Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


The first person to get this question right will get credit 400 naira from me.

If Nairajokes.com has 6000 members.
Members can either likes LOVE jokes, SCHOOL jokes, both LOVE & SCHOOL jokes or none.
if 3000 members likes LOVE jokes only.
2000 members likes SCHOOL jokes only.
600 members likes neither LOVE jokes nor SCHOOL jokes.
What is the total number of members that likes LOVE jokes?

Note:
Drop your answer along with your phone number.
Don't answer more than once.

Lets the answer start rolling.
GOODLUCK!!!!!!!!!!



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-14 11:10:19

184 Views




MY SWEET AND LOVELY HOUSE BOY (Episode 1)

It was a pleasant morning, and its just been a week since my twentieth birthday, I heard a voice from upstairs, Shade! Shade!, ah, it was my dad, (he is going to london for a business trip, and I'm on holidays, my mom travelled to dubai last week and won't be coming home for a long time, and now my dad is also leaving... ) Yes daddy, I answered.

Dad: Shade, as I told you earlier, I'll be travelling to london to spend some days there, I know you'll be left alone and you'll miss me and your mom, its for the best, we need to upgrade our company and increase the demanding rate by our customers.

Me: (I don't even understand what he's saying) okay dad ***with a smile on my face***
Dad: okay, before I forget, Tunde our new house boy will be looking after the house, Tunde! Tunde! He shouted.

------Tunde walked in--------
Tunde: Yes sir, I'm here sir **looking excited**

Dad: You will follow all what she will tell you, you'll also not fail or disobey her orders unless you want to sleep in sale

Tunde: ah yes sir, I'll not fail you sir

Dad: okay Shade, I'll be on my way

Me: okay bye dad.. I love you dad, safe journey **i said smiling as his driver came and drove himoff***
My father had reached the airport when he called me saying he is about to leave, I then prayed on the phone for him and he hanged up telling me to take good care of my Self.

Immediately I called my boyfriend, I asked him to come over to my place that my father had now travelled, I waited for hours and was just staring at my wrist watch when tunde showed up putting on a short boxer and a singlet. *****Tunde was a student at the university of lagos, doing computer science, he's fairly tall, slim and muscular with a dark complexion, he speaks good english and from my dad's theory, he needed to raise enough money to pay his school fees and buy a new laptop of about 200,000naira for his project in school.
Being a house boy or girl for our family can fetch a huge fortune, and tunde was lucky because my dad knew his parents so well*****

Tunde: Shade, what will you like to eat for the afternoon?

Me: ***Staring at his muscular and s*xy body*** Nothing! Don't disturb me okay?

Tunde: I'm sorry, I can see you're sad by the departure of dad, accept my apology miss shade

Me: Apology accepted, leave now jare....
****even if i schooled abroad, I still knew a little yoruba, and i noticed he smiled when i included “Jare” to my sentence***
I was still very worried as its almost getting late and i haven't seen any sign of my boyfriend, as he told me he'll come visiting and come spend some intimate time with me ***sounds funny but I'm still a virgin at 20*** I waited a couple of hours and bang! My phone ranged...

Boyfriend: hello sweetheart

Me: why honey, I've waited decades for you to come over, what's keeping you boo?

Boyfriend: honey, I got caught up with some important stuffs, and you know my dad came and he needs me to help him arrange some important documents.

Me: aww why now! Your dad is really getting between us.

Boyfriend: Honey g2g now my dad is here already
***Cuts the call***
Ah, I felt really bad and worried, its been a long time since I really talked with him, he was literally mad at me after I refused to have s*x with him, but it seemed he has gotten past all that. I decided to go see him myself, I carried the car key, entered the car and Drove off to his house, I horned, and the gateman yelled, "oga no wan see anybody today o..." I guessed he did not see my car, he just shouted out of ignorant... I yelled back "Musa! Musa! Open the gate"

Musa: oh, madam shade, I no know sey na you

Me: you'd better not known, as I drove and parked my motor vehicle I spotted his car, I asked the gate man;

Me: musa, is my boyfriend around?

Musa: miss shade, me I see am for oga e waka with one fine girl enter inside room. Pha, since morning.

Me: have you seen his dad?

Musa: oga father nodae in town o... Me I no see am for oga father

Me: okay musa thank you very much. ***i removed 1,000Naira note from my purse and handed it to him. ***He smiled and said "Nagode"(Nagode is a hausa word for Thank you"*****
I walked into the house with full confidence knowing my boyfriend can never cheat on me, he always says he loved me and will never cheat on me. ***I opened the door***

Me: Jesus! Wha What Are you do dooing? I....i...TrUsted you...***burst into tears***
Boyfriend: its not what you think, please wait ***he held my hand***

Me: don't touch me! Don't even dare! I hate you disgusting bastard!
Random girl: leave her, let's enjoy what we were doing...

Boyfriend: shut up you harlot!

Me: sobs, **cleaned my tears and carried my bag and drove off**
I reached home, feeling heart broken and depressed... Then Tunde walks in...

Tunde: hey shade, where have you been, you just drove off and seemed you'll never return

Me: I'm not in the mood to make jokes okay? Just get lost

Tunde: okay, I'm sorry if I'm bugging you
Me: mtcheew...
I was really tired, to add again the heartbreak, I couldn't even eat anything the whole day till it was late and i didn't even know when I fell asleep but I was a bit concious and I remember quite vividly that i didn't sleep with a blanket on, but someone covered me my blanket who could it be if not Tunde?

WATCH OUT FOR EPISODE 2


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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*Maths ( Ganit ) Professor to Baccha while solving a Maths Sum*



Professor : Baccha Ye dekho..!!

Aise 8 ko hum 2 se divivde karte hai toh ans milta hai..!!

Samjha?



Baccha: Sir Roko board pe solve kiye huye us Sum ko us se pehle wo chala jaye..!! :O



Professor: Jayega kyu? :/



Baccha: Sir aapne hi bola na.. “Sum Ja” xD



Professor: Pakao mat..!! -_-

Accha 9 divided by 3 kitne huye?

Is Prashan ka Uttar do?



Baccha: Uttar hi kyu?

Mein Dakshin,Purab aur Paschim bhi dunga..!! xD



Professor: Wtf..!!

Kaise Pagal Log hai mere class mein..!! -_-



Baccha: Sir itni si Baat pe Log kyu apply kar rahe ho?



Professor: Toh Anti-Log istemaal karu? :/



Baccha: Aunty log istemaal karega?

Tharki Professor saale..!! xD



Professor: Shutup and Go Stand outside the class..!! :@



Baccha: I always knew i was an ‘OutStanding’ student..!! 8|



Professor: Hmmm..!! -_-

Saale ne acche khaase Integrated dimaag ko Differentiate kar diya..!! :@Related

Banta: yaar santa,

agar Maa ke kadmo me Jannat hoti h to

Naani ke kadmo me kya hoti hai?

.

.

.

.

.

.

Santa (thodi der sochne k baad): Jannat-2 ????Related

TV licence [Read it]


INSPECTOR: Good afternoon sir, may I see your TV licence?

AKPOS: I do not have a TV, that means I do not have a licence.

INSPECTOR: But I saw an aerial on top of your rooftop?

AKPOS: Inspector please come in.

(Akpos opens the fridge and points to the jar of milk)

AKPOS: Inspector, what is this?

INSPECTOR: How can you ask me such a silly question, it's a jar of milk.

AKPOS: Does that mean I have cows in my yard?!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-21 21:12:22

101 Views




In Japan a 17yr old is a doctor
In Brazil a 17yr old is a footballer
In India a 17yr old is a shop owner
In China a 17yr old is an engineer
In Iraq a 17yr old is a Soldier
In USA a 17yr old is a celebrity
In Israel a 17yr old is a priest
In Nigeria a 27yr old is a
whatsapp group admin...gat to chat all the way


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-28 02:00:33

735 Views




One of the complex paradox of our life is that no matter how pretentious and untruthful we are, we want others to be honestRelated

Sunday School Today Was Confusing .The
Discussion Was About 'The Children Of Israel'
After Sunday School Study, The Conductor
Asked if there is any question...
Me: Yes I got one Sir.
Conductor: Yes, ask your question...
Me: You said the Children of Israel escaped
from Egypt?
Conductor: Yes Emmanuel, they did.
Me: You said the children of Israel crossed the
red sea?
Teacher: Of course.
Me: You also added that the children of Israel
also brought down the mighty walls of Jericho?
Teacher : Yes Emmanuel! What's your Point?
Me: Don't get mad Oh! When the children of
Israel were doing everything, where exactly
were the adults of Israel?? They must be too
lazy to allow those Children to do everything
alone!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Fake dream [Read it]


Teacher fell Asleep in Class and Akpos
walked up to him,
AKPOS: “Teacher are you sleeping in
Class ?”
TEACHER: “No I am not Sleeping in Class.
AKPOS: “What were you doing Sir ?
TEACHER: I was talking to God.”
The next day Akpos fell Asleep in class and
the same teacher walks up to him
TEACHER : “Akpos, You are sleeping in my
Class.”
AKPOS: “No not me Sir, I am not
Sleeping.”
ANGRY TEACHER : “What were you
doing. ??”
AKPOS: “I was talking to God.”
ANGRY TEACHER : “What did he Say ??”
AKPOS: “God said he never spoke to you
yesterday.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-26 06:50:00

597 Views




GUARD: Aha! I’ve caught you red-handed! stealing fishes.
AKPOS: What do you mean by red-handed?
GUARD: You’ve got a bucket full of fish right here, you can not talk your way out of it this time.
AKPOS: Oh, you don’t understand, I’ve not stolen a thing. These are my pet fishes. I bring them to the reservoir once a week for exercise. After they've had a good swim, they come back to the bucket and we go back home. I can prove it.


