Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Teacher : Who can state one diff between a Bird and a Fly ? ..
Akpos : A bird can fly, but a fly cannot bird.

-------

Girl: I'm warning you , my Mummy
is coming back soon ..
AKPOS : But I'm not doing anything ..
Girl : That ' s why I' m warning you .


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-19 12:06:40

2793 Views




A guy was chatting with a girl on
Whatsapp... GUY: So what are you doing now? GIRL: I'm On bed. GUY: Doing what? GIRL: Eating corn flakes. GUY: What would you do if I was on bed
with you? GIRL: Eat my corn flakes GUY: No, I mean if there is no corn flakes
and I'm on bed with you all alone. GIRL: I would go out to buy corn flakes.
#BOLLY_SMART ?? ? ? ? ? ??™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-18 02:06:20

615 Views




Episode 19

Rhythms and blues where being played at the background. It was a wonderful moment, every lady at the party was putting on a pink long gown and all the men were in black suit. Jackline was the master of ceremony. I gave her that position because she was lively. So many prominent people attended and i was amazed myself. Politicians, business tycoons, as well as Leg students, after two hours, the engineer was still not present and i was feeling uncomfortable on my seat. My dad was called to address the occasion. Seriously, i was restless on the seat, the program will end soon. Did he really mean what he said? ” she is my only daughter and i love her very much” i heard my father say. But really, i didn’t know my dad had alot of politicians as friends. I had no doubt that he was into politics now. There. There he was, in his white suit. My GOD, he was looking so nice. I took a deep breath. But then someone also followed in a white suit as well. Who the herk was that? The face, its asif i knew the face. No matter who is could be, he spoilt everything. The engineer and i would have been the only people in white but he messed everything up. ” she is now the owner of this house and the owner of Hagan company, a younger billionaire and a lawyer. I present to you, Beautiful Hagan” i heard my dad introducing me when i came back to my senses. Everyone was on their feet clapping to welcome me. I was so excited. I was only 25years old and this great people are saluting me? Wow. I couldnt even utter a word, my dad surprised me big time and i couldn’t find a way out of the shock. ” i don’t know how to begin, my dad really got me this time round” i said into the Mic with a deep breath. He was seated with the engineer and he looked into my eyes, it was really deep. I had to stare else where to avoid it. “aw im sorry” “its okay” “im also a law student” “alright later” i recalled the past moments. He was the guy i bombed into, on my way to class. But…. “hei, Hagan you are on stage” i said within me and continued with my speech. ” i owe my happiness to my mother, beautiful Mabel, i love you Mabel. Concerning the company, even though i didn’t see it coming, i will do everything within my strength to make things better. I won’t let you down Mr Hagan” i said looking at my dad with a smile. “to my girlfriends, i love you guys soo much and i cant do without you. Finally, i dedicate this birthday to the man im patiently waiting to respond “yes i do” to his question. I give thanks to my maker GOD almighty and thank you ladies and gentlemen for celebrating this day with me” i ended and threw a kiss to the crowd, i kiss i sent out of love to my engineer. I saw his companion speaking into his ears after the speech.
Now lets get the party started. Congratulations and happy birthday wishes through out the night, gifts here and there. My dad introduced me to his friends and come of their children as well. “im sorry, ” i heard Hanson from behind. I turned and looked at him with anger and left him standing. I saw my dad hugging the engineers companion with so much delight, what could be going on? How did my father get to know him?

>>

Three generations of Bachchans – BigB, WannaB, and now BayB.Related

IGBO KWENU [Read it]




An Ibo man died,at the hospital bed the children were praying and crying to God to bring back their father ,after so much crying and praying the man sneezed and move his head and then open his eyes,wow! the children started praising God,,,He looked at all of them and called Chima,Okechukwu­,,Eme­ka,nduka,­Amaka: all of U are here??
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Onye nor na Shop?
Igbo Kwenu 


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-19 15:20:54

479 Views



The toy [Read it]


Akpos, a father of five, won a toy at a raffle. He was confused on which of his kid he will give the toy. So he decides to call them, "Who is the most obedient?" he asks "Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?... Who answers immediately she calls and who begs her when in need of something."


Five small voices answered in unison. "Okay, dad, you get the toy."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-22 17:47:01

290 Views




Be happy in the moment, that’s enough. Each moment is all we need, not more.

~ Mother TeresaRelated

AYOMIDE'S ADVENTURE****EPISODE 19

After eating her up,I f*ck her once
again until she was satisfied,I stood up
and went to shower,I put on my clothes,she
Just took her bath and went to sleep,
she was really very exhausted,but I am not
exhausted,so am still strong like strong itself,
I headed outside to see maybe tomilola might
still be dancing in the club,I saw her from
faraway,her case don worst o,I went closer to
meet her,I bring her out of the dancing stage
and sit her down,we talk for some several
minutes,then this feelings come to me to
kiss her,I do it,I brought her closer to me,
Place my lips with hers,and my tongue was
dancing inside her mouth,she is really a
professional in this aspect,abi this one
go be a professional on bed also?...I thought...
But I can't just S#X again this time
around,I don't have the courage to do it
anymore,make I shift am to another day
was what I concluded at...so I told her
to move to her room and sleep,she
was really horny,cause of that romance,
She needs sex but am not ready to give
It to her,could it be that this girls already
want me inside them before today?...e
Everything that happened there
just seems like a miracle,like it was
in my dream,I sex bolanle and roughly
romance Tomilola,am only left out
with esther,but I no get the liver to enter
esther room because she looks very hard,
I no want wetin go fuck me up,I wan dey
Do my thing jeje(small small).
I went upstairs together with tomilola,
I watch her entering her room,I enter my room,
Luckily I still find Francisca deeply asleep,
this thing worry her a lot o,make I just
dey Ask God for forgiveness,but do I love
Francisca??,is that why I refused to molest
her?,is getting her drunk the best thing
I could do for her?,normally if she wasn't
drunk I would have sex her because she
really loves me,I don't even know how
she will react if she learnt that I slept with
her friend,but who cares??,if she wanna leave
me make she leave,but I just pray make
I no fall in love with francisca like I do
with dolapo.
I lay down on the bed that night,I couldn't
Sleep,was thinking about how bolanle will
felt the following day if she is in her right
senses,will she hate me?,or will she tell her
friend about this?,but that is out of the question
she no fit tell her friend jor...after few minutes
I slept off,around 2:30 am of feb 15,I slept late
so its a must I woke up late,francisca woke up
Before me,she already took her bath and
was prepared to leave at any time when she
wake me up,it was around 7:30am,I was still
dizzy,but I struggle hard and went to took
my bath,everyone was ready,I haven't see those
girls,my friend olamide already left with the
babe she brought,I told francisca to go and bring
her friends,still feeling shy to face them,but
why I be man self,I summon up some courage
to face them,we all meet ourselves at the hotel
gate,they were all looking very bright,with make-ups,I come look their eyes,they were like
nothing as ever happen between us,both
Bolanle and tomilola were smiling very nice
when facing me,they just behave normally
as they always do,I was surprised,this girls
na confirm girls o...
Hmmm,I also just bone am,I greet everyone
one of them as we headed back to where we come from
Its just a 30 minutes journey,I haven't go to
my house directly
I went together with my francisca,and the other
girls to their house
As I reach their house,I was really hungry,and
I believe they are also very hungry because of
that alcohol they took,but I notice esther was
In a different mood,she doesn't seems like she
was drunk yestanyt,but maybe she was stronger
than the other girls in terms of alcohol was all
I could think,hmm,my francisca was already in
the kitchen after 15 minutes of our arrival,
darn it!,I don't like to see this other girls
face for the time being,I still dey fear,its my
first time of doing this kind of thing,I still
be learner when it comes to cheating on a
a girl,after several minutes of cooking,
My francisca finally come to me,bringing
to the dinning table,she cooked rice,I ate it
with great satisfaction,I love the food,
francisca was just very good in all aspect,
I believe she would also be good on bed like
this...don't love her..my mind told me once
Again...
TO BE CONTINUED....

