Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:

Buisness men [Read it]


During the economic crisis in Nigeria, two local businessmen chat:


1ST BUSINESSMAN: Do you pay for your employees?


2ND BUSINESSMAN: Nope, haven't paid them for months.


1ST BUSINESSMAN: But they still come to work, don't they?


2ND BUSINESSMAN: Yes, they do.


1ST BUSINESSMAN: Mine come too. We should try charging them for coming.


After a month they meet again:


2ND BUSINESSMAN: So, did anything change after you charged your employees for coming to work? Are they still coming?


1ST BUSINESSMAN: Yes, but these assholes are trying to save money!!


2ND BUSINESSMAN:


1ST BUSINESSMAN: They come on Monday and leave on Friday only!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-25 20:08:59

253 Views




Monaco has the biggest per capita ownership of Rolls Royce cars in the world.Related

When i was in school,primary level,we had a clown for a teacher.Ofcourse he came to class tipsy,and could talk less and give us exercise.In the class there was the dummiest head Pinto,and the superb brain Melvin.Pinto is the type who could be asked a question by the teacher,'Pinto construct two sentences using the word spider'.Pinto will reply'Yes teacher,spider man and spider web.'All of us clapped except the teacher and Melvin.Then the teacher would point to Melvin,help him.Melvin:The old man was bewildered to a nap after exuding hullabaloo emanating from the spiders' poignant bite.'
We were reminded by the teacher to clap,ofcourse we floated.
Now something disgusting was happening to our teacher.After he groomed perfect with a new shirt,black shoes and a relaxed trowser,i didnt know how he used to forget,but he used to tuckin his shirt inside his underwear.This went on everyday,and one disgusting thing we used to experience,is how the underpant was always a black COWBOY brand.When he turned back to chalk board,we could check well well,murmur some words and laugh hysterically.He could look back and we could give him that plastic seriousnes,but Pinto would talk at low voice 'I beg turn your head and bend show us the normal COWBOY'.So this thing disgusted us but we didnt know how to tell our harsh,no jokes,ever tipsy teacher.But one day Pinto finished this embarassment.
The teacher was teaching about conjuctions.That day he changed underpant and wore one written ARSENAL,we didnt know whether he was a fan or his bedroom bully bought it for him during his birthday.
So as usual he pointed to Pinto,that moron brain,into!construct a sentence using the conjuction...no sooner.
PINTOseeming serious and composed)No sooner did the cowboy die,than the owner started to support Arsenal.
The teacher,quite bright man thought about this,he didnt know how he looked at his back swiftly inside class,just to see mr ARSENAL hunging outside.
The class went into frenzy and everyone was clapping and laughing.
Teacherlooking embarassed but calming it with a fake smile,now moving
outside)..Melvin take the class am coming,Pinto good trial,please follow me..


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-15 22:40:17

371 Views



Guy n His Babe [Read it]


Girlfriend:" Hey
Boyfriend:" Who's Hey..??, don't
ever call me back.
Girlfriend:" Sorry! My Love, how
are you doing.. ??
Boyfriend:" I'm Fine! And
You.. ??
Girlfriend:" I'm fine, but I need
something from you..
Boyfriend:" What ??
Girlfriend:" Sweetie please
could
you SEND me 15k ??
Boyfriend:" 15k for what..??
Girlfriend:" 5k for my clothes,
7k
for my hair nails and 3k for my
shoes..
Boyfriend:" Awww sure my
love,here..
k,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k .
count it, its complete and take
this extra 2k.
k,
k
that's for your perfume
I welcome u all to the month of September


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-09-09 23:46:51

245 Views




Man admiring his naked body in the mirror says 2 wife: ‘Look 75 kg of pure Dynamite!’Wife replies: ‘But shame on the 5 inch fuse not capable of exploding!! =))Related

*****THE LIFE OF A PROSTITUTE******
*******EPISOFE 1****
My people everything inside this
story is fictional,none of them are real,
Its just a story I wish to write most
especially for the girls,mind the type
of friends you keep,and don't be
swayed away easily with money,GodBless you all as you follow me....


My name is Adedara Oyindamola,
but my friends call me the English
translation of my name which is
HONEY,I am a native of oshodi in
lagos state,a seventeen years
old girl
I am the only daughter
of my parent,as a rich family we live
in a big mansion inside Lekki phase
1 lagos state,I attended one of the
best secondary schools in lagos,
Which is chrisland college along
ladipo oluwole avenue ikeja,lagos
I was in SS2 when my father's
Issue came up,my father lost
His life during a business issue
between him and his patners,
my father's death was a great
blow on my life,it turns my life
Into a complete rubbish...
My mother was a
flashy type
who could do anything
to get money
even when my dad
was still alive,she
loves the worldly things
a lot...I have
to leave my expensive
school to another
Government empower
school,I mean the
ones they called public
schools after things
change for our family,my
Dad's account was
emptied when we checked
it after his death,
I don't really know what
really happens,but
I heard it was hacked,which
brings more tragedy
to our family...
we were forced to sell our big
mansion inside
Lekki and all the properties
Inside it for a sum
of #10million naira,
meanwhile my school fees is 1million per
term,I finished my
SS2 in my former school,
We spend about
2.5million naira for
the remaining term
I spent there before my mum
Change me from there...
after we rented a small
apartment in oshodi my
hometown,my Dad's family members already took their own share
of my dad's property,my
dad's biggest mistake
was that he never write
his will before his
demise..all my dad's
car was taken by his
his nonsense family
members together with
a sum of 2.5milion naira...they really treat us
bad...
After we have settled in our new
apartment plus the school fees I paid
to my expensive school and the ones
my dad's family
collected,we are left
with about 3.5milion naira...
I started another
life after my dad's
demise,but I think
my mum's life never
change then,she was
still just like before,
she loves attending
night parties,even
when my dad was
alive she do attend not
to talk of now that
she is single,she is
still flashy like before,
she loves to buy
the new designers in town..in her mind
those times,she
thought we are still
rich with just less than
3.5 milion naira
in her bank account,my
mum was jobless
when my dad was life and
she is still
even jobless after his
departure from the
world..
This really affect me
a lot.I finished
my secondary school
education at the age
of 17,with one year
at home,I was 18 years
when I wrote jamb,my
waec result was okay
When I write it,I was
planning to get into
school after that,I had
230 when I wrote my
Jamb...after all the
expenses(my mothers
Expenses though na rubbish full all her
expenses,plus all
my SS3 fees with my WAEC
+NECO fees and other expenses) we are left
with just 800thousand,and I
never enter higher
Institution
during this period...
***********************
TO BE CONTINUED.....
;o


Obstacles do not block the path. They are the path.

Good Morning!Related

Different Types Of Banks (girls) In Nigeria?
1. A girl who asks for money all the time is
called "Commercial Bank".?
2. A girl who calls you for food always is called "Agricultural Development Bank".??
3. A girl that uses your money to take care of other family
members is called "National Investment Bank".?
4. A girl who prefers to have sex after marriage is "Social Security Bank".?
5. A girl who is very faithful to you is "Fidelity Bank".?
6. A girl who loves every available man is "Access Bank".?
7. A girl who dates men from different countries is "Intercontinental bank".??
8. A girl who doesn't demand too much money is called "Micro Finance Bank".?
9. Dating a woman older than u is called "Wema Bank".?
10. A girl who is always faithful and trustworthy to her guy is called "Guaranty Trust Bank".??
11. A girl whose guy disvirgined her is called, "Firstbank".?
12. A girl who uses all ur money to buy jewelries is called "Diamond bank".?