Akpos dipped the bucket in and the fishes swam away. They both stood in silence for 20, 30, 40 minutes….. No sign of the fish coming back to the bucket.


GUARD: Aha, you lying rogue! You stole those fishes?
AKPOS: What fishes? Where is your proof?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-17 07:07:48

164 Views




1. Any man who successfully convinces a monkey
that honey is sweeter than banana, is capable of
selling condoms to a Roman father.
2. Dear ladies, If your boyfriend didn’t wish you a
happy mother’s day or sing sweet mother for you,
you should stop breastfeeding him.
3. He who swallows a complete coconut have
absolute trust in his anus.
4. Dear sisters, don’t be deceived by a man who text
you “I miss you” only when it’s raining, because you
are not an umbrella.
5. Swimming pool is more useful than Liverpool.
6. If over 15 guys have sucked your breasts, you don’t
need to call those things “your breasts”, It’s called
COW BELL, OUR MILK! – Repeat after me, OUR MILK!
7. It’s hard to bewitch African girls these days. Every
time you take a piece from her hair to the witch
doctor, either a Brazilian innocent woman gets mad
or a factory in China catches fire.
8. All I hear always is, ‘No sex before marriage?’ If
that was God’s plan, then you would receive your
penis or vagina on your wedding day.
9. The only warning Africans take serious is LOW
BATTERY.
10. Men sucking lady’s breast is normal because the
act was learnt in childhood when they were young
but the act of lady’s sucking men’s d*ck is what
baffles me, where did they learn it from?
11. Whenever things seem to start going well in your
life, the Devil comes along and gives you a ‘girlfriend’.
12. When your clothes are made of cassava leaves,
you don’t take a goat as a friend.
13. If you have attended over 100 weddings in your
life and still single, you are not different from a
Canopy.
14. Dating a slim/slender guy is cool. The problem is
when you are lying on his chest then his ribs draw
adidas lines on your face.
15. If you are ugly, you are ugly. Stop talking about
inner beauty because men don’t walk around with X-
rays to see inner beauty.
16. Respect pregnant women because it’s not easy
walking around with evidence that you’ve had sex.
17. Some of the girls of today can’t even jog for 5
minutes but they expect a guy to last in bed with you
for 2 hours? Your level of selfishness demands a one
week crusade.
18. I stopped trusting ladies when my class 3
girlfriend left me for another boy all because he
bought a sharpener with a mirror.
19. Nothing makes a woman more confused than
being in a relationship with a “broke” man who’s
extremely good in bed.
20. Witchcraft is when a 24 year old girl who cannot
jog for 5 minutes expects a 40 year old man to last
for 1 hour in bed.
21. Being dumped by a dark-skinned girl is the worst
thing ever; because anytime you get home and see
charcoal, you become emotional.
22. Women with beauty and no brains, it is your
private parts will suffer the most.
23. When one’s goat gets missing, the aroma of a
neighbour’s soup gets suspicious.
24. Its better for a man to be stingy with his money
because he hustled for it than a woman to deny you a
hole she didn’t drill.
25. Even Satan wasn’t gay, he approached naked Eve
instead of naked Adam. Say no to same-sex
marriage.
26. If you are a married man and you find yourself
attracted to school girls, just buy your wife a school
uniform.
27. It is every man’s dream to remove a woman’s
pant one day but NOT when it’s on a drying line.
28. Virginity is the best wedding gift any man would
receive from his newly wed wife but lately, there’s
nothing as such any-longer because it’ll have already
been given out as a Birthday gift, token of
Appreciation, Job assurance, Church collection,
Examination marking schemes & for Lorry fares!”
29. Treat every part of your towel nicely because the
part that wipes your buttocks today will wipe your
face tomorrow.
30. We are living in a generation where people “in
love” are free to touch each others’ private parts but
cannot touch each others’ phones because they’re
private.”
31. Sometimes you look back at girls you spent
money on rather than send it to your mum and you
realise witchcraft is real.
32. If President Barack Obama wants me to allow
marriage for same-sex couples in my country
(Zimbabwe), he must come here so that I marry him
first.
33. South Africans will kick down a statue of a dead
white man but won’t even attempt to slap a live one.
Yet they can stone to death a black man simply
because he’s a foreigner.
34. What is the problem? We now have aeroplanes
which can take them back quicker than the ships
used by their ancestors.
35. Mr Bush, Mr. Blair and now Mr Brown’s sense of
human rights precludes our people’s right to their
God-given resources, which in their view must be
controlled by their kith and kin. I am termed dictator
because I have rejected this supremacist view and
frustrated the neo-colonialists.
36. Cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in a piece of
paper with fire on one end and a fool on the other
end.
37. A brave man is he who has a running stomach
and still wants to flatulate.
38. Journalist: Sir don’t you think 89 years would be a
great time to retire as a President.
Mugabe: Have you ever asked the Queen this
question or is it just for African leaders?
39. Interviewer: Mr President, when are you bidding
the people of Zimbabwe farewell?
Robert: Where are they going?
40. My dear ladies, please don’t buy a selfie stick
when your armpit itself needs a shaving stick.

Thankz 4 ur time..........



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-06-17 01:33:53

521 Views




I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs.Related

Grace: i don't think those men know what to do
Lambert: are you okay
Grace: i am not;my daughter life is in danger and i can't do anything to save her
Lambert: we will definitely find her
Grace: when?
Lambert: relax(phone ringing)let me take this
Grace: who is it?
Lambert: i don't know(he pick the call)hello
Loveth: hello;dad is me
Lambert: Loveth;
Loveth: yes dad
Grace: give me the phone
Lambert: relax;where are you?are you alright?
Loveth: dad;i am fine. right now i am in a courtyard along the countryside
Lambert: okay;we will come get you
Loveth: don't worry dad;i am fine,i am not alone here
Lambert: who is with you?
Loveth: Luke;dad
Lambert: are you okay?do you want him to do something bad to you
Loveth: dad
Lambert: give him the phone(he collect the phone)hello
Luke: good day sir
Lambert: good day;please do not do anything to my daughter because i will not think twice before hurting you if you hurt my daughter
Luke: i won't
Lambert: we understand each other now;right? take care of my daughter for me and also take care of yourself
Luke: i will sir(he gave the phone back to her)
Loveth: dad;how are you and mom
Lambert: we are fine but your mom is worry sick for you
Loveth: tell her i am fine and please tell her to be strong for me
Lambert: we will but please come home because your husband is worry about you;should i tell him....
Loveth::no dad
Lambert: why
Grace: give me the phone(she collected the phone)baby;don't worry;we will not telling him anything. i know you don't want to see him
Loveth: thank you mom;i got to go
Lambert: alright take care(he end the call)is a good thing she is save now
Grace: yes;i am happy
Lambert: so you will let me rest now
Grace: yes(curtain)


David: brother;what is it?
Danny: i beg you;please help me talk to Darling;tell her everything
David: relax brother;what is going on?
Danny: how can i relax?when my wife as left me because of your stupidity
David: Darling;know about the car now
Danny: yes;but she missed interpreted it. she is thinking that i am having an affair with the lady
David: what?
Danny: yes;i need you brother to go clarify things for me
David: okay;i do it for you because i get you into all this and it is all my fault
Danny: thank you
David: don't thank me;i should be the one thanking you for saving my life because that man is capable of everything
Danny: that is enough;just hope that my wife will accept
David: she will(curtain)


Muriel: where is my son?Luke want to kill me
Joan: relax mom;i am sure he is fine
Muriel: if i get hold of that girl i will strangle her;myself
Joan: mom;see the bright side of everything. just pray that Luke find her
Ruth: grandma;Mom why are you two here?who is taking care of dad?
Joan: baby;the doctors are there
Ruth: then i have to go take care of dad
Joan: baby;the thing is that your ma Loveth is in danger and dad have to go and save her
Ruth: is dad alright now?
Joan: hmm
Ruth: okay;i just pray nothing happen to ma Loveth because i will cry a river for her
Muriel: baby;stop thinking about that stupid and evil girl
Ruth: grandma;she is a nice person
Muriel: suite yourself
Ruth: why is grandma always angry?
Joan: try and understand grandma she is just protecting your dad
Ruth: alright mom(curtain)


