Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


“My daughter..its time to come home”Ebere
heard the voice.She saw her,calling on her.It
took her sometime to realise it was her mother.
Oh,how she missed the woman.The cold hands
of death snatched the woman away from her
when she was still very young,leaving her under
the care of her relations.
“Come my daughter.Come”She smiled
again,smiling pleasantly.
“I am coming mommy.I am coming”Ebere said
happily,running up to her.
Ebere felt someone tapping her.She opened her
eyes only to find herself on the hospital bed.She
had been day dreaming.One of her house
neighbour was beside her.She was the one who
tapped her,hearing her talk in her dream.
Ebere winced and moaned painfully as she tried
to shift on the bed.Her eyes darted to her
shoulder which was dressed with bandages and
white cloth.The memories of how Sonia had
shot her flashed through her.
She dropped her raised head back on the
pillow.
“I’m sorry ok? The doctor said you will get
better.They have removed the bullet
already”her neighbour told her.
Ebere nodded.She couldn’t believe she was still
alive.
Just then,she saw Angela’s parents,Adaora and
another neighbour of hers enter the room.Her
heart skipped a beat.She thought they have
come to finish her up for having a hand in the
kidnapp of their precious daughter.
At first,Mrs Ngozi couldn’t believe it was
Ebere,the only good friend of her daughter,who
kidnapped Angela and even went as far as
wanting to kill her.Angela had pleaded with
them not to involve the police.However,they
have found it as a perfect opportunity to
persuade Ebere to retrace all her steps against
Sonia.
Ebere eyed the woman who brought them to
her,calling her ‘over sabi sabi’ in her mind but
the woman was not to blame afterall.
Her fears were clearly written all over head as
she fidgeted uncomfortably on the bed.
Mr.uwa cleared his throat and asked Ebere if
she could tell her two friends to excuse them.
Ebere signaled to them to please give them a
little privacy.
“Why do you want to kill my daughter?”Ngozi
asked her with distate.
“It’s between the both of us”Ebere answered
shamefully,confused about their visit,which
looked like a peaceful one.How could they be
easy with her when she tried killing her
daughter.
“What actually do you have against Sonia?”Mr
uwa asked.
“It was between the both of us too but now,its
known.She is murderer”Ebere replied.
“What exactly did you tell the police?”Adaora
threw another question at her.
“Just exactly what i said.She is a murderer”She
maintained.
“What evidence have you given them?”Mr. Uwa
asked her.
“I haven’t given them any evidence yet,but i
sure have one.Sonia cannot deny it”Ebere
answered him.
“You must withdraw that case immediately or
else,you would also face the law for kidnapping
my daughter”Mr.uwa threatened her.
Ebere kept quiet,different thoughts racing
through her.She felt empty and miserable.How
was she going to live again,knowing she tried to
kill her friend but failed? The thought of getting
her again for the ‘dibia’ never crossed her mind.
She soon heard herself sniffing.From simple
sniffing,she bursted into a loud cry.
“Just look at me…am i not getting older by the
day? Are my mates not married? I am 32…will
any man ever…”Ebere coughed in between her
loud sobs.Her rate at which her tears flowed
could make one believe they would fill a bucket.
“Some one told me it was Angela who told mike
about my lifestyle,telling him the ones i did and
the ones i didnt do.I was forced to believe
because she swore with her life that she was
telling me the truth.I decided to take revenge
on her”Ebere cried,regretting everything she
did.
“How could you believe such a story?”
“please forgive me.I am sorry.help me plead
with Angela to forgive me.tell her i am sorry.i
still want to be her friend.she never did me any
harm.I will do whatever you asked me to do
about Sonia.I will….”she couldn’t continue due
to her excessive sobs.
Ngozi went close to her and tried comforting
her.
“i just want to have peace of mind.I will tell
them the whole thing was a mistake,Sonia did
nothing to me.I will try and make sure the
police releases her,”She assured them,”Please
tell Angela that i am sorry”
Mr and mrs Uwa took turns looking at the DNA
result.They still found it hard to believe it.After
twenty three good years.
“Mom,Dad,is that a letter”Angela shocked
them,standing before them but she didn’t get a
good view of the report.Her father quickly
folded it and filed it bank into the envelope it
came with.
“It’s nothing my dear.Don’t worry”Her father
smiled at her,while her mother nodded in
agreement with her father.
“I have to get going.Firstly,i am visiting Ebere.i
have made up my mind to.I told David about
it.She has been calling me on phone but i
refused answering”Angela said,hugged them
goodbye and left.

>>

Returning from a trip to visit my grandmother in Maine, I was stopped by a state trooper in New York for exceeding the speed limit.Grateful to have received a warning instead of a ticket, I gave him a small bag of my grandmother’s delicious chocolate-chip cookies and proceeded on my way.A short time later, I was stopped by another trooper.“What have I done?” I asked.“Nothing,” the trooper said, smiling. “I heard you were passing out great chocolate-chip cookies.”Related

BROKEN SEAL 2
By Owoeye Extinate Ayodeji


Episodes:

Chand Kaliyan Nishat Ki Chun Kar,

Muddaton Mahv-e-Yaas Rehta Hun;

Tujh Se Milna Khushi Ki Baat Sahi,

Tujh Se Mil Kar Udaas Rehta Hun!



Translation: Mahv-e-Yaas = Lost in griefRelated

Meanwhile in Punjab:

Doctor: Yeh Goli ‘Tongue’ ke Niche Rakhna.

