Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the
father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are
there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son,
a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a
woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm.
In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice,
hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.”
“Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and
they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and
daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many
different kinds of willies are there?” The mother
smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through
three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an
oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s
like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s
like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the
daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and
the balls are just for decoration.”


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-08 12:31:34

875 Views




I showed my 12 year old son an old floppy disk,

He said, “Wow cool! you 3D printed the save icon!”Related

Akpos mum: Any where i keep money Akpos steals it. I don`t know what to do about this, where do I keep money?
rn Akpos dad: Keep it in his books. He never open them


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-04 16:00:36

293 Views




Angela took some steps backwards with her eyes focused on the red liquid dripping from Sonia.
She knew what it signified.She needed no one to tell her that what it meant.With a quick reflex,she turned and saw David standing some distance away.She stared at her,hatred and anger filled her eyes with questions flashing through her mind.How dare him? How dare him do this to her? How could he impregnate their maid? Could it be because she has not been able to conceive and give him a child?
Tears gathered in those eyes of hers,red with anger but she fought hard to send the tears back to where they came from.

"Are you people going to leave her here? Do you people want her to die?"Sonia's mother spoke out.Ebere was right.Sonia was pregnant.

Angela was sure she didn't quite hear her right but she heard her say something.Her head was spinning.She was beginning to feel dizzy.It was then it dawned on her that she actually brought another wife for her husband in the name of a maid.She felt everything turning around and before she knew it,she slumped to the ground.

David rushed over to her at once while Sonia's mother was supporting her daughter to her feet.They must get to the nearest hospital as soon as possible.
David never knew she was pregnant.She never told him about it.

A car pulled into the compound.Mr.and mrs.Uwa;Angela's parents got down impatiently,seeing their daughter on the ground and a woman they never wished they would see again;Sonia's mother;Ngozi's half sister who was always at logger heads with her(Angela's mother)

"How can father give you most of all he has and left me with with little? Am i not his daughter too? You poisoned his mind against me.We shall see"Those were the words Mrs.Ngozi uwa got from her when their father's will was read out,and ever since then,different kinds of problems unleashed themselves on herself and her husband until they seemed to have ceased.Armed robbers visited them regularly,confiscating almost everything they had.Mrs Ngozi uwa was nearly forced to concluded that her half sister,Adaora,whose husband died in a motor accident with their two kids,was behind the disappearance of her child.
Could she be the mother of Sonia? How come? Confusion and curiousity manifested themselves on her,but who was she going to ask those questions.
Her half sister had gave a wicked,prolonged hiss on seeing her.It was her husband who signaled to her not to make any move or say anything to her.

"What is happening here"Mr uwa asked,rushing to feel her daughter.

"David what happened?"Mrs uwa asked with her heart beating fast.She feared something bad might have happened to her daughter.

"She fainted!"David reported.

"Isnt that Sonia your maid? What happened to her?"She asked againg pointing at them,moving out of the compound.Adaora was seriously making sure they left quicky.

"What is wrong with you young man? Cant you talk again? We can take them both to the hospital"Mr uwa rushed and reversed his car.David played down his question.They got Angela into the car and in no time,they were out of the compound.Adaora and Sonia were nowhere to be found.


**3.15PM THAT SAME DAY*
Angela woke up to see her mother by her side.She glanced around.She was at home.
The doctor said she only fainted and nothing more.

Mr.uwa had tried hearing from David what actually happened but he never answered his questions the way he wanted him to,so he waited on Angela.
Angela's mother too,was not left out it thoughts.What could have happened to her precious daughter?

"Are you feeling better now?"She asked,watching her daughter closely.She looked weak.
Angela nodded and said she wanted to ease herself

"Where is she?"David who came in few minutes later asked.

"She went to ease herself"Mrs uwa replied,eyeing him suspiciously.David left.

"I cant find her,"David reported,emerging from the door that led to the backyard,"I have searched every nook and cranny of this house"

"Is she up already?"Mr.uwa asked,as he entered the room.Seeing the troubled look on the two faces there,the look on his face changed too.

"Angela is missing"David announced,reached for his car keys and hurried out,leaving his inlaws there like undecided ghosts

To Be continued...

If you are with me say Hi!

>>

JOKE PART 55 BY DINDY
I and an Hausa girl were chatting, when this happened .....
Girl: Dindy
Dindy: Yes dear
Girl: I want to asked you a question fa.
Dindy: Ok, cool go on.
Girl: Do you think I can make you laugh fa?.
Dindy: Yes.
Girl: How?.
Dindy: Pronounce PARAGRAPH.
Girl: FARAGRAPH ............
DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 56.




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-11-23 21:00:33

196 Views




A frotteur is a person who becomes sexually excited by rubbing against strangersRelated

Person who chases two rabbits catches neither.

