Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:

Dirty Christmas [Read it]



1. Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?2. Wanna see my 12-inch elf? 3. I`ve got something special in the sack for you! 4. Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip? 5. I know when you've been bad or good ... so let's skip the small talk, sister!6. Some of my best toys run on batteries.7. Interested in seeing the "North Pole"? (Well, that's what the Mrs. calls it)8. I see you when you're sleeping ... and you don't wear any underwear, do you?9. Screw the "nice" list -- I've got you on my "naughty" list!10. Wanna join the "Mile High" club?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-07 12:41:54

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Akpos and death [Read it]


Death came to Akpos and said; Guy today is your day.

Akpos said: But I'm not ready.

Death said; Your name is the next on my list.

Akpos said; Okay, why don’t you sit down let me bring you something to eat before you take me.

Death said; All right.

Akpos gave death some food with sleeping pills in it.

Death finished eating and fell into a deep sleep.

Akpos took the list, removed his name from the top of the list and put it at the bottom of the list.

When death woke up he said to Akpos; Because you have been very nice to me, I will start from the BOTTOM of the list.

Akpos fainted



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-04 07:45:05

380 Views




It is what a man thinks of himself that really determines his fate.

-Henry DavidRelated

*Facebook addiction*



Person1: “Aapka beta kya karta hai?”

Person2: “Ji B.Tech kar li. Ab Page admin hai aur memes bnaata hai”


Person2: Aur aapki beti?”

Person1: “CA clear nahi hua. Aaj kal to DPs badalti hai”Related

My virgin story
Episode 12

The following evening I hit the streets. I
located the most popular brothel in town.
Today I was going to lose my innocence.
I had to numb my mind to the scornful
tales of love peddlers I had been told.
This ashii joint is a legend in the town. It
had been there ever since I remembered.
When I was in secondary school, we used
to pass in front of the two story building
and stare at the girls. Whenever our eyes
came into contact with one of them, we
would run away. We used to be scared of
the love peddlers then and you were
Super-brave if you dared enter the place.
Tonight, I had only one mission; to get
laid. I quickly settled in the spacious
compound of the hotel. The whole
environment was vulgar and enticing.
Outside the building, men sat down in
groups under canopies, drinking, smoking
and eating pepper soup. All around the
building and on the veranda upstairs,
young women with heavy make-up and in
different stages of nudity paraded
themselves, displaying their wares. Loud,
sensual music was playing in the
background. I could hear the lyrics; Waka
waka baby, Ashawo, ashawo, clearly from
the loud speakers. The whole place was
lit with coloured bulbs. I entered the
central bar inside the building and found
more girls. I ordered for a bottle of star
and settled down in a quiet corner; I
wanted to maintain a low profile. I
remembered hearing somewhere that
drinking a few bottles of Star before s-x
would prevent one from ejaculating early.
As I sipped my beer, I eyed the love
peddlers, surveying them one by one to
pick my choice. I soon found a suitable
one in no time.
After three bottles of star, I knew I was in
the mood for some action. I quickly
proceeded towards my prey, I called on
to her and she came to me. She was fair-
skinned and of average height. She had a
pretty face I must confess and a tiny
waist. The butts were well rounded and
big, and that was my delight. I asked her
name, she said Blessing and she is from
Akwa-Ibom. As she held my hand and
led me to her room, I kept wondering
what such a young, beautiful girl was
doing here but my thoughts soon faded
at the emergency of my rising manhood.
We quickly negotiated the price and
settled down to hot, steamy s-x.
She undressed quickly. I also undressed,
but leaving on my boxers. She started
kissing me all over the body except in
the mouth, they don’t do mouth kissing.
She caressed my body and licked my
n-----s, belly buttons and kissed my
neck. I became fully sexually aroused and
started caressing her body too. First I
squeezed her b----t and pinched the
n-----s. Then my fingers found their way
down to the thighs, and finally to the
womanhood. I rubbed on the c--t, then
slipped my finger inside. First one finger,
then another until I had four fingers
inside, fingering her. OMG, I was
surprised her K---y could take four
fingers at a time. She started moaning
because I was finally getting to her. She
grabbed my kini and started massaging. I
told her to give me a head, she said that
would cost extra. I quickly gave her the
money and she removed my boxers. Then
she proceeded to give me the fluting of
my life. She really did it like the pro that
she was, taking in the whole cylinder.
Then she told me to lay on the bed and
asked which style I wanted. I said I want
her to ride me the cowgirl style. She
quickly tore a condom and slipped it on
my ramrod stiff stick. Then she slid the
stick inside her p---y and started riding.
OMG the p---y was wide but penetration
was so fast and deep that it was still
pleasurable. She rode me in such a way
that when my stick comes out it brushes
the c--t on its way inside again. After
some time, she stood up and changed to
the reverse cowgirl style, backing me. The
thrusts were even faster this time. After
about fifteen minutes, she was wondering
why I hadn’t released. Then I told her to
change position. She laid on the bed and
I banged her missionary style.
As I bleeped her, several thoughts kept
going on in my mind. Finally I had lost
my innocence, but not in a special way. I
was enjoying the s-x, though I thought
the girl’s moans were exaggerated
because she’s a pro and she must have
had all manner of diks, many bigger than
mine. I asked her if she really felt me
that much or she was pretending. At that
point she stopped, looked me in the eyes
and confessed to me that she faked it.
Though she enjoyed the s-x, my dik
wasn’t just that big enough to make her
squirm. I was so nice to her and she
really wanted to make me feel good. That
was when I realized that the more you
use it, the bigger and more efficient it
becomes.
On my way back home, I realized
something had changed in me. Deep in
my heart I knew I was no more the nice
guy I used to be. I had treasured my
innocence for such a long time because I
believed in true love. I was always
seeking someone to love and cherish, not
someone to s-x. But that night,
everything changed. I realized I could
have all the s-x I wanted and not give a
d--n about any girl. All my search for
love had ended in betrayal,
disappointment and despair. I made up
my mind; from now on when I meet a
girl, I would seek first my own pleasure,
then all other things can be added on to
it. I was surprised that I felt calm and
happy coming to terms that love was
dead and pleasure was alive. I braced
myself for a life of hot, raunchy
sexcapades.
THE END


