude;you are insulting my dad
Jude: your dad is an animal;a bloody ritualist and a thief
Loveth: Jude;i will not stand here why you insult my dad
Jude: what will you do if i continued?(she sat down)go on and tell me
Loveth: i am sorry;don't worry;i know you will have another contract which will yield more money(she walked towards him and touch him)please;relax your mind(he pushed her to the floor)
Jude: are you stupid?
Loveth: Jude....(he started hitting her)Jude stop it;please i beg you(but he continued kick her and hit her)Jude;i am.....(and he step on her stomach with force)my baby(she screamed and passed out)
Jude: will you.....(he saw blood coming out of her body)Loveth;please wake up;i beg you,open your eyes(but she did not open her eyes and he rush her to the hospital)doctor;please help
Doctor: don't worry;we will take it from here
Jude: alright(curtain)

Muriel: newest couple in town
Joan: mom;i was even thinking of come today
Muriel: i am here already;where is my son?
Joan: he should be sleeping
Muriel: go tell him;i am here
Joan: alright(at the room;Luke was having a incubus)Luke(he kept struggling in his sleep)Luke(all of a sudden he burst out a name)
Luke: Loveth(he open his eyes)Joan(Muriel ran in when she had the scream)
Muriel: what is going on?
Luke: mom;she is in danger
Muriel: who?
Luke: Loveth(he realised he is married)sorry
Joan: you are still thinking about her right?(she walked away)
Luke: Joan
Muriel: you disappointed me;i am going to my house(exit Muriel)
Luke: (he talk to himself through the mirror)what is wrong with you?do you have to keep thinking about her;for crying out;you are married now. how do i convince Joan;that i wasn't thinking about her;Joan(curtain)


Grace: what happen to my daughter?
Jude: she....(enter doctor)how is my wife
Doctor: she is still in the intensive unit care
Grace: what is she doing there?was it not two days back we left here?
Doctor: she has some bruises and it seems it might affect the baby
Grace: how did she sustain those bruises
Doctor: i don't know;i should be asking you two;excuse me(exit Doctor)
Grace: if anything happen to my daughter;i swear to God(enter Liz)you will regret the day;you ever escape from your mother's womb
Liz: you are threatening my son
Grace: i will do worse than just that;if anything happen to her
Liz: will you stop this rubbish
Grace: i am keeping my cool because i don't want to act like a mad woman and i don't want my husband to find out
Liz: what will he find out about?
Grace: you want to tell me;that you don't know your son is assaulting my daughter?
Liz: is it a new thing that couples get involve in a fight
Grace: to you is not a new thing but to me;it is. just pray that my daughter and grandchild are save;if not;in fact;you will hear from me(exit Grace)
Liz: what in God's name is wrong with her?
Jude: i don't know;that is not my business for now;why did you not tell me,'she is pregnant'
Liz: did you hit her
Jude: she provoked me and i didn't know when i lost it
Liz: you are very stupid(she walked away)
Jude: mom;that is not what i need now(curtain)


Luke: Love
Joan: don't call me that i hate it
Luke: sorry;i didn't mean to call out her name
Joan: you are thinking about again?
Luke: i am not thinking about her;i just dreamed about her and the dream was scaring;that is why i burst out her name
Joan: and in that dream you are her superman;who want to save
Luke: Joan;please stop;stop it;you are the one i got married to;so stop thinking about the impossible;i will always be yes
Joan: really so(he tickle her and she laughed)Luke;stop(he flashback to Loveth and he stop)what is it?
Luke: nothing;come on;sit;i will make the dish;i don't want you to stress
Joan: are you sure
Luke: of cause(he walked into the kitchen and take a deep breath)that was close;i just wish i could stop thinking about you,is Joan,i want to think about;Joan,no one else but(he screamed) Joan
Joan: Luke;do you need anything
Luke: no
Joan: alright;be fast
Luke: i will




TO BE CONTINUE........


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Who is smarter?
Akpos and Ochuko were drinking palm

wine together. Ochuko said, “Akpos, I have

a confession to make.” Akpos asked, “What

is it?” Ochuko said, “Last week, I slept with

your wife. I am sorry.” Akpos shouted,

“You slept with my wife?!” Ochuko said,

“Please forgive me.” Akpos cooled down

and said, “What are friends for? I forgive

you.” The following week, Ochuko was

furious that someone had harvested all his

crops in his farmland. During their

drinking time in the evening, Akpos said to

Ochuko, “Ochuko, I have a confession to

make.” Ochuko asked, “What is it?” Akpos

said, “I was the one who harvested all your

crops. I am very sorry I did that.” Ochuko,

after getting angry, said, “What are friends

for? I forgive you.” Two weeks later, they

were drinking palm wine together when

Ochuko said to Akpos, “Akpos, I have a

confession to make.” Akpos asked, “What

is it?” Ochuko said, “I poisoned your drink

because I was angry with you. Please

forgive me. Akpos said, “So you poisoned

my drink? Anyway what are friends for? I

forgive you. I also have a confession to

make.” Ochuko asked, “What is it?” Akpos

said, “I am sorry! I exchanged our drinks.

Please forgive me”
Who is smarter??





NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-06 08:45:41

94 Views




Sex without condoms is magical… a baby appears and father disappears!Related

Two soldiers were having a chat during their free time.

1st Soldier: Why did you join the army?

2nd Soldier: I didn’t have a wife and I loved war. So I joined. How about you? Why did you join the army?

