Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:

Our Bed !!! [Read it]


At a small parish in rural England there lived a priest, and several nuns. One day, one of the older nuns was noticing that the rugs in the church were beginning to fray.
She went to the priest and told him, “Father, I believe your rugs need to be replaced soon.”
The priest thanked her for bringing it to his attention, and told her that he thought that she had been there long enough to refer to church property as ‘our’ not ‘your.’
Several days later, the same nun noticed that the hedge needed to be trimmed.
She again went to the priest and told him, “Father, I’ve noticed that your…I mean our hedge needs to be trimmed.”
The priest thanked her for again bringing something to his attention and this time asked her if she had seen his watch that had gone missing. She said she hadn’t, but assured him she would look for it.
A few days later the parish received word that the bishop would be coming for a visit. The entire parish was busy readying the church for the visit.
On the day the bishop arrived, the same nun came down the front stairs yelling, “Father! Father! I found your watch!”
The bishop said, “How wonderful my child. Where did you find it?”
After saying hello to the bishop, the nun turned to the priest and said, “I found it under OUR bed.”tempRelated

mama nkehi [Read it]


Food







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-27 14:15:30

533 Views




Macchar Marna Hai To “GOOD

KNIGHT” Se

Maro

..

..

..

..

..

..

WARNA ALL-OUT To PAKISTAN BHI HO JATA HAI ???? ????Related

She instantly felt different. She then
suspected that she was pregnant. This even
worsened her situation. Her being pregnant will
bring about issues she is not ready for. “I can’t be
pregnant, God come to my aid” she softly said and went back to her bed. She was so much
worried about her condition that she completely
forgot about the dream she had. The following
morning Mansa was up early and had already
began her house chores. Kuu was getting ready to
go out when he saw Mansa at the kitchen. Apparently, they have not been able to speak for
long due to the busy schedule of Kuu.
Somewhere deep inside Kuu, he was a bit jealous
of how Mansa and Chris had suddenly become
very close. He was missing her company even
though they lived under the same roof. He went to kitchen to say hi to her before leaving. “Hey
Mansa, where have you been hiding yourself?”
Kuu asked. “I should be asking you that. You are
the busy one, remember?” Mansa said. “Yeah sis, i
will admit that. Anyway, how about me taking
you out tonight? Kuu asked. “Really? I will love that but you know Mum may not agree. She said.
“Don’t worry, leave that to me, just get yourself
ready by the time i come home tonight”, he said
and left her at the kitchen. Chris was all along
eavesdropping when Kuu was talking to Mansa.
He quickly ran back to his room when Kuu was getting out of the kitchen. Fortunately for him,
Kuu never saw him. An unusual thing happened
that morning soon after Kuu had left for the
meeting. Chris was in his room when all of a
sudden he heard shouts coming from the
hallway. The person was screaming as if he/she was being possessed. Chris got to see who it was,
it was his mother. Mansa had also heard Mrs.
Amposah screaming and was already at the
hallway trying to find out what was really going
on. Mrs. Amposah refused to talk to anyone, she
was sweating and panting as if she has been running a marathon. She quickly went to the
living room and sat there, completely ignoring
everyone. Mansa and Chris were in shock of the
attitude of Mrs. Amposah, however there was
nothing they could do than to wait for her to calm
down. Chris then rushed to his mother’s room to check if there was anyone there, but to his
surprise the room was looking normal as always.
Before he knew, Mrs Amposah had gone back to
her room. She took a quick shower and without
saying a word to anyone, she hurriedly left home.
This kept Chris and Mansa really worried. What was really going on? On the other hand, Chris was
excited that he was once again left alone with
Mansa. This means he will probably take a step
further. He came up with a plan. Mansa was the
type of lady who respected people’s privacy. With
this, she never had the guts to either enter into Kuu or Chris’s room. Chris however wanted to
have a way of luring her into his room that very
morning. The pregnancy of his girlfriend Asabea
never bothered him. He never called her after the
confrontation. All his focus was to get Mansa into
his bed. Mansa on the other hand, went out to get a pregnancy test kit. She wanted to be sure if she
was pregnant or not. This gave room for Chris to
figure out what to do to let Mansa into his room.
He suddenly covered himself up with a cloth and
laid on the living room sofa. He was faking
sickness. Mansa in no time came to find him lying on the sofa. As caring as she was, she quickly
rushed to him to check on him. “what’s wrong
with you Chris?” She asked. “i don’t really know, i
have pains all over and a serious headache. I’m
feeling cold and weak too and the worst of it is
that i can feel my heart beat faster than usual, Mansa i’m getting sick. ” Chris told the biggest lie
of the century. “let me get you some drugs from
the first aid kit.” Mansa said. “Yeah, before you do
that, kindly help me to my room” said Chris.
Mansa helped Chris up, and slowly walked him
into his room. Chris had succeeded. What was his next plan of action? Shortly after they went in,
Mrs. Amposah came back looking more calmer
now. Wherever she went must have been very
helpful in calming her down. She opened the
door leading to the living room and found a black
polythene bag lying carelessly on the living room carpet. She went and took it, only to find out that,
it had the pregnancy test kit in it. Apparently,
Mansa had left it behind when she was taking
Chris to his room. Mrs. Amposah wondered who it
belonged to. She then went straight to Mansa’s
room but she was not there. She went to the kitchen but met her absence. She checked the
whole house but Mansa was no where to be
found. Mrs. Amposah then decided to go and
check on his beloved son who must be worried
about her with her strange attitude earlier that
morning. She went closer to Chris door, and pushed the door opened.


>>

"Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”. The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?” Was that funny? tell us in the comment section below#AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-21 21:00:20

335 Views




Teacher: "What is 1+1?
Children: "8"
Teacher: "Correct"
Teacher: "What is 2+5?"...
Children: "14
" Teacher: "Correct"
Teacher: "What is 4+6?
Children: "20
"Teacher: "Good, it will remain like that until
government pays my salary!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-09-11 14:03:31

150 Views



PRISON IN BED [Read it]


He got married to a Virgin, on their wedding night d lady said honey i havnt had sex b4 so i dnt kno hw its done pls teach me. D man turned to her nd said ur private tin is a prison nd mine is a prisoner all we hav to do is to put d prisoner in d prison d wife smiled nd noded in agreement. After d first round d wife was so excited cuz she enjoyed it so she turned to her hus nd said honey d prisoner has escaped d man smiled nd said "lets imprison him again". After d second round the man was so
exusted he fell face up on d other side of d bed. den d wife turnd to him again and said "honey d
prisoner haz escaped lets imprison him again" d man did not want 2 disapoint his eager wife so he pretended as if he waz ok nd their goes d third round. After d third round d man wz over exusted nd wz breatin heavily. D wife couldnt hav enough of her new experience so she turnd to her hus again "honey d prisoner has escaped again" d man imidiately turnd to her nd shouted "let him go it wasn't a life sentence!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-27 12:32:09

14457 Views




Chand Sa Tera Masoom Chehra Tu Haya Kee Ek Murat Hai;