EPISODE 8 Continues...
Abisoko ran into the house screaming my name. I asked what the problem was. “Gbade, this is your opportunity now! Do it or?” Abisoko said. I asked what opportunity was. He said balikis was outside at their shop doing some cleaning. They said I should go bring her and have sex with her. I turned it down immediately. Uchenna was there. Both of them began quarrelling with me. “Since I refused to go for Balikis, I had never made any attempt on any other girl.” They said I was just wasting their time. Uchenna come talk say, whether I do it or not, he was still be going to Ibadan and if I didn’t do it, he would take the handkerchief of Abisoko and his alone. And wetin I see make I take. And he had warned me that right from the beginning, he had included my name. What they are doing, I must be part of it and if I didn’t, it would amount to grave consequences. I just kept quiet as they shouted at me. I thought about what Uchenna said. If I didn’t bring the handkerchief blood, will I die? Will any evil happen to me or my mom? And why didn’t I find anyone else till then! “Will any evil happen to balikis if I use her virgin blood.” Abeg I no want make any evil thing happen to her. “And what of after penetrating and she wasn’t a virgin?” What of if she no come gree nko? All that where my thoughts as Uchenna tapped me. He said he had just gone outside to call Balikis. And she said she was coming. So if I wan do anything, make I do am fast. The thought of doing balikis sef was disgusting.
Balikis came to the house and said Uchenna said I was calling her. I asked if she was doing anything at that moment. She said “yes.” She asked what we wanted her to do for us. I told her just a little thing. She said we should just give her about 5minutes to arrange the place, inside the uncompleted building close to our house. That is where they normally keep some of their items when leaving after the day. And she left. Na so we begin wait for balikis to come. 30 minutes gone, 1hour gone. Uchenna asked me to go there myself. Na so me go there come see her still dey arrange the place. She was arranging baskets of tomatoes. I helped her out till the place was reasonably okay to her. She said her aunty was not around but would be coming back the evening of that day. I began teasing her while she washed her hands and sat on the long bench there. One thing led to another. I touched her bosoms and she just laughed and didn’t say anything. Na so I press forward ooo. Before 5 minutes, I had already raised her skirt, pants down and I was inside her. I thought it would be easy but it wasn’t as she laid on the bench while I thrusted. Looking directly into her eyes I was feeling guilty and yet the blood was yet to come out. At a time I began wondering if she was really virgin because I never asked her. 7 minutes still going, I was becoming weak and she too because she has begun pleading for me to stop that she was getting tired and feeling pains. But the blood never come out. She was just managing to say, “Bro gbade is okay nah.” Abisoko and Uchenna came into the place immediately and met the act going. They were about going out when I called them back telling them that blood was yet to come out oo. And balakis facial expression was becoming scary and weird like somebody that wants to faint. My guys came closer. “Guy pump am well, just dey pump dey go,” Uchenna said. As he said it, I was tired but I increased the pleasure. Before we know wetin dey happen, balikis was no longer responding. She was just there like a log of wood. And I was still pumping as my guys stood behind. Na so I stop immediately when I realized it. “U.C this girl is not moving again ooo,” I said to them. They came closer. Laying on the chair she looked collapsed. As I removed my manhood from her female core, I discovered that little blood was dripping out of that area. But that was not my concern at that moment. “Oboy, dis girl don go ooo,” Abisoko said. We tried calling her but she was not responding. Uchenna asked me to use my white handkerchief to clean out the blood at her private area. Na so I come dey hala for my guy. That was not the important thing at that moment. “The girl no dey respond and you say you wan use her blood,” I said to uchenna. Na so we begin argue ooo. I was just scared and full of regrets. Uchenna came near me and told me to relax. He asked me to give him the handkerchief first. I told him that it was inside his room in his house. He went inside and got it, cleaned up balikis’s private part with it and got the blood. I asked what we were going to do next. He said I should get a clean cloth and water inside the house. I got them and he cleaned from her waist down and asked me to wear her her underwear and skirt. I was just doing it with fear as if it was going to bring her back. He asked if any one saw me while coming to the place. I told him no one saw me and likewise them too. He said we should leave her there. But I asked that we should take her to the hospital. Abisoko said what are we going to tell them that happened to her when we take her to the hospital! And infact the police will arrest us. Balikis wasn’t breathing. That was really complicated. Abisoko said I should respect myself and lets go inside and never to disclose what happened to anyone. So leaving her there would look as if she was sleeping till who ever discovers her there. My heart beat increased. I wasn’t myself at all as I got inside. Uchenna took his bath and off to Ibadan with the items. He even called on the way to tell me to relax, feel as if nothing has happened. I began wondering if my guys really had human sympathy at all! Another thought came to my mind. What really caused the girl’s death? Is she really dead because everything seems confusing and I couldn’t understand. I was panting. Part of me kept telling me that I had killed somebody, and that my hands are stained with blood. Chaiii, Gbadebo Alaba has killed somebody ooo. Na who come send me? Infact if I had knew, I wouldn’t have even started the journey with them in the first place. I was just walking around in the parlour, my heart panting, sweating profusely. “Guy sit down one place. No go kill yourself ooo,” Abisoko said to me. How I wan take get rest of mind for that kind situation? E no possible nah. At a time tears came down my eyes. It seems as if I was seeing Balikis waving me goodbye.
“Bang bang,” somebody knocking on the door. Immediately I heard the knock, another heavy fear griped me. I remembered Uchenna went to Ibadan. “It must be uchenna,” I thought to myself. Abisoko was seating on the chair. I stood up and went to the door, opened it and discovered it was balikis’s aunty. Immediately I saw her, I became more weak. “Chaii, Gbadebo omo Alaba God don catch you today.” My heart was panting. “What is the matter? What is wrong with you that you are sweating like this,” Balikis’s aunty asked me speaking in Yoruba language. I didn’t even know what to tell her. It took me like few seconds to realized myself at that moment. I first greeted her. She joked that maybe funke was around and we had been rolling on the sheets. She said it and smiled. That statement alone made me to relax a little bit because I thought maybe she had known what happened. But how I wished it was my girlfriend that was bringing sweat out of my body.
I told her that it wasn’t my girlfriend ooo. Well, she said she just came to check if balikis was there because since she came back, she had not seen her. I told her that balikis wasn’t in our house. Na so she talk “okay” come waka leave. Fear come dey catch me. Abisoko even overheard the conversation between I and bilikis’s aunty. He said I should blow up my cover because the way I was going, my attitude might put us in trouble. He said I should be calm. As we were till seated, another knock came on the door. I asked who was that and it was balikis’s aunty again. Abisoko said I shouldn’t go to the door, let him go before I jeopardize everything. He urged me to be calm and relax. He went outside to answer her. See as fear come hold me. I didn’t want to go to prison ooo. Baliki’s aunty told Abisoko that someone told her that they saw us with baliki in the morning. “Or maybe we sent her on an errand but we didn’t want to tell her. just to play a prank on her.” Often time we do it. We would just send balikis on an errand or she would be in our house but when her aunty asks, we would tell her that we don’t know where she is.
