Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


This country sef don tire
me.
I go school - Cultism
I no go school - Illiteracy
I write jamb - Boko haram
I go university. - Strike
I travel by air - Plane
crash
I travel by sea - Militant
I travel by road - Accident
I enter bus for b/stop -
{GBOOAA!} bomb blast
I go bank - Armed robbers
I go relax outside -
Kidnappers
I vex use leg waka go
village -
Witch craft
I dey house - No work
I go work - Low salary
I wan marry - No money
I wan sleep with my gf -
HIV
Make i shake person -
Ebola
Person no safe for this
country at
all.
But despite this fact, u are
alive
and reading
this post now.
Lets Comment "Thank_You_
God"
And if u feel 'it is by your
power,
just ignore !!
"Thank You God"



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-05 06:45:27

811 Views




I was confirmed after a year and posted to marketing department of the branch based on my performance, i was given account to manage and given target to acquire new more customers for the bank. My salary was increased to 85k with a staff car loan attached to my position. I secured another accommodation, a two bedroom flat in GRA of Ilorin and barely a week i moved in to my new location, my senior sister called me that her bank has transferred her to their Ilorin Branch from Offa, which means she will be coming to stay with us too.
In fact when she was coming, our parent had to come with her because its been more than 5years they last saw me, it was just my voice they have been hearing. They were so happy seeing me and Nimat, my dad has alredy retired from the government work and we thank God that there was nothing much for her to do.
For the one week they used with us, me and Nimat tried to conceal our affairs as we are sure they must not hear, the fact that i don’t know how to stop the stupidity happening in my life was a major challenge, Nimat was not seeing to the fact that we are siblings, she sees us as normal boyfriend and girlfriend and i dare not introduced any lady to her as my girlfriend because she will kill them with attitude. There was one of my customer i was dating then, Nimat had the audacity to call the lady to leave me alone if she cherish her life because all ladies that dated me die every 6 months into the relationship. The relationship between me and my landlady had blossom, sometimes we will go to the hotel to spend the night while she will take the children to her parents place in Amoyo and there were other times we will spend the weekend together in her flat without the knowledge of anybody that she was home.
Barely a week our parent left my place, we noticed that Nimat was getting sick on a regular basis, she will complain of fever and headache sometimes and didn’t take up to 3 days before she started vomiting. When my sister couldn’t take it anymore that was when she took her to the hospital and they confirmed she was pregnant.
Preg what? My sister started nagging when they got home and she was shouting at her that who got her pregnant “why cant you wait till you finish school before this rubbish?” my sister said..she started shouting at her that she will kill her if she didn’t talk and tell our parent, she said she was not even remorseful and her face was strong i instructed my sister to let me talk to her privately in my room….
I led her to my room and close the door
Me: Who got you pregnant Nimat?
Nimat: who else will it be if not you or do i have another boyfriend aside you?
Me:Ahhhhh mogbe, iru eti wo lo nba eyan gboyi
Nimat: Whats mogbe, it has happened already and solution should be the problem
Me: how did you get pregnant sef
Nimat: How did i get pregnant? Na by miracle just like Mary’s own, abi no be you dey fuccck me?
Me: then if we are fucking each other, cant you protect yourself? At least you should be using contraceptives
Nimat: the same way you suppose to be using condom but you never did for once and you always pour everything inside saying pouring it in is the sweetest of sex..What you should be saying is how do we go about this because of that idiot shouting outside or if you want her to involve our parent
Me: lailai….involve our parent ke? We have to go and abort this pregnancy first thing tomorrow morning
Nimat: So, you want to kill me abi
Me: Kill you ke? You have done it in the past now and you are not dead
Nimat: What if am not lucky with this one?
Me: Nothing will happen to you baby, you know i love you so much baby
Nimat: I love you too
Me: how much do you love me dear
Nimat: so much that i can never think twice before doing something for you
Me: then do this for me too…lets go for abortion first thing tomorrow morning
Nimat: uhmmmm..if anything should happen to me, my ghost will hunt you down ooo
Me: Nothing will happen to you i promise..
Nimat: okay oooo…what are we going to tell that dog barking outside
Me: we will tell her you have not said anything and that i will visit your friend tomorrow to find out about the guy in your life, thank God she just came to town and she doesn’t know anyone with you yet
Nimat: okay…..that is better
Me: thanks dear, i love you so much
Nimat: i love you too
I wanted to start going out of the room and she pull me back…..

Read Episode 57

Teacher: can u see God?
AKPOS: No
Teacher: can u touch God?
AKPOS: No
Teacher: then u should
simply know dat there is no
God in heaven. stop
deceiving urself.
.
.
.
AKPOS: (clears throat) ma
can u see ur brain?
Teacher: no
AKPOS: ma can u touch ur
brain?
Teacher: no
AKPOS: then that means u
have no brain in ur head stop deceiving urself.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-23 15:39:49

378 Views




On a crowded bus, Banta noticed that Santa had his eyes closed. “What’s the matter? Are you sick?” he asked.
“No, I’m okay. It’s just that I hate to see old ladies standing”, replied Santa.Related

Akpos went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the thief who had broken into his house last night.

Police: "You will get your chance in court."
Akpos:  "No, no no" I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife.

I've been trying to do that for years!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-07 11:09:47

1001 Views




Dunia Mai Sab Se Dukhi Aadmi Kon Hai?



Panipuri Wala !

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Kaise?

.

.

.

.

.

.

Kyu Ki Ladki Kuwari Ho Ya Married “BHAIYA” Hi

Bulati He….



Koi nai sochta in logo ke baare me ,,

aaj mene socha he.. “Bechara” ???? ????Related

Old age [Read it]


Becky was walking down a residential street, when she noticed a little old man rocking in a chair on his veranda. 


She called out to him as she passed. "Good afternoon! I couldn't help but notice how happy you look. What's your secret for a long happy life?" 


"I smoke five packs of cigarettes a day," he replied. "I also drink a case of whiskey and three cases of Guinness beer a week, eat nothing but Mr. Biggs fast food, and never exercise." 


"Wow! No exercising?" Becky was amazed. 


"The only exercise I do is watch and change channels on my TV." replied the man. 


"That’s absolutely amazing. How old are you?" she asked. 


"Twenty-six," he replied. 


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-17 07:00:55

145 Views




Prayer is when you talk to God; meditation is when you listen to God.

~ Author UnknownRelated

Eye operation [Read it]


Joke of the day-A blind guy visited his choir
mistress at home and
found her bathing. Since he was blind, she let
him
in. After bathing, she came out naked shaving
in
front of him and she tried to make a
conversation
by asking him, "Brother Kwame, what brings
you
here? Is everything fine at home?"
"He replied, "Yes, very fine. I came to tell you
that
I have done the eye operation, so I can see
now."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-25 20:10:39

283 Views




Oga stumbled furiously into the kitchen the next
morning and faced me.
“You’re living this house this moment!” He
barked. “How dare you attempt to tear my house
apart? You little imp! You must leave this
minute!”
I turned white with fear and my limbs
trembled.
“Go and start packing your things right now!” He
thundered.
I ran out of the kitchen and into my room to
pack.
The way Oga was fuming and barking was too
aggressive.
I couldn’t stand him lay his hands on me out of
aggression. It was better to return home than to
die in another man’s house.
So I ran into my room and started packing.
I even wanted to return home as the stress and
trauma had become unbearable.
I packed all my clothes into one big bag and
waited for what was next.
Oga came into my room and ordered me to carry
my bags into the car. I obeyed and did as he
ordered.
Then he dressed up and true to his words drove
me back to my village.
My mother was surprised when she saw me home
that early.
Oga’s countenance also pointed out to her that
all was not well so she had to ask him to come
inside and explain what prompted the unexpected
home coming.
“Your daughter wants to tear my family apart,”
Oga told my mum.
My mum shuddered in disbelief.
“How?” She asked dumbfounded.
“Ask your daughter!” Oga snapped and zoomed
out into his car and out of our compound…
————————————————————
Later that night, my mum came into my room and
asked me the truth about what happened between
me and Oga’s family.
I patiently narrated everything that happened and
broke into tears sobbing hysterically, even though
I left out the part that had to do with my
sexcapades with Oga…



Drop your comments below








NAIRAJOKES.COM




Rate this story
Add Your Own Rating



Interesting



0%
1%
2%
3%
4%
5%
6%
7%
8%
9%
10%
11%
12%
13%
14%
15%
16%
17%
18%
19%
20%
21%
22%
23%
24%
25%
26%
27%
28%
29%
30%
31%
32%
33%
34%
35%
36%
37%
38%
39%
40%
41%
42%
43%
44%
45%
46%
47%
48%
49%
50%
51%
52%
53%
54%
55%
56%
57%
58%
59%
60%
61%
62%
63%
64%
65%
66%
67%
68%
69%
70%
71%
72%
73%
74%
75%
76%
77%
78%
79%
80%
81%
82%
83%
84%
85%
86%
87%
88%
89%
90%
91%
92%
93%
94%
95%
96%
97%
98%
99%
100%