>>

A futo guy boards a bus from port
harcourt to owerri. He pleads the conductor
to help him, that he had only N500 wit him whereas
the fare is N800, and the conductor
agreed to help him since it looks like he's stranded.
Midway into d journey, d futo guy man called a lady
selling gala n bought two. He Called another boy n
bought sprite. He paid them with a
N1000 note, and got a balance of
N800. 30 mins later he called another
hawker n bought chips of N100 plus
another drink, paid with another N1000, got another
balance of N800.
Now, when it was time to pay the
conductor 4 bus fare, He brought out another
N1000 note.
if you were the conductor,
what will you do. Be sincere.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-23 19:25:47

259 Views




The sharp cry shook the entire lodge,
frightening me tremendously. My heart
furiously pounded. The day of reckoning
finally has arrived.
I waited for few minutes in my room as I
tried so hard to compose myself. Just like
other students, I had to check out the cause
of the cry and noise coming from downstairs.
I wished I had traveled, but truly it was very
bright of me to stay put in the lodge instead of
traveling, because I had to be around in
order to follow events and plan ahead.
Moreover the hostel was a large one but it
never stopped students who lived in it from
knowing each other’s habit and as I hardly
traveled.
Who knows I could be suspected. Yes I was
so scared that I felt every step I took could
lead anyone to suspect me even
though I was far from being one of the hostel
terrors nor cultists who could easily be
suspected as the hand behind such a deadly
act.
I drank a glass of water before heading out
of my room. I slowly headed downstairs,
towards where I dumped Nmeka’s body days
ago. You can’t imagine how nervous and
scared I was as I slowly made my way to that
place.
Hundreds of students were already at the
staircase when I got there.
Students from the
neighbouring hostels alike. I greeted some of
my neighbours who told me of the terrific
discovery. I pretended to be shocked and
forced my way to the front of the crowd.
After a little struggle, I succeeded in getting
close to Nmeka’s body which was already
pulled out from the staircase. The poor girl
was now lying just some steps away from
where she was originally dumped, looking
pale as ever. I drew a bit close as if I was
very concerned.
“Do you know her?” a girl quickly asked
me. I turned to see almost everyone staring
curiously at me. I swallowed hard with
tension. My guilty conscience shook me like
an earthquake. “What?” I stammered. “Do you
know her?” the hostel president asked, before
the girl could repeat her question. “Hell no.
That’s exactly what I came to check” I
managed to reply, dashing all their hopes.
“Nobody knows her. She has no I.D card or
anything” the girl who asked the first question
explained, while I shrugged, saying nothing.
The relief I felt as I heard the girl’s
explanation was quite enormous. I really had
feared the question was asked with suspicion.
However I still feared the worst was yet to
come. I knew there must surely be a
scapegoat. A sacrificial lamb who will be
blamed for such a horrible crime. Who will it
be?

>> Page 7 -

Akpos was in his flat and heard the landlord shouting he came down 2 knw d mater.
Akposga landlord waz d problem
landlord:is not that foolish musa,he impregnated my daughter where is he,i must kil him.
Akpos:he is foolish indeed 4 impregnating ur daughter.i have been sleeping with ur wife for years,bt av u heard dat i got her pregnant.
What d u think dat wil hapen 2 Akpos


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-23 18:52:35

395 Views




Even when laws have been written down, they ought not always to remain unaltered.Related

their life have taken a new point of view;they live a different life from what they had in the city but then life must goes on weather good or bad with family or without family and those they left behind will they be able to live without them. the question is that will they be able to adjust to their new life and stay together

Stephanie: Joy;where is my brother
Joy: he has gone to the farm with my brother
Stephanie: alright;do you know where it is?
Joy: yes
Stephanie: alright;please take me there
Joy: what do you want to do there?
Stephanie: he left very early and i know he might be hungry now;so i thought of bringing food to him
Joy: do you really want to go there?
Stephanie: yes
Joy: alright after you
Stephanie: let me get the food
Joy: no problem

Georgina: mother;
Rose: how are you?
Georgina: i am not fine
Rose: you have to be
Janet: my daughter how are you
Rose: i am fine
Blessing: mother;is it true that my brother is missing?
Rose: yes
Mercy: what happen to him?
Rose: is a long story
Janet: when my son told me;i was so frustrated so i have to come to Nigeria
Jackson: mother;what are you doing here?
Janet: my son is missing and you are asking what i am doing here
Jackson: i am sorry mother;i am sorry i wasn't able to take care of your son
Blessing: dad is okay;we will find my brother
Mercy: yes daddy;we will fine him
Janet: don't worry son;we will find him
Georgina: i know nothing will happen to him
Rose: i pray so

Christian: Joy;what are you doing here?
Joy: she said i should bring her here
Christian: why did you not stop her?
Stephanie: please; don't get mad at her,its all my fault
Desmond: Stephie
Stephanie: i brought you food
Desmond: it is dangerous out here;you would had waited for me at home
Stephanie: you might be hungry;so come eat something
Desmond: Stephie;i need to get this job done
Stephanie: that is why you need to eat something
Desmond: we are not allowed to rest that much
Stephanie: it wont take long;i can just feed you;so that it will be faster(he dragged him to sit and start feeding him)Christian come and eat
Christian: i will do that later
Stephanie: okay
Desmond: you are so stubborn
Stephanie: like you(he finish eating)you see it is fast
Desmond: thank you
Joy: lets go
Stephanie: you can go;i will wait for him
Joy: what?lets go
Stephanie: just leave me Here
Desmond: you have to go
Stephanie: don't worry;i wont distract you
Desmond: just go home
Stephanie: please
Desmond: you can't stay here
Christian: let her stay if she want to
Stephanie: thank you;Joy you can go home
Joy: alright(she walked away)
Stephanie: let me help you
Desmond: don't;you will get hurt
Stephanie: i can do it(she help them pack the dirty)
Christian: you are really stubborn(few hours later she felt asleep and they have to return home)your sister is sleeping
Desmond: yes
Christian: wake;so we go home
Desmond: don't worry;i will carry her(he carry her on his back and they walked home)
Christian: you really love your sister
Desmond: of cause I do


Rose: honey;where are you going to?
Jackson: i need to go to the police to see if they have any news from my son
Rose: alright;take care
Jackson: i will and do take care also
Rose: bye

Time: good morning ma
Stephanie: don't be funny,don't call me,ma
Time: i am sorry
Stephanie: what is your name?
Time: Time
Stephanie: Time
Time: yes
Stephanie: for real
Time: of cause
Stephanie: so why did your parents give you that name?
Time: i really don't know but mother used to say once their is time;everything you dream of will come to pass and that there is time for everything
Stephanie: of cause;it is with time that we get our freedom from those kidnappers;its really with time(tears roll her eyes)
Time: why are you crying?
Stephanie: I really wish i could go back to my parents
Time: is fine;you should be happy that at least you have a family that care about you
Stephanie: what about you?