Loveth: superman
Luke: yes
Loveth: what are you doing?
Luke: i want to call mom but no one is pick up and i am sure she is worried sick about me
Loveth: go on and try it later
Luke: okay;i think i should call sir Lucas;he can help us
Loveth: okay;your dad
Luke: yep(he called)hello sir;is Luke
Lucas: my son;thank God!where are you?
Luke: i am fine sir;can you help me inform my mom that i am okay
Lucas: alright;have you been able to find Loveth?(enter Jude)
Luke: yes;i am with her
Lucas: what?please be careful because your....
Jude: dad
Lucas: son;are you going out?(referring to Jude)bye and please don't call me again(he )
Jude: who are you talking to?
Lucas: is one stupid boy
Jude: okay
Lucas: i will just go to my room
Jude: alright(exit Lucas)you think i don't know;my eyes are everywhere. just pray that i don't find out where both of them are(curtain)

Luke: what is going on with this man?
Loveth: what did he say?
Luke: one minute he is saying something sensitive and the next minute he said i shouldn't call him again
Loveth: maybe Jude is there;i just hope he didn't know that i am with you
Luke: relax;he won't find out
Loveth: that reminds me;when did you get out of the hospital
Luke: when i find out that is like you want to commit suicide
Loveth: you need to go to the hospital back
Luke: don't be annoying;come on lets go and exploit the town(he dragged her)
Loveth: where to?
Luke: don't be scared;i won't do anything to you because i don't want your dad to hurt me(she laughed)why?
Loveth: my dad is a very simple person;don't be scared of him; he doesn't like it when his love ones are getting hurt
Luke: just like you
Loveth: what?
Luke: i know everything now
Loveth: dad told you
Luke: yes but why did you do that
Loveth: i don't know;this place is lovely;i feel like a princess
Luke: you haven't answer my question
Loveth: lets not talk about that today
Luke: why?
Loveth: so many flowers(she pick and throw on him)come on
Luke: stop it(she continue)you such a baby. stop it,if i get you
Loveth: catch me if you can(she ran he ran after her)
Luke: Loveth(he hold his head)
Loveth: are you okay?
Luke: yes(he continue holding his head)

Jude: dad;are you going out
Lucas: no;yes
Jude: which one will i take?
Lucas: no because i just want to see Muriel;sorry my son
Jude: where is your son?
Lucas: at the hospital
Jude: he is no longer there
Lucas: then i will just go to his house
Jude: is there something you are not telling me
Lucas: no my son;i just want to go and check their house;since you have told me that my son is no longer at the hospital
Jude: he is not in their house also. he went missing from the day my wife as gone missing
Lucas: i know
Jude: you know(he stared at Lucas)
Lucas: what i meant is that....
Jude: go on
Lucas: Jude;please let me be
Jude: i will let you be but tell that son of yours that i will kill him if he show his face to me and if he doesn't show his face to me within twenty four hours i will kill his mom and daughter(he walked away)


Lucas: what is wrong with this boy?i need to take Muriel to a save place(he got into his car and Jude fellow him from a distance)Muriel
Muriel: where is my son?tell me
Lucas: relax;he is fine but you all have to leave this house now
Muriel: where are we going?
Lucas: just fellow me this house is no longer save for you
Muriel: what?is my son alright
Lucas: this is not a time for question and answer;come on lets go
Muriel: go on;answer me
Lucas: he is fine;he will only be happy when he return and find out you all are save
Muriel: alright Ruth;come on lets go with grandpa
Joan: where are you going to?
Muriel: come on Joan;lets leave this place. our life are in danger
Joan: alright;i go pack up something(he went inside and come back with something)we can go now
Lucas: hurry up(they walk outside but Jude and two boys was there)what are you doing here?
Jude: to pay my step brother's mom a visit;i need to take care of them before he return
Muriel: i do not need your care
Jude: really so?you really do not need it but i just owe you a duty of care and that i must do(he walked closer to them)
Lucas: stay away
Jude: i did not come here for you but if you stand on my way then you will feel my wrath
Lucas: if you want to hurt them you have to passed through me
Jude: no problem(he pushed him)
Lucas: Jude;it will not be well with you
Muriel: Lucas;are you alright
Jude: go on and care for a worthless man like this. one fun thing about you is that;you care for someone who doesn't love you. that is not my business
Ruth: stay away from my grandpa;you are bad(he held her tight)let me go
Jude: your dad is worse than me because he is with my wife(she slip on him on him)you bastard(he slapped her)
Joan: let go of my daughter
Jude: you lack training like your mom
Lucas: Jude;just let them go
Jude: i will(he turn and his boys grab hold of Ruth and Muriel attack them but they show her gun and drove off)
Lucas: Jude
Muriel: bring back my grandchild
Joan: my daughter(they cried and Lucas console them)i want my daughter(back to Loveth)

Loveth: Luke;lets go home already
Luke: no way;i am fine;lets go back there(they walked back)Loveth;tell me when(Luke phone ring)hello
Lucas: Luke;please be careful
Luke: why?
Lucas: don't asked;just promise me you will take care of yourself and Loveth and make sure Jude doesn't set eyes on you two
Luke: i will sir(he end the call and stared at Loveth)
Loveth: what is it?
Luke: Jude;is looking for you
Loveth: i don't want to go back to him(she ran backward and Luke fellow her)please don't give me back to him(she breathe heavily)
Luke: hold on;i am not give you to him
Loveth: i just can't stand him anymore;every day i live with him he hurt me like i am an animal;he treated me like i was nothing;he hurt me and my unborn baby
Luke: you were pregnant for him
Loveth: he raped me(she flashback to the rape incident and cry more)he still beat me up and when i find out i was pregnant i wanted to make my marriage work but he beat me mercilessly and i have a miscarriage(crying continued)he hurt me each passing day without thinking about my well being
Luke: why didn't you quit?
Loveth: i take every good and bad from him;i walked through the storm and wind all because i love you;i love you unconditionally(he stared at her with tears in his eyes) (back to Jude)
Jude: take this spoil brat inside
Ruth: let me go(she hit him and Jude pushed her to the floor and she faint)
Jude: useless girl(Back to Loveth)

Loveth: are you alright?(he held his head)Luke
Luke: my head(he screamed)my head
Loveth: superman;please don't do this to me(he continued screaming)help
Luke: Ruth;my daughter is in...
Loveth: what is it?
Luke: Ru....(he passed out)
Loveth: superman;please(she cried)help(back to Jude)

Boy1: boss;she has passed out
Jude: then wake her up;i am out of here
Boy 2: this man is something else
Boy 1: just do what concern you(Jude drive to Loveth's parent)

Loveth: superman;i beg you wake up(she get the phone and call her parent)hello dad
Lambert: little princess
Loveth: dad;please help us
Lambert: i can't hear you
Loveth: dad;i....(battery got flat)no;now that i needed this(she throw away the phone and ran to look for help)

Grace: what is going on?
Lambert: i don't know is like she need help
Grace: come on lets go to her
Lambert: not too sure but i will try Grace: come on lets go(they hurry out and Jude saw them)faster
Lambert: come on relax
Jude: where are those two going to?could it be that they are going to Loveth?i will go with them(he drove behind them while they drove to Loveth)

Lucas: Muriel;relax
Muriel: how can i do that?first my son is nowhere to be found and now my granddaughter as been taken away from me by your son. did i offend you?tell me. all i did wrong was to fall in love with you and now my family is paying for my sin
Joan: mother stop it(she hold her and cry)i just pray nothing happen to my daughter
Lucas: nothing will happen to them
Muriel: really?i will not sit here and do nothing(she ran outside)
Joan: mother;where are you going?
Lucas: come on lets go after him(they enter the car and drove off)

Lambert: where could she be?
Grace: this is suppose to be the place
Lambert: yes(they saw someone running towards them)is that not Loveth
Grace: Loveth(she called out and Loveth turn)its her(they come down)
Loveth: mother;please help us. dad;superman is dying. i don't know what is wrong with him
Lambert: come down(they walked to Luke and Jude fellow them from a distance)
Loveth: dad;there is he(Lambert bent to carried him up and Jude walked in with his boys)Jude;what are you doing here?
Jude: to.......



TO BE CONTINUED



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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A man took a village girl to an eatery. Sale girl walk up to them and said "sir what do you care for?".
Man: give me chicken and fried rice."Please MICROWAVE IT" he added.
The sale girl then turn to the village girl and said "Ma pls what do you care for?"
Village girl: Ehem, I care for my 8 junior sisters, just arrange 9 plates of Ice cream. And please please don`t forget to MICROWATE IT.
The man fainted


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-04 20:41:06

7928 Views



kiss [Read it]


If kissing was just 2 people touching
lips, it wouldn't touch our hearts and
bind our souls the way it does
Kiss is autograph of luv, music of
affection and sign of seduction.
KISS is Key of LOVER'S passion 4 intent
of seduction felt beyond & above.
The most eloquent silence; that of two
mouths meeting in a kiss.
A Kiss Seals Two Souls For A Moment In
Time..
If A Kiss Could
Say Just How
I Love You . . .
MY LIPS
Would Be On YOURS
Forever . . .
The eyes say, I love u dear,
The lips move, no words appear,
If ur love is true, sincere & real,
what the lips hide, the eyes reveal...
Kiss is fly from lips,
Lips is wet also kiss,
Dont miss a kiss
it is a valve of this
Whats live ? Live is love.
Whats love ? Love is kissing.
Whats kissing ? Come here and I show
you.
KISS is seal of soft affections
dearest tie of young connections,
love's silent confession
A kiss without a hug is like a flower
without the fragrance.
Kissing is like drinking salted water
You drink, and your thirst increases
The sound of a kiss is not so loud as
that of a cannon, but its echo lasts a
great deal longer.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-28 23:08:53

777 Views




Akpors came back home from school one day told his dad that a friend of his insulted his father.
The following conversation took place.

