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¤Teacher:akpos what is the opposite meaning of WOMANIZER.
¤Akpos:VULCANIZER.
¤Teacher:explain why.
¤Akpos:for example if i womanize you my aunty then i will take you to the room to vulcanize you.
Give akpos d score of his mark...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-23 07:42:17

263 Views




We Explain to them that we left Mammy market like 30minutes ago when we waited for them too and decided to stroll around when we didn’t see them return. After talking for like 10 more minutes outside, we bided them farewell, it was when Bode decided to take Ay’s number i realized i didn’t collect Joke own too. We all exchange phone numbers.
Me: where did you take AY to
Bode:We only stroll around the compound i know your mind is dirty though, nothing happened, i wanted to enter her but she didn’t allow me saying it was our first time together, she said i shouldn’t be in a rush but i was able to kiss and play with her breast, so what happened between you and Joke?
Me: Nothing, you know she is married, just gist generally about life, she is lively to be with though…Dont mind her initial gra gra of not wanting to talk to us, she later loosen up and was seriously lively and a clown for that matter
Bode: Forget about being married oooo…married woman they do like that if you play your game tight
Me: More reason why you had to quickly settle for AY when you noticed she was not having ring on her hand because i was so sure it was Joke that attracted you to the lady but you never knew she was married until we got there and you realized she has a ring so you shifted base
Bode: So you caught me?
Me: When i no be mumu
Bode: The girl husband has eye for good thing ooo…see as that her ass package well, everything is just perfect for her slim body, all her asset are not too small and not oversize
Me: I didn’t even look at her that way
Bode: If AY no allow me fuck her tomorrow ehn, i go just bone her side because i wont want her to come and dull me here, my theme in this place is to catch as many as i can.
We did our registration the following day, four of us are always together during the registration, AY was already doing like someone that already love up. I noticed that Joke was not wearing her wedding ring that day, Bode asked about it and she gave him an excuse that she pull it off while washing her cloth earlier and our calls rush them out of the hostel.
Bode actually achieved her aim with AY that very night, she said they did it behind one of the guys hostel block, it was a quickie as he just dropped her short and came in from behind. Joke’s husband calls at every interval to find out what was happening in camp and how far with her relocation. She told him she has submitted her request to the state coordinators office and he is expecting invite from them for a chat.

Read Episode 52

Ultimate Thought Of William Sexfear For All Beautiful Girls.

“Be With Someone Who Spoils Your Lipstick Not Your Eyeliner.”Related

I went downstairs to look around and do some
sightseeing as the school premises has really
changed from the way it was when i
graduated from the school..Apparently the
state government and the school management
have been pumping lots of money to the
school in terms of infrastructural development.
I walked to the canteen to put something in
my stomach and relax a bit till around 8:30
before i decided to check back at the faculty
office. Luckily for me, the office was opened
and i met a man and a lady there…..
Me: Good morning Sir….
Man: Morning……
Me: please i want to find out about the
process of obtaining my transcript……
Man: Ohk…did you finish from this faculty?
Me: Yes Sir…..
Man: Transcript is not process from the
faculty office…you will need to go to the ICT
centre (Exam and Records Department for the
processing)
Me: Ohk…..please where is that sir?
Man: The building is directly opposite MBA
hall…do u know MBA?
Me: I guess i know Sir
Man: Just directly opposite MBA building, you
will see their building with a mast.
Me: Ohk Sir…thank you so much Sir
Man: You welcome…..
I dashed out immediately and started thinking
that i would have even be through with the
processing if i had the right information before
coming to the schooling instead of wasting
time waiting for the faculty officer……..
I drove down to MBA and the building was so
easy to identify…i walked in and made enquiry,
which i was told i don’t even need to come to
the school for processing my transcript as
everything is now online and they don’t
request manually again…..the lady that
attended to me asked me to visit the school
website to request for my
transcript……………………….”waoh…..that means
my journey to Lasu is a waste as i would have
done this at the comfort of my room”.
I walked out and started driving towards the
second gate which i came in through….i burst
out at iba road and turn back going to
Igando….turning back to directly opposite the
school gate, standing there was the lady i met
at the corridor of the faculty office
earlier….waoh, i never got the opportunity to
see her physique when we had the
conversation then as she rested her Buttocks
somewhere and her hand over her chest with
her bag then…..i parked and horn for her
Me: hello……
Lady: Hi
Me: where are you heading to?
Lady: Iyana Ipaja side……
Me: Ohhhh…am going towards egbeda…maybe
i can help u a little
Lady: thank so much Sir……..
She hopped in and we started
going…………….After a while
Me: Please whats the name if i may ask
Lady: Am mary….
Me: Am snakie……Its nice meeting you mary
Mary: the pleasure is mine
Me: Is today lecture free or you don’t have
class today?
Mary: Dunno..guess they said, students are
not in school as non academic staff are on
strike
Me: strike ke? What happened?
Mary: i don’t know oooooo………
Me: Are you not a student of the school
Mary: I graduated 2012………….
Me: Ohh…..am very sorry……
Mary: I only came to make enquiry about my
certificate……
Me: hope you got the right response
Mary: yes..they said i will need to provide
some documents in order to collect my
certificate
Me: that should be your clearance and some
documents
Mary: yes….
Me: that means they have not change the
process then……i graduated in 2008
Mary: Ohk…….
Me: so, what are you into now?
Mary: nothing really..i just finished my service
4 months ago, so am still an applicant
Me: hey yah…..God will definitely do it for you
dear..its not so easy getting a job in this
country..hope you have been applying for jobs
sha.
Mary: Yeah…have been giving my CV out to
people but its been promise and promise but
am hopeful sha
Me: its not so easy like that, you know the
people you give your cv to also have other
people that are hanging on their neck…dont
be discourage dear…..when its your time, your
helper will surely locate you by his grace.
Mary: amen oooo…thanks so much…..what do
u do
Me: I work with a consulting firm……..
Mary: Ohk……maybe i will also give you my CV
Me: No problem…..but do u have a copy here?
Mary: I don’t but i wouldn’t mind getting your
details so that i can forward it to you.
Me: No problem, thats my card..my email and
phone number is there, you can forward it to
my mail
Mary: Ohk sir…am doing that right away………
Me: Oh….you even have it handy…..
Mary: Yes now……..
Me: U no dey even joke at all….flash me with
your number so i can also save it on my fone
Mary: ohk…joke ke? Am seriously searching
for work oo…am tired of staying at home
Me: On a more serious note..a beautiful lady
like you shouldn’t search for work so long like
this now cos no interviewer will see you and
wouldn’t want to give you a job straight away
Mary: I pray its by that ooo…………….
Me: Yes now…….if i ever interview someone like
you, believe me you av gotten the job already
cos this your beauty is enchanting
Mary: I hear u….no be by beauty jare..rather
wat u have upstairs…..moreover, thanks for
flattering me
Me: what do u mean now….how will i be
flattering you..sincerely, its been a while i set
my eyes on a beauty like you……….God
completed everything in you.
Mary: Lolzzzz…….Okunrin sha…all of you are
the same thing
Me: same thing as how?
Mary: what do u mean by God completed
everything in me………
Me: Yes now…..You aint too tall or
short…….every part of ur body is perfect…
including ********sorry am not suppose to
mention that
Mary: Including what? You are free now…
anything you say, it wont be the first time i
will be hearing it and it wont be the last
time……so u better pour out all you have on ur
mind before it started causing headache for
you.
Me: lolzzz……..that kind one dey cause
headache…
Mary: Yes of course
Me: well some things are better left unsaid
sha cos u don’t know what you will say that
you wont be able to say another one again
Mary: lolzzz……datz very funny…have u ever
said one before that landed you in trouble
Me: yes now but it was my friend
Mary: ehn ehn…..what happened to him
Me: He saw a lady at a party we went to last
week and was complementing her without
knowing that the lady was a fiancée of a
Colonel…the lady was enjoying my guy too
and dey were rocking each other before the
young colonel came and my guy thought it
was just ordinary guy..it took maturity before
we were able to settle it…
Mary: Lolzz….hope it didn’t lead to trouble
sha
Me: Almost..so, i don’t want to be in that
same mess today as i don’t know uhmmm…
uhmmmm….before someone will park me now
and nobody to rescue me
Mary: lolzzz….you are not serious…thank God
we are just the only one in the car and u know
where u met me from
Me: that swat has been keeping me going to
continue this conversation or else, i wouldn’t
even say anything till we depart
Mary: but truth is, you men are the same
thing once you see something in skirt or
trouser, u wont even bother to ask for the
owner before taking it……..
Me: thank God u said Men….well am not a
men sha
Mary: Then wat are you
Me: Am snakie…………………….
Mary: Are you not a man……?
Me: Not yet…am a guy (snakie) and not Man…
datz why am different from every other
person…..
Mary: datz a lie jhoor………
Me: but sincerely..all of us are thieves but its
only who is caught that is the real thief
Mary: thank God u admit that…….that is wat
some guys will never admit to
Me: datz why i said am different from other
guys….i will never lie to any lady because i
want to get in between her legs……like if as am
meeting u for the first time now, if am asking
u out, its probably impossible for me not to
have who am dating….so, why should i lie?
But some ladies are idiot..a guy will approach
you and tell you he doesn’t have a girlfriend
and you will just admit
Mary: not all girls though….
Me: so, you are claiming you are also different
Mary: yes now…..
Me: ohk ooo….My philosophy is that, if am
meeting a lady like you for the first time, i
don’t expect u to tell me you don’t have who
u are dating……….it may either be you are not
serious wit the guy or u just broke up but to
tell me u don’t have anyone is a no no for me
at all
Mary: why will a grown up lady like me wont
have who am dating…..
Me: yes now….its some ladies but do u know
life is like a competition
Mary: How?
Me: the same way you are competing with
thousands of people to get a job u av been
applying for is the same way i will be
competing with which ever guy you have that
you are dating…its the person that you ended
up with that is the winner…just like the person
that finally got the job will be the winner in
the job recruitment process…..
Mary: thats true sha…….
Me: more reason why i wouldn’t mind
competing with the guy in your life
Mary: what do u mean?
Me: what i mean is that a beauty like u its
worth fighting for…you are wat every guy
should be competing for…….
Mary: abeg, don’t compete for me
oooooo…….Go and compete for your wife abeg
Me: wife ke? I don’t think i ever mention it
that am married but i wont deny the fact that
i have a fiancée
Mary: then you are ready to loose the trust
your fiancée have i you?
Me: I don’t think am losing any trust as we
never know what might happen in life
Mary: uhmmmmm…..
Me: thats the truth…we are all just trying, like
i said, life its all about competition.
Mary: abeg, lets talk about another thing
jare…..this traffic is killing wallahi
Me: Am even tired…we have spent close to
45mins on the same spot and we are not sure
yet when we will be out….
Mary: I guess the traffic is from Egbeda…
Me: It dare not be from Egbeda……we are just
at Isheri now…..
Mary: yes…