Santa: Kehdi Tang, Left ya Right?Related

EPISODE 24

The lady pursuing her was short and ugly. She had
the feeling they’d met somewhere before but now
she couldn’t remember where.
And in the weird manner of dreams, the lady wore
a long black gown with hair that stood up in long
thread-covered spikes. She concentrated more on surviving. She ran fast
but her pursuer ran like she was on rollers. Ghostly
quite. The narrow bush-fringed track seemed
endless.
Now the evil woman appeared in her front. She
jolted to a halt. The woman threw her lips open in a wicked laugh.
Black-stained teeth flashed at her.
She trembled. The woman held out two hands to
strangle her. She knew of nothing else to do. Her
body felt too heavy for a fight, as if under a
numbing spell. She closed her eyes, surrendering herself to death.
Cynthia came awake with a sudden start. She
clutched Jack The Bear to herself and tried to settle
her breathing.
Soon a knock landed on the door.
‘Who is that?’ ‘It’s me, ma.’
‘Ngozi?’
‘Yes, ma. Madam asked me to call you. Your friend
is around.’
Cynthia struggled out of the bed.
At the sitting room, Vanessa stood up and hugged her.
Cynthia’s mother closed her book and put her
glasses in the case.
‘I’ll leave you two.’ She walked into the room.
Vanessa didn’t ask many questions before she
lowered her voice and told her what she had come for– the final solution to the whole drama.
Cynthia stared while she unzipped her shiny
leather bag and brought a small bottle. She held it
up for her to see. ‘Just a single drop and she’d
bleed empty.’
Cynthia shook her head, her face dull with hesitation.
‘No, Vanessa, I don’t think I can do that.’
‘Babe, you will. The only bind tying them together
is that pregnancy. It was a huge mistake you made
not allowing her to carry on with the abortion in
the first place.’ Cynthia shook her head, turning her face away.
Vanessa moved closer to her.
‘Babe, listen, sometimes you have to be fierce to
get what is yours back. This is no too big a deal.
You said it yourself that she was willing to go on
with the abortion before.’ ‘Yes, but I felt she only wanted to please Richard
and I.’
‘Whatever her reason was is of little purpose, use
this and get your man back. No one would even
suspect a thing.’
Cynthia stared at the small brown bottle Vanessa held out to her, her eyes clouded with indecision.


>>

Valentine [Read it]


Hellooooo!!! Its valentine, nd want to e this medium to wsh uall a happy valentine. And same time, who will be my val? Lol!!.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-14 08:08:42

218 Views




Here’s morning tea for you guy
…………………………………………….
They were led to another part of the river
where a lot of mermen
and mermaids were, it looked like a place
where they had their
events , then the trial began, the opposition
lawyer started by
accusing humans of murder and pollution of
their water world, he
pleaded with the court to give the humans
the justice they
deserve which was death, then John was
called to defend his
friends, he first started by greeting that
judge and the entire members of the
underwater world, he then
asked the opposing lawyer what his best
food was, the opposing
lawyer replied and said he eats underwater
plants, John then
said he was also guilty of murder because
the plants also had life, he said that if the
plants could move and talk they would also
put the merman and mermaids on trial, he
explained that fish was
one of man’s best food and that man even
reared them for food, he went ahead to say
that they were some humans who kept fish
as pet, he narrated their ordeal in the hands
of the kidnappers and begged the court to
have mercy on them as they all had families
to return to, when John had finished
speaking, the court jury then swarm away to
decide on the outcome of the trial, TJ
chuckled as the jury swarm away, he could
not believe his eyes, they were being tried
by fish, he was guilty of eating fish ranging
from cat fish
pepper soup, tilapia, Titus, Sardine and many
more than he could
count, in fact fish was in the moin – moin
they hand for breakfast
that morning, the jury were back and they
were not smiling, they
told the judge their decision and went back
to their position, the
judge cleared his throat and said here is our
decision, after
hearing from both lawyers, this underwater
court finds the humans.
Not Guilty! You are therefore discharged and
acquitted, John and
his friends heaved a sigh of relief as the
judgement was passed,
John was the happiest amongst them
because he had won his
first major case, it was a special and unique
one, it was
underwater against the mer world, he knew
he was destined for
great things, he went to give the opposing
lawyer a hand shake,
the opposing lawyers hand was the softest
and smoothest hand
he had ever touched, he was full of Joy, he
was the man of the
moment, Joy stepped forward and gave him
a hug, yes! he
deserved it, the rest of his friends stepped
forward and hugged
him too, TJ gave him a pat on his cleanly
shaved head and said
that’s my boy, the princess of the
underwater world came forward
gave John something that looked like a Pearl
and whispered
something in his ear, John looked at the
pearl and nodded his
head in understanding ………………………………
It was time for them to leave the underwater
world, they were
lead upwards by hefty mermen who helped
them swim to the
river bank and quickly swarm back to their
underwater world,
finally they were free from the water world,
TJ had seen the
mermaid tell John something in his ear, he
wondered what she
might have told him, maybe, she was asking
for his bb pin or his
twitter handle, TJ chuckled as he thought,
John looked at Joy,
she was dripping with water as her Corper
vest stuck to her skin,
he could now see her sexy and lovely body,
she saw him looking
and smiled at him, John looked back at the
river which was now
calm, if there was a world record for longest
time spent by a
human being underwater without air, they
had now broken it, he
looked at his watch which he could not see
clearly, whatever the
time was, the day was far spent as it was
already evening, they
continued their journey with great precaution
as they could not
afford another negative surprise that day,
they found an orange
tree in their path and plucked some oranges
to cure their hunger,
John watched as TJ devoured an orange, he
just hoped there
was no orange kingdom to arrest them
again, they finally decided
to spend their night under the orange tree,
they would wake up in
turns to keep watch of the others, as John
lay down to sleep he
looked at the bright side of their Journey, he
had gotten a clean
hair cut and shave from his kidnappers and
he had received a
very valuable jewel from the mermaid, he
had also won his first
major case in court, he was also closer to
that girl he loved, a
cool breeze blew as John fell into a deep
sleep.
Shh! no noise..