As her aunty said that someone saw her with us, kaiiii. “It is finished,” I thought to myself. Them don catch us. Abisoko told her that we only saw her in the morning when she first came. Apart from that, we never see her again. She left after couple of conversations with her. Barely 20 minutes she left, Uchenna returned and we briefed him of what had been happening. He said we all should go to Baliki’s shop but pretend like nothing happened, so we help the aunty search for balikis. Let it not look as if we were less concern. So we just pretend that we are searching for her.
Na so we go aside oo. We no meet aunty for shop. We just thought we should just go to that uncompleted building. When we got there, we didn’t see baliki’s body. “This one na another problem ooo,” I thought to myself. Though we saw baskets of tomatoes and pepper there. Even the chair balikis laid was there sef. I became more troubled in my mind. As we were just coming out of the uncompleted building, we met Baliki’s aunty. We asked if she had found her and she said she hasn’t. She was even threatening to deal with her when she returns from anywhere she went to. Three of us looked at each other when aunty said balikis’s left their pulse they use in keeping their money inside the room at the uncompleted building. That means she had been there and couldn’t find balikis in that room we left her in. I began thinking. “Where must balikis’s body be?” Who must have taking her body? Or was there any resurrection, did she resurrect? As in, I no come understand. By then, the three of us had become confused. “Guy we have to do something fast,” I told the other guys. By then, uchenna said we should all prepare so we go to oke-ilewo and stay with a friend and come back in the next two days, which was Monday. Just to enable us see what would happen. And if it was something wrong, make everybody answer him papa name from there. Na so I come weak more. “That means I would be going to jail!” Something in me told me to confess and tell Balikis’s aunty what happened. But another part of me said that was too late. It’s like putting myself in bigger trouble. “How I wan tell aunty wetin happen.” That one is just police case. “But na who come carry dead body commot for the place? Abi na God?” Surely, the body was not found there, that means someone already knows what happened!
We immediately left for Okeilewo which was inside the town. All that was for us to cool off and to also strategize on the new deal we have. According to Uchenna, it was a man from Cambodia but based in Nepal. Uchenna got the link from G-money when he went to Ibadan. His name is Mr watra. But throughout our stay in okeilewo, I couldn’t concentrate. I was all full of fears. We didn’t bother to make call to anyone in the house if balikis has been found or not. Not until I received a call from a friend on Sunday evening. Telling me that Baliki’s aunty was looking for us. I remembered we didn’t tell her we were going somewhere. “But what must she be looking for us for?” “ Shey dem don find balikis body?” The police dey find us?” I told uchenna what my friend told me. He told me to relax and shouldn’t worry. He was trying to make a call while he went outside. Few minutes later, he came back telling me that a friend he spoke to in our neighborhood said he saw balikis and her aunty on Saturday night. “So how come?” “What happened to her?” “How was she able to recover or was it her ghost the person saw?” “What really happened to her?” All that were my thoughts when my two guys began telling me, “Shebi I tell you to relax, nothing will happen to balikis na. she’s alive.” Ok, but even if she was alive, how did that happen? And only God knows what he must have told his aunty.
Uchenna said we should prepare to go back to gate to know what was happening. “Na so me tell them say I no go ooo.” But they encouraged me to come with them, that nothing will happen. Uchenna said even the native doctor in Ibadan had told him nothing, no evil would befall us So I should relax my mind. We left to gate.
When we got back, I tried making an enquiry from neighbours in the street if aunty and balikis came out to sell their market the previous day, Sunday. Knowing fully well that they don’t open for business on Sundays. All the people wey I ask talk say dem no see them. The neighbors around only said aunty had been asking after me. I tried asking if they saw balikis with her too. “Them talk saw them no see her and say her aunty still dey look for her”. “Chaiii, how come that that Uchenna’s friend told us that he saw balikis.” “ Other people around were saying they are still looking for her.” I slept with one eye closed and the other open that night, believing the police would still come for me.
The next morning was a Monday. There was no school because of the Muslim feast. I was inside but often go outside to peep if I could find aunty and balikis. “Still dem never come market, and they were not Muslims.” It was unsual unlike other days they come early enough.
At about 2pm, I went outside to peep if aunty and balikis had come. As I got outside, I saw aunty with somebody that looked like balikis. They were standing with a policeman holding a gun. A police van was parked closed to them. Immediately, aunty, balikis and the policeman started walking towards the direction of my house. Two police officers jumped out from the van and started coming towards our direction. As I saw that, it looked as if something from nowhere took away my strength. I became weak. I was a little happy that balikis was alive but sadness overwhelmed it. All my mind was telling me was “I had been caught and the police are coming for us.” I quickly ran to the house and told my guys what I saw. My guys that I thought they have a strong mind became weak. “Na so fear come dey catch everybody oo.” Tears started running down my eyes. I didn’t know whether to call my mum and tell her what was happening. “How would I even explain to her sef what happened?” I was just sweating profusely. Abisoko managed to get outside. I went into Uchenna’s room thinking about my life and probably how prison sentence would look like.
Few minutes later, as I was just there, Uchenna knocked on the room and asked me to come out that the police men were not looking for us. They were just passing by. I opened the door. My eyes were red. “Guy, na wetin dey do you? Na cry you dey cry so?” Abisoko asked. They began laughing at me. “Only if they knew what was going on inside of me.” Abisoko said he saw only the police men pass by so no be our house them dey come. But they said we should remain inside for a while, maybe later we can go to Aunty’s shop to see balikis and try asking what happened to her that Saturday. Na so we dey inside parlour. Uchenna and Abisoko were making connections with Mr watra.
As we were still in the parlour, “knock knock, knock,” where the heavy knocks we heard on the door. “Na who be that,” Abisoko asked. “Olopa police,” was what echoed from outside. They said it was the police, and I overheard a female voice with them. The voice sounded like aunty, balikis’s aunty. "The knocks came again." Part of me was telling me that I was finished. They have caught up with us. "But how come the police are looking for us?" "I thought Uchenna said they were not coming to see us, they were only passing by!" "They have come for me oooo" was my thought.
>