To Be Continued…



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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"My wonderful girlfriend and I
had been dating 4 over a year
and so we decided to get
married. There was only one
little thing bothering me...It
was her beautiful younger sister. My
prospective 21 year
old sister-in-law, always wore
very tight miniskirts, and often
times was bra-less. She would
regularly bend down when she
was near me,and I always got more
than a nice view. One day
her little sis called and asked
me to come over to check the
wedding invitations. She was
alone when I arrived,and she
whispered to me that she had feelings
and desires for me that
she couldn't overcome. She told
me that she wanted me just
once b4 I get married and
commit my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't
say a word. She said,
I'm going upstairs to my room,
and if u want one last wild
fling, just come up and get me. I
was stunned and frozen in
shock as I watched her go upstairs. I
stood there for a
moment, then turned and
headed straight to the front
door. I opened the door, and
headed straight towards my
car. Behold, my future family were
standing outside, all
clapping!. With tears in his
eyes, my father-in-law hugged
me and said "We are very
happy that you have passed our
little test. We couldn't ask for a better
man for our daughter
Welcome to the family!"I
smiled and heaved a sigh of
relief because I was actually
heading to my car to get my
condoms ...NA GOD SAVE ME O!.."
share with your friends dont laugh alone...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-09 20:36:35

791 Views




Boy: Hi baby!! How are u? I`m so happy today!!
Girl: Wait, I`ll text u later, I`m still busy with my assignment.
Boy: Can u do it later? Let`s talk first.. I miss u
so much baby.
Girl: I have to finish this on time, u knw that.
Boy: Please baby, just this once? u can finish
that tomorrow.
Girl: What? Can`t u understand this is my
project!? Can`t u give me time for myself??
Could u please? I also have my own life.. Let me live for 
myself for once! Stop texting me!!
Boy: Sorry baby. I love u very very much. I`ll
just text u later.......
Boy: Hi baby, I can`t stay long not texting u. I
really wanted to talk to u..I want us to be happy
again.
Boy: Hi baby, still u are not responding to my
texts. How`s ur project?
Boy: Baby... Please respond, I`m worried
already..
Boy: Baby it`s already 10pm.. It`s been 2hours
but u are still not replying to my text. I miss u
already...I love u so much!
Boy: Uhm baby.. I love u so much.. I`m just
here for u always.. The time is near that we`ll
always be together..
Girl: Didn`t I tell u I`ll text u after I`m done with
my Project?! Can`t u undrstand that?!?! Why is it
so hard for u to get that I`m BUSY?? You`re acting like
there`s no tomorrow..u are overreacting.. Will you just sleep?
Boy: Sorry baby.. Ok. Goodnight baby..I love
u..Take care of urself always..I`ll always be here to
guide u..I`m just here..I`ll never leave u.
.........THE NEXT DAY.........
Girl: Baby, wake up..Sorry about what I said
last night..I was just really busy..eat ur breakfast
baby, I`ll be going to school now..
Girl: Wake up baby, u still have classes to
attend..text me when u`re awake..
Girl: Hey, why until now u`re not texting? It`s
already our lunch break..why didn`t u attend ur
classes? Don`t u have phone credits? Please text
me..
Boy: He left us already..my son left me
already..ur boyfriend left u..he alreadyleft those
who are dear to him..Did he tell u he`s sick?
This was the 3rd year his doctor gave
him...we thought it wasn`t true..because no one can
predict how long a person can live in this
world..but to our surprise, his heart didn`t
make it too..We tried to wake him up this
morning but he never responded... There was a
message for u in his phone but he wasn`t able to
send it..
The message says: 
"Take care of urself always, I`m happy
where I am going..please, don`t cry..I`m sorry I
didn`t tell u about my condition..I don`t want to
bother u bcoz I knw how busy u are with ur
Project..I don`t wanna add up to ur worries..I`m
not sure if I`m lucky enough to still have a
chance to wake up tomorrow but I`m always
praying that He`ll give me a chance to see u and
be with u everyday of my life..I love u so
much... I regret that we didn`t have a chance to
talk longer today.. but I undrstand u..u might
fail on ur project if u weren`t able to finish
it..I`m really really sorry...and I love u very very
much.. Please, promise me u`ll be strong..I`m by
ur side now..I`ll always be there for you.. 
"
Please my friends, No matter how busy your day might be, 
Always make time for the one you Love. Edited by chiboy Posted by chiboy


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EPISODE 11

If not for fact that i'm practically involved in this matter, i wouldn't even try to meddle in the situation. If not for her stupidity, why'd she be using the new phone during dinning and in the presence of Dad. Her stupidity is becoming too much.