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Bayo and his wife Ola received a letter
from their
daughter who went to study modern
physics
overseas. SHE WROTE~My beloved Parents, I
miss u
so much & it breaks my heart to think that
by d time i
get back, you will be too old. So, enclosed
you will
find a bottle of a red portion i have
invented. It will
make u young, so when i return, you will
be the same
age as i left u. NOTE: "Pls, take only a
drop."GoodBye
i love u! So they opened the envelope & in
it, is a
bottle with a red portion. The man looked
at his wife
& says U go first". So Ola takes a drop,
thereafter
Bayo follows. Indeed d wife turns 5yrs
younger. Years
later, the daughter returned home to find
her mother
young & pretty, carrying a baby on her
back. The
mother proceeds to tell her daughter how
d portion
worked & made her look young. D
daughter was
happy & asks after her father . "Your
Father?
Hmmmmm,, ur father was so jealous dat i
was so
young and beautiful, so he drank the
whole bottle.
Whaaaat? So where is he?" replied her
daughter.
Hmmmdey my back...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-19 08:01:55

297 Views




Should I start frm d beginning or where I remember um I was a lucky girl frm a rich family but my parents didn't want me proud so we moved to a mixed neighbourhood I never spent much time with my parent it was sad buh my grandma stayed with me nd my sister at the age of twelve I dated over17 guyz well it was kinda cool to use nd dump guyz buh Dat Nt d reason of my story...... people loved me especially guyz buh I gave no attention to dem I dated cute guyz who re ma seniors I lied bout my age to dem Cuz I am mature for d age,dey always wish to f**k me buh I dump dem
Read d next episode for d real story








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One hot afternoon, Akpos
and two of his friends went
for a walk.
On the road, they saw a
bag full of money and each
of one of them suggested
how the money would be
shared amongst them.
The first guy said; "I will
draw a big circle on the
ground and flip all the
money up, which ever
lands in the circle is mine,
the rest is yours."
The second friend
disagreed and said; "I will
draw a circle on the
ground and flip all the
money up, which ever
lands outside the circle is
mine while the one that
lands in the circle is
yours."
Akpos thought for a while,
and finally came up with his
own crazy idea; "I will flip
all the money up, which
ever lands on the ground
is mine, and anyone that
stays up is for both of
you."
.
.
One Word For
Akpos..??

#B-goF


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-05 19:45:10

566 Views



Observation [Read it]


First year UNIBEN medical students were
attending their 1st Anatomy Class. They all
gathered around the table and there was a real
dead body on the table.The Professor, Mr. Etim,
started the class by telling them two important
qualities of a DOCTOR. He said, "The 1st is that
never be DISGUSTED about anything in the
body." For example, he inserted his FINGER in
the dead body's ANUS & put the finger in his
own mouth & TASTED it.Then he told the
students to do what he did. The students
hesitated for several minutes, but eventually
everyone inserted their fingers in the body's
ANUS & tasted it. When everyone finished
tasting their fingers, they were all
Frowning...Then the professor looked at them &
said: "The most important 2nd Quality is
"Observation". I inserted my MIDDLE finger but
tasted the 2nd finger... Now learn to pay
attention!!"ALL the students fainted!!! don't laugh
alone. Happy weekend.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-16 12:47:48

435 Views




?You will not understand dis style of hand shake if you ar not a NIGERIAN!
Did u get dat ??







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-09-08 09:39:56

576 Views




Akpos will always go out drinking all the time and comes home very late at night. So one night his wife decides to teach him a lesson he will never forget. She dresses up like Satan and paint her face black and decides to hide in the dark, and scare him when he gets home. Akpos comes home, and his wife jumps out and screams in his face. He just looks at her and says, ”You don’t scare me I am married to your sister!”’


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-27 19:26:27

12268 Views



Are u Relaxing [Read it]


Akpos was enjoying the sun at the beach in Lekki when a lady came and asked him, "Are you relaxing?" Akpos replied, "No, I am Akpos." A man came and asked him the same question. Akpos replied, "No! No!... I`m Akpos!" Later on a little girl came and asked him same question again. Akpos became angry and decided to move away. While walking, he saw a guy sunbathing. He went up to him and asked, "Are you Relaxing?" The guy replied, "Yes, I am relaxing." Akpos hit him real hard on the face and screamed, "Where have you been?! Everybody has been asking of you?!" What do you think will happen to Akpos?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-16 07:31:40

501 Views



learner [Read it]


You were once like dis







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-28 00:46:13

802 Views



full Recovery [Read it]


Akpos and Mary were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Mary suddenly jumped into the deep end. She sank to the bottom and stayed there. Akpos promptly jumped in to save Her, he swam to the bottom and pulled Mary out.

When the medical doctor became aware of Akpos' act, he immediately ordered his discharged as he now considered him to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Akpos the news, he said "Akpos, i have good news and bad news, the good news is you are being discharged, because you were able to jump in to a swimming pool and save the life of another patient, I think you have gotten well enough and the bad news is that, the patient you saved hung herself with her bathrobe belt in the bathroom, I am sorry, she is dead."