~ ConfuciusRelated

“I was being pursued by armed robbers,” I narrated to the
middle-aged policeman who came to question me for
driving into the premises in the manner I did. “Armed
robbers?” He echoed. “Where?” “They sped off as soon as I
entered this place. They’ve been following me from far off,” I
explained. “Hmm ok no wahala,” the policeman replied. “But
u go roger us something nah for saving u.” The way he said
“roger us something” sounded like there were hundreds of
them but in essence it was only him standing before me. I
opened my handbag and brought out N500 note and
handed to him. “Ah madam thank u,” he greeted. “Na God
go bless u walahi. Nagode madam thank u.” I waved at him,
whined my glass, engaged my gear in reverse, drove back a
bit, selected gear one and zoomed off without looking back.
I got to my lodge around 9pm in the evening and beeped my
horn and our security man opened the gate for me. The
security man was employed few days after that incident that
occurred the night I celebrated my new jeep. I had just
switched off my ignition when a call from Gaby hotel came
into my phone that a client needed my company for the
night and was willing to pay upto 500k depending on how
well I satisfied him. The amount 500k hit the sensitive part of
my auditory cortex and I didn’t know when I switched on my
ignition to the immense surprise of the security man.
“Please I forgot something,” I said motioning to him to open
the gate for me. He obeyed and I drove off to meet up with
the business. I couldn’t imagine myself going into my room
to sleep while cool 500k passed me by. I got to Gaby hotel
around 9.45pm and introduced myself to the receptionist. It
was the first time I was doing business with the hotel so I
didn’t emphasise my “pay before service” policy. I just gave
them the benefit of the doubt cos the hotel looked rich and
well managed. “Room 245,” the receptionist informed
pointing down the hallway. “The room at the extreme by
your right.” I thanked him and followed the direction he was
pointing. I heard muffled voices of couples having s€x in
their rooms as I made my way to room 245. “Mm…ouh..
Oouuuss…the juice is coming out!” I heard a masculine voice
moan as I searched on. I soon got to room 245 and tapped
on the door. To my surprise, a feminine voice responded
and asked me to come in. I had never had a female client
since I ventured into this business and that night seemed it
was going to be my first time. I swung the door open and
went in. Truly, my client was a well groomed middle-aged
woman. She wasn’t fat but nonetheless had enough flesh in
the right places and looked more like a married woman than
a single lady. My first thought when I saw her was that she
had probably invited me to carry out some of her dirty jobs
for her like set somebody up or help her get something from
an enemy via seduction. Not until she asked me to pull off
my clothes and come and give it to her like no other lady
had ever done before. I wasn’t experienced in l€sbian s€x
and had never come across my mind that I would one day
come across a female l€sbian client. I stood transfixed to the
spot I was standing unsure of what to do. “Don’t tell me you
came here to mope at me?” She snapped becoming irritated.
“Sorry ma,” I apologised and instantly took off my clothes.
“Help me and remove mine,” she instructed turning her
back. I unzipped her blouse and skirt which revealed robust
and well fed b00bs and bumbum. Her b00bs were full far
from the sagged b00bs I had expected to see. Her bumbum
was very fleshy and soft to touch. I set to work as soon as
her clothes were off, working my way from one n!ppl€ to the
other as my free hand explored her hairy pu$$¥ region. I
needed my full payment so there wasn’t any time for dulling.
Inexperience wasn’t going to be an excuse to loose 500k and
if I didn’t know what to do, I did what I knew. “Suck me,” she
instructed pointing at her pu$$¥ area. I hesitated for a while
but caught myself superbly. “Lie down and spread your
legs,” I commanded for the first time that night to gain some
control before she started seeing me like a slave with no
opinion. She lay down and spread her legs as I instructed.
She had a very fat pu$$¥ much fatter than mine with hairs
all over. I couldn’t tell the last time a shaving stick came
across that area but that wasn’t any of my business. My
concern was to do my job and earn my money. Without
wasting time I plunged my tongue into the bushy orifice and
lapped on and on like a thirsty dog. “Umph,” the woman
moaned holding on to my shoulders. I sucked her for twenty
minutes and there-about before we switched position and
assumed the pu$$¥ to pu$$¥ position in a scissors style. Our
pu$$ies rubbed against each other and gave her immense
pleasure which I couldn’t explain. We rubbed on like that for
forty-five minutes and there-about before she was
eventually gripped by her orgasm and lay off exhausted on
the bed. The next morning I had my cheque of five hundred
thousand naira duly signed and waiting for me for a job well
done…

>> Episode 41 -

Investigation [Read it]


The American police style: Investigate he’s a thief till you
find an evidence to catch him.
The China police style: Chase the thief till he gets tired, then
you catch him.
The Arab police style: Kidnap the thief’s wife and threaten
the thief to surrender.
The Indian police style: Allow a pretty damsel sing for him to
lure him closer, then you catch him.
What is the Naija Police Style?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-28 00:05:27

418 Views



U must explain [Read it]


Nigerian Police Force Arrests a guy and they
were checking his phone. At that moment of
checking his
phone, a text message comes in. It says,
"Please, if you
are coming, buy one Ak-47 with 6 bullets so we
can be
prepared for tonight's operation."
How would the guy explain to the police that
his friend
meant Vodka (Ak-47) and Energy drink (Bullet)?
To make matter worse, his friend's name is
Robert but
he
saved it as "ROB-1" on his phone!
What should the guy do?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-08 18:57:32

1287 Views




One morning, I was driving out from my street road going to work. The street road has only one lane and its so tight that it can only allow one vehicle to pass at a go. I had driven far when I sighted a car joining the road in opposite direction. I horned for him to drive back so that I can pass first but he kept on coming. When we got close, I stepped down, walk up to him and said politely "small boy, please kindly drive back let me pass. I don't want trouble this evening"
The guy came down from his car and started yelling "What a fuck! What a shit! How dear you call me a small boy? Do you know who I be? O o o o o You no dey fear face? Ok Na today you go see trouble"
He dashed into his car, off the ignition, lock the door and stood beside a tree talking all kinds of thing without break.
I was so dumbfounded, totally confused on what to do. I can't start fighting with him and beside am already late to work. I thought of driving back but it will cause me more time.
Just I was still contemplating on what to do, I heard a siren coming from my back. I looked back and it was army patrol team coming from my back.
The guy started panting "Na police abi na army be that?"
I laughed and respond "No is ambulance"
The guy rushed inside his car with the speed of light.
He tried to on the car but it refused to start.
He tried and tried and tried "for where!"
He started sweating and begging "Senior man, please come help me push this galopy."
Hahaha
To cut it short, the stupid boy received 24 lashes of koboko from the soldiers.

Please make sure you drop a comment.

Happy sunday fans


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-24 17:53:04

3236 Views




A Man came home
from work last night
and said to his wife "I
have been given a
huge promotion at
work which means I
get my own office and
get to employ my own
secretary"
Wife says "well please
find an ugly secretary
,who doesn't have a
personal hygiene,
smelly armpits and
dresses like an old
woman, I don't want
you choosing someone
who you are going to
be tempted to have
an affair with!"
"That's fair enough",
the man replied "when
do you wanna start?"