Akpors: Daddy my friend insulted you.

Daddy: what did he say?

Akpors: he said that you are barking like a dog.

Daddy: WHO! WHO! WHO!!!!.

Akpors: Daddy, you don start ooooooooh.

youngking love you all....


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-11 00:01:00

326 Views




I discovered a letter written by one of the maths students to a girl at a secondary school. Here is what the guy wrote...

Dear Cynthia,

With reference to the syllabus of my feelings, I want to prove that the locus of my point is directly proportional to your heart. On seeing you, I feel like a triangle with only 2 angles, the third one being you.

At times I feel like a circle without a circumference and a tangent without a gradient. We are like two simultaneous equations without solutions. You never seem to notice that I am a point lying at your linear equation. Your smile make my mind rotate 360 degrees anticlockwise and applying a translation, I finally get your image.

You are factors of a quadratic equation but still feel two disjoint sets. You are the hypotenuse of my right angled triangle and on using either sine or cosine, we can obtain a real solution. I tried to deal with you on a calculator version but the probability of success is very low.

My letter consists of only one section to be answered without a calculator and the answer is to be given "Yes" in three significant figures. My life without you is like coordinates of a quadratic turning point. My love for you is infinite like the graph of Tan 90 and Tan 270 degrees.

Yours Mathematical
Xxxx


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-21 09:34:32

1208 Views



Joke by Dindy [Read it]


JOKE BY DINDY
Boy:please can I see your pix?
Girl:kk
.
.
Picture sent??
.
.
Picture received??
.
.
Boy:wow you look beautiful....you look so 24....how old are you?
Girl:I am 18
Boy:huh?.....i said your age not your junior sister's age.........lol
#DINDY WROTE THIS=> facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-30 21:20:43

418 Views




BROKEN SEAL
EPISODE 39

The family driver was sent to
pick Nikky up.
Nikky took some luggages
along with her.
They (Nikky & Nenita) hopped
into the car and the driver
drove off.
*************************************
It was indeed a long ride,
annoyingly boring, i drove for
over three hours oouuch my
arms hurt!!!
We eventually arrived our
family house.
Nothing about the mansion has
changed, nothing look a day
older than i left it.
The brick-red paintings, rich
garden, love shaped swimming
pool, water fall and so on all
reminded me of my years in
cebu.
Dad was having some sort of
meeting in the conference
room.
Mum on the other hand was
glad to see us, she couldn’t
mask her smiles.
Me: mum, meet Ella, my
uhm……girlfriend.
Ella, meet the best mum ever!!!
Mum blushed perhaps because
of the compliment.
She gave Ella a warm welcome
and soon they started chatting
as if they’ve known each other
for ages.
I left them for my room.
Nikky’s house stood erect,
opposite ours.
From my window, i could get a
glimpse of a window in her
room.
That was one of our means of
communication during our
teenage years.
The memories we shared
together paid my mind a visit.
What if she comes for sinulog?
Would she come with Nenita?
Have she told her parents
about it yet?
Are dad and mum aware of
this?
What if……….
Ella: Isaiah? (she raised her
voice)
Me: er……uhm…..yeah? Why did
you have to speak loud?
Ella: I spoke but you didn’t
reply, what were you thinking?
Me: thinking? (fake smile) uh
n….nothing, never
mind…….uh….uh….eh you must
be famished, lets get you
something to it.
Ella: (wearing a surprised
expression)
*************************************
Nikky arrived rather late.
Their vehicle developed a
fault, on the way.
Her parents were in the sitting
room waiting for her, it was
already hours past bed time,
but the can’t just sleep without
seeing her.
*door opens*
Carolyne: oh! Thank heavens
you made it.
Angelo: you must be very tired!
Poor girl, my grand daughter
look very very tired.
Nikky: (taking her seat) yes
dad.
The maid took their luggages
to Nikky’s room.
Carolyne: is this your child?
…..the one i never had the
opportunity to see?
Nikky: (smiling) yes mum.
Carolyne: she looks cute! She
got those blue eyes from her
grandfather hahahahahaha.
Nikky: my eyes are blue too!
…….baby, why don’t you say hi
to mama?
Nenita: good day ma’am, hello
sir.
Carolyne: don’t stress yourself
okay? We have the whole of
tomorrow to ourselves.
Angelo: you two should go to
the dinning and have you
dinner already, just hope its
still warm.
*************************************
We had dinner with dad before
retiring for the night.
Ella and i laid on the bed with
her head resting on my broad
hairy chest while our eyes
searched the ceiling for some
invisible treasure.
Light silence ruled the
atmosphere around us until my
phone beeped, it was a text
message from mum, asking to
see me in their (dad’s &
mum’s) room.
I showed Ella the text, wore a
pair of slipper and left for the
hall way.
I soon found myself knocking
on their door.
I was ushered in without delay.
Mum: i know you’d be
wandering why we called you
here, nothing serious.
We were just thinking, why
don’t you get married?
Me: (huh? Why the rush, is the
something i must know?) i also
thought of that, but…..there’s a
little problem.
Dad: what is it son?
I think its time to let them
know about Nikky!
I told them everything i knew,
expecting a scold or worst
threats of arranged marriage.
But to my surprise, the only
exchanged glances, only hell
knows what that was to mean.
Dad: thats no problem at all,
have you run the DNA test?
Me: no, not yet, but i’ve given
a doc the specimen already.
Mum: great! The result doesn’t
count, if its positive, you get
your child back, if negative,
then…(shrug)
Whats more important is that
you marry the woman you
love.
To be honest, i never saw this
response coming, but i was
glad it did.
We continued talking before i
left minutes later.
Lying on my bed is a young
lady who truly love me, you
cares for me and all.
It really hurts me to keep her
in the dark about Nikky.
I know i’ve was being selfish
by keeping this from her, but
am now ready to tell her all
there is to know.
I know spilling it won’t be
easy, but am ready for my fate.
Me: (tapping her gently) Ella,
wake up, i have something to
tell you..its important.
She opened her eyes slightly,
resting her head on a pillow.
Oh God My heartbeat
increased, the loud beats from
my heart could be used to
dance raggae music.

>>

Once Winston Churchill was delivering a lecture. During his speech, a beautiful lady stood up and asked Churchill a question. Having no appropriate answer to give, he sat down. Another gentleman reminded Churchill that he hadn`t answered her question. Promptly came the reply from Churchill,

“When skirts go up pants go down.”Related

As they were walking towards the building housing the kids, Ana became very conscious of Rahul walking by her side. She felt like she was walking by the side of a huge magnet and had to control her stride to stop her from crashing into him.

As Ana was climbing the stairs, Rahul instinctively put his left arm out and his hand on her back. She wasn't expecting it and had to suppress herself from moaning. As soon as he made contact, she turned back and looked at him widening her eyes with surprise and anger.

"Just making sure you don't crash into me again", he whispered in her ear, coming close to her. She controlled herself from pushing him away to avoid making a scene in front of the office staff.

Once they were inside the facility, her orphan senses kicked in and she felt like child still roaming the corridors aimlessly. Looking around she was able to tell that the facility was fairly new and hardly lived in.

The kids were very polite and watched them from a distance. Though the facility was new, it was built as per the standards for an orphanage and Ana could walk around blindfolded. Having spent almost her entire life in similar buildings, she knew where and what to look for. However she was puzzled by the kids behavior as they were maintaining distance and were very polite.

Seeing Rahul busy talking to some of the caretakers, Ana went amongst the kids and started talking to them. She noticed a young girl looking at her with googly eyes and looking confused. She went upto her and hugged her and soon other kids warmed upto her and started hugging her.

For Ana, it was like visiting her childhood and soon the kids mingled with her and started talking freely. When one of the kids stepped in front of Rahul for a hug, he took a step back and looked hesitantly at Ana for starting a huggathon.

Ana glared at him, forcing him to hug, with her eyes. After the hug, Rahul realized the emotional need of the kids and joined Ana in hugging them and found them coming forward to talk and discuss other issues freely. Ana thanked him with her eyes.

After the visit, both went back to office. As soon as the others went into the office, Rahul stopped Ana, "What's with the whole hugging thing back there? I am not comfortable with hugging strangers. Next time you start something like that please let me know in advance."

"Wow Mr Shah! You need advance notice for hugging orphan kids?" She glared at him angrily and felt stupid for thanking him before.

"Hey, don't you glare at me like that! Looks like you are very fond of hugs ...", he caught her hand and pulled her towards him and held her by her waist.

He tried to pull her into him for a hug, but she resisted by trying to move away from his grasp.

The office door opened suddenly, "Oops .... sorry! . . . Once you kids are done, come to the car, we are done here." Mandy spoke, trying to look away, walking past them towards the car.

"Nothing ..." Both of them replied same time and then looked at each other. Ana was still glaring at him and he was smirking.

Rahul asked the driver to stop by Le Bernardin, his favorite French restaurant, for lunch. While lunch was being served, Mandy asked them about their thoughts regarding the orphanage.