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murder case [Read it]


A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The captain says they can't just turn her away, and orders the desk officer to ask her a few questions as if doing an interview. To just 'play along' and humor her.

Not having any idea what to ask her to disqualify her application, the officer asks, "What's 2+2?" "Ummm... 4!" the blonde says.

Dang, the officer thinks, so tries a harder one: "What's the square root of 100?" "Ummm... 10!" the blonde says.

"Good!" the officer says, deciding to switch from math to history. "OK, who killed Abraham Lincoln?" "Ummm... I don't know," she admits.

"Well, you can go home and think about it," he says, "and come back later and tell me what you've figured out." He figures that's the last he'll see of her.

The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job.

"Not only did I get the job," the blonde says, "but I've already been assigned to a murder case!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-06-07 09:16:00

536 Views



Words of Wisdom [Read it]


Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater.If you give her a sperm, she’ll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.So, if you give her any aggravation, be ready to receive a ton of stuff in return.Related

Akpos spent years in d city,and thought he should go to His village to see how things were with them,He then made up his mind and left for the village,he took overnight bus and got to the village early in the mourning,when he got to the village he was very hungry and the following coversation came up between him and his mum
Akpos :mama I they H o
Mama; akpos abeg collect get patient
Akpos; I don wan die u say make I get patient
Mama; just patient Akpos;patient for wetin??
Mama; u no know say thunder must strike before before we go warm yesterday food,so na d thunder we they wait for.
Akpos has gone missing nowhere to be found!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-13 13:35:24

531 Views




Every since charity told me that her
sister Seyi want to see us.my mind
wasn’t at rest.difference thought
were runing on my mind.how will
seyi react when she found out that
i’m his sister’s boyfriend.won’t she
fight to stop our relationship?.i
asked myself so many questions. but
got no reply.
The next day which was the day our
payment will expired.
The hotel management also came
and informed us about it.but we told
them nothing genuie.
Around 11am the same day.i wanted
to browse with my phone but i
found out that i got no air time.i
decided to go out. and purchase two
hundred naira air time.on my way
out from the hotel.i saw a black jeep
that park withing the environment.i
wanted to go but something drew
back to look at the jeep very well.i
obey and stared inside the jeep.the
glass was down.so i was able to see
inside the car.
I looked and saw three men in
black.also each of them wore a black
google glass.they weren’t smiling at
all..there faces looks familiar.i
wanted to move closer to check who
they are. but i declined and continue
my journey.i spent like thirty
minutes outside.coz i also went to
the nearby cyber cafe.to browse and
check my mail.
Through out my stay at the cyber.my
mind wasn’t at rest.i don’t know
why.i wasn’t comfortable with those
men that i saw in the jeep.i decided
to call charity.to know how she was
doing.but she wasn’t picking her
call.i called her again and again.still
no answer.i became worried and
decided to go back to the hotel and
see her.
Some minutes later….i got to the
hotel premises. i couldn’t found the
jeep any more.including the
men.maybe they have gone.i said to
myself.who knows what they were
looking for.
I went inside our room.and called
charity.charity.but i got no response
from her.i called again.the
same.where is this girl na?i asked
myself.
I moved to the bathroom.and
searched for her.still i didn’t even
see her shadow not to talk of her
real self.i was worried.scared and
confused at the same time.i hope
nothing bad had happened to my
charity o.i said almost in tears.i even
checked on her inside the
wardrop.under the bed and inside
the fridge.i scattered every were.still
no sign of charity.i called her all the
pet names that i use to call her.chai!
Charity refused to answer me.which
left me more
scared.chaaaaaaaaarity.i shouted her
name.but nothing came up.tears had
started dropping from my eyes
already.
Oh God.were is my charity.were did
she go na without even informed
me.what of if they take her?no no
no.it can’t happen na.beside who
will take her.nobody even know us
around here.may be she had gone
out to get something.infact let me
call her line again.
I took my phone. dialled her
number.some seconds later.the
phone started ringing from the other
side of the room.i moved closer to
were the ringing tone was coming
from.and saw that it was charity’s
phone that was ringing…. Ooh!she
left her phone and went out.poor
girl!she would have take her phone
and go any were she wanted to go
na.she just kept me worried.this girl
self.i said to myself. I took the phone
and wanted to go when i saw
something that drew my attention.i
looked up and saw something like a
blood that stain the wall.i moved
closer and touched the red liquid
thing.behold.it was a blood…jesus!!!i
shouted.what happened.who owns
this blood.did anybody got
injured.charity where is my charity?.
That was when it occured in my
mind that they might have attacked
and took charity away.the time i
went to purchase the air time.but
who must be that na.those men that
i saw at the car.yes it might be
them.i said it that there faces looks
familiar to me.but i was so foolish
not to suspect them or come
back.even though that i came back.i
would have been the victim.maybe
they searched for me and they didn’t
get me.and they decided to take
charity.but how did they know this
address.i couldn’t get an answer. JC
at work.oh God why me.i cried
bitterly.to the level that i couldn’t cry
again.i consoled myself.i stood up
and went to the hotel receptionist to
ask them.what happened the time i
went out.
REC.yes sir.45 minutes ago.three
black men just left with your wife.she
was unconcious.one of the men
carried her.
ME.what.she was unconcious.and
you couldn’t stop them for proper
investigation nor even call me on my
phone.are you guys so dump this
way.
REC.sorry sir.we tried calling you.but
your line you gave us wasn’t
reachable.we tried it so many
times.but the signal remain the
same.they said that you were the
one that sent them to take your wife
to the hospital.that she wasn’t
feeling okay.they said they are your
brothers.we couldn’t help but to let
them go with her.coz she was almost
at the point of death.she had a deep
cut on her head too.that was why we
let them go so that they would take
her to the hospital as they said.we
are sorry sir.if there is any
incoveniences.
ME.*in tears*i didn’t sent them.i
wasn’t the one that sent them.why
did you guys let them go.now they
have kidnappe her.wat will i do.