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-19 17:01:48

555 Views




As Ana watched in fear, the big burly guy opened the passenger door and Rahul's sister stepped out.

"Oh dear, I am so sorry. By the time I came back, you left. I didn't know you were leaving." She moved towards Ana.

"Thanks" Ana murmured. She was still in shock and shaking with fear.

"OMG Ana! We are sorry for scaring you. He is Miso, my personal driver and security specialist. This is not a safe area to travel by foot, so we were speeding to find you. By the way I am Neha, Rahul's sister." She hugged Ana seeing her shaking with fear.

Ana felt better after the hug and warmed up to Neha.

"Come let's go, I want you to meet someone." Neha led Ana towards the SUV.

"I can't, Mr Rahul fired me from job and kicked me out of the mansion. I don't think he will be happy to see me."

"Don't worry, this is not my brother's house. I already got the story from Ahmed and it's not your fault. I will make sure you get dropped at your home safely. Please ... come with me."

After getting assurance from Neha, Ana got into the SUV and they sped back towards the mansion.

As Ana followed Neha inside the mansion, she nervously watched her surroundings, afraid of running into Rahul or Ria. Neha took Ana to her bedroom and asked her to wait there.
Ana looked around in awe at the luxurious furnishings in the bedroom. Though she was used to working in star hotels, she was surprised by the delicate furnishings and wondered at the amount of money that went into the elaborate design of the bedroom. It was probably more than her lifetime earnings.

As she was looking around, the door opened and Neha stepped in with the lady whom Ana saved.

"Ana meet my mom, Mandira Shah"

"OMG! You are ... are ... Mr Rahul's mom." Ana covered her mouth in shock. "Mrs Shah, I am so sorry, I called your son a monster. I didn't know ..."

"Don't worry about it dear .." Mrs Shah hugged Ana, "call me Mandy. I am sorry for all the drama that happened and for getting you into trouble."

"No problem, I am fine. I didn't mean to be rude with Mr Rahul, but I am sorry, it didn't work out and he is now mad at me."

"Don't worry about him, I will talk to him later, but I want you to stay for the party. How is your son doing? What is his name?"

"His name is Charlie, but I call him prince. My roommate is taking care of him and I need to get back to him. I am glad I met you, but I cannot stay for the party. Also I think it is better for me to stay away from Mr Rahul, I don't want to create more trouble for him."

"Its okay, don't worry about him. You don't work for him anymore. I want to talk to you about a position here. Can you talk to your roommate and see if she can take care of prince else I can arrange something from here?"

Ana spoke with Cynthia to let her know she was coming late and to take care of prince.

"Ok, I can stay for some time, my roommate can take care of prince." She said hesitantly.

"Excellent, I need to go and take care of guests, but Neha is going to take care of you." Mandy left leaving Ana with Neha.

"Ana, go ahead and take a quick shower. I am going to find a dress for you. You are not going like this to the party." She pushed Ana into the bathroom.

Ana had no choice but to go along with Neha. When she returned from the shower, there was a beautiful, full length blue Versace dress laid out for her. There were also two ladies there, who helped her with the dress and then did her hair and makeup. Neha returned with matching heels and jewellery set for the dress.

"Neha please, I don't think it is appropriate for me to go with your jewellery. I could get into trouble with Mr Rahul, he wouldn't approve."

"Hey ... this is my mother's home and this jewelry is mine and you are like a sister to me, so don't worry about him. You are so innocent and honest and you saved my mother's life, I and my family are indebted to you. My mom likes you so much and was talking about you and your son all the time. Now you are like family to us, so don't worry about anything. If my brother gets near you, I will be there to handle the situation."

Ana looked at herself in the mirror and was amazed at the transformation. Then she got scared thinking about the last time she dressed up for a party.

"What happened?" Neha asked.

"Nothing, just some scary flashback." Ana replied.

"Don't worry, I won't let anything happen to you." Neha said, leading them into the party.

As both the ladies made their enterance, there was a hush, people turned to look at them.

Rahul couldn't believe his eyes as he looked at Neha introducing Ana to her friends. For a second, he thought she was his sweetheart, with her hair dyed black, walking down the stairs. He was still in a trance, when Sam nudged him.

"Hey, you said you fired her and sent her home .... are you trying to hide her inside? What's going on?"

"I don't know Sam, but something is going on. Everytime I try to put some distance between us, she bounces back much closer."

Just then Ria came and pulled him aside. "What's going on Rahul? Why is your sister undermining your authority? Just look at Ana, first she lied about covering for Ruby and now is back, dressed up like a model. She is desperate about this party. I think she has an agenda, which may not be good for you. We need to fix this asap." Ria was watching Ana with hatred, move around with New York's rich and famous.

"Don't do anything Ria, let me deal with it." Rahul started moving towards Ana.

From a corner of her eye, Ana saw Rahul coming towards her, so she moved in the opposite direction to avoid him. The party was moving at brisk pace and Ana and Rahul were playing cat and mouse game. Time was running out for Rahul as Ana remained successful in avoiding him.

Ana kept moving around with an eye on Rahul, until he got pulled away by his business partners. Heaving a sigh of relief, she stepped into the balcony, overlooking the garden to get some fresh air.

Suddenly she felt a movement close to her, raising the hairs on her neck. Ria stood close to her and whispered in her ear.

"Ana! You are playing a very dangerous game. This is way out of your league. Just wearing someone's else dress and jewellery does not make you one of us. I can smell a gold digger from a mile away. Stay away from Rahul and this family else ...." Ria couldn't finish her sentence.

"Ana ... there you are. I was looking for you. Did you meet Ria?" Neha quickly separated both of them.

"Yes, Rahul introduced both of us." Ria replied as Ana was still trying to digest Ria's warning.