Akpos replied, she did not hang herself, I put her there to dry!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-04 07:49:53

152 Views




Akpos and kukere were
caught in a Northern
african country, sharing a
smuggled
barrel of beer.
They were arrested and
taken to the Sheik's
palace for questioning and
judgment.
kukere lied that Akpos
smuggled and forced
him to drink the beer!
Both were initially given a
death sentence
but, as it was a national
holiday, the
Sheik decided they should
be released after
some lashes of the whip.
As they were preparing for
their
punishment, the Sheik
said, "It's my first
wife's
birthday today and she
asked me to allow
each of you 2 wishes
before your
whipping, but you cannot
wish not to be
whipped!"
kukere thought for a
second then said:
"Please tie two pillows to
my back before
whipping."
And my second wish is that
you flog me
only 20 strokes of the
whip.
He was whipped, and
luckily for him, the
pillows helped to make the
pain of the
whip lesser.
Akpos saw this; thought
for a second, then
said: "Thank you, most
royal and
merciful highness for the
wishes.
My first wish is to receive
100
lashes with the strongest,
toughest whip
available.
kukere laughed and
thought Akpos was a
fool...
The Sheik replied with a
puzzled look on his
face," and your second
wish?"
Akpos replied "Tie kukere
to my back!"
One word for AKPOS!



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-17 05:11:52

841 Views




Desmond: am sorry;i didn't meant it that way;i am really sorry. please forgive me
Stephanie: i am also sorry too;maybe i am overreacting;i shouldn't take it too personal;since i already know is a game;i am really sorry
Desmond: is alright;there is one thing i like about you;is your ability to accept your mistake and apologies without hiding anything. i am sorry
Stephanie: and i also notice that you also do apologies;where did you learn that
Desmond: i learn it from you
Stephanie: funny enough;i did not learn anything from you
Desmond: who said so?
Stephanie: i did
Desmond: are you sure?
Stephanie: fine;you got me because i know i learn something from you
Desmond: so what is it?
Stephanie: nothing
Desmond: if you don't want to tell me;i already know
Stephanie: then tell me
Desmond: i won't for now;its my little secret
Stephanie: suite yourself
Desmond: anyway;lets forget about that and face the present that means we are friends now?best friend right
Stephanie: friends but not best friends
Desmond: your forgiveness has given me joy in my heart. here we are?
Stephanie: thank you for the ride but i haven't forgiven you
Desmond: welcome;come in;this is the place we will be living here
Stephanie: it is a big place
Desmond: do you think;it was a small place or an hotel room?
Stephanie: yes;that is what i taught
Desmond: i know that is what you are scared of;that is not going to happen because you will be spending the night in other room;so go in and freshen up,its been a long trip
Stephanie: it really was a long day. good night
Desmond: good night best friends (the next morning)Stephanie;be fast we are already late
Stephanie: am coming;just a few minutes
Desmond: be fast
Stephanie: shall we(at the competition hall)(Judges introduce themselves)
Ophelia: my name is Ophelia
MR IKE: my name is Ike
MR Unbelievable: my name is Mr Unbelievable;i know you all must had been murmuring within yourself;what kind of name is this but that by the way. like my name;you can never believe my judgement(laughed all)
MR IKE: funny enough to even make all laughed(to MR Unbelievable)back to business of the day;this competition consist of three segment
Ophelia: three segment as he as just;first segment is generalise on English words;the second on your individual course in the university and lastly on Nigeria your country
Mr Unbelievable: since you know that this competition can give you a better tomorrow not just yourself but also to your school. so listen as the prizes read;first prize us a trip to Spain to learn how to installed the new electronics device which supplied light from solar and a well stock school library and e-learning library has well;second prize;is a cash of five hundred thousand to your school and hundred to you and thirdly a laptop to you. so do your best to get the first prize. five minutes is given to each question;once the time is elapse that means you have failed and had loss a point. so take care and God be with you
Mrs Ophelia: we have six contestant;two from a particular school and four from different university. once you are called;introduce yourself and when asked any question don't waste the time
MR IKE: number one
Melisa: my name is Melisa Monday;a student of Luke Fort university;studying accounting
Ophelia: can spell me embrocation;give the meaning;if you are to add other words to make a complete sentence;how will you go about it;in five minutes
Melisa: Embrocation is spell embrocation;it is a liquid substance for rubbing on sore muscles to make it less painful for example;after too much exercise and the sentences is;after mr man had a strenuous exercise he needed his wife mrs man to applied embrocation on his toes to easy the pain
MR IKE: your second question is same has the first;this time is a different word ALFRESCO
Melisa: Alfresco is spelled Alfresco. it means something that is not done in secret or close door but outdoor. sentence....MR A is inviting MR B to an alfresco lunch party
Ophelia: that is a good one but it seems you are interested in using alphabet in your sentences;you just do not want to give name to those two
MR IKE: she is indirectly tell you is a potential accountant;that is how they explain their words
MRS Ophelia: you can step down
MR IKE: number two
Rita: my name is Rita Luke;i am a student of all state university. i study business administration
MRS Ophelia: does it mean your father is the owner of Luke Fort university
Rita: not at all ma
MRS Ophelia: but if your dad is;tell him to give us employment at his university. anyway;is by the way. down to business of the day;that is if i am permitted to go ahead;you know everything in our country is business
MR Unbelievable: of cause
MRS Ophelia: you are to spelled Align;it meaning and make sentences with it
Rita: align is spelled as ALIGN;it means to arrange something in the correct position or to be in correct position in relationship to something else especially in a straight line......(she pause)
MRS Ophelia: what about the sentences young lady?
Rita: all books in the library shelves should be align according to their department
MR Unbelievable: um...