Ladies which "Bank" Are You?
Guys Which "Bank" is ur Girlfriend...
Pls be honest....??



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-04-18 22:16:11

157 Views




A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked,
"Honey, if I died would you get married again?"
The husband said, "No sweetie."
The woman said, "I'm sure you would."
So the man said, "Okay, I would"
Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?"
And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so."
Then the wife asked, "Would you let her drive my car?"
And the husband replied, "No, she's too tall and that your car will be too tight for her"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-07-30 18:11:15

464 Views




A doctor says to his patient, ‘I have bad news
and worse news’.
‘Oh dear, what’s the bad news?’ asks the patient.
The doctor replies, ‘You only have 24 hours to
live’.
‘That’s terrible’, said the patient. ‘How can the news possibly be worse?’
The doctor replies, ‘I’ve been trying to contact
you since yesterday’.#AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-22 09:53:02

546 Views




Hum Lakh Achhe Sahi Log Kharab Kahte Hai;

Bigda Hua Wo Hamko Nawab Kahte Hai;

Hum To Aise Badnam Ho Gaye Hai Ki;

Paani Bhi Piye To Log Sharab Kehte Hain!Related

Safe cracker [Read it]


The local bank near a large prison had a problem opening their safe one day. Seems that the mechanisms working the combination failed, so they called the prison to seek help.
The prison had a convicted safe cracker in custody. They released him under guard and took him to the bank to see if he could open their safe.
The convict worked on the lock for quite a while but finally he was able to open the safe.
The bank president was delighted to see his safe opened without having to have it ruined in the process, he turned to the safe cracker and said, “Thanks for helping us out here, how much do we owe you?”
The safe cracker replied, “Well the last time I did one of these jobs I got about $100,000!”Related

wat u shud knw [Read it]


Have You Noticed!!!?
# If you suck one nipple well, the
woman
herself offers the other one.
Incase you don't know, that was
the origin of
"buy one get one free"!!!
# Everything on a woman's
upper body starts
with a "B". Blouse, Bra, Bikini,
Boobs & lower
body with a "P" Petticoat, panties,
p#$$y...No
wonder men suffer from high
BP!
# Before sex, you help each other
get naked.
After sex, you dress only yourself.
Moral: In life no one helps you
once you're
screwed!!!
# Success is like pregnancy.
Everybody
congratulates you but nobody
knows how many
times you got screwed to achieve
it!!!!
# 3 people having sex is a
threesome, 2 is a
twosome. So next time someone
calls you
'HANDSOME', don't take it as a
compliment!
# Life is like a d*%k, sometimes
it becomes hard
for no reason.
# Practical thought: A husband is
supposed to
make his wife's panties wet, not
her eyes. A wife
is supposed to make her
husband's d*%k hard,
not his life..!
# When a lady is pregnant, all her
friends touch
her stomach and say "Congrats!".
But none of them comes and
touch the man's
P#n*s and say "Well done!!!!!"
Moral: Hard work is never
appreciated: Only
result matters..



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-28 06:45:10

564 Views




If you are talking behind my back, you are in a good position to kiss my a$$.Related

MARA episode 16 [Read it]


The doctor shook her head and I let out a heart-rending scream
“Jesu ooo!! Ina omo ti jo mi oooooooo” I screamed so sadly.
Taiwo sat on the ground close to her twin and tugged at her, tears strolling down her face.
“Oh Jesus! Oh Jesus!! Oh my Jesus!!!” the doctor exclaimed too.
“He has failed me again. He has failed me again. Your Lord has failed me again.” I cried the more as my head started thumping.
I sat close to the corpse and carried the heavy lifeless body in my arms.
I started rocking it as tears ran down my face.
The doctor held her head in regret as she shook her hand intermittently.
Immediately a crowd started forming in front of the house, I dropped the corpse gently and rushed into my room, locked the door and fell on the bed- on my tummy.
The great pain I felt made me to flinch as I cried out the more!
I felt that instead of my problems being solved after the so called reason for the bitterness kind of life had been discovered, it was becoming bitterer!
Wouldn’t it just be safe to commit suicide?
————–
Oh my God!
Oh my good God!
This was just not my plan at all!
It just felt as if the Lord had failed me.
As I drove back from the market where I had gone to after dropping the corpse in the mortuary, my mind just welled up in me as if it wanted to pop out.
“God why? Why?” I asked as tears ran down my face.
I had trained myself never to question God’s act but in this case, this was someone I was trying to win for the Lord!
Why should this happen to her Lord?
Why?
Tears strolled down my face and as I wiped with my bare hands, the smell of the fish I had bought wafted to my nostrils and I became irritated.
The woman had locked herself in the room for hours.
“Lord, why are you quiet?” I cried out loud again as I parked my car in front of the small building which was their residence.
“God, please teach me and use me for the short period of time I would be spending in this place” I prayed silently.
I wouldn’t let what happened affect my faith in Christ even though it had been shaken vehemently!
——-
It had been four days that I had been in the house teaching the kids and consoling them.
Glory Olowo had been inside the room without coming out of it for that long.
Only her tears and sobs reassured me that she was alive.
Her husband had not shown up even though he had been sent for.
I just wanted God to prove himself strong in this family
He had never failed me before and He wouldn’t start now.
I had stocked the kitchen with different stuffs and the children had been feeding well after being consoled a bit after their sister’s death.
“Let’s try knocking the door again if she would open” I told Taiwo and she nodded uncertainty etched on her face.
We knocked on her door and after some wet sniffs and a low cough, there was a movement
“I am fine here” she said…her voice hushed
“Yes you are fine but I want to see your face. Open the door and eat something no matter how little” I pressed on
“Why? I don’t need to eat o…do I know the next person to be taken off my family now? Do I? NO!” she exclaimed loudly but weakly
“Please don’t be discouraged ma. The battle is toughest when the victory is near. That’s the explanation for this. Please reconsider and glorify God for He is good” I admonished her when she gave a scornful laughter
“You must be a joker! Glorify? Except He proves Himself to be God. Except He doesn’t only takes us to the root of the problem but solves the problem, he then can be considered by me! For now, I really think you go!” she said firmly and I withdrew from the door.
My pastor had travelled to Lagos State for a prayer conference and I had informed the prayer band about the issue at hand.
But the heavens seemed shut against us!
—–
“Daddy” the children echoed together as a moderately tall man stepped down from the bike with about four to five polythene bags.
He smiled at the children as they attempted to collect the polythene bags from him, although he didn’t release them.
He came inside and saw me
“Good evening” he greeted
“Good evening sir. You are welcome.” I said to, genuflecting a little
“I am Mr. Adejare Olowo, the head of this family. And you are?” he asked and I smiled faintly
“My name is Dr. Flora Adegite. The gynecologist in charge of your wife and daughter” I said respectfully
He smiled ruefully
“Kehinde used to be my favorite daughter” he said as he dropped the polythene bags.
“Hmmm” that was the only thing that left my mouth.
“I learnt that she committed abortion” he said and I nodded.
“She did a very dangerous abortion but days later, she used dangerous drugs as she experienced some pains. She also had some internal bleedings before giving up the ghost.” I explained and he shook his head in regret
“Where is the mother?” he asked
“Daddy, she af lock hersef in da door” James said.
The father pulled his ears softly
“She has locked herself inside the room” he corrected him as he proceeded to the bedroom door.
“There are soup ingredients in one of the polythene bags. Water melons and other fruits in the other…bring the other nylon….my wife’s goodies are inside” he said and Taiwo blushed as she took it to him.
That looked real…a real man!
He knocked the door and waited
“Dearie. Its Jare. Open the door” he said sweetly and waited.
But wait!
Wasn’t it this guy that beat his wife to stupor over a month ago?
He had not come home since then, so why this niceness when he was just resurfacing?
What goodies did he buy his wife?
He didn’t even seem to mourn his daughter’s death.
Was there more to this that I can’t just see?
Open my eyes Dear Lord to spiritual insights….
Show me the secrets oh Lord as your word says in Psalms 25 that if I fear you, you would reveal your secrets to me.
Why are you silent Lord?
I felt very troubled within that I glanced occasionally at the door side where he stood.
If she opened the door, then would I be sure that there was a big wahala!
I had knocked that door to no avail for many days.
If she opened to a man who almost kicked the life out of her and life her for many weeks, then, I would be certain that I would be in for a big problem!
“Open the door dear” he said again
It looked like a movie though as I heard the door creaking as it opened.
“How are you?” he asked in a baritone voice
“You are welcome” she said faintly and Jare hugged her.
I blinked hard
My ears went deaf!
What kind of a thing was going on?
Welcoming into your room the man who had almost killed you few weeks ago?
Hugging him?
Chai!
It didn’t seem to make sense to me and I needed to get to the root of the matter!







NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Jude: are you back?
Loveth: yes;do you know what?
Jude: what?
Loveth: i came across one of my best friend
Jude: those girls i saw at your house that day?
Loveth: yes;i am glad you remember. the good thing is that i collected her number and i even invited her to come
Jude: i don't want them in my family party
Loveth: but...
Jude i don't want this conversation any more,just go get my basketball from the guest room because its been long i play that
Loveth: alright(she walked towards the room)how do i tell them my husband doesn't like them. this is bullshit(she pick up the ball but find one of those handkerchief she has written on)this is still here(she picks and read it)you will always been in my heart because you are the only one i love;superman(she smile and pick another)i love you and because i love you;i will sacrifice my happiness for you
Jude: Loveth(he called but she didn't answer)what is this girl doing there?(he walked into the room and found love reading and smiling at those handkerchief)Loveth(she hide them)what is that?
Loveth: uh...um...
Jude: you are not making any sense
Loveth: i just found out that this room is in a mess
Jude: really
Loveth: hmm
Jude: alright;can i have my ball
Loveth: of cause(he hand him the ball)i go ahead
Jude: thanks
Loveth: alright(exit Loveth)
Jude: what is this young woman looking at?(he walked towards where Loveth stood,he find those handkerchief and read them)this is for Loveth;i could remember this is her writing.(he read)superman;if i am asked to define my perfect shoe;i will never have to think twice before i give the definition because you are my true definition of my perfect shoe and because of you i know what it means to be in love and i will never replace you with anyone. rubbish(he throw the handkerchief on floor and walked outside with anger calling Loveth)Loveth
Loveth: what is it Jude?
Jude: are you still in love with him?
Loveth: in love with who?
Jude: don't answer my question with question;just go on and tell me
Loveth: i am no longer in love with him;if you think i am because of those things i wrote then you are mistaking. all those things are written a long time ago and they are in the past
Jude: really?
Loveth: of cause;i was just been naive and i barely know anything about love
Jude: i just hope so(he walked away)
Loveth: i really don't understand this husband of mine but i am happy that he doesn't hit me that much anymore(curtain)

Muriel: dear;your dad is inviting us to an indoor party
Joan: really
Muriel: of cause;its this weekend and he want you all to be there
Joan: i am sure it is going to be fun
Muriel: maybe,so son,you have to prepare your family for this
Luke: mom;i don't think we will go
Joan: why?
Luke: cause i just do not have that time
Joan: seriously
Luke: yes;i need to be at the hospital
Joan: you do not go to work on that day.
Luke: i know but....
Muriel: you don't want to go because that slot is there to seduce you
Luke: mom;please
Muriel: am i lying
Luke: mom
Joan: or maybe he is scared of see her again
Luke: fine;you two should have it your way and please stop torturing me for no just reason
Joan: does it mean we are going?
Luke: your wish(exit Luke)
Muriel: just don't mind my son,he is just like that
Joan: i know(curtain)


Vivian: hey girl;you sounded happy on the phone
Darling: of cause i am excited because i saw Loveth
Vivian: which Loveth?
Darling: how many Loveth do you know?
Vivian: oh!my SHE;is she happy to see you?is she okay?
Darling: of cause;she is more beautiful and mature too
Vivian: i wish i could see her
Darling: of cause you will because she invited us to an in house party and she gave me her address and her number too
Vivian: oh!that is why i love that girl because no matter how wealth her family is;she is always down to earth
Darling: of cause and that is why we are still friends
Vivian: i missed her big time
Darling: me too
Vivian: come on;let me get a shirt for my husband
Darling: alright(curtain)

Lucas: what are you doing?(looking at their marriage portrait)
Liz: i was just wondering how come we are able to survive this(enter Jude)
Lucas: why?
Liz: back then there were so many people against our love life
Lucas: they felt we are doing the wrong thing
Liz: but that is the truth;you were married then
Lucas: there are some things that were made to happen and people find it odds but the true is when you are in love you just do stupid things in order for you to keep your relationship and make it work
Liz: of cause and there is nothing sweeter than your one first true love and that one first true love is your perfect shoe
Lucas: of cause(tears roll JUDE eyes)i will never trade anything for my first love(they both hug)i will always love you(curtain)


Loveth: baby;the laundry man is not around
Jude: what will i wear to the party?
Loveth: i can do the laundry for you Jude: alright;go to my wardrobe and get it
Loveth: okay(she get the dress to iron it)let me do this fast
Maid: ma;
Loveth: yes
Maid: madam is calling you
Loveth: alright(she drop the iron on top the dress and walked away)mom;you called
Liz: go get me some wine from the bar
Loveth: alright(Jude walked into where Loveth was ironing his cloths and find out that his wear at been burn by the iron)
Jude: Loveth(he screamed and Loveth ran in)
Loveth: you called(he show her the burned trouser)oh my God;i...(before she could finished he slapped her)i am so sorry
Jude: will your stupid sorry fit it?(she kept quiet)go on and answer me
Loveth: no
Jude: you are so stupid(he pushed her to the floor)i try to keep my temper in check but you kept pushing it(he punch her on the floor)
Loveth: i said i am sorry;everyone made a mistake at one point in time
Jude: really?(she nod to it)alright;meaning i too can make a mistake(he pull her from the floor and press her at the ironing table and used the iron on her and she screamed)sorry,its a mistake(enter Lucas)
Loveth: you are mean(she sit and cry out her eyes on the floor)you are a monster
Jude: i just said it is a mistake and like you said everyone make a mistake at one point in time. so this is one of my mistakes
Lucas: what is going on here?
JUDE: excuse me(exit Jude)
Lucas: my daughter;are you alright(she show him the burned)oh my God(he screamed)my son did this to you
Loveth: yes but it is all my fault
Lucas: even if you did something wrong this is inhuman and i have to talk to him
Loveth: please don't
Lucas: alright;go to the hospital
Loveth: i don't want to(she wipe her tears)i can manage don't worry
Lucas: are you sure(enter Liz)
Loveth: of cause dad
Liz: Loveth go get the chocolate from the chocolate shop
Loveth: alright ma
Lucas: she cant go because your son....
Loveth: don't worry dad;i can go get it
Lucas: what?
Loveth: its fine by me(she walked away)
Liz: dear;i go do some other stuff;you know its not easy to hold a party
Lucas: of cause(she walked away)i just don't understand this girl(curtain)