1st Soldier: I joined because I had a wife and I loved peace!Related

Why I can't love


Episode 10


Eventually, I became pregnant. With the presence
of the pregnancy, Francis became very happy
because his dreams were gradually becoming a
reality. In the house, there was this particular
room that he never allows anyone to enter. I have
been thinking of what exactly was in that room
that made him to be so strict on it like that . I
decided to open the room to see for myself what
is in there. All moves towards getting in there
were all failing due to the heavy security men he
employed just to monitor that room. I came up
with another idea, but this time around a very
dangerous one. I planned of adding volume 10
which I found in his first aid kit to the food that
would be served to the security men in the house.
Every part of the house was connected with CCT
camera's except the bedroom of which I had no
idea of . I joined the cook of the house when she
was cooking for them. I told her that I just felt like
helping her to cook because I missed cooking
which happens to be hobby. Besides Francis was
just rearing me as if I was his pet. I was not given
the opportunity to do anything in the house not
even cooking. All I could do was to bath, sleep,
eat, go out and have fun. That was my daily life.
According to him, he was rich so there was no
need for me to work and partly too because I was
pregnant. As the cooking was ongoing, I
intentionally asked the cook to get me my phone
from the bedroom. Immediately she left the room,
I dropped the medicine into the food and stared it
to mix very well. By the time she came, I was
done. My husband was actually not around that
day so it was just a well calculated steps I was
taking. I knew where he does keep the key to that
particular room so I was only observing the
security men to fall asleep so that I could take
action. Lo and behold, it happened. Within 30
mins after eating, the whole place was quiet. I
quickly got the key and broke into the room. What
a shock? What am I seeing. At a point I felt like
running away for my life. The room was arranged
in such a way that, only the owner knows what
exactly goes on there. " is this man a killer? " I
asked myself. I could see Human skeleton's and
other bones which I couldn't identify were
arranged on a table in the room. They were all dry
bones. I got shocked when I first saw them. I also
saw different candles but because of my colour
blindness, I couldn't identify the colours. There
was also a statue and some drawings on the wall.
The only colours I can see well are red, blue and
green. I see the rest as multi colours. After
viewing what I wanted to see, I quickly locked the
door and in same way as I entered, I came out. I
went into my room very frightened. There was
tremors all over me. I was even thinking I will
suffer miscarriage because in fact I went through
a great shock. "What are those skeletons for?
Who exactly is my husband? Is he even a real
human being? " these were some of the questions
begging for answers as I returned to my room. I
was pregnant so there was no way I could say I
will ran away. The security men were still in their
dream lands when my husband got back. "Oh no!
These fools are still sleeping. " I said to to myself
when Francis was at the gate expecting them to
open the main gate for him. I went to called the
cleaner to open the door for him and then I
quickly ran back and pretended to be asleep when
he entered the room. "Honey are you home? I
have been missing you the whole day at work and
because of that I've got you a surprise. " he said
as he was about to enter into the bedroom. I
pretended not to hear what he was saying. I was
just seeing him as a beast who have just turned
himself into a human. He actually came back with
some cake for me. He came and gave me a peg
on my forehead and asked me to wake up for he
was around. He asked me why it was the cleaner
who came to open the gate for him and not the
security men. I asked him how was he expecting
me to answer such a question . I told him i was
asleep since afternoon so I can't answer the
question. In order to change the topic for
discussion, I asked him what the doctor said
about my health especially with regards to my
stay in the country. He said the doctor was yet to
tell him the outcome of the test. Together with
him, we went to take our bath. He was the one
who actually did the bathing for me and that was
a normal thing for him to do. After bathing, he
gave me the cake which we all eat with some fruit
juice. After eating, he went into a room and came
out with a changed face. That was the room he
fixed a monitor where he plays back the activities
that went on in his absence. And his interest area
was just to be sure no one entered his "power
house ". "Esther! how dare you? What was your
business in the room you sneaked yourself into?
Don't you know pregnant women are not
supposed to enter into that room? And Haven't I
warned you? " He asked with a very angry voice. I
was so surprised and more shocked as he was
asking me those questions. Because I never saw
him going there neither did I saw anyone reporting
anything to him so how did he know? "Honey
what are you talking about? " I asked. "Don't try to
play smart here lady because am more smart
than you. Follow me. " he made me follow him to
the room where the monitor was. He played the
video for me to watch. I was just dump folded
with a very high degree of fear. All I said was " am
sorry. I didn't know what was there that was why I
went there to see." "Now that you know, let me tell
you what that meant. " he held my hands and
asked me to follow him back to the bedroom. At
the bedroom he said "am a drug dealer but I don't
take it myself. Those things you saw there are the
raw materials used for making the drug. All my
wealth comes from that business. Don't think I kill
people, but I do buy those bones from other
people. You must remain silent on whatever you
saw in that room if not you won't have peace with
me ." He said all that with a very low voice. My
luck was that he never said anything about how I
bypassed the security men. I pleaded with him
and told him I will do as he said. In the morning of
the following day, he called the security men and
told them they have just lost their one month
salary because they allowed someone to enter
into the room he employed them to watch over.
Days went into weeks and weeks into months. The
pregnancy was now matured for delivery. I must
be quick to add that no single month passed
without Francis sending money to my parents. I
do communicate to them through the phone but I
never mentioned the type of work Francis does to
them . Before given birth, I really enjoyed life with
Francis. Outing and many more. I even forgot I
had a challenge with my sight. There was no way
William even flashed into my mind because I had
all that I needed. The doctor he do take me to for
antenatal care was a member of his occult group.
To be honest, I never attended even a single
church service before since I came Atlanta.
Francis was just too busy for us to go to church .
Soon it was time and I was in labour. I was sent to
the same hospital to give birth. As soon as I got
to the hospital, the baby started coming out. I
became unconscious. All I could remember was
that I gave birth upon arrival at the hospital. They
injected me so slept off after the baby came out.
In my sleep, I started dreaming and in the dream, I
saw people operating on me in a theatre but I just
couldn't tell what was wrong with me. I woke up
only to realize that people were around me and
there was actual operation performed on me and I
was also in a theatre. So this wasn't a dream.
They actually delivered me and added up
removing my womb. They did all that when I was
put to sleep. I woke up and all the doctor could
say was that he was sorry my baby died due to
oxygen deprivation. "But doctor how? I gave birth
immediately I got to the hospital so what do you
mean by what you just said? And why am I in the
theater? I asked. He only said he was sorry for my
loss and left the theatre. I was moved to the ward
so that Francis could get the opportunity to come
and see. But prior to they moving me to the Ward,
the live baby and my womb was handed over to
Francis in a flask. Because that was a normal
practice for them in that particular hospital, no
one questioned him. He went to leave the flask
with their master of occult with the intention to go
for it when it is time for their meeting. He came
back to see me at the female ward. He pretended
he had no idea of what went on. "Esther my love
how is our baby? Is it a he or a she? " he asked.
"The doctor said we have lost the baby. You can
go and ask them. " I replied. " what!! What are you
saying?" He asked and rushed our of the ward. I
couldn't withhold crying. He came back and also
started shedding crocodile tears. I was weak so I
was told I will be on admission for some days.
Francis left and asked one of his attendant's to
come and take care of me. At night, he went for
the flask from his master and was ready for the
sacrifice which will make him become the
Supremo of their kingdom. Now the
consequences of they rejecting the content of the
flask will mean he will loose all he acquired with
the power of the occult. He submitted the baby
and according to their leader, it was not complete.
He said their main master said he could only
accept the content of the flask if only he brings
me to their chapel.