Nancy: Sir...?

Boss: Who....

Me: I gave it to her Daddy, it was given to me by my friends who contributed money to purchase it for me as my birthday present

Boss: Okay...

Mummy, Nancy and I looked ourselves in a suspicious manner.
After dinner, we all assembled in the living room pending 9:00pm where everyone can be eligible to go inside. Nancy was also there with us and not hiding at the dinning table this time because of Dad, he had seized her phone many times because of excess usage. So, she won't be able to chat until past 9:00 when she'd escape to her room.

Boss: Lemme see the phone Nancy

She went to unplug it from where she's been charging it and gave it to Dad

Boss: Which one is this one?

Nancy: It's iPhone

Boss : It looks nice, so what will u do to the blackberry?

Nancy: I will still be using it Dad, i have another sim card that i need to be using

Dad: This one looks expensive, how much is it sold?

Nancy: Me i dunno oh...

Dad: Is there no receipt? or is it not a new phone?

Me: It was only the phone and it's charger that was given to me

Boss: They should've given u receipt when they gave u the phone

He gave the phone back to her and faced the T.V
I already told mum to hid the iPad for the main time till Dad isn't around of which she already did. For me, this is a disadvantage of having a learned mother, she will surely use the iPad instead of giving it to me. She's on bbm, facebook and on whatsapp. My momma no dey gree oh...

I got a call from a friend, i went inside to get it. After the call, I dialled Mirabel's.

Mirabel: Hello

Me: Hey babe, how u doing tonite?

Mirabel: Am fine,,, wah bout u?

Me: Good... I forgot to thank u earlier for the things u got for my Mum and my Sis, I really appreciate it dear, thank u very much.

Mirabel: And you're so welcome

Me: So how is it going?

Mirabel: I'm still adjusting,,,, wait, it seems u haven't seen what i got u or the small piece of note i left u

Me: No i haven't, u got me something?  (heart beating) where did u hide it?

Mirabel: Well, U will have to discover it yourself,,,, it's there in your house (Smiling)

Me: So you're not going to tell me?

Mirabel: Nah.....

Me: This is work na, it's not fair oh

Mirabel: (Laughs) You're on boo, do some house research

Me: No problem, I won't kiss u when we meet

Mirabel: Stamped!

Me: What do u mean by that?

Mirabel: I approve of it

Me: What? it's a lie, things aren't approved that way, U will need to ask if i am sure but u didn't asked,,, U just approved.

Mirabel: (Laughing) Okay, are u sure?

Me: Hell no!

We both burst into laughter

Me: Please babe, tell me what u did to our videotape that was uploaded on YouTube

Mirabel: Alright ermmnm, its like this...  are u listening?

Me: Yea, loud and clear and even on record

Mirabel: Okay, it was my cousin living in the U.S that informed me about the video asking me if i knew anything about the upload. He owned an ICT Company there and he also do some special job for YouTube and other big companies. After he told me, i checked it out to confirm if it was really me which was actually us, I freaked out and immediately told him to do something about it as the number of views kept increasing. He said some people had downloaded the videotape and others even uploaded it to their website. He said he could do something about it though. I gave him the go ahead to rid of it. Then he hacked into the into the server of every site the videotape was uploaded to and got every copy of the video down. He also used the IP address of those that downloaded the video to hack their system and deleted the videotape.

Me: Woah,,, he must be a genius

Mirabel: Yea,,, that's why he doesn't come home much because the white men wouldn't let him. He is well valued, he even married a white girl there, we had to attend the wedding from here.

Me: I will like to meet him one day

Mirabel: Sure,,, I told him about u already. We understood each other a lot.  He also brought down everything that was tweeted about the videotape on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram with his connections. Although, he spent lots of dollars to get it all done.

Me: U guys must be close

Mirabel: Very close,,,, we were almost inseparable when we were kids. Although he is almost 5 years older than me. He started in forth grade in the U.S and was stuck up at the top throughout his school. Always the best in the class, science fairs, he was even the prom king while the prom queen was his girlfriend who is now his wife.

Me: Woah,,, like a fairy-tale

Mirabel: Exactly what i told him about his life. He is currently working on his autobiography, to be launched probably in two years time.

Me: It's really going to sell a lot

Mirabel: Yea, but he said the proceeds will be given to charity, both in Nigeria and in the U.S and i think it's a great idea.

Me: Yea yea, sure its a wonderful idea,,, how old was he when he got married?

Mirabel: He was 23, he got married two years ago on the 4th of July,,, I can still remember that day vividly

Me: Sweetheart I've been waiting for u to tell me his name

Mirabel: Sorry my love, his name is Ikechukwu but he shortened it to Ike. Only close family members knows him as Ikechukwu

Me: He is igbo?

Mirabel: Yea, he's Father is igbo,,, he married my Aunt, my Dad's younger sister

Me: Okay,,, i see

Mirabel: Yea, enough talking about my cousin and let's talk about us

Me: I like him

Mirabel: I can see that, but u don't know him

Me: I've heard a lot about him already, i love his story which is like a fairy-tale and he saved my a$$ from that videotape that could be scandalous,,,, i really do like him a lot already

Mirabel: Okay then, I shall let u have a video chat with him on Skype when we get to school

Me: That would be great dear

Mirabel: Yea, and could be annoying too

Me: How do u mean?

Mirabel: U are dating his favourite sister Victor,,, be good is all i will tell u

Me: Now you're scaring me

Mirabel: (Laughs) Don't be scared, just don't break his sister's heart,,,,  he has been very stubborn right from time. He promised me that he will deal with any guy so severely that will break my heart and make me cry. I just hope it doesn't come to that 'coz i know what he can do.

Me: I understand, i will the same for my sister. Excuse me love lemme bade my Parents good night

Mirabel: Ok your Dad is back?

Me: Yea

Mirabel: Good for u unlike mine

Me: Well that's for now, he might travel again anytime soon

Mirabel: U have no idea

Me: What do mean?

Mirabel: U don't worry, I'm working on something and it's pending as it is

Me: Hhmmmm... U and this your surprises u don't share with me

Mirabel: Relax dear, its for good or don't u trust me anymore?

Me: It's really not about trust sweetheart, it's about sharing. U know, sharing of ideas, problems, feelings and all that

Mirabel: Ok, yea that's how it should be, i've read something like that before. Hhmmm... U read so much

Me: Thanks to my conversion that gave me the chance

Mirabel: I see... uhmmm

Me: Be right back lemme greet my Parents good night then we continue

Mirabel: Okay...

After hanging up, I rushed to the living room. Dad was working with his computer while momma was watching her 9pm phillippians telenovela and Nancy has long gone into her room. I bade them good night then rushed back to my room and found my phone ringing. I checked it but it was an unknown caller.

