Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Kellogg’s Corn Flakes were invented by a Dr. Kellogg in hopes that they would reduce masturbationRelated

Drunk Husband [Read it]


Every night, after dinner, a man took off for a
bar. He spent the whole evening there, and
arrived home very drunk around midnight each
night.
His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the
door and let him in. Then she would proceed
to yell and scream at him, for his constant
nights out, and coming home in a drunken
state. But, Salim continued his nightly routine.
One day, the wife was talking to a friend about
her husband's behavior, the friend listened to
her, and then said, "Why don't you treat him a
little differently, when he comes home? Instead
of shouting at him, why don't you give him
some loving words, and welcome him home
with a kiss? He then might change his ways."
The wife thought that might be a good idea.
That night, Salim took off again, after dinner.
And, about midnight, he arrived home, in his
usual condition.
His wife heard him at the door, and quickly
went to it, and opened the door, and let Salim
in.
This time, instead of screaming at him, as she
had always done, she took his arm, and led
him into the living room. She sat him down in
an easy chair, put his feet up and took his
shoes off. Then she went behind him, and
started to cuddle him a little. After a little
while, she said to him, "It's pretty late, dear. I
think we had better go upstairs to bed, now,
don't you think?"
At that, Salim replied, "I guess we might as
well. I'll be getting in trouble with my stupid
wife when I get home anyway!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-08 08:21:56

386 Views




BROKEN SEAL 2
EPISODE 20

Isabella came in, clad in a red
lacy panties and a cleavage
revealing bra.
She also wore a long white
transluscent robe to cover for
the meantime.
We drove to a store where we
got her a sexy mask, which
coverage extends only to her
eyes and nose.
First to prevent Adrian from
recognizing her and also the
owners of the club ‘coz she
wasn’t a registered stripper.
In no time we were at NIGHT
OWL STRIPPERS CLUB.
We paid the bouncers and went
in, we were to stick together,
while Isabella alone goes to
Adrian.
He was sighted sitting in an
angle, having swell time with
another stripper.
Mark: here we go! Here is the
bug, plant it on his bare skin.
Goodluck *winks*
****ISABELLA****
she collected the skin-color
paper like material from Mark.
She was ready to employ her
feminine charm, first to drive
the other stripper away, and
then to gain Adrian’s attention,
she can’t afford to fail!!!
She heaved a big sigh and
made for the ladies where she
got rid of the robe.
Before approaching Adrian.
Isabella: hey bìtch! Thats my
man, warn off.
Stripper: and why should i
believe you huh?
Isabella: because if you don’t,
i’d give you a dose of my
poison.
Adrian was about saying
something when She shut him
up in a hot kiss, which he
really enjoyed, he hasn’t
experienced this in a while.
He eagerly responded to her
kisses.
Roaming his hands through her
soft flesh.
The other stripper was flooded
with jealousy, she bounced out
of them angrily.
Isabella also ran her fingers
through his body, but with a
purpose different from
Adrian’s.
She succeeded in plastering
the sticky bug on the left side
of his neck.
Adrian was getting heat up
with the whole scenario.
He allowed his hands into her
thighs, he was penetrating her
inner thighs when she stopped
him intellectually.
She pecked him on the
forehead.
Isabella: its gonna be a hell of
a ride tonight baby! I’d be
right back.
Adrian couldn’t bring himself
to utter a word, the heavenly
feeling of her bøøbs against
his clothed chest, in a sitting
position got him arrested.
He only smiled foolishly.
“bastärd” Isabella cursed when
she was out of earshot.
She got her robe from the
ladies, signalled Isaiah and co
before dashing out…..
Mark: how did it go?
Isabella: mission
accomplished, shall we?
Samuel: oh yes we can………
*************************************
It was a sober night for every
member of the Angelo family,
both great and small.
There weren’t sure if Nikky
would ever be found, given the
circumstances- she was shot
before being thrown in water.
She might have bled to death
already!
The worry looks were begining
to be displaced by the dawn of
a new day.
But Nenita was an exception as
she locked herself up in the
room, her cries where audible.
All efforts to console her
proved abortive.
She still can’t accept she’ve
lost her sweet mother for good.
She now have a black picture
of the people around her -
unfriendly Lana, wicked
grandpa who sent them out of
the house!
If he haven’t done that,
perhaps her mum wouldn’t
have died.
Tomas knocked for the
umptheenth time, yet Nenita
showed now sign of letting
anyone in….
Tomas: open please baby, its
daddy!
She opened because it was
Tomas, he is the only family
she’ve got now.
Tomas: you’ar still crying? No
one said mum is dead yet, they
are still searching for her.
Nenita:…….
Tomas: how about we go to the
park? You like it there right?
Nenita: *nods*
Tomas: good, park we shall go.
************************************
Tomas: would you like to go
horse riding?
Nenita: no, bouncing castle.
He bought the ticket and
Nenita was allowed into the
castle.
It was gonna take some
minutes, he decided to take a
walk….
He almost stumbled into a
woman on his way.
Woman: hey watch it….
Tomas: sorry, i went off the
blues.
Hd raised his head and his eyes
met a shiny necklace, the
necklace looked so familiar, it
rang an alarm in his head but
he couldn’t place it.
Woman: (thinking he was
staring lustfully) everything
okay?
Tomas: yes…..
He turned to leave, she noticed
a love shaped tattoo on his
arm, with the letter ‘K’ in the
love shape.
No this can’t be coincidence, it
must be her husband, she
remembered him drawing the
tattoo, the letter ‘K’ represent
her name, KATE.
Kate: (Ella’s mum) Julio?
The name julio also rang an
alarm on Tomas’ head, flashes
of his lost memories were
begining to visit him…….
.
.
>>