Tujhe Dekh Ke Kaliyan Bhi Sharmaye Tu Itni Khoobsurat Hai!Related

Akpos, a Ghanian, just got admissioninto one of the Nigerian institutions. Atthe first day of lecture, the followingconversation erupted..... The Lecturersaid, "let's begin by reviewing someNigerian history." The Lecturer asked who said, "I shall return to die in theland of my fathers?" She saw a sea ofblank faces, except for Akpos, whohad his hand up. Akpos replied: "KingJaja of Opobo, 1875" "very good!" saidlecturer. Then,she asked again, who said, "The land use act will feed thenation?" Again, no response exceptfrom Akpos:"Obasanjo, 1976."TheLecturer snapped at the class; "class,you shouldbe ashamed. Akpos, who isnew to our Country, knows more about our history than you do." The Lecturerheard a loud whisper:"Ghana must go"."who said that?" shedemanded, Akposput his hand up,"Buhari 1984." At thatpoint, a student at the back scornfullysaid; "Hmmm, you think you are smart?" The Lecturer glared and asked;"All right! Now, who said that?" Again,Akpos said,"Babangida toAbiola,1992." Hmmm, a Student at theback smilled "I dey laugh ooh" Akpossmilled back and said Obasanjo to Atiku 2001. Now furious, another studentyelled;"Oh yeah! Eat this!" Akposjumped out of his chair waving hishand and shouting to the Lecturer,"Indian mistress giving an apple toAbacha, 1998" Now, with almost mob hyseria, someone said; "You little shit. Ifyou say anything else, I'll kill you."Akpos frantically yelled at the top ofhisvoice; "Chris Uba to Ngige, 2004!"The Lecturer fainted, and as the classgathered around her on the floor, someone said; "Oh shit, we're in Bigtrouble now!" Akpos whispered;"Chimaroke Nnamani, Ayodele Fayoseand Lucky Igbinedon 2007" Someoneangrily said; "Dont answer him, he is afool" Akpos smiled nd replied; "Obansanjo to IBB, 2011" Now, theLecturer managed to get up and askedAkpos; pls, who're you? Show yourself.. Akpos jumped, yelled and said;Jonathan to BOKO HARAM, 2012


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-23 14:18:16

524 Views




People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.

~ Mark TwainRelated

Continue part*****

We arrived at the police station and as barr Wilson has promised he was already there waiting for me,he told me not to say a word that I should allow him do the talking, then we went inside,just as I have feared I was asked to take off my wears because I will be pit inside the Ceil I knew this wasn't an invitation as I was about to speak out barr Wilson spoke out, "before my client here will do that I want to see the D.P.O and I want to also know the case filed against him",the police men could not dare to opposed him because they know who he was,immediately we were directed to the D.P.O office.

We were welcome warmly by the D.P.O and was offered a sit,the D.P.O was maybe at his 40's that makes me wonder how he got to this level this young, "I am barr Wilson and this is my client Mr uyi,your boys came to pick him from his house this morning that he was invited here only to be told now that the invitation was an arrests, I want to know his offense" Barr Wilson spoke out,immediately the D.p.o apology for the behavior of his boys,"Mr uyi are you sure you don't know why you are called" the D.p.o asked me, I looked at him with confusion writing all over my face,"no I don't,that's why am here to see you",I told him,the D.p.o looked at me for sometime then brought out a file he passed it to Barr Wilson,he went through it then looked at me in silent, what is really going on.

I was later told that a case was reopened you readers already know by who,the D.p.o said it was an arrest not an invitation, hell no I can't stay a single day in the Ceil I will die before daybreak,barr Wilson battled with the D.p.o,he won't allow me stay here never, thank God he came with me if not I really can't say.

They later end their discussion by concluding that I will report to the station anytime I was needed, we thanked the D.p.o and left,I walked Barr Wilson to his car,that was were he told me how serious the case will be because I was a wanted person in Edo state,he also said the case will be charge to court,so because of that the case will be trefered to benin city because it was were it all started,God, so I will go down for what I didn't do alone, I told barr Wilson I was ready for the worst but he gave me the assurance that all will work in my favour,we later went our way.

As I drove home many things came flashing on my mind,how did I end up this way,how will I get Mimi back now ,does she till have feelings for me,God how will I come out of this,should I let her go,no I can't I love her too much,she is already a part of me.

"Jesusssss" what just happen,my hand was till place on my car tire,I was shaking yes I was too deep into my thought to know what just happened, I really don't know what I really hit,if it was a human being or something, i quickly got down from the car,God what I saw makes me hate everything about my life,the body of a little girl was laying almost lifeless on the ground, I was just dumbfounded, I looked my left and right but found no one, I have to help her I can't let her life waste this way,I quickly carried her to the back of my car sit and drove off in high speed.

God please help me don't let this happen to me,I don't want to add to another problem to the one I am already in,Rape case dey wait for me now I wan put murder to support am,God forbid, God help me.

Next part


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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HOMEWORK [Read it]


okoh:Akpos can you please help me do my homework.
Akpos: sure why not
Okoh: what's is the next country after USA
Akpos: USB
one word for Akpos


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-26 02:02:30

472 Views




F I INSERT... (18+)
A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.
After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke. "Well, sister, this looks pretty grim."
"I know, Father. In fact, I don't think it's likely that we can survive more than a day or two."
"I agree. Sister... since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, will you do something for me?"
"Anything, Father."
"I have never seen a woman's breasts and I wonder if I might see yours."
"Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm." The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting on their beauty.
"Sister, would you mind if I touched them?"
She consented and he fondled them for several minutes.
"Father, may I ask something of you?"
"Yes, Sister?"
"I have never seen a man's pen!s. May I see yours?"
"I suppose that would be OK," the priest replied, lifting his robe.
"Oh, Father, may I touch it?" This time the priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection. "Sister, you know that if I insert my pen!s in the right place, it can give life." "Is that really true, Father?" "Yes, it is, Sister." Oh, Father, that's wonderful. Stick it in the camel and let's get the hell out of here!"

Loº°??°ºo llzz


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-04 19:59:24

1416 Views




Me:” I love you..

.

Girl:” Shutup..

.

Me:” I Like you..

.

Girl:” Shutup..

.

Me:” I Miss you..

.

Girl:” Shutup..

.

.

.

Me:” you are really pretty !!

.

.

Girl:” Really ??

.

.

.

.

Me:” SHUTUP…. :p ???? ;p



***BLOCKED***Related

Market Price [Read it]


One woman stole a chicken from her neighbour.

She decided to go to the market to sell it.

At the market, another woman stole it from her.

She
was returning from the market with frustration when her friends who saw
her when she was going to the market with the chicken, asked her, How
much did you sell the chicken?

She replied, I sold it with the same price i used in buying it.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-10 07:35:32

660 Views



Can u read this [Read it]


Brain Study:If you can read this you have a strong MIND.

7H15 M3554G3
53RV35 7O PR0V3
H0W 0UR M1ND C4N
D0 AM4Z1NG 7H1NG5!
1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG!
17 W45 H4RD BU7
Y0UR M1ND 15
R34D1NG 17
4U70M471C4LLY
W17H0U7 3V3N
7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,
B3 PR0UD! 0NLY
C3R714N P30PL3 C4N
R34D 7H15
PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F
U C4N R34D 7H15 #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-27 21:57:52

509 Views




A Boy traveled to Lagos after his WAEC result was out so that his Uncle will help him get admission into the University of Lagos to study medicine and become a medical doctor.rnrnThe following conversation came up:rnBoy: Uncle, I learnt it's difficult to gain admission into the university these days except you are well connectedrnrnUncle: That's true.rnrnBoy: Since you are connected, I came to ask you if you can help me get admission into the university after my JAMBrnrnUncle: That's true... am connected and I will help urnrnBoy: Thank you UnclernrnUncle: You're welcome... so how is your result, is it WAEC or NECO and how many credits did you get?rnrnBoy: Uncle, it's WAEC, I had only two credits in agric and Yorubarnlanguage but I failed the restrnrnUncle: Well, that's not bad, you can still be a doctor, not a medical doctor really but native doctor (babalawo).... You will use your credit in agric in collecting herbs from the forest, and Yoruba language for incantations.rn Dont laugh alone....share now


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-05 00:20:48

592 Views



Marriage wahala [Read it]



BEFORE MARRIAGE.....