Will that work? And how did I managed the
situation? What happened next? Follow me to the
next episode. The battle has just began. Don't
forget to leave your comments.

Episode 11 will come .



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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My Story [Read it]


My Story

This is a true life story with minute fiction, it is also a confession to God ........ Share to help advice some one today.. Thanks...........
...Starr Puzzle
Episode 1

He was discharged from the hospital today, right after he got out of the OPD, he saw a taxi with 3 people inside and joined them. Tge driver got in started the car and drove of............
He started to think about his life, when he met Christ in SHS. He liked to make friends expecially female ones . He met a girl at a Cathsu meeting who stayed at Kasoa and attended the same parish with him, and become friends easily when they realized that they were from the same parish. Two weeks after they met the girl, Abigail, invited him to a group in their school known as Prayer Towers but he declined easily narrating to her how he vowed never to join any prayer or Christian group apart from Cathsu. Abigail knew that he had a weak point and that is not being able to quarrel with friends so she used it to her advantage..... ..... He paid the driver 1 cedi and alighted at simple stores. He started walking towards his school. He got to a chemical shop and both the drug on the pescription list given to him by the male nurse and continued his journey to his school. He entered his hall dropped his bag and proceeded to go hala his friends. When he got to Danso's corner he saw a first year and Supremo playing soccer and sat by them to watch................... Abigail gave him a new testament to read some quotation from it for her, when he was done he tried to return the bible but Abigail refused to take it and said either he bring the bilble to her at prayer towers or forget their friendship.........


....... To be continued.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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A doctor wrote on his new clinic: Any treatment is GHc300 and if we cannot treat, we will pay you GHc500.
Wanting the GHC500 for himself, intelligent Akpos came to the doc and said: I can’t feel any taste.
The doc asked a nurse to give Akpos a few drops of medicine from box 22.
Upon taking the drops, Akpos shouted “Oh STOP! it is urine!”
The doctor said “congratulations, your sense of taste is back now”.
Akpos was very angry that he lost GHc 300.

He came back two weeks later determined to get GHC 500.

The following conversation ensued between Akpos and the doc:

Akpos : I lost my memory.
Doctor: Nurse! Please give this man some drops of medicine from box 22.
Akpos: Wait doctor but that medicine is for sense of taste.
Doctor: Congratulations, your memory is back.




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-27 11:21:12

330 Views




My dad’s death threw my family into a new era of
hardship which my mum couldn’t cope with.
My dad’s relations hovered in like hungry vultures and
took away the few assets my dad left behind.
They claimed my male siblings were too young to take
care of my dad’s properties so they came to help.
Things became very difficult for my mum to the extent
that paying my school fees became a huge burden for
her.
All these increased my desperation and determination
to make it via my Runz girl business.
The first thing I did when I got back to my hostel after
my dad’s funeral rites was to visit the babalawo.
“Your stubbornness killed your dad,” the babalawo
said as soon as he saw me. “If you don’t appease the
spirits within the next four market days, you’ll see
what will happen to you.”
“So it was you who killed my father?” I asked the
babalawo feeling very angry and terrified at the same
time.
“Your mother will soon join him,” the babalawo retorted
unmoved by my outburst. “You must do all those
things I asked you to do within the next four market
days and appease the spirits whose shrine you
desecrated. Then you decide whether or not you wish
to repeat the ritual for the ‘Do As I Say Power’ you
initially requested for.”
I stood up and left the babalawo’s shrine immediately.
I rallied around for money and was able to gather a
hundred and fifty thousand with which I cleared the
babalawo’s demands. Then I went back to my hostel
to decide whether or not to go ahead with the DO AS I
SAY POWER. That aspect of drinking the sp€rms of
three different men mixed together in one small bowl
was the most difficult aspect of the ritual which I
wasn’t sure I could go through with. And then vomiting
again for the second time in the shrine meant going
through that desecration process again which I wasn’t
ready for. After going through all these in my mind, I
decided to let the “DO AS I SAY POWER” be for the time
being till I was ready to cope with the requirements of
the ritual…

Do you think she will make it?
Just drop your comments

>> Episode 21 -

Lakshmi Puja on Diwali:

There are two legends that associate the worship of Lakshmi on this day. According to the first legend, on this day, Lakshmi emerged from Kshira Sagar, the Ocean of Milk, during the great churning of the oceans, Samudra Manthan.

The second legend (more popular in western India) relates to the Vamana avatar of the big three Vishnu, the incarnation he assumed to kill the demon king Bali. On this day, Vishnu came back to his abode the Vaikuntha; so those who worship Lakshmi receive the benefit of her benevolent mood, and are blessed with mental, physical and material well-being.

May Goddess Lakshmi shower you with abundant happiness on this auspicious festival of Diwali!Related

EPISODE 36

Vanessa rose quickly from the ground. She met
Mma’s wild open eyes and made a small jolt.
But she didn’t relent. If anything, the malice in her
boiled the more.
‘You silly girl! So you think you are a cat eh?’
She picked the loaded syringe from the floor. ‘You got nine lives, right?’
Mma stared, speechless.
Everything seemed surreal to her.
But when she saw Vanessa push the needle into
the sac above her and she saw the red liquid in the
plastic bag turn deadly brown, her senses told her it was time to react. Be it dream or not.
She held the needle connected to her wrist and
jerked it off. She felt a slight prickle.
Vannesa turned red. She thrust out her hand, this
time to force the dangerous liquid direct into
Mma’s belly. The faster the delivery, the quicker the action, all the whole better.
Mma grabbed her hand in the air and held tight.
She tried to scream for help but Vanessa threw her
free palm over her mouth before she could let out
a sizable sound.
She was weak but she held on. Vanessa tried with what seemed all her might to push her way down
and deliver the deadly bite but Mma held her.
Vanessa never would have imagined that someone
so sick would show so much strength. But she
didn’t allow her surprise get in the way.
Mma held on firm, till she appeared to have used up all the energy she could gather and tears
streamed down her face from the corners of her
eyes.