Educative



0%
1%
2%
3%
4%
5%
6%
7%
8%
9%
10%
11%
12%
13%
14%
15%
16%
17%
18%
19%
20%
21%
22%
23%
24%
25%
26%
27%
28%
29%
30%
31%
32%
33%
34%
35%
36%
37%
38%
39%
40%
41%
42%
43%
44%
45%
46%
47%
48%
49%
50%
51%
52%
53%
54%
55%
56%
57%
58%
59%
60%
61%
62%
63%
64%
65%
66%
67%
68%
69%
70%
71%
72%
73%
74%
75%
76%
77%
78%
79%
80%
81%
82%
83%
84%
85%
86%
87%
88%
89%
90%
91%
92%
93%
94%
95%
96%
97%
98%
99%
100%





Unique



0%
1%
2%
3%
4%
5%
6%
7%
8%
9%
10%
11%
12%
13%
14%
15%
16%
17%
18%
19%
20%
21%
22%
23%
24%
25%
26%
27%
28%
29%
30%
31%
32%
33%
34%
35%
36%
37%
38%
39%
40%
41%
42%
43%
44%
45%
46%
47%
48%
49%
50%
51%
52%
53%
54%
55%
56%
57%
58%
59%
60%
61%
62%
63%
64%
65%
66%
67%
68%
69%
70%
71%
72%
73%
74%
75%
76%
77%
78%
79%
80%
81%
82%
83%
84%
85%
86%
87%
88%
89%
90%
91%
92%
93%
94%
95%
96%
97%
98%
99%
100%





Organization



0%
1%
2%
3%
4%
5%
6%
7%
8%
9%
10%
11%
12%
13%
14%
15%
16%
17%
18%
19%
20%
21%
22%
23%
24%
25%
26%
27%
28%
29%
30%
31%
32%
33%
34%
35%
36%
37%
38%
39%
40%
41%
42%
43%
44%
45%
46%
47%
48%
49%
50%
51%
52%
53%
54%
55%
56%
57%
58%
59%
60%
61%
62%
63%
64%
65%
66%
67%
68%
69%
70%
71%
72%
73%
74%
75%
76%
77%
78%
79%
80%
81%
82%
83%
84%
85%
86%
87%
88%
89%
90%
91%
92%
93%
94%
95%
96%
97%
98%
99%
100%







If you read this message, you owe me a Hug;

If you delete it, you owe me a Kiss;

If you save it, you owe me a Date;

If you reply to me, you owe me “All of the above”.

But if you ignore, you are mine!

So plan your move accordingly!Related

BROKEN SEAL 2
EPISODE 9

Samuel was led to one of the
police cars, which had three
officers in it, while two other
police cars followed.
He sat in the middle, with two
officers by his right and left
respectively.
The officer by his left looked
somewhat familiar, he tried
hard to recall where he met the
face before.
Yeah! He managed to recall a
scene from his college days……
Samuel was on his way to the
lecture room at exactly 9pm –
that was his usual reading
time.
When he heard muffled groans
coming from a long time
abandoned class.
To satisfy his curiousity, he
changed his course to the
dilapidated class room.
The hall was dark except for
his bright torchlight.
A younglady sat on the floor
with both hands and legs tied
with a strong fibric material.
She was wincing in pain.
She screamed upon seeing him.
Samuel: (his index finger
across his lips) sssshh i won’t
hurt you….what happened?
Lady: she opened he mouth but
words were far from her
tongue.
Samuel: its okay, lets untie
you!
He untied her hands and leg,
when he was about taking her
out, a coarse voice echoed
from behind….
Voice: what do you think
you’ar doing?
Let go of her and get the hell
outta here! You’ve got three
seconds.
Samuel: lets go ahead and
assume the three seconds have
passed.
Voice: how dare you piss me?!
He shot at samuel.
Samuel dodged by whiskers.
He (samuel) managed to carry
the lady and they ran out.
The kidnapper kept shooting
but no bullet hit them.
The following morning samuel
took the lady to her brother,
under her request.
Jim: thanks for saving my little
sis, i’d never forget this.
I owe you one man.
Samuel: my pleasure……
THE PRESENT……
Samuel: (whispering) officer
Jim? Its me Samuel, the
saviour of your kid sis!
Jim: yeah!
Samuel: you owed me one, i
want it now! (in a whisper)
Jim: (still whispering)
what a perfect art of fate! Sure,
have this…
He gave samuel a tiny, silver
coated piece of metal.
Which samuel used in
unlocking the cuff.
He he grabbed the head of the
other officer, whose thoughts
were far away.
He twisted the head till it
made a creak sound.
Officer Jim shot the driver on
his head.
Then finished his colleague
whose head Samuel twisted.
The car was moving zizag,
since no one was on the wheels
Jim: take this gun with you,
crawl out of the car and have
your freedom, i know what to
tell my superiors.
Samuel: thanks alot…
Jim: see it as a debt payback
from me…go now!
Remember, other cops are
behind us…….
He rolled out, shooting at
intervals, till he got lost in a
light forest.
*********************************
Samuel arrived home quite
late, he explained what he
went through, i honestly felt
sorry for him, we had to go
through all these for my sake!!!
He’s a very good friend!
Samuel: the knife is hot, take
this bullet off my skin already.
Me: i’ve not done this before, i
may end up hurting you!
Samuel: hahahahahaha newbie!
Just do it slowly, just see me as
an enemy, for now.
That way, you’d have the
courage to pierce my skin.
Me: are you sure it would
work?
Samuel: why not give it a try?

>>

FAKE FRIENDS - Never ask for food...
REAL FRIENDS - Are the reason you have NO food

FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/ Mrs
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/ MOM

FAKE FRIENDS - Never seen you cry...
REAL FRIENDS - Cry with you

FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back
REAL FRIENDS: keep your stuff so long they forget it`s yours

FAKE FRIENDS - Know a few things about you...
REAL FRIENDS - Could write a book about you

FAKE FRIENDS - Would knock on your front door...
REAL FRIENDS - Walk right in and says "I`m home"

FAKE FRIENDS - Will help you up when you fall over...
REAL FRIENDS - Will jump on top of you and shout "sandwich"

FAKE FRIENDS - Are around for awhile...
REAL FRIENDS - Are for life

FAKE FRIENDS: say "love ya" in a joking manner
REAL FRIENDS: say "I love you" and they mean it

FAKE FRIENDS: will read this and ignore
REAL FRIENDS: will LIKE AND SHARE this

true or false


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-07 00:38:19

552 Views




Akpos saw a young man standing infront of his new Ferrari he had bought just a few weeks ago snapping pictures and potraying moves as if the car belongs to him
This made Akpos furious

Akpos waited patiently for the young man and when he was done Mr Akpos took the phone and deleted all the pics
And told the guy"Mr man next time buy our own"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-29 16:30:11

1034 Views




This sight of her really touched him. Her crying state. She looked like an innocent child and an angel whenever she wept. This was what he always fell for. It wasn’t working this time, he wouldn’t fall for it. Lifting himself up from the swivel chair, he found his way to where she stood. He took her in his arms.

“Will you stop crying?” he asked, almost pleading.

“Please, come back to me. I can’t live without you.”

He released her and looked her in the eye. “Its not possible. We’re not meant to be. I really do care for you. I don’t see myself marrying you. Its not like I didn’t try, I did, but it was getting nowhere. It was gonna end anyway,” he calmly explained.

“If its the fights you’re talking about it happens in every relationship. I’ll change, I’ll be better.”

“No, Tricia. There’s no going back. Lets move on.”

“Its easy for you to say because you already have this fiancee of yours. Do you love her? Is she great in bed, like I am?”

Her unexpected question really shocked Jeremy. Was he in love with Purity? He didn’t know for sure, but he had started developing feelings for her. If she was great in bed, he had no answer to that. She’s supposed to be. She’s very pretty and had a lovely body, why shouldn’t she?
“Tricia, I don’t know if I love her. I think I’ll get to love her-”

She cut him off. “So why can’t you get to love me? I bet she’s no better than me. We made great love. We’re- we’re so good together. Come on.”

His eyes darkened. “Don’t talk about her like that. She’s pure, a virgin.”

Tricia stilled for some seconds, then cackled with laughter. “She’s so not your type! You knew the women you slept with weren’t virgins.”