Me: Hello

Caller: Hi Victor,,, long time No see

** It was a feminine voice**

Me: Yes i guess, sorry who're u?

Caller: Even though u blocked my other line, yet u dunno my voice?

I can only remember blocking Lola's number and the voice i was hearing sounded like hers.

Me: It'd be good if u tell me who u are now because i have something important to get back to

Caller: By something important u mean Mirabel?

**Of course its Lola, who else**

Me: Lola?

Caller: It's me dear

Me: What do u want?

Lola: Awwww that's so harsh, don't be like that. I bet u look cute on that face you're putting on right now

Me: Lola i ask again, what do u want?

Lola: Come on Victor, let's talk, it's been a while

Me: Talk about what?

Lola:  I know what Mirabel did, she told me everything. How u freaked out and all that

Me: I know that made u happy, but it's in the past now, it's all over

Lola: Are u sure about that?

Me: Of course, or u have something else to say?

Lola: Not really

Me: Okay, i got to go now

Lola: It's okay, i shall get back to u. Don't even think of blocking this line, because u won't enjoy the outcome of it
Me: What? (Laughed) are u threatening me? what are u talking about?

Lola: I won't say much buh, all i will say to u this night is that,,,, what u think is over is not yet started!

Me: What?

**She hanged up**

Me: Hellooo? Lola?!

I tried to call her back but it was switched off. I really don't get it, what was she talking about? she seems to know what she's talking about and sure of herself. Oh no i hate stuffs like this! I hate problems!!
Lola left me in a worried mood, I know she could be dangerous from her desperation. I wish this was a film trick. Maybe i should start writing about my life, after all i've always loved writing. I shall write about my life because it looks like a movie.
I couldn't speak with Mirabel that night because of my current mood, so i texted her to let her know that something came up. Then i started thinking and imagining things with my heart full of worries.

??? TO BE CONTINUED ???

>>

During a recent password audit, it was found that Santa was using the following password on his office desktop system:

BittuPappuLuckyHappySonuPinkyRaniGuddi

Office Aministrator: Why such a long password?

Santa: Because the policy states that it has to be at least 8 characters long.Related

AKPOS SHOWS A LADY THAT HE IS A NO NONSENSE MAN
Akpos sits next to a girl on a table in a hotel
Akpos: hello madam?
Lady: what is it?
Akpos: sorry madam , just wanted to ask what the
time is on your watch? Lady: ehee …now you think my watch is used as a
public clock huh? Go away and stop wasting my time
Akpos: but madam
Lady: shut up!!!
Akpos takes out his Apple phone and makes call
Akpos: hello John I just settled from Washington D.C can you please tell me what time it is right now so
that I set my clock to the local time since it still reads
American time? *she listens*
Ok, thank you and today don’t forget to come for the
galaxy tablet that you requested * she listens*
Since my girl is still in America bring me a beautiful girl to spend my money with tonight Ok bye
Lady: sir the time is ….
Akpos: shut up !!!!!
One word for akpors!



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-18 18:42:12

440 Views




On a crowded bus, Banta noticed that Santa had his eyes closed. “What’s the matter? Are you sick?” he asked.
“No, I’m okay. It’s just that I hate to see old ladies standing”, replied Santa.Related

Assuming you wake up one morning and type www.nairajokes.com to check on one of your favourite story and you receive this message

"Dear fan, Nairajokes is on xmas break. Check back 2016"

Be sincere, how will you feel?

I need smilies only


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-21 08:05:07

373 Views



insult [Read it]


A nursing mother entered a bus going to ring road and as she was about to come down the bus driver said madam your son is very ugly the woman became angry ???? and told a passersby and the passersby said you know what? Go and beat the driver while I hold your monkey ???? for you


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-07-06 14:18:32

651 Views




The biggest search you must make in life is to establish the reason why you are here; in other words, identify the purpose of your life. Your purpose is the reason for your existence on earth. You are not an accident or merely the decision of your parents to be here. You were born by the careful design and programming of your Creator.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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(chating) girl-how va guy-i dey jor girl-God i don forget how dem dey spell 'problem' sha(chating with anoda friend) girl-Abeg spell 'problem' for me friend-sebi u don spell am urself (One word for the girl)


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-10 19:55:49

426 Views




LIC AGNT-Kya aapne lund ka beema krvaya,

SNTA-Q?

AGNT-Agr aapka lund kam na kare to aapki wife ko wahi sewa hum denge.

SANTA-To aap meri biwi ki chut ka kar do!Related

Continue part*****

I might have sleft off while thinking,I look around me to see if I have been dreaming but no I wasn't it was real, I took my phone and found ten missed calls from Mimi, I could have called her back but I was too sacred to call, what if lmada has told her everything and she is just calling to hear my side of the story or maybe cut of the wedding,I was just confused I try to comfort myself but it wasn't working,who do I call the only person that knows of my secret was my friends and my parents but I can't call them now,I was till in my thought when my doorbell ring,I look at the time it was 7:30 who could be looking for me by this time and why will my gateman open up for someone when I haven't given him the permission to do so, well that's me for you I don't allow visitors that much.

I got up sluggishly and went to open the door,just as I feared mimi was standing at my door looking at me with a weary eyes, it seems she has been crying. "Is it true" she asked,at once I knew lmada have told her,there was nothing to hide anymore I looked at her in silents, "tell me is it true that you where the once that raped my sister,answer me" she was at the top of her voice ,I just didn't know what to say I left her at the door and went inside, she followed me shouting, I tried to find the words to say but I couldn't find any, she was till shouting asking me questions, my head was ringing so loud,it was like durm is been played inside my head,with the shouting of mimi it was like adding patrol to fire, "tell me uyi" she kept saying, "yes I did it" I didn't even know when that came out, she kept quite at once "I am so sorry mimi, but I can explain" tear was now gathering around my eyes,I tryed to hold her but she push me away then start working to the door "mimi" my heart was beating so fast, she turned, I can see the tear rolling down her cheek "I thought we would be happy together but I was wrong" she look at her finger and removed the ring, i would see my world crashing down,she put it on my couch, "mimi please don't do this please" I can see myself crying "it over uyi don't ever come near me ever again" she left immediately, is this really happening, I try to stop the tear that was falling from my eyes but it seems I was wasting my energy because the tear itself wants to come out,I sat on the floor,Is this my punishment,my body was on fire and I needed to cool down, I got up took my car key that was when I saw the ring,I pick it up and place it in my pocket.

I couldn't remember when last I went to a bar but I really need it,I drank some few bottles of Heineken then I went home,I won't say I was drank but I know I was high,but not too high not to be able to drive home,as soon as I got home I landed on the bed and I was off to another planet.

I woke up the next day at about 8:30 I wasn't sure of going to work that day,I pick my phone and called mimi but she wasn't replying,I even sent her an SMS but till no response,I lay on my bed not knowing what to done next,I later got up took my bath,I wasn't hungry ,I put the ring on my necklace to keep it close to my heart I wasn't giving up on mimi I have to try to get her back.

I came out of my house and was about to enter my car when I saw some group of police men of about four walked passed my gateman and came to me. "Good morning sir are you Mr uyi omorodion " one of the police man asked, "yes how may I help you"I just pray it isn't what am thinking, "you are invited to the station for questioning please kindly come with us", (invitation to the police station where e for dey happen),I kingly obeyed them I really don't want them to drag me like a criminal, two of them drove with me while the other two drove alone.