"Looks pretty standard setup to me and those kids do need help, so we just need to decide on the amount and let them know." Rahul replied.

"I know it is one of Ria's pet projects, do you want us to decide the amount or you would want her to decide? "

"No, you decide. She will get her chance in future." Rahul replied looking at Ana, but she kept her head down, looking at her food, not giving him any chance to know her feelings.

"What about you Ana? What do you think?"

"I am good" she replied still looking at her food.

"Hmm ... I need your honest opinion and you need to tell me looking at me" She was sure Ana had few things to say about the visit.

"I just have a few observations. The facility seems to be very new, so lot of kids have been brought over from other orphanages, so you need to look at how many kids actually are going to stay here."

"Are you accusing them of trying to fool us by showing more numbers?" Rahul asked seriously.

"I am just telling my observations because Mandy asked" She replied.

"Are you sure? You seemed pretty happy hugging all those kids. Why would you want to undercut the donation amount by bringing up an accusation or are you doing this because you dislike Ria and this is her pet project? "

Ana looked at both Mandy and Rahul, who were keenly waiting for her to answer, "I did talk to those kids and looking at everything, I have a feeling that they brought in more kids to get a bigger amount from us. Giving a big cheque does not mean kids are going to get that money, it will just go into someone else's pocket."

"And how do you know these things? Are you an expert in orphanages? What kind of qualifications do you have to make such statements? " Rahul got angry, as he thought, she didn't prove her case yet.

"I don't have any qualifications, but I can understand how those kids feel and how things are run by these charities." She replied angrily.

"ammit. .. you are talking as if you are an orphan and went through such situations!!" Rahul retorted back.

The statement hit Ana like a grenade. The feelings and memories, she kept inside bottled, exploded within her. She couldn't stop the flood of tears, so she pushed her chair away and walked towards the nearest door.

"OMG !!!!" Mandy whispered.

"Ma, I am sorry, I had no clue. Let me get her." Rahul got up to go behind Ana.

"No, you done enough damage. Get the car, I will bring her around." Mandy hurried to catch up with Ana.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Why I can't love

Episode 2
He requested for a bottle of Stone Beer with two wine glasses. One for me and one for him. I told him I was not used to taking alcohol but he insisted that I should take it. He said the alcohol content in that particular drink was low so I shouldn't worry. I told him not to do anything nasty in case I get drunk. He promised me that nothing would happen. We were served with the drink and he took it first. I joined him with my glass halfway full. We watched people dance and converse about a whole lot of issues. After taking about one-third of my glass, he was saying I was talking too loud. But I didn't realized it myself. I was enjoying how the people were dancing..in fact I could sense some fun within me. I laughed over little little things that people were doing. I stood up and started dancing so I asked him to also stand so that we go do the dance. All this while I never knew I was getting drunk. He brought his chair close to mine and told me that he feels I was getting drunk so we should leave the place. I told him he was rather drunk and not me. Seriously I was getting sexually aroused. I asked him to give me a kiss even as we were seated. He refused and said that was not the right place for that. "For Christ's sake Esther let's get going, It's late too " he said. I told him to allow me finish my glass so that we go. I took about two-third of the glass. There and then, I realized my vision was becoming somehow blurry. I held his hands to the dancing floor so that we dance. Under normal situations I wouldn't have done that because I was the shy type. I never knew I was among hundreds of people. I demonstrated all my dancing skills that night. Seriously I can't remember all that which went on when we were dancing but I felt that Richmond fingered and kissed me which increased my level of arousal. The next thing I noticed was that I was sleeping beside him on a hotel bed the following morning around 7am. " Richmond what did you do to me? And what are we doing here? Where are we at all? " I asked all these questions looking surprised and ashamed. He said we were at a hotel and we did have fun. " Meaning you took advantage of me when I got drunk? Were you not the one that promised me that you won't take advantage of me? Am highly disappointed in you. How could you? " I said angrily. He said I requested for it. I quickly dressed up and we left the hotel to campus. People who saw us at the club said I was more than crazy that night especially in the course of dancing. They even said I vomited on the floor which I wasn't aware of. Alcohol is to be taken on a full stomach and not on empty stomach. I didn't eat any proper food that day before taking the drink that was why I needed to vomit and the rate of unconsciousness too becomes high when you take alcohol on empty stomach. The best is to eat heavily before taking it. When I got to the hall, the hall prefect asked me where I slept the previous night. I lied to her that I went home after the paper. She said she saw me at the club with her friend's boyfriend. I felt a shock upon hearing that. I was quiet because I couldn't believe my ears. She asked if she was lying. I remained silent. She then threatened of letting everyone know what I did if I do not respond to her questions. I said she was not telling lies but the guy was my guy and not for any other person. She laughed at me and said, "lover girl, how can you come to school for your first time and start dating? Then by the time you leave this school, you might have dated even the principal " she said jokingly. She said I should give her 50ghc to treat everything as a secret or else she would punish me and disgrace me at assembly. I gave her the only money I had, which was the Ghc50 and there she said I will remain her friend. She took the money and squeezed my breast. This lady would be a lesbian I said to myself. Richmond called in the afternoon and said I should meet him under a tree which we normally referred to as lovers tree because you mostly see couples there. He apologized for what happened but I asked him not to worry. He thanked me and I confronted him with what the prefect said about he having another lady but he denied it and said he ever proposed to the person but she didn't accept. So I shouldn't take the prefect's words seriously. He gave me Ghc100.00 to use as transportation when going back home. My love for him grew up again so that evening instead of me leaving, i went to spend the night at his place. All his roommates left so we had the whole room to ourselves. To be honest I never wanted him to stop that night because I really enjoyed it. He entered me without any protection. I phoned my parents that there was a program on campus which I was attending so I will come home in two days time. Richmond was also around to help me finish that semester well. I actually missed him when i went home. Thirty(30) minutes wouldn't pass without us talking on phone. We kept repeating the ever enticing 'I love you and I love you too' as if one was not enough to make the other partner know that he or she is loved. It was just a month break but it looked like a year to me. I just wanted to go back to school to see my Richmond. After the long wait, we got back to school. After some few weeks into the second semester, Richmond's behaviour towards me began to change. He will complain of one thing or the other, always giving excuses for not picking up my calls or replying my messages on time. Least did I know that Richmond was just in for fun and nothing but fun. Is this ship heading for a wreck? I asked myself.

Follow me to the next episode to find out.

Episode 3 will come




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Nani alisema??? [Read it]


mmmmh........!!!!!







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-04 19:43:35

686 Views




BROKEN SEAL
EPISODE 37

*on the phone*
Nikky: hello sweet heart.
Me: (aaaarhhg) hi samuel, how
are you doing?
Nikky: what the hell are you
saying? Its me, Nikky.
Me: your car broke down
again?
Nikky: are you crazy? Well i
called to inform you that our
daughter is now with me.
Me: i’m really sorry sam, i
don’t know of any
mechanic….okay..catcha…take
care of your baby, car i mean,
bye.
I hung up immediately, wow i
pulled up that act without
thinking? I think i’d be a good
actor!
Me: (changing the topic) that
was samuel…. I can’t stop
imagining walking down the
aisle with you, in this church,
on our wedding day.
Ella: (dragging me to the alter)
lets give it a practice.
Me: yeah!!!
We walked to the alter, i held
her both hands while she
closed her eyes.
Me: from the day i met you,
everything about me became
special, know why? ‘coz you’ar
very very special.
I was scared i’d loose you to
our little misunderstanding.
I was scared i’d go to the
grave missing you but fate
proved me wrong.
We’ar meant to be Ella.
I love you beyond measure, my
love for you is deeper than the
ocean waters, it towers like the
mountains, i love love you!
Ella: (smiling) i love you more
Isaiah.
You taught me the language of
love, in you i found true
happiness, peace and joy.
Your name is and would
forever be engraved in my
heart, nothing can wipe it,
except if my heart stops
beating.
I don’t know what to say ‘coz
there is only one word left in
my word bank, which is “love”
i love you honey.
With that, she opened her eyes.
We hugged tightly for ‘hours’
you know that feeling you get
when you find that important
thing you thought you’d lost?
Ahah that was what i was
feeling.
The moment was more than
magical, i can’t find words to
qualify it.
We got locked in a hot kiss!
(in the church?! Well who
cares)
we quickly disengaged when
we heard someone clearing his
rough throat.
The priest!!! I knew ‘coz he was
clad in his priestly wear.
Ella: er…hi….sorry priest.
Priest: its nothing, i understand
that kinda feeling.
Me: (hahaha you do? Too bad
you can’t get married *tongue
out*) uhm sire, do you mind
blessing us?
Priest: no i don’t…lets pray….
Me: just a sec.
I held Ella’s left hand and
removed the engagement ring
from her finger.
Me: this ring symbolizes the
love i have for you.
This may not be the perfect
time, and i know we may still
go through alot (NIKKY!!!)
look at this ring, see how
round it is?
So it if for us….we may go
through tought times but good
news is our love would never
reach its breaking point.
I love you…..
Priest: remain blessed.
We left the church happily.
Me: hang on, how did you
know i was here?
Ella: i actually came to your
house unfortunately you
weren’t home.
A neighbour told me she saw
you walking into st. Michael
church.
Me: (smiling) wanna go home?
Ella: yup, i have some articles
to write.
Me: lets take you home.
I flagged down a cab and we
hopped in.
*************************************
I came back home feeling
overwhelmed, i’ve never been
this happy.
I wasn’t in planet earth
anymore. The thought of
having Ella back and even re-
proposing to her before a
priest all got me crazy!
I thanked Isabella for her help,
we also had a mini party, of
drinks and loud musics.
Trust Isai, she drank to
stupor!!!!
At around 11pm, i retired to
bed, leaving Isai to battle with
her bottle of drinks.
I laid on the bed feeling
marvelous, i almost forgot
about Nikky and her ‘child’ not
until she reminded me
devilishly with a devilish text
message, asking to meet in her
house tomorrow.
Hope shes not being cunny?
Why can’t she let me be?
I finally resolved to go, ‘coz i
want to tell her my mind, its
gonna be hard but truth is i
don’t love her!!!!!