“You knew I was cheating!”

“Of course, I knew. It pained me a lot. But what could I have done? The love I feel for you is so strong that I agreed to let you have them, but you’ll always return to me and my bed.”

“That’s not love, Tricia. If its love, you wouldn’t want any woman to touch me.”

“That’s my definition of love!” she retorted. “If its the sex you want with her cuz I know you’ve never slept with a virgin before, do it and I’d be waiting for you.”

“I am not sleeping with her till I marry her. I have changed and want her as my wife. I really do respect and admire her for her innocence. I’m not going to take innocence and dump her, no.”

“You really didn’t value me. I hate you. You cheated on me with several different women on different occasions and I didn’t complain. I felt every man must cheat. Little did I know I was deceiving myself. You’ll pay for this, Jeremy.”

He shot her an angry look. “How am I to know that you didn’t cheat as well?”

She gravely glared at him. “You’re a bastard!” Grabbing her purse and other stuff from the desk, she snarled at him, “You messed with the wrong woman! I’m now a love-lorn. I’m gonna deal with you and that so-called virgin of yours.”

Something snapped within Jeremy. “Get out of here! I never wanna set my eyes on you, ever again.”

“We’ll see.” She started walking towards the door. When she got there, she regained her composure. She looked at him over her shoulder. He was watching her with eyes, dark with anger and possibly hatred. She smirked. “Jeremy Broderick, I love you. I have made up my mind not to share you with another woman. This is your last chance. If I can’t have you, no other woman will.” she concluded and proudly paraded herself out of the office, slamming the door behind her.

Jeremy collapsed on a chair, the one Tricia had sat on. “Holy shit!” he swore violently. “I regret the day I met that where. I curse the day I agreed to date her. Woe to the day I slept with her. Damn!” he raked his hand through his hair.

“What’s up with the look on your face?” Prudence questioned Purity. “Did something go wrong? Anything that had to do with Jeremy?”

Purity smiled on hearing Jeremy’s name. “No, mama. Just that a mean-looking lady created an ugly scene at the company’s premises as I was about leaving. I don’t know why she did that.”

Prudence heaved a sigh of relief. “Hope she isn’t dangerous? I’m worried about you.”

Purity disagreed. “I don’t think so, she looked like a nervous wreck. Do not be worried. I’m fine.”

“Alright dear, come here.” Prudence wanted a hug from her daughter. To her surprise, Purity jumped into her arms. Holding Purity so close and at her will ignited memories of her childhood. Purity was her favourite girl. They were so close and did so many things together. But as she grew into a teenager, things changed. Due to her fears and insecurity, she began viewing both her parents as enemies instead of allies and they drifted apart. Prudence had tried to mend the rift between them; Purity never gave her that chance. She hadn’t given up on her daughter. “Are you alright?” Prudence questioned, Purity was still in her arms.

Purity laughed softly. “Mama. I’m good. I know you’re wondering why.”

Prudence let her daughter go and gazed at her silver eyes. “I want to know why.”

“Mama, I’m so happy.” Purity jumped up excitedly like a ten year old. “Though that bitch nearly spoilt it. But I’m good.” She gave a broad grin, clasped her hands together and twirled once.

Prudence rubbed her eyes with both palms and opened them again. Did Purity just spin around with happiness? Was her daughter okay? “Its okay, honey. Um, come sit.” She took Purity by the hand and they both sat on a two-seater sofa. Prudence held Purity’s arm. “Tell me, why are you so happy?”

Purity giggled. “Mama. Jeremy and his papa made me feel so special last night.”

Prudence was so happy to hear that. “Really? Tell me about it.”

“Um,” Purity raised her head and rolled her eyes, trying to recall the previous night’s events. “Well, he bought me a new cell phone. The latest. I really didn’t expect it. But I was glad he did. Secondly, he took me to a restaurant and we had a great meal, I was a little bit shy but it all went well.” Purity was talking slowly, choosing her words. At times, she looked away from her man’s gaze. She had never done this before. “We kind of fought over a minor thing, but made up later on. He took me to his wonderful home, it was so so beautiful and cozy. His papa and I had a little chat. He thinks I’m kind of exceptional from all other women and will be the best for Jeremy. Jeremy couldn’t believe I’m still a virgin. I haven’t really felt this happy in a long long time.”

Prudence was full of smiles. “I am so glad I lived to see this moment. My daughter, you’re a good and special girl. You just fail to notice it ’cause you’re always alone, indoors and commanding people to do this or that. Spending time out with others will make you catch lots of fun.”

Purity nodded in agreement. “I know that now. I will try my best.”

“Good. Do you like Jeremy?”

Purity’s cheek turned pink. “Isn’t that a personal thing?”

“Not with me.”

“Okay. Kind of. I don’t know. Maybe.”

It was Prudence’s turn to laugh. She laughed hysterically. Seconds passed, then she gradually ended the laughter. “I know you like him. You will eventually love him if not now.”

“Love? Who’s talking about love? Its only ‘like’. Love doesn’t mean like, neither does like mean love.” Her feelings instantly changed. Hurt could be sensed in her words.

“I’ve always known you to be this frightened or scared when it comes to love. What is wrong?”

She didn’t want to ruin her day. “Lets forget about that. I left the office just to spend time with you. Anything could happen tomorrow or nest. I wanna be a good woman, just Jeremy is a good man.” She fell on her mum’s shoulder and beamed.

“I hope this lasts. Lets go make lunch.” Prudence stood up.

“Okay. You’ll tell me about Emily. I really want to know lots about her,” Purity replied, standing up.

Prudence was bewildered. “Okay.”
*
*
*
Tricia sat all alone in the dark. Her hair was a mess, she looked as if she’d lost a beloved in death. Little rays of lights coming in from the window revealed littered bottles on the ground. She’d been drinking. Drinking ever since she got back from Jeremy’s place of work. Why would a man make her go so crazy? She’d loved him since she set eyes on him. Been a good friend to him. The relationship hadn’t been so nice, but they never discussed it. Now, he wants to get married. Not to her, to a pure, virgin. Jeremy was attracted to virgins? She wasn’t but her slept with her. And every touch from him made her fall more and more in love with him. Jeremy was hers. She wailed bitterly. She placed her hands on her lips. “Jeremy is mine,” she muttered in between sobs. “Its over, will never share him again. He is mine.”

>>

A Guy was called for an interview by
Chevron based on his performance while
working for Shell.
The Interviewer Akpos asked; What is your
current pay at Shell and what are you
looking at with Chevron?
The Guy said; 9 Million Naira per annum
plus medical and other benefits.
Considering the position here in Chevron,
I'd be looking at 20-22 Million Naira per
annum, a status car, overseas vacation and
medicals.
Akpos said; Today is your lucky day! The
position comes with 35 Million Naira per
annum salary, 2014 Range Rover Sport as
official car, Mercedes Benz S65 AMG as
status car, overseas medical treatment. A
fully furnished house in Lekki, health
insurance for your wife and children, 2
houses to be built for you in any town of
your choice and in your village, annual
overseas vacation for you and your family
fully-paid first class, 2 Million Naira
wardrobe allowance per annum, cook,
steward and 2 drivers, country club
membership, and you are entitled to keep
all that the company gives you if you put in
just 3 years of service.
The Guy in bewildered excitement
exclaimed; Haaaa! Sir, you must be joking.
Akpos said; Of course I am joking. Were
you not the one that started it?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-08 07:26:16