Time: i don't;my mama and papa died in a fire accident before she died;she gave me to mama Naomi. since then i have been living like a slave and that is what they call me
Stephanie: oh my God!am sorry
Time: is alright;is not your fault(enter Joy)madam is coming,i have to go
Stephanie: will you wait(he held her hand)
Joy: TIME;will you go and prepare dinner?
Time: i go ahead ma
Stephanie: i will come with you
Time: alright
Stephanie: is my brother not back
Time: no

Brown: good day ma
Rose: how are you?
Brown: i am fine ma;i am calling to asked if there is any latest news about them
Rose: none for now;we are just praying and hoping for the best
Brown: we all we join hands to pray for them
Rose: alright
Brown: okay ma

Naomi: my daughter;are you not sleeping?
Stephanie: i am waiting for my brother
Naomi: just go to bed;them might not come back today till the next day
Stephanie: What?
Noami: yes;just go to bed
Stephanie: but he would had told me so
Naomi: just let him do this for the both of you
Stephanie: alright;just go ahead
Naomi: make sure you go inside on time
Stephanie: i will

Joy: Time;go and wash the clothes at the stream
Time: i will go ahead
Stephanie: wait;do you people have stream here?
Joy: yes;have you not see it before
Stephanie: no;i will like to see it;can i come with you?
Time: are you sure;you want to go?
Stephanie: of cause
Time: fine
Stephanie: of cause
Time: fine
Stephanie: shall we
Joy: wait;i will come with you two
Stephanie: whoa!this is beautiful
Joy: you like it?
Stephanie: of cause;but it is painful that i am scare of water
Time: you funny(she continue washing)
Joy: hurry up;the prince will soon be here
Time: that is true(she wash fast)here they are;lets go

Guard 1: everyone out of this place;the prince is here to take his bath
Time: come on;lets go Stephanie
Stephanie: why is everyone leaving?
Joy: did you not hear that the prince is coming?
Stephanie: if the prince is coming are we going to kill ourselves?can't he just do what he want to do and leave us alone
Time: you are not serious
Stephanie: i am
Guard 2: did you not hear him?i said leave(he pushed Joy & Time)
Stephanie: will you leave them alone (he slapped her and she fell into the water)help!somebody help me
Tom: what is your problem?(he jump into the water and draw her out)are you fine?
Stephanie: yes;lets go.
Tom: she is beautiful
Guard 2: my prince;are you fine?
Tom: i am fine;lets go stupid boys

Desmond: where are you coming from?
Stephanie: from the stream
Desmond: and why is your clothes all wet?
Stephanie: hmm
Desmond: can't you talk?Time;what happen to her?
Time: she felt into the stream because of the prince
Christian: what did the prince do to her?
Stephanie: he did nothing to me
Christian: tell us what happen?
Stephanie: i said nothing(she raise her voice)
Desmond: don't you dare rise your voice at me
Stephanie: what will you do;slapped me;call me names?i am used to it(she walked away)

Desmond: come back here
Christian: let her be,Time what happen?
Time: she refused to leave the stream when the prince's guard asked everyone to leave
Christian: what?

Time: yes;and the guard attack us and she fell inside the stream
Joy: and she began to drown
Desmond: what?
Time: she was rescue by the prince who jump into water and save her

Christian: thank God for once that prince act kind
Desmond: is he mean
Christian: i don't understand;Time,what did he say?
Time: he said,'if he is bad'
Christian: yes;he is;just tell her to be careful
Desmond: i will and please don't let her go with you whenever she ask to come along












NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Me:she tore my cloth,molested me, beat me and most of all harass
me.she took me upstairs and pushed me i fell and i don't knw wat happened next.(crying biterly)
Ellie:that bicth(angry)
Me:i can't move my legs
Elliecrying)Elfie am sorry
Me:what for
Ellie:your legs(pointing at my legs)
me:uhmm
Ellie:you can't use them again(still crying)
me:why?
ellie:it's...
I didn't allow her to finish before i broke down into tears
Me:what i ve done wrong
Ellie:it is well
Me:sis i won't walk again
Just then the doctor walked in
Doctor:how are you feeling
Me:horrible doc,i can't walk again
Doc:am sorry dear
Me:how will my life look like now,how do i cope,how will i face mum,my life is nothing but a peice ot trash,i just feel like dying
Ellie:no no your important to us
Me:who are the us
Ellie:Me,Dad,Eva And..
Meh please Mum hates me
Ellie:its ok(hugging me)
We both cried.rn2weeks later i was discharged,i now seats on a wheel chair.I was taken to Gerald's house.
Me:where is Niky
Gerald:she ran out of town..
To be continued.

>>

mtn bonus [Read it]


mtn dey give bonus
send 11 to 400 to claim urs


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-02 19:55:24

204 Views




Doctors have discovered that most single women can’t fart. Apparently, they don’t have an asshole until they get married to one.Related

Chapter 1
When the vicar's wife went off with a young and penniless man the scandal knew no bounds. Her two little girls were only seven and nine years old respectively. And the vicar was such a good husband. True, his hair was grey. But his moustache was dark, he was handsome, and still full of furtive passion for his unrestrained and beautiful wife.
Why did she go? Why did she burst away with such an éclat of revulsion, like a touch of madness?
Nobody gave any answer. Only the pious said she was a bad woman. While some of the good women kept silent. They knew.
The two little girls never knew. Wounded, they decided that it was because their mother found them negligible.
The ill wind that blows nobody any good swept away the vicarage family on its blast. Then lo and behold! the vicar, who was somewhat distinguished as an essayist and a controversialist, and whose case had aroused sympathy among the bookish men, received the living of Papplewick. The Lord had tempered the wind of misfortune with a rectorate in the north country.
The rectory was a rather ugly stone house down by the river Papple, before you come into the village. Further on, beyond where the road crosses the stream, were the big old stone cotton-mills, once driven by water. The road curved uphill, into the bleak stone streets of the village.
The vicarage family received decided modification, upon its transference into the rectory. The vicar, now the rector, fetched up his old mother and his sister, and a brother from the city. The two little girls had a very different milieu from the old home.
The rector was now forty-seven years old, he had displayed an intense and not very dignified grief after the flight of his wife. Sympathetic ladies had stayed him from suicide. His hair was almost white, and he had a wild-eyed, tragic look. You had only to look at him, to know how dreadful it all was, and how he had been wronged.
Yet somewhere there was a false note. And some of the ladies, who had sympathised most profoundly with the vicar, secretly rather disliked the rector. There was a certain furtive self- righteousness about him, when all was said and done.
The little girls, of course, in the vague way of children, accepted the family verdict. Granny, who was over seventy and whose sight was failing, became the central figure in the house. Aunt Cissie, who was over forty, pale, pious, and gnawed by an inward worm, kept house. Uncle Fred, a stingy and grey-faced man of forty, who just lived dingily for himself, went into town every day. And the rector, of course, was the most important person, after Granny.
They called her The Mater. She was one of those physically vulgar, clever old bodies who had got her own way all her life by buttering the weaknesses of her men-folk. Very quickly she took her cue. The rector still "loved" his delinquent wife, and would "love her" till he died. Therefore hush! The rector's feeling was sacred. In his heart was enshrined the pure girl he had wedded and worshipped.
Out in the evil world, at the same time, there wandered a disreputable woman who had betrayed the rector and abandoned his little children. She was now yoked to a young and despicable man, who no doubt would bring her the degradation she deserved. Let this be clearly understood, and then hush! For in the pure loftiness of the rector's heart still bloomed the pure white snowflower of his young bride. This white snowflower did not wither. That other creature, who had gone off with that despicable young man, was none of his affair.
The Mater, who had been somewhat diminished and insignificant as a widow in a small house, now climbed into the chief arm-chair in the rectory, and planted her old bulk firmly again. She was not going to be dethroned. Astutely she gave a sigh of homage to the rector's fidelity to the pure white snowflower, while she pretended to disapprove. In sly reverence for her son's great love, she spoke no word against that nettle which flourished in the evil world, and which had once been called Mrs. Arthur Saywell. Now, thank heaven, having married again, she was no more Mrs. Arthur Saywell. No woman bore the rector's name. The pure white snow- flower bloomed in perpetuum, without nomenclature. The family even thought of her as She-who-was-Cynthia.
All this was water on the Mater's mill. It secured her against Arthur's ever marrying again. She had him by his feeblest weakness, his skulking self-love. He had married an imperishable white snowflower. Lucky man! He had been injured! Unhappy man! He had suffered. Ah, what a heart of love! And he had - forgiven! Yes, the white snowflower was forgiven. He even had made provision in his will for her, when that other scoundrel - But hush! Don't even THINK too near to that horrid nettle in the rank outer world! She-who-was-Cynthia. Let the white snowflower bloom inaccessible on the heights of the past. The present is another story.
The children were brought up in this atmosphere of cunning self- sanctification and of unmentionability. They too, saw the snowflower on inaccessible heights. They too knew that it was throned in lone splendour aloft their lives, never to be touched.
At the same time, out of the squalid world sometimes would come a rank, evil smell of selfishness and degraded lust, the smell of that awful nettle, She-who-was-Cynthia. This nettle actually contrived, at intervals, to get a little note through to her girls, her children. And at this the silver-haired Mater shook inwardly with hate. For if She-who-was-Cynthia ever came back, there wouldn't be much left of the Mater. A secret gust of hate went from the old granny to the girls, children of that foul nettle of lust, that Cynthia who had had such an affectionate contempt for the Mater.
Mingled with all this, was the children's perfectly distinct recollection of their real home, the Vicarage in the south, and their glamorous but not very dependable mother, Cynthia. She had made a great glow, a flow of life, like a swift and dangerous sun in the home, forever coming and going. They always associated her presence with brightness, but also with danger; with glamour, but with fearful selfishness.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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akpors and God [Read it]