Ria glared at Ana, hoping to impress on her warning, before leaving them.

"Did she say anything stupid? " Neha asked Ana.

"She is not happy to see me here."

"Hmm .. that's what I guessed. Not sure why though. Don't worry about her, she thinks she is already the daughter-in-law of this house." Both of them rejoined the party.

The party was slowly winding down and as people were leaving, Ana found it difficult to avoid Rahul. She was talking to Ahmed and complimenting him on the dishes, when his eyes widened with surprise.

Ana could also feel it, as she realized Rahul was standing right behind her. Before she got a chance to move either way, Rahul put his hands on her shoulder and leaned close to her face.

"Ahmed, would you mind if I borrow Miss Ana for few minutes ?"

"No sir, please go ahead, we were just talking about the food." Ahmed winked at Ana, happy that she was getting close to the family.

Ana froze and found herself fighting the warm feeling spreading from Rahul's touch. With both hands on her shoulders, Rahul was leading her to one of the secluded balconies. Ana knew what was coming, but she had no control as Rahul took over her body and senses.



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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i get back [Read it]


if motor no gree carry u i get back. abeg make i go sale my goat








NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-25 09:49:57

286 Views



new comer [Read it]


MID-WEEK FUN! MID-WEEK FUN!! NEW COMER X_X X_X

Pastor: If you are worshiping with us for the first time in this church, The New Life Church.
You are so special to us. The whole church will like to know your name.
New comer: I am Dele Ogbeche.
(Church...shouts n cheers)
Pastor: Halleluyah!
Church: Amen.
Pastor: Mr Dele Ogbeche, do you have any prayer request you want the church to pray for u?
Ogbeche: Yes Sir. The church should help me pray that God should promote my business in this church more than how he promoted it in my former church.
Church: AAAMMMEEEENNN!!!
Pastor: Church, I will want u to use the whole of your strength to pray the prayer for him that Oh Lord, promote this Mr Ogbeche's business in this church (speaks in tongues...masokokokokole sebede)
Thus, saith d Lord, Listen, that your business shall sell in dis church more than where you were coming from in thousand/million folds.
Church/Ogbeche: AAAAAMMMMMEEEEEENNNNNN.
Pastor: Mr Ogbeche, open your eyes. You left your former church because the business was not selling very well, abi?
Ogbeche: Yes Sir. Actually it was selling at first because the pastor had like 7 children and the children started dying one by one and they were buying the casket to bury them from me. Likewise the church members started dying small small so my business was growing because they were all buying their caskets from me. By the grace of God Sir, I make caskets.
Pastor: Mr Ogbeche, Abi ko fe da fun yin ni? Ori e buru ni? Pls stand up.
Pastor: Church, u will pray, Oh Lord destroy Mr Ogbeche's life permanently if he refuses to leave the church immediately...
Church: IN JESUSSSSSSSSS NAMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, FIIRRRRRRRRREE!
Pastor: (Looks @ him as he runs out of d church) OLORI BURUKU


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-21 18:04:13

2092 Views




Marriage Age 18.

Drinking Age 25.

Can someone ask the damn politicians how to survive the first 7 years of Marriage?Related

Continues..

The next day I was discharged from the hospital.
The
area I was shot was treated and bandaged.
Around
my tommy was bandaged I couldn’t even bend
down to pock something. Miranda arranged my things
and hers and left for the p.P’s house. On our
way,the
nobles drove behind me, miranda also drove
behind
me while Presley was in front of us. In my car, I thought of various ways to make Preston jealous
but
found none. Five days now I haven’t been to
class. I
didn’t wanted to see Brenden either the
thought of him seeing my nakedness irritated me. I couldn’t bear
the fact he raped me twice. Soon I drew my
thoughts
from Brenden and thought about my life ahead. I
just
hope the rape and shot had no bad effects that will
affect me afterwards.
We got to the p.p house and we all alighted from
the cars. The nobles went back to my I gave
them
instructions to live in the main house not in the duplex
again. We entered inside the house and saw
Preston
and laura sitting like couples watching TV.
Preston put
on an angry face on seeing me Preston:what’s the meaning of this?Presley
why did you bring this s--t here?
Presley: e be like body dey shack you
Preston:if you don’t leave here with this
prostitute
right now trust me I will do something nasty Presley: I hold you go ahead na show your
madness
Me:look presley inasmuch as this idiot don’t
want to see me I also don’t want to see him. Hr
irritates me. So
please I told you at first that I didnt want to come here
Preston:did you just call me an idiot?
Me:no I didn’t it was your twin brother behind
you
rubbish
Laura:baby who is this thing? Me:you must be a foreigner so am I. As you can see I
have the qualities you also have so you better
check
both of us who is worthy to be called a thing
before
you roll that rotating cubic dice you call a mouth. Laura:are you talking to me?
Me:please shut up. Who else am I talking to?
Preston:you just shut up. I won’t watch you
talk to my
girlfriend that way Respect
Meh sorry I didn’t know that this overgrown doll
was your girlfriend
Laura:what!!who are you??do you know me??
Me:my dear save your breath I don’t wanna
know the freak you are
Preston:leave my house before I drag you out myself
Me:it will be my pleasure..

To be continue after comments..


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Q: What is Sunny Leone’s favourite time of the day?

.

..



….