867 Views




2:30am, I still sat awake, nervous as ever as i
waited for the injections to work or for Mary to at
least wake up.
I was so scared and happy. I couldn’t think
properly anymore nor figure out the next step to take. I kept praying and hoping for things to work
out well.
3:30am, my eyes slowly closed, my head quietly
dropping as the great power of sleep and
exhaustion took over my entire body.
Leaving the bulbs on, I had to change my position by lying beside Mary. Couple of minutes later, i
slept off like a baby.
At exactly 5:15am, Mary’s sharp cry woke me up,
instantly putting great fear into me as i sprang
up from my bed. I lazily rubbed my eyes with my
palms before staring at her with confusion. “dear Lord no no no” she screamed with all her
heart. Her eyes on my bed. I couldn’t help but
follow her eyes which rested on nothing but on a
small pool of blood which clearly glared under the
florescent light in my room.
I breathed deeply with satisfaction and happiness. But i quickly hid my feelings, drew close and
hugged her. Surprisingly she pushed me angrily
away as if she was aware of my crime, rushed
into the bathroom and locked the door.
For some minutes, i stood confused as i thought
over things. Surely i was free from her after all. The unwanted baby gone forever.
“what next?” i asked myself over and over.
She rushed out of the bathroom minutes later
with my towel wrapped round her body, looking
very shaken, miserable and troubled. I tried to get
close to her again but it earned me a dirty slap which silenced and made me a bit angry. I left her
alone and went over my sitting room.
She soon showed up in the sitting room wearing
my old tight fitting jean trouser and shirt. Eyeing
me, she left the apartment without another word
while i went after her, begging her to stay for at least an hour. She refused to listen to my pleas
nor talk to me.
She left without saying any parting words which
really put me in great suspense because i couldn’t
figure out what she was thinking nor had a way
of knowing if she suspected any foul play. I returned to my messed up bedroom, very scared
and uncomfortable. I had no choice than to start
cleaning up the mess and awaiting what fate had
in stock for me.
I knew not if i will ever see her again.
After cleaning my bedroom and bathroom, i tried
calling Mary on phone but she simply choosed to
ignore my calls.
I was scared and afraid. I couldn’t eat nor do
anything else other than to lie down in my sitting room, deeply thinking without any solution.
Finally by 5:30pm, I rushed over to Jboy’s
apartment, briefing him on the latest
development. He wasn’t a bit moved by my story.
“her behaviour isn’t out of the ordinary. Of course
you weren’t expecting her to jump with joy when she found her baby was gone for real?. Well the
best you can do is just to go over to her house,
keep her company and make some sweet
promises” he advised as if it was all easy. I
shrugged and shut my mouth. It was my cross to
carry and so had to carry it all alone. I drove over to Mary’s house minutes later, but
couldn’t get myself to go inside the apartment.
My conscience wouldn’t allow, and kept flogging
me without pity.
I sat in my car for hours without moving an inch.
All i did was just to stare at the old compound, afraid and nervous.
By 7:45pm, I returned to my apartment, prepared
dinner and ate hungrily, washing everything down
with two bottles of cold beer. I felt a little bit
relaxed after. By 10pm i went to bed.
____ I left for work very early the next day, pushing
aside Mary’s image and everything about her. It
was something that i did with a whole lot of
effort. I couldn’t let my conscience to continue
flogging me.
___ 5:05pm
I left office with Chioma and headed to my house.
She earlier had insisted on going home with me,
and i had no choice than to do her bidding.
5:20pm
I slowly parked my car in front of my apartment, alighted with Chioma who innocently linked her
third right finger with mine as we headed to the
hallway leading to my flat.
“i don’t just know why i feel so happy” she
murmured excitedly, while i drew back cautiously
as my sensitive eyes spotted three men who were heading towards us. I quickly sensed danger, but
calmed down, appearing cool.
One of them waved, urging us to stop. I obeyed
fearfully. Chioma equally stopped, her eyes fixed
on me.
“are you Mr. Ken?” the man who waved at us asked as they drew close. I nodded faintly.
“you are under arrest sir” he said polietly. The
two men with him quickly closed in on me.

>>

Dad: where are you coming from? Where have you
been dince yester nyt
Me:police station
Mum: police what? What happened?
Dad: police station ke? Kilosele
Me: well, on my way coming back after i drop mum yesterday, when i got to mushin area close to alapere
filling station, i met police check point and i was
flagged down, they ask for my drivers licence which i
couldnt provide and the particulars of the car which
were not in the car. I left my wallet which had my IDs
in the bedroom yesterday. All i had on me was just N1,500, they requested for N20k which i couldn’t
provide. So, they took me to their station, collected my
fone and evrytyn on me then lock me up. I pleaded to
them they yesterday was my wedding day but they
were not ready to listen saying i stole the car.it was
so terrible. Mum: so, how did they now released u dis morning
Me: well thank God for one of them that resumed work
this morning which happened to be one of my course
mate in the university. He saw me and talk with his
colleagues that he knows me very well . They had to
release me with his own intervention Mary: thank God ooooo……hope they didnt beat u?
Me: nah….
Dad: thank God. We were all worried when u were not
picking your calls and we had to rush down here this
morning
Mum: we thank God for evrytyn “Mary moved closer to me”
Mary:pele oko mi…..what will you eat now, mummy,
daddy what should i prepare for you now
Mum: anything my daughter…atleast we can eat now
and u are now happy
Mary: yes ooooo I quickly dashed down to the bathroom, change my
cloth and quickly took a kangaroo bath which didnt last
close to 5mins. I wonder why non of them did not
reason why my cloth was not stained. After my parent
left, i was forced to have another round of s*x by Mary
as she complained we could av done it the previous night “as if i care”
Days goes by and i became a regular visitor at Biola’s
house, hardly a day goes by without me visiting her at
home, only that i dont sleep over and some weekend i
will stay over at her place lying to Mary that we are on
official assignment to another town which require us sleeping over on saturday night and coming back on
sunday.
Living with Mary was definitely not as cool as i thought
as she feels greatly insecure, she snoop on my fone at
any given opportunity asking abt who i called and who
called me. Thank God she doesnt know Biola’s new number and i saved it on my fone codedly. We had
argument about any lady that called me and it became
physical sometimes even though i never touched her.
Sometimes she wont cook for me whenever she’s
angry, she lock me out whenever she feel have passed
the normal time i should be home from work. It became a thing of embarrassment as we are now
synonymous to trouble in the neighbourhood but i still
maintain my cool and always fall back to Biola as my
confidant whenever am having trouble at home.
Its almost 5 months into my marriage couping with
Mary’s trouble which i believe will relief after giving birth. Her pregnancy is already 7 months and we have
started counting down.
Back to Biola’s house where i was a regular visitor, i
became known to all her neighbour and there is a
particular guy called Emma which Biola introduced to
me the first night we spent together on my wedding day. We met Emma on my way going out in the
morning and Biola introduced me to him as her
fiancee. Of mention is the fact that Emma was eyeing
Biola initially so introducing me to him cool everything
down from his side and i tried to move a bit closer to
him too. Any time am at Biola’s place and his around, we
ometimes sit outside to gist, discuss about so many
things and sometimes go to his house to play video
games together in company of Biola. Its an
understatement that Emma was a womanizer and for
the past 6 month have been going there, have met nothing less than four girls with him and all trying to be
mrs right and he always affirm that he will never marry
any of them.
I was in Emma’s room this particular weekend playing
game as usual when suddenly NEPA struck and there
was no fuel. He decided to quickly dash down to the filling station while i waited for him, i requested that
he
should let me look at films he has on his laptop to see
if there is any of interest to me, he opened the system
for me.
It was film i was suppose to be looking for but i clicked on pictures, i started looking at difference folders on
the laptop and i stumbled on so many pictures until i
got to a folder which look like a hidden folder but i
guess he forgot to do a setting that will allow hidden
folder not to show.
My church mind said i should open the folder which i did and wat i saw was alarming, unclad pictures of so
many babes and i believe it was pictures of girls he has
slept with just to keep them as souvenir. I was
checking the pics and enjoying myself until i stumbled
on a picture that resemble Mary, i saw so many of her
unclad pictures and one that even had her in motion sitting on his Joystick and sucking his Joystick too….i
quickly transffered some of the pics to my fone
through bluetooth and my head was just somehow on
why ladies will allow guy have thier unclad pics like
that. I guess we all can do crazy things whenever the
going is smooth. I closed the folder and go to his regular picture, i saw
so many of her pictures again, there are even most of
them that shows the pics were snapped in the same
sitting room that i was at that particular time, i was
checking the pics when Emma walked in.
To Be Continued…



NAIRAJOKES.COM




Rate this story
Add Your Own Rating



Interesting



0%
1%
2%
3%
4%
5%
6%
7%
8%
9%
10%
11%
12%
13%
14%
15%
16%
17%
18%
19%
20%
21%
22%
23%
24%
25%
26%
27%
28%
29%
30%
31%
32%
33%
34%
35%
36%
37%
38%
39%
40%
41%
42%
43%
44%
45%
46%
47%
48%
49%
50%
51%
52%
53%
54%
55%
56%
57%
58%
59%
60%
61%
62%
63%
64%
65%
66%
67%
68%
69%
70%
71%
72%
73%
74%
75%
76%
77%
78%
79%
80%
81%
82%
83%
84%
85%
86%
87%
88%
89%
90%
91%
92%
93%
94%
95%
96%
97%
98%
99%
100%





Educative



0%
1%
2%
3%
4%
5%
6%
7%
8%
9%
10%
11%
12%
13%
14%
15%
16%
17%
18%
19%
20%
21%
22%
23%
24%
25%
26%
27%
28%
29%
30%
31%
32%
33%
34%
35%
36%
37%
38%
39%
40%
41%
42%
43%
44%
45%
46%
47%
48%
49%
50%
51%
52%
53%
54%
55%
56%
57%
58%
59%
60%
61%
62%
63%
64%
65%
66%
67%
68%
69%
70%
71%
72%
73%
74%
75%
76%
77%
78%
79%
80%
81%
82%
83%
84%
85%
86%
87%
88%
89%
90%
91%
92%
93%
94%
95%
96%
97%
98%
99%
100%