**To Be Continued**

EVERY VANESSA IN YOUR LIFE, I COMMAND THEM
TO BURN BY FIRE IJN!! COMMENT AMEN IF THAT
PRAYER IS FOR YOU

>>

READ WHAT A GHANIAN WOMAN SAYS ABOUT DATING THESE CATEGORIES OF NIGERIAN GUYS
Hanny Morgana listed out
listed out the different kinds of
Nigerian men and their
characters as a guide for her
country women to follow when
they want to date a Nigerian
man. i find what she wrote
hilarious.Read below;
Ghanaian ladies say Nigerian
men are the best: they are
loving, caring, and really
caring (financially).
Truth, is men will always be
men. ‘I have tasted and seen.
Counsellor Lutterodt says you
don’t date for more than
fourteen days. So in your
fourteen-day quest, it is
important to understand your
man.
So in case you get involved
with a Nigerian guy or intend
approving one for your sister, I
present to you my personal
guide below:
YORUBA MEN (aka Lagos).
Have you met a Yoruba Man
before? They will make you
laugh, very funny people, it is
never boring around a Yoruba
Man. He can get you Heaven
on Earth. God bless his hustle.They are lousy talkers,they talk and their environment vibrate and echo their sound,its like thunderstorm
They are romantic but will always cheat on you.
This is not a matter of you did
something wrong, No!!! You
didn’t!!! They enjoy cheating.
It’s like their Normal Fun.
There’s the adage “A dog never
rejects Bone.”
This describes a Yoruba Man.
They know too much. (Bother
their ladies and Guys) if
anyone tells you something
along the line you later found
out it was a Lie; and it leaves
you wondering if you were
charmed into believing it. Do a
research on that person; he is a
Yoruba Guy.
IGBO MEN: An Igbo man is
ready to take good care of you
and buy you the latest of
whatever you want. He can buy
you a car if you so desire. You
just have to let the world
know. I mean the Whole Wide
world. You don’t refer to Him
as your Boyfriend. Hell No.
He Is Your Husband, married
or not. And Igbo man will
never do all these for you if he
has not seen your parents, or if
he doesn’t know every single
detail about you.
He cannot spend for anything.
“Baby on Sunday, we are
wearing ‘to match’ to church.”
When they see him, they see
you. You can’t even cheat on
an Igbo man if he wants to be
serious with you. All his
friends, overseas MUST KNOW
ABOUT YOU. Everyone he
knows has a picture of you.
Igbo men believe in “You give
me I give.” No time to waste.!
RIVERS MEN (aka Port
Harcourt). They are the people
you will say “Know what’s up.”
They are Guys who have
mastered the art of flirting. Yes
they are that Good; they don’t
give up. A typical Port
Harcourt man will promise to
marry you.
They will Love you, but will
also accommodate as many as
their heart can accommodate.
He is not saying he doesn’t
love you; he will make you
think the ladies are the one
after him. So he is trying to
explain to the ladies one after
the other that you are his
girlfriend. They are also called
the “ladies men.”
DELTA MEN (aka Warri). Delta
Guys don’t Love. If you like
cook, wash, clean. On Friday,
he will go clubbing and will
pick a random girl up. They
like it like that. You can’t tell
them otherwise. So long you
are not a virgin, you are not
the village girl that has been
kept for them, they won’t
attempt to fall in love with
you. But they will spend on
you: he can buy you anything
you want so long as you stay
loyal as they want you to.
Everything you are doing for
them, washing and all that, is
out of your own kind gesture.
“Nobody send you message” as
they normally say. But will be
the first to say “Girls are not
loyal.” I wonder what they
think loyalty means.
HAUSA MEN are shy; they only
talk to you when they know
the environment is right. I
don’t know about 30% of them,
but I believe 70% of them are
shy and very caring. So long he
likes you, sometimes they show
you care even before they
really fall in love with you.
They always want you to be
around them; they want you to
be happy, so will do anything
to make you happy. But one
bad side: they are OBSESSIVE.
Because their motive is so
genuine, they easily get
obsessed and that’s where the
problem starts. He will call you
and your total discussion
would be about the imaginary
person you are cheating on
him with. He can accuse you of
cheating 200 times out of 100.
They have insecurity problems.
CALABAR MEN (Good in bed
Men): They are one of the
blunt and really brave Guys.
They know quite alright they
don’t have a chance with you,
but they believe there is no
harm in trying. A Calabar Guy
will approach a beautiful lady
and tells her how much he
likes her, how much he wants
to see her happy, how happy
he would make her feel. They
know they got no chance with
you, but will try anyway. For
example, they will tell you
they want you to be their
girlfriend (BLUNT), but they
don’t have money to take care
of you (BRAVE). The Calabar
man gets carried away and
sometimes forgets to cut their
coat according to their size.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-06-26 17:35:36

523 Views




Nigerians can Boast of anything! Imagine someone boasting of a toothbrush he's been using since 2003! Ki lo de!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-20 15:20:54

482 Views




A Nigerian teacher was sent to
China to teach.... The first day he
entered the class and was roll
calling,
He called out name, "Sheng", a
student stood up and answered
"Present sir".
He called the second name "Chu
Muon ", another student
answered "Present sir".
.
Suddenly he sneezed "Hatchia".
One student seated at the corner
stoop up and said, "present sir".
.
He surprisingly exclaimed,
"Hmmm". All the students
shouted "Absent sir".
.
At this moment, he got confused
and said, "Chai". Three students
immediately stood up and said,
"Which of us sir?".
.
The teacher became even more
confused and asked, "What is
wrong"??
A student stood up and
answered," Sir, I am not wrong. I
am called Wong " Now the
teacher could not help it but
laughed out, " Hahaha ......" A girl
stood up and answered,
"Present sir"
.
The teacher collapsed with
laughter.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-10 16:03:31

