Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Joke: You are a very bad boy Rahman………So; you actually slept with another man’s wife abi
Me: It wasn’t my fault jare….am also another woman’s husband now even though am not married
Joke: If its not your fault then who’s fault
Me: Maybe we should blame it on your beauty because i was carried away by your beauty and i dint know what gave me the courage to make the move
Joke: And i love courageous guys…..
Me: Uhmmmm……..
Joke: Dunno what happened, my body has been calling for this for a very long time and you wont believe i didn’t know what was happening until your phone started ringing
Me: You don’t mean it……
Joke: have been carried away ever since i told you i was feeling cold and the only thing i was thinking all over when we were walking was to see my husband round over me and give me a hard fuck even though it has been a while that we had it hard
Me: Why has it been a while
Joke: You know have been a nursing mother for more than a year now and my husband has not suck me ever since then…he doesn’t like the sight of breast milk so all we just do was kiss and we will fuck but me i like hard foreplay to put me in the mood before the real thing and even the sex sef is not constant with him
Me: so, do you regret what happened tonight?
Joke: Sincerely i don’t know yet because this is the first time i will be sleeping with another guy since i got married to my husband and you caused it……
Me: It wasn’t really my fault like i told you earlier, what happened tonight was just like two mind having the same issue, its been a while i last had sex
Joke: What happened? What about your girlfriend?
Me: She’s not around, she has travelled to Canada for her degree and have not cheated on her ever since she left because i promised her that i wont do
Joke: hey yah..thats so nice of you, not so many guys will make promise and stood by it
Me: Yes oo..that is why i told you am not like other guys…can you do me a favour baby
Joke: favour? What favour? What is it?
Me: close you eyes……
Joke: for what?
Me: close it jhoor…..
Joke: okay….
I held her hand, the one with the ring and started kissing her on the main road all over again, she responded to me and held my neck….

Read Episode 50

See Gobe [Read it]


A Lady enter's a barbing salon:
AKPOS: Wow! I haven't seen such beauty
before! Do you come here often?
LADY: Not really.
AKPOS: I would like us to know each other
better.
LADY: Can't you see my finger (showing
Akpos a ring on her finger).
AKPOS: It doesn't matter. I'm married too.
LADY: But my husband will...
AKPOS: Oh cut that crap about your husband,
we can go places he has never dreamt of
taking you to.
LADY: Wow! Sounds nice, so what will I tell
him?
AKPOS: You'll tell the dumb man that you are
going for fellowship.
LADY: Good, but I think you should tell him
yourself, because he is the one barbing your
hair.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-08 08:17:16

208 Views




ONE WRONG TURN
FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN
Episode 43

Gradually, the anxiety i felt began
to increase.
Ruth’s absence greatly disturbed
me. All
through out the period of fighting
in the hotel,
she never came out neither did
Ramsey.
Negative thoughts began to sip
through my
mind. I feared something bad
might have
happened to Ruth. There was only
one person
who should know where she is.
Even if we had
just fought, i had no choice but to
talk to
Hannah.
I looked around and spotted
Hannah, she too
had a worried look on her face.
She had her
phone to her ear for a while,
obviously trying
to call someone. The frustration
and
resignation after each attempt
showed that
she wasn’t getting any success.
I marched towards her with
obvious
annoyance.
“where is Ruth.? ” i demanded,
Hannah noticed the fury in my
voice, she too
was scared. I expected her to
reply harshly,
but i guess she too saw the
enormity of the
situation, and her undeniable
involvement.
” i don’t know where she went, i
left her in the
hotel” she replied, with a shaky
voice. She was
almost crying.
Her sudden change of emotion
made no
difference to me. As far i was
concerned, she
was as guilty as hell.
“why on earth did you leave her
there? ” i
inquired further, spitting out more
anger.
” i didn’t see them any more when
i wanted to
go, she wasn’t answering her
phone either.”
At the point, Hannah began to
sob. Something
told me she knew more than she
was letting
out. She wasn’t just panicking,
there was more
to it. What ever it was, we had to
find Ruth.
IS RUTH A VICTIM OF HER PROFESSION?DID HANNAH HAD A HAND IN HER DISSAPPEARING ACTS?
TO BE CONTINUED


>>

Sonia took a deep breath. Not that breath of
relief but in readiness to hear what the wicked
Ebere whom she had thought to be a kind
hearted lady had to say.
“Hahaha…” Ebere roared again until she finally
covered her mouth with both palms, startling
Sonia who was lost in thoughts.She kept
still, glaring at Sonia.
“Do you by any chance know of a guy called
Paul?” Ebere asked.
Sonia almost fainted on hearing that name
again. Her heartbeat increased tremendously as
she held her chest with the right palm,trying to
come back to normal again. She didn’t reply
immediately because she knew she would
stutter if she tried to.
“Oh my God. I hope its not what i am
thinking.Could she have seen me?”Sonia
reasoned silently and stole a glance at Ebere.A
mischievious smile was playing on her lips. She
didn’t wait for Sonia to answer her question as
she continued almost immediately, concluding
that the expected yes from Sonia was not really
necessary because she believed they both knew
the answer already.
“Paul was one of the men that came my
way.With his sweet words,he stole my heart like
a thief.I surrendered my love,my heart and my
body to him, thinking i have found my missing
rib but little did i know that i was just a
intimacy gadget to him. I didn’t know he just
kept me around to satisfy his wicked S#xual
desires. Promising me that i would be the
mother of his children..hmmm, i wasn’t
surprised when i saw the both of you together
because i kept monitoring him. I played
cool, acted as if nothing was happening but
along the line,something happened” She
stopped and gazed at Sonia.She could read the
too many questions and curiosity written all
over the poor girl’s face.
“What happened?” Sonia was eager to hear
everything. She was really scared. If it happened
that Ebere knew how Paul died,then,she was in
trouble.She may be compelled to give in to her
demands to cover up some things.
Ebere glanced at her wrist-watch and hit her
head softly.Time was running out;she had
somewhere important to go to.
“Sonia,i don’t have much time to spend her.I
am really happy that i met you. I equally
rejoiced when Angela told me she wanted a
maid. I feel this is the perfect time to strike
back.Sonia,get pregnant for her husband. I’m
happy she’s yet to conceive.After that,we plan
the next move ”Ebere said with a bossy tone.
“You can’t force me to do it.Instead, i will give
up the job.Mrs Angela could be innocent of your
accusations” Sonia said,still in doubt if Ebere
brought up paul’s issue for nothing.
Ebere stood up, ready to go,adjusted her
wears, took her pink coloured handbag that
matched her top, came over to Sonia and rested
her palms upon her shoulders.
“My dear, if you love yourself, just do what i
asked you to do. And……let me not forget to
remind you that the police would be very happy
to hear that the killer of Mr. Paul is moving
about freely in the streets”She whispered.
Sonia shook with fear,letting go of Ebere’s
gentle hold.The expression on her face change
dramatically.
She had had this feeling; that someone saw
her.One could easily tell she was crying, though
she wasn’t shedding tears nor making any
sound.
“And i am very sure you wouldnt want the
police to hear of it.Mind you,there is another
witness who also saw how you wickedly stabbed
him.We have the pictures.That person is
somewhere here watching us right now.Just
letting you know incase you decide to try any
silly move on me.
If in the next three weeks you dont get him to
sleep with you,then prepare to face the law for
the crime you commited.Its barely a year old.
One more thing,make sure you connect me on
the phone when you are with him.you can
mute your own end.Have a nice day” Ebere left
without looking back.She was mean.
Tears flowed freely down Sonia’s cheeks.She
never believed a day like this would ever
come.She never believed anyone saw her on
that fateful day.
“Surely,nothing is hidden under the sun”