Ans: Porn-e-Saath!Related

JOKE PART 15 BY DINDY
Girl: Dindy what are you doing now.
Dindy: Running for my life.
Girl: What!?.
Girl: (scared)What is going on dear who is after you?.
Dindy: Oh ****!, i was almost caught.
Girl: (tears) oh my Gosh!.
Dindy: Da*n I have been caught.
Girl: (crying)
Dindy: Why did this happen to me.
Girl: Wait a sec, how come you are still texting me if you were caught by whatsoever was chasing you?.
Dindy: Oh i was playing temple run.
Dindy: So you thought someone was really chasing me? (laughs).
Girl: You are such a big fool!!….lol.
#DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 16.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-09-24 23:10:16

230 Views



Focus [Read it]


TEACHER: Who is d President of Iraq?
JOHNNY: I don't know Miss
TEACHER: You need to focus more on your studies.
JOHNNY: Please Miss, can I ask a question?
TEACHER: Yes.
JOHNNY: Do U know Angela
TEACHER: No, why?
JOHNNY: You need to focus more on your husband


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-29 16:01:25

355 Views



shoki dance [Read it]


Hahahaha shoki shoki








NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-07 11:40:06

2833 Views




A Jamaican man was making love to his wife for the first time . He suddenly scream out ; ye man, jah bless ! And ran out of the room . He came back with a giant bucket of water and poured it on his wife's vagina . His frightened wife shouted watta gwan, rasta man, what you do that for? The man replied , bomboclat woman, this thing too sweet, me gwan dilute it, remember me diabetic and sweet things no good for me rasta man. Drop a comment if it makes u laff.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-19 07:09:54

971 Views




Akpos was invited by his galfrnd 4 a dinner with her family.as akpos was about 2 go he went 2 d phamarcist. AKPOS;Give me condom in about 2 go 2 my galfrnd house.we may make love.(as he war about 2 go he turn back).gv me another condom her sister has a pretty body i wil also make love 2 her.(as he was abt 2 lv he turn back.).gv me one more condom their mother is also pretty and sexy and use 2 look a charmin eye at me.i may make lvv c her.as d dinner was set.akpos in d middle his galfrnd at right hand,galfrnd sisteq at d left.ther mummy face akpos.as akpos was abt 2 pray.their father came back,imediately akpos bent down face very close 2 d table .after 10 minuter he was stil praying,10 minutes more he was stil praying.after anoder ten minutes he was stil praying everybdy was suprise.her gal frnd went 2 him.
Girlfriend:akpos i dnt knw u ar religious lyk dz.
AKPOS: u dnt tel me dat ur father is a pharmacist.
Guy what d u thnk


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-14 00:07:56

600 Views



BRAIN TEASER# [Read it]


The hen and the egg. Which one came first


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-19 07:52:51

234 Views




Q: What’s the difference between a policeman’s knightstick and a magician’s wand?

A: A Magician’s wand is for cunning stunts.Related

A pastor told the church members to do something crazy to the Lord, Akpo took the basket offering and ran away


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-22 22:33:09

637 Views



Infinity [Read it]


Student: What's infinity?
Math Teacher: Think of a number.
Student: Okay, I've got one.
Teacher: Good. That`s not it.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-02 09:33:55

508 Views



SEASON GREETING [Read it]


My intention was to send a wonderful gift wrapped and packaged in style but tell me How do i wrap God's Grace? How do i wrap God's Mercy? How do i wrap God's Favour? How do i wrap God's Blessings? How do i wrap God's Protection? All these in double Portion with good health and sound mind are 4 U and your family this season and beyond, a prosperous new year to u


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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The name Akpos is carved out from names
from the Urhobo and Isoko tribes in Delta
State Southern Nigeria. Akpos is actually the
shortform for names from the above tribes i
mentioned like Akpororo, Akpobome,
Akpomiemie. Back in Delta state Nigeria,
Urhobo and Isoko tribes in particular, people
who are called Akpororo which means life is
hot, Akpomiemie which means life is sweet,
Akpobome which means my own life e.t.c are
usually called Akpos for short which simply
means life by friends. The name became
popular when Bovi a Popular Nigeria
Comedian used it as his name on about two
to three episodes of the famous AY LIVE T.V
SHOW Who Wants To Be A Billionaire Segment
on Africa Magic and other T.V stations here in
Nigeria few years back. From there, the name
Akpos became more popular when Nigeria
Jokes writers like me started using it as the
main character and center of attraction in a
joke.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-09 07:30:21

908 Views



GARDEN OF EDEN [Read it]




So can't Satan apologize to God so we
go back to the garden of Eden to stay
there naked? Clothes are very expensive
now. Just imagine Nicki Minaj,
Genevieve Nnaji, Omotola Jalade,
Jennifer Lopez, Juliet Ibrahim and Jackie Appiah in front of you, bent down and
harvesting some tomatoes, the world
will surely be a better place to live in... Oh Eve, why did you chew that apple?
WHY!!!
#BOLLY_SHOW ?? ? ? ?™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-21 20:54:28

316 Views




Dosto ki Bhavnaaye..

.

.

EXPRESSION OF HAPPINESS-

1st frnd:”Oye meri gf bangyi,

2nd frnd:”hatt saale jhuta, shakal dekhi hai

apni..

.

.

.

.

EXPRESSION OF ANGER:

1st:”Abey saale fir pitt ke aagaya..

2nd:”Abey aankho me dhul chali gayi

varna muh tod deta saale ka..

.

.

.

.

.

EXpression of party in together:

1st:”Aur kamine treat kab de raha hai… ??

2nd:”Kyo tere baap ki shadi hai kya… ??

.

.

.

.

EXpression of help..

1st:”Oye yaar zara vaha chaliyo..