>>

Just for laughs: A fowl was walking under a
tree on an early sallah morning and saw a
sheep tied there waiting to be slaughted. The
fowl laughed and said" BARKA DA SALLA" so
the sheep angrily replied "MERRY CHRISTMAS
in advance. Idiot" #TuRn By TuRn #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-26 00:04:41

569 Views



kikikikiki [Read it]


Guys always know who their heart
belongs to, so if you like cook chicken
diamond in sauce,Package like
nickiminaj or do monkey style in
bed, if it's not you, it can't b u


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-01-10 20:59:10

381 Views




Annually you will shake hands with 11 women who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.Related

IBALE{VIRGINTY} [Read it]


EPISODE THIRTEEN: BACK TO THE PRESENT,THE STORY ENDS.

BOLA'S P.O.V(POINT OF VIEW)

Before Maami could finish her friend's story,we have all started crying for Ibironke. Nife is the first to speak.

Nife: Maami,what a pitiful story

Me: Yes,Maami so is that how your friend died without any revenge from her parent

Maami: Revenge as in how?

Me: I mean without punishing Ishola

Maami: No one knows that Ishola rape Ronke except I and Ishola himself.

Bide: But Maami why don't you implicate him and expose him for people to see and his stupid friends?

Maami: Because he is not to be blamed but the alcohol is to be blamed for the rape and his friends

Nife: so Maami what now cause the curse abiding IBALE

Maami: After what happen to Ibironke and many other maiden, we ladies now protest and sing to the palace. The king palace to be precise,we all explain what's on olour minds to the king and the chiefs they promised to do something about it.
After that day there is a ritual that they conducted for seven good days.
And they lay curses on any male that force himself on any female and any female that forces male on herself

Me: Hmn, that good

Bide: Yes

Me: what will happen if the virginity is broken without the knowledge of the maiden?

Maami:The male will become a leopard after seven days

Nife: Ah,but what can be done to that?

Bide: Yes what can we do to it, to cure it?

Maami: I don't know anything about that but what I know is that the guy will become lepard

Me: Hmn, that's good, moreover will have to keep their virginity to their wedding night, it will be the Blissful night

Maami: Yes. It late now,you girls can be going home or if you wish to sleep here you are free

Nife and Bide: Maami, yes we are sleeping here


TO BE CONTINUE......

EPISODE FOURTEEN:GETTING HOME MY FRIENDS TOLD ME MAAMI HAS STOP BREATHING... LOADING....


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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akpos the bus driver hu survived a tragic accident
wch rendered 50 people dead at lagos Ibadan express way and he was remanded in police custody to assist in police investigation.
Here is the interrogation:
Police: Mr akpos he did u end up killing 50 people?
Akpos: I driving at 150km/hr wen I saw two men crossing the road. nd the other side a wedding was taking place. I hit the brake but it failed. so I had to make a choice either hit the two men or run into the wedding party.
Police: hit two men of course to reduce casualties!
Akpos: exactly we think alike ooo but after hitting one the other one escape into the wedding party.
Police: so wat did u do?
Akpos: I went after to balance the equation... but unfortunately people lost their life's in the process.
BABYFACE