301 Views




EPISODE 29

Mirabel spent the night with me to take care of me and the injuries I sustained from Marcus and his gang. But it didn’t stop me from going to school the following day.
After the incidence and the arrest of Marcus and his gang; everything started going smoothly and peacefully.
Ike did exactly what he said he’d do. He handed over his website’s ownership to me with every arrangement necessary. It’s a downloading site that has anything downloadable like Application softwares, games, Hollywood and Bollywood movies, Tv series, Wrestling WWE and TNA, football highlights and full match, music audios and videos, technology features and so much more. He taught me everything I needed to know on how to run the site. The site was extremely large. That was when I got to understand fully that success doesn’t come easily without working for it. I had conflicts with both my studies and the site that made every day a stressful one for me. There were already six people working at the site before I became the owner; I became the boss of six foreign people.
I started earning thousands of dollars (millions of naira) as time passed by. I opened three current accounts in three different banks. I still didn’t stop collecting money from my Parents because I don’t know how to tell them about my source of income
With the underground help from the first lady; Marcus got tried where he was found guilty and got convicted for attempted murder to serve 27 years jail term along with his gangs. The news got into the newspapers because his Father was a notable man in the society and a billionaire at such. The press met with him and questioned him on what he’d say about his son’s case that could ruin his reputation. He simply replied saying that he has no son. Then sources reached the media saying that he has long disowned Marcus as his son.
Sometime later, the meeting for my mother and Mirabel’s mother to meet were arranged and they eventually met in the house I was staying (I was staying there temporally, so I can’t call it my house). My Father was on a work trip when she came with a girl (Her house help) she was quite pretty and well statured. Mirabel’s mother – the first lady came a day after my momma’s arrival. Good compliments came from both ends after their meeting. Momma left a day after their meeting.


Day after day, my bank account kept growing big – odikwa large!
I pay my tithes and also keep 10% from my income for my personal use. I always buy gifts for my sister and my girlfriend and sometimes for my best friend Promise.
One certain day when I was in my best mood because of how happy I was; Vincent approached me requesting for my permission to date my sister Nancy. He caught me unaware seriously. I knew that my sister was matured enough already so I played cool and gentle.
Me: Well…You’ve been a nice guy since I know you and you’re Ok. You can talk to her first then face me if she’ll agree to date you
Vincent: Actually…it was her idea that I should ask for your permission
**Inside my mind I was like what?! Although I still remained cool but my facial expression changed instantly**
Me: That means she has agreed to date you? **controlling myself**
Vincent: Uhmmm…not fully bro, that’s why she told me to seek for your permission
Me: Ok listen up; she knows why she asked you to seek my permission. You can go ahead; she’s smart enough but if you lose your cool towards her? May God help us! She’s never had a boyfriend before which will make you her first. Don’t ever even think of seeing her nakedness talk less of attempting to, because she won’t dare give in and you also shouldn’t even try it.
Vincent: Chill bro…why all this? I’m not s*x inclined please. I came from a Christian home and I was brought up to fear God. I’m not lusting after your sister bro! I fell in love with her because of the kind of person she is. She’s all I ever I dreamed of. She’s a virgin I know and so am I. I hope it doesn’t surprise you. My ex-girlfriend who was also a Christian and we fellowship together broke up with me because of s*x; she thought I was impotent. I don’t like girls that will allow a guy have s*x with her before marriage. Girls that have s*x disgusts me bro! That’s the first thing that got me attracted to your sister when I discovered how reserved and cool she is and how you’ve been protecting her as well. I won’t even kiss her because I’m made to understand that kissing before marriage isn’t right as well. I think you should know that too.
Me: I feel like I’m being blasted
Vincent: **Laughs out** Ahhh! Not like that bro; I’m only trying to defend myself and also present myself clean as well
Me: So…what do you want from my sister?
Vincent: Well…my real intention is to court her. She’s a nice girl and I wouldn’t want her to fall into the wrong hands in the near future by not presenting my intentions towards her from now. So…I’ll like to reserve her for myself before the bad guys come get her first for I wouldn’t want to miss the opportunity because girls like her are very rare.
Me: It’s okay….just trying to make things clear so there won’t be any mishap in the near future
Vincent: I understand; I will do the same for my sister
Me: Good thing we understand each other
Vincent: Absolutely!
Me: So you have a sister or sisters?
Vincent: Three sisters; two are out of the country
Me: And you protect the at home from guys?
Vincent: Not really, she’s a big girl; she can take care of herself and I trust her
Me: You both are very close?
Vincent: Not really but we share with each other
Me: You know if she has a boyfriend?
Vincent: Yea
Me: You seem not to worry about it
Vincent: You won’t be dating her in the first place if I should be over protective of my sister like you
Me: How do you mean?
Vincent: Mirabel is my kid sis bro
Me: What?! **Shocked and confused** how is that possible?
Vincent: Surprised? What an irony of life. The guy who disvirgined my sister is threatening me not to even see his sister’s nakedness…catch you later bro **Walks away**
**I was like what?!**
I felt so ashamed of myself. But how come Mirabel never told me about this? I need some explanations
I dialed Mirabel’s line and she picked up
Mirabel: Hi love
Me: Hi…who is Vincent to you?
Mirabel: He told you?
Me: Please answer my question
Mirabel: He is my brother
Me: Why didn’t you tell me?!
Mirabel: Baby I will come over so we can talk about this; I didn’t know he’ll reveal it himself
Me: What are you talking about?
Mirabel: We’ll talk about this when I get there please dear
**I hung up**
I was too annoyed to hear another word from her
I think I owe Vincent an apology.
Me: Nancy! Nancy!!
Nancy: **From the background** Yes?!
She came to me in the parlor
Nancy: Yes?
Me: What do you know about Vincent?
Nancy: As in?
Me: Are you aware that he is Mirabel’s brother?
Nancy: What? I don’t understand…how?
Me: Meaning you don’t know?
Nancy: I don’t get it; he is Mirabel’s brother?
Me: He just told me that few minutes ago that Mirabel is his kid sis. I called Mirabel to inquire from her and she confirmed it
Nancy: Does that mean…he is the President’s son? **Surprised**
Me: Seriously…I’m confused. I can’t believe she hid this from me
Nancy: What do we do?
Me: Mirabel is coming over to explain
Nancy: If this is true **walking slowly around** then we’ll both be dating the President’s children; isn’t it cool?
I just looked at her not much surprised; of course she’ll love it.