2nd:”Pahle bata kuch khilayega kya… ??:O:DRelated

Why I can't love

Episode 9

"What? where has my husband gone to? " I
asked myself in panic. I tried calling some of his
friends to check whether he was with them but
my efforts proved futile. I just couldn't imagine
what was going on. I became very worried. About
55 minutes later, we heard the the horn of his car
from outside the room. I jumped from where I
was sitting and straight to the direction of the car.
He was actually the one in the car. I even used my
leg against the tip of the door stairs. " honey
where have you been? I have tried all I could to
reach you but to no avail. I even went to the
extent of calling your father. " I said to him. " Sorry
dear, I only went out to see town. You know this
is my third time in this community so I just went
out to get used to the environment before we
leave. " he replied. " But why do you put off all
your phones? " I asked again. " never mind dear,
the important thing now is that am back to you. "
he said . "But promise me you will not put me in
such a worrying condition again. " I said to him. "
OK. I promised. " he concluded. When we entered
into the room, my mother came out and told him
how we were all feeling bad about his sudden
disappearance. He apologized to my Mon and
then we moved to our room where we are
supposed to sleep. I helped him to open his
buttons but he never allowed me to remove the
dress completely. He said he will do that by
himself. I tried my best to seduce him that night
but it didn't work. "What kind of person are you?
You can't even make me feel like a woman. After
all, the world knows am your wife so why are you
denying me of my rights as a wife? Why! are you
a saint or what????? "Angrily, I asked him
these questions as he still refused to touch me
that night. He never uttered a word to respond to
my questions. I became so embarrassed and
angrily, I slept off. We got ourselves ready to
leave the following day. Before we left, he gave
some huge sums of money to my parents and
siblings. That was more than a dream come true
to my parents. My mother was so happy and
asked him to be sending more of that when we get
there. Little did I know that he was just buying me
from my parents..aaww! Soon i saw myself at the
Kotoka International Airport ready to leave.
Should I say that was a dream come true?
Because I was very happy to see myself there. My
parents as well as my friends were all there to say
goodbye to us. To him, he knew that was my last
time seeing my family and friends. We took
pictures and it was all fun. Soon we were ready to
go. Come and see my gorgeous movement. Haha!
I used my dark shades???? to hide my eye
defect. I couldn't see the colours as best as it
should be but once I could make meaning into
what was going on, I was okay. We sat at the
same place in the plane. I heard everybody should
wear his/her seat belt because the plane was
about to take off and they added that we should
have a safe trip. Soon we were at the Atlanta
airport. Atlanta is a city in Georgia of the United
States. To be honest, the city is very beautiful.
Come and see layouts. From a distance, we could
see the Buckhea Theatre. The cars Francis used
while in Ghana remained there. So we needed to
use a public transport home. Just at the airport,
there was this three Decker bus which we joined.
In the bus, we bypassed the Georgia State
centennial Olympic park. Francis showed me all
these places when we got there. I felt very bad I
was not having my eyes complete. Atlanta
happens to be the ninth largest metropolitan area
in the United States which housed about
5,522,942 people. Francis found himself in this
city. In fact I felt very big when he told me about
the place. He lives in a very big mansion located
just opposite the Phoenix State. He has workers
that takes care of his house. Woow, I became
very convinced that our wedding was going to a
very big one. Because looking at things, he should
be among the top men in Atlanta. As usual, no
sex so I just have to enjoy the environment like
that. In the night around 12:30am, he woke up
and said he was supposed to go and clock at his
workplace to indicate that he was back because
he was supposed to be at work the previous day. I
asked him why he won't wait for the following day
and explain himself to his boss when he get to
work the following day. He said they operate on a
computerized system so there is nothing like
excuses over there. I had no option than to allow
him go. He actually went to his occult group to
report his presence and also tell them more about
me. At their meeting, he described me to them
that I was not totally blind. Even though that was
not the exact type of a disabled person they
needed him to marry, they decided to give him a
chance. They read out the rules to him again.
Before he sleeps with me, he was to submit a
bottle full of my urine, my pubic hair and also my
actual hair. They must use those things to start
the process for his promotion before he could
have sex with me. He was to sacrifice my first
born after I give birth to complete his rituals.
Francis returned at dawn and started being
extremely nice to me. He doesn't want me to do
anything in the house. He just made me a house
wife without sex. He will leave the house every
night and come back at dawn. There was a
washroom where I could easily pass urine but
Francis wouldn't allow me. He came back from
town one day with a container. He said his
doctors advised him to give that container to me.
He said I was supposed to urinate into it and when
it get full up, he will take it back for the doctor to
conduct his tests to see if I was fit for their
environment. Well, I knew those people are just
good at technology so I never struggled with him.
Francis became overly nice to me to the extent
that I thought I had finally met my true Prince
charming. We do bath together at times, he would
help me dress my hair and even at times request
to shave my private part for me. Upon all these,
there was no sex. Francis Unicode mousey
gathered all that he needed to complete his
rituals. One night, I asked him when our wedding
ceremony would come off. He only said very
soon. He added that he was putting things in
place for that effect. One week into my stay in the
US, I never went out to any place than to stay in
the house. He presented the items to his people
and the embargo on sex was removed. He came
back to the house one day very happy. I never
knew the source of that happiness so I asked him
what the secret was. He opened his hands for a
hug. For the first time Francis held me
romantically. That hug led to a kiss. I became
very surprise at his actions. He carried me to the
bedroom and the kiss was becoming very intense.
My libidinal energy nearly exploded. Soon the
clothes were off and the heat was on. I just
remembered my days with Richmond. Francis
was more than a striker. "Sweetheart why have
you decided to have sex this time around? " I
asked. "I could no longer wait anymore. Anytime I
give a date to my pastor for the wedding, he will
only postpone it. So I have decided to do it. It has
not been easy for me but I just need to. " he
answered. " OK. But to be frank I really enjoyed
you this night. Am looking forward to more of
such" I said. Three months into my stay, the
wedding never came off. Eventually, I became
pregnant. With the presence of the pregnancy,
Francis became very happy because his dreams
were gradually becoming a reality. In the house,
there was this particular room that he never
allows anyone to enter. I have been thinking what
exactly was in that room that made him very strict
on that room. I decided to open that room to see
what was in there.
That room housed the skeletal remains of human
beings that they used for rituals. My challenges
began after I got to know about that secret.

Follow me to the next episode to find out the
adventure I went through. Not all that glitters is
gold.


Episode 10 will come now .



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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....continue part.....