HE: Yes. At last! It was so hard to wait.

SHE: Do you want me to leave?

HE: No! Don't even think about it!

SHE: Do you love me?

HE: Of course! Over and over.

SHE: Have you ever cheated on me?

HE: No! Why are you even asking?

SHE: Will you kiss me?

HE:Every chance I get.

SHE: Will you hit me?

HE: Are you crazy? I am not that kind of person.

SHE: Can I trust you?

HE: Yes

SHE: Darling!

...............AFTER MARRIAGE

SIMPLY READ FROM BOTTOM TO TOP




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-31 22:45:55

549 Views




Be sincere.... What is the first thing that will come to your mind?







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-21 09:53:29

601 Views




What is the Hollywood movie made for ‘fasting’ ladies?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

‘Fast and Furious’

One day Fast, 364 days Furious!

Happy Karwa Chauth!Related

Best yrs [Read it]


A famous inspirational speaker was speaking to
an audience and he said, "Best years of my life
were spent in
the arms of a woman, who wasn't my wife. "
The audience was silent and in shock.
Then he added, "She was my mother."
Laughter and a big round of applause.
A very daring husband tried to crack this at
home. After dinner,
he said loudly to his wife in the kitchen, "Best
years of my life were spent in the arms of a
woman, who wasn't
my wife."
He stood for a moment trying to recall the
second line of that speaker.
By the time he regained his consciousness, he
was on a hospital bed, recovering from burns
caused by boiling water!...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-21 13:24:00

539 Views




To the outside world we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other’s hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time.

~ Clara OrtegaRelated

Exam gombe [Read it]


Akpos and his friend were in the exam hall writing their final exam.Ade his friend has studied well,while akpos red nothing.This is the conversation between them below
Supervisor-ten minutes remaining
Akpos-Ade hwfr,have you finished?
Ade-Am done with the theory,but am almos through with the obj
Akpos-Pls! Have not written anything.Give me your anwser paper i should copy quickly
Ade-That? Okay take,and copy fast
Akpos-thank you
Supervisor-get ready to stop
Ade-ade give me my paper,we would stop in some seconds time
Akpos-i dont think i can give you oo.The thing is many,and i cant copy all of them.So i wrong your name and wrote mine on it
Ade-what!
Supervisor-stop

Pls if you are ade what will you do?.....Kindly drop your comment.Lets make this site lively


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-03 13:44:20

934 Views




Why I can't love ????

Episode 7

The disabled in society are really suffering. Discrimination, stigma, social rejection, I went through some from my co-workers. It was as if I was a monster to the people at the office. They talked to me the way they liked, some even said I was the devil's incarnate so they don't come closer to me. After work I used to be the last person to leave the office simply because I needed them to leave before I follow if not they would make me feel bad through their backbiting . I was actually sent to the district education office to work as a deputy to the procurement officer. Naturally I was a very hardworking person who will always make sure I completed my tasks in time and accepted other duties outside my job description. One day, as part of my responsibilities, I submitted my department's second quarter report to the district director. After checking it, congratulated me for doing a very good work. He asked me to tell him more about myself. I managed to tell him as much as my memory could recollect. Ranging from how Richmond treated me to how Williams died and finally how I became one eyed person. He felt very sorry for me and promised of making life better for me with regards to my position at the office. He said he will make sure I was promoted and promised a whole lot of packages for me. After saying all that he has for me, I asked permission to leave to my office. As soon as i got to the gate of his office, He mentioned my name and asked me to stop. " don't you want to continue your life with another man? " he asked. "Sorry sir I don't understand what you mean. " I responded. He said he will call me after work so I was free to go. I thanked him and left. I realized a smile on his face before I left. I tried to understand what this man was driving at but couldn't find the meaning . Just as expected, his call came in immediately it was 4:30pm. By then, even though work has closed, I was waiting for the other people to leave before I go. As I already said, they always look down upon me and constantly finding faults on me. The director called and asked where I was at that very moment. I told him I was in my office. He asked why I was still there but I told him I had wanted to finish with some work before leaving. He said if that was the case then he will wait for me so that he could give me a lift home. In about 15mins later, I called and informed him that I was ready. While in the car going, I asked him to explain the question he asked me back at his office. This was what he said; " Esther " I responded. " For the past few weeks, I have being observing and I realized that you are a very hardworking person. I felt bad hearing about your past experiences when it comes to relationship. I know you are still mourning your beloved William. His soul rest in peace though. I would have married you myself had it not to be the fact that am already married and besides, am not very sure you will like to marry a sugar daddy like me. " I laughed upon hearing him say he was a sugar daddy ????. He continued " I spoke to my son who is currently at the states about you. He also had similar situation as you . He lost his wife on the day of their honeymoon through same accident three years ago. He has decided not to marry again because he loved his wife so much. But upon telling him about your condition, he felt interested in you. His name is Francis. Because of you, he will be coming to Ghana to see you and finally propose. Please don't let me down when he comes. " Sir but you are not being fair to me, you could have consulted me for my opinion before asking him to come down to Ghana. I will disappoint you sir. It will be difficult for me to forget my William. I have decided not to be engaged to anyone again. I also needed some time to mourn my William. I will be cheating on him if I should get engaged to another man. This is because William died because of me and am not ready to let someone take over his place in my heart " I explained to him. He spoke to me at length just trying to convince me to accept his offer. I also told him that no young man will ever crave for a lady with my conditions. He said I should stop worrying about that because his son doesn't crave for beauties bought in the store but for natural ladies. His wife who died was not even close to your beauty but he loved her just because of her character. She was humble, smart, God fearing and also lively to be with. This are some of the characteristics I saw in you which made me feel that you will be a very good fit for my son. I know you even have more to offer. You go and think and pray about this when you get home. William is gone for Christ sake but life must go on. The Holy Book even made it clear that we should let the dead bury their dead and that is because life is a journey. This journey got a lot of junctions. People will branch to their junctions when they get there. Must you wait for them to come back to the main road before you continue driving? Certainly not. So my dear Esther, gather courage and let go of the past. Your late William even knows that you loved him but what happened was an accident. As I already said, pray over what I just told you and make a decision for yourself. " he added. I started shedding tears as he mentioned William as 'late William '. I thanked him for the inspiration he gave me and I told him I will do just as he said. Soon, we got to my house and I alighted. I lived in a compound house with one of the workers from the secretariat so she saw me getting down from the director's car. Quickly, she phoned a friend back at the office and gossiped to her that I was going out with the director. People won't have evidence before reporting issues????. The lady she gossiped to had wanted to go out with the director but because the director was very much committed to his wife, he wouldn't compromise his stance. I couldn't sleep early that night. I used almost the whole night to think of what the director told me. At dawn, I phoned my mother and told her everything. She also asked me to give the gentleman the chance since it was his own father that recommended me to him. But my mother asked me to come back home so that we could think through it very well. The following day at the office, as I was seated planning of how to do my stock taking, the lady I was reported to came and said "Madam husband snatcher, know that the director is married oo. Don't think he will give you the chance. Just stop it because it won't work. Or do you even think he is looking for people with one eye? " " Oh Madam please have I offended you in anyway? And what shows am interested in the director? " I responded. She added "there is nothing called secret in this world anymore. Or you think we are not seeing your movements? Continue hopping into his car and the day his wife will get you that is where you will know where the power lies. " She walked out on me after saying that. I never got the reason for her actions. I called the director and reported what she came to do. That was when the director told me about her behavior at the office. He asked me not to mind her actions. He also asked me whether I have decided on what he told me the previous day. I asked him to give me a week for me to organize myself. I said so because I wanted to go see my mother before making a final decision. He agreed to my request. Over the weekend, I went home to see my parents. They were actually happy to see how good I was looking. In fact money is always good...life without money is annoyance????. Had it not been the case that I had everything on my side, I would have looked very wretched. In the evening, I put the issue before them. They seem to be happy to hear that so they also encouraged me to accept Francis. On the Sunday of that weekend, I went to church with them. At the church, I prayed for Gods direction. After the church service, I returned to my place because I would be going to work the following day. I called the director after I closed from work and informed him that I have accepted his request. He was happy to hear that. Not knowing Francis was already around. He informed me that his son Francis was already in Ghana just waiting for my response. I felt shy when he said that????. He gave the phone to Francis for him to speak with me. I hardly heard what Francis was saying because he was trying to slung. I asked him if he can't speak like a typical Ghanaian. He laughed. We scheduled a date and time to meet. He had wanted to come to the school but I didn't like that idea. We planned to meet on a Friday after school. After school that fateful Friday, he called and I directed him to my house." Waow! come and see the type of car he brought(Range Rover). Very expensive of course. I told myself that this guy must be very rich. Francis was an occult which I never knew. We went out that evening where the official proposal was made. I accepted the proposal. Not knowing by the demand of his occult, he was to marry a disabled person and after telling his masters about me, they agreed for him to marry me. Oh my God!!! Why must it always be me?