Unique



0%
1%
2%
3%
4%
5%
6%
7%
8%
9%
10%
11%
12%
13%
14%
15%
16%
17%
18%
19%
20%
21%
22%
23%
24%
25%
26%
27%
28%
29%
30%
31%
32%
33%
34%
35%
36%
37%
38%
39%
40%
41%
42%
43%
44%
45%
46%
47%
48%
49%
50%
51%
52%
53%
54%
55%
56%
57%
58%
59%
60%
61%
62%
63%
64%
65%
66%
67%
68%
69%
70%
71%
72%
73%
74%
75%
76%
77%
78%
79%
80%
81%
82%
83%
84%
85%
86%
87%
88%
89%
90%
91%
92%
93%
94%
95%
96%
97%
98%
99%
100%





Organization



0%
1%
2%
3%
4%
5%
6%
7%
8%
9%
10%
11%
12%
13%
14%
15%
16%
17%
18%
19%
20%
21%
22%
23%
24%
25%
26%
27%
28%
29%
30%
31%
32%
33%
34%
35%
36%
37%
38%
39%
40%
41%
42%
43%
44%
45%
46%
47%
48%
49%
50%
51%
52%
53%
54%
55%
56%
57%
58%
59%
60%
61%
62%
63%
64%
65%
66%
67%
68%
69%
70%
71%
72%
73%
74%
75%
76%
77%
78%
79%
80%
81%
82%
83%
84%
85%
86%
87%
88%
89%
90%
91%
92%
93%
94%
95%
96%
97%
98%
99%
100%







Minutes later i heard Chioma’s voice in the
hallway. I breathed deeply, waited for some
minutes before going over to her office. An office
she shared with an elderly Bini woman.
Luckily she was alone when i walked in,scribbling something down in a notebook her back turned
towards me. I slowly drew
close and coughed. She quickly turned and faced
me with a slightly drawn face.
“my love” i breathed with deep passion wrapped
with love. I trembled as i stared at her, my lips quivering with profound
uneasiness.
She wasn’t just an ordinary lady to me. I was so
much in love with her.
Her eyes melted as she stared at me. Her slightly
drawn face slowly eased up,colouring deeply. “you jerk” she cursed, breathing deeply as if she
was struggling to breathe. I drew close and tried
to hold her but she quickly backed away.
“it was just a little misunderstanding. The case
has been closed” i tried to explain nervously.
“but did you commit the crime, did you do it?” She asked seriously. I couldn’t answer.
Chioma was just a simple decent girl who never
believed in hurting people. The trust she had in
me was already gone but i felt admitting my
crime to her will kill the remaining respect she
had for me. Moreover it wasn’t just an ordinary crime. It was an abominable thing that i did. An
abortion, a forcefully induced one.
“How could i admit it and still have her back?” i
wondered.
“i want nothing but the truth. I need to hear the
whole story. I can’t believe i have been blind all along” she said,breaking my spirit more.
“can’t we forget about this and move on? You
know how serious our relationship is.
We have our plans or have you forgotten?” i
pleaded with utter despair. She shook her head
and blocked her ears with her hands. “i don’t care. I’m not desperate to get married.
I’m still young for this shi.t. I’m not the kind of
girl who will step on another lady’s toe just to
get married. I see you arn’t willing to tell me
anything so just forget about us” she screamed
and ran out of the office leaving me all alone. I wanted her badly, but i couldn’t get myself to
tell her the truth. Confessing my atrocity was one
thing and revealing my plans to her another. I
couldn’t do one without revealing the other and
She wasn’t just the kind of girl i could divulge my
plans to. She was way too decent to understand.

>>

BIG CASSAVA JOKE BY DINDY.

:…..

……IN A WHATSAPP GROUP…….

Tola: Does any guy here have a big cassava?.

:….
Dindy sends the picture of his cassava.
:……

Toby: Wow such a big cassava.

Amaka: It’s so large.

Anita: I so wanna eat it.

Tola: Dindy please let’s talk privately.
:…..

…..PRIVATE CHAT…….

Tola: Dindy please can I have your cassava please I beg of you.

Dindy: I don’t know, other ladies want it too.

Tola: I promise I will pay you money.

Dindy: Other ladies offered me money too.

Tola: Dindy I swear I will pay double.

Dindy: Ok.

Tola: So my house or yours?.

Dindy: Yours.

Tola: Tomorrow right?.

Dindy: Yes.

Tola: Oh thank you dear, you have made me so happy.

Dindy: You are welcome.

Tola: But wait Dindy.

Dindy: What is it?.

Tola: Please grind the cassava very well before you bring it because I wanna use it to make garri for my husband to eat………..

:…..
See your dirty mind, may God have mercy on you
:……

_please Like my facebook page:

Akpors the busybody decided to go into journalism as he was told he could get good money from bringing in the best news.
He hit the road on his first day as a journalist in search of hot gists on the street; less than 30minutes into his quest, he stumbled upon a group of people standing around an accident scene, he was still wondering what was going on when he over heard one of the people say ‘chai, na so this driver just kill am’.
Getting excited about the matter he wanted to be the first to give breaking news of this tragic event, however, he could not get through as the crowd refused to move for him. All of a sudden he though about a good plan to gain access to the scene, he cleared his throat and shouted on top of his voice: “LET ME THROUGH, THE VICTIM IS MY FATHER!!!.”
To Akpors’ surprise, his plan worked perfectly as the horrified and surprised crowd suddenly parted ways in shock for him, happily he struggled to the middle of the crowd in excitement to take pictures, only for him to find a “DEAD GOAT”!!!One word for Akpors this time?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-17 06:59:41

200 Views



wahala [Read it]



DEFINITION OF WAHALA:
~When the person interviewing you at
your new job is the same guy you insulted in
traffic.
You go apologise tire.
~When you tell your friend "your mama!!!"
and then u turn around to see his/her mum
staring at you.
Meeehn, u go collect plenty slap.
~When Mosquito lands on your father's bald
head and u try to kill it with your bare
hands.
You must provide d proof ohh, or else...
~ When you update"salary things" on
Facebook and your landlord comments "on
point"""
U go travel go villa by force.
~ When you're in a bus and you dispose of #
500 note instead of gala wrapper.
O'boy, E don red be dat!
~ When ur Dad works at NEPA and they take
light and you shout "God punish
NEPA".......and he's there with u.
Na ur mama go start to pay ur school fees.
~ When u dey on top okada and the okada
man dey ping...
# Lol. Na automatic ticket to Baba God be dat.
~ When you finish eating in an eatery and u
find out wallet fell out in a taxi...
Start to prepare ur grammar.
~ When Usain Bolt chases u with a Cutlass...
O boy, just stop beg am, cos ur own don
finish.
~ When u give beggar #500 note instead
of #50.
~When soldier punish u finish come release u
make u dey go, u come climb ur bike come
shout
"officer thunder fire u" and ur bike no come
gree
start again.
~When u dey inside bus, buy 1 gala and the
seller run
wit N950 change, OYO for u.
~When you post on
Facebook "My boss is an idiot" and ur boss
like ur
post. No just go work tmrw.
# Generosity go change mind.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-18 21:18:36

395 Views




If you set goals and go after them with all the determination you can muster, your gifts will take you places that will amaze you.

~ Les BrownRelated

Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 10 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 10 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away.At Maria's funeral, priest Akpos looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together."Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?" Akpos replied, "I mean her legs."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-19 08:35:12

704 Views




A fight between a Rich man and a Poor man.


RICH MAN: You're a fool!


POOR MAN: You are an idiot sir.


RICH MAN: I'm gonna make sure you rot in jail!


POOR MAN: It's a lie jooor, I'm ready for you.


RICH MAN: You gonna hear from my Lawyer soon?


POOR MAN: No problem, I will report you to my NATIVE DOCTOR!


RICH MAN: Hey brother, I was only joking.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-16 19:34:33

238 Views




Santa: The recruitment consultant asked me ‘What do you think of voluntary work?

Banta: So what was your reply?