To Be Continued...

Whats your advice for Sonia?
Try and drop a comment.

>>

According to a news report, a certain private school
in Washington
recently was faced with a unique problem. A
number of 12-year-old girls
were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on
in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick
they would press their
lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night,
the maintenance man would remove them and the
next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that
something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met
them there with the
maintenance man....She explained that all these lip
prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to
clean the mirrors every
night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to
clean the mirrors,
she asked the maintenance man to show the girls
how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee,
dipped it in the toilet,
and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the
mirror. There are
teachers, and then there are educators... #B-goF #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-12 13:15:20

1095 Views




An igbo man had an accident wit his new
BMW X6, he called a police officer and said"
this man just came smashed off the door of
my BMW! My 6Million car is now condemned"
The police officer shakes his head in
amazement and said, "U igbo's are so
materialistic, u didn't even realize that your
hand has been cut off." The igbo man looks at
his amputated hand and screams:
"chinekeme !!.. Where is my Rolex?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-19 06:28:44

312 Views



I NEED UR HELP [Read it]


My girlfriend insulted me this morning
that I can't make common pap; I got
intimidated and made a bet with her that
I can even do it more than her haba,
what sef, this girl own don too much.
Anyway, now I'm in the market shopping
for the ingredients to prove I can make
the best pap. I have bought crayfish,
pepper, onions, corn, garlic, ginger,
nutmeg, and some other ingredients for
the akamu. But my mind keeps telling me
I'm missing something.
Please, guys, help me small, which
ingredient I never buy?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-16 13:36:26

494 Views



Missing Eclipse [Read it]


Today news headlines on MISSING
ECLIPSE
1. Missing eclipse: PDP calls for Buhari’s
resignation 2. The past Administration is
responsible for the missing eclipse, Lai
Mohammed 3. EFCC traces missing eclipse to ex
governor account. 4. Eclipse is not acceptable in Ekiti state,
Governor Fayose 5. Missing Eclipse: Another move to
Islamise Nigeria, Fani Kayode 6. CAN sends strong warning to
presidency over missing eclipse 7. We are responsible for the missing
eclipse- Niger Delta Avengers 8. Release our captured members and
we will release the eclipse, Boko Haram
tells Nigerian Army. 9. Government does not have
constitutional right to withhold eclipse -
Lawyers 10. Missing eclipse affected our
performance at the Olympic games -
sports Minister 11. Four arrest have been made over
missing eclipse - Police 12. Presidency will not probe the
missing eclipse - Adesina 13. Nigerians will experience monthly
eclipse if we are voted in 2019- PDP 14. Sheriff and Markafi faction disagrees
over missing eclipse 15. Dogara padded the missing eclipse
in the budget - Jubrin 16. We left about 58 eclipse in the
federation account, Okonjo Iweala
replies APC 17. Missing Eclipse: I will speak at the
appropriate time - Jonathan 18. PDP looted the eclipse for 16 years -
Oshiomhole 19. We will borrow more eclipse to fill
the gap- Finance Minister 20, The Eclipse is inconcl
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-09-06 03:40:16

317 Views




I returned to my apartment by 5:15pm after a
very busy day at the office, disjointed and sad.
“Chioma really isn’t being reasonable with me.
Can’t she just understand my plight?” i wondered
unhappily. Five minutes later my door bell rang,bringing me
out of my thoughts with its sharp noise. I
couldn’t help but wonder who
it was.
“good evening” Mary greeted with a smile as i
opened the door. She had a black nylon bag in her right hand, which i curiously stared at.
“i guess you are just coming back from work.
Your tie is still on you. I came to make soup for
my dear husband. I figured
you have nothing here” she said sweetly. I
shrugged with a forced smile. “yea come in dear.” i murmured politely as
inmade way for her to enter. She gracefully
walked into my apartment and headed
straight to the kitchen.
I truly hated seeing her. Her presence simply
disgusts me, but i had no choice than to play along. I just couldn’t wait to get rid of her.
Surprisingly she stayed back after preparing a
Vegetable soup for me. I had expected her to
leave after making the soup but she gave a flimsy
excuse.
“darling i hope i can stay the night with you. I want to sleep in your arms. I’ll leave tomorrow
morning” she kind of asked as we ate together.
“but you know unmarried couples arn’t supposed
to be sleeping together?” i asked,trying to use
religion to deny her request.
“whatever i’m staying the night” she concluded with a strong smile which somehow got me
worried. Her action sort of told me that she
already had something planned out and perhaps
could be a bit difficult for me to dictate the way
to run our
relationship. “i have to be very careful and watchful” i adviced
myself.
Immediately after the meal, i left her in the sitting
room and went straight to bed. I asn’t happy she
was around, what if
Chioma decides to show up at this moment?” i fearfully reasoned before falling asleep.By the
early hours of the next day, i woke up to see
Mary hungrily su.cking my D##k as if her life depended on it. I was shocked and quickly
defensive.
“oh not again” i hissed to myself, fearfully
pushing her away a bit roughly. She instantly
stared at me with offended eyes.
As if she suddenly realised that i was merely tolerating her.