Loveth: Jude
Jude: what?
Loveth: i was wondering where did all this hatred come from
Jude: what kind of a stupid question is that?
Loveth: i thought you love me
Jude: even if i love you,do you love me(she open her mouth to speak)don't say anything because i know your perfect shoe and i am not the one and get dress instead of crying your eyes out and join the others(he walked away)
Loveth: you have to look great so mom and dad doesn't find out because i cant bear to see them find out the truth(she get dress to join the others)
Lucas: welcome
Joan: thank you sir
Lucas: thank you Muriel
Muriel: is nothing;i am doing it for my son and not you
Lucas: i still want to say thank you
Muriel: no problem
Lucas: my baby;how are you?
Ruth: fine grandpa(she hugged him)
Lucas: where is your dad?
Joan: he is coming(enter Luke)here he comes
Luke: good day sir
Lucas: i am glad you made it son(enter Loveth/Jude)come on son(to Jude)your brother is here
Jude: welcome;kid brother,my wife and i;we are really grateful for honouring our invitation(he held her at the place he burned her with the iron and she screamed a little)honey come on lets join the others(Luke look at her and see pains in her eyes)we will go ahead,enjoy yourself
Luke: thank you(exit Loveth/Jude)
Lucas: welcome son
Luke: just call me Luke
Lucas: your mom named you after me?
Luke: that is not important just call me that
Lucas: thank you,lets join the others(enter Darling and Vivian)
Vivian: this is huge
Darling: its like an empire
Vivian: of cause;God has really blessed this girl
Darling: you right,i am sure she will be happy living in this kind of house
Loveth: Vivian(she hugged her)i missed you
Darling: we missed you too
Loveth: come on let me introduce you to my husband(she turned and hit Luke who was walking to get a glass for his dad)i am sorry
Luke: Loveth
Loveth: superman
Darling: what a small world?so you are the boy that turn Loveth head upside down
Vivian: our friend is crazy in love with you
Loveth: Vivian
Darling: yes;right from the very first day she kissed you
Luke: what?
Vivian: yes;nice meeting you,i am Vivian her best friend
Darling: me;i am darling and you are....(curtain)



something to think about will she find out his name today or not
SEE More...



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True story [Read it]


I was raped at the age of nine - Oprah Winfrey.


I was in prison for 27 years - Nelson Mandela.


I didn't even complete my University education- Bill Gates.


I used to serve tea at a shop to support my football training - Lionel Messi.


I grew up in the largest slum in Africa - Octopizzo.


I struggled for 15 years to make it in comedy - Churchill.


I was a house-help before I started music - Gloria Muliro.


I was a school drop out - Mark Zuckerberg.
 
I was the president of comedy before I became a beggar- Akpos


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-18 16:24:41

321 Views




Another Moon?… Possible

Another Sun?… Possible

Another Sky?… Possible

Another person Like U?… Impossible

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‘Coz God can’t make the same Mistake twice.Related

A name for them [Read it]


Which tribe are they from....?







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-03-26 12:14:50

318 Views




Beauty: why don't you call Alfred to asked if he had seen her
Desmond: you are right;let me call Alfred(he dialed Alfred's number)hello;
Alfred: my personal person;i though i did something bad to you;that is why you didn't call me
Desmond: if i did not called you wouldn't had called me;you are bad. how are you and everyone
Alfred: i am fine and how are you
Desmond: am always fine
Alfred: Desmond my friend;my guy the one that is always fine even with all the world problem
Desmond: so you want to start mocking me?
Alfred: why should i?when am your friend
Desmond: anyway;have you heard from Stephie?
Alfred: she travelled and her number is not going through
Desmond: what happen to her?
Alfred: i don't know but there is bad news
Desmond: what kind of bad news
Alfred: assassin went to Anita's house to look for Stephanie but they didn't see her
Desmond: what do you mean by that?
Alfred: according to them;they didn't collected anything even their phones
Desmond: what?thank God;she is not in. that house is no longer safe from them
Alfred: they are at our house now
Desmond: alright;take care;i will be coming by on monday. bye
Alfred: bye(he end the call)
Beauty: what did he say?
Desmond: he said, 'Stephie travelled and he haven't heard from her'
Beauty: don't worry;she will be fine(she touch his shoulder)
Desmond: and you;how are you?
Beauty: Am fine;are you not going to take care of your hand?
Desmond: don't worry;it would get dried. will you not sit
Beauty: where should i sit?when you have occupy the chair
Desmond: am i that fat(both laughed)can't you sit on my lap
Rose: she should sit on your lap;so that you will turn her to your girlfriend
Desmond: mom;what do you take me for?a dog
Rose: i don't care if you are a dog and you;young lady is it my son that you want have an affair with?you gold digger. is never going to work
Desmond: mother stop
Beauty: i am sorry ma
Rose: sorry for yourself;now get out from my side (exit Beauty)
Jackson: what is going on again woman?can't i have rest in my house
Rose: asked your worthless son
Desmond: mom;i am tired of always trying to prove to you,i am not worthless;i am tired of you calling me;names. i regret the day i was called your son(she slapped him)
Rose: so that useless boy had taught you;how to talk back at me?
Desmond: i am sorry mom;i am really sorry
Rose: i don't want to see you with that girl again

Desmond: mom
Jackson: don't you think that is too strict?
Rose: i don't care
Desmond: but
Rose: i said stay away from her;no but
Desmond: alright then;i will be leaving by tomorrow
Jackson: why so soon?is it because of the issue with your mom and Georgina
Desmond: dad;please,i don't want to talk about it. am leaving because i have test on monday morning
Jackson: alright then;if you need anything;just tell me
Desmond: i will dad;i love you
Jackson: i love you too son(four hours later)
Desmond: Beauty;what is wrong?are you avoiding me
Beauty: no;i am not
Desmond: why is it that immediately;you saw me;you turn to leave. why is that i am calling you;you don't want to pick my call
Beauty: is not that;i didn't see it
Desmond: is it that you are comfortable telling lies to me
Beauty: is just that i am scared and i don't want to get into trouble because of someone that as no.....
Desmond: no feelings towards you
Beauty: is not what i wanted to say...
Desmond: anyway;i am sorry for what happen;excuse me(he return to school)why are you all staring at me?and you;Tosan why are you looking at me?
Tosan: nothing;i thought Alfred said you are coming on Monday?
Desmond: can't i change my mind and come back to my house(he walked towards the bar)
Anita: Desmond;what do you want to do?
Desmond: i want to take some wine to merry my heart(they all laughed;he open a bottle and empty it)or is it a crime
Alfred: don't start that stupid act of yours today
Desmond: don't be afraid;that i am going to embarrass you in front of your girlfriend. i don't really have anyone that i am ashamed of(enter Tina/Tunde)welcome my brother
Tunde: when did he come back and why is he in that mood again
Tosan: he just arrived and that is the first thing;he is doing
Tina: i don't know;this Desmond's case is getting out of hand
Desmond: you are crazy;is your loud mouth that is getting out of hand(he walked towards her)don't you ever in your in life talk to me
Tunde: was wrong with you?will you stop insulting my girl
Desmond: i should stop insulting this slot of a girlfriend(Tunde slapped him)did you slap me?she is a bitch and a two timer bitch. that is what she is(Tunde slapped him again)
Alfred: will you stop it Tunde