Santa: I said, “I wouldn’t do it if you paid me.”Related

*friend with her gf walking on road*

*suddenly i notice him*

*jealous ;-;*

*shout at him sale bandi mil gyi to baap ko bhool gya*

MISSION SUCCESSFULRelated

I dialled Jboy’s phone number and waited for him to
pick up my call.
“my guy!” i soon heard his voice scream over the
phone. I smiled and breathed deeply. “we need to see this evening, should i come over to
your house?” i asked,
“sure just come. I will be waiting” he answered before
cracking a silly joke. I laughed and hung up.
A sharp knock on my door quickly brought back my
attention. I rose from the chair, went and opened the door. It was no other person than Mary.
I wasn’t happy seeing her but i managed out a smile.
“my love you really don’t try in calling or checking up
on me. You hardly call nor show care” she complained
as she walked into the sitting room. I kept quiet, saying
nothing as i returned to the chair i was sitting before she knocked.
“well i came to check if you need any help. Maybe with
your laundry or food” she said inquisitively, sat on my
laps and stared into my eyes.
“no thanks dear, i don’t need any help for the moment”
i murmured. She quickly frowned, and brought her face close to mine.
“you are not happy that i came” she asked sadly. I
forced out another smile while i rubbed her back with
my right palm.
“of course i’m” i smiled,
“so when are you actually seeing our pastor?” she asked, but before i could say anything my phone rang,
drawing our attention to it. I was extremely surprised
to see that the call was coming from Chioma. I couldn’t
believe my eyes.
“hello” i greeted with excitement,
“you know we really have to straighten things out?” she said slowly,
“so where are you?. I hope you are at home because i’m
about three minutes away from your house. I just don’t
know what is pushing me to do this” she softly said and
hung up as if she wasn’t sure of what she was doing,
equally giving me no chance to say anything. My face quickly coloured as i slowly withdrew the phone
from my ear. I was a bit lost or should i say indecisive. I
even failed to notice that Mary’s curious eyes were on
me until she coughed.
“what’s the problem?” she asked curiously.
I stared at her not knowing what to say. A part of me was still angry with Chioma over what she
did the previous day while the greater part of me was
excited that she was finally about giving me a listening
ear. I really was in love with her and knowing that she
was on her way to my apartment was too much a
surprise to bear. Then i remembered she was just four minutes away
and Mary was still with me.
“talk to me nau, what’s the problem?, who called?” i
heard Mary ask again.

>>

Who is Joseph? [Read it]


GIRLFRIEND: Hello oooo
dearie!!!! KWAME: Hi. GIRLFRIEND: What happened? KWAME: Nothing. GIRLFRIEND: No, say na, what
happened? You look unhappy. KWAME: I will ask you
something now and you have
to tell me the truth. Will you? GIRLFRIEND: Okay, ask. KWAME: Who is Joseph? He
likes all your profile pictures
and even your status updates
on facebook. Who the hell is
he? GIRLFRIEND: Please don't say
anything about him. KWAME: Is he your ex-
boyfriend? Are you still in love
with him? GIRLFRIEND: Why would I love
him. You are my only love. KWAME: Then, is he your
brother? GIRLFRIEND: No, no. Not like
that. KWAME: Then who the hell is he
for Christ's sake? GIRLFRIEND: Shall we talk
about something else? KWAME: So you are hiding
something from me? You have
that much close relationship
with him. He's so much
important to you, right? GIRLFRIEND: If I disclose the
secret you will definitely scold
me. KWAME: I'm getting irritated
now. Don't test my patience. GIRLFRIEND: Pleasssssseeee! KWAME: If you don't tell me, I
will break up with you right
now! GIRLFRIEND: Okay, I will tell
you. But promise me that you
won't scold me, okay? KWAME: Okay. GIRLFRIEND: Ermmmm, that is
my fake profile, if no one likes
my pictures, I like my pictures
through that account and also
post comments like beautiful,
hot, sexy, nice one, etc


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-12 23:38:51

1321 Views



#CommEnt# [Read it]


Read 'n' Comment
1. Why are you counting your money in
front of the ATM? Will you return it if it’s
incorrect?
2. It amazes me that people are afraid to
talk in the exam room when the question
clearly said “Discuss”
3. Some girls are looking for tall guys with
pink lips and six packs when their fathers
are short, potbellied with black protruding
lips…Can’t you be humble like your mum?
4. If People Can Use “LOL” Without Even
Laughing, Surely They can Use “I Love You”
Without Even Loving You.
5. You’ve been Engaged since 2010, till
today, you’re still ENGAGED.
MY girl, you’re not LORD OF THE RINGS..
please return that “key holder”!
6. Why are babies in the womb for 9
months and aren’t 9 months old when they
are born?
7. Stupidity is when u have a Land Rover +
Land Cruiser and still have a Land Lord, the
landlord will surely not allow you to PARK
your Lands on His Land…


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-05 00:16:30

705 Views




Writer: OPAYEMI ABIODUN OLUSEGUN.
Title: MY STRANGE JOURNEY.
Part: 3.
Not minding the consequences, I followed the
straight path.
Though the environment feels cool, there is
nothing like air blowing, no matter how small
one can think of.
Within a short time, I observed a house standing directly in front of the path I followed.

Very soon, I reached this house.

The door to the house opened as I stepped on
its verandah, and inside I went!

The house was full of flowers ranging from Rose, Tulip, Hibiscus, Zinia, Aster, Jasmine, Lily, Marigold, Crocus, Begonia, Bellflower,
Camellias,Clover, Lotus, Petunia, Tansy and lots I had never set my eyes on.

In a short while, a voice ordered me to sit
down.

The seats were made from pure animal skin and looks great. I sat like a new king.

I sat like an hour before a lady came out to
where I was, I stood up to welcome her. 'Sit
down' a tiny sweet voice came out from her
without her opening mouth.
It seems like a telepathic communication.

>> Part 4 -

A FRENCH MAN COME TO NIGERIA FOR BUSINESS AND DECIDE TO LODGE IN THE HOTEL. THERE, HE MEET A NIGERIAN LADY AND DECIDE TO RIDE THE NIT WIT HER. HE GAVE THE GIRL 2O 000francs and tells her to see him off the ariport. As the man want to enter the plane, he turn to the lady and say "LA money la fake" the nigerian lady turn to him and reply, " la SEX la HIV" the french man falls down and faint.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-08 08:07:10