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-05 17:48:23

359 Views




"Was she serious "osaretin scream out,
we were at his house all four of us,it
was a Sunday afternoon immediately i
closed from Sunday service i didn't
go home with my parents and siblings,
i was already bored at home and i
needed a break,i just left the church
as soon as we closed and headed straight
to osaretin house,osaretin was living
with his single uncle so he wasn't always
at home that's why osaretin was free
like a bird to do what ever he likes,
we went on and on about the issue and
later concluded that i go visit her
just like i promise, i was already
getting tried about the whole thing
this was taking more longer then I
expected, i tried to convince my friends
to forget about this whole game thing but
they were bent on seeing the end of it.
I hate staying at home because it always
bored for me,i get to do nothing other
then to watch movies, chat on the Internet,
sleep and eat,i don't do much work at home,
it been one week since we were on break
and it feels like a whole year to me i
wouldn't wait for school to resume,
i woke up one afternoon at about 12:45,
nobody was at home just me,i tryed reaching
my friends but it seems they were all busy
with their own problems, that was when I
decided to go pay lmade a visit, i got
ready and set out looking so responsible,
well I am responsible if not for the fate
that i love moving round with friends
that wasn't my type,i just feel moving
round bad guys will always make you stronger,
well it left for you reader to decide if
am right or wrong, i entered the street
that her house was located and it didn't
take long before I found her house, i stood
at the black gate not sure if i was ready to
knock well I was feeling nervous because I
have never visited a girl in her house before
at least not when she is living with her
parents, i hate to come across the parents
of any girl i want to bleep because in
case of future problem, many parents are
always over protective when it comes to
their daughter well I learn that from
my parents,i wanted to go back "but hay
you have come a long way to stop here,
come on be a man just knock at the damn
gate"that was the voice in my head talking
it was like my mind and body were speaking
two different languages, i sermon courage
and hit the gate but there was no response
i hit again and again till no response,
well it seems like there was nobody at
home,i was about taking my leave when I
heard a male voice from inside "who be
that" the voice was so deep that at that
point I regreted ever coming at the first
place, which kind thing i put myself,
the gate was opened and a huge and dark
skinny guy was standing looking at me
" go..od afternoon "i manage to say,
the guy look very serious oh,my liver
nearly failed me oh "who you dey look for"
at that point I forgot who i came to see,
i was actually looking at him like a dummy,
i couldn't remember the name of someone
i came to see,don't that sounds stupid,
ne serious one i dey oh,God help me on this.

********TO BE CONTINUED ******

>>

Domestic Animal [Read it]


Teacher: Who can name one domestic animal?
Chika: Goat
Teacher: Correct, clap for her. Any other person?
Kola: Dog
Teacher: Another good one, clap for him. Next Person?
Akpos: Lassa
Teacher got provoked "Fool, is lassa a name of an animal, talk more of being a domestic one?"
Akpos: "I mean Rat, They plenty for our house and we even share the same plate with it"

One word for Akpos



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-22 09:17:00

421 Views



you are unique [Read it]


Post Body Think what a remarkable, unduplicatable, and miraculous thing it is to be you! Of all the people who have come and gone on the earth, since the beginning of time, not ONE of them is like YOU!rnNo one who has ever lived or is to come has had your combination of abilities, talents, appearance, friends, acquaintances, burdens, sorrows and opportunities.rnrnNo, one's hair grows exactly the way yours does. No one's finger prints are like yours. No one has the same combination of secret inside jokes and family expressions that you know.rnrnThe few people who laugh at all the same things you do, don't sneeze the way you do. No one prays about exactly the same concerns as you do. No one is loved by the same combination of people that love you - NO ONE!rnrnNo one before, no one to come. YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY UNIQUE!rnrnEnjoy that uniqueness. You do not have to pretend in order to seem more like someone else. You weren't meant to be like someone else. You do not have to lie to conceal the parts of you that are not like what you see in anyone else.rnrnYou were meant to be different. Nowhere ever in all of history will the same things be going on in anyone's mind, soul and spirit as are going on in yours right now.rnrnIf you did not exist, there would be a hole in creation, a gap in history, something missing from the plan for humankind.rnrnTreasure your uniqueness. It is a gift given only to you. Enjoy it and share it!rnrnNo one can reach out to others in the same way that you can. No one can speak your words. No one can convey your meanings. No one can comfort with your kind of comfort. No one can bring your kind of understanding to another person.rnrnNo one can be cheerful and lighthearted and joyous in your way. No one can smile your smile. No one else can bring the whole unique impact of you to another human being.rnrnShare your uniqueness. Let it be free to flow out among your family and friends and people you meet in the rush and clutter of living wherever you are. That gift of yourself was given you to enjoy and share. Give yourself away!rnrnSee it! Receive it! Let it tickle you! Let it inform you and nudge you and inspire you! YOU ARE UNIQUE!


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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“Thanks,” She settles herself on the chair and says, “ to answer your question; I am, and I am not.”
“How do you mean?”
“I love singing, but I do not take it as a profession.”
“Hmn,” I grunt, nodding knowingly, “I thought as much…
Anyway, you might need to do something for me before you leave, but let me introduce myself to you first.”
I tell her my name and surname with a handshake and she replies animatedly. She is Remilekun by name, and her friends call her by Remson.
“Re-mi-le-kun. That’s a beautiful name, just like the bearer.” I smile.
“Thanks. You’ve got a fine name too,” she blushes as our hands depart from the lustful union. Her palm feels soft and tender in a way that makes me want to feel it more and more.
I let her know how much she shares same look with my deceased lover. She expresses her sympathy, and blushes again when I tell her that the extreme beauty are just the same. She must have known I am proposing to her indirectly, for She grunts knowingly after my statement. I tell her I’m really pleased to meet her.
“It’s a pleasure meeting you too,” She says, but this time the smile seems to show more in her eyes.
After a pause she demands what I said she has to do for me.
“Oh, it’s nothing much,” I say, “I just want you to sing for me. I’m in the mood to listen to a song without a beat.”
She bursts into a giggle and glances back at her friends, “you are so funny. But I told you earlier that am not a musician.”
“I know. I just feel like hearing you sing – any song at all.”
“Maybe later then.” She says shyly, eyes narrow into an inviting slit.
I persuade her that I am really hungry for it than any food. She then laughs like a baby.
“Okay. which song should I sing?”
“Anyone at all.”
She wears a thoughtful look for a moment and clears her throat.
The lyric that comes from her mouth is ‘My heart will go on (Titanic)’ by Celine Deon.’
Her voice rises slowly like early morning sun. In my ears her voice is competing with that of the original singer.
I do not realize when my eyes shut and I find myself swimming in ocean of affection. The air I’m breathing smells like the fragrance of a virgin rose. The song continues – one minute .. two minutes … With my sense I am measuring the time which I wish would last an hour or more. With emotion, her voice rises and falls rhythmically like sea waves. In the end, the passionate lyric drops gently from her throat as cold water drops from the mouth of a fish.
“Wow!” I begin to clap wildly as a wave of excitement descend upon me, “This is a great voice!”
“Thank you,” she blushes; her eyelashes flutter.
“So, we still have talent like yours in this country?” I say after a little pause of wonder.
“Don’t flatter me, please.” She laughs.
After a little more compliments we exchange contact. I glance at my phone – 8:40pm. At that moment Remilekun takes an excuse. I can see her sibling waving at her from afar.
“I should be going now.” She says.
“Alright, catch yah.” I wave at her as she hurries away.
I keep staring at her until she disappears with her sibling out of the club compound