I know deep down this wasn't just an invitation so I have to go full prepared, I called my lawyer immediately who told me he will meet up with me there, I knew with my lawyer on my side nothing bad could happened, his name is Barr.Wilson,he is one of the top lawyers in Abuja, I just hope this has nothing to do with lmada.

Leave your comments
And read next part

Part 22






NAIRAJOKES.COM




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COPY CAT [Read it]


an illitrate woman gave birth to a set of twins (boy nd girl) and promised she must give the girl a name to match what ever the husband gives to the boy.the husband knowing she is not literate tried to guide her through with examples like ,"emmanuel=emmanuela,gabriel=gabriela etc"..the day of the naming ceremony came and the couple went to the church with full confidence of a great matching name for the twin babies..the pastor asked, "what are there names".?the man proudly went to the mic and with the boy in his arms he proudly said, i name you EBO.the woman went after him,carried the girl up and said "i name you EBOLA.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-09 17:17:47

584 Views




Akpos was owing his landlord,
3years house rent.
Akpos always come back at
nights and he will sneek through
the window and enter his room
every night. The landlord could not
be able to
get him at day time, so he
decided to call him on phone.
grin......grin. ....grin....., that is akpos
phone ringing.
Akpos noticed that it's his
landlord that is calling him on
phone.
Akpors changed his voice and he
picked-up the call.
Akpors: Hello....this is
"G.S.M"....General-Service-mochuary..
If you need an ambulance press 1.
If you have a dead body with you
press 2.
If your mother is dead and you
want us to send an ambulance to you
press 3.
If you your child is dead press 4.
we also have many seize of
coffin,
To get one for your self press 5.
Or press 0 to talk to one of our
costomers representative' s.
Landlord: abeg na wrong number
oooooo.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-13 21:00:57

286 Views



Ignorant Akpos [Read it]


Akpos' wife was pregnant and the following conversation ensued:  


WIFE: Darling, guess what? 


AKPOS: What?


WIFE: I went for the scan today and the scan revealed that I'm pregnant with a set of twins.


AKPOS: Really? Two babies?


WIFE: (excited) Yes!


AKPOS: So who is the father of the second child? 


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-26 13:40:20

396 Views




Some movie producers went to use
someone's house to shoot a movie scene. They
needed
someone to act the role of a gate man so they
offered the
house boy Akpos at the house some money to act the
role. The
director gave Akpos a cutlass and told him
to give a
pretense chase after the star actor who was
acting the
role of a thief. "If you hear me say "action"
make you
run after am o, just do as I say... you hear?"
Akpos
nodded in affirmation. Na so Director shout
"action", and
the star actor took off and Akpos began to
pursue him
round the compound, as dem dey reach fence
na so
director shouted "cut, cut, cut"!
O'boy!!!!! Star actor still dey hospital ooo!



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-05 18:45:47

180 Views



Chicken [Read it]


An idiot decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with.

A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died.

A month later he was back at the dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died.

"But I think I know where I'm going wrong," said the idiot, "I think I'm planting them too deep."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-10-14 11:11:28

552 Views



Teenage Love. [Read it]


**PART ONE**
CHAPTER 1…….
It was a bright saturday morning
on the 7th of september 2013.
Akinola oluwasegun was walking
along a popular street in Ibadan,
Oyo state. He was dressed in a
white T-shirt and a black pant
trouser and a black vickers shoe.
He was on his way to Loyola
College, a government owned
secondary school around Agodi
gate GRA Ibadan for his WAEC GCE
exam.
He entered into the school
compound and walked towards
the school building. Being his
first paper English Language, he
had no idea of where the
examination hall was situated.
So, he had to ask for help from
other candidates who had come
the previous days for chemistry
practicals and Commerce. He
walked up to a girl seated on the
staircase reading to ask for the
help.
“Hello, good morning.” he
greeted.
“Good morning.” she replied.
“Please, are you here for exam?”
he asked.
“Yeah.” she replied.
“Okay. Please, which way is the
examination hall.” He asked.
“I don’t know. This is my first
time here.” She answered.
(disappointed) “Okay, lets ask
others the way to the exam hall.”
He adviced.
“Okay.” She replied standing up
and dusting her skirt.
*TEN MINUTES LATER*
The invigillator walked into the
exam hall carrying a green sack
with the inscription; WEST
AFRICAN EXAMINATION COUNCIL.
No 62. He was accompanied by
five teachers of the school.
A laptop was removed and with
a thumb printing device attached
to it.
“Line up for your biometrics.”
one of the teachers barked.
After the completion of the
biometrics. The candidates were
asked to sit down according to
their numbers. The answer
booklets and the question
papers were first distributed
before the attendance was
marked. The paper lasted two
and a half hours. The paper
ended by 11:30am and they
were given 3hours break before
the commencement of the paper
2&3(objectives & the Test of
Orals respectively).
Outside the examination hall,
students were seen in group,
some in fours, in fives and so on
discussing and arguing over the
just concluded paper.
Oluwasegun(segun for short)
wast sitting alone under a big
three near the school football
pitch. He was flipping through
the pages of the WAEC English
language past question. Just then
someone tapped him from
behind. He looked up and saw
his cousin Omolayo Akinola.
He stood up and hugged her.
“What are you doing here?” he
asked.
“I came to greet my friends
writing their exam here. She
answered.
“Where is your centre?”
“Ikolaba grammar school.”she
replied.
“Most of my friends are in that
centre.”he said.
“Are you the only one here?” she
asked.
“Yes, am the only one here from
my school.”he answered.
“You must be feeling lonely
o.”she said.
“Yeah”………
The gisted for like ten minutes
before Omolayo stood up to go,
“Let me introduce you to my
friends over there.” she said
pointing to a group of 2 boys
and 4 girls gisting.
He stood up and followed her
towards the group. Immediately
they saw them approach they
stopped talking.
“Where have you been? One of
her friends jummy asked
Omolayo suspiciously.
Ignoring her question. “Meet my
cousin, Segun. Segun meet my
friends.” she introduced.
“Hi guys.” he greeted.
“Hi.” They chorused.
They all hung around till it was
1:30pm, 30minutes before the
next paper.
“Bro, i think we should get going
so, we won’t be late.” Omolayo
said.
“Alright, bye. Segun answered.
Omolayo left with four of her
friends remaining two who were
also in segun’s centre. Among
which was Jummy.
–to be continued–


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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An investment counselor decided to go out on her
own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business
kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that
she needed an in-house counsel. She began to
interview young lawyers. "As I'm sure you can understand," she started off
with one of the first applicants, "in a business like
this, our personal integrity must be beyond
question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Peterson, are
you an honest lawyer?" "Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you
something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that
my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I
paid back every penny the minute I tried my very
first case." "Impressive. And what sort of case was that?" The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He
sued me for the money."#AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-20 00:35:18

427 Views




An armed robber came to ur house,robbed u nd then gave u a gun to shoot and kill ur wife. Suddenly uWent on urknees pleading u cant bcos ulove her wholeheartedly. Then the angry robber collected the gun and gave itto ur wife quickly she collected the gun,pointed at u and pulled the trigger unfortunetly there was no bullet the robber collected the gun laughed and left . Friends be honest after this encounter what will u do if this woman happen to be ur wife?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-06 01:51:20

784 Views



Full Bed Bath [Read it]