>>

One day Akpos decide to visit U.s.a. The biggest problem he ever had is that he don't know how to speak english, he have a friend his name is "JOHN"
Akpos went to john's house and told him that he is traveling to u.s.a, but he don't know what to say when he arrive in u.s.a.
John advice Akpos and tells him that when he reach at u.s.a, anything that police man ask him let him answer "YES OFFCUS"
Akpos replied Ok, next morning he start his journey to u.s.a

Akpos arrived in U.S.A, at the airport....
THE POLICE MAN: sir you must be a black man from nigeria?

AKPOS: "YES OFFCUS!!"

THE POLICE MAN: Your name must be mr Akpos right?

AKPOS: "YES OFFCUS!!"

THE POLICE MAN: Hope you did enjoy your flight?

AKPOS: "YES OFFCUS!!"

One old man came to akpos and ask.....

OLD MAN: You must be the black man that stole my car yesterday?

AKPOS: "YES OFFCUS!!"
one word for akpos
this is how akpos were arrested and put to jail

click like, and comment for more jokes. From soft-joe


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-18 18:43:33

589 Views




EPISODE 21
Blinding rays of early morning sun hit her
face and
she opened her eyes.
She rose and folded her Ghana-Must-Go
which she
had used as pillow to her belly.
She put one palm to her mouth and
yawned. Her
head ached badly. It could have been
hunger.
She finally rose and picked her wrapper.
She must hurry to be sure she did not miss
her
bus again.
The only transport line she knew and
trusted was
‘The Young’ and because it’d taken quite a
time for
her to get the direction to the park
yesterday,
she’d missed the last bus.
She was informed the last bus just loaded
and left
only some minutes ago.
All attempts made by the desperate bus-
loaders to
get her to enter another bus went futile.
Mma would not listen. She had come with
‘The
Young’, the same bus will take her back.
She finally spread her wrapper beside a
silent
vehicle when it was night and slept. When
she
gets to the village, she would tell any ear
that
cared to listen all about the city that never
sleeps.
On her way to the The Young’s station, she
saw a
food seller by the corner of the road. She
was very
hungry so she stopped.
About four coolers, each of various size and
color,
were on the table. The ones with stew or
soup had
oil stains on them.
Behind, two benches lay facing each other.
They
were occupied by loud hungry customers.
The food seller, a fair, fat lady in an oil-
stained
dark-blue apron was spooning rice, beans,
spaghetti, kpomo into plates, as the
customers
directed.
Often, a customer dropped an empty plate,
picked
a sachet of cold water or toothpick and
then paid
the woman before walking away.
Another would take the space.
The food seller handed the newest customer
a
plate of rice, beans and stew.
‘Madam, I said kpomo twenty-naira.’
‘Twenty-naira kpomo don finish.’
‘So? Who go come pay for this one?’
The woman jerked the plate from him and
transfered the kpomo into a plate.
Mma greeted her.
‘Morning.’
‘I wanting to buy rice.’
‘How much rice?’
‘Putting one plate for me.’
‘One plate, how much?’
Mma was confused.
‘Madam Fuji, give me seventy-naira rice,
thirty-
naira spaghetti and fifty-naira beans with
one
strong kpomo,’ a new customer that has
just sat
said.
When Madam Fuji finished with him, Mma
quickly
said,
‘Ok, putting seventy-naira rice and fifty-
naira
beans for me.’
The woman scooped some beans onto the
rice.
‘What else?’
‘Putting meat for me.’
‘Kpomo or beef?’
‘No, I not wanting canda. Putting meat.’
‘Anything else?’
‘Everything how much now?’
‘One-seventy.’
‘Ok. Putting plantain thirty-naira to
completing it
two-hundred.’
A customer shifted for her and she sat.
She had finished her food and drank some
water
before she opened the zipper of her bag to
bring
out money to pay.
She saw nothing.

>>

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where
you have plenty of room
at each side. With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand,
extend your arms
straight out from your sides and hold them there as
long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll
find that you can hold
this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato
sacks. Then try 50-lb
potato sacks and then eventually try to get to
where you can lift a 100-lb
potato sack in each hand and hold your arms
straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.) After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in
each of the sacks.#AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-30 05:19:30

484 Views




“I want to know him”
( You are welcome to another episode of this
story, I know you want to know what
happened to Dele and his family…let’s
continue…)

What a way to start a life,as Dele, his wife
and son slept in the prison without giving the
child a name. They were in that prison for
four(4) days. What a way to start a family
indeed. On the fifth day, the king arrived. He
came with foreigners who wants to trade for
the farm products in his store.
“Kaaaaabiesi ooo” all that servants at the
entrance welcomed him. The oldest of them
all said “kabiesi, you now have a princess”.
“Do you mean my wife has given birth” the
king asked joyfully. The king didn’t wait for
anyone one to answer, he went straight to
the queen’s room.
“Olori mi, iyawo mi, ololufe mi, I heard we
now have our own child” the king said with a
smile on his face. “What if we don’t have our
child, why did you just leave me like that? Its
not fair! Adeagbo, its not fair!” Sewa was
trying to express her anger and sadness. “I
know you have all the reasons to be angry,
but I’m sorry”. Adeagbo kissed his wife. They
brought the baby to him. “She is beautiful
just like her mother” Adeagbo said while
looking into the baby’s eyes and immediately,
he called the baby girl EWAADE. Adeagbo
called for another merriment with the people.
The people came again. (You will be thinking
these people are foolish, hmmm, No they are
not, they are just helpless. They have no
choice.)
During this merriment, the king’s attention
was called to the Dele and his family in the
prison. Adeagbo was drunk, he didn’t know
when he asked the guards to let them go.
Dele and his wife went straight to Sakin’s
house in case the king will later change his
mind. The king as usual sent the people
away when he tired of the noise around his
palace. The people continued to live in
hardship and operated under tyranny.
After five years, Dele and his wife alone
came back to OROPO, leaving their son
OGUNLANA in Araromi with Sakin. Life of
hardship continued. Have the gods forgotten
their promise? Why the delay?
Dele and Sade were becoming old, what a
love life they lived. They had to call
OGUNLANA to come and stay with them so
as to help them in cooking and to maintain
his father’s farm land. At this moment,
OGUNLANA was fifthteen. A handsome young
boy like his father.
EWAADE also has started commanding, but
there was something about her, she treated
all her servants like friends even though they
run errands for her because she had a soft
heart.
Ewaade followed her servants on their way
to the stream one day, it was a taboo for the
princess to go near a river or stream. It was
a rule used to protect her from danger.
Ewaade stood near a tree waiting for her
servant who has gone to the stream to fetch.
“What is taking them so long? Am tired and I
want to go home” Ewaade said to herself.
Ewaade kept on waiting. While was waiting
she saw a boy pluckin and gathering fruits
from a tree nearby. “Hey! You! Come here!”.
It was OGUNLANA. He answered and said ”
why are you calling me?”. “Don’t you know
me?” Ewaade asked “then please tell me who
are.” Ogunlana answered. Ewaade was
shocked, seeing a person to confront her for
the first time but she actually like his
confidence. “He is behaving like our guards”
she thought to herself. “What is your name?”,
“am Ogunlana” he replied. “Well am princess
Ewaade”. “Ye mo gbe” Ogunlana exclaimed
on his knees. “Your highness am sorry, I
didn’t know you were the one”. Ewaade
seeing a handsome boy, smiled and carried
ogunlana up on his feet. “There is no
problem” she said. And this was the time
her servants were passing. Ewaade waved
goodbye and followed them home. On their
way home, Ewaade asked the servants ” do
you anyone of you know that boy?”. All of
them replied. “We don’t”.”I want to know
that boy” Ewaade thought to herself.
Ogunlana immediately liked the princess but
he knows he is inferior to her. Because of
this Ogunlana will go and sit under the same
tree whenever he is less busy so as to see
the princess again.
The princess after some days sneaked out
of the palace to the tree where she met
Ogunlana. Ogunlana was there busy eating
the fruits he has gathered. “Hey! Am happy
to see you” said Ewaade. Ogunlana stood up
quickly and asked her to sit. Ogunlana
offered princess part of the fruits he
gathered. “Thank you very much, I will keep it
and eat it when I get to the palace” said the
princess. It was obvious that the two were
becoming intimate and even falling in love.
“See you later” the princess waved bye.
When the princess got home, she took out
the fruit and was to eat…. “What are you
doing? Where did you get that from?” The
king asked and the princess was shocked
and afraid…( Do you remember its a taboo to
harvest any crop to one’s self except if
permitted by the king. If she says its
Ogunlana who gave it to her, Ogunlana and
his parents will die. If she lies she will be
punished. What is that one statement that
will bring punishment to either princess or
Ogunlana? Follow this story to know what
will happen…tnx for your time…bye for now).