Confession! [Read it]


A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.
“You will understand,” he said, “the seal of the confessional, can never be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here twenty-five years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had embezzled money from his place of business and had an affair with his boss’s wife. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that, and I had, indeed come to, a fine parish full of understanding and loving people.”
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk.
“I’ll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish,” said the politician. “In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession.”Related

THE SHOUT OUT JOKE (part 3) BY DINDY
1). Shout out to 9ja bet for making people hopeless....we no go gree aka I go make am through poverty.
2). Shout out to Baba ijebu for making people PHD in maths....
3). Shout out to my ladies and women out there watching zee world......keep it up because its not my love life that is an imagination.
4). Shout out to my ladies out there with a bleached body and dark lips.....please o let me ask you this trending question; it is that the bleaching creams you used were made by an Igbo smoker? or the igbo you regularly smoke painted your lips.
5). Shout out to my ladies out there financing their ministry with different type of make-up of this world.....don't worry one day the fruit of your labour will show and the lord shall bless you with a make-up artist as a husband.
6). Shout out to those schools drawing and teaching A for axe, B for bone, C for cat.... I wonder whether you guys teach only cultism and witchcraft in school...please parent don't send your children there oo before your 5 years old kid go dey carry axe for hand and bone for neck and go dey turn to cat for night!....Dindy(winx).
7). Shout out to my girls wearing ass....do you think we guys like plastic?..I'm sorry for your hopes.
. Shout out to my girls wearing foam bra....let me ask you ooo do you lack nutrition?.
9). Shout out to my guys who've their shorts/trouser always below their ass region....let me ask you, is your ass deflected?
10). Shout out to Falz for singing "bad, bado, badest"....my bro my bro, even when I was in nursery one I knew it was "bad, worse, worst", so I'm just wondering....did you really go to law school?......na joke ooo...
Extra from Clixcity-- shout out to those guys wey dey bounce for street like felele ball instead of walking normaly.
#DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 4.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-10-15 06:58:04

133 Views




What a strange world this would be if we all had the same sense of humor.