>>

The Afterlife [Read it]


Rooney and AY are business partners.
They make a deal that whichever one
dies first will contact the living one from
the afterlife. So AY dies. Rooney doesn’t hear from
him for about a year, figures there is no
afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It’s
AY. "So there is an afterlife! What’s it like?"
Rooney asks. "Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a
big breakfast. Then I have s*x, lots of
s*x. Then I go back to sleep, but I get
up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have
some more s*x, take a nap. Huge
dinner. More s*x. Go to sleep and wake up the next day." "Oh, my God," says Rooney. "So that’s
what heaven is like?" "Oh no," says AY. "I’m not in heaven. I’m
a monkey in a Nigerian zoo.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-13 19:30:03

214 Views




I Interviewed 3 Pure Water Sellers In Port
harcourt/Aba Expressway, and according to
them: sometimes, It takes about 6 Hours to
sell 20 sachets of water which amounts to a
total of N200 (1Dollar). From the N200, the
profit is only about N40 as the pure water
sellers have to pay the wholesalers their
money back as well as cover the price for Ice
block which was used to cool the water. The
long and short if It Is that some of them
make obly N40 In 6 hours of hustling under
the hot sun, risking their lives on major
express roads and always at the mercy of the
Environmental Protection Board who whip
them with cane when caught; burst their
water sachets to the ground and fine them
N5,000. As If that isn't bad enough, when
passengers and drivers reach the traffic
stops, they prefer to dash N100, N200 Or
even N500 to beggars and fake sufferers who
sometimes make about N1,500 a day doing
nothing but begging, leaving them richer,
luckier and safer than the pure water sellers
who are young entrepreneurs serving the
larger community with their trade, and trying
to make ends meet.
So when next you are at a traffic stop,
please:
1. Dash the pure water seller money instead
2. Buy pure water to patronise them and if
the change Is N10, or even N20, you can
leave It with them.
3. Say something nice to them. Greet them,
encourage them.
4. Slow down, don't knock them down.
5. Even if you won't buy the pure water, If
they ask you to buy, rather than ignoring
them snd facing front as if they are not
humans, you can look at them, smile and say
'#Thank You'" #HelpWithTheLittleYouHave # www.facebook.com/9jastudentforum #B-goF #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Assumption [Read it]


Assuming U wake up one morning and while preparing to brush Ur mouth, U discover that all Ur teeth have turned 2 pure-GOLD, ie. (24 carat or so); you visit a dentist who confirms to U that each teeth is worth #15million in market. How many teeth will U ask d Dentist to remove 4 sale? >Send to your friends and get funny answers; but please reply me first.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-31 23:26:29

234 Views



funny u [Read it]


lol







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-26 06:23:48

247 Views




It was already first semester 300level, that was 2005, we had our Jihad week and we are supposed to travel to Ibadan for our Jihad week. Aisha was to go with us, I left home with my bag, got to school mosque and arrangement was top notch. I was waiting to see Aisha but there was nobody like her…i called her number but she was not picking, i kept on trying but her number was just ringing without anybody answering.
I was so worried about her whereabouts that i quickly enter cab to town to go and check her up in her hostel since we still have some time left, i got to her hostel but it was locked, i asked her house mate and they said she already left home saying she was going to camp. I was so worried and continue calling her number when someone eventually picked her call and said they are at Anchormed Hospital…Anchormed ke? What happened?
I quickly rushed down there and on getting there i called the number again and located the person that picked the call, i asked about Aisha and i was told she had a bike accident on her way to her bus stop at Oke-Odo. I requested to see her and was led to where she was, she had some bruises over her hand and part of her leg. Alhamdullilahi that it wasn’t more than that.
I received a call about thirty minutes later that it was time for us to be going to camp, i had to tell them to help me keep my bag somewhere that i will join the camp probably the following day as something urgent just happened. I knew straight away that i couldn’t go to the camp again that very day and it was just a five days camp.
Aishat was treated and they administer drug for her with injection, they told us we can go home and the only thing she need to do is to continue using the pain reliever that was given to her. We left the hospital and headed straight to Aisha’s hostel, i make sure she was okay, helped her with necessary things before leaving her place around 10pm. I took bike from Oke-Odo straight to my house in sanrab
I brought bread on my way to the hostel as i remembered we didn’t have stew at home, i got to our house and everywhere was dry already, virtually everybody was in their room. I opened my door and it was not locked, Ismaeel was not inside either, i took the bread to the kitchen and decided to pray first before eating as have not prayed Asri, Moghrib and Ishai (4pm,7pm and 8pm prayers). I headed straight to the toilet, i opened the door and shouted Ahuzubillahi mina sheitoni rojeem (I seek refuge from God from Satan).
What i saw was a lady totally unclad making use of the toilet, as in not even putting anything on, she too shouted blood of jesus immediately when i opened the door. I close the door back, i don’t even know where to go, either to stay in the room or go outside. I picked my phone to call Ismaeel but the phone was inside our room ringing.
I was deliberating to go outside when Ismaeel walked in from the kitchen, he was putting on just a boxer short apparently coming from Ezekiel’s place. He was shocked when he sighted me and didn’t even know what to say, we were still on the euphoria of shock when the lady in the bathroom said “baby, please help me with a towel and my night gown.