The nursing student, on her first rotation in the ICU, had to give a patient a full bed bath. She had never given one before and was terribly nervous about it.To make matters worse, the patient was a gentleman in his late sixties who had been admitted after a heart attack. As se nervously set her equipment up, she confessed to the patient that she had never given a full bed bath before.“I’ll tell you what,” he said, “how about if you wash as far down as possible, and as far up as possible, and then I’ll wash possible?”Related

Sevengether [Read it]


One day some thives went to rob a bank, on there way back they were attack by another set of armed robbers. They were shooting each other at a distance, durring the exchange of bullet, allmost all the thieves that robbed the bank were killed, now remaining only one of them, he throw all the money inside the bush, because there is high probability that he is going to die in the battle and he don't want those attaking them to achieve thier aim.
Seven young men were comming from work and they discorver the money. Two of those young men (Thomson and Dapo) finished there secondary education, while one of them Akpos left school at prymary three, while the rest never attended school before.
Thomson: what are we going to do now?
Dapo: we will share together.
Akpos on hearing together which sounds as 2gether become angry
Akpos: no way the money is going to be shared 7gether, don't you know we are seven in number? you thieve! the rest illitrate joined him in the protest.
WHO EDUCATION IS NOT GOOD


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-19 08:29:08

448 Views




The best way to teach people is by telling a story.Related

Full Bed Bath [Read it]


The nursing student, on her first rotation in the ICU, had to give a patient a full bed bath. She had never given one before and was terribly nervous about it.To make matters worse, the patient was a gentleman in his late sixties who had been admitted after a heart attack. As se nervously set her equipment up, she confessed to the patient that she had never given a full bed bath before.“I’ll tell you what,” he said, “how about if you wash as far down as possible, and as far up as possible, and then I’ll wash possible?”Related

BLIND BY NATURE EPISODE 13 (STORY BY DINDY)
Please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this story…
.
Julian’s dad: “yea I know but you are helpless for now so zip up your mouth little girl”, he said in an amusing way.
Julian: “gosh, you are so unbelievably annoying sometimes old man”, she said rolling her eyes.
Julian’s dad: “what did you just call me?”, he asked her.
Julian: ” I said young beautiful man”, she said then smiled.
Julian’s dad: “good girl, I thought I heard you say old man”, he said.
Julian: “I can’t call a beautiful young man like you ‘old man’, it would be a lie”, she said teasingly.
Julian’s dad: “(laughs) that’s my lovely girl”, he said happily.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> Julian and her dad were so very happy that they forgot that they were worried before, they also forgot that they were going somewhere before the accident happened.
Doctor: Opens a door and says, “there he is”.
Julian’s dad: “wow he breaths, thanks so much doc”, he said using his right hand to shake the doctor
Julian:” Where is he dad?”, she asked her dad.
Julian’s dad: “he is right in front of us Julian but there is a glass window in front”, he said to his daughter Julian.
[WRITER SPEAK]=> After he spoke to Julian his attention went back to the doctor, this time he removed his left hand from Julian’s left shoulder to talk to the doctor, Julian was now left to stand alone.
[JULIAN’S THOUGHTS]=> I need to get close to the glass window, I better be careful since I am not with my guard-stick.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> Julian walked away from where her dad stood slowly to touch the glass window. She walked slowly and calmly until she finally touched the glass window.
[JULIAN’S THOUGHTS]=> I am so happy you are alive, what I wish to do now is to talk to you and to know you, I can’t believe it’s me saying this, you have truly infected me with your face stranger.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> She stood there smiling in a beautiful way with sparkles in her glorious eyes.
Julian’s dad: “Doc I have to say thank you for all you did for me”, he said shaking the doctor again but this time with both hands.
Doctor: “no need to thank me, I am nothing but a mere mortal that was use to save another mortal’s life”, said the doctor smiling.
Julian’s dad: “so doc like how many days do you think he will remain like this?”, he asked..
Doctor: ” well sir this young man is a strong and tough young man, he is a real fighter”, he said.
Doctor: ” he just needs some few days to recover a little, but don’t worry he will be fine”, said the doctor.
Julian’s dad: “that’s a great news”, said Julian’s dad with a smile.
Doctor:”ok sir I have to go now, need to attend to other patient”, said the doctor as he made his step out.
Julian’s dad: “ok sir”, he said moving his body forward and backward.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> he turns to Julian and saw how she stood so close to the glass window.
Julian’s dad: “I know you wish you could see him and wish you could see him breath”, he said as he walked closely to Julian.
Julian: She came back to reality then said “yes dad, I just wish I could see him”.
Julian’s dad: ” don’t worry dear it won’t take too long”, said Julian’s dad as he held Julian by the hand.
Julian: “I just pray he recovers quickly so that you can be at peace dad”, she said.
Julian’s dad: “yea he will, the doctor said he needs a few days to recover a little and that he is a strong young man”, he said.
Julian’s dad: “so don’t worry dear, everything is alright”, he said smiling.
Julian: “ok dad”, said Julian smiling.
Julian: “Dad I just remembered something”, said Julian.
Julian’s dad: ” what is it dear?”, he asked with a wondering face.
Julian: “dad remember mum said we should go to the supermarket to get stuffs she needs to prepare dinner”, she said.
Julian’s dad: “ohhhhh d**n, I totally forgot”, said Julian’s dad in shock.
Julian’s dad: “let me check my phone and see whether she might have called”, Said Julian’s dad deeping his right hand into him front pocket.
Julian’s dad: “oh shit I forgot it in the car”, he said with a face in shock.
Julian: “That is a bad news, mum gonna kill you for not picking her calls”, she said smiling.
Julian’s dad: “please Julian let’s quickly go pay the bills and go to the car”, he said pulling Julian away from the glass slowly.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> Julian’s dad and Julian walked slowly to the reception and made the necessary payment he had to do. After the payment he and Julian went straight to his car.
Julian’s dad: “watch your head Julian”, said Julian’s dad helping her to push her head into the car.
Julian: “thanks dad”, she said sitting.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> Julian’s dad quickly walked to the driver seat side, when he got into his car he picked up his phone and unlock it.
Julian’s dad: “Julian I am in deep trouble”, he said in a troubled tone.
Julian: “mum called right?”, she asked smiling.
Julian’s dad: “yes she did”, he said.
Julian: “how many missed calls?”, she asked with a grin on her face.
Julian’s dad: “twenty eight missed calls”, he said in a low tone.
Julian: ” ‘laughs’…you are so dead old man”, she said laughing.
Julian’s dad: “c’mon girl don’t start again”, he said in a low tone.
Julian: “sorry dad, so what are you gonna do about it?”, she asked still keeping her smile.
Julian’s dad: “well I have to call her but you are gonna be the one to talk to her because if I do she is gonna slam me with questions and complains”, he said in a pleading tone.
Julian: “ok dad but only on one condition”, she said putting up an evil look.
Julian’s dad: ” ok dear anything, I will do anything”, he said very fast.
Julian: “i won’t tell you what it is until the time comes, then I will remind you”, she said.
Julian’s dad: ” whatsoever it is I will do it just help me out here please”, said Julian’s dad pleading.
Julian: “ok dad, give me your phone”, she said throwing her left hand towards her dad’s side to collect his phone.
Julian’s dad: ” thanks, here is it”, he said dialling his wife’s number and placing the phone on Julian’s left hand.
Julian: “I hope you dialed the number?”, she asked.
Julian’s dad: “yes i did, what do you take me for? An old man”, he said playfully.
Julian: She place the phone on her left ear then In a low tone replied her dad saying, “yes”.
Julian’s dad: “sorry I didn’t get what you said, do you mind repeating it?”, he asked raising an eyebrow.
Julian: “I said no, happy now?”, she asked smiling.
Julian’s dad: “yes I am, you are luc……”, his words were cut short my Julian.
Julian: “quiet old man, mum just picked the call”, she said very fast closing the mouthpiece of the phone with her right hand.
Julian’s dad: Gives a low eyes look then said in a very low tone “hmm you just called me old man”.
Julian: “hello young lady”,she said giving her dad the tongue out…………to be continue……STORY BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI………whatsapp number:07087750433…. [email protected]@gmail.com or
[email protected] facebook namessy nnamdi…….Skype: 07087750433 or [email protected].[email protected]@ossynnamdi