-Bernard WilliamsRelated

Kuu had been listening to their conversation all
along.
His mother wanted to change the subject but Kuu
pushed them to the wall.
“Kuu, you can’t believe what, Riri and i were just wondering who could be behind the food
poisoning” Mrs Amposah lied.
Kuu was so sure of what he heard. Indeed he
knew
his mom was lying about it.
“Anyway, i will be in my room” Kuu said and left them.
Mrs Amposah and Riri didn’t trust Kuu on that. At
least they needed to be sure that he does not
suspect anything.
“Do you think he heard everything? Riri asked.
” I can’t be too sure sure about that” answered Mrs
Amposah
“But you should have made us meet somewhere
than your house, now look at what is happening”
Riri said blaming her.
“I thought he was not at home, but don’t worry, leave it to me, he is my son, i know how to deal
with him” Mrs Amposah assured her.
“You better do” Riri said.
” That reminds me, we need to be very careful
about that Obed guy, he is watching us from a
distance ” Mrs Amposah said. “who is he, he is really weird, i have never felt
comfortable around him” Riri said.
“I will try and find out where he lives when Mansa
comes” Mrs Amposah said
It was during this time that a knock came from
the door, it was one of the church’s elders.
They had to reschedule their meeting to a later
date. Riri then departed leaving Mrs Amposah and
the church elder.
Mrs Amposah was not pleased about the Elder’s
visit. She knew that, the elder will only pay her visit if it
has to do with the church’s money.
She nicely welcomed him, and asked of his
mission
as is done in Ghanaian custom.
“Well my mission is simple, yet needs to be addressed. Over some few months, we have
noticed that, there has been huge withdrawals
from the church’s account.
Per our records, those withdrawals were made by
you without any concern of the financial secretary.
Mrs Amposah, we need to talk about this issue before it comes to the notice of the board.” Said
the Elder.
“Elder, so this is why you came here. Anyway its
good that you’ve prompted me though. You see,
before my husband died, may his soul rest in
peace, there was this church project he was building that he kept away from you. He wanted
to
use it to surprise the congregation at the forth
coming 40th anniversary. And as a wife, i need to
continue what he couldn’t finish. Those
withdrawals were made to support that project Elder” Mrs Amposah explained herself
“But madam, such things should be done at your
own expense, as far as i’m concerned the church
has finished undertaking all its developmental
projects” The Elder said.
“Elder, i just told you that its a surprise thing, at the right time you will know what i’m talking
about,
would you please excuse me” Mrs Amposah said
and went into her room.
After awhile she came back wih a white envelope
containing money. “Elder, i really appreciate your efforts and concern
about this issue. Not all men can act in such a
manner, kindly take this as a token from me” Mrs
Amposah said stretching out the money to him.
” Mrs. Amposah i’m afraid i can’t take this, the
board needs to come in on this” The Elder said this.
“Of course the board will know, who said
anything
about keeping it a secret, this is just not the right
time to involve them. You can’t reject GHC 1000
from me that way. Just use for your transportation and up keep. I’m very much aware you need it ”
said Mrs Amposah.
The Elder took the money and said
” thank you. I will see what i can do to keep this
away from the board for now, i must take my
leave. ” He said and went away. Mrs Amposah knew she
had succeeded in shutting him up.
Mansa and Mrs Lokko were still catching up with
the old time.
Mansa was in complete shock when she got to
know that Mr. Amposah was actually her biological
father.
“But Mum, why didn’t he tell me all this, when he
adopted me” Mansa asked.
“You still don’t get it my daughter, he was
protecting you from his wife, Mansa. You really don’t know what she is capable of” Mrs Lokko
said.
“I can’t believe this, its like a dream, you’re
actually
my mother and i have been under my Father’s
care all this while without knowing” Mansa said. She
couldn’t control the tears in her eyes. She was
now
beginning to accept the reality.
“Mansa, i thought, Obed will be with you, Where
is he? Mrs Lokko asked.
” I thought i will be meeting him here myself”
Mansa said.
“Obed hmmm, he really made a lot of revelation
to
me, Mansa there is more to your father’s death than you already know ” Said Mrs Lokko.
“What is it that i don’t know mother, tell Me”
Mansa desperately asked.
“Who is Riri? She is the main pivot of this” Mrs
Lokko said.