>>

If u like u can call it colourful, rainbow or pinging wedding








NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-21 19:59:38

213 Views



Calabar girl [Read it]


A calabar girl went for a job
interview, she was giving a form
to fill in her data.
As she was filling the form, she
got to part to fill "Sex", she
paused and thought for a while
and then said to herself "If I write
everyday, they'll think I'm
spoilt..."
After thinking for a while she
said to herself "hmmm...I'll just
put twice a week"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-24 06:37:47

711 Views




WIFE: Tonight we're trying different
positions. HUSBAND: (excited) Good idea! What
positions should we try? WIFE: You take the sink and wash
dishes, I'll take the couch and watch TV. HUSBAND: (very sad)
#BOLLY_SMART™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-01 19:56:26

368 Views




THE MISTAKE OF MY LIFE

EPISODE 11

It was Mama Theresah’s place i visited first. As i drove into the compound, it was Reginald i saw first. He kept looking at the car to know who was inside. I didn’t want Akosua my daughter to see him. I feared might ask me about his daughter. When i parked the car, i told Akosua to wait in the car. I came down and pretended not to see him.

I noticed him come while i avoided him as i made my way towards Mama Theresah’s place. When she saw me, she yelled with joy and embraced me. Then Reginald came there and called my name. I ignored him. He prostrated on the ground and started begging me to forgive him.

He told how he had married twice and got no issue. He asked about my daughter. I told him to leave me alone that his daughter is dead. I saw tears roll down his cheeks. He was really sorrowful.

I made up my mind never to forgive him. I watched him walk away in agony. Mama Theresah told me that he was telling the truth. She told me that after getting married for a very long time, he got no child.

His people told him to send the woman away and marry another, which he did and still no issue to show for it. The doctors said that nothing’s wrong with him and that God’s time is the best.


”Serves him right. God is punishing him for what he did to me” that was all i said.
I gave Mama Theresah things i bought for her. I gave her money too. she was so happy. I entered my car and as i was driving away, Reginald was waving me goodbye with tears in his eyes.


“Mum, who is that man over there?” my daughter asked, pointing at Reginald. I told her lies.
I drove straight to my father’s compound. it was my mother i saw first. As i came down with my daughter, i was surprised as my mother gave me a warm embrace. She apologised on her behalf and on behalf of her husband.

She embraced my daughter too. I was happy when she called her “my granddaughter” I cried bitterly when she told me that my two sisters died in a ghastly accident.

My father went for a meeting. I was shocked when she told me that a woman from nowhere showed up and said that almost all our lands belonged to her.

She took the case to court because she has a lot of money. I told my Mum to relax that i am a lawyer. She couldn’t believe it. As we were still talking, a car drove into our compound.


“That is the woman” my mother said.
The woman packed her car and came out, I was shocked when i saw Edwina come down from the car.



What happens next?

Keep your comments coming through

WATCH OUT FOR THE FINAL EPISODE!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Kanjoos(Miser) lawyer working in UK wrote to his wife in India .Dear Sunita Darling,I can’t send you my salary this month because the global market crisis has affected my Company’s performance, so I am sending 100 kisses.You are my sweetheart, please understand and adjust with this situation.Your loving husband,TunaHis wife replied..TINKU KE PAPPA,
Thanks for the 100 kisses.Below is the list of expenses I paid with the Kisses…1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month’s milk.2. The electricity man, Kooldip Singh, agreed not to disconnect only after 7 kisses.3. Your landlord Kapal Singh comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of the monthly rent.4. Supermarket owner Jaswant Singh did not accept kisses only, so I gave him other items, I hope you understand.5. Miscellaneous expenses 40 kisses.Please don’t worry about me, I still have a balance of 35 kisses andI hope I can survive the month using this balance.Shall I plan the same for the next month?Your Sweet Heart,SunitaRelated

During a lesson, Akpos yawns extremely wide.
The teacher tries to make a joke, "Akpos, don't swallow me."
Akpos replies, "Don't worry ma, I don't eat goat meat."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-25 12:01:24

313 Views




JOKE PART 39 BY DINDY

The problem is not when you buy a brand new iphone 7 from ikeja
:____
: ____
:______
:_______
:________
The problem is when you get home and you on it, then it shows you infinix.............lol
DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 40.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-11-04 01:38:33

206 Views




There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.Related

the super eagles of nigeria will qualify for next year's nations cup if they beat tanzania at home. this development came following CAF decision to suspend the pharaoh's of egypt from all it's competition for the next two years because the used an ineligible player in their double headed tie against nigeria. however coach samson siasia has released a list of 42 players for camping ahead of the must win game against tanzania. wait a minute are you still reading this packaged lie. "APRIL FOOL"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-01 06:58:23

265 Views




In the United States, women are allowed to be topless in public in Texas, Hawaii, New York, Ohio and Maine.

If some sort of disruption occurs though, they may be charged with violating public nuisance laws.Related

Onion Penis [Read it]


While doing a vasectomy (birth control surgery), the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man’s balls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decides to replace the missing ball with an ONION.


Several weeks later, the patient returned for a check-up. 


“How’s your physical relation with wife?” the doctor asked.


“Pretty good,” the man said, to the doctor’s relief.


But then he added, “I’ve had some strange side effects.”


“What’s that?” the doctor asked anxiously.


“Well, every time I piss, my eyes water. When my wife gives me a blow job, she gets heartburn. And every time I pass a sharwama stand, I get a hard-on!”