Don't Forget To Drop Your Comment

>> Part 5 -

About 50% of women have one breast that is larger than the other.Related

Sex is the ersatz or substitute religion of the 20th Century.

-Malcolm MuggeridgeRelated

Baby duck [Read it]


Teacher:if a baby goose is called GUSLING and a baby duck is called DUCKLING wots d name of a baby hen. Akpos:HELEN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-08 19:33:27

382 Views




A little boy was ordered to
pray in d night prayer.
boy:: I dont know how to
pray...
Dad:: just pray 4 every
thing u know in d family and
our neighbours. boy::Mummy, pls, tell Daddy
I cant pray.
Mummy:: shut up, if u dont
pray u'll not eat food in dis
house. Boy:: dad, tell sis to pray pls.
Dad:: my frd,
pray b4 i slap u
now.
Boy::'Dear Lord' he started..... ,
thank u for our visitors & their
children who come here to eat
our food, dont let them finish
all our food.
From today, any
boy who beats or slaps me in school, help me
to slap them
back. Forgive our driver who
i
always see naked with my sis
wrestling on d bed. Pls,
provide clothes to all the
naked ladies on my daddy's
phone. Dont let our house girl
put her mouth inside my
daddy's mouth again. Pls,
provide shelter for all the men who sleep in
Mum's room any
time dad travels. In Jesus
Name.'
Every body regretted ever
forcing him to pray
#YOURS_FEMZZY


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-15 10:21:05

147 Views




Santa: I sent love letters to my girlfriend everyday for 3 years.


Banta: Then what happened?


Santa: She married the ‘postman’!Related

Lara: what are we going to do now? She's not saying any other thing, I don't even think she know we are here.
Susan: it's okay. Everything will be alright.( she rises and turns to okonwo) please sir, is there anywhere we can spend the night in this village? I'm doctor, I think I can help your sister.
Okonkwo: well, even if you are not a doctor, you have brought home our daughter to us. Obiageli will prepare the hut for you to sleep in.
Lape: thank you very much, we are very grateful.
Obiageli: let me go and prepare the hut and also get you something to eat. You must be very hungry.
Lara: I should have just stayed back. We shouldn't have come here, we shouldn't have come to Nigeria at all. Now, I have a mother who sit in front of me yet doesn't see me, and a father who sees nothing wrong in molesting his own daughter. I don't understand any of these.
Susan: it's been a long day, Lara, you need to freshen up. Eat and have some rest.
Lape: yes my dear, the doctor is right. We will discuss this whole issue tomorrow. Who knows, there might be something we can do to help your mother's situation.(About a week later..,,......,)
Madea: dinner is ready Sir, should I serve your meal and bring it here?
Williams: no, I'll come to the table as soon as I'm through with these files. You may leave.
Madea: Actually sir, there is something I want to discuss with you, if you don't mind.
Williams: go on what is it?
Medea: sir, why don't you go to Nigeria and bring Lara back? Or at least check on her and make sure she is okay. After all, police investigation revealed that the doctor bought two tickets to Nigeria with her credit card and we have an idea where they might have gone to.
Williams: tell me Madea, is there a reason for this? Do you need to see Lara or something?
Madea: no sir, it's just that, we don't even know how she's fearing and what she is going through. She is your daughter and you should be concerned.
Williams: if she is my daughter and not yours, then I am not concerned and you shouldn't be too. So why not go back to your daily duties or maybe you are tired if working?
Madea: N-no sir, I'm sorry for taking your time, I will just go back to my work. ( she hurries out......)
Williams: doctor Susan, you better be ready when I come to Nigeria, I will make you pay for every bit if stress you made me go through to find my daughter....







NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Blood Test [Read it]


Akpos walks into a clinic to have his blood type taken. The nurse goes about taking the blood sample from his finger. 


After finishing, she looks around for a piece of cotton to wipe away the excess blood. She couldn't find the cotton wool, so she looks innocently at Akpos and takes his finger and sucks it.


Akpos is so pleased, then he asks with a wide smile on his face, "Please I desire to have a urine test done too."




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-07 14:12:47

239 Views



Bad to exposed [Read it]


Papa ...Son when you finish school what to start with first while waiting for white collar job?
Son ... Hmmmm dad I don already makes plans for dat
Papa .. Tell me what plans
Son ... Papa I don arrange gun finish with my friends
Papa ... What! Gun! to do what with it?
Son ..... To use it in the forth coming election
Papa .... Tell me to do what with gun
Son. ..... Papa I don tell you say I with be political thug so that I can make fast money
Papa ..... Political What?
Son ..... Papa Mr. Governor to be don promise me and you house and cars
Papa ... hahahahhaha in that case please am sorry three guns one for you and two for me. I like this business in fact I av been doing it
Son ..... papa papa papa I was just joking
Papa .... eeeeh eeeh what happened! I was dreaming




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-27 09:57:13

21567 Views




Akpos knocked on the gate of a brothel in a red light
district. The madam opened the brothel door to see a
young man called Akpos. His clothes were all tattered
and he looked needy.??
can I help you?” the madam asked.??
I want Onome,” Akpos replied.??
Young Man, Onome is one of our most expensive
ladies, perhaps someone else…”??
No, I must see Onome.” Akpos replied. Just then
Onome appeared and announced to Akpos that she
charges N50,000 per visit.??
Akpos never blinked and reached into his pocket and
handed her fifty pieces of N1,000 notes. The two went
up to a room for an hour whereupon Akpos calmly
left.
The next night he appeared again demanding Onome.
Onome explained that no one had ever come back
two nights in a row and that there were no discounts.
it was still N50,000. Again Akpos took out the money,
the two went up to the room and he calmly left an
hour later
When Akpos showed up the third consecutive night,
no one could believe it. Again he handed Onome the
money and up to the room they went.
At the end of the hour Onome questioned Akpos: “No
one has ever used my services three nights in a row…
where are you from?”??
Akpos replied, “I am from Warri.” “Really?” replied
Onome, “I have a brother who lives there and does
business.”??
Yes; I know,” Akpos replied. “He gave me N150,000 to
give to you.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-04 14:13:05

2388 Views



10 fishes [Read it]


If i have 10 fishes in a tank,if two(2) dies and three(3) swim away.how many do i have left in the tank?.#B-goF