TO BE CONTINUED


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*********
I got home ,I greeted my brother whom I met eating which he did reply .I was about going in when he called me back
" kunle ,when did you start keeping secrets from me " he said looking at me .
' what ,I don't understand bro...which secret ' I asked looking confused
" common don't give me that face , so you want to deny that you are dating Cyndy ,for her to defend you in class like that today" he said which I started laughing
" why you dey laugh "he ask getting pissed off
' oh, sorry bro, but the truth is that am not dating Cyndy, infact we just became friends today as what she did, it surprised me as well' I said trying to make him get the point.
" really, if that so..you are really lucky o because it's really rare" he said giving me a wink
' what do you mean by that ' I countered giving a questioning look
" you know that babe fine and she dey so endowed, I even hear say some of our colleagues don try to woo the girl as she set die including Emeka but she no give them face " he was still talking when he mentioned Emeka's name which got my attention
' wait o... I thought they were lovers, you know they always talk a lot in class ' I asked eagerly
" from I heard, they live in the same street maybe that's how they knew each other " he said...his statement made me felt a bit relieved as I smiled.
" hmm ,why are you smiling bro. ,is there something you aren't telling me " he said staring at me, didn't know he noticed me smiling
' guy ,live me o let me go and change ' I said as I ran into our room to change.
throughout the day i just kept thinking about Cyndy ,about the hug( my first time hugging a girl that emotionally) it really felt good ,her pretty face and her beautiful smiles.. this made me smile at interval for no reason as I wish to see her again.
The next day in school, things went back to normal as my bestie Isaac came back to our seat , he greeted which responded ,I know he wanted to apologize but his pride wouldn't let him so I decided to help him
by breaking the silence
' good morning bestie ' I greeted which he smiled ,he knows I don't usually use the word bestie when I talk to him except when I want to apologize
" morning " he replied still smiling
' so how things ' I asked trying to make the conversation last
" fine and am so sorry kunle, don't really know what came over me " he said feeling sorry
' oh, that , you are forgiven bro but am just curious what I did that got you pissed off ' I said
" ehm ,kunle is not that you offended me " he was still talking when Nicky came to our seat
' oh, what does she want again ' I almost said aloud already getting irritated with her presence. before I could say anything she knelt down crying which got me and Isaac surprised...I stylishly look around but noticed they were only few of our colleagues in class
' stand up Nicky ,you are embarrassing us' I said trying to pull her up but instead the cry got louder (which kind palava be this )
" kunle ,am so so sorry, please forgive me ...feel so ashamed of myself right now " she said still crying
' Nicky ,please stand up...have forgiven you already ' I said pulling her up
" really ? " she asked this time no longer crying ...I gave her my handkerchief to wipe her tears which she did.. all this while ,Isaac was just watching our drama without saying anything.
' sit down Nicky ' I said pointing to a chair in front of me
" thanks " she sat down facing me
' am not angry with you , you were right about the other day ..I was a selfish psycho ' I said looking her in the eyes but she couldn't look up.
" no , kunle you are not..I should have given you the chance to explain ,I was such a fool " she said still playing with her fingers
' well ,you are forgiven... so smile, you know I hate to see a pretty angel like you crying, it breaks my heart ' I said smiling which got her smiling too.
she later went back to her seat not after gisting, things went back to Normal as I and besties were now back on track and the issue with Nicky was also sorted..' am free atlast ' I said to myself smiling .
Cyndy and I became so much close as our friendship kept waxing stronger day by day that most of teacher and colleagues were tagged us as couples which we didn't mind coz we weren't dating.
all this while ,Nicky also became friends with Cyndy all of a sudden which I wasn't that comfortable with, I felt like she was up to something mischief .
' where was this sudden friendship leading to ' I thought


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Seduction… was both a science and art – a blend of skill, discipline, proximity, and opportunity. Mostly proximity.

Ilium

~ Dan SimmonsRelated

name [Read it]


name da follow person if somone tell u dat u ar mad reject it take 4 distance our load jesus christ his name is j he was born to da family of joseph .j. he.was baptise in river jundan j and he was betray by juda .j.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-18 20:15:53

418 Views




Promo!Promo!!Promo!!!*
*E don dey happen ooo end of the year promo...!!!*
*Slap the person beside you and get one free! It is real!!*
*I have tried it and I just received mine now.*
*For "double offer" or more please try it with a "policeman or mopol".*
*Try it with "soldier to get unlimited offer" and your life will never remain the same!!*
*Hurry now and get yours!!*
*Offer last till the end of the year..*
*Pls do not forget to share your testimony...*
*Remain Blessed!*
????????.....


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-12-09 15:50:17

219 Views




akpos returns a missinp purse
to the owner in a market.the
lady was so grateful bt when
she looked inside,she got
confused nd said, but i had a
single one thousand naira
note,now there are ten pieces
of hundred naira note,how
come?akpos said,''na me
change am, the last time wey i
help person find purse,she say
she for give me something but
change nor dey!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-19 11:42:49

530 Views



no be so [Read it]


If you are in your late 20s and you still do
anyone of the stuffs in this list, then I think you
need to ask yourself some questions. When you
are in your 20s, you are allowed to make
mistakes because those years are there for
making mistakes, learning from them, and
bridging the gap between pre-adulthood and
adulthood.
Now you are in your late 20s, it is expected you
have learnt from this mistake and you are now
ready to live like an adult.
Below are 10 things everyone should stop doing
in their late 20s
1. Stop waiting around for things to happen
2. Stop Facebook stalking your ex, move on with
your life.
3. Life is too short to keep hanging out with
wrong friends.
4. Stop avoiding taking responsibilities for thin
5. Stop playing video games all the time, you
just can’t spend all your free time on video
games, there are other things you should do with
your time.
6. Quit staying in bad relationships, it is
expected you know it’s harmful to remain in a
bad and unhealthy relationship.
7. Stop building up debts and learn to live within
your means.
8. Stop holding on to old grudges.
9. Hanging out weeknights when you have to hit
the office the following day.
10. Stop procrastinating and start doing it now.
11. Stop regretting things from the past and
learn to deal with the present.
12. Stop dressing like a teenager.
13. Stop being scared of getting older and start
enjoying getting older.
14. Stop living off your parents, you should learn
to cater for yourself now.
15. Stop posting silly things on Facebook.
16. Stop spending money extravagantly and start
learning to save.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-26 19:51:37

278 Views




A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words!Related

Game of hope [Read it]


Pasture i seek in that hands,
The hands of steel or foam,
Fate shall unfold
Even to my loosened end,
I feel no remorse
Clinging to her cross to start
Wit no solitude of assurance
The question popped again
Should i back or hack?
But each comes wit a pay
A pay with little spot
But willing to play
To Game or to b gamed
I set out my first card
Which yield a bad effect....but y?
No response amidst d silence
Again...i tossed the second coined
Which yielded Same effect
this time with loosened will to follow
But joy laugh last at my victory
as i gave out my divine card with hope







NAIRAJOKES.COM




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In church today, we were praying when Pastor cut in, Brethren, may i have your attention please, as the prayer is going on i would want to inform you that Brother Ahmed Azeez from Maiduguri, a member of the Boko Haram terrorist group but now resigned is here with us today to share his testimony and testify the goodness of the Lord in his life. After this prayer session he will be up here in the altar to talk. But in the main time, continue with the prayer.