MR IKE: second question Alacrity
Rita: Alacrity is spelled alac-rity;it means a great willingness and enthusiasm. when the arrival of a new female rector was announced the entire school accepted her with all alacrity
MR Unbelievable: never(she is still standing) sorry;you can step down for the next person
Nando: my name is Nando Mike from university of Diligent;studying agriculture science
MRS Ophelia: there is your question;spelled alfalfa;it meaning and a sentences
Nando: Alfalfa is a plant used for feeding farm animals and it is spelled Alfalfa. Alfalfa can be eaten by animals and human
MR Unbelievable: second Algae
Nando: Algae is spelled Algae. it means a very simple plant used to do true stems or leaves found chiefly in water including very small floating plants and large type of seaweed. i needed no algae around my house
MR IKE: next
Desmond: my name is Desmond Jackson;a medical student of excellent university
MR IKE: since we are running out of time;when i tell you;your words,you know what to do
Desmond: yes sir
MR IKE: streptococcus
Desmond: Streptococcus is spelled STREPTOCOCCUS;it is a group of bacteria that causes infection and illness. human should live in a clean environment to prevent coming in contact with streptococcus
MR Unbelievable: cauliflower ear
Desmond: Cauliflower is spelled Cauli-flower-ear;is an ear that has been become swollen after been hit repeatedly. the patient at ward 101 is suffering from cauliflower ear due to his involvement in a street fight
MR IKE: Thanks;next
Stephanie: Stephanie Dave;student of Excellent university;art department;faculty of law
MRS Ophelia: really?caveat emptor
Stephanie: caveat emptor is spelled caveat emptor. is the principle that the customer is responsible for checking the quality of goods he or she buy. in a hire purchase system the customer operate a caveat emptor system
MRS Ophelia: Cavernous
Stephanie: cavernous is spelled cav.....(she stop)
MRS Ophelia: young lady go on
Stephanie: am sorry;can you please repeat the word
MRS Ophelia: cavernous
Stephanie: cavernous is a word with three syllable place;its spelled cavernous. cavernous is like cavern;since cavern is a cave especially a large or dark one. so cavernous is large and deep;in a simple sentences;lion are keep in cavernous to prevent them from hurting humans(she step down)
MRS Ophelia: thank you all;you all did a nice job;please in the next stage;please prepared very well;so you can do your school and family proud. so you can all go home
All contestant: thank you ma(on their way home Stephanie said nothing to him and Desmond was worried;so he break up the silent by asking her about it but she didn't say a word)
Desmond: young lady;what is wrong?(he touch her shoulder)
Stephanie: (she jump)you frighten me
Desmond: i did
Stephanie: yes
Desmond: am sorry;why are you moody?do you have a problem
Stephanie: i don't have anyone
Desmond: come on;we are friends now
Stephanie: yes
Desmond: so why don't you tell me;what ups with you?
Stephanie: is nothing;just go ahead and prepare for tomorrow competition because i want you to win
Desmond: really
Stephanie: will you prefer losing?i know you don't want that because it hurt to lose
Desmond: oh!so you don't want me to get hurt?are you having a crush on me?
Stephanie: you are funny
Desmond: i was just kidding but tell me;why are you this moody?
Stephanie: nothing;maybe i missed my friends and sisters
Desmond: don't you missed your parent?
Stephanie: i do
Desmond: anyway;don't bothered about them because i am now your guardian
Stephanie: what?
Desmond: am i too small or too big
Stephanie: none of the above
Desmond: okay;if you say you are alright;when you through you can go to bed
Stephanie: thank you;sweet dreams
Desmond: (he turned)is it just that you want to say
Stephanie: yes;that is all
Desmond: are you sure because i know you want to say i love you
Stephanie: what?that is not what i want to say. do you know what?you are so full of yourself;do you think every girl will fall in love with you?who are you?you think you are really so perfect;the riches man?the most brilliant;the most handsome?what are you?
Desmond: yes;all of them(he walked towards her)because i am every girl's dreams
Stephanie: you may be every girl dreams but not mine because you are not even my type
Desmond: i am not your type then why did you accepted my proposal?





SEE MORE....



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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A naked lady gets into taxi. Driver looks at her.

Lady: haven't you ever seen a naked woman?

Driver : no I am just wondering where you have kept the money to pay me.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-20 13:23:28

264 Views




I am a man and all that affects mankind concerns me.

-Sardar Bhagat SinghRelated

u must laf [Read it]


An old farmer wrote a letter
to his son in
prison." Son
this year I will not plant
cassava and yam because I can't dig the field, I know if
you were here
you would
have helped me". The son
replied his father "Dad don't
even think of digging the field because
that's were I
burried the money I stole".
"Nigeria POLICE" on reading
this letter went early in the
morning to the house, dug
the whole field in search of
the money but nothing was
found. The next day the son
wrote his father
again "Dad you can now plant your
cassava and yam this is the
best I can do from here. Dad
replied " haaa
my son you
are too powerful indeed ,even in prison you still
command police men to work
for me,I was
so suprised
to see the IGP and team
holding hoes and shovels, digging my farm. I will write
to you when I
want to
harvest.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-12 16:56:00

409 Views




Wife is a Memory Card;

Husband is an ATM Card;

Parents are PAN Card;

Girlfriend is a Debit Card;

Sister-in-law is a Recharge Card;

Child is an Identity Card;