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-29 15:52:29

433 Views




WOMAN: My Husband is not
interested in sex. DOCTOR: Ok!
give these pills to
him.Everyday, put 1 pill in his
tea. the woman did and they
had sex which they enjoyed.
Next day she puts 2 pills in his
tea and they enjoyed much
more sex. 3rd day, she
emptied the whole bottle in
his tea. …Two days later
Doctor called to know the
progress. Son picked and
replied: "Mom is in coma at de
moment, Aunt is in hospital,
Maid is suing Dad for rape, My
own Bottom hurts and bleeding
and Dad is still running Unclad
in de garden, shouting Bingo!
Bingo!! Bingo!!! but the dogs
are no where to be found


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-16 09:19:32

702 Views




Akpors was employ as a new driver dey say dat dey are going to test him d following ensue MANAGER:.Mr.akpors how many years have u been working as driver AKPORS:.20years sir MANGER:.hw many people have u drive to death AKPORS:.only one person sir MANAGER:.hw many people have u drive AKPORS:.1 person u will b d second person cause i drive on hell......d manager fainted


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-25 23:18:06

345 Views



y u dey lie? [Read it]


a plane carryn some politicians crashed into a farm.
the farmer ran there in time to rescue them
on get there,he thought that they where all dead and burial them
some hrs later,d ambulance came and asked d man :Are you sure that they had all died?
Yes,he replied;even though some of them where shoutnls help us,we r still alive,BT u known des politicians, dey lie a lot.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-27 10:49:04

116 Views



my yansh [Read it]


he!! this nurse no get church mind na for my yansh she hang this niddle they answer call








NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-26 09:21:07

495 Views





Akpos mistakenly sent two million naira to a wrong
phone number via Mobile Money. He realized that before
the person would withdraw the money, he had to think
of what to do to get his money back. He immediately
sent this text to the number:
"Hello Dark and Worthy Initiate, I hope you are okay, I
believe you've received the money I sent you for the
initiation ceremony into Eternal Mystical Order Of
Glorious Satanism (EMOGS) in the Ogboni Fraternity
scheduled to happen at midnight tomorrow. That money
is only for transport, I will send you more for pocket
money and there are riches awaiting you.
"Two weeks after the initiation, your closest family
member will die mysteriously and this death will unlock
your ticket to wealth, ability to fly at night and change
into all kinds of animals to deliver your various
assignments. Remember to carry a syringe and needle
meant to draw your blood every 20 minutes. Please don't
be late because the Viceroy of Satan himself will be
present to officiate the ceremony. Thanks in advance. But
just in case you are not ready to join, please send back
the money otherwise you will die in the next 24 hours."
Three minutes later, he got a message that says: "I will
take my chances."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-13 22:24:50

459 Views



Safe cracker [Read it]


The local bank near a large prison had a problem opening their safe one day. Seems that the mechanisms working the combination failed, so they called the prison to seek help.
The prison had a convicted safe cracker in custody. They released him under guard and took him to the bank to see if he could open their safe.
The convict worked on the lock for quite a while but finally he was able to open the safe.
The bank president was delighted to see his safe opened without having to have it ruined in the process, he turned to the safe cracker and said, “Thanks for helping us out here, how much do we owe you?”
The safe cracker replied, “Well the last time I did one of these jobs I got about $100,000!”Related

Continues..
I was a light complexed person and that slap left me with a pink mixed red on my cheek. I couldn't cru as well as it provoked me to the extreme. Back in Europe nobody dared slapped me not even my father. Now I won't allow an abandoned and lost rag do that to me. No! I won't let go of my dignity so easily!
As preston was about to defend me by slapping Belinda, I was surprised though
Me: no preston. Don't do that. I can understand your pain(facing belinda by now) but that shouldn't give you the right to slap me because I did you no harm. I slapped her even more hard than she did to me. She was also light complexed like me. She was so shocked about the slap that made her mouth to be agape. The stupid deceived blinded girls wew running towards me she when preston stood in front of me
Preston to the girls) now you wouldn't want to have a problem with me or do you?(the girls went back)
Belinda: we shall see! You nor fear you slap me? Shey you go show face For campus na? Girls let's go.
They left and I felt so weak that I had to sit down on a chair in the bar
Preston: hmmmm. I respect your boldness. You actually slapped her in the sense she is a cult leader
Me: I don't care because I won't allow her gain victory over me. I am not her toy. She had no right to do that.
Preston: well I apologise on her behalf
Me: why(as if I don't know)
Preston: because she was my girlfriend. Please stop acting as if Miranda didn't tell you.
I was silent. He used his hand to move my hair to the back of my ear a d he saw the different colours on my face.
To be continued..


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very ornery, and difficult to handle.



Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorilla species available.



While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Mike, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals cages. Mike, it was rumored, possessed ample ability to satisfy any female, but he wasn’t very bright.



So, the zoo administrators thought they might have a solution. Mike was approached with a proposition: “Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for five hundred bucks?”



Mike showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.



The following day, Mike announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions.



“First,” he said, “I don’t want to have to kiss her.



Secondly, I want nothing to do with any offspring that may result from this union.”



The zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition.



“Well,” said Mike, “you’ve gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred bucks.”Related

MUST READ [Read it]


There was a man who had four sons. He wanted
his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly.
So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go
and look at a pear tree that was a great distance
away.
The first son went in the winter, the second in the
spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son
in the fall. When they had all gone and come
back, he called them together to describe what
they had seen.
The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent,
and twisted.
The second son said no it was covered with green
buds and full of promise.
The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with
blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so
beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had
ever seen.
The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it
was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and
fulfillment.
The man then explained to his sons that they
were all right, because they had each seen but
only one season in the tree's life.
He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a
person, by only one season, and that the essence
of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love
that come from that life can only be measured at
the end, when all the seasons are up. If you give
up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of
your spring, the beauty of your summer,
fulfillment of your fall.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Educative



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Unique



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Organization



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NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-06 13:17:49

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