A bus carrying many people crashed
on an
icy road, burst into flames, and killed
everyone. Upon arrival in heaven, God
says “Since
you have died in a terrible way, I’ll
grant
you one wish before I let you into
heaven.”
The first woman, being a person
always
concerned on her looks, comes up to
God and says “I wish to be beautiful.”
God grants her wish. The next person
can’t decide on what to
wish for so ends up wishing for the
same
thing. At this point Apkos at the very
back of the
line starts to laugh.
The next couple of people make their
wish
to become beautiful and Apkos at the
end
laughs even louder.
One after another the people wish the
same thing and the closer God gets
to the
end of the line, the harder Apkos
laughs.
When God finally reaches him, he
asks
“What is your wish my son?” .
.
. .
Akpos says, “Make them all ugly
again!”
?
? One Word for Akpos..??


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-13 20:35:09

255 Views



4 Sons [Read it]


FATHER: I have four sons...



1st Son- Engineer

2nd Son- MBA

3rd Son- PhD

4th Son- Thief



NEIGHBOUR: Why don't you throw your 4th son out of the house?



FATHER: He's the only one earning money. The rest are jobless!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-10 07:27:31

302 Views





THE LONG WALK TO FREEDOM

SHORT STORY

As I walked home one freezing
day, I
stumbled on a wallet someone
had lost in
the street. I picked it up and
looked inside to
find some identification so I
could call the
owner. But the wallet
contained only three
dollars and a crumpled letter
that looked as
if it had been in there for
years.
The envelope was worn and the
only thing
that was legible on it was the
return
address. I started to open the
letter, hoping
to find some clue. Then I saw
the dateline–
1924. The letter had been
written almost 60
years ago.
It was written in a beautiful
feminine
handwriting on powder blue
stationery with
a little flower in the left-hand
corner. It was
a “Dear John” letter that told
the recipient,
whose name appeared to be
Michael, that
the writer could not see him
anymore
because her mother forbade it.
Even so, she
wrote that she would always
love him.
It was signed, Hannah.
It was a beautiful letter, but
there was no
way except for the name
Michael, that the
owner could be identified.
Maybe if I called
information, the operator
could find a
phone listing for the address
on the
envelope.
“Operator,” I began, “this is an
unusual
request. I’m trying to find the
owner of a
wallet that I found. Is there
anyway you
can tell me if there is a phone
number for
an address that was on an
envelope in the
wallet?”
She suggested I speak with her
supervisor,
who hesitated for a moment
then said,
“Well, there is a phone listing
at that
address, but I can’t give you
the number.”
She said, as a courtesy, she
would call that
number, explain my story and
would ask
them if they wanted her to
connect me.
I waited a few minutes and
then she was
back on the line. “I have a
party who will
speak with you.”
I asked the woman on the
other end of the
line if she knew anyone by the
name of
Hannah. She gasped, “Oh! We
bought this
house from a family who had a
daughter
named Hannah. But that was
30 years
ago!”
“Would you know where that
family could
be located now?” I asked.
“I remember that Hannah had
to place her
mother in a nursing home
some years ago,”
the woman said. “Maybe if you
got in touch
with them they might be able
to track down
the daughter.”
She gave me the name of the
nursing home
and I called the number. They
told me the
old lady had passed away some
years ago
but they did have a phone
number for where
they thought the daughter
might be living.
I thanked them and phoned.
The woman
who answered explained that
Hannah
herself was now living in a
nursing home.
This whole thing was stupid, I
thought to
myself. Why was I making such
a big deal
over finding the owner of a
wallet that had
only three dollars and a letter
that was
almost 60 years old?
Nevertheless, I called the
nursing home in
which Hannah was supposed to
be living
and the man who answered the
phone told
me, “Yes, Hannah is staying
with us.”
Even though it was already 10
p.m., I asked
if I could come by to see her.
“Well,” he said
hesitatingly, “if you want to
take a chance,
she might be in the day room
watching
television.”
I thanked him and drove over
to the nursing
home. The night nurse and a
guard greeted
me at the door. We went up to
the third
floor of the large building. In
the day room,
the nurse introduced me to
Hannah.
She was a sweet, silver-haired
oldtimer with
a warm smile and a twinkle in
her eye. I
told her about finding the
wallet and
showed her the letter. The
second she saw the
powder blue envelope with
that little flower
on the left, she took a deep
breath and said,
“Young man, this letter was the
last contact I
ever had with Michael.”
She looked away for a moment
deep in
thought and then said softly,
“I loved him
very much. But I was only 16
at the time
and my mother felt I was too
young. Oh, he
was so handsome. He looked
like Sean
Connery, the actor.”
“Yes,” she continued. “Michael
Goldstein was
a wonderful person. If you
should find him,
tell him I think of him often.
And,” she
hesitated for a moment, almost
biting her
lip, “tell him I still love him.
You know,” she
said smiling as tears began to
well up in
her eyes, “I never did marry. I
guess no one
ever matched up to Michael…”
I thanked Hannah and said
goodbye. I took
the elevator to the first floor
and as I stood
by the door, the guard there
asked, “Was the
old lady able to help you?”
I told him she had given me a
lead. “At
least I have a last name. But I
think I’ll let it
go for a while. I spent almost
the whole day
trying to find the owner of this
wallet.”
I had taken out the wallet,
which was a
simple brown leather case with
red lacing on
the side. When the guard saw
it, he said,
“Hey, wait a minute! That’s Mr.
Goldstein’s
wallet. I’d know it anywhere
with that
bright red lacing. He’s always
losing that
wallet. I must have found it in
the halls at
least three times.”
“Who’s Mr. Goldstein?” I asked
as my hand
began to shake.
“He’s one of the oldtimers on
the 8th floor.
That’s Mike Goldstein’s wallet
for sure. He
must have lost it on one of his
walks.” I
thanked the guard and quickly
ran back to
the nurse’s office. I told her
what the guard
had said. We went back to the
elevator and
got on. I prayed that Mr.
Goldstein would
be up.
On the eighth floor, the floor
nurse said, “I
think he’s still in the day room.
He likes to
read at night. He’s a darling
old man.”
We went to the only room that
had any
lights on and there was a man
reading a
book. The nurse went over to
him and asked
if he had lost his wallet. Mr.
Goldstein
looked up with surprise, put
his hand in his
back pocket and said, “Oh, it is
missing!”
“This kind gentleman found a
wallet and
we wondered if it could be
yours?”
I handed Mr. Goldstein the
wallet and the
second he saw it, he smiled
with relief and
said, “Yes, that’s it! It must
have dropped out
of my pocket this afternoon. I
want to give
you a reward.”
“No, thank you,” I said. “But I
have to tell
you something. I read the
letter in the hope
of finding out who owned the
wallet.”
The smile on his face suddenly
disappeared.
“You read that letter?”
“Not only did I read it, I think
I know where
Hannah is.”
He suddenly grew pale.
“Hannah? You know
where she is? How is she? Is
she still as
pretty as she was? Please,
please tell me,” he
begged.
“She’s fine…just as pretty as
when you knew
her.” I said softly.
The old man smiled with
anticipation and
asked, “Could you tell me
where she is? I
want to call her tomorrow.” He
grabbed my
hand and said, “You know
something,
Mister? I was so in love with
that girl that
when that letter came, my life
literally
ended. I never married. I guess
I’ve always
loved her.”
“Mr. Goldstein,” I said, “Come
with me.”
We took the elevator down to
the third floor.
The hallways were darkened
and only one
or two little night-lights lit our
way to the
day room where Hannah was
sitting alone
watching the television. The
nurse walked
over to her.
“Hannah,” she said softly,
pointing to
Michael, who was waiting with
me in the
doorway. “Do you know this
man?”
She adjusted her glasses,
looked for a
moment, but didn’t say a word.
Michael
said softly, almost in a
whisper, “Hannah,
it’s Michael. Do you remember
me?”
She gasped, “Michael! I don’t
believe it!
Michael! It’s you! My Michael!”
He walked
slowly towards her and they
embraced. The
nurse and I left with tears
streaming down
our faces.
“See,” I said. “See how the
Good Lord works!
If it’s meant to be, it will be.”
About three weeks later I got a
call at my
office from the nursing home.
“Can you
break away on Sunday to
attend a
wedding? Michael and Hannah
are going
to tie the knot!”
It was a beautiful wedding
with all the
people at the nursing home
dressed up to
join in the celebration. Hannah
wore a light
beige dress and looked
beautiful. Michael
wore a dark blue suit and
stood tall. They
made me their best man.
The hospital gave them their
own room and
if you ever wanted to see a 76-
year-old bride
and a 79-year-old groom
acting like two
teenagers, you had to see this
couple.
A perfect ending for a love
affair that had
lasted nearly 60 years.
WHAT WILL BE WILL SURELY BE,THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON,NO MATTER THE CHALLENGES OR OBSTACLES OBSTRUCTING UR PROGRESS,ITS A LONG JOURNEY TO THE PROMSED LAND,DONT GIVE UP,QUITTERS NEVER WINS,WINNERS NEVER QUIT
**************THE END*************