But Friends are AADHAR Card – Bloody useful everywhere!Related

Continues
The news turned to an entertainment news..
Preston: when did brenden become a notorious criminal?
MeI was in a deep thought so I didnt heard what preston said i was thinking since the news is a worldwide news, maybey dad must have heard of it also.. he doesnt for any reason miss news)
Preston: hey are you okay?(tapping me)
Me: yeah I am. I was just surprused at the news..
Preston: me also. I just couldnt imagine the nice brenden of yesterday becoming the greatest criminal today??(my phone rang)
Me: oh my God! Its my dad calling(happy and worried)
Preston: that’s good pick it up.
then I picked it up and turned on the speaker out,
Me: hello, dad, look am so so sorry. I didnt mean to keep anything from you I was just trying as much as possible not to get you worried. I am also sorry for the two girls. Please dad forgive me( I wasn’t lamenting and not wanting to stop)
Dad: its okay. If it’s the death of the girls I am not mad at you I found out that their father was involved in your mother’s death and he dared not questioned me about them. The only reason I am mad at you was because you lied. You even lied about you being fine when you are suffering in the hands of those cruel Nigerians. That’s the reason I am mad at you because you I didnt bring you up as a liar.
Me: I am sorry. I promise not to lie to you again but dad Nigerians are great..
Dad: excuse me?
Me: I mean some of them
Dad: I dont agree to that if they are so nice then who is brenden whisley?
Me: uhmmm dad how did you find out about that name?
Dad: dont forget I am a news lover. I also learnt from my investigators that he attends the same university as you.. I also saw what your campus has turned into..
Me: but dad I am fine..
Dad: you will be more than fine tomorrow
Me: how do you know?
Dad: I just know. Go to bed now and be expecting a big surprise from me tomorrow..
Me: okay dad. I cant wait to see this ‘big surprise’. Goodnight dad I love you.
Dad: good night honey I love you more. (I hung up)
Preston: whoaa news do travel far.
Me: I am surprised myself well I will wait for the surprise tomorrow..lets get some sleep.
Preston: baby I know we haven’t been having time for ourselves lately but I promise to make it up to you after the battle ends.
Me: dont worry I understand now lets get some sleep.
Preston: thanks. I love you (kissing me)
The kissing turned something else…. we had s-x that night.
I woke up tired and weak. Preston was not in the room. I was happy for no reason. I went to have my bath. I came out dressed up before preston came in dressed up and holding a tray of bread and tea. I dressed up, settled down and ate the bread and tea.
Me: have you eaten?
Preston: yeah I have I am about taking the corpse to campus. Mind joining?
Me: yeah of course..
I finished eating and kept the dishes in the kitchen. Then I came to meet preston and the rest boys outside the house. Miranda and the girls were outside the house as well.
Me: miranda are you not coming?
Miranda: never mind I will stay behind
Melissa: me too. I will stay here. I hate burials.
Presley: melissa are you sure? You are supposed to be with milly all the time right? (I was surprised)
Melissa: I know but I dont feel like
Presley: Alright if you say so…
The boys, preston and I arrived at campus. We went to the field where the burials were done and respects were given. We spent three hours in all. The deceased family,friends and girlfriends came crying I felt pity for them but what can I do?.
We were coming back to campus, we were already on the stairs when I saw the greatest shock and surprise of my life. I saw some flashy cars sight in number all shiny and clean and classy as well. Everybody that was around were all surprised and were looking at the cars. All the cars stopped as the soon as soon as the first stopped. Five men came out of the first car likewise the second.. two men came out of the third and one of them opened the back door and a man came out. I was shocked. I stood still with my mouth agape. I didnt know when I shouted JESUS.
To be continued..


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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VERY FUNNY KIDS [Read it]


VERY FUNNY.......
A mother used to cook chicken every day for her kids.one day the kids got fed up.
* Girl: I'm going to tell mum to stop cooking chicken
* Boy: Why?
* Girl: I've started growing small feathers down there
* Boy: Eeeeeh! I thought I was the only one!
* Girl: You too! See mine, they are so many! Show
me yours
* Boy: (taking his shorts down) See what mum is doing to us with
her daily chicken?
* Girl: Eeeeh! You don't only have
feathers, you also have a neck of a hen!!
* Boy: hmmmm! Not only a neck, grab down the neck you will see
two eggs. I'm scared am gonna start laying eggs
soon oh!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-17 20:48:37

297 Views



Feel Me. [Read it]


I'm tired of this
nonsense.!!! .........................
So because I gave
Obama my
phone number I can no
longer rest again?
He's alwys calling me on
phone asking 4
my advice.. Imagine he
called me 2weeks ago 2
tell me that
his daughter is getting
married.!! If Ur
daughter is getting
married so what.
Then just last week,
Jay-z sent me a
message on whatsapp
asking 4 my autograph
to give to his wife
Beyonce and him
daughter, I dnt
even knw hw he
managed 2 get my
number.... As if dat
wasn't
enough ever since I
gave Bill Gates
money 2 finance his
business, Dangote
has been coming 2 my
house to disturb me,
asking me 2 help him
too.. Anywy I
gave him a
warehouse filled with
money ystrday, I
hope he doesn't come
back 2 bother me
again..
Even Bill Gates' daughter
that I broke up with
has been disturbing,
calling me on
phone, sending me text
msgs.. asking me
2 accpt her
back, I jst dnt knw
what 2 do.!! Now
becos I bought Ronaldo
a new
Lamborghini, Messi
started disturbing me
to buy 4 him which I did
2 days ago...
Most of all, u won't
believe that even
World bank borrowed
money from me
yesterday, I don't even
knw when they'll
pay me back..
. .
Make I go piss 1st... I
must finish this
..



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-31 22:43:47

235 Views



the Godfather [Read it]


A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000. 


His bookkeeper is deaf.
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000. 


His bookkeeper is deaf.


That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would never have to testify in court. 


When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.


The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!"


The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "Where's the money?"


Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."


The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."


The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"


The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."


Guido trembles and signs, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."


The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"


The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger!
That was the reason hA Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000. 


His bookkeeper is deaf.


That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would never have to testify in court. 


When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.


The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!"


The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "Where's the money?"


Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."


The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."


The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"


The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."


Guido trembles and signs, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."


The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"


The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger!e got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would never have to testify in court. 


When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.


The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!"


The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "Where's the money?"


Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."


The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."


The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"


The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."


Guido trembles and signs, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."