At the end of the prayer, Pastor said, In Jesus name we pray? No one answered Amen! In Jesus name we have prayed! He repeated. Nobody answered Amen. He stressed, Church, in Jesus name we pray? No one answered Amen. He said again, this time drawing the words, Church oooo, in Jesus name we have prayed. Nobody answered Amen.

Opening his eyes, he was surprised to find the church empty.

He came outside, and sighted us afar, running home.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-17 11:16:43

388 Views



naija student [Read it]


these children are in school they tell them to recite daily prayer
¤our faaather who as in heaven adaobi thy name garri don come dat will be done on flesh as is is body give us this sex our daddy bread and for give us our trans party as we for give those who trans part agains sus and lead us not in tempt condom and deliver from all igbos and that is thy condom thy powerss and gloria for ever and evers water {a mess} one word for naija student.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-29 18:58:23

430 Views




Akpors hate morning prayers because his mother always
asked him to lead in the chorus.
This morning, when he started chorus with an unfamiliar
song, his mother told him to start with the normal opening
song, “Good morning Jesus, good morning Lord.”
He got angry and said, “Mummy, if it is midnight in
America right now, and afternoon in India right now, how
are you sure we are not sending the wrong greetings to
Heaven?”
Was that a smart question or what?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-11 08:38:41

459 Views



do things easy [Read it]


YOUR WAEC: BIO E8, ENG D7,
MATH F9, YORUBA A1, COMMERCE
D7, LIT. ENG F9, …10000 Twitter
Followers. 'The devil is dancing
Azonto with your destiny.
- Person + blackberry +BIS - Job
= Twitter Celeb
-D'banj snubs Jazzy, Yvonne
beefs Tonto, Kim rocks baby
bump...They’re celebrities. They’ll
sort themselves out. Worry about
yourself dear. You don chop?
- Justin Bieber tweeted '2013'
and got over 700,000 retweets.
That alone is more than number
of any superstar in 9ja. What did
your nude avi's get you?
- MERLIN Season7 In the land of
Boko Haram and the time of Fuel
subsidy, the destiny of a great
nation rest on the shoulder of a
confused president. His Name:X
- Every pastor will claim he
received a call from God.
Whatever happened to Sms?
- Be honest; Would you slap your
mum for $20,000,000,000 ??
- The difference between boy
friend and boyfriend is that tiny
little space called FRIEND ZONE.
- There's Always Gonna Be A Girl
Hotter than your Gf. There's
Always Gonna Be A Boy Richer
than your Bf. LEARN TO BE
CONTENTED!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-05 15:25:58

339 Views




Abhi ?1000 Ke Notes Se Petrol Bharaya,
Aisa Lag Raha Hai Ki Maano Laash Thikane Laga Di Ho!Related

Boy calls 911.
Boy: Hello? I need your help!
911: Alright, What is it?
Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So what's your emergency?
Boy: The ugly one is winning.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-14 14:45:20

543 Views



BE PATIENT [Read it]


If you are waiting for a man who is
Honest Handsome, Understanding,
Adorable, Responsible, Nice, Loving,
Faithful and Rich... Be patient... JESUS IS COMING!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-14 15:30:10

446 Views




An 85-year-old man was
requested by his doctor for
a sperm count as part of his
physical exam. The doctor
gave the man a jar and said,
"Take this jar home and
bring back a semen sample
tomorrow." The next day the
85-year-old man reappeared
at the doctor's office and
gave him the jar, which was
as clean and empty as on the
previous day. The doctor
asked, what happened and
the man explained. "Well,
doc, it's like this--first I tried
with my right hand, but
nothing. Then I tried with my
left hand, but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for
help. She tried with her right
hand, then with her left, still
nothing. She tried with her
mouth, first with the teeth in,
then with her teeth out, still
nothing. We even called up
Arleen, the lady next door
and she tried too, first with
both hands, then an armpit,
and she even tried squeezin'
it between her knees, but
still nothing." The doctor was
shocked! "You asked your
neighbor?" The old man
replied, "Yep, none of us
could get the jar open."



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-02 10:35:49

930 Views



Women Wahala [Read it]


A man made love to his wife after returning from a long trip.
Husband: My wife your tin don dey sweet oh
Wife: Thank you my husband dat's what everybody is saying

lolz...if na u be the man, wetin u for do?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-23 11:50:03

1224 Views




It was a cold Saturday evening. I had left Jhena’s house and was heading back home. The place was getting dark and the overhead clouds were threatening rain.

I had gotten to the junction and was waiting for a cab but none seemed to be coming around. It was about 5:45pm and I needed to get home and iron my clothes for Sunday service. My phone had gone off due to low battery and I wasn’t sure if there was enough fuel in the generator. These and other thoughts were going through my mind when a Toyota Rav4 parked in front of me.

“Where are you going beautiful lady?”

“I am going to my house” I replied lackadaisically while still looking out for a taxi.

“Please hop in, let me take you home” he said politely as though I was the owner of the car and he was my driver.

“No thank you, I will wait for a cab” I retorted.

“Hey, It is about raining please just get into car plea…”

“ok! Fine kidnapper, I will enter your car” I interrupted harshly as I made for the door.

“You seem to be a stubborn lady”, he murmured. I just shrugged, smiled and said nothing.
He smiled too and started moving the car.
“My name is Kunle. I just moved into town recently and I stay at Peace Estate”

“Ok, my name is none of your business and I stay around peace estate too, so please just drive” I replied rudely again. He wore a surprised look, “If I am disturbing you, just tell me and I won’t say a word again” He said softly trying to hide the anger in his voice. There was silence in the car for a while, except for the sound of other moving vehicles and of course the wind.

“You must really be a Jackass to pick some girl on the road. What if I am a witch or something” I started nagging again breaking the silence between us.

He just looked at me, swallowed hard and focused on his driving.

I sounded rude and harsh and I knew it wasn’t fair, but I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t help the kind of woman I had become. Since my break up with Michael, I became rigid, truculent and a bit of a problem especially to men. He kept driving and we were just about 10 minutes away from peace estate.