Tunde: why don't you tell him to stop?is it because i am staying with him?if she was your girlfriend would you have taken likely
Alfred: i didn't say what he did was right. you wouldn't have slapped him;he is your brother and you know he is drunk
Desmond: leave him;let him fight me because of a worthless girl(he open other bottle and turn the wine into a glass)allow him to do his worse. that girl is of no good to you brother
Tunde: you can hear the words coming out of his mouth
Anita: don't worry;you know he is drunk (enter Stephanie)see who we have here
Stephanie: me of cause but what are you all doing here
Anita: you don't know a lot had happen this few days yo left and why is your number not going through
Stephanie: i lost my phone on my way
Ann: where is everyone in this house(she walked towards Desmond)Stephanie;do you missed me?
Stephanie: i do that is why i came today
Desmond: you all should hold that stupid girl and tell her to leave my house
Stephanie: Desmond(he turn and see her)are you drunk(he stand up towards Stephanie)
Desmond: am not drunk;when did you come back?
Stephanie: you are stupid to tell me that(she slapped him)
Tosin: Stephanie;was wrong with you? don't you know he is drunk?what if he hit you
Stephanie: i don't care(to Tosin)you such a disappointment;nothing to talk about. i hate you(she turn to leave)
Desmond: please;don't leave me;i am sorry(he pull her closer)
Stephanie: will you let go of me(she pull his hand from hers)i don't want to ever see you again
Desmond: please;i am sorry(he fall to the ground and slept off)
Alfred: Stephanie;please don't leave
Stephanie: but i can't stay with someone that is not ready to fight for himself
Anita: you don't like that
Tina: i don't even know what you see in a worthless boy like him
Tosan: will you shut up;you live under his roof and you are still calling him worthless
Stephanie: what happen to our house?
Tosan: arm robber attack us
Stephanie: is that why we can't go home
Anita: is just for now. don't worry i will give you full details later
Stephanie: alright then;i just hope Desmond do not become a drunk
Anita: i hope so to(curtain)

(at the dining)
Tina: you know what Tunde?when your drunk of a brother wake up;tell him not to insult me again.
Tunde: don't worry;i will tell him
Ann: will you for once stop making this an issue
Tina: you were not there when he insulted me in front of everyone and you were not the one he insulted

Alfred: is alright;let everyone eat up(enter Desmond)welcome back brother
Desmond: you all ate without me
Ayo: is not like we wanted to eat without you
Desmond: i understand (after the meal still at the dining)i am sorry for getting drunk
Alfred: you also have to apologies for insulting Tunde's girlfriend in front of Tunde
Desmond: i am sorry Tina;my wife;i am sorry brother for insulting Tina in front of you
Tunde: i have forgiven you and i am sorry;i did slap you
Desmond: now come and take yours(they all laughed)Stephanie;when did you arrived?i tired calling you;it wasn't going through
Stephanie: good night all
Ayo: where are you spending the night?
Stephanie: don't worry;i will spend the night at ma Brown's room
Ayo: is that what you want
Stephanie: yes or do you want me to take Anita's place(laughed all and she turn to leave) good night all
Desmond: am i not talking to you(he pull her back)
Stephanie: was your problem?
Desmond: why are you avoiding me?
Stephanie: am avoiding you because you are a drunk
Desmond: what did you just called me?
Stephanie: a drunk;is that not what you are?
Desmond: me a drunk
Stephanie: yes(he slapped her)Jesusesmond;you slapped me(tears flow from her eyes and run away)
Desmond: i am sorry
Alfred: what is going on with you?
Desmond: i don't know;maybe i am such a fool
Ayo: whatever is eating you up;you have to take it easy on yourself
Ann: he is right
Desmond: i am sorry all;please excuse me. i need to think through my problem(curtain)
Brown: young lady stop crying;you are hurting yourself
Stephanie: i am not crying
Brown: but there is tears in your eyes(she wipe the tears off her face) go to bed
Stephanie: i know what i did was wrong but i wasn't expecting him to slap me
Brown: i was surprise he did that to you and i have not really see him in that mood
Stephanie: am scared
Brown: you don't have to;he is a good boy
Stephanie: i just wish i could go home
Brown: don't worry;you will soon go home. not now;just go to bed
Stephanie: thank you;good night ma
Brown: good night (the next morning)
Ann: good morning all
Tina: morning girlfriend
Stephanie: where is Anita?
Ann: she has already got to school
Stephanie: alright then
Tunde: why didn't you come down earlier?so that we can have breakfast together
Stephanie: is just that i slept so late and i didn't realise that it was this late;when i wake up
Tunde: so why do you slept late and wake up late?
Stephanie: is nothing;is just that i sometimes wake up late when i am stress
Tina: is it when you are stress or when you get hurt by someone;you never thought will hurt you
Ann: will you for once be concern for others
Tina: you know what Stephanie;you are just too fast what were you thinking when you slapped that boy and called him,a drunk. you are way too fast
Tunde: please keep quiet for once(enter Desmond)
Desmond: what are you up to this morning?
Tunde: nothing brother;don't you have classes today
Desmond: no i don't
Stephanie: excuse me
Ann: where are you going
Stephanie: i just want to step outside to take fresh air
Ann: alright then

Stephanie: i will just go ahead(she walked out)
Desmond: i go ahead also
Ann: alright(outside)
Desmond: why are you standing here?
Stephanie: i am sorry;i will just go ahead;i don't know you are here
Desmond: please wait;can we talk

Stephanie: sure;what about
Desmond: i am sorry;you can always forgive me right
Stephanie: you did me wrong;so why asked for forgiveness from me
Desmond: i did you know;can't you see i hurt you when i slap you. so i need to ask your forgiveness
Stephanie: i have heard and i am sorry for slapping you and for calling you a drunk
Desmond: is alright
Stephanie: thanks;i have to go ahead(Desmond's hold Stephanie's hand)will you let go of me

Desmond: i thought you said;you will never get mad at me for long
Stephanie: i know i said that but....(he press his hand on her lips)
Desmond: please;don't say anything(she pushed his hand from her lips)
Stephanie: was wrong with you?what if someone else see both of us
Desmond: we are not doing anything wrong
Stephanie: we don't have to be doing something wrong before people start talking about us and i don't want to get into trouble
Desmond: so does it mean that whenever i talk to you,am exposing you to troubles
Stephanie: is not what i mean
Desmond: what do you mean?(he held her arms)
Stephanie: please;don't hold my arms
Desmond: i am sorry;excuse me. what a waste(curtain)

Desmond: why didn't you tell me that you are coming
Georgina: does it mean that you don't want to see me?
Desmond: that is not what i mean;what i meant is that;you would have called that you are coming. what if you came and met my absence?anyway;how are you?
Georgina: am fine and you(she touched him)
Desmond: am fine(he pull her hand from his body)wouldn't you like to drink anything
Georgina: no;i don't want anything;i just want to be with you(she try to kiss him and he withdrew)
Desmond: what is wrong with you?
Georgina: what is wrong with me?so something is wrong with me because i want to kiss my betroth?don't you like me
Desmond: is not that;is just that i wasn't expecting it
Georgina: have you ever in your entire life expect it from me(she cried)i can see that you don't love me
Desmond: is not that;(he wiped her tears)stop crying it doesn't suit you(he dragged her chin)will give me a smile
Georgina: why don't you make me smile?
Desmond: what will i do to make you smile?
Georgina: then kiss me
Desmond: will you stop this rubbish
Georgina: am now doing rubbish?if it was Stephanie;you wouldn't think twice before acting
Desmond: stop it;lets not talk about Stephanie
Georgina: why?am i making you feel like been with her?