1466 Views




After a couple more futile shots, I told him I really had to leave. While we played, we talked about various topics; I realized he was very smart. He also avoided some questions tactfully like when I asked him about his parents.
Jafar: Uche will drop you off, lemme call him. Do me well to send my best regards to Abayomi and Timi.
Me: you keep mentioning Timi, what’s that about?
Jafar: they are both members of your team, is there any reason why you are touchy about him?
I shrugged.
Me: Uche is taking forever, where can I get a cab around?
Jafar: lemme drop you off.
I didn’t know if I wanted that, being associated with a cultist or Confra as he calls it especially during the election period. But instead of saying no, I followed him to his Benz.
The car moved like him, quiet and efficient. He had a marc Anthony cd on. The track playing was “when you sang to me”. Unfortunately….very unfortunately…I liked the song.
‘of all the words you said to me about life, the truth and being free, yea..you sang to me’
I sang along shamelessly. He would look at me sometimes and giggle. The ride was almost feeling like a normal one until I noticed the Volvo that was following us through the rear mirror, same Volvo that carried off Acho’s sorry a-s.
Me: your goons are following us?
Jafar: you also have a problem with my guys following me?
Me: what are you…Mr president?
Jafar: I am number 1
He said it so casually, that I couldn’t even condemn him. But my mind went through stories I have heard about what it takes to be number 1. I looked at his hand and wondered the evil he had done. I wondered how they hurt him during his initiation…I didn’t like the imagination of people hurting him. I was getting stupid. Then we got to the front of Toun’s house.
Jafar: see you soon
Me: very funny, there is one question I wanted to ask you. Do you think we will win, like honestly?
Jafar: with everything we have invested, that’s a lot of faith don’t you think?
Me: answer my question
Jafar: we can only do our best and hope it comes out well…we will do just fine
Me: bye…thanks for the ride
Jafar: thanks for the food
Me: very funny…
I noticed the Volvo stride behind the Benz as they drove away. I walked up to the door and was about to knock when I heard Toun moan. Listening carefully, I heard the grunt of the guy straffing my friend. I waited for about 15 minutes before I knocked. I hoped it wasn’t what I thought; I hoped it wasn’t another guy. It would have crushed me if it wasn’t Abayomi. When Toun opened the door and I saw his idiotic smile smile satisfied with his booty call, I abused him.
Me: na so konji catch you reach
Abayomi: no be you kidnap my girlfriend
Me: Jafar sends his regards
Abayomi: people in Ikenne send theirs
Me: Toun, how far?
Toun: where you the one standing by the door?
Me: oh, you noticed, I though you didn’t?
Toun: I did, I was hoping it wasn’t Isaac, he is fond of eavesdropping when Abayomi comes to sleep over
Me: who is Isaac?
Toun: Landlord’s son.
Abayomi: I have to go now
Toun: ehen now, you have gotten what you came for.
Abayomi: oya lets go to my house. Spend the night
Toun: I can’t leave my friend
I brought out my tongue, Abayomi ignored me.
Me: so how is Timi?
Abayomi: he is at a Annie’s place. He fell sick on our way back. Malaria I guess.
Me: he will be sleeping there?
Abayomi: lool…why is that your biz?
Me: I am just concerned
Toun and Abayomi laughed at me.
Days flew past and thankfully there was no threat to my security. I moved back to my apartment after Abayomi bribed me with paid lunch for a month. The guy wanted to screw his chic and I was a hindrance, plus I was still feeling uneasy about I and Toun’s parole. Unfortunately for Abayomi though, she spent a lot of time in my house. One of those times when she spent the night, Chibuzor, my neighbor nearest to the gate became born-again. We were swallowing garri and soup when someone started shouting . i identified the voice as Chibuzor’s.
Chibuzor: Holy God, I accept this anointing, I accept this cup….my lord …my Jesus..old things are passed away..no more bad bad things.
We were laughing inside the room when we heard a crash..Chibuzor did not open his door, he broke his door and stood arms akimbo in the compound. He was shouting so loud, everybody came out of their rooms
Chibuzor: Satan is a liar, my soul belongs to Jesus, mary, peter, mark,luke Isaiah, moses, noah, Daniel, Jacob, father Abraham, Michael, aaron, Elijah,Solomon, Ezekiel…
The list of biblical names continued,…..Job, Hannah, Samson .. I noticed his girlfriend crying infront of their room, I looked at Toun bewildered only to see the mumu Laughing.
Me: what is funny?
Toun: cant I laugh again?
I ignored her and walked to Chibuzor’s girlfriend, she was scared
Me: why are you crying?
Girlfriend: someone should please help him
Me: from being born-again?
Girlfriend: which born-again? He just finished eating and started praying seriously, I joined him as a supportive girlfriend until I heard “in Ojukwu’s name I pray” I got worried but I continued with him. Then he started preaching to me.
By this time, some neighbours stood beside me to listen to her
Girlfriend: he shouted and said “ woman, you have demons in your toto, demons that have been depriving me of A, B ONLY D,E and F”.
Toun: is that true?
I gave Toun a dirty stare. Then looked at Chibuzor, he was doing push-ups, the girlfriend went to him at this point.
Girlfriend: baby why are you doing push-ups?
Chibuzor: I am not your baby, I am married to Jesus, Jezebel leave me alone.
She started crying, I realized it was getting out of hand, I immediately called Timi.
Me: hello
Timi: hello Nkem
Me: quit the crap. I need you ASAP
Timi: any problem?
Me: hurry, come with your car.
Timi came into the compound in thirty minutes. By then Chibuzor was anointing us in the compound with buckets of water, as we ran, he chased us..shouting “ Unclean spirit, LEAVE!”
Timi walked into Chibuzors room and came out with a plate of beans.
Me: you want to eat his left-over, if you are hungry, we have garri na.
Timi smiled and walked to Chibuzor’s girlfriend.
Timi: wetin una put inside the beans?
Girlfriend: nothing
Timi: have you eaten?
Girlfriend: I haven’t..
Toun started laughing loudly; a couple of hisses were rained on her
Timi: your boyfriend put over-dose of weed in the beans.
Chibuzor’s girlfriend looked puzzled, but cried on.
Me: we have to take him to the hospital
Timi: yep, give me a bucket of water..
Toun got a bucket of water and gave Timi.
As Chibuzor saw Timi approach with the water, he started jubilating
Chibuzor: I anoint with water, but he that comes after me anoints with the holy-spirit, come my lord, I am not fit to untie your sandals.
Ok…I admit I laughed at this point.
Timi Aka son of God, doused Chibuzor with the water and he became a little disoriented. He tossed Toun the keys of his car, for her to drive, while I sat in front with her and he held Chibuzor at the back with his girlfriend at the other side. Toun could drive manual, I couldn’t. Our destination was Best-care hospital. As we drove along Olopomerin road, I saw a car follow us .
A Volvo.
To be continued


>>

A rich musician walks into Akpos barbing shop and says,  "Am going for a show right now. so I want a shave and as well  a nail cut."
Akpos started shaving his hair and while a woman with the biggest, most beautiful breasts he has ever seen kneels down and cut his nails.
The musician says, "I want me and you to spend some time in a hotel room after my show tonight."
She replies, "My husband wouldn`t like that."
The musician says, "Tell him you`re working overtime, and I`ll pay you N50,000"
She says, "No"
Musician "Ok 100,000"
She says, "No No"
Musician "what a heck!, ok 1million"
She says, "Noooo"
Musicisan "Ok why?"
She says "The man shaving your hair is my husband"
Akpos shouted "Idiot! have you seen 1million in your life before? Oya following him jari"



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-05 09:50:14

27915 Views




Santa, who had been away on an official trip in a small town, got a message from his company that his trip has been prolonged for an extra month.


He was already getting bored with the town. It seemed as if they rolled up the streets and turned out the lights by ten o’clock and over the course of the extra month he was getting very homesick. Finally, he gave in to temptation and visited the local brothel on the outskirts of town.


He entered and handed the madam thousand rupees and requested, “Can you give me the worst performing, most lethargic, disinterested whore in the house.”


The madam says, “Well yes, but for this kind of money, you can you can have the best we have if you like.”


“No, no,” says Santa, “you don’t understand, actually I’m not horny, I’m married and just homesick.”Related

Virat Kohli should play till his 50 as he has no career as a commentator. Because “Bhenchod ne kya shot mara hai” is not acceptable.Related

Why I can't love ????