Life with Francis 'the occult' was something else. Follow me to the next episode.

The next episode will shortly. Don't forget to leave your comments.

Episode 8 loading.......



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Lia narrates

I was woken up to the constant ringing of my phone. I had to get up reluctantly to pick it up. I checked to see the caller and was surprised to see MUMMY ELE CALLING , I was so surprised because she has never called since she collected my number, I knew something was definitely amiss. I looked at my wristwatch on the side stool and discovered it was almost 11am. Ooooppsss!, I had overslept. Without much ado, I picked up the call.
Me: Hello ma, good morning ma, greeted respectfully

Mummy Ele: Morning my daughter, how are you?, sounds like you’re just waking up.

Me: I’m fine ma, yes ma, I just woke up guess my voice says it all, I said enthusiastically.

Mummy Ele: Have you seen or heard from my son since yesterday?

Me: No ma

Mummy Ele: he didn’t come home yesterday. Dija said he stayed he stayed over at your place when called her yesterday night but neither her number nor my son’s number has gone through since 5am this morning when I started trying it. I’m deeply worried.

Me: I’m sorry ma, I’ll try to call his number then contact you if I get any from or about him.

Mummy Ele: Thank you so much my daughter, may God bless you.

Me: Amen!, its nothing ma.

Mummy Ele: bye for now my daughter, take care of yourself, maybe I’ll give my son to you, will you marry him despite his big head she said laughing for the first time since the conversation began.

Me: hahahaaa mum…m..y

Mummy Ele: By for now my daughter.

Me: bye ma

And she hung up the call. Almost immediately I heard my mom voice banging on my door, asking me to open. I obliged as mom rushed in to jack my night gown.

“How on earth did you get involved in a murder’s case?, what did you do yesterday night?”, my mom ask shedding tears. Some police men are here to take you away, so change up. I stood still without moving still yet to recover from the shock.

“Be fast”, my mom screamed in tears which I obeyed as I changed from my pyjamas to a short blue gown before following my mum out.

We got to the parlour to see daddy in hot argument with the police men who were waiting outside.

“You still haven’t told us why you’re taking her away, why would you from nowhere to accuse my daughter of an unknown crime?”, my dad was taking to no officer in particular.

They didn’t seem to have time for his nagging as they walked me into their waiting van. My dad and mum insisted to come with me as they both hopped into the van with me as it zoomed off.

———————————————————-
Ele narrates

I was thrown into another kind of cell different from the one i slept last night about five hours now. A bigger smaller cell but I was how the only prisoner there and I couldn’t fathom why.

I was so surprised to find out Dija was a minister’s daughter and I entered a minister’s house.

Everything felt like a dream, everything that has happened in less than 24 hours, from Queency’s hugging a guy to my birthday party being ruined, to being put in the police net back to back. God if only I could escape this kasala.

My mind flashed back to the kiss and hug Dija gave me, how she took the hit for me, all the other help she has rendered that has gone unnoticed by me. I then realised how much I’ve been treating her like a recluse. Dija definitely had a thing for me or she could be doing it for friendship purpose. Dunno what think. I just pray she survive because that’s the only way I could survive. Its a known fact the dead cannot talk. I began to sing flavor’s song, SPECIAL ONE out loud. Who cares? Since I’m all alone here..




They can say what they wanna say
They can do what they wanna do
What we share is supernatural
And its real
In fact its been written from the start,
That you and I would never part
What we share is supernatural
And its true
When you call my name
Ill be there with you
I’ll be your helping hands
I’ll never let you down
Come rain, come sun
My love will still remain
Because I’ve found the special one
Oh yes I’ve found the special one
Its you...



The song made my thought drifted to one of the assassin’s message purportedly from Queency, I LOVE WITH PASSION AND I HATE WITH PASSION. I couldn’t still remember anything I did aside walking out on her and her misconception of th scenario where she saw Dija and I. Oluwa will take control, I prayed hopefully.

Just then, a scream of my name jolted me out of my reverie. I didn’t notice I was being called up by two of officers because I had drifted deep into the world of soliloquies.

“You nah dey hear word again, nah small remain, I for don nack you this condo for head, see him big head , nothing dey there, no wonder dem dey accuse you for murder, you better wise up”, a handsome average height police officer vomited his frustration on me as I kept mute.

“Wetin you still dey do for ground abi you dey enjoy this place?, get up and follow me now”, the handsome police officer ordered as I followed him and his colleague to the counter.

On getting to the counter, I met Queency behind the counter too to my greatest surprise. She wanted to say something but i wouldn’t hear any of it as I boned my face like someone who was high on ROM overdose. I looked up and saw Queency’s parent along with mine. We both bend our head down in shame.

“You’re free to go!, the real murders has been caught!, the D.P.O said while Queency and I looked distraught and confused as to what happened. Queency and I were giving our belongings as we left we our different parents who kept malice with each other as our mother’s wept.

I saw as Queency’s dad tried to start up a conversation but my daddy acted like he was seeing a statue. I wouldn’t blame him, which father would be happy with a culprit who attempted to murder his only begotten son.

Queency and i both signed some unnecessary documents, along with our parents before we left for our different home.

—————————————————————
Khadijat narrates

I was laughing out loud with Auto in the ICU ward. Our mission was complete. I couldn’t believe such things could work till I put it to practice. When I first suggested using the blood of a pig, Auto, Manual and the rest of the team laughed at me. We successfully carried out the plan after much practice.