>>

Half an hour later I felt drained. I sat up. I was surprised that someone hadn't come to check up on me. They would have been worried but I was thankful that they'd left me alone to deal so I could pick up the pieces. A gentle knock on my door pulled my attention away from my thoughts.

"Come in," I said.

"You okay?" Alex asked as he peered through the door.

Was I okay? Not really but I'd made my bed and it was time to lie in it. I nodded.

"You want to talk about it?" he questioned stepping into my room.

This wasn't the brother that I was used to and it took me by surprise.

"There is nothing to talk about it," I said with a shrug. I'd made my choice and it had driven Grey away. It was for the best.

"This have anything to do with Grey?" he asked, his eyes perceptive of every emotion on face.

I didn't answer. I didn't know how my brother would react if I told him what had happened between Grey and I. He'd always been protective of me and Grey was like a brother to him. I didn't want him to feel he had to choose.

"It's not his fault." I started to explain. I didn't blame Grey for his reaction; I'd counted on it. It would have been more difficult to push him away.

"What happened?" he asked sitting down beside me on the bed.

"He can't understand why I'm delaying the surgery," I told him dropping my gaze to my hands. "He said he couldn't watch me kill myself."

My throat clogged up with emotion as I said the last sentence. I swallowed hard. Alex sat down beside me to put an arm around me and hugged me.

"It can't be easy for him," he said and I nodded in agreement. None of this was easy for anyone. But I would rather him hurt now then a month down the line if I didn't survive the surgery. He would mourn the loss of a close friend but if we built memories and deepened our feeling it would be so much worse.

There was no escape from the heavy emotions weighing my heart down. There wasn't time to deal with my tender heart. I had to ignore the pain. Time was ticking.

"I'll beat the crap out of him, if it will make you feel better?" he offered with a serious look. I shook my head smiling. It was so typical of him although it had never been his best friend on the receiving end of his fists. I couldn't explain to my brother why it was for the best that Grey had let me go now.

"You'd really do that for me?" I asked, a little take aback. They were so close that I'd just assumed that given the choice, he'd pick Grey's side.

He nodded.

"You're my sister," he said. His serious features eased with a smile that tugged at his lips. "But it's probably a good thing you don't want me to because Grey would me kicking my ass anyway. He has a mean right hook."

It pulled me back to when Grey had taken care of the Evan when he'd tried to force me into something I didn't want. I smiled at my brother glad he was trying to ease the heavy atmosphere with a joke.

That was of the things that happened when your time was limited and the people in your life that loved you, took the time to show you. Most people were too busy with life and getting everyday tasks done to appreciate the little things like connecting with the people they cared about.

"Come let's go find some ice cream," Alex suggested and I smiled. Ice cream sounded great. It was just what I needed to soothe my breaking heart. Half a tub later and I swear I was buzzing with sugar. Across from me Alex sat with a spoon.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Continue part****

We got to Benin safely and went straight to my parent house, I entered my street, the street I grow up everything has changed the street was now more quite, we got to our gate,the cap man stopped,I paided him and we enlightened from the car,we took our luggages from the car,she compliment my street I smile if only she knows how I lived my life here,I knocked at the gate a little boy of about nine opened "good evening sir are you looking for someone" he asked me,I told him who I was looking for he open the gate at once,and also help us with the luggages,I really miss my home I took Mimi hands and we both walk to the sitting room no one needs to show me the way to the sitting room this was my home we got inside the sitting room the boy ran inside immediately we entered maybe he wants to go and call someone just as I thought my mum came out with the boy immediately my mum saw me she ran and embraced me I know she was happy to see me whose mother will not be after so long, we exchange pleastins.
My mum accepted Mimi and was also happy that I have accepted to get married after a lot of singing that came from her about me getting married she has never for once get tried of that,my father later came he was not around when I came ,did I tell you about my family well my sister Judith was now married to a business man and now has four children, also my sister Oduwa is till married with two kids,my younger brother is in American working as a doctor not yet married but soon to get married, as for my dad and mum they are no longer working it was now the children turn to take care of them,God has really blessed us all thanks to my parents.

I told my father of my intention I have for Mimi he was pleased with me and we book the day we will visit her parent,mimi left the next day because she has to go inform her parent then call me to tell me if the day we agreed was okey for them,she later called to inform me that her family was ready to received us,I was happy now because I know anytime from now Mimi will be my wife.

The Dday came my father has already invisited some of my uncles I call her to tell her we were coming she was happy, I,my father and my uncles set out to my beloved mimi house, as we approach the street that was given to me it was familiar but I put it out of my mind but when I got to the gate that was when all my fears arose.

Next part.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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CLASS TEACHER: Where do Christians worship?
EKAETTE: Christians worship in the church.
CLASS TEACHER: Take this cane, give the class three, three
strokes of the cane.
Ekaette did so.
CLASS TEACHER: Where do muslims worship?
AKPORS (A Stammerer): Muslims worship in the “mo –
mo… mo-mo”.
The Teacher impatiently said, “Take this cane give them ten,
ten, strokes of the cane. (Akpors did so).
CLASS TEACHER: Now tell them the answer, and if you fail it
i’ll flog you and the whole class.
Akpors (stammered again): mo…mo…mo…”mortuary”.
The whole class burst into tears.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-14 09:44:02

1013 Views




There was a long line of souls before the gate of Heaven and Hell. Waiting on line beside each other were two residents of Lagos city, a 'Danfo' (bus) driver and a pastor and they started chatting to kill the time.

Finally, it was the bus driver's turn to be judged; after talking with God for a few minutes, he was allowed to enter heaven. The pastor came after him and had his few minutes with God. He, however, was sent to hell.