Desmond: was your problem;is it that at every point in your life;you want both of us to always have misunderstanding
Georgina: am not the one fueling this;you just did
Desmond: don't worry;there will come a time when i wouldn't be here
Georgina: what do you mean?
Desmond: i mean nothing but just sit and relax
Georgina: i will always do that
Desmond: please excuse me



SEE MORE....


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Continues..
I stood still while he was walking around the room talking
Brenden:well Preston. You must have heard I had s-x with your girlfriend right?
Prestonh you mean the rape?
Brenden:rape or s-x its still the same process. Well I slept with her twice in hours do you want to know the reason?
Preston: nope.save it for your children
Brenden: oh I do know you want to hear it. Well I slept with her twice in hours and you did once in weeks. Which means I deserve her than you. So you should back off
Prestonh really? I am scared
Me:Brenden stop all these I wont forgive you if anything worse happens
Brenden:don’t worry tonight you are mine a d nothing will stop it(playing with my hair and rubbing my face)
Me:brenden stop it!.
Brenden: don’t worry. We are gonna do it in the presence of your lovely boyfriend
Me:what?
Brenden:yeah you heard me we will do it right here and now.
Presley:don’t you have shame? You have Cassey the hottest girl in campus and you are here fooling yourself for Milly. Okay if you rape her now what next?
Brenden:hmmm Presley watch how you talk. First of all it is not raoe but s-x as far as her boyfriend approves it. And secondly I will impregnate her
Me,preston,Miranda & presley:What!!!!
Brendenlaughing) yeah you heard me and it starts now..
He started forcing me to kiss him. I threw my face from right to left. He left my arms and held my face tight so he could kiss me but I slapped him instead a very hot slap.
Brenden: what did you just do?
MeI just touched your teeth idiot) I’mmm….I’m sorry it was a mistake
Brenden:it was a mistake, does mistake controls your hand?
Me: I’m sorry
Brenden:that’s not enough don’t think I will go easy on you this time
He slapped and I landed on the floor(OMG how many slaps have I received since my stay in Nigeria?I heard it is the sun that darkens the skin but they want to darken mine with slaps). He went down in his knees opening my button
Me:brenden:please stop all these. I am begging you
Brenden:its too late maybe when you are carrying someone else’s child you won’t have to date anyone else
He opened the last button when the door opened and a gunshot was released in the air. All of us turned to see the shooter.
Melissa:get off her right now
Brenden:look at this little foreign girl commanding me and what will you do if I don’t?
Melissa:then watch me make you
Brenden:it will be my pleasure(he told the able bodied men not to interfere in the fight from the start to the end)
Brenden stood up prepared his fists and was ready to fight. Melissa smiled and also prepared. There was so many punches and kicks and dodges and shamefully melissa worn brenden. She fought like a Chinese because she grew up in China though she was an European. She was in charge of training the rest girls and my assistant as well.
Meh thank God you are here melissa.
Before she could raise me up the able bodied men came to fight her. Their strength was greater than hers.
To be continued..


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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The Man who comes
asking for Vagina **
A woman hears
someone knock at the
door.
She opens to see and a
man asks, "Do you
have a vagina??"
She slams the door in
disgust.. The next day
she hears a knock,
opens up and its the
same man. He asks the
same question the
woman
slams the door again.
Her husband Mr Akpos
gets home & she tells
him what happened for
the last two days.
Mr Akpos says to her,
"Honey I'm taking
tomorrow off to be
home just in case he
shows up again."
The next morning they
hear a knock at the
door and Mr Akpos
says, "I'm going to hide
behind the door and
listen. If it is the same
guy, I want you to
answer YES to see
where
he is going with this &
what he wants to do."
The man asks the
same question, "Do you
have a vagina?"
"Yes!" Replies the
woman.
The man replies, "Good!
Would you mind
telling your husband to
leave my wife's own
alone and start using
yours??"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-04 00:04:18

1163 Views




Whatever advice you give, be brief.

~ HoraceRelated

me:so you are this bad dapo.dapo:does my face look cool?(bringing is head closer to mine).me:hey you are getting closer.dapo:really? me:stop(i pushed him away),lets be serious now. dapo:yes ma'am. me:before i forget my mom sent me to you,she told me she and your mom are childhood bestfriend, so she asked me collect your mom's number from you so she can give her suprise call.dapo:wow! that is great,let me give you her number. me: (bringing out pen and jotter). dapo:07065*** .me:thanks.dapo:so you can even thank me.(playfully). me:does everything seems like joke to you? dapo:maybe.me:naughty boy.(beating him playfully,just then my eyes caught with dammy's eye,i just smiled at her,but she is looking really angry and looked away) me: your girlfriend is angry.dapo:who? me:dammy dapolaughing)she can never be my girl! me:really? dapo:yup,it is break time already,let's go and get something to eat,if you dont mind. me:sounding cool? then he started chasing me,but we and dammy bumped into each other.dammy:hey!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Teenage Love [Read it]


TEENAGE LOVE
Episode 2
–continuation–
ONE HOUR FOURTY FIVE MINUTES LATER
The English language paper 2&3
had ended and students trooped
out of the exam hall. Some were
gisting while some walk towards
the main gate.
Segun came out and saw Olanike.
The girl he met in the morning
on the staircase. He walked up to
her.
“Hi”. He greeted.
“Segun?” She asked smilling.
“Yeah, how was ur papers?” he
asked.
“It was fine and yours?” She
replied.
“Same.” he replied.
They both walked towards the
main road.
“What’s your name?” He asked.
“So, you don’t know. My name is
Olanike.”
“Nice name.” He complimented.
“Thanks.” She replied.
Moments later, they got to the
bus-stop but unfortunately, they
are going different ways.
“Which way are you going?” She
asked.
“Iwo road and you?” he replied.
“I live in the GRA”. She replied.
“So, you even lived very close to
the centre?” he asked.
“Yeah, don’t you see am lucky?”
she asked.
“Very lucky.”
“Bye, see you on monday.” she
said.
“Alright.” he replied.
They parted and Olanike crossed
to the other side of the road,
while Segun entered a
commercial but that will take him
home.
“a nice begining to a great
examination.” He thought to
himself and smiled.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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100 gm of moist peach seed contains 88 mg of cyanide. And yes, eating 100 gm of peach seed wouldn’t be the safest thing to do.Related

The pados waali auntis are the Real World Whatsapp, telling the whole Mauhalla where someone was last seen at.Related