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-30 20:09:23

1018 Views




“So what are you going to do with the baby you
carrying now?”
“That is simple, I will terminate the pregnancy”
She stepped out of the car
indignantly. “Terminate what?” I reiterated after getting down
from the car and walking towards her.
“Terminate the pregnancy of course. I won’t let a
bastard’s child come and ruin my life when I am
just getting into the peak of my modeling career.
Agencies and Companies are gradually getting to hear the buzz of Shantel Tamakloe. Do you know
that very soon; I won’t have to work my ass off
anymore, clients will be calling me for jobs and I
seriously need a Manager to help me manage that
kind of recognition.”
“Shantel, you are forgetting something so soon that the baby inside you has grown for eight
weeks and at this stage the embryo is already
formed, terminating the pregnancy would be
suicidal”
“I won’t die Merissa, I know someone who can do
it for me professionally without any worries” “I won’t stand here and listen to this on how you
venture on to take your precious life. Have you
forgotten the lives of your parent and the money
they had spent on your education so you can
become somebody and at the end they could
have someone to benchmark on and be proud of or have you forgotten also we your friends;
Askaline and I and what will happen to us if you
are gone?” I stormed at her. “Seize being delusional” She flared “Nothing will
happen to me, how many times do you want me
to say this” I entered the car and she hopped in and we drove
off from the beach. Less than a week past, I didn’t hear from Shantel.
Askaline was at my place and I had brief her with
what Shantel plans were; to get rid of an eight
weeks baby which is totally suicidal. Askaline got
worried and we decided to go to her place and
watch our dear friend and if possibly we can talk some senses into her head or at least we shall be
there to stand beside her on anything she
chooses to do. We got to her exquisite condo and we were
ushered in by a stranger.
“Hello, are we at the right house? Is this Shantel
apartment?” So many question thrown to the
stranger.
“And who might be asking?” He arrogantly asked Shantel screamed from inside, “David let them in;
they are my friends”
We walk past him and sat on the sofa in the living
room waiting for Shantel to come and explain to
us what was really going on.
“Hello Girlfriends! How are you doing?” She was in a cheerful state wondering what was wrong with
this lady. Has she gone to do the abortion? She
was holding a tray
which had fruit juice and glasses on it and she
was almost about to open the juice when
Askaline and I chorused together “Don’t open it, we are fine”
“Oh so you come to my house and you don’t
want to take anything I offer you” She rolled her
eyes sitting on her couch
“I am sure you’ve met David” She pointed at him.
“Yes and he was very rude, who is he by the way” I asked staring at him with my evil eyes.
“He is my new Manager; he will be handling all
my clients and getting hot jobs for me with high
net worth companies that I can’t tap” “David please meet my friends; Merissa and
Askaline from the University of Ghana”
pointing at us respectively. David took some steps
and brought out his hands for a warm hand
shake and we shook hands and exchanged
pleasantries. “It nice meeting you David, so what do you do
before you suddenly became a Manager to our
dear friend” I asked.
“Well, I have managed quite a few models and
they have rose to become a star in their various
fields” David said. “Can you mention a few?” I asked sternly
“Common stop this, why are you chastising him? I
believe in David and together we going to rise to
platinum” Shantel cut in.
“Shantel that is not the reason why we were even
here” Askaline finally spoke out “We would need your privacy from this stranger” I
chipped in
“David, can you be sweet to excuse us for a
minute?” David walked outside and shut the door
behind him. “What have you done to your pregnancy? We
didn’t hear anything from you. We know that no
matter the talking we say right now won’t even
change your mind on this matter so what are your
plans now?”
Shantel heaved a great sigh “I am keeping the baby”
“What! I didn’t get that right” I pretend not to
have heard the first time.
“I said I am keeping the baby. After a long
deliberation, I have decided to give birth to the
child and when the child is finally born into this world, I will give it to a Baby Adoption Agency to
have her best taken care of and given to those
parent who are desperately in need of a child”
Happiness enshrouded our face as we all got
mushy and took a warm hug together.
“Dear, you are doing the right thing. You can still go to school while carrying your pregnancy and
before you know it we shall be in our third year
and the baby will be long gone and history”
Askaline uttered
“Now, tell us how did you meet that guy David?
You have been on this issue of getting a Manager but I never thought it will be this fast”
“I met David two days ago in a club and we hit
the groove as we almost clicked in everything
after we exchanged conversations for hours and I
told him I was looking for a Manager and he said
wow, he had managed quite a few models in his prime time” “How can you say you meet someone in a club
and you already showering him all your trust”
Askaline questioned
“Don’t worry girlfriends, I am okay with David. He
is such a perfect gentleman and he is very
intelligent too. You see that is why I have the best friends in the whole world.
You girls worry too much about me”
“Why won’t we? If you are taking a wrong step, is
it not our obligation to always tell you not to step
there?” I fumed.
“Yes, you are right my dear friends, but I am doing the right thing on this one. I promise you
that. I just want David to get me the petty jobs I
could do to sustain my living before my stomach
protrudes and I won’t be able to take any job
offer”
“Okay Shantel” We all got mushy again and hug again for minutes until David bumped in.I was clad in a white wedding gown and holding
a bouquet of flower waiting for the procession to
take me in. The cliché song began and my dad
appeared on my right side and held my hand and
kissed me on my cheeks, then we walked down the aisle in a slow motion while the stare of
everyone at me with awe and finally I saw my
groom. Who might be my groom? Wondering in my
thoughts, having ambivalent feelings as to the
groom’s identity, looks familiar but wasn’t sure,
he unveiled my cloak and I stared at his face
squarely and it was Kofi grinning with his white
teeth. Then I woke up! “What sort of nightmare was that?” I murmured
“I won’t get married to Kofi not in this life and not
even in my dreams. I rebuke every thought of me
walking down the aisle to meet Kofi” I forgot my
murmuring had gotten audible till the extent that
Askaline woke up then she asked “What’s wrong with you?
“Why are you talking in your sleep?”
“I had a nightmare, saw myself about to get
married to Kofi”
“Isn’t that a good thing” She teased
“Ah! Askaline, are you okay?” “Sorry, was just teasing you. Go back to sleep and
we would talk about it in the morning” We had resume back at school and everything
was going smoothly until of course having this
nightmare had gotten me infuriated. On a bright
morning, we all did our normal routine, chores
and headed out for lectures, after lectures went
straight to Tym-Out restaurant and waited for my friends to come around so we could ramble and
bite anything we could find and in no time
Shantel appeared. “Hello Girlfriend” She walked with a lady by her
side. I had no idea who the lady was.
She took a seat beside me and the lady stand
which I told her to take a seat.
“So who is this lady Shantel?”
“Her name is Abena and she is in my class. She had been looking at us from a distance and
envious of our clique and was hoping if she could
join.”
“But Shantel; this isn’t a club that you need to
register before you join” I sniggered.
“Merissa, you forgetting something here, she draws closer to me and whispered into my ears
that Abena will be good for our plan”
I nodded in affirmative, “You are right girlfriend”
“Abena, my name is Merissa and we also have
another friend but she is not around now; her
name is Askaline so I want you to feel comfortable with us”
Abena nods back in assent.
We order for soda and snacks while we sip for a
little while then Askaline showed up.
“How are you girlfriend” Shantel asked
“I am good and who might this be” Askaline asked. “This is Abena and she would love to join our
coterie” Shantel uttered
Askaline burst into laughter – raucous laughter. “I
didn’t buy any registration forms to become your
friends. Did I?” laughing hysterically.
She gazed at Abena throwing torrents of questions at her. Abena answered all her question
to Askaline’s satisfaction while she ordered for
her drink.
Shantel phone rang, “And who might that be
calling you” Askaline asked
“It is David” “So what, he won’t also let you be in your private
life” I scoffed
“Don’t say that girlfriends, he probably wants to
know my whereabouts or there might be a job
offer for me”
She picked and spoke to David and after a while she was done and hung up.
“I got good news girlfriends; I have gotten a new
job”
“Really! So soon” I asked, in the process to spew
my drink that was almost gulping down my
throat. “Yes and this call for a celebration. Waiter, a bottle of champagne in order please”
We rambled for a little while and we left the
place.
During the weekends, I called Abena to meet me
up at a spot in the campus and she showed up.
“Abena, I have a deal for you and I want you to do this for me with all sincerity and I promise you
that I will be at your tail watching you closely.”
She flinched and responded, “What is required of
me shall be done to please you girls.” She said in
her quiver voice.
“There is this man, I will like you to hook up with him and I want you to be very smart, What did I
say, very smart because he himself is very smart”
“Okay, I will” I brought the contacts from my bag and told her
what she really needs to do when she is speaking
to him. I grabbed her phone and dialed the
number and gave it to her and they spoke for
minutes and finally she hung up.
“So how was it? Was he playing along?” “Yes he was, we have fixed an appointment as he
said he doesn’t like doing business with strangers
on the phone. He would love to have lunch with
me and discuss with me the terms” Abena
responded.
“Okay, that’s great for a start” ONE WEEK LATER
The lunch date was set and I had groom Abena,
changed her wardrobe as her clothes was getting
tawdry and also if she truly wants to join our
clique; this led me to that.
I drove her to the venue and I was amazed; Sarpong was already there waiting for Abena to
show up being in a haste as he frequently
glanced at his wrist watch. I pointed at him and
told Abena, that is your date. “Just go and have
fun and be smart and don’t say yes to anything he
tells you but also use your discretion so you won’t sound cheap.” She gently stepped down from the
car and walked into the restaurant where Sarpong
was and I was watching them from afar. Pleasantries were exchange as they smiled all
through the night while I just watched and plan
my next move. I grabbed my phone and dialed
Madam Tawiah.
“Madam Tawiah, How are you doing?”
“Merissa, I am good and I haven’t heard from you in a long time”
“Madam Tawiah, the reason why I called is to tell
you that I have sighted Brian Williams”
She was like “Where is he, where are you now, tell
me where he is so I can send my patrol team to
that area to apprehend him immediately” “Madam Tawiah, take it easy, have you forgotten
that we have no evidence on the man. If I allow
you to come and pick him up, within thirty
minutes, he will be bailed out.”
She saw my point and said, “So what are you
doing Merissa. I hope you are doing the right thing. Whatever you do, don’t put the law unto
your own hands”
“Don’t worry Madam Tawiah, I got this covered
and when the time finally comes, I will call you to
come and arrest him and this time, he will be
sued and jailed” I stormed. After a while, I was drifted to sleep and I got a
bang on the door of the car and Abena hopped in.
“So how did it go?”
“That man sure has his ways to pamper a
woman”
“I bet he does” I replied. “He has invited me to a Yacht party coming next
week Sunday”
WHAT! My jaw dropped?


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital.
The doctor looked her over and told them it would be a rather difficult delivery.
 He offered to let the couple try an experimental procedure.
The woman would be connected to a machine that would transfer part of the pain to the father of the baby, thus reducing her own.
The man quickly agreed. The doctor warned him, though, that there was a slight error in the machine that caused it to amplify the pain sent to the father by ten times, and if the pain became too much for to bear would he please let the doctor know.
The doctor turned on the machine and watched the man. The man said he felt absolutely fine and he could take more.
The doctor turned the dial up to 40, 60, 80, and finally 100% of the pain, times ten. The woman delivered the baby painlessly and the doctor stared at the man, astonished at how he could not even flinch with that much pain brought upon him. The couple took the new baby home. There, in their compound, the gateman  lay dead.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-13 09:41:07

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