I got home later in that evening,my parents
was not yet back from work,i went to my room
and lay down on my bed,i felt so tired and hungry
but yet my stomach was so tight to accept anything,
the event of the day came flashing through my mind

FEW HOURS AGO

I didn't know how long i lasted on her but I
enjoyed myself, i got up from her when I was done,
i was stub to see blood in her Virginia, that was
when I knew i just took her pride frocefully,the
excitement i felt before turned to hate,i hated
myself, i hated my friends, i hated everything
around me,her eyes were closed but I can till see
the tear falling down from the both sides of the
eyes,she was sobbing, "guy get up ne you non wan
get up again" osaretin said which followed with a
great laughter, i looked at them with hatred even
if i didn't show it i felt it inside,i got up and
left the small room,they all followed me,osayewenre
tap me on my back when we got to the other side of
the room, "waytin do u" he asked, "nothing " i said
trying to sound cool,i know they didn't buy what i
said,i went further to asked them what was next,
" you don get waytin you want ne so we go free her ne"
osazee said,"i like the idea but what about the part
where you know,she tell the police "i said, "that one
non be problem i go handle that one" osaretin assured me,
i didn't bother to ask him how he was going to do that
but I know he will find a way,osaretin asked osazee to
go and help lmade clean up,i think they are going to
take her back home,osazee went on it immediately, i so
wanted to leave that place, many thoughts were already
going round my head,i was brought back to reality by
the haste shout from osazee, we all ran back to the
small room and saw osazee standing looking at lmade,
we were all confused "waytin happen, why you shout "
osaretin asked him, "guy i non kw if ne me dey
deceive myself but e be like say she non dey breath
oooo,"osazee said,i didn't wait for him to complete
his sentence i quickly rush to her,i place my ear to
her chest her heart beat has stoped,i tryed to wake
her but no response, that was when my fears arose,
i got up confused, did i just killed someone, or
my God,i couldn't get myself, "she is dead,i killed
her,"i was shouting "just keep quiet "osaretin
shouted back at me,i wasn't myself anymore,
"what are we going to do now" i know the question
sounds stupid but I am confused, we all looked at
each other,"this is what we will do,we all go home
and pretend nothing happened "osaretin said,(is this
guy out of his mind ) "what " i said,i was shocked
to hear that from him how can he think of something
like that,"what as in,do u have a better idea"
osaretin said with anger, seriously he is right,
i don't have any idea, we all agreed to what osaretin
said and we went home leaving lmade there,i just
hope someone find her body.

PRESENT TIME

I got up from the bed and took my bath then i
later sleep, i pray her ghost don't come back
hurting me and i pray she forgive me.
Four days passed and no news was heard about lmade,
i refused to go to school even my parents were
worried about my sudden behaviour, i was going crazy,
my mother tryed to find out the problem with me
but I was bent on keeping it to myself, osaretin
didn't stop calling me always remaining me to keep
our little secret. Everything was going smoothly
for four days until one faithful Sunday, i was
in my room i just came back from church when my hope
rang,it was osaretin i pick it up " how far" asked him
"if you dey house comot for house now,police dey
look for all of us,lmade non die oooo,she don tell
police waytin happen, i don call osazee and
osayewenre so try move oooo,i dey on my way to my
mother village, so find your way,we go talk later"
he hung up,i couldn't believe my ears but hay i don't
have time to think i quickly got up from my bed ,i ran
to meet my mum in her room,she was surprise the way
i ran into her room,she asked what the problem was,i
was panicking, she sat me down in her bed,as a
mother she know what to do in sure situation,
i didn't hide anything from her ,i told her
everything from how it all started to the end,
she felt disappointed at me, i pleased with her to
forgive me,i was already crying like a child, i wasn't
ready to go to jail,you all know the punishment
of rape,i regretted everything i did,my mother
got up took her car keys,i was now confused,
"you have done wrong but I won't let them take you
away from me,i am taking you to my sister place, don't
worry about your clothes i will send them to you later
" she said to me,i quickly got up and followed her.
She took me to her sister place where I stayed
for up to a week,my mother later brought my stuff
as promised,my mother later told me that so group
of police men came to look for me,my father was
not aware of my where about reasons best know to
my mother,i and osaretin keep in touch, osaretin
told me that osazee was now in Italy with his
father while osayewenre was now in port-harcourt,
as for him he was in imo state with his brother
friend,this got me more scared because I was till
in benin and the police are really looking for us.
I told my mum that i would love to leave benin
which she agreed but not with my father concert,
my father later knew my where about,he was very
angry with me but he wouldn't hand me over to the
police,that's parental love for you,i left benin
city after two weeks,all my stay at my mother sister
place i was always indoor,i took night bus that was
going to Abuja, i was to stay with my father younger
brother from there i will finish my education, i
felt a bit relieved,and i promise myself to start
a new life when I get there,and i pray God help me.

....to be continue....