>>

The English actually invented champagne in the 16th century when they started importing wine from Champagne, France and adding carbonation.Related

Imagine If animals and insects were on facebook,
we'll be having posts and comments like:
1. MOSQUITO'S WALL POST:-
Finally PHCN don off light,
blood sucking things.
COMMENTS :- (a) Bleep up, dey don on gen for my
end.
(b) Abeg bros which area you dey? My
people don fleet house.
2. DOG'S WALL POST :-
Na wa oh, I never even stay reach 5mins, all these calabar people don dey eye me.
*Ghost mode activated, them no go see me
*Escaping things on my mind.
COMMENTS :-
My neighbour na calabar too.
The man eyes no good for where dogs dey... I go bite am soo.
3. RAT'S WALL POST :-
Omo na die I dey oh..... No food
for my master kitchen. Na him books
go hear am nah.
Ehn think say I come him house to watch tv abi?
COMMENT :-
Your master stingy, dis-own am jor.
4. CHICKEN'S WALL POST :-
On the 1st of Dec. I'll be traveling for
one month, if you need my attention, enter bush I no fit shout. All these
Christians no be them at all.
COMMENT :-
No be only you oh, I dey migrate too.
5. HE-GOAT WALL POST :-
Heat mood activated, any she-goat online for s*x chat?
COMMENT :-
(a) She-goat. @He-goat you're a capital
BIG fool.
(b) He-goat. @She-goat,
pretender, as if you no dey feel Hot. Carry your smelling backside
comot for post jor.
6. ROOSTER'S WALL POST :-
All these hen go dey run like say dey
no wan do.
But if you catch them, dem go bend quickly, set for d*ggy style.
COMMENT :-
Your own better nah, you
dey catch them.
The ones for my area na fast and
furious. I don pursue tire....
7. RAM'S WALL POST :-
As Salah don dey reach, na church
things from now on.
(Blood of Jesus go cover me)
COMMENT: Omo no be only you o, these Muslims butcher
Don dey even sharpen he knife &cutlass. #lobatan #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-12 10:43:01

629 Views



Math discussion [Read it]


Okon visited Akpos and they where chatting.
They chose to discuses in math language so that Akpos' father won't understand what they are discussing.
Akpos: I enjoyed my math study with Joy yesterday in my room.
Okon: really?
Akpos: Yes.
Okon: So what topic did you study?
Akpos: Algebra
Okon: How did it go.
Akpos: I first of all ADD the bed
Okon: wooo! and then.
Akpos: Subtract the clothes
Okon: ALMIGHTY Akpos! and then.
AkposIVIDE the legs
Okon: I hope you didn't forget to put on the SQUARE ROOT.
Akpos: Chai!!! I forgot o o o
Akpos Father: you fool, pray you don't MULTIPLY else i will dis INTEGRATE you.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-08 18:29:50

1809 Views




The first ever “Cordless Phone” created by God is a ‘Prayer’.

It never loses its signal and one has never to buy it or recharge it. Moreover, it can be used anytime and anywhere…Related

You know you’re forever alone when you take care of your right hand more than any other body part!Related

My madam’s parents had gone by the time I
came back to the house.
My madam was seated in the sitting room with
her baby and children when I entered.
Something about her composure told me that she
wasn’t happy but I pretended like I didn’t notice.
I dashed across the sitting room to go into my
room but she called me back.
“Why are you coming back now?” She asked
frowning.
I kept silent not knowing what to reply.
“Are you not the one I’m talking to?” She asked
still looking intently at me.
I remained silent not knowing what to reply.
My mouth opened and closed but no sound came
forth.
“Don’t worry,” my madam continued. “By the time
you go hungry this night, you will talk,” she
concluded.
I stood there ogling at her.
“Will you get out of my sight!” She barked.
I ran into my room instantly without wasting
time.
That night, my madam refused to give me food
and I went to bed on empty stomach.
Sleep refused to come.
Hard as I tried, I couldn’t sleep.
Hunger pangs kept gnawing at the walls of my
stomach and I wondered if I would survive till
morning.
I woke up the next morning and went to do my
morning work irrespective of the hunger.
I was still doing the work when my madam woke
up.
“Are you now ready to tell me what kept you so
long yesterday when you went to dispose refuse?”
She asked staring at me.
I sprang up from the toilet-floor I was mopping.
“You’ve started having boyfriends outside haven’t
you?” She asked.
“No ma,” I replied.
“You will not eat anything in this house again till
you tell me what kept you outside,” she
continued.
“I was waiting for Chidimma,” I replied.
“How many times have I warned you about that
Chidimma of a girl?” She asked.
“I’m sorry ma, I won’t do it again,” I pleaded.
“Sorry for your stupid self!” She snapped…