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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IBALE{VIRGINTY} [Read it]


EPISODE TEN: THE WEDDING NIGHT CONTINUATION (2)

STILL ON ISHOLA VIEWS

Me: Where did she say her father sent her to or where is she coming from?

Solape: She said, she is coming back from Iya Elemu’s place where her father sent her to go and pay money for the palmwine that will be use for the wedding.

Me: Where was she raped?

Solape: Along the bush path after Iya Elemu’s shop.

Me: Eh Mogbe (am doomed)
Putting my hands on my head

Solape: What happen?
(She is now looking scared)

Me: Solape have offended Ronke seriously
(With a pleading look)

Solape: In what way did you offend her ?
(With a concern look)

Me: I want you to help me beg her for me, TORI MO TISE,MO TISE ELEDA E.

Solape: Tell me what you did to her that make you think that you have offended her.
(She is now eager to hear what my offence is)

Me: Yoruba says: TI A BA SO KO SO JA,A TA BA ARA ILE, A TUN TA BA ARA OKO
(I said putting hands on my head again)

Solape: Stop speaking in parables and please stop beating around the bush.
Me: Okay listen carefully to me and you will know this is not not my fault,I was pushed to do it
(With a pleading look)

Solape: Pushed to do what. Go straight to the point please.
( She is now feeling unease)

Me: Few days to our wedding day which is today, I was sleeping when my freeing Adisa came to our house and wake me up

********************************************
FLASH BACK
********************************************

Adisa: Ishola,stand up, why are you sleeping this noon, doing like a pregnant woman abi you are pregnant man

Me: (standing up from the mat I lay on and also yawning) Pregnant man KO pregnant guy ni

Adisa: Oya just stand up, let go for refreshment, abi make we celebrate and make you say goodbye to your bachelor’s life.

Me: Okay no problem, where are we going now.

Adisa: We are going to Iya Elemu’s place our other friends are also there waiting for us.

Me: Okay

I stand up and went to rinse my face and I dress up properly.

Me: Oya lets go

Adisa: Mind you everything we order you to do to do must be done because you know that's how we end our bachelor life in that our circle ?
Me: Okay o but not what will cause me trouble o
Adisa: Not at all, oki n se okunrin ni
(Are you not a man)
Me: Okunrin ni Mi (am a man)
Adisa: Oda O
EPISODE ELEVEN: THE RAPE
LOADING:……….
ABEG MAKE UNA CHEER ME UP WITH UR COMMENTS.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Priscilla turned round in response, expecting to see her husband but she stood face to face with Richard. She nearly stumbled off the railing in pure shock but he caught her waist before she tripped. She scrambled out of his reach before people would see them. “What are you doing here?”

“Surprised to see me?” His lips twisted in a cynical smile as he put his hands in his pockets as if to quell his visible anger “You ignored my calls”

“Yes” she replied breathlessly

“And my texts”

“What are you doing here?” she eyed him with suspicion.

“I came with a guest as an escort”

“A woman no doubt?” she said staring at him cautiously.

“Jealous?” Richard smiled at her. “We need to talk”

Priscilla looked back at the crowd “I don’t think so”, she replied as she brushed passed him hurriedly but he caught her arm in time.

“Let go of me. If my husband finds us like this, he’d get the wrong idea”

“That we’re lovers? Are we not?” he asked staring into the dark pools of her eyes

“No”, Priscilla jerked her hand away but he tightened his grip on her arm.

“Just for five minutes please”

“No” she wriggled with futile efforts “Release me now!”

“I won’t release you until we talk Priscilla” he replied breathing heavily. “It was God’s gift that I found you here in the whole of Lagos so I won’t let you get away from me.”

“Stop this madness Richard, I’m a married woman. I’m sorry but stop!” she replied almost in tears. “Please let me go”

“Ok fine, I’ll release you but just please stay for a few minutes”, he looked at her with his pleading eyes and that was her undoing. Priscilla relaxed and stood rigid on the spot.