Needless to say, the pastor was pretty surprised by this turn of events and asked God why he, who had constantly talked to people about God, had been sent to hell and a bus driver was going to heaven. God replied, “We judge whether one goes to heaven not by the words he has said but the deeds he has done on the earth. While you talked about God, people slept, but they all remembered me when the bus driver drove."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-09 10:06:46

513 Views



Teen life [Read it]


At Age 7: I want to be a Doctor.
.
At Age 16: Mum look! All A's!
.
At Age 21: Medicine is hard.
.
At Age 34: Make some noise for DJ Baddo!!
#lols


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-07-20 09:59:04

400 Views



Be Humble [Read it]


MARK ZUCKERBERG
Worth : $54 : 1 bn
Rated : 6th richest man inthe world
Lifestyle : Can simply walk down thebusy
streets of Lagos without police escorts or
sirens.
NIGERIAN RICH MAN
Worth : N10m
Rated : Nobody in Africa or the world
Lifestyle : Very arrogant, Disobey traffic
laws, uncountable girlfriends,moves around
with police men, drives around with noisy
sirens. #BeHumble #HappyNewMonth #B-goF #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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A girl was passing by, and saw Her boy friend standing by the A T M machine,she immediately hid Her self some where and sent a romantic text thus:honey if you r sleeping right now send me ur dream, if u r laughing send me ur laughter, if u r eating send me some food, if u r withdrawing from the A T M machine send me some money,Her boy friend saw the message replies,:I'm in the toilet what should I send for you?!!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-11-30 13:23:54

318 Views




Me: I had to invite you everybody here for us to
settle this once and for all and to guide against
playing blame games…..I want them to be here and
be witness to everything in the presence of Kay, I
know he is still surprise of how I got to know about
him and his name but am sure everything will be clear to him very soon now
Mary: Please snakie..am very sorry for everything
Mary’s Mum: Please snakie, please forgive him
My Mum: Forgive what?
Me: You see, there is nothing to be sorry for, I
should even be the one to tell you that am sorry….Sorry for the fact that I allowed the thing
under my trouser dictate my life for me which
eventually almost ruin my life but thank God for the
way things work out.
Sincerely, its not your own mistake but rather mine
because you were on your own that very first day when I saw you and tried to take advantage of you
and do a hit and run without any stringe attached
not knowing that things will come out this way and
you definitely had your own plan from the onset
My Mum: have not seen something like this in my
life before.. “we heard a knock on the door”
Me: Yes who is that?
Voice: Its me……
Me: Biola?
Biola: Yes…..
Me: “what a surprise, we spoke yesterday and she didn’t tell me she will be coming”Am coming…
please hold on
“I approached the door and opened the door for
Biola, I led her into the sitting room, my mom
welcomed her with both hand and offered a sit
beside her” My Mum: Welcome my wife….ku ojo meta, hey yah…
am so sorry my wife, am very sorry for everything
Dad: How is work and family Biola
Biola: We bless God Sir, everybody is fine
Me: Welcome baby…so, as I was saying earlier
before Biola walked in…All I required from Mary is the truth and nothing but the truth………………..Who is
responsibe for your pregnancy Mary?
“silent without any response”
Me: I said who is responsible for the pregnancy
My Mum: Are you not the one he is asking
questions? Cant you answer Mary’s Mum: Who else will be responsible now
snakie…………..
Me: You cant talk abi? Don’t worry, I will talk on
your behalf and you can always interrupt to correct
me if am lying agains you.
Sir, Ma..the fact is that Mary was like two to three weeks pregnant before I met her..who she was
pregnant for is what I don’t know which is definitely
non of mu business at this particular moment.
What baffles me most is the fact that we went to
the hospital after she got pregnant for confirmation
and we were told it was 3 weeks then of which it was almost 6weeks pregnancy, definitely I don’t
know how she does that too….
Ironically, she was dating kayode before she met
me and at the same time dating Emma…kayode and
Emma are best friend, they were passing Mary to
each other as s*x machine before she got married and they both denied it as they realized she was
not worth it because how will she be sleeping with
two guys at the same time, got regnant and want
either of them to accept it. The fac is that both of
them even know she was not dating them alone as
she has fling of guys at her disposal. I believe her meeting me that day was an
opportunity for her to push the pregnancy on me
which the foolishness in me didn’t allow me to
reason well. I was trying to play game not knowing
that I was playing with the master. I wanted to do
one off but she has another plan for me by pushing another man’s preganancy on me…..
Here is the issue, if she cant talk, I believe kay will
be able to say something to all have said and like I
told you earlier, Mary is not worth your life
Kay..she’s a biatch and you have nothing to gain
from her or loose by saying the truth…so talk now kay, I want you to talk right now (With a strong
voice).
Kay: emmmmm….emmmm
Me: Kay, u be guy now…abeg talk
Kay: The truth is that, have been in an affair with
Mary for more than two years now…I met her when she was in final year in school , it was not a
elationship per say but a kind of affair student have
that you pay them after having satisfaction with
them….so along the line my friend got interested in
her and he also did her so far the price was right…
Along the line, like 8 months ago, she told me she was pregnant and I querried her why she will be
pregnant despite doctors advice the last time she
went for abortion last year that she shouldn’t
attempt to abort any pregnancy again if she needed
her life….
So, the question was who she was pregnant for as I was so sure I was not the only one sleeping with
her, after I rejected it..she took it to Emma and
that one too rejected it outrightly and asked her to
go and look for who impregnated her.that was the
last thing I know about her before reconnecting
again Me: I guess I was the mumu she eventually ushed
the pregnancy on……..so, after you knew she found
someone to push the pregnancy on, u still had the
mind to come here and be bleeping her again in my
house
Dad: abi oooooooo……….This kay is a bastard Kay: It wasn’t y voice..she was the one disturbing
me and saying she missed me, so I came for a visit
to Lagos five months ago, I asked where she was
and she described this place to me and before I
knew it, we had s*x for the first time here…
Mary: Why lying on my head now Kay….Snakie, please its not like that oooooo
Me: then, how is it? I want you to talk right now

To Be Continued…



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Akpos d Baddest [Read it]


A certain sick man(AKPOS) died but he was very rich. After his burial his entire family gathered around d
lawyer 4 d reading of his will.