WatchOut For Episode 8

Drop your comments below







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Tuhada Saya Banke Tuhada Sath Nibhawanga;

Tu Jithe Vi Jayegi Tere Piche Aavaga;

Saya Ta Chadd Janda Hai Sath Andhere Wich;

Lekin Main Andhere Wich Tuhada Ujala Ban Jawaga!

(Punjabi Shayari)Related

JOKE PART 33 BY DINDY
There is no problem getting drunk as high as anything.
:_______
:_______
:________
:_______
:_______
The problem is when you wake up and discover that you spent your whole night in your father-in-law's room and he is right in front of you looking at you.
DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 34.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-10-26 21:09:18

124 Views



mum or Dad [Read it]


Dad: Who do you like more, Mum or Dad?
Son: Both.
Dad: Ok if I go to America and your mum goes to Paris, where will you go
Son: Paris
Dad: That means you like your mum more?
Son: No, I like Paris.
Dad: OK, if I go to Paris and your mum goes to America, where will you go
Son: America.
Dad: [angry] Why!?
Son: 'cos I've been to Paris before!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-29 08:23:01

96 Views




Returning from a trip to visit my grandmother in Maine, I was stopped by a state trooper in New York for exceeding the speed limit.Grateful to have received a warning instead of a ticket, I gave him a small bag of my grandmother’s delicious chocolate-chip cookies and proceeded on my way.A short time later, I was stopped by another trooper.“What have I done?” I asked.“Nothing,” the trooper said, smiling. “I heard you were passing out great chocolate-chip cookies.”Related

Inside Nigeria [Read it]


Be Truthful And Be Sincere,which One Make You Angry Most In Nigeria. 1.M T N 2.N E P A 3.Traffic 4.Police 5.Government Issues


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-19 18:29:39

387 Views



funny pastor [Read it]


FUNNY!!! FUNNY!!! Funny!!!

A pastor was invited to a church program in kaduna state, wen he got there.. Though, he wanted 2 preach about Boko Haram but he quickly put it indirectly [cos d fear of boko haram is the begining of wisdom] so he went dis way. The title of my topic today is "YOU WILL NEVER GO THE SAME WAY U CAME".

He continued preaching And at the same time also taking time to suspect any poly bag he sees. Some minutes later as d preaching was going on what we had was [DUAAAAAH] from outside, in a blink of an eye, everybody vanished including d pastor that ran trough the window. . . .

Some minutes later after d whole members has gathered, then the pastor was no were to be found, they quickly call him on phone.
Member : Hello pastor were are you?
Pastor : Am in ORE.
Member : [surprisingly] ah ahhhhh pastooor. Please come back its not a bomb it a motor tyre that burst outside.
Pastor : I knw thats why am in ORE if it was a bomb i would have been at ASABA.
Member : but pastor u left through the window, and anyone who pass through d window is a thief..
Pastor : Wat was my topic today?
Member... U WILL NEVER GO THE SAME WAY U CAME.
Pastors : So i came through the door and i left through d window..