All Manual did was stab the place I had the nylon of pig’s blood strapped to my back several times and not only Ele but my parents who came unexpectedly were fooled. We already arranged with the police to take special care of Ele and frame some other hoodlums for the case.

I got the doctor to my side by threatening to reveal some illegal abortion case which he did leading to death of victims of which almost no one was aware of.

I had ordered him not to allow anyone see me for at least a week to make our little show more convincing.

“Who am I?” I asked standing up arms akimbo.

“Dija D Devil Diva”, Manual and Auto replied with smiles beaming all over their faces.

“Who am i?”, I asked once again in a high pitched voice.

“Dija D Devil Diva”, they chorused in simultaneously.
Satisfied with my deserved praise, “how’s Ledan”, I proceeded to ask about Ele’s dad.

“I’m sorry I forgot to tell you but something came up, we found a boy almost half dead, he said his name was Duno, he delivered a poison called Arsenic to Ledan while Ledan attempted to kill him but didn’t succeed because he thought Duno would not survive the stabbing”, Auto explained.

“What the Hades?”, I remarked in immense anger, “you knew of such an important issue all this while but didn’t tell me”, I said looking at both who were both face down.

“We are sorry ma”, they both said simultaneously.

“Sorry won’t solve the issue, must I dictate everything for you?”, you guys should try to use your brains for once”, I remarked angrily while they both stayed silent.

“Lia and her family is in danger!, I won’t kill my besty for a guy, I want her to be alive to see how I’ll take what rightfully belongs to me, that’s true victory”, I said.

“Yes ma’am”, they replied.
“Here’s what you will do!”, I said as they they came closer to take the instruction.

“Wow!, what a stupendous idea ma’am”, you’re so full of surprises, education is not the true test of knowledge, you’re a true novelty, a rarity indeed”, Auto said on reaction to my novel idea.

“Enough of the praises, hurry up and save Lia and her family please”, I ordered as they left in haste.

—————————————————————
Ledan narrates

I waited for Akande house girl to meet me at the planned location an uncompleted building close to the place I had met deceased Duno days ago.
She was a brown skinned 19 years old girl who was a beauty to behold. She had come to work for the Akande late last year in order to make enough money to further her education. I had a hard time convincing her so i had to hold her bro hostage who was her only surviving family member before she could succumb to my biddings. I sighted Rhoda from afar, in no time she got to where I was.

“Good evening sir, please is my brother okay?”, she asked in a concerned voice coupled with a worried look.

“He will be alright as long as you do as you’re told, either your bro die or they die”, I replied her threateningly.

“I’ve done what you asked me Sir, I’ve poisoned their food, please don’t hurt my brother, he’s all I got, you can hurt me instead”, she replies pleadingly.
I figured out it was time to carry the next part of my plan, something I had fantasized about for a while.

“Hope no one knows of this thing you’re doing?”, I asked in a commanding tone.
“No sir, I swear to God, only you and i know”, Rhoda replied.

“Come here Rhoda”, I requested as she naively came closer. I dragged her roughly to a corner of the room in the uncompleted building, pushed her to the floor, and had forceful canal knowledge of her as she pleaded and struggled to no avail since she was no match for me in strength. After I had satisfied my lustful pleasure I gave her Rohypnol so she would forget everything that happened.

———————————————————————-
Lia narrates

Mom served us the food Rhoda had cook in the morning after she had warmed it. We sat down around the dining table staring at our food each of us unable to look at each others eyes.

“Let’s eat!”, dad finally broke the silence for the first time since we left the station this morning.


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A woman calls her husband into the bedroom. “Now Mike, I want you to take off my blouse!”

“Good!”

“Now I also want you to take off my Bra.”

“Good…”

“Now can you take off my panties.”

“Very Good! Now, don’t let me catch you wearing them again!”Related

Real Magic [Read it]


This is what I call magic mathematics! Bring out your calculator and do this:
1. Take the last digit of your phone number.
2. Multiply by 2
3. Add 5
4. Multiply by 50
5. Add 1765
6. Subtract your year of birth
7. You will get three digits
8. The first digit is the last digit of your phone number
9. The remaining digits are your actual age...
AM I CORRECT?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-03 02:31:22

448 Views




Lady Doctor: Mat Sharmayo, Khol Ke

Dikhayo.. Maine Pehle Bahut Dekhe Hain,

Kiya Problem Hain, Main Check Karungi.?



Pappu : Meri GF Ko Lagta Hain Ke Mere

Lund Ka Taste Fika Hain..! ????Related

Learn from the masses, and then teach them.Related

OREGUN BOYS (STORY BY DINDY) EPISODE 1
Please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this story.
This story contains 5 episodes only and may contain trashy talks, thanks for reading.
:......

Welcome to the land where life is fun all day long, where there is no dull moment, where everyday is fun time. Where businesses moves and transactions are made.
Welcome to the land of Oregun, Welcome to our land and zone, welcome to the place of hustling.
We are Oregun boys, we hustle more than the hustlers that hustle in the streets of oregun.
We work hard 24/7 Just to get the money. Money and girls is all that matters. Clubbing is the best way we have fun.
Oregun is our home and life, we breathe and stand for Oregun.
Oregun boys are hot and on fire, so don't try us because we might just take you down to the land of the death.
We are citizens of Oregun, we are Oregun itself and this is our story.
:........
:........
Micheal: "Oh boy yesterday night was hot!", he said expressing his excitement.
Frank: "Asin ehn, see as n*ked babes just dey scatter for us", he said demonstrating how it happened.
Godwin: "I no even know when I finish my money on top that girl big yellow fanny", he said.
Chuks: "Mehn those babes bad o", he said.
Segun: "Oh boy me carry one enter one room o, the babe wan kill me on top bed", he said.
Micheal, Frank, Godwin, Chuks, and Segun had gone to a nightclub on Friday night which was super amazing. The club was a strippers club filled with n*ked young ladies.
Godwin: "[Laughs] no be you go carry wetin pass you", he said.
Micheal: "Shey I warn you Segun, but you no hear, you think say na your cock long pass", he said.
Frank: "Segun you done forget say na me get the biggest fattest and longest cock", he said with a smile.
Chuks: "Frank you lie, na me. Abi you done forget the last girl wey we enter her cunt the same day, the scores wey she give us", he said.
Frank: "Forget your side jare, that day I just dey sick", he said.
Godwin: "[Laughs] na lie, Shey na all of us here do the bet and she agree, and Chuks win you", he said.
Chuks: "Thank God say all of Una dey there that day. Segun you be my boy na", he said.
Segun: "I don hear, but know say one day I go beat you for the game", he said.
Chuks: "E no go ever happen", he said.
Chuks: "Guys we must to reach that place today again o, my thing still dey scratch me badly", he said.
Chuks: "The drinks wey I drink no allow me enter cunt o, and I need am badly", he said rubbing his private part.
Segun: "[Laughs] Ah Chuks you too like To-square", he said laughing.
Frank: "[Smiles] Segun you don start again, which one be To-square?", he asked with a smile on his face.
Micheal: "[Laughs] Na t*to dey fear am to talk o", he said laughing.
Godwin: "No mind Segun, him go dey claim good boy but Na him like t*to pass all of us", he said.
Frank: "Godwin you no lie jare, Na Segun like t*to pass", he said.
Micheal: "Chia!, all of Una done spoil finish see the kin thing we Una dey talk this early saturday morning when 8 never reach", he said squeezing his face and folding his hands.
Chuks: "Shut up jare, ashewo like you", he said making all of them to burst into laugher.
Micheal: "[Laughs] Yeye boy", he said.
Segun: "Chai!, I just remember something o", he said.
Frank: "Wetin be that?", he asked.
Segun: "Linda tell me say she go come with her friend today", he said.
Godwin: "Wait shey Na with that her fine oyimbo friend Cindy?", he asked with his face all lightened up.
Segun: "Yes Na she", he said.
Micheal: "Guy I go come your house o", he said.
Frank: "No just try am o, na me get that fresh fish", he said.
Chuks: "Make una no try am o, Una go allow me first enter am then leave the remaining for una", he said.
Godwin: "Make una better stop this joke, Na me tell Segun make him arrange the babe for me", he said.
Segun: "No be lie, the babe Na for Godwin", he said.
Chuks: "See na me senior Una for here o, so na me suppose taste am first", he said.
Frank: "Senior ke, na just months you use take senior us here", he said.
Chuks: "Shut up, I be 18years now and Una still be 17+ una never reach my age", he said with a smile.
Micheal: "[Laughs] you be real case this boy Chuks", he said.
Segun: "Abeg make I dey go, before she come", he said.
Godwin: "Guy wait make we go together", he said as he followed Segun.
Segun and Godwin left leaving Frank, Micheal, and Chuks there to continue chatting.
Frank: "Thank God say them don go", he said.
Micheal: "Why you talk so?", he asked.
Chuks: "Hmmm, Frank your way no pure o", he said.
Frank: "Na your own con pure pass abi Chuks", he said as he brought out something from his side pocket.
Chuks: "[Smiles] Correct guy, as if you know wetin I need now", he said.
Micheal: "Guy why you no bring am out since na, see as cold dey catch me", he said.
Frank: "Guy no vex, if I bring am out Segun and Godwin go finish am one time", he said as he gave Micheal and Chuks part of the substance he brought out of his pocket.
Micheal: "Chuks I hope say you hold lighter?", he asked.
Chuks: "Sure na, always on me", he said as he brought out the lighter from his pocket and lightened up his weed.
Frank: "This weed strong o, I buy am for one of my consumer hand. The guy tell me say na the new weed wey dey in town now", he said as he took the lighter from Chuks and lightened up his weed.
Micheal: "Nice, Chuks no go rush this one o", he said collecting the lighter from Frank then lightened up his weed.
They smoked puffing thick smoke into the air, spoiling the atmosphere with the smell of weed....... To be continue.
STORY BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI
contact me on
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Email: [email protected]
or
Email: [email protected] Facebook: Ossy andy Nnamdi
Skype: 07087750433
or
Skype: [email protected]
Twitter: @nnamdiossy
INSTAGRAM: @ossynnamdi.









NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Pappu: My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.

Bunty: She’s damn right. So what did you do about it?

Pappu: So now I have two.Related

akpos d helper [Read it]


Akpos was working as maid but d woman husband is not always around akpos work hard and always want to help madam any work she is doing one day madam was bathing and akpos say should i help madam shouted go away no help ONE WORD FOR AKPOS


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-20 08:17:33

393 Views




Akpos go join di Nigeria Army.
After di hard training wey im
receive, Akpos successfully pass
out from The Nigeria Army. For
pass out ceremoney na so oga
commandant dey assign posting.
Commdt: Ambali kuka!
Ambali: Sir!
Commdt: Posted to Kogi State.
Ambali: Yes sir, thank u sir!
Commdt: Muniru Sulaiman!
Muniru: Sir!
Commdt: Posted to Delta State.
Muniru: Yes sir, thank u sir!
Commdt: Akpos Ojong Itikoloko!
Akpors: Sir!!
Commdt: Posted to Borno State.
Akpors: RETIRED SIR, THANK YOU
SIR, I no wan die sir!!
(Na who wan go die with Boko
Haram for Borno)



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-05 00:02:43

337 Views




Have seriously missed my baby, our discussion later led into romantic mood and i initiated sex with her but for where? Biola didn’t allow me, her reason was that i still need to visit our family doctor the following day to ascertain my medical condition even when i tried to convince her that all that have been done at benin and at least she has the result but she still declined, i went to bed a bit angry.
Biola went to office the following, i went to the hospital and from there to my office, my colleagues were so happy to me, i had discussion with my boss and was asked if i was fit enough to resume on Monday which i said in affirmative that i will God willing….I went to retrieve my sim card on Friday, i bought a new phone but the sim card didn’t work until the following day on Saturday evening
We left my parent place to our house in Egbeda on Sunday morning; Biola’s parent came on a visit to our house, we discussed at length about what happened, my encounter at the kidnappers den and how i escaped, they left around past 12 when Biola saw them off…
My other friends and neighbour came to visit us at home too, my house was like someone that just came back from pilgrimage, will i complain? Have wanted to go and barb my hair since we came into the house in the morning but visitors wouldn’t allow me. It was me all of them came to visit so i couldn’t leave them at home to go out..
One visitor wouldn’t have left before another one will come in, it was not until around 6:30pm we stop having visitors, Biola and I were so tired, i helped her out in the kitchen with some place and i had to take excuse to quickly rush to the saloon while she prepare our dinner.
I took my clipper and off i went to the barbing saloon, there were some sort of people there so, i was fourth on the queue so i had to wait, i was through with my hair around past 8 and headed straight home. I got to my flat and realized my door was a bit opened “why will this woman leave this door open like this”….
I entered and lock the door from behind, i called her name but i didn’t hear any response, i went to the kitchen and the rice on fire has started burning already “this woman left food on fire and went out, maybe someone came to visit us and he saw them off again” i said to myself. I put off the gas cooker and headed straight to the bedroom ..WHAT!!! i shouted

To Be Continued...



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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MY FIRST TIME TO USE A CONDOM
I entered a shop and bought a pack with 3
condoms,
looked at them curiously for a while wondering
how on earth I could use them.
The lady at the counter noticed my puzzlement
and asked sincerely,
''Have you ever used a condom? Do you know
how to put it on?''
l blushed said,"No!"
The lady took one condom and opened it and
wore it on her thumb as an example.
'' This is how you wear it. You have to make
sure its tight!''
I was even more puzzled by this. I was just an
innnocent young man.
She noticed how shy and confused I was.
"You must be a virgin," she said
teasingly. "Have you ever had sex?" l said,
"No!"
Then she looked around the shop; there was no
one but just the 2 of us.
She called me behind the counter, opened the
door leading to the back-rooms and invited me
in.
She quickly locked the door, told
me to hurry up coz "..we don't have time!" She
pulled her short skirt up, her panty down,
opened her legs, and lay her back on a table.
Then she told me to wear the condom on just
like she had told me.
I did, and she pulled me close, and oh yes there
I was right deep inside her wet sweet flesh.
But Oh no, in just 10 seconds inside it was just
too much plus hot and I came tsaaa tsaaa
tsaaa tsaaaa twii twii tsaaa ziii!!!!!!.
The lady feels it too, she feels the hot cremora
inside her, and asked me,
''Did you put the condom on like I told you?"
"Yes I did. Just like you told me!" I replied.
She says, ''Lets see!" I showed her. "Oh shit!"
she screamed. "You are supposed to wear it on
your PENIS not on your THUMB, you dummy!''
Now she is 8 months pregnant and She blames
me.
Abeg na my fault?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-21 23:45:39

1061 Views




Automatic ice makers make crescent-shaped ice since it’s the ice shape that’s least likely to stick when being deposited.Related

(In d town of FOOLS, d town crier is delivering a message concerning d health condition of d king who had been on d sick bed for d past few weeks to d people of d town).
Town crier (T.C): 'after strucking his gong 3 times, shouts in a loud clear & sonorous tone'.
This is to annouce to d hearings of d entire people of dis town dat, d herbalist in charge of d king's treatment had decleared dat he wasn'nt sure dat d king would survive his ailment, and in d light of this, anyone who is interested in becoming d next king should come to d palace to register his name with d following credentials: birth certificate, expected date of death, his best clothe & two gourds of palmwine.
'Hope I have spoken well'?
SOFO[S.F](retorted frm d crowd): U are mad for dat 'bad news' & such a stupid question.
We hopefuly thought dat U wanted 2 announce d king's death, may amadioha burn U off.
"Before SOFO could stop talking, d gong of d town crier had landed on his head. He fell down like a log of wood.