NEXT EPISODE

EPISODE 17


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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A whole lot of ladies have specifications
regarding the type of
man they want to date. These may range from
how financially
buoyant he is, his intelligence, his abs, how
handsome he is and
so on. Some ladies do not have specific traits
they want and as
such can be considered equal opportunities
dater.
However, short guys have had to bear the brunt
of finding an
ideal date since they rank deep in the pecking
order. This may
not be the same for ladies that don’t consider
physical traits as a
necessity for dating but there are many reasons
why you as a
lady should consider dating short men. These
men should not
necessarily be way shorter than you are but after
reading this
article, I bet you would want to reconsider and
try dating short
men.
**Your Feet Will Never Get Sore It is a common
phenomenon for
women to wear heels which comes with apparent
discomfort.
Chances are you’d develop swollen ankles and
bulging calf
muscles if you wear heels a lot of the time.
Dating short men
would help put this in check as you’d want to
drop the stilettos
and go with flats or small heeled shoes. This
relieves the
discomfort and will most probably put you in a
comfortable
height range with your short boyfriend. And if
you actually enjoy
wearing heels, you’d have the appearance of a
model next to your
boyfriend and most short men like to flaunt their
pretty women
in the face of taller guys.
**Your Selfies Will Be Very Good Apparently,
since you both are
relatively close in terms of height difference, the
selfies are
always excellent. The selfies you take will fit in
well into the
Instagram square and as such, there would be
no need for a selfie
stick. This is one of the perks that comes with
dating a short man.
**They Have A Huge Sense of Humour Most
short guys are already
used to the Butt of jokes they get from being
short and as such
possess an amazing sense of humour. You’d find
out that you find
it easy to take jibes at them which they hardly
take personal
because of their sense of humour.
**Sex In The Shower Is Way Easier. As time goes
on, you are bound
to find out that short guys have a whole lot of
advantages. Due to
the alignment of your body part with his, as a
result of your
proximity in height, having sex in the shower
would be way
easier. Neither of you would have to squat or
bend in an
uncomfortable position for either of you to fit.
This is a major
plus for short guys. Most Have A Big Wiener A
lot of short guys
compensate for their lack of height with their
penis.
**Most have a penis size that averages 6 inches.
As such, if you are
the type that wants your man big, go out and
give that short man
a chance and you just might be happy for it.
**They Have Loads Of Confidence The
confidence of short men is
mostly high as it seems that they make up for
what they lack in
height with their swagger. Some of them might
seem cocky but it
is mostly as a result of brewing confidence. They
will come on to
you with such vigour that you will be surprised.
You
**Don’t Have To Worry About Neck Pains.
Surely, it looks very
romantic when you see a guy that has the height
of a typical
basketball player kissing a short girl standing on
her toes. But
that is surely not comfortable when they are
making out. Short
guys will have and five relative access to every
part of the body
during make out sessions. This is another reason
to date them.
Well, the height of a man or woman doesn’t
really matter as the
parts that are most important have nothing to
do with it.
Other things such as how much he can make
you smile after a
rough day and how much he loves you should
count more than
the way you and people around view him when
he stands next to
you..


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-18 19:37:06

414 Views




This is serious! No joke at all.
Just read.
WAASCE 2015 Agricultural Science Q2(a)
(i) Mention 3 differences between
Livestock A (Goat) and Livestock B
(Sheep).
Check the answer a student gave;
1. The goat when you use it for soup it
taste
waaaaooow but the sheep when u use
it for
soup it does not taste waaaaow
2. Goats give soup perfume expecially
the boy
goat but sheep dont
give soup perfume.
3. A goat can cross a road wisely but the
sheep is very foolish and walk slow on
the road.
4. A goat has a sharp brake but a sheep
don’t
have sharp brake.
5. Goat head is smelling but sheep head
is not
smelling.
6. Goat is on left side of God but sheep
is on
right side of God.
7. Goat is stubborn but sheep is humble
8. Goat can jump and turn 360° but
sheep cannot
jump and turn 360°.
9)the goat cry pobebe pobe but sheep
cries berh berh. what do you think……



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-27 13:08:17

429 Views




Once upon a time,
a group of 500 people were
attending a seminar.
Suddenly the speaker stopped and
decided to do a group activity.
He started giving each person a balloon. Each person was then asked to write
their name on it using a marker pen.
Then all the balloons were collected
and
put in another room. The people were then let into
that room
and asked to find the balloon which
had their
name written on it within 5 minutes.
Everyone was frantically searching for their name,
colliding with each other, pushing around others and there was
utter chaos.
At the end of 5 minutes no one could
find their own balloon. Then, the speaker asked
each person
to randomly collect a balloon and give it to
the person whose name was written
on it.
Within minutes everyone had their own balloon.
The speaker then began,
"This is happening in our lives. Everyone is frantically looking for
happiness all around,
not knowing where it is... Our happiness lies in the
happiness
of other people.
Give them their happiness; you will get your own happiness."#AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Baba Saxidas Se Unke Ek Bhakt Ne Pucha



Bhakt: “Baba Ladkiya Hamesha Phoolon Wali [email protected] Hi Kyu Pahnti Hai?”



Baba Saxidas: “Bacha Simple, Taki Choot Se Badbu Na Aaye“Related

Test Questions [Read it]


A lecturer at the University of Lagos decided to give his students a
test. He gave each of them a script and instructed them not to cancel
anything, if not they will fail the test. He asked them to write the
answers as he read out the questions.



LECTURER: Question 1. What's your favourite food? [10 marks]



The female students in the class were writing, Pizza, Fried Rice, French
Fries, Hamburger, Sharwama and all sorts of Chinese cuisines...



LECTURER: Question 2. How do you prepare the food? [90 marks]


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-06 07:38:24

294 Views




1. It makes some people religious = by saying:- Oh my God, Yes
Lord.
2. It gives some people their first musical lessons = mmmm, aaaaah, ooooo, asssshhh.
3. Makes some people natural observers = fast, fasterrrr!!!, yeah
fastestttt.
4. Makes some people anounce their own obituary = U are killing me, I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm finished, u will kil me ooo
5. Makes some ladies become terrorists = Destroy it!, Don't have any mercy, Just tear it. Let me feel it
6. Others become respectful = I promise, okay, yes I will do anything for you
7. Makes some people become loyal = Love U endlessly,... U own
my life,... am Urs forever,... U are my world.
8. Makes some ladies turn beggers = yeah Please don't stop,...
continue please ,... give it to me... Please do it again.
9. Some speak in tongues: mamamama hahalahalahalaaaa
aaaashaaa haaahaaa.
10. Some become ethnic: aiwa shumba endererai! Maita basa
shumba!...shumba kani...

Lolz u can add ur o o o




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-13 22:49:23

1033 Views







Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.

Akpos, the teacher says, “Why are you arguing?”

One boy answers, “We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.” “You should be ashamed of yourselves,” said teacher Akpos, “When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was.”

The boys gave the ten dollars to Akpos.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-07 13:50:36

211 Views



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