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-29 02:34:24

9043 Views




Suni zindagi mein halchal si mehsoos hui,

bejaan dil ki aaj dhadkan mehsus hui,

Jane aaj kyu aisa laga,

shayad aapki kami mehsoos hui.Related

Dear Dollar [Read it]


Dear Dollar,You slut…
Stop rising so much coz after 58 Government will retire you..Sincerely
Indian RupeeRelated

Emma: guy, did u see any film of interest to you? U see
my films ehn, if you start watching them it will take you
nothing less than 6month for you to finish dem
Me: ehn ehn….the funniest thing is dat, have not even
check the films, have been looking at the pics on your
laptop since Emma: ehn ehn……i have so many pics ooo
Me: but which one is dis that has pics of only girls?
Emma: u mean these pics? ( looking at the pics
together)…they are the girls have marked register on
jare….
Me: hmmmmmm…….Ekun, u don try ooooo Emma: wetyn i go do now….
Me: this particular one even look farmiliar ( pointing to
mary)
Emma: ehn ehn….where u for know am abi na ur
sister?
Me: my sister ke? No ooooo….she stays around my sister’s place in apanifuja surulere, her name is Mary
Emma: yes…Mary, definitely u know her…….dat babe na
osho free oooo
Me:ehn ehn……..hw u take meet her, even me i been
dey eye am dat tym for my sister area but i just say
make i respect myself ni Emma: respect ke? U for don try ur luck now….atleast
u sef go don mark register there be that…na she cheap
pass from all the babes wey i don yansh
Me: u no mean am…..
Emma: Na my guy dey date her before codedly but he
later got tired, and transffered her to me when he was leaving town to Abuja but u know the funniest thing,
my guy still dey fucccck her anytym he come to lag
and d babe still dey agree
Me: up till now?
Emma: that am not sure of ooooo as i don bone her
side when she want push one silly pregnancy for my head
Me:silly pregnancy ke? Aye omo de yi ma ti baje ke
Emma:the girl na idiot, like 3 guys dey fuccccck her
same time, that was like 8 months ago
Me: 8 months ago?
“i was seriously boiling inside me as that was exactly the same time i met her, does it means that she was
pregnant before i started sleepingwith her? I decided to
compose myself to hear the full gist”
Emma:yes oooo…..she said she was like 3 weeks gone
then of which i was so sure i was not the only one
bleeping her den, na so i chased her away Me: and u dont care if there’s any chanxe the
pregnancy was urs?
Emma:i was very sure it wasnt mine….the babe took
the pregnancy to my guy too and who knows how
many guys he has taken it to cos there was a time she
told me she was in her boyfriends place in Egbeda, i visited her that afternoon and still bleep her in her
boyfriends house and am sure she was still carrying the
pregnancy then…
Me: and she allowed u?
Emma: she get option? When i know her weakness and
she don push the pregnancy to the poor mumu guy…i even describe the place to my guy and dat one went
there to bleep her too and i believe he still went there
like 2 months ago sef
Me: to sleep with her with her big belle?
Emma: that my guy no send oooo….na him teach me
this job sef Me: na wah ooooo……una bad ooooo, i need to learn
4rm u guys oooo, make i see ur guy pics abeg
“showed me the pics he snapped together with the guy
called kayode”
I was dumbfounded with the revelation in front of me, i
believed i was a sharp guy not until mary beat me to my game, i definitely had a first class in mumurism. I
was trying to control myself but i couldnt take it again,
i wanted to voice out immediately but thank God for
the intervention of Biola who came in and told me that
food is ready that i should come and eat. She promised
to bring Emma’s own.

To Be Continued…



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Q: What is the difference between men and mice?