The lawyer started reading:

To my wife i give 70persent of my money and d house.

To my children 30percent of money and cars.

To my brother dat keep saying health is bether than wealth: I give him my first aid box full of medicine
2 take care of himself


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-07-22 14:58:04

332 Views




Kanjoos(Miser) lawyer working in UK wrote to his wife in India .Dear Sunita Darling,I can’t send you my salary this month because the global market crisis has affected my Company’s performance, so I am sending 100 kisses.You are my sweetheart, please understand and adjust with this situation.Your loving husband,TunaHis wife replied..TINKU KE PAPPA,
Thanks for the 100 kisses.Below is the list of expenses I paid with the Kisses…1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month’s milk.2. The electricity man, Kooldip Singh, agreed not to disconnect only after 7 kisses.3. Your landlord Kapal Singh comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of the monthly rent.4. Supermarket owner Jaswant Singh did not accept kisses only, so I gave him other items, I hope you understand.5. Miscellaneous expenses 40 kisses.Please don’t worry about me, I still have a balance of 35 kisses andI hope I can survive the month using this balance.Shall I plan the same for the next month?Your Sweet Heart,SunitaRelated

OREGUN BOYS (STORY BY DINDY) LAST EPISODE 5
Please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this story.
:.........
Segun: "Chuks wetin be the scores?", he asked.
Chuks: "E still be one-one o", he said.
Micheal: "Police come scatter things o", he said.
Segun: "I wish sey I dey, I for do something", he said.
Chuks: "E pain me die I swear", he said.
Micheal: "I for done commot person hand if to say them no come that time", he said.
Micheal: "Where you even dey sef?", he asked.
Segun: "I go arrange our shipment", he said.
Segun: "What of frank and Godwin?", he asked.
Chuks: "I no know where dey put head o", he said.
Micheal: "I done dey try their number since and they no dey pick", he said.
Segun: "I hope say dey never catch them o?", he asked.
Chuks: "E no fit happen na", he said.
Chuks: "I trust those mad boys, them sabi how to escape police", he said.
Micheal: "I see them when dey run enter another street", he said.
Segun: "Well if you sure say police no catch them no problem", he said.
Segun: "But how come police con locate una on time?", he asked.
Micheal: "Guy e sure me say na one of the other cult members call police because them know say we go finish them", he said.
Chuks: "Micheal I no sure say na any of them call police o", he said.
Segun: "Wetin Chuks talk na true", he said.
Segun: "Them no fit do anything like that", he said.
Micheal: "Well na true sha", he said.
Chuks: "Segun how the shipment be this time?", he asked.
Segun: "E large pass the last one", he said.
Micheal: "That's good, more money", he said.
Micheal: "I wish say Frank and Godwin dey here with us", he said.
Segun: "Guys my mind dey trouble me o", he said.
Chuks: "Shey na because of Frank and Godwin?", he asked.
Segun: "Yes o, I dey really troubled", he said.
Micheal: "Guy you too dey fear", he said.
Segun: "But na yesterday all this happen na", he said.
Segun: "So dey for done come here by now na", he said.
Chuks: "No fear nothing go happen", he said.
Segun: "But time na 2pm and they never show face o", he said.
Micheal: "Guy cool down", he said.
Micheal: "Shey na me tell you say I see them when dey escape", he said.
Segun: "I done hear", he said.
Although Micheal and Chuks assured Segun that Frank and Godwin escaped the policemen who wanted to arrest cult members that were fighting in a street, Segun didn't believe all they said.
His doubt was on the high side and he felt so comfortable waiting for them. Just as he was about to make a decision to go out to go find them, a call came into his phone and to his surprise it was...
Micheal: "Who dey call you?", he asked wanting to know who called Segun.
Segun: "I no know this number o", he said.
Segun: "I no go pick am", he said.
Chuks: "E better make you no pick am because you no know whether na people wey wan track you", he said.
Segun: "Wetin you talk na true, I no go pick am", he said.
Micheal: "What if na one of those your babes?", he asked.
Micheal: "Maybe one of them don carry belle for you", he said.
Segun: "I no dey enter babe without C.D o", he said.
Segun: "I no be Chuks na", he said with a smile.
Chuks: "Guy wetin you mean na?", he asked giving him the bad eyes.
Segun: "Wetin I mean be say you na player and me no be player", he said with a smile as he put his phone on silent.
Micheal: "Una don start again with una non sense talk", he said.
Chuks: "No mind the yeye boy. Him dey call me player like say na him pure pass me", he said.
Segun: "Chuks pack well jare, you wey drop out of Jss 2 because you wan f*ck aunty precious", he said.
Chuks: "See this werey sha, no be you drop out of jss1 third term because say one sugar mummy call you to come spend 4months for her house", he said laughing.
Micheal: "[Laughs] na true o I just remember that sh*t now. Ah Segun na you be the badest o", he said.
Segun: "Micheal no start your own o, I no wan open mouth talk your own", he said.
Micheal: "I no beg you o, open mouth talk", he said.
Segun: "Make I talk?", he asked playfully.
Chuks: "Talk na, after all Micheal own no bad like your own, although himself drop out but him reasons pure", he said.
Micheal: "Even Frank and Godwin own pure. Their parents no get money again to help them for school so dey come drop out con enter Yahoo", he said.
Segun: "Guy e done do, but wetin I know be say Chuks na the olosho amongst us", he said laughing
Chuks: "Id*ot na you be olosho", he said smiling while Micheal laughed.
Segun: "Na wa for this peron o, e still dey call me", he said looking at his phone ringing in silent.
Micheal: "Guy e fit be those shipment people o", he said.
Segun: "No be them. Na text them dey mostly send give me and even if them wan call dey go first send text then call me", he said.
Chuks: "If na so, no pick am", he said.
Segun took the advice of Chuks and didn't pick the call because he wasn't sure who the caller was.
He left his phone to continue ringing and they continued talking about other things.