The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"


The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-21 18:54:24

262 Views



six time [Read it]


Some girls tho
.
just because I had sex with her six times ordinary six times oo
she now thinks am dating her
.
I just dey look her first



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-11-25 08:25:48

709 Views



FATHER AKPOS [Read it]


Father Akpos gets a message from the
bishop that he will come and visit the
parish. Father Akpos panics because he
is living a life of luxury in a parish that
has practically no one attending church. Father Akpos goes to his maid and tells
her they will have to get all the
furniture out of the rectory. So, they
arrange with a farmer to store all the
furniture in his farm house. When the
bishop arrives, Father Akpos shows him around starting from the sitting room. BISHOP: Why are there no sofas? FATHER AKPOS: Jesus didn’t have a sofa
to sit, so I don’t need one either. This answer satisfies the bishop and
they go on to the dining room. BISHOP: Why is there no table? FATHER AKPOS: Jesus didn’t have a table
so I don’t need one either. BISHOP: But where do you eat then? FATHER AKPOS: Well, my maid sits on
her hands and knees and I eat off her
back, when I’m finished we swap roles
and she eats of my back. We despise
luxury here. Again this answer satisfies the bishop
and they move on to the bedroom. BISHOP: This is, again, a room that has
no furniture in it. But, how do you sleep
then? FATHER AKPOS: We just flip over the
table i.e. the maid.
#BOLLY_SMART™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-12 10:25:25

541 Views




Recently Akpos & his girlfriend were out on a date at the prestigious restaurant.
After eating and chatting for a while, his Sweetheart politely excused herself to use the convenience leaving her smart phone on the table which Akpos bought for her. Akpos sharply picked it up and started scrolling through her contacts.
He started smiling when he saw funny names saved in the contact list like; – Emeka Stingy, – Rafael Blacky, – Ogaga – Long teeth, – Friday big ear.
Akpos was just having fun laughing at all the names he saw and decided to check out what his own number had been saved as. He checked and was shocked to see – AKPOS MOUTH ODOUR just then, she returned to take her seat and the fight started. After quarreling and fighting for a bit, they decided to make up. Then, Akpos said: Akpors :My Sweetheart My Love, I wanna sing a love song for you.
Sweetheart : OOh really? Ok then, go ahead Akpors started singing and singing like Tuface. When his Sweetheart couldn’t hold it anymore, she started shedding tears.
Akpors : My Sweetheart My Love, is it my love song that brings these tears of love to your lovely eyes? Wow, I never knew you loved me this much.
Sweetheart : sobbs…. no, Akpos. Its the mouth odour that is oozing out of your mouth.and then the fight started.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-30 17:10:30

6068 Views




what do u have to say









NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-31 19:23:06

357 Views




Akpos was traveling with a commercial bus. He was busy reading news paper when suddenly a man at his back gave him a big knock on his head. "What`s that for?" Asked Akpos. "Sorry, just trying to kill a mosquito that was biting you" replied the man. Akpos kept quite. Few minutes later the man gave him another bigger knock. "Ooooo What`s that again?" Asked Akpos angrily. "Another big mosquito" replied the man. Akpos also kept quite. An hour later, the driver stopped them along the road to pee. While the man was by the side of road urinating, Akpos walked silently to his back and hit him twice on his bottom and shouted "cockroach! Cockroach! ". The man out of fear quickly removed his trouser.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-28 22:38:36

36250 Views



Funny advice [Read it]


PRESENTER: What's your contribution? CALLER: There is this lady I wanted in my life shortly after my national service, but all my efforts proved abortive, she
wouldn't pick my calls, she would laugh at me while passing by, for
reasons best known to her! Five months later, I was able to get my apartment, get a new car, courtesy of a contract job I secured with a major oil company.
Now, most of the missed calls I have are hers, barrage of SMS and all that. I am confused on what to do. Please help me out.
PRESENTER: Listen up! You pick up your phone now; give her a call, letting her know you'll be at her house in 2 hours. You take a cool shower; wear a nice outfit and an
attention- catching perfume.When it s exactly 2 hours, you call her and tell her that you'll be there in another 2 hours. When the 2 hours are now over,
Drive down to her house, get down from d car, walk to her house, knock on her door. Once she opens the door, with the sexiest smile you have got,stylishly look into her eyes, draw her slowly to yourself, take your mouth close to her ear and shout
'THUNDER FIRE YOU'


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-14 09:57:39

386 Views




Sarena: Hi! How are you?


Romalda: Fine. But I think I have a sore throat.


Sarena: I know what to do. Every time when I have a sore throat I’m having an oral sex with my husband and it helps me!


Romalda: The great idea, I will try…


>>On the second day:
——————–

Sarena: Well, how do you feel? Did it help?


Romalda: Yes, thank you very much, my throat is all right. But your husband couldn’t believe that it was your idea!Related

An armed robber came to ur house,robbed u nd then gave u a gun to shoot and kill ur wife. Suddenly uWent on urknees pleading u cant bcos ulove her wholeheartedly. Then the angry robber collected the gun and gave itto ur wife quickly she collected the gun,pointed at u and pulled the trigger unfortunetly there was no bullet the robber collected the gun laughed and left . Friends be honest after this encounter what will u do if this woman happen to be ur wife?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-06 01:51:20

785 Views




Akpos:happy birthday babe
babe:thanks darling what did you get for me?
Akpos:can you see that pink car over there
babeh my God.Ofcourse yes, i can see it.
Akpos:Well,i bought you a toothbrush of the same colour