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KENNY: My Dad is the most important
person in this country because the
President of Nigeria himself calls him
every night JUNIOR: What does your dad do? KENNY: He's a Minister. JUNIOR: Well, my dad is the most
important person that even the
President himself sits with his head
bowed in front of my dad. KENNY: Wow! What is does your dad do? JUNIOR: He's a barber.
#BOLLY_SMART ?? ? ? ? ? ??™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-22 02:21:18

485 Views



500 NAIRA [Read it]


So, yesterday I took a girl out on a date
and after we finished eating, I went to
pay for the food we ate, the waiter
didn't have 500 naira change to give
me. I asked the girl to sit let's wait for
the waiter to go look for change and surprisingly she said I was embarrassing
her, that I should act like a big Guy and
leave the change for the waiter... Is she crazy?! Is she mad?! Does she
know the things 500 naira can do? I
guess she doesn't. Well, let me
highlight few of the things 500 naira
can do in case she doesn't know... 500 naira can buy you 5 loaves of bread
and two fishes, if you are lucky to have
Jesus around, you will feed 5000
people... It's that the money she want
me to leave? Sardine = N150, indomie (hungry man
size) = N100, 2 eggs = N60, plastic Coke
= 100. Total N410, and you say 500
naira is small money? I'll use 500 naira to buy 3 albums and
good earpiece? Rice N100, beans N50, meat N100,
plastic malt N100 and remaining 150 to
play Nairabet... and she says 500 naira is
chicken change? I swear she's not well. I hope she knows that half carton of
Indomie noodles is N500 naira. Do you know how many players Arsene
Wenger of Arsenal will buy with 500
Naira? The most annoying thing is that it's
possible this girl has never given 500
naira offering for church On a serious note, you won't know the
value of 500 naira, until you borrow
500 naira credit from MTN and you have
to pay back.
#BOLLY_SHOW™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-25 13:54:55

462 Views




That day I ate around 10pm in the night.
If not for that Okpa and sachet water I bought
earlier in the day, I wonder what would have
become of me.
My madam came back with her husband and
dished some jollof rice into my plate and handed
it to me.
I thanked her and sat on the mortar to eat.
The food was still warm and delicious not
minding the fact that it was cooked early in the
morning before the incident with the white woman
took place.
I ate fast and then had the plate washed and kept
on the rack to dry…
*************************************
The next day was a saturday and unfortunately
for me I didn’t wake up early.
I was very tired and exhausted when I went to
bed the past night so I didn’t know when morning
came.
The fury which the piece of wire landed on my
neck this time around was ten times more painful
than I had ever felt before in my life.
I screamed so loud that my madam’s husband
ran into my room to find out what was happening
to me.
As soon as my madam heard her husband’s
footstep approaching, she threw the piece of wire
under my bed and frowned at me as warning not
to talk.
“What’s the problem?” My madam’s husband
asked as soon as he got to my room.
I kept quiet sobbing hysterically.
“Why are you crying?” He asked again staring at
me.
For a reply, I sobbed the more.
“Darling why is she crying?” He asked facing his
wife – my madam.
Madam kept silent.
“Can someone please tell me what is happening
here?” Madam’s husband insisted.
I didn’t talk, madam didn’t talk.
In anger, the husband stormed out of the room
and into their master’s bedroom…

Drop your comments below








NAIRAJOKES.COM




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May the New Year ring in lots of love, happy tidings, good health and loads of blessings for you and your family!

Happy New Year!Related

An old man on crowded bus has trouble finding a seat. The bus careened down the avenue, shaking the passengers from left to right, and the old man, unable to support himself properly with his cane, fell to the floor.


Little Johnny, sitting nearby, looked down at him and said, “If you put a little rubber cap on the end of your cane, you wouldn’t fall like that.


The old man looked up and replied, “If your daddy had done the same, I would have a place to sit on this stupid bus.”Related

Nigerian women and how they address
their husbands with pet names. When he gives her N500,000 upward:
She calls him Sweetheart. When he gives her N400,000: She calls
him Sweety. When he gives her N300,000: She calls
him Honey. When he gives her N200,000: She calls
him Dear. When he gives her N100,000: She calls
him by their first child name... e.g
Daddy Junior. When he gives her N50,000: She calls
him Mr. John. When he gives her N25,000: She calls
him Mr man. When he gives her N5,000: She calls him
by name; e.g Johnny. When he gives her N500: She calls him
This man. When he gives her lower than N500:
She calls him with a sound... e.g
"wooosi", "phuuuuu", "hissssss".#BOLLY_SMART®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-15 23:47:30