“I tried calling and texted you but you never bothered to reply. Priscilla you know how I feel about you, why do you keep hurting me this way?”

She said nothing staring into the dark night. She shivered a bit remembering what happened a month ago, “What do you want from me Richard? We were wrong, I’m married and that is enough reason to stop this” Priscilla replied frustrated “I just want this to stop and I assumed you knew that too”

“No Priscilla, I know you are married and I also know that you are not happy”

“Do I look sad to you?” She felt him look at her “My husband and I are sorting out our differences and I don’t want to jeopardize what we have now”

“But I love you, I actually do” his tone was so sad she felt a tear slip out of the corner of her eye “I love you Priscilla, married or not and I wish you would give me the chance to prove it to you”

“But you can’t!” she said turning to him with a sense of hopelessness “I’m happy the way I am now and I’m optimistic”

“Okay fine fine…lets meet up again after today”, he saw the withdrawn look in her eyes “Just one last time…”

“I can’t and you know why”

“It’s because you know there’s still something between us. I’m sorry but I love you, I do and I’m not ready to let you go”

“Please stop this Richard. We made a mistake and I can’t repeat same”. Priscilla looked at him and seeing the defeated look in his eyes, she knew she ought to leave, but she was torn between leaving and the excitement slowly unfurling in her remembering the last time they were alone.

“Please stop this” she said in a weak voice.

Richard drew closer to her and held her hand covering it in his “I love you. For weeks, I haven’t been able to sleep well without thinking about you, wondering whether you were thinking of me, whether you are a dream…” his hand pulled back a short strand of unruly hair falling on her forehead “..Or you are reality”

Priscilla gave him a small smile for the first time “You have a way with words, Richard”

“It’s the first time you’ve called my name, Priscilla.” He did not let go of her hand. “I like it from you, please see me one last time”

She snapped back and snatched her hand away from him. “Don’t push it Richard, this can’t go on”

“See me before I leave for Akure next month”

“Akure?”

“I have some tours for exhibitions around the West” he smiled looking tenderly at her “Please at least give a man his dying wish”

“You’re not dying Richard!” She rolled her eyes smiling again. “Alright, I’ll call you” she turned round about to walk away from the balcony and he caught her wrist making what was left of the wine spill on the terrazzo floor.

“Please do”

“I will”, Priscilla replied walked away leaving him in turn to gaze distantly into the dark night.

Karen stared at Richard from where she stood. Was she blind with anger or just running mad? Priscilla and Richard were holding hands intimately in the almost dark corner of the balcony. Had she no shame? What about Tunde? What was going on between Priscilla and Richard?