As they continued their discussion, a message came into Segun's phone.
Segun: "Guys that number don send me message o", he said.
Chuks: "Read am out make we hear", he said.
Segun: "Ok make I open am read am out", he said.
After Segun opened and read the content in the message, all of them began to shake in fear.
Micheal: "Jesus Christ", he said in disbelief.
Chuks: "Chia wetin we go do now o?", he asked.
Segun: "I talk am, my mind no rest. I know say something dey wrong", he said.
Segun: "I know say trouble dey. Shey una don see am, dey don arrest Frank", he said.
Segun: "Make I quickly call Godwin back maybe him fit meet us for here so we go know our next move", he said.
Micheal: "Abeg call am fast fast so that we go know our next move", he said.
Segun quickly called Godwin to tell him to come over to where they were.
Godwin picked Segun's call immediately it came in. Segun then told Godwin to come to where they were, but Godwin told him that it won't be possible because he was presently running away from SAS....
Segun: "Godwin, Godwin!", he shouted as the call dropped.
Chuks: "Wetin happen?", he asked.
Micheal: "Guy tell us wetin happen na", he said.
Segun: "Godwin talk say SAS dey chase am o and as the call wan end I hear gun shot", he said.
Chuks: "Guy this thing don pass o", he said.
Micheal: "Abeg make we clear from here sharp sharp before them con trace us here o", he said.
Segun: "So dey don catch Frank and Godwin like that", he said with tears in his eyes
Segun: "I hope say dey no even kill Godwin because the gun shot scare me o", he said in fear.
Chuks: "Them no fit kill am na", he said.
Micheal: "Guy make we clear from here now", he said.
Chuks: Make we quickly find where to hide o", he said.
They all quickly left the place and went to a special hide out which was far away from Oregun.
The place they found was quiet and was more like a grave yield than a place where people lived.
Chuks: "At least for now we go dey safe here", he said.
Micheal: "Nobody go suspect say humans dey stay here", he said.
Segun: "Make I rest, I don tire for all this things wey dey happen", he said as he fell on the chair.
Micheal: "See time sef 6pm and we never chop since morning", he said.
Chuks: "Guy life better pass food o", he said.
Segun: "So how we wan take help Frank and Godwin?", he asked as his phone vibrated and immediately an sms came in.
Chuks: "I no know for now o because this one wey SAS don put hand inside. E tire me", he said.
Micheal: "Segun who message you?", he asked.
Segun: "Guy na those shipment people", he said.
Chuks: "Wetin dem talk?", he asked.
Micheal: "Abeg make e be good news", he said.
Segun: "O boy this one no be good news o. They done catch the boy o and dem say dem dey come after us", he said.
Micheal: "Chia!", he yelled.
Chuks: "Which kin non sense be this na?", he questioned angrily.
Segun: "Today just carry bad luck, sh*t!", he exclaimed as he threw the phone he held.
Segun, Micheal and Chuks later slept off without eating a meal because they were seriously worried about the things that happened that very day.
Night came and the time was 9pm, suddenly a loud voice yelled their names.
Voice: "Segun, Micheal, Chuks!!", said the voice loudly.
Voice: "We know you are in there!", said the voice.
Voice: "This is the police force. Please step out with both your hands on your head!", said the voice loudly.
Segun, Micheal and Chuks quickly got up and was surprised to hear their names.
Micheal: "ah how dey take know here?", he asked in shock and tears
Segun: "Jesus o, e don end for us here", he said in fear and shock.
Chuks: "No way!", he yelled.
Chuks: "I no fit enter prison", he said as he stood up from where he laid
Chuks: "E better make I die than to enter prison", he said as he run out side to escape.
Segun: "No Chuks!!", he shouted as Chuks ran out side.
Micheal: "Chuks nooo!!!", he shouted the name of Chuks as Chuks tried to make a run for his life away from the policemen.
Two bullets hit Chuks on his legs pushing him to the ground in pain. Chuks yelled and shouted in pain as he held his legs strongly.
The policemen arrested all three of them and they were jailed together with Frank, Godwin and Daniel.
Chuks could no longer walk again because of the damage the bullets did to his legs, he was totally paralyzed. Godwin was shot in the arm when he had tried to escape.
Daniel was taken to a rehabilitation hospital and was going to be charge to court when he comes of age for drugs trafficking.
The five of them where placed under house arrest until they got to the age of 18 which was sooner than soon.
When the time came, They went to court and were charged for fraud, drugs trafficking and gang violence.
Due to the kind of man the Judge was, he sentenced them to 69 Years in prison.
They cried out in tears begging the judge, but it was pointless because the judge had made his last order.
They cried out in pain wishing they had not moved into the life they chose. They cried cursing and blaming no one but themselves for what they had brought upon themselves.
All the money they had was now useless and of no use to them because they were no longer the owner.
All they had was nothing and their lives were totally ruined because of their greed to acquire much money and to have a great stand (negative) in the society.
THE END
STORY BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI
contact me on
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Email: [email protected]
or
Email: [email protected] Facebook: Ossy andy Nnamdi
Skype: 07087750433
or
Skype: [email protected]
Twitter: @nnamdiossy
INSTAGRAM: @ossynnamdi.


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akpors [Read it]


Akpors met a man sitting outside and said if u are my father what wil be my gain he said I wil make u tastemoney on Akpors next live he was his father then his father went wit a gal akpors now told him where is my riches he then say I said testimoney not taste money akpors fainted


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-12 17:06:40

572 Views




I was a man trapped in a woman’s body. Then I was born.Related

Close your eyes;

Relax your body;

And now hold your breath for as long as you can.