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-13 21:12:37

1037 Views




EPISODE 12

Thirty minutes later they were inside an
enclosed
room.
Mma now wearing a blue hospital gown lay
with
legs apart on the elevated bed.
Dr Hope held an ugly-looking piece of
equipment.
The sonogram obtained some minutes ago
had
confirmed the procedure was safe for Mma.
Dr
Hope has taken her time to explain to them,
though they never seem to get all the terms
right;
viability, uterine wall, first and second
trimester,
local anaethestic, ectopic and non-ectopic
pregnancy and manual vacuum aspiration.
Cynthia stood near the door watching.
There was
something indecisive about her eyes,
something
that expressed her discomfort with the
scene.
Perhaps it was the metal equipment in Dr
Hope’s
hand.
She finally told Dr Hope to stop just before
she
could plug in the device into Mma.
‘Can you give us a minute, Doc?’
Dr Hope tilted her head. She finally nodded
and
pulled off her gloves. She hung her coat
and left
the room.
Cynthia walked close to the bed, staring
down at
Mma.
Mma stared blankly ahead, hands crossed
on belly.
‘Are you okay?’ she asked.
Mma pretended not to hear her. It was like
one
roasting a bush rat and still asking if it
was ok.
‘Do you really want to do this?’
Mma nodded.
‘You don’t want the baby?’
Mma shook her head.
‘Why?’
She managed to twist her face to look at
Cynthia.
‘Nnanna saying when I coming to Lagos
that he
making decision with you. I agreeing before
coming.’
Cynthia heaved a deep sigh. ‘So you saying
you
doing this because of us?’
‘I the one doing the mistake before.
Nnanna not
forcing me to spreading my legs for him.
He not
forcing me.’
For a period neither of them spoke.
‘I think we all make mistakes. Let me tell
you
something, Mma.’
Mma twisted to her again. She made to sit.
‘Is ok if I sitting up?’
Cynthia nodded.
Mma sat up, back to the wall. ‘Ok. Telling
me.’
‘I once nearly slept with a man old enough
to be
my father at a party.’
Mma shook her head in surprise.
‘Telling me what happened?’
Cynthia smiled drily and nodded her head.
‘The old man intentionally got me
intoxicated and
slyly guided me into his room. My friend,
Vanessa,
called Richard. He came quite on time. I
was
already Unclad on the bed when he arrived…
according to them.’
Mma crossed herself. ‘Chei! Foolishing old
man.
Very foolishing.’
Cynthia smiled again, this time in
amusement.
‘Liking that Ichie Mbanefo in my village,
always
calling small small girls and giving them
biscuit
and sweet and then asking them to rubbing
his fat
stomach.’
Cynthia stared.
‘Trusting me na, one day he calling me
inside his
parlor and giving me biscuit and sweet. I
eating his
biscuit, finishing everything well well. He
saying I
following him inside and he giving me
more. I
saying ok, let’s go! I entering the room with
him.
As he removing his shirt I just using my
hand and
grabbing his odogwu –‘ Mma clenched her
fist in
demonstration.
Cynthia winced.
‘He screaming Jesus, Virgin Mary,
Amadioha but I
not leaving him. I telling him to giving me
the bag
of biscuit and giving me sharp sharp. Bag
of sweet,
he saying carrying sharp sharp.’
Cynthia laughed. ‘Get up let’s go.’
‘Ah ah! We not doing the operation again?’
‘No. And it was never an operation.’
‘You blaming me? I wearing this long cloth
and the
doctor woman wearing hand socks. When
Papa
doing operation, he wearing the same
thing.’
‘Your father had operation once?’
‘Yes. He later dying, they saying the doctor
not
stitching it well.’
‘I’m so sorry about that.’
‘Is ok. I has longing well well.’
Doctors don’t show emotions easily but
when they
told Dr Hope that they have cancelled, both
her
surprise and confusion showed fully on her
face.
As they drove home, Mma wanted to tell
Cynthia
about last night when she’d caught Stella
eavesdropping on them but she hesitated.
One thing is sure, she now felt safe with
Madam
and it gladdened her.
Their journey back wasn’t as dull. Often
and on,
Mma pointed and asked what that was.
Cynthia
would explain and she would say something
that
would make her laugh.
Back at home, inside the kitchen, Stella
poured
half glass of vodka inside a kettle. She
unwrapped
the cannabis she’d bought earlier into the
same
kettle.
When it boiled, she poured the ‘cannabis
brandy’
into a mixture of four juice flavors. She
added ice
cubes and stirred to mix.
(PLEASE DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME)
Richard turned his eyes at her when he
drank from
the mixture.
‘What’s this?’
‘Cocktail, sir.’
‘You should just have gotten me a glass of
juice
instead, don’t think I need alcohol now.’
‘It’s normal, sir. I added just a shot of
vodka with
plenty of mixers.’
Richard took another sip of the drink. It
had the
hard and soft, sweet and sour, taste of
cocktails.
He dropped the glass beside him and
picked up his
paper.
An hour later the glass was empty and he
was
sprawled on the couch, snoring loudly.
Stella came out, now in her loose night
gown. She
bent and guided Richard up and slowly into
the
room.

TBC.


>>

My little brother was outside our daddy's house eating chocolate bars.

A man was standing near him.

He
ate six, as he was about to eat the seventh bar, the man said, Do you
know that chocolate will spoil your teeth and make you fat?

My little brother said, My grandfather lived 110 years.

Was he eating as much chocolates as you are now? The man asked.

My little brother replied, No, he was minding his business.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-17 07:16:30

272 Views




I’m a terrible lover. I’ve actually given a woman an anti-climax.

~ Scott RoebenRelated

Akpos: Boobs [Read it]


After having sex, Akpos and his girlfriend were chatting in his room when she suddenly asked him a question:
Girlfriend: Sweety, you claim to read Novels a lot right?
Akpos: Yes dear. Is there a problem with that?
Girlfriend: Not at all, I just want you to describe my boobs with the name of a novel.
After some seconds, Akpos laughed and blurted out, ‘Things Fall Apart’.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-14 15:45:15

578 Views



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