Well, well, well it seemed God himself was on her side tonight. Her lips formed into a wicked smile as she walked up to her lover standing unsuspectingly in the balcony.

~~~~~~

Priscilla was fuming to herself, wondering what to do as she sat behind the wheel waiting for her mother to enter into the car. She had gone visiting and her mother had asked Priscilla to follow her to church for the weekly Mother’s Guild meeting, where she held the post of President.

Her mother slid into the passenger’s seat of the Toyota Avensis after greeting a neighbor and she slammed the door turning to face her daughter. “Ehen, Ehen, don’t start the car”, she stopped her daughter from starting the car. “I want us to talk first”

Priscilla rolled her eyes guessing the topic was about her marriage “What is it mummy?”

“I’m very disappointed you didn’t bother to call me after your last visit to this house” Sola replied, pointing at the gate outside.

“What do you want me to say?”

“To tell me how far you’ve gone because I believe you thought of it deeply” she started, wrapping her scarf around her head. “Honestly you are have disappointed me. The way you behave you surprises me o.”

“How have I been behaving?” Priscilla asked grudgingly “I have been too busy.”

“Busy doing what? Too busy to focus on repairing the marriage you destroyed?”

“I destroyed?”, she scoffed. “Mummy what are you saying? Have you forgotten that we’ve been married for four years now?”

“And so?” she stopped halfway and looked at her daughter in irritation “Are you the first person to be married for four years? Oya congratulations on your jubilee or whatever they call it!”

Priscilla started the car driving with a little more force than required.

“Ma ba temi je o! Because I am talking to you now but your pig headedness will not allow you to listen. What are you doing about your marriage? If it fails I hope you know there will be nothing left for us to spend and I didn’t go through all this trouble for keeping you in a good home so that I will suffer in the end.”

“What about how I feel mummy? Doesn’t that count for anything to you?” Priscilla asked in disappointment

“Don’t use that tone with me girl”, Sola responded, finally adjusting the scarf on her head. “That is why that your sister is all alone in Port Harcourt, she will soon run back here with her tail between her legs. Young girls of nowadays” Sola said as she clapped her hand in disapproval. “You need your parents to do the thinking for you!”

Priscilla turned the car into the main road driving down to the junction and turning left to where the church was located. She said nothing determined not to let her mother’s words hurt her.

“You had better get pregnant or do something fast because I can tell you would soon be ‘once married’ with the rate at which you’re going.”

“What’s it to you? Can I not live my life the way I please? I can’t keep pleasing you mummy, I’m tired of your ceaseless demands and your constant discouraging words.” Priscilla parked the car in front of a nearby shop, a walking distance from where the church stood majestically at the end of the road “Can’t you just let me handle it? My marriage?”

“Ehhh shut up your rubbish mouth, do you think at all? You this girl, you are turning into something else o. Because you now wear expensive clothes, I should let you handle it. Yet, you ran to me to wail that your husband is enjoying what you cannot give him!” Sola snarled at her watching her wince “If not for me, this ‘your marriage’ “she mimicked “would have crumbled before four years ago.”

Priscilla let out an audible breath in seething anger “Just let me work it out. I’m tired of being pushed around.”

“You are just not smart Priscilla and I assure you, I have washed my hands away from your case since that is what you want. My own is that I get my allowances because I am an old woman and my mates are travelling all over. See Mrs Aderongbe, an ordinary member of the guild. She has travelled twice this year, she even had the guts to buy me a pair of shoes not worth anything”, she shook her head looking very upset. “Yet I have to depend on you with your wahala before you know you are to stay with the source of our income.”

“Mummy I have to go now.” She started the engine with annoyance not willing to look at her mother as she got down from the car and slammed the door harder than necessary. Priscilla watched her mother walk down to the church before she reversed. The vehicle purred as it slowly rolled back, enabling her turn and drive off the dusty road.

She had never left her mother happy since the day this marriage began; her mother was constantly nagging her and complaining about one thing or the other. Her mother had never given her a word of encouragement or hold her hand like Mrs. Bridget sometimes did, her mother was more interested in getting her dues paid than in her daughter’s happiness.

Priscilla sighed and turned back into the main road as her mind flashed to her husband then Richard: Poor him, the way he looked that night made her feel so guilty. Was he expecting her call? She bit her lip and cast a glance at her phone lying on the leather compartment between the seats. Should she call? No, it would be wrong. Would it be wrong? She did not even know what she felt for him all that seemed to crowd her mind was Tunde.

Her mind was torn between the two, how could he even love her? Had he no shame loving a married woman? A tear threatened to fall as her heart grew heavy with guilt. Oh, but something always pulled her to him: whenever he looked lost at her, she felt like the most valuable woman in the world and when they were alone, they devoured each other, twice.

…But what she felt for Tunde could not be put in words. She had grown to respect him, to yearn for his smile and laugh at his awkward jokes. She had grown to enjoy sitting with him and stealing glances at him as he buried his head in his books, was that love? That he made her respond to him in so many emotional ways and whenever he looked at her in grudging appreciation, it made her day.

Priscilla smiled to herself remembering Tunde; she would make sure she never gave herself to another man again: the mistake was made and history would never repeat itself again God help her. In the end, she picked up her phone scrolling through the contacts list.

To Be Continued.

Please i need your comments.

>>

One Sunday in my church , the usher standing beside me suddenly life up a cigarette, I was so shocked that I nearly dropped my bottle of beer.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-31 13:16:28

516 Views



Surprised Call [Read it]


A girl calls a guy who has been trying to toast her for over a year...
GIRL: Hello cutie.
GUY: (surprised) Hey beauty, I didn't hope you'll ever call me.
GIRL: I'm all alone at home and I was kind of wondering if you can come over at my place because I'm feeling very horny right now.
GUY: OMG! I'll be right there in 5 minutes. At the girl's house...
GIRL: Are you going to keep looking at me or take off your clothes and let's have fun?
GUY: Yes After taking off his clothes...
GIRL: (laughing and shouts) APRIL FOOL!

IF you are the guy what will you do?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-09 15:41:59

910 Views




I went back to the hotel room
thinking of what to do next.the hotel
management has already assured me
that the will invite the police
immediately.30 minutes later the
police came.we narrated and
discribe everything that happened to
them.both the armed men and
charity.the D.p.o gave us hope.by
telling us that they gonna fine charity
for me.and make sure the armed
men will be executed.bla bla bla.i
gave them charity’s picture for more
investigation.and to help fine her.
I wasn’t convinced with there
promise yet untill i set my eyes on
my charity.she is the only comforter
that i have.she is the only one that
understand me.she knows when i’m
happy and when i’m not.she hardly
get angry.always happy.although
some times we argue for one thing
or the other.that is normal think in
every relationship.she was like an
angel that was sent from above.to
take care of me.she is beautiful.she
has everything that you need in a
woman.ooh charity.please were ever
they take you to.please come back to
me.i need you more than anything
now.
I was still thinking for more than two
hours.i started feeling sudden
headache.still nothing positive came
up
SOME MINUTES LATER.my phone
started ringing.i didn’t care to pick
or check whosever that was
disturbing my mood.it rings for the
second time.no answer.the idiot
never gave up on calling.i became
very angry.i took the phone to
smashed it on the wall.when i saw
that it was unknown number that
was calling….who is this b-----d that
won’t let me be.*i said to myself*.
finally.i press the green key on the
phone.
ME.*angry tone* yea.who tha hell is
this?.
CALLER. fresh fresh.longest time.
Why is he calling me fresh.how did
he knows that.fresh was my old
name..wait o.nobody knows that my
name fresh.except except eerm Jc
and the othe gang.eeeh.who did
they get this my new line.something
must be wrong some were.are they
with charity?.
ME. Sorry who is this?.*panting*.
CALLER.aah so you change your old
line. so that you don’t want to finish
what you
started.hahahahaha.runaway soldier.
ME.* feeling uncomfortable*please
am still lost.
CALLER.by now you suppose to know
who you are speaking with.any way.i
will tell you.JC.
ME. JC.how.when where did you get
my line.what do you want?.
JC.hahahaha.are you suprise.boy you
should not be.i warned you that you
can’t run away from me.i’m every
were.didn’t i?you even change your
line and run away with your
love.what is her name again.eerm
charity. so that i won’t get you.but
you failed.
ME.*almost in tears* what do you
want.were is charity.what did you do
to her?.
JC.well well well.she is fine for
now.but if you still want to see them
again.you know what to do.
ME.them.how do you mean by
them?.
JC.ooh.i forgot to tell you.your
mother and your only sister are also
with us.since two days ago.they have
been eaten our food for free.but
everything is gonna end this night.
ME.please please Jc.don’t hurt them.i
beg you.i’m ready to do anything
that you want me to do.but please
don’t hurt my family and my wife.
JC.in that case.i won’t hurt them only
if you can play with the rules.
ME.which is.
JC.we have unfinish business.i give
you 24 hours to come back to us.and
face whatever you see.time starts
now.fail to do that.then you will
blame yourself on whatever that will
happen to them.expecially that your
beautiful oyoyo.i know you won’t like
her to get hurt.but i promise you.i
will personally rape her to
death.including that your fine sister
and your mother.if you fail to show
up.*laughs*don’t dare me.
ME.please i beg u jc.don’t do that to
them.i’m ready to face whatever that
will come up.please.
JC.young man.you are wasting my
time.remember the time.24
hours.your time starts now.
ME.al al alright.i’m on my way.but
what is the deal?.
JC.the deal is that.if you show up
before 24 hours.then i will let the
three of them go.but after 24 hours
and you didn’t show.sorry for what
will happen to them.
ME.*panting*alright i will be there
soon.
JC. one more thing.don’t invite the
police.don’t even think of it.or.
ME.i won’t.
JC. i repeat.don’t invite the cops.you
know i’m more dangerious.so don’t
play any game….(the line went off).
Eeeeh!is this how my life we just end