“Stop the car, I want to drop” I demanded, it was now about 6:10pm.

He trafficated towards the left side of the road, slowed down and parked. “Wait! please wait” He pleaded as I made for the door.

“I am sorry if I offended you by giving you a lift but I know you. I see you around the neighbourhood. Whatever the problem is I can help you ok? You don’t have to be hard on yourself and others please Sophia”

My eyes lit, how did he know my name? How did he know I had issues I needed to deal with? How come he is so kind despite my rude behavior? He stays in my neighbourhood but sincerely I’ve not seen him before.

He spoke up as if he read my thoughts.

“I studied abnormal psychology at school and I can tell when folks act in response to past experiences or situations. I can help you” He assured me again this time staring deep into my eyes. His eyes were like black crystals, shiny, dark and deep.

His voice was soft, yet firm and promising.

There was something about his whole being that made him so different. Was it because he is a psychologist? Or because he was nice despite the whole drama I put up? Whatever the case was, I just knew this was the kind of person I wanted in my life.

****************

“Yea take care of you too dear” I said as I ended the call. Yes, you guessed right Kunle and I exchanged numbers and we’ve been talking for a while now.

Ever since after my break up with Mike I had turned from Sophia to only God knows what. I conditioned my mind with the constant thoughts that “All men are the same” but meeting Kunle changed everything. He was a different kind of being entirely. He had this kind of appeal that makes one want to know what is hatching in his mind. He had this gentleness that will make you want to believe he is a ritualist or some fraud and he had this patience that gives you the feeling that he is a player. But Kunle was none of those; He wasn’t a fraud, a player or ritualist, he was just a perfect embodiment of care and affection.

Well we got really close as expected but Kunle never asked me out. He never made any attempt to kiss me even when the air around us seemed brewed for that.

I started getting disturbed though I knew he was just being a friend but I had this conviction inside of me that there was something else about Kunle, something about us been close.

Well, Kunle became more of a personal counsellor to me since he studied psychology and within my three months of knowing him, so much changed about me. I did not become perfect Sophy but I became wiser and better.

One Friday evening at about 3:15, we were heading back to Peace estate after we went sight seeing at the Alabama ranch. “Can I take you on a surprise date?” Kunle asked softly but jokingly &ldquoate again? Its late o, you know I don’t like too much waka-about” I replied in a typical Nigerian accent.

“Please love, it won’t take long, just want to show you something” he pleaded. “Ok!” I shrugged while he trafficated and made the U-turn. We had driven for about 20 minutes and I was getting impatient “Where are we going? Kunle” I sounded disturbed.

“We will soon be there, just calm down”

Soon we appeared at Le’crates street and stopped in front of a house. Now I was getting really nervous but I kept calm to see the next unfolding drama. Kunle stepped out of the car and walked through the gate and I followed suit without saying a word.

He brought out the keys opened the door and beckoned for me to enter. It was a well furnished apartment but there was something shocking about the place. My portraits hung on all four sides of the walls! I stood in awe not knowing what to say then Kunle broke the silence.

“Sophy this may sound awkward but Michael asked me to bring you here. He said you always talked about having a house here in le’crates cause of the flowers and how wonderfully the enviroment inspires you to write”

I could barely move. I stood like a statue not knowing what to say or think “Michael?? So where is he” I mumured in surprise.

I did not want to believe what I was thinking “Is he dead? Is he dead??” I asked again with tears in my eyes.

“Michael has a heart condition, he had to break away from you so you could have time to heal and move on. He is only stationed for surgery but the surgery is not a sure guaranty too he has a 20:80 chance Sophy. This is his parting gift to you”

I felt drowned in but I was glad that he told me the truth and above all I was glad that Michael still loved me.

After much persuasion, Kunle agreed to take me to the hospital where Michael was admitted. We managed to get there just when he was about been taken to the theatre. I felt like ice water was poured on my feet, I saw Mike again.

He didn’t really seem surprise at my presence but he was overwhelmed with joy. It was written all over his now frail face.

&ldquoon’t ever leave me again” I whispered, staring deeply into his eyes. “All I wanted was to die and get relieved of this pain but seeing you again Sophy reminds me that being with you is worth a lifetime of pain. I will survive for you. Just pray for me” Micheal whispered too and placed his hands on my cheeks.

We kissed and it wasn’t the last!!

THE END.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-09 06:57:31

691 Views





Imagine, Philomena at age 18, What kind of a man would you like to marry?
Answer, I will like to marry, an handsome, tall, fair, rich man, who cares about my feelings.

Philomena at age 22, What kind of a man would you marry? Answer, A tall, good looking and moderately rich man.

Philomena at 30, What kind of a man would you marry?
Answer, Ehn, not so tall, not so handsome and just a middle class.

Philomena at 42, What kind of a man would you marry

Answer, Abeg, leave me!!! Man na Man.

Girls, if you don't stop selecting, you will end up loosing your dream Husband sent to you by God.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-09 06:26:49

490 Views



mortuary ride [Read it]


BIKE MAN: Where are you going to?
PROSTITUTE: I'm going to the mortuary. 
BIKE MAN: Sorry it's late, I can't drop you there except you pay me 3000 naira.
PROSTITUTE: No problem, when we get there, you'll be paid.


When they got to the mortuary, the prostitute said, "Wait here a second, let me go get you the money." 


When the man waited for an hour without seeing the prostitute, he decided to go in search of her. He pushed open the gate of the mortuary a little bit, took some steps in, before noticing someone, who appeared to be the mortuary attendant, lounging around:
 
ATTENDANT: How can I help you sir?
BIKE MAN: I gave a lady a ride to this place, she asked me to wait for her to go inside and get the money for the ride, but didn't come back.
ATTENDANT: No one entered here! So I don't know what you are talking about.


The bike man insisted and decided to stay and wait for the lady. The attendant thought for a while and asked him to follow him into the mortuary room. When they got there:


ATTENDANT: (He picks up a stick beside him, and points it towards the bodies) If you know you entered a bike and didn't pay, quickly raise up your hand and bring it out or else I will beat all of you with this stick!


Quickly, one of the dead bodies raised up her hand and threw the money at the bike rider. 


If you were the bike man, what will you do?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-27 21:17:07

271 Views




The sanctity of law can be maintained only so long as it is the expression of the will of the people.

~ Bhagat SinghRelated
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