>> Part B -

How Jafar was going to rescue me from the s--t I put myself was beyond comprehension. Maybe I should have just allowed that stupid Volvo follow me around. Thoughts of Timi filtered into my brain. I wondered if I wouldn’t see him again, I wondered if I wouldn’t be able to run my fingers through his hair as he slept, hold him again. I thought about Abayomi, he would have been worried shitless now. Toun sat upright on the chair she was strapped on, if you didn’t look clearly, you would think she was conducting an interview. I was beginning to think there was something more to this SUG than met the eyes.
Skanty brought oatmeal for us at lunch, I had decided his brain also had melanin problem but I kept that to myself. He came in shirtless, never seen an albino with six-packs before, he had a good physique.
Skanty: No news from your people yet
Me: You will hear from them soon
Skanty: we cant keep feeding you guys here o, make una answer us fast
Toun: you are not a student of our school
Skanty: yes na
Toun: which school?
Skanty: don’t bother yourself with that..
He said this exposing those horrible teeth.
I must have slept off because I woke up to the sound of a car. I so hoped it was the police or somebody that came for us. If I was free again, I was going to look for Timi and tell him how I felt. I loved Timi. The silence that came afterwards was very depressing. It must have been one of them.
Toun: you thought someone had come for us?
Me: yes
Toun: me too
I noticed she was trying to stay calm, but tears were flowing down her face.
Toun: I have to call Abayomi myself, he has to step-down
Me: I just nodded
I wondered what the guarantee was that they wouldn’t do away with us even if Abayomi stepped down. I heard somewhere that if Kidnappers didn’t cover their faces when you are kidnapped then its most likely that you will be killed.
Me: Toun I love you.
Toun: I love you too
This time it was Skanty’s voice that woke us up. He came in with the other guys that kidnapped us. They swept the dirts around us, the stench of the urine was reduced by the water they poured on it. It was getting dark, I wanted to ask why they were cleaning the area up, but I kept quiet. I looked at Toun, wanted to remind her about speaking to Abayomi, but she was asleep.
Then the most remarkable thing happened after they finished cleaning. A familiar person walked into the compartment.
Jafar: time to go home ladies…
I was so happy, I wanted to run and hug him but I realized I was strapped.
Toun had problems walking, after being in sitting position all that time. Jafar carried her, her head rested on his chest as he led us out of the uncompleted building.
Jafar: I brought fried chicken and Krest
I didn’t answer him, I had a couple of questions to ask him but I didn’t. like how did he find us?
Instead I looked for his hands with mine, and held on to it as we walked out. Skanty looked at us with a smile, I was sure our nakedness was in his head.
Toun: thank you Abayomi…
She muttered with eyes closed.. I wanted to correct her that it wasn’t her Abayomi that was carrying her. It was My Jafar.
My Jafar.
He placed Toun on the back seat , as she started regaining her senses.
Toun: who are you?
Jafar: Jafar
Toun: oh
Jafar: happy to finally meet you, Abayomi will be waiting for you
Toun: thank you
Me: awww the poor boy
Jafar: I am sure Timi is waiting for you too..
I smiled.
Skanty followed outside, and only went back when we started to leave.
Me: who are they?
Jafar: they are mercenaries
Me: I don’t get
Jafar: they are guys that are brought in from other schools to carry out operations that people from that school wouldn’t be able to carry out themselves
Me: do they like….rape and kill…?
Jafar: most times its about just guys and yes… they kill.
It was dark and he still drove with speed.
Me: so who sent them and how did you know who got us and how did you get us out?
Jafar: someone that doesn’t want Abayomi to be president. Asking the right people around, we found out the people that abducted you and brought enough money to trump that which was given to them by their client. I begged the Albino to accept the money, he laughed at my face a couple of times.
Me: those ugly teeth
Jafar: yeah..
Me: how much?
Jafar: You wan pay?
me: awww, so you had to use your money to get us out?
Jafar: yes, temporarily..
After a while, of driving I saw a car infront flash its lights.. he flashed back in return.. the Volvo parked beside his benz. The driver stuck out his head..
Uche: howfar?
Jafar: cool…same premises, they might leave in the morning bring back my brown envelope and the Albino..
Uche: what of the remaining guys?
I recognized the remaining guys in the Volvo, the same guys that handicapped Acho..
Jafar: just the Albino.
Jafar dropped us at Abayomi’s house. I felt guilty that I had reprimanded him for providing me with protection. As his Benz drove off, I thanked God for him. I thought of the Skanty, and even though I felt violated by him, I felt bad about what was going to happen to him. But who was I to tell Jafar not to do what he wants?
Abayomi was overjoyed when we stepped in. I actually saw tears of joys in his eyes as he carried Toun up..
Abayomi: I thought I would never see you guys again.
Toun: I love u.
Abayomi: I love you more.
Abayomi didn’t know that Toun knew he was bunking Kofo. Well, it is said that s-x isnt an expression of love by guys, na we girls dey carry am for head.
Seeing them love-up, I thought of Timi, I so wanted to be in his arms right now..i didn’t realize I missed that stupid boy so much. It was as if Abayomi was reading my thoughts for he said, “Timi has been worried sick”
Me: I see.
He went to Ibogun to campaign to the engineering students, he wants to see you tonight.
Me: I want to sleep. Can I sleep in your house tonight?
Toun: ofcuz you can, Abayomi will sleep in the parlor..
Abayomi: but baby I want to hold you tonight
Toun: Tana and I will sleep in your bed period. If not for you we wouldn’t have been kidnapped.
I didn’t really want to deprive Abayomi of his girlfriend tonight, I know I wanted to be with Timi.
Me: I will sleep in the parlour
Toun: serious?
Me: yes, but you guys shouldn’t have that annoying noisy s-x o…keep it low..
Toun: idiot..
There was a knock on the door. My heart skipped as the happenings of the previous day jerked my chest. Timi walked into the room with his beautiful face. He didn’t acknowledge the greetings of Abayomi nor Toun, he just walked up to me and kissed me. Full on the lips…I let him.
Timi: what happened to you guys, where were you people?
Me: Abayomi didn’t tell you?
Timi: Tell me what?
Abayomi: I didn’t want him to know, when Jafar informed me, he told me not to tell anybody
Timi: but I am not anybody to Tana! So what happened?
I felt on top of the world
Abayomi told him…as they discussed, Toun and I went to take our bath. In the bathroom, all naked, we held each other , nothing sexual..our n-----s getting hard was just as a result of the cold water washing away our dirtiness.
When we got back to the parlor, Timi shared the suya burger he had brought in. Suya burger was prepared by opening the popular Agege bread , putting Suya with excess amount of pepper and tomatoes in it, then heating it up. I craved it..Timi gets me, I concluded.
]I had expected Abayomi and Toun to stay longer so I can just keep looking at Timi, but they retired early. leaving me and him in the parlor, without anything to talk about.
Me: you shouldn’t kiss me, you have a girlfriend.
Timi: I am sorry, I couldn’t help myself
Me: I should have stopped you it is my fault.
Timi: I am sorry about what you went through, I wish I had known..
Me: what will you have done?
Timi: cried like mad..
We both laughed. It was funny how everything looked how it was when we were dating, I still don’t know why this boy left me. I know he liked me, maybe not as much as I want.
Me: its time for you to bounce, its late
Timi: I thought you would want me to stay here with you, after what you went through..
Me: don’t worry, I am fine, you can go.
As he walked to the door, I wish I had told him to stay. I wondered if it was too late to. His broad shoulders looked so appealing, something I would want to hold as I slept.
Just like that the door closed and Timi was gone. I rushed to the door so I can open it and watch him go. The idiot was waiting when I opened the door, he had that stupid ‘I know you would come’ smile on his baby face. I smiled too
Me: you can spend the night, but we would have to sleep on the floor.
Timi: thank you
Me: its just because I am still scared.
Timi: I know
Me: you must go before Abayomi or Toun wake’s up
Timi: yes ma
Me: don’t even think of touching me..
Timi: no problem ma
Me: good.
Some minutes later, we both lay down beside each other, my back was turned to him, but his long masculine hands wrapped me in that way that I had missed so much.
Me: why did you leave me?
Timi: im sorry
Me: I need an answer, Timi, just tell me so I can close this chapter
Timi : babe..lets let it go
I wanted to talk some more but I let him have his way. I was satisfied with where I was. I didn’t want to get angry.
I felt him move closer to me , but I didn’t react. i was wearing one of Toun’s sleeping gowns..my soft big bum was resting against his crotch. I felt him harden as he moved closer. I remembered when he used to tell me my bum was bigger than my future. I would chase him down the room then..good old days. I didn’t do it consciously, but I realized I was shooting my bum backwards to grind him.
Timi: I missed you
I kept quiet, even as his hands went beneath the gown and found the way to my t--s. On his way to my t--s, his hands brushed my naked bums. Didn’t I tell this guy not to touch me?
Timi: Your body…your body…
I abruptly turned and faced him..
Me: don’t touch me.
Timi ignored me, instead he kissed me again. This time his lips didn’t come off. Like it was daring me. I could taste him, his sweet lips, I could smell him, that masculine wonderful scent. My hands rested on his chest, wanting to push him back but I ended up pulling him closer. His fingers went beneath my gown again, and located my Vee, he rubbed me gently till I felt hot fluid fill the area. I moaning gently..i kissed him, s----d his tongue gently, to stop me from crying out.. my brain kept telling me to stop.. but I was weak…I knew I had to stop..
I pushed him away and stood up.
Me: Abayomi!
He didn’t answer..
Me: Abayomi!
He came running out of the room, Toun followed closely behind him
Me: Abayomi, come and sleep in the parlor with Timi
Toun had a smile on her face, I didn’t know why she was smiling until I looked at myself, the hardness of my n-----s roared from the gown.
Abayomi: chai, Timi, you no get house?
Timi: f--k you bruv
Abayomi went into the room and came back with a pillow. He kept hissing as he lay down.
I entered the room with Toun, only to find an opened but unused condom beside her pillow. I felt bad for Abayomi once again.
But most especially, I felt bad for myself. Timi was in my heart again.
To be continued