Episode 4

I fired at him with some sort of pain in my heart. He became motionless and speechless. He was just looking at my face with shock, fear and panic. Initially I thought there was going to be some truth in what he said so even though i said all that for him to deny it because I was not very sure it was my Richmond the prefect was referring to. The question he asked me was how I managed to know. He asked whether I have hired spies to monitor him. It was there that I realized that it was real and not a scam or something else. He said he was sorry but he could explain. "Explain what? Explain how you were on top of Afia or how she was on top of you? Just give me way so I can go and sleep. The prefect will lock the door when it's late. He went on his knees and was begging me. I asked him whether He has finished with Afia. He wanted me to tell him how I got to know about all this but I just moved away from him in pain. He was still kneeling when I left there. I never turned back to see whether he stood up or not. That was my back case. I couldn't sleep that night. I switched my phone off and all I did was to shed tears. My heart was broken???? beyond repairs. Richmond tried all means to get me back to his bed but it all proved futile. Anytime I saw him on campus I do feel some sort of shock until he left to do his 'out program'. I never had any other guy till I completed the college but I almost turned into a real lesbian. I do have fun with my hall prefect until one day some Christian organization came to teach us something about lesbianism. According to them it was a sin and an act of the devil. They made us understand that once you are initiated into it, it can take only the grace of God to deliver you out of it. They added that those people will never inherit the kingdom of heaven. After the teaching, they showed us some video about it and I was really touched so I gave my life to Christ and stopped that devilish act. Richmond only had fun with Afia, they were not into any form of relationship that could take them somewhere. They only meet to have fun and that's all because after they went their separate ways after they completed. I was posted to teach in a basic school in the Eastern Region after graduation. There, I was teaching English language. I was able to impress the headteacher after there was a 100% pass in performance when the students wrote their Basic Education Certificate Examination(BECE). the least grade they had in English was 3 and that was only 5 students out of 45 that sat for the paper. During their speech and price giving day, I was awarded the best teacher for the school. I was also nominated as the best district English teacher but I ended up as the second runner up. I became vary famous and popular. It was during these period that I met my second guy, William. Even with him I don't even know how it all started because he was just a good friend and finally it turned to be a relationship. William happens to be the circuit supervisor. Because of my hardworking character, he liked me and took me as one of his friends. Even before he will come to my school to supervise, he will pre inform me before coming. On one of his usual duty to supervise teachers at post, he requested for launch with me. He planned it in a way that we will go after school. School normally closes at 2pm and besides I had no extra class that day so I honoured his offer. He came with his Toyota Compressor so we went to a very rich restaurant in town. But seriously, immediately he asked me what drink I cared for, I had that flashback of myself and Richmond at the club(spontaneous recovery). I nearly said I wouldn't take any drink but to avoid any form of given reasons for not taking any drink I said Alvaro would do for me. He asked if I was sure I wanted to take that and I said yes. He took star but we all took fufu with meat and crab. During the process of eating, he asked me if I was dating. I asked him back why he wanted to know. He said he wanted to know because he has not seen any man too close to me ever since he knew me. I said then he should be blind because there were a lot of men around me. Almost all the male teachers including the head teacher wants me. I added that even the situation was worse in the house. He finally broke his silence and said he actually likes me. This was what he said " Esther, I know there is no way such a beautiful lady like you will remain single with men being around you like bees and sugar. I am also single and I want to apply for your heart. I know the applicants are many but I wish you treat mine with the highest consideration. I love you " I was just smiling as he was delivering what I call the sugarcoated speech. After he finished I jokingly asked how many ladies he has ever said that to. We all laughed over it. I had wanted to tell him about my past experience in terms of relationship but I decided not to. This is because some men will only capitalize on your weakness and use it against you some day. I asked him to give me some time to think about what he said. He agreed. When I got home I thought of it throughout the night. I said well it's not bad to give it a try. I didn't hear from him for almost three days so I needed to do the calling. When the mountain refuse to come to Moses, Moses must go to the mountain????. When I called him all I said was " you have won " he said "are you joking or what? " I told him I don't joke with the feelings of others. Come and see how happy Mr William was over the phone. He thanked me and said I was the best thing that ever happened to his life. He promised coming over to my house on that Saturday of the week. I actually arranged and 'dressed' my room very well????. Around 5pm, he was around. He came with some gifts. In fact he demonstrated that he was actually happy to have had me as his lover. I didn't just accept his proposal just because he was rich. Yes he was rich but he was also respectful and God fearing. Talking about his looks, he was charming. He always rate me high anytime he comes around for supervision. To be honest, I really enjoyed life with William. He cared for me and he was not a fan of sex as compared to my ex Richmond. He was always concerned about my well-being. I do visit him at his place especially over the weekends. My head teacher started noticing my relationship with William. His worry was why I didn't accept his proposal but for crying out loud, he was too old to be my father. I was 27 and he was in his late fifties but a widower with three children. How can a young girl like me start life with a person who has such number of children? I saw jealousy in his actions. Anytime I present my lesson notes he will definitely get some fault with it and write with red pen inside. He will tell all sort of things about Me to William anytime he comes around to supervise. William do tell me about his complaints to me. I explained everything to him and he also understood why he was behaving in that way. This started making my work difficult for me so I asked William to workout things for me so that I get a transfer from that school to another school. He tried for me but the final signature from my head teacher for the transfer became a problem. I went to his office one afternoon for him to sign the letter for me and all he said was he will only do that if I should give myself to him. And that is because once I leave, he wouldn't see me again. I nearly insulted him but I thought of it and I said to myself that my hands were in his mouth so the little thing I will do can make him worsen the situation for me. I told him there was no way I could do that and besides he was not my man so why should I give myself to him. I left the office without even taking the letter I sent for him to sign. When I got home I went to Williams place to report everything to him. He said he has a plan. He said he would like to disgrace him if he should misbehave. He said he will come and fix a secret camera in his office the next time he comes to the school. After that he will signal me to go back to him to sign the letter. If he should repeat the request I should pretend to accept. Even if possible I should go naked. I told William that would be difficult for me to do. So He said I should do the little I could. The following two days William came and everything was set. He prompted me and I went to the office to do exactly as planned. Mr Robert never got any conscience. He insisted on his request. I said OK I will do it. He stood up and came to lock the door. He came and started holding my breast and squeezing it. From the breast he started opening my zip there I held his hands and I said this was an office so let's continue when school is over so he should sign the letter for me. He said OK he will do that after school when we complete our task. I dressed up and left the office. Asem aba!

What happened next?

Episode 5 Will come. Stay blessed.



NAIRAJOKES.COM




Rate this story
Add Your Own Rating



Interesting



0%
1%
2%
3%
4%
5%
6%
7%
8%
9%
10%
11%
12%
13%
14%
15%
16%
17%
18%
19%
20%
21%
22%
23%
24%
25%
26%
27%
28%
29%
30%
31%
32%
33%
34%
35%
36%
37%
38%
39%
40%
41%
42%
43%
44%
45%
46%
47%
48%
49%
50%
51%
52%
53%
54%
55%
56%
57%
58%
59%
60%
61%
62%
63%
64%
65%
66%
67%
68%
69%
70%
71%
72%
73%
74%
75%
76%
77%
78%
79%
80%
81%
82%
83%
84%
85%
86%
87%
88%
89%
90%
91%
92%
93%
94%
95%
96%
97%
98%
99%
100%





Educative



0%
1%
2%
3%
4%
5%
6%
7%
8%
9%
10%
11%
12%
13%
14%
15%
16%
17%
18%
19%
20%
21%
22%
23%
24%
25%
26%
27%
28%
29%
30%
31%
32%
33%
34%
35%
36%
37%
38%
39%
40%
41%
42%
43%
44%
45%
46%
47%
48%
49%
50%
51%
52%
53%
54%
55%
56%
57%
58%
59%
60%
61%
62%
63%
64%
65%
66%
67%
68%
69%
70%
71%
72%
73%
74%
75%
76%
77%
78%
79%
80%
81%
82%
83%
84%
85%
86%
87%
88%
89%
90%
91%
92%
93%
94%
95%
96%
97%
98%
99%
100%





Unique



0%
1%
2%
3%
4%
5%
6%
7%
8%
9%
10%
11%
12%
13%
14%
15%
16%
17%
18%
19%
20%
21%
22%
23%
24%
25%
26%
27%
28%
29%
30%
31%
32%
33%
34%
35%
36%
37%
38%
39%
40%
41%
42%
43%
44%
45%
46%
47%
48%
49%
50%
51%
52%
53%
54%
55%
56%
57%
58%
59%
60%
61%
62%
63%
64%
65%
66%
67%
68%
69%
70%
71%
72%
73%
74%
75%
76%
77%
78%
79%
80%
81%
82%
83%
84%
85%
86%
87%
88%
89%
90%
91%
92%
93%
94%
95%
96%
97%
98%
99%
100%





Organization



0%
1%
2%
3%
4%
5%
6%
7%
8%
9%
10%
11%
12%
13%
14%
15%
16%
17%
18%
19%
20%
21%
22%
23%
24%
25%
26%
27%
28%
29%
30%
31%
32%
33%
34%
35%
36%
37%
38%
39%
40%
41%
42%
43%
44%
45%
46%
47%
48%
49%
50%
51%
52%
53%
54%
55%
56%
57%
58%
59%
60%
61%
62%
63%
64%
65%
66%
67%
68%
69%
70%
71%
72%
73%
74%
75%
76%
77%
78%
79%
80%
81%
82%
83%
84%
85%
86%
87%
88%
89%
90%
91%
92%
93%
94%
95%
96%
97%
98%
99%
100%






family mata [Read it]


Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-19 08:37:49

200 Views




One day, three girls went swimming in a nearby dam.
They undressed and went on with their business.
Twenty minutes later, Akpors came and stood next to where they left their clothes.
The girls said, “what have you come to see? You are unlucky because we won’t get out of this water till you leave,”
And they started drifting towards the deepest parts.
Akpors replied,”I’ve got nothing to do with you, i just came to feed the crocodiles in here!
The girls jumped out of the water.One word for Akpors this time?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-16 13:52:36

254 Views




FUN TIME!!!
DUMB QUESTION AND GOOD ANSWER
1)sOme1 calls u around 2am in d midnight nd
ask u if u ar sleepin..
Answer:no,i am pickin beans to cuk..
2)it is rainin nd sme1 sees u going out nd d
person asks u"ar u goin out in dis rain..
Answer:no,in d next rain...nonsense..
4)dey see u comin out of d bathroom wet nd
dey ask u"did u jst tak ur bath"..
Answer:no,i fell into d toilet bowl...rubbish..
5)ur MAN comes home wit a bunch of flower
and u still ask him"are those flowers..
Answer:no baby,dey ar carrot..
6)you ar in d toilet nd u locked d door nd sme1
comes dere nd says"who is there"..
Answer:sowi,it is d poo dt close d door..
7)u ar in a queue at d cinema to buy ticket nd
sme1 asks u"wt ar u doin here"
answer:i came here to pay my sch fees..
you are lying dwn wit ur 2 eyes close nd
sme1 asks u"ar u sleepin"..
Answer:no,i am practicin hw to die..hiss
9)you are cleanin ur room wit a brush nd sme1
asks u"ar u sweepin ur room"
answer:no,i am teachin d floor hw to dance"..
LOLS !!!Add urs..



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-05 19:16:09

128 Views



Next Page >>
<< Previous Page