A: Men run for the pussy and mice run from the pussy.Related

Akpors & gf
Akpors: gudmrng swthrt, hapi buffday.
GF:tank u.
Akpors:guess wat?
GF:u knw am nt gud @ guessn.
Akpors:a surprise 4 u.
GF:wow i cant wait.
Akpors:luk @ dat yellow BMW car.
GF:u bought it 4 me?
Akpors:dats d colour of d toothbrush i
bought 4 u.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-17 19:17:18

533 Views



Safe cracker [Read it]


The local bank near a large prison had a problem opening their safe one day. Seems that the mechanisms working the combination failed, so they called the prison to seek help.
The prison had a convicted safe cracker in custody. They released him under guard and took him to the bank to see if he could open their safe.
The convict worked on the lock for quite a while but finally he was able to open the safe.
The bank president was delighted to see his safe opened without having to have it ruined in the process, he turned to the safe cracker and said, “Thanks for helping us out here, how much do we owe you?”
The safe cracker replied, “Well the last time I did one of these jobs I got about $100,000!”Related

Fantasy love is much better than reality love. Never doing it is very exciting. The most exciting attractions are between two opposites that never meet.

– Andy WarholRelated

My virgin story
Episode 9

She was wearing blue pants. I first
rubbed my finger on the c--t through the
pants. Then I removed the pants and
rubbed on the c--t with my fingers. The
K---y was damp; she was already wet. I
dipped my left index finger in the K---y. I
fi—ngered her while she writhed on the
bed in pleasure. I started placing light
kisses on her labials; she shuddered at
each kiss. I felt her hands on my head,
caressing my hair. Then she pulled my
head down to her womanliness, urging
me to treat her K---y with my mouth. I
took a look at that K---y for a moment,
wondering how it would taste like since I
had never tasted K---y before. The
labials were pulsating; the c--t was
quivering, looking delicious. I plunged my
head into that mass of fresh, succulent,
wet flesh. I stuck out my tongue and
tasted her wetness. The taste was
incredible; indescribable. It was sweet,
salty, sour and sticky, all at once. There
was something about the taste of that
K---y that reminded me of eating
pringles. The complex taste did not
nauseate me; it made me more h---y
than ever. I licked the K---y as if my life
depended on it. Men, the babe K---y
sweet no be small. The way she was
screaming, moaning my name even
turned me on more and I continued to
give her pleasure. I teased her c--t with
my tongue while I poked her V-jay with
my fingers. Then I stuck my tongue
inside the v-jay while rubbing on the c--t
with my finger. From time to time I would
remove my mouth from her K---y and
kissed her fresh inner thighs while fi—
ngering her. I don’t know how many
times she came cos I was just going on
and on for several minutes; I felt
somehow reluctant to leave that sweet
K---y. All the time she was just
screaming my name saying I was killing
her. I took a look at her face; there were
tears in her eyes. Then she said in soft
voice, barely above a whisper, “You are
crazy”
She stood up from the bed and asked me
to lie down.
“Now it’s my turn” she said.
I quickly obeyed her and before I knew it
my boxers were off and I felt my ramrod
stiff instrument plunging into her mouth.
An intense, sweet sensation accompanied
the entry of my c—ock. I felt her mouth
wrapping around my d—ck and giving me
a good fluting. She kept stroking the c—
ck with her tongue as she turned it into a
lollipop, licking and sucking
continuously. At first she was gentle, but
the sucking soon gathered momentum as
she started getting pleasure from it. I
was in cloud 7, somewhere in paradise as
I soaked in the pleasure of the BJ. After
some minutes, I felt that tickling
sensation that signaled I would soon
release. I quickly removed my c—ck from
her mouth. She quickly lay down on the
bed and spread her legs, opening up her
Jerusalem for my J-man to ride in
triumphantly. I licked the interior of my
mouth as I prepared to enter her and
bleep her missionary style. Then I
realized the was something wrong.
There was no condom. I remember I used
to carry a condom around for nearly 6
months in case an opportunity to bleep
came up. Unfortunately it was today of
all days that I decided not to bring it
along. I never knew I would end up
having s-x that day. What a bleep up!.
The girl was looking at me wondering
what was wrong. I shook my head
slowly.
“There is no condom.”
“Sh-t” she swore. It was the first time I
had seen her swear and there was a look
of frustration on her face. She was
already rubbing her v-jay, seriously
aroused. She said we should go ahead
that she doesn’t mind and it would even