We rushed her to Oke-Oyi, they took her to the emergency room and after just like 30mins, the Dr on duty came out to confirm to us she was dead. My sister busted into serious tears and was crying uncontrollably, i don’t even know either to cry or what to do, on my mind i was thinking of how i killed my sister. She was later clean up and park to the morgue after the dr said she got complications while trying to abort pregnancy through use of drugs (As if i don’t know before)
We left the hospital around 6am, i called my dad and told him that he need to start coming to Ilorin that it was very urgent, he tried to ask what happened and i told him that until he comes but he was hearing background tears asking if that was not the voice of my sister and i cut the phone.
My parent got to my place almost 8am and immediately my sister set her eyes on them she started crying “Nimat ti ku oooo” “Mummy Nimat ti ku ooo”, my mummy couldn’t believe what she was hearing and she asked “Nimat ku?” “Kilopa”?….”o syun ni ooo mummy, Nimat logun lo seyun ni ooo and we warned her not to do so at least she was not too young to be”
My father called me and started asking me series of question and i told hin all i knew that she got pregnant and the funniest thing was that we don’t even know her boyfriend as no guy ever come to the house to look for him. I was on the verge of talking to her friends to find out if they know any guy with him but all said they don’t know, we don’t know what led her to her taking drugs to abort the pregnancy.
We buried my sister, my parent stayed behind for like a week, her course mate in school came to greet us aside from so many other people coming to my house. Her death was a total disaster to our family, i was seriously pained that i was the one that caused the death of my sister but i couldn’t say it out. What kind of ear will listen to the fact that i was having sex with my sister to the extent of getting pregnant and gave her drug to use which later took her life.
Mummy Daniel was supportive during my trying period; she was always in my house to pacify me almost every day. Joke was sad when she heard of Nimat’s death and even Temilade was so supportive even though we have not set eyes on each other ever since we started talking on facebook. I was back to my normal self after like a month.
My problem has always been that i don’t take my eyes away from anything in skirt or jean that has a ass and breast, no matter how small they are or how big so far they are within the range of 30years or at least a bit older with nice body structure, my major aim was always to mark register at the pussy of any lady i encountered. I don’t know if it was a jinx or something with me and my sisters, initially, i thought the affairs between me and my sister was an avoided mistake not until i started looking at my sister one kind in the house, i will hold her at intervals even while we are having conversations even though she always sees it as nothing.
I went out this Saturday morning to visit Mummy Daniel, my sister asked when i will be coming back and i told her maybe later in the evening because my aim was to stay and play with her for so long as she was the only one at home. The children are on holiday, she already took them to grandma’s place over two weeks ago. I was surprised when i got there and realized that the kids and grandma were around; grandma came in with the children that morning because they were missing their mum.
I couldn’t stay long as that was a bad business, i left there around 12pm after playing with them for close to 2 hours, when she saw me off to the car, she pleaded that she didn’t know the kids will be around that she will make it up to me. I was already on because i was already fantasizing on how i will take her to another level before getting there. I started heading home and called funmi a kwara poly student if she wasn’t busy to come and meet me at home as i was dying of fuucccking someone, the funniest thing was that i still had sex with Victoria just 3 days ago.
I got home, opened the door and there was my sister and a guy in the sitting room unclad bleeping each other, they didn’t see me initially until i drop my car key on a table we have in the sitting room, she was shocked as she saw me, she stood up immediately, held the guy’s hand as they ran to her room. I don’t know if to get angry or what to do? She was my sister so she can enjoy her life but the funniest thing was, that was not my sister’s fiancée i know, her fiancée was in Offa and she has shown me her picture so many times. Who am i to rebuke my sister that she was not keeping one boyfriend as she knows me to always change girls just like cloth even though she always complain that they are too much.

>>

A boy was travelling by Bus, and was eating Chocolate profusely. One Man that was sitting near him got infuriated and asked him:
Man: boy don't u know that eating alot of chocolates isn't good for your teeth?
Boy: My Grand Father was 100years old before He died.
Man: Is it by eating a lot of Chocolates?
Boy: No, but by minding His Business.

thanks.....by (DON HENRY)


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-16 19:23:55

351 Views




If you have one eye on Yesterday, and one eye on Tomorrow, you are going to be cockeyed Today.Related

Akpors the lazy student was in school one day looking for chances to start troubles and with no plans of learning anything as usual.
The class teacher instructed everyone to pull out their notebooks and write a very good essay on an imaginative football match.
All the students in Akpors’ class immediately got to work, plotting their essay and thinking up a good football match.
After a short while, Akpors stood up to submit his work; everyone was very surprised since Akpors was known to be the dullest student in class. Impressed by his performance that day, the teacher opened his notebook to read his essay only to find it blank!
Angry and shocked she screamed at Akpors: Akpors, what on earth is this?
Akpors replied: ‘Ah ah, Aunty, you didn’t read what I wrote at the end of the paper? it says; “IT RAINED HEAVILY, SO THE MATCH GOT CANCELLED!”


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-23 08:26:49

312 Views




WhatsApp: 2347060981481
Email: vicson47@ gmail.com
Author: VictVames

About my family in brief…
Igala by tribe, my parents has three children and I’m the only male and second child. My older sister Joy, who got married last year to her Pilot lover and she’s currently pregnant with her first issue. She lives in Kano and has not visited the family since she got married.
My younger sister Nancy is a jambite, she stays at home and also helps momma in the shop. I’m suspecting her of having a boyfriend, iffa catch any guy near my sister eh…
U all know about me already, i’m the boyfriend of our President’s lovely Daughter,,, sweet description for me Lolz
My Momma is still young and pretty that one useless guy abi man tried to toast her, person mama wey don born finish *imagine*. He got the most suitable insults he could ever get from any woman, its a good thing i wasn’t around by that time, That was when i was in custody and being tortured by that wicked soldier woman and her colleagues *tear drop* Momma owns a big provision store.
My Father is a Chartered Accountant and he travels a lot. I do suspect him a lot that he’s still sexually active and i hope i’m wrong. He his the kind of father that children would want to be around, he always bring goodies from his trip. He is nice and very cool. He doesn’t shout out of anger, he provides every needs of the family.
??? ? Continues ? ???
Momma: *Coughs*
Me: Errmm… Mummy u are back
Mum: Yes, hmmmm and I guess you’re fine now
Me: Yes ma, the Doctor have discharged me already
Mum: What did he say?
Me: He said i’m fine now that i can go home
Mum: No, I mean what did he said about the bills?
Me: Its being taken care of
Mum: By who?
Me: Her **smiling**
Mum: U did? **Referring to Mirabel**
Mirabel: Yes ma
Mum: Thank u my daughter, God bless u
Mirabel: Thank u ma,,, where is Nancy?
Mum: I sent her ahead, to start preparing dinner
Mirabel: Ok ma,,, so let’s be going
Mum: Put on your shirt Victor let’s go home
I put on my shirt, Mirabel supported me to stand up. I saw how my Momma was smiling when looking at us, i pretended not seeing her.
We got outside, there was two cars. One for my momma and the other for Mirabel. I had to go with my mum’s
She quietly spoke to me not letting my momma hear.
Mirabel: Excuse me lemme call the guards to go and lodge in a hotel, I will be going with you and your mum
Me: Ok
Buh, is she planning on staying over? Hhmmm…
We arrived at our house.
Mum: Go and rest on the big chair (couch) lemme join Nancy in the kitchen
Me: Ok ma
Mum: Mirabel make yourself comfortable Ok? I’m coming
Mirabel: Ok ma
**She went into the kitchen**
A loud awkward silence just emanated from within.
I saw her smiling whenever i take a glance at her.
Me: What’s up with the smiling?
Mirabel: *laughs* Nothing… U look cuter when you’re sick
Me: Go ahead, keep teasing me
Mirabel: *laughs* No i’m not teasing u, u are cute
Me: Ok thank u. Mirabel, we need to talk
Mirabel: Why? U want to break up with me?
Me: Of course not! why did u say that?
Mirabel: Well uhmmm… that’s something i learnt from Hollywood movies
Me: What did u learn?
Mirabel: That’s ermm… whenever a guy or a girl tells his partner that ‘we need to talk’ its probably about break up.
Me: Hhmmm…
Mirabel: So what do u want to talk about?
Me: About the situation at hand.
Mirabel: Okay yea, but not now
Me: Why? Aren’t u worried at all??
Mirabel: Why are u worried? are u a shame of me??
Me: Are u kidding? Why should i be ashamed of u??
Mirabel: Then why are u so worried?
Me: Mirabel u should understand the situation
Mirabel: What situation?
Me: I could get into trouble, how do u think the President would feel seeing me kissing his daughter in campus? His image? Status? Responsibility? Don’t u think it’d be scandalous and can lead to controversies of his administration by his adversaries??
Mirabel: U dunno know anything about my father and i told u already that its been taken care of
Me: But how?
**My mum just showed up**
Mum: What is this that i just heard? President? Daughter? Father? And who is kissing the President’s daughter??
Me: Mummy… U
Mum: Alu we de! (Close your mouth!) I’m asking u Mirabel, are u the President’s daughter? Because i clearly overheard that part
My sister Nancy brought herself into the sitting room as well
Nancy: What’s going on mummy? *confused*
Mummy: Myself don’t understand, I’m trying to understand
Nancy: But i heard your voice
Mummy: I’m trying to get answers that hasn’t been provided,,, yet.
Nancy: Senior Bro, Aunty Mirabel what’s this about?
Mirabel: Okay, Alright I’m gonna clear the air by telling u guys the truth
Me: Mirabel…
Mirabel: Its okay,,, lemme do this
Mummy: Go ahead i’m listening
Mirabel: Uhmmm,,, okay its like this, I’m the President’s Daughter
Mummy: Ehn?!
Nancy: Whoa…..
??? To Be Continued. ???