I miss you as much as you missed the fresh air!Related

one day our pastor traveled to the United States of America for a program, he saw how American pastors ministers,they will be doing ministration and after a little while take permission to drink a little bottled water,so my pastor came back now and sent one of our protocol members for Eva water, he further instructed him to make sure it's Sweet water! but normally the pastor do preach and i quote, anytime i send you hear for 1bottled water dnt wait til i tell you two so that you can be blessed! so the protocol harkened unto instruction and Added Excess sugar to the water,so as usual my pastor started ministering so a little while he took permission saying,em excuss me brethren he drank the water the 1st time, he preach a little while,again he said excuss me brethren and drank the water the second and third time, immediately the sweetness of the sugar started affecting the pastor in his tongue and saliva started spranging up heavily,my pastor didn't know what to do again and he started using saliva to do church impartations,unknown to him The President of Christian fellowship in Nigeria was around,while he tourched everybody's eyes with the saliva and he reached the president side he shouted,Chi nekeme ah! Am in soup! he immediately threw up! One word for our pastor!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-14 14:18:54

491 Views




Q: How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony ?

A: It’s not hard.Related

A blonde was taking helicopter lessons. The instructor said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet to see how you're doing."At 1000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great. At 2000 feet, he said she was still doing well.Right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground.The instructor ran to where she crash landed and pulled her out of the helicopter. "What went wrong?"The blonde said, "At 2500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-27 17:48:44

601 Views




A man is born today, Tomorrow he is dead.A man lives in a mansion today, Tomorrow he lives underground.

A man drives a car today, Tomorrow an ambulance drives him.

A man reads biology today, Tomorrow a biography is been read for him.

A man eats whatever he wants today,Tomorrow he becomes food for insects.

A man is always early for work today,Tomorrow he is termed late Mr/Mrs.

A man is seen resting in his house today,Tomorrow he is resting in a coffin.

A man wants to be a hero and goes to war for his country but in return, he is termed FALLEN HERO.

A man eats all kinds of fruits in his house today, Tomorrow he becomes manure to those trees.

A man is on suit today, Tomorrow he is on white garment.

A man is known today as the richest man ever, Tomorrow he doesn't even know where or what will happen to his riches.What is life after all?

Plan your life because you may not see tomorrow.

When your life is well planned you won't be afraid of anything.

Live a good life for better eternity. Say Amen and share to your friends


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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I was telling this girl about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs...rn

rn
"Really?" she said, "Go on then... try." rn

rn
After about thirty seconds of fondling, she lost patience and demanded "Come on, what day was I born?"rn

rn
"Yesterday." I replied.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-27 13:52:25

411 Views




JOKE PART 4 BY DINDY

Girl: Dindy I am sorry to say this but your sister ain't so pretty, please don't take it offensively ok?.
Dindy: Ok no problem.
Girl: Let us play a question game.
Dindy: Awesome!.
Girl: If you woke up tomorrow as an animal, what animal would you choose to be?.
Dindy: Your dad..............lol.
#DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
BB pin:7bd0a0d6
Watch out for part 5


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-09-08 19:43:34

223 Views




Tarak Mehata Ka Oolta Chashma Special Jokes…..

.

.

Jethalal :- Ahmedabad Ki Dhoop Se Skin Meri Jali,

Ahmedabad Ki Dhoop Se Skin Meri Jali.

”Mehta Saheb, Chura Ke Dil Mera Babita Chali.

.

Jethalal :- Agr meri shadi meri marji se hoti

Wah wah ….

Agr meri shadi meri marji se hoti

To TAPUDA teri mummy DAYA nhi BABITA hoti.

.

Jethalal : Har Shaam Suhani Nahi Hoti,

Har Chahat K Pichhe Kahani Nhi Hoti.



Kuch To Asar Zarur Hoga Mahobat Me,

Warna Gori BABITA Kale AIYER Ki Diwani Nahi hoti-:)

.

Exam ke time pe nind acchi aati he

Wah wah

Exam ke time pe nind acchi aati he

.

Jethalal k dukan jane k time pe hi

Babita niche kyu aati hain..Related

abbreviations [Read it]


..at school our teacher told us to say an abbreviation and it's full meaning,so he started with a girl called favour,she stood up and said "OAU-organisation of african union",he called on another girl chioma,she said "UN-united nations",then he called a boy james,he said "AIT-africa independent television",our teacher then said you tried but keep standing,so a boy called ovie raised his hands and then our teacher called on him,then he stood up and said in a bold voice "ABC-amebo business center"...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-03 23:54:20

429 Views




Akpos was having a cool drink at bar when Adampe his colleague at the office dashed in sweating.
Akpos: Why are you sweating like xmas goat.
Adampe: You mean you have not heard?
Akpos: heard what?
Adampe: that the bank we receive our salary has fold.
Akpos: Are you serious?
Adampe:Yes and i have all my savings there.
Akpos yelled "Bar man, bring more beer"
Adampe: are you insane?
Akpos: No, i collect loan of 1 million from that bank.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-17 14:54:27

838 Views




There are three men in the military practicing skydiving. The first man jumps out and a swiss army knife falls out of his pocket. The second man jumps out and a kitchen knife falls out of his pocket. The third jumps out and a grenade falls out of his pocket. When they land, they go and look for the things they drop because they could have really hurt someone.

The first man is running along the street and sees a little boy crying. "Little boy, why are you crying?" he asks. The boy says, "A swiss army knife fell out of the sky and killed my cat!"

The second man is running along a street and sees a little girl crying. "Little girl, why are you crying?" he asks. The girl says, "A big kitchen knife fell from the sky and killed my puppy!"

The third man is running down a street and sees a little boy laughing hysterically. "Little boy, why are you laughing?" he asks. The boy says, "My dad farted and the house blew up!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-26 13:48:52

432 Views



Akpos'Landlord [Read it]


This brief conversation ensued between Akpos and his landlord...

LANDLORD: (knocks at Akpos door)
AKPOS: (Opens the door)
LANDLORD: Hey man, I`m looking for my house rent?
AKPOS: You can come in let`s look for it together.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-02 09:35:47

662 Views




Mary went to the doctor complaining of body odour.

“Do you wash?” the doc asked the rank young girl.

“Oh, yes”, Mary answered. “Each morning, I start at my head and wash down as far as possible. Then I start at my feet and wash up as far up as possible.”

“Well”, the doc concluded, “Go home and wash, Possible!”Related
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