207 Views




Seriously, this is really something. I need to
decide fast on the offer. What negative thing
can happen if I accept? Nothing I could think
of.
What negative thing can happen if I don’t
accept? Many things such as:
?Mirabel will feel sad
?She will get disappointed if I
should turn down her offer
?She worked really hard to get the
place cleaned up just to please
me.
?And I will spend alot of money to
get my own house, and to furnish
it to my taste.
Me: Mirabel uhmmm…
Mirabel: What?
Me: U see uhmmm… don’t U think that
ermmm… U know,,,, it doesn’t seem right
Mirabel: Why so?
Me: Its your Aunt’s matrimonial home, I think
its not right to keep your boyfriend here
Mirabel: I won’t call it their matrimonial home
‘coz they never lived here married.
Me: How’s that?
Mirabel: My Aunt’s husband lived here as a
bachelor. They were never here as a married
couple not even spending the night here
together…
Me: Ok. Buh what if they should come back
soon?
Mirabel: U worry too much Victor. Let me take
care of that. Besides they won’t be here any
sooner.
Me: Great! Wow!! This is awesome!!!
I accept it my love,,, this is really Cool
Mirabel: U like it?
Me: Are U kidding? This is great! I love it!!
Mirabel: Glad U like it. Come lemme show U
around
Me: Thanks Love
Mirabel: Anything for U
She toured me around the vicinity hand in
hand telling me this and that. There were
flowering garden in the environment, a gym, 4
bedrooms, a big sitting room and lots of home
appliances such as: a big plasma TV, home
theatre, big fridge filled with groceries, a
CWAY and much more. I was so exited that I
demonstrated my appreciation on her. We
kissed and romanced from chair to chair in the
sitting room for many minutes almost an hour.
On leaving the place…
Me: Everything seems to be complete here,
what do I do with my stuffs?
Mirabel: I dunno. U decide since you’re good
in decision-making
Me: I want to hear your own opinion first, I
might use it
Mirabel: For me, just give them out
Me: Huh?
Mirabel: Give them out (not joking)
Me: I think I will decide what to do with them
Mirabel: Whatever Mr. Decider
Me: Iffa catch U
Mirabel: Oya na
She starts running through the garden, I ran
after her. She wasn’t a good runner though, I
just intentionally slowed down. She ran
towards the house there I closed up on her.
She hanged on the wall, holding her head
begging me to forgive her. Her sweet
screaming took my mind else where. I start
touching her play-play asking her if she’d try
me again which she answers no every time I
ask. Buh the love play-play increased the size
of little vame buh I didn’t complain Lol.
I freed her buh she starts making mouth again
**that kind thing na**
This time I catch her right arm, bend it from
her back which made her to scream out and
as well, bring forth her a$$ colliding it with
little vame’s territory,,,, that kind feeling eh.
The more I bend her hand, the closer her a$$
towards vame’s territory until I finally freed
her ‘coz little vame couldn’t take it no more.
Mirabel: Break my hand and see who would
prepare fried rice for U
Me: That’s why I didn’t broke it
Mirabel: Hhmmm… didn’t know U play like this
Me: I only play with my girlfriend like that
Mirabel: Was that why an invincible leg of
yours struggled to get visible?
Me: I dunno what you’re talking about…..
come on, lets go jare
Mirabel: **Laughs**
Chai! She felt it…
From there we bade ourselves goodbye then
departed the area.
???? ???? ????
I moved into the house two days later, I sold
the stuffs in my former house which got me
more money. I even sold out the room to a
student from the hostel. I sold some things to
him on discount such as: bed & pillows and
ward rope. I gave him my cooking utensils for
free.
We started our exams the following week, I did
very well ‘coz I jack very hard with little or no
distraction. Mirabel, Promise and I created a
reading session. We read together, teach each
other, ask each other questions as revisions.
With the company of those two brilliant girls,
reading won’t be a problem.
We wrote three exams in two weeks, enough
time to study and do whatever. The exams
didn’t stop me from seeing Mirabel though.
We visit each other, she sleeps in my place
buh I don’t sleep at her place.
I loved my new environment, no noise,
suitable for reading, I can watch movies as I
like,,, I got D.S.T.V, I could play music as
loud as I want using my home theatre and as
well, play my P.S (video game) peacefully and
easily with cheats though. My fridge,,, oh
my… Too much yoghurts, chicken, eggs, milk
and so on… I don’t lack them. I expanded my
ward rope, added some shoes and
accessories.
Even those Mirabel’s bodyguards gave me my
respect as Mirabel always come with them
when coming to visit me.
Lemme tell U what happened…
But on the next episode…
??? TO BE CONTINUED. ???

>>Part 29- nairajokes.com/m//view_joke.php?id=4861

A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.

-Lao TzuRelated

WHICH NUMBER IS THE FUNIEST ?
Six Laughs:
No1: A man was so jealous of his newly born baby that
he
put poison on the wife's nipples while she was asleep. The
next day their driver died of poisoning.
***************
***********************
No2: A man is dying of cancer, but keeps telling people
he is dying of AIDS. His son asked his Dad why. He answered,
"so
that when I am dead, no one will sleep with your
mum."
******************************
******** No3: A lady lost three panties in her house and blamed
her
maid in front of the husband. Maid said "sir. you are my
witness you know I never wear panties!"
************************************
No4: Couple is having a quickie and their 6 year old catches
them. Son says: "What are you doing?" Ask the son.
Father:
"I’m putting petrol in your Mom." Son: " Which means
Mom’s
engine is taking too much petrol cause Mr. Zwane just put
some in yesterday!" Mother fainted!!!!
************************************
No5: A man went to the pub with his wife. When he left
for
the counter to buy drinks a prostitute approached his wife &
whispered, "You must DEMAND cash before sex, I know
him
he doesn't pay. ******************************
******
No6: An 8 year old boy is accused of rape. In court his lady
lawyer holds his dick out as evidence saying, "Your
Honour
see this, can he rape* with this tiny tot?"The boy
whispers,
"Don't shake it, we'll lose the case!" *************** ***********************
Now that you've smiled, don't be stingy with the smiles,
share them........
DROP YOUR COMMENT AND TELL US THE MOST FUNNY
ONE AMONG THEM


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-07 19:54:50

472 Views




A virgin is someone who has never had sexual intercourse or sexual activity.
Virginity In Yoruba Culture
During the traditional era and before the advent of colonialism, virginity was held at high esteem among the Yoruba people. A lady is expected to get married as a virgin as having sexual intercourse before the wedding ceremony is a taboo. This is the reason why the intending couple are not allowed to have close contact or be in the same room with each other before the D-day: thus, the need for an intermediary (Alarina).

Virginity to them is known as ‘Ibale’ and it is the pride of any Yoruba lady to keep hers till her wedding night.The wedding night is usually seen as a frightened day for the bride and her parents. In those days, mothers were fond of asking their daughters about their virginity so as to prevent the shame and disgrace that come with not been a virgin.
On the wedding night, a white cloth is usually given to the couple and the cloth will be spread on their bedding, mostly mats. The parents of both families sometimes stay at the entrance of the house waiting for the cloth to be brought out of the house while some parents will be in their homes expecting result. In this culture, the white cloth is expected to be stained by blood and after the sexual intercourse, if the cloth is stained, it means that the new bride is a virgin. If it turns out that the white cloth is not stained with blood, it signifies that the new bride had been promiscuous and slept with a man before.

A bride that is met as a virgin by her husband will be celebrated while the one that is not will be disgraced and banished from the village. The white cloth (stained or not) will be sent to the bride’s parents. Other items like rotten yam, half-filled matches or empty box of matches, half keg of palm wine will also be sent to them meaning that their daughter was rotten and not complete before she was married. The parents will be publicly blamed for not training their daughter. Grief, sorrow and loud cries will follow suit. Such bride that will sweep the whole village, dance naked in the market’s place before she finally leaves her village. The groom also has the right to divorce such a woman.
On the other hand, if the newly-wed was met as a virgin, the groom’s family will send a full keg of palm wine, full matches box to the bride’s parents indicating that their daughter was complete before the wedding night. She will be praised publicly and her parents will be happy. It is believed that virgins have self-discipline and are well-trained by their parents.
This custom and virginity has many advantages as it prevent the rate of fornication and helps the married women to be faithful with their husbands. Also, many lives have been lost to the act. Some young ladies have committed suicide because of the shame. Highly respected or elders can also commit suicide if their daughter was found to have lost her virginity before her marriage. This tradition is no longer in practice and has eaten deep by colonilisation.

IBALE(VIRGINITY)....ITS ALL ABOUT A MAIDEN FROM HER VILLAGE TO THE UNIVERSITY, SHE KEEPS HER VIRGINITY THROUGHOUT HER LIFE, BUT WHEN SHE GET TO THE UNIVERSITY SHE HAVE TO FIGHT VERY HARD IN ORDER NOT TO LOSE IT BECAUSE IT'S A LAW AND AN OAT MAKE BY THE ANCESTORS AND MUST NOT MISTAKENLY BE BROKEN BY ANY HOW GUY IF NOT THEIR HUSBAND

WILL THE MAIDEN LOSE HER VIRGINITY?
WHO WILL DISVIRGIN HER?
WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF HER SEAL HIS BROKEN?
WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE GUY WHO BREAK IT?
WHAT'S IS BEHIND THE LAW AND THE OAT?
WHAT CAUSES THE LAW AND THE OAT?

STAY TUNE FOR IBALE(VIRGINITY)







NAIRAJOKES.COM




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