>>

QUESTION TAG [Read it]


Teacher: our topic today is question tag.
Eg: obi is a boy. Isn't he? Yes he is. Can I have other examples.
Ochoku: we go chop yam today. Chopin't we?
Teacher: wrong, can anybody correct him?
Akpors: don't mind that block head. We go chop yam today. Yamin't we?
Teacher fainted.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-04 15:32:49

597 Views




One day, a very wealthy man was walking on the road. Along the way, he saw a beggar on the sidewalk. The rich man looks kindly on the beggar & asked, “How did u become a beggar?”rnThe beggar said, “Sir, I’ve been applying for a job for a year now but haven’t found any. U look like a rich man. Sir, if u’ll give me a job, I’ll stop begging.”rnThe rich man smiled & said, “I want to help u. But I won’t give u a job. I’ll do something better. I want u to be my business partner. Let’s start a business together.”rnThe beggar blinked hard. He didn’t understand what the older man was saying. “What do u mean, Sir?” “I own a rice plantation. U could sell my rice in the market. I’ll provide u the sacks of rice. I’ll pay the rent for the market stall. I’ll even give you food allowance everyday for the next 30 days. All u have to do is sell my rice. And at the end of the month, as Business Partners, we’ll share in the profits.”rnTears of joy rolled down his cheeks. “Oh Sir,” he said, “U’re a gift from Heaven. U’re the answer to my prayers. Thank u, thank u, thank u!” He then paused & said, “Sir, how will we divide the profits? Do I keep 10% & u get the 90%? Do I keep 5% & u get the 95%? I’ll be happy with any arrangement.”rnThe rich man shook his head & chuckled. “No, I want u to give me the 10% & u keep the 90%.”. For a moment, the beggar couldn’t speak. When he tried to speak, it was gibberish. “Uh, gee, uh, wow, I mean, huh?” He couldn’t believe his ears. The deal was too preposterous.rnThe rich man laughed more loudly. He explained, “I don’t need the money, my friend. I’m already wealthy beyond what u can ever imagine. I want u to give me 10% of ur profits so u grow in faithfulness & gratitude.”. The beggar knelt down before his benefactor & said, “Yes Sir, I will do as u say. Even now, I’m so grateful for what u’ve done for me!”rnEach day, the beggar,now dressed a little bit better, operated a store selling rice in the market. He worked very hard. He woke up early in the morning & slept late at night. And sales were brisk, also because the rice was of good quality & after 30 days, the profits were astounding.rnAt the end of the month, as the ex-beggar was counting the money, & liking very much the feeling of money in his hands, an idea grew in his mind. He told himself, “Gee, why should I give 10% to my Business Partner? I didn't see him the whole month! I was the one who was working day & night for this business. I did all this work! I deserve the 100% profits!”rnA few minutes later, the rich man was knocking on the door to collect his 10% of the profits. The ex-beggar opened the door & said, “ U don’t deserve the 10%. I worked hard for this. I deserve all of it!” And he slammed the door.rnIf u were his Business Partner, how would u feelrnBut this is exactly what happens to us. God gave us everything. He gave us life, every single moment, every single breath, every single second. God gave us talents, our ability to talk, to create, to earn money. God gave us our body, our eyes, our ears, our mouth, our hands, our feet, our heart , HE gave us our mind, our imagination, our emotions, our reasoning, our language. God gave us opportunities, some taken some lost. God put us in positions, he gave us all we have to make the wealth.rnYET we take all of it for granted walking on the earth with pride as if we are self made ? We forget His immeasurable bounties & become ungrateful using the very same blessings He gave us to sin & throw back at Him.rnThe big question is, which of the favours of our Lord would we deny? When will we turn back to Him with gratitude & obedience? God has granted us all the opportunities to always remember Him and pay our tithes, offering, seeds and first fruit.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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