like that?had i know.had i
know.*crying*how will i start from
here now.i’m a dead man.how will i
explain this to my God.what about
my family.and charity.what will be
there faith.when i’m gone.he serious
warned me not to invite the
cops.should i invite them?coz i’m
very confused on what to do right
now.i have no time.i have to think
for a solution ASAP.

To Be Continued

>>

Fear No More!!! [Read it]


I have just realized that 95% of what we fear about doesn’t
come to pass. Here is my proof.

When a child is in his final year in secondary school, he
will be scared whether he will pass or fail his external exams (WAEC). But at
the end he will definitely pass.

After that, another fear will come in. wither he will gain
admission into the university or not. But at the end he will enter the
university.

At this stage, the fear will increase times two, whether he
will graduate or not. Like play like play, he graduates.

We all know how the labour market is, especially in Nigeria.
By this time, he is now a man and needs to care for himself. When he move from
one firm to another and nothing promising is coming, fear will now turn to his breakfast.
But at the end he will surely get a job.

When he starts making his money, the next is whether he will
see a good woman to marry. He will enter marriage market (Lol). When he tries
like 3 girls but none is working out, he will be so disorganized and hopeless. If
the is a woman, she will start jumping from one prayer house to another (Lol). But
at the end he will definitely marry.

The next fear is whether he will have children. At this stage,
if the man is not careful enough, the fear will mature into HBP (Lol) because
it something he has little or no control over. He has no other option than to become
born again. But at the end he will have a child and even more.

The fear will now be like, will this child see, will the
child talk, walk or hear (HAHAHAHAHA let me laugh small with you). But behold
at the end the baby will be a perfect baby.

The next fear is what the child will be when he grows up. Will
he be a blessing to me or bad luck. If the child is a girl, the fear will then
be will she get married. But still at the end she will marry and bear her own
kids.

Let me stop here. My dear Nairajokes fan, what am trying to
point out is that 95% of what we fear about doesn’t happen to us. So why then
do we live all our live in fear? That God that provided for you yesterday, today,
will surely provide for you tomorrow. Seek forth the kingdom of God and every
other thing shall be added onto you.

If you love this story, please don’t allow it to die, care
to SHARE it to all your friends and inspire them.

 

 


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A pastor married an uneducated, jealous woman. One day, the woman was in the kitchen, cooking when she overhead her husband praying in the living room saying; "Thank you Lord, for bringing Mercy, Joy and Grace into my life." She ran quickly with a cooking pan, hit him on the head and said, "I knew you were a player, and a fake pastor. You've just prayed for all your girlfriends, you think I didn't hear you? Who the hell is Mercy, Joy and Grace?" pls don't just laugh,try to comment. as u comment,MAY THE ALMIGHTY GOD BRING MERCY, JOY AND GRACE INTO YOUR LIFE.. Hahahaha #B-goF


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-21 21:14:21

3167 Views



IF YOU CARE [Read it]


DON'T IGNORE IF YOU CARE ABOUT ME
Dear friends,
Am in the hospital now,i was bitten by a puppy dog,the doctor said i need brain transplant because i make una serious they read this stupid post..lol


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-18 20:43:08

605 Views



Dear Dollar [Read it]


Dear Dollar,You slut…
Stop rising so much coz after 58 Government will retire you..Sincerely
Indian RupeeRelated

You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.

-Ayn RandRelated

A boy met a girl, after a little
conversation,the boy wanted to leave,then he
said to
the girl
Boy: Sorry, I didn't get ur name.
Girl: OK. I'm Dike Sandra Thelma Vera, u can call me (DSTV)
Boy: (I no fit carry last) well I'm Godwin
Obinna Tochukwu Victor,
(GOTV)
Lolzzz ... If it was u, what funny fake
name wil u give? Mine will be Aboderin oludele Nomolos
(AoN) Add urs...let the fun begin... #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-02 11:29:06

555 Views




Some people cry at weddings, some at funerals. I cry at performances of Shakespeare’s comedies.

~ Russ McDonaldRelated

Ek Khwaish



Ek Khwaish Sarhaney Rakh Do Na;

Aaj Mujh Pe Inayat Ker Do Na;



Zara Chupkey Se Khamoshi Se;

Tum Izhar-E-Mohabbat Ker Do Na;



Khud Ko Ker K Deewana Sa;

Mera Pyaar Amar Tum Ker Do Na;



Main Pyaas Mein Duuba Sehra Hoon;

Tum Mujh Ko Samandar Ker Do Na;



Main Yun Hi Phirta Hoon Dar-Ba-Dar;

Tum Khud Ko Manzil Ker Do Na !Related

A minister warmed up the service one sunday morning by saying 'Next sunday i am going to preach on the subject of liars'. As a preparation for my discourse, i wil like you all to read the seventeenth chapter of mark in connection of my topic. On the following sunday, the preacher rose to begin and said, Now, all of you who read the seventeenth chapter of Mark, please raise your hands; Nearly every hand in the congregation went up. Then said the preacher, 'You are the people i want to talk about'. There is no seventeenth chapter of mark.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-05 13:28:07

482 Views




I quietly finished my drink, left the restaurant and
headed to my apartment where Mary was waiting for
me. The last thing i wanted was allowing her spend the
night with me. Her face wasn’t bright when i returned. She frowned
expecting me to apologize to her, but unfortunately i
wasn’t in a good mood. All i wanted was to rest.
“the way you are treating me isn’t right at all. You are
behaving as if i’m forcing myself on you” she
complained as if she didn’t know the obvious, but before i could answer, my phone rang. It was Jboy
calling.
“o boy!, i thought you told me you were coming?.
Wetin come happen?” he asked,
“guy time still dey nau, haba. I’m coming” i answered,
“abeg show for gate. I’m at the front of your house, waiting in my car. Hurry i don’t have all the time in the
world” he commanded and hung up. I smiled and drew
close to Mary.
“we have a lot to discuss but it will be tomorrow. I’ll
come to your house by 3pm. I’m about going
somewhere with Jboy, but you should come along. I’ll beg him to drop you at your house” i seriously said to
her.
She simply shrugged without another word, went to my
bedroom, brushed up herself and came out to the
sitting room three minutes later.
Together we headed out of my apartment to meet Jboy who was extremely surprised to see her.
“hmmm who am i seeing?” he laughed politely, eyeing
Mary as we entered his car.
Suddenly from nowhere a black Sienna car stopped in
front of us. Three guys jumped out in a commando
style with Ak47 rifles. “Jesus” Mary screamed in panic,
“get out from the car. Fast fast” they screamed at us,
cocking their guns in the process..
Mary and i quickly obeyed and jumped out of the
vehicle, but Jboy wasn’t so lucky.
As he nervously made to unfasten his seat belt one of the bandits misunderstood his intention and fired two
rounds of fire-power on him without warning.
He instantly went unconscious. I couldn’t believe it was
real.
“hey wetin?” one of the bandits shouted at the guy who
shot Jboy, while i shivered as i looked on speechlessly. I really was scared they were equally going to shoot Mary
and I because the shots fired on Jboy was very
surprising to me, but as i watched the other two
bandits, it seemed they were equally as surprised as i
was.It clearly showed in their behaviour. Of course they
had their faces covered but their body language displayed their confusion. Mary and i simply stood not
knowing what to do.
The guy who fired the shots made to drag Jboy’s body
out of the vehicle but his colleague who asked the first
question stopped him.
“you don mess up the car already, make we shift jor. Time no dey” he commanded, turned and jumped into
the sienna car they came with. The two other bandits
joined him without uttering a word and they instantly
zoomed off, disappearing and leaving us all alone with
my lifeless friend. I quickly rushed to check on him but
unfortunately he was as unconsious as a dead lizard, while blood gushed out from his chest. It was a terrible
scene to behold.
Some good samaritans quickly came forward and
helped us in taking him to a private hospital nearby.
Unfortunately the nurses on duty confirmed him dead,
but i choosed not to believe them until the doctor showed up few minutes later and confirmed the news
to us.
I couldn’t believe Jboy was gone for real. The only
friend i had, gone so suddenly. I never believed life
could be so short and surprising. I never believed a
strong man like him can just so suddenly disappear. I cried ceaselessly.
“where do i go from here?” i wondered, feeling very
bitter and responsible over the whole event.
“only if he had waited for me at his house” i reasoned.
“how do i continue living without him?, how do i face
his family. How did he just go so suddenly, without living anything behind? Not even a child or at least a
wife” i reasoned with tears.
I sat down in front of the hospital reception and went
through my life. I wasn’t any better than him but he
was taken away while my life was spared.
Why why why?

>>

barbie doll [Read it]


A Girl before marriage looks like a Barbie Doll. 


After marriage, a BeautIful Doll. 


After one year of marriage, a Nice Doll. 


After two years, only a Doll. 


After 5 years, PANADOLL.




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-26 21:27:49

162 Views




12 Boys planned to propose to a girl:

10 came with a rose..

But 1 came with a ring – Thats confidence..

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

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.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

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.

But what about the other 1?

Wo sala baraat lekar aaya – OVER CONFIDENCE..Related

I had rather have a fool to make me merry than experience to make me sad and to travel for it too!

~ William ShakespeareRelated

NAWA OOO [Read it]


HMMM NIGERIANS
Some people are blessed with wickedness,how
can i beg you for salt and you tell me your mum
has counted it



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-11-21 13:27:31

407 Views




1. WHENEVER THEY CALL PICK THEIR call and inform
them of your progress, never abuse them
2. You should never block or unfriend them on facebook,
and always update about your happy days and not on
your bad times.
3. Be close to their friends so they can feel.more jealous
4. Never call their relatives.
5. Whenever you meet on the road greet them and wish
them well, never give them much.time always look jovial
6. Never be the one calling them
7. If they try to make advances, say NO! In capital letters
and tell them to mind their own business.
8. Improve on your dressing and personal
appearance, and once they see you, they may even
commit suicide...
9. If you decide to move on, date someone who is more
cute or who has achíeved more than ur ex...
AGREED?



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-23 19:22:53

242 Views



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