be sweeter. I asked her what if she got
pregnant. She said she doesn’t care that
she would take care of that. All she
wanted now was my J-man in her
Jerusalem. I said I couldn’t do it, that
there were just too many risks involved.
She started begging me, holding on to
my c—ck. I was perplexed. I really wanted
to do this and I was already extra-
aroused, but I had a great deal of control
over my body and I considered things
before doing them. I begged her that I
would be back later with a pack of
condoms and we can even have s-x all
night long. The babe no wan leave me
oh! She started crying. I managed to
leave her with a kiss and said she should
wait for me in the evening. She said she
would be waiting for me.
As I left her room that afternoon, it
occurred to me that I might have lost
another opportunity to lose my virginity
and I swore to myself in frustration.
My fears were confirmed. By the time I
returned in the evening, she was gone. I
called her and she said her parents came
to pick her up late in the afternoon and
she had already travelled. She said she
really enjoyed what we had together. Her
boyfriend had never even given her half of
the pleasure I had given her. She said
she hoped one day, we would hook up
and finish what we started.
Well, I soon moved on with my life. I
defended my ND project and graduated
from the polytechnic. I was 19 years old
and still a virgin and the prospects of
getting disvirgined soon was looking dim.
Then my parents compounded matters by
sending me to a private University with
the strictest, harshest set of rules. The
university is owned by a popular
Pentecostal church near Lagos (I believe
some coolvallers will be able to decode).
The moment I saw the school handbook,
I knew I was in for a tough time. s-x in
any form is prohibited and the penalty is
one session suspension. Kissing and
smooching is prohibited with one
semester suspension. Blue films are
abomination in the school and they get
people expelled for being in possession.
Students are mandated to dress in a
particular way, guys and girls have
interactive time with each other that
must not be violated, even secular music
is prohibited. Students are not allowed to
go out without permission. Not even
mobile phones are allowed, students
communicate with the help of the
internet. The rules go on and on and the
more conversant you are with these rules,
the safer you are so that you don’t fall
victim. Yet the school has in attendance,
children from some of the most
influential families in the country; Na so
so Ajebutter pikins full that school oh! I
braced myself for four years of hell.
In my first year, I followed the rules
strictly. When I remembered how much
my parents were paying to keep me there
I tried to avoid anything that would
terminate my studies. I avoided all the
girls and kept strictly to my studies. But
it was not easy; there were just too many
fine girls. You should understand how I
suffered, seeing pretty, sexy girls with
invitation of s-x written plainly on their
faces, tantalizing you with their smiles
and yet you can’s dare touch them. It’s
like looking at honey in a tightly sealed,
unbreakable glass. You can’t taste it.
You can only stare at it. The girls were
willing to have s-x but the boys ran
away from them because of the danger.
That was the situation in my first year. I
was a fresher and I had a fresher’s view
of the school.
In my second year, I started having a
clearer view of the school. I grew
smarter. I realized the rules were only
symbolical in many cases. If you know
the rules well and know your way around,
then you can always bend the rule to
your favour. You can arrange with your
babe, get a hotel in town and go on a
whole weekend of s-x spree. You can
settle the gatemen and get out to attend
parties. You can even sneak out during
the night vigils and go clubbing in Lagos
all night and come back by next morning.
You can watch as much X-rated movies
as you can. The only rule is ‘don’t get
caught’ and I started mastering this rule.
Money was not a problem. Most of the
students had six figure bank accounts;
they can spend on anything they want. In
my second year, I met J-man, whose real
name is Johnson. He was my roommate
and he was a real bad boy in the ways of
the K---y. He introduced me to all the
ways of circumventing the law. Johnson
was a master f—ker. He has had s-x in
every dark corner in the school. Most of
the girls knew him for his reputation but
he was so good and so smooth that he
continued to ravage their kitties. I started
leaving out time for some adventure
though I still remain my good, innocent
self. Then I met Rachel.
To be continued

>>

MY SOUL MATE [Read it]


I am pleased to announce that i have
finally found MY SOUL MATE after series
of seriously searching and endless
praying...