>>




Akpos: I do not have a TV, that means I do not have a licence.

Inspector: But I saw a TV antenna on your roof?

Akpos: Inspector please come in.

(Akpos opens the fridge and points to the jar of milk)

Akpos: Inspector, what is this?

Inspector: How can you ask me such a silly question, it’s a jar of milk.

Akpos: Does that mean I have cows in my yard?!



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-18 13:42:19

296 Views



Confusion [Read it]


"Us confused NLC like just and you confused i like them confuse to person another to it send, confused up ended and this read to trying time your took you since".... (Confused aren't you? I apologize now read it backwards)


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-28 19:04:22

241 Views



African King [Read it]



Years ago, an African King was given some basic
English conversation training before he visits
Washington and meets President Bill Clinton.
The instructor told the African King, "When you shake
hands with President Clinton, please say, 'How are
you?' then Mr. Clinton should say, 'I am fine, and
you?' Now, you should say, 'me too'. Afterwards, we
translators will do the work for you."
When the African King met Clinton, he mistakenly
said, "Who are you?" (Instead of "How are you?).
Mr. Clinton was a bit shocked, but still managed to
react, "Well, I'm Hillary's husband."
Then the African King replied, "Me too."

#BOLLY_SMART™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-07-31 14:04:49

316 Views



my wedding [Read it]


Next week is my wedding although iz a smal party nd few people are invited plez wen cuming dnt bring any gift jst bring som1 hu wil marry me. It is jsut a joke


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-27 07:37:43

744 Views




BLIND BEGGAR TO A LADY: You look like
an angel. Can you please give me some
money? LADY TO HER HUSBAND: This man isn't
blind HUSBAND: He is! WIFE: How do you know? HUSBAND: He said that you look like an
angel. They are divorced now...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-25 00:26:05

365 Views




Two days later, I woke up feeling weak and
nausea.
I rushed outside and vomited the content of my
stomach onto the floor.
My mum heard me gretching and ran outside to
see what was wrong with me.
She observed me for some seconds with her right
hand under her jaw.
“I hope its not what I’m thinking?” She asked
staring at me.
“I think its malaria,” I replied anxiously.
“When last did you see your flow?” My mum
asked in a lowered voice.
I kept silent and muttered an inaudible reply.
“Chai this girl has killed me!” my mum screamed
placing both palms flat on her head. “Who did this
to you?” She asked.
I muttered again.
“Will you talk to me you stupid girl!” My mum
bawled advancing towards me.
I started crying.
“Let’s go into the house,” she suggested and we
both went in.
Once we were inside, my mum reopened the
discussion.
“Now tell me who did this to you?” My mum
pressed on.
I didn’t know what to reply. I didn’t know who
else to point at except Oga cos he was the only
person who had access to my body intimately.
How to reveal that fact to my mum was what I
didn’t know.
But then I had to.
“It was Oga,” I replied shaking with fear.
“You mean your Oga in the city?” My mum asked
with great consternation. “The same Oga that
drove you back to this house? I can’t believe it!”
My mum affirmed.
“Oga did it to me,” I repeated.
“Chai o!” My mum screamed. “Your Oga in the
city?” she asked rhetorically looking aghast.
“Yes ma,” I replied sobbing.
My mum couldn’t believe her ears.
There and then she informed me that we would
be going to the city the next day.
The next day we got to Oga’s house around 2
o’clock in the afternoon.
Oga wasn’t around when we arrived but madam
was around.
Her eyes nearly fell out of its socket when she
opened the door and saw my mother and I.
She couldn’t hide her shock and trepidation even
though she did all her best to.
I am sure her mind must have ran hay wire
though she struggled to conceal it.
“Welcome ma,” she greeted my mum.
“Where’s that he-goat you call your husband?”
My mum asked furiously shoving madam aside
and marching fearlessly into their sitting room.
“How dare you call my husband a he-goat?”
Madam barked in response.
“My daughter is pregnant for your husband,” my
mum exploded the news to madam shocking her
again for the second time in quick succession.
“What did you just say?” Madam asked not sure
she heard my mum well. “You said my husband
did what?”
“You heard me right!” My mum snapped.
I stood beside my mum sobbing quietly.
Madam was too dumbfounded to utter a word.
She had had enough for an afternoon.
Silently she went into the master bedroom and
locked herself.
I couldn’t tell whether she called Oga or not but
Oga came back approximately 20mins later and
met us in the sitting room.
I think madam called him because he wasn’t
surprised on seeing us like someone who already
knew that we were around.
“How dare you impregnate my daughter?” My
mum lashed out rising to her feet.
“Who?” Oga asked feigning ignorance.
“Adaeze my daughter,” my mum replied.
“Please madam I don’t know what you’re talking
about,” Oga replied almost causing my mum a
heart attack with his reply.
“And please if you don’t mind,” Oga continued.
“Leave my house.”
My mum couldn’t believe her ears and with
intense anger she stormed out of Oga’s house
dragging me along…



Drop your comments below



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Reaching the end of a job
interview, the Human
Resources Officer asks a young
engineer fresh out of the
Massachusetts Institute of
Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The
engineer replies, "In the region
of $125,000 a year, depending
on the benefits package." The
interviewer inquires, "Well,
what would you say to a package of five weeks
vacation, 14 paid holidays, full
medical and dental, company
matching retirement fund to
50% of salary, and a company
car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer
sits up straight and says,
"Wow! Are you kidding?" The
interviewer replies, "Yeah, but
you started it."
#BOLLY_SHOW™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-11 22:28:02

618 Views




I hear say Petrol no dey. And Fuel dey scarce....
But all these ''Green and Black Plate Number Cars''
dey drive up and down with Siren.
I wonder where thunder dey.
Our ''Traveller'' no even bother for the matter sef,
and thunder just dey look am.
Even those where vote am... Where thunder.
Hahahahaa..Meehhnn, 9ja. Real Giants of Africa.
Make everybody turn Musicians and Footballers o,
na dia money dey now


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-11 19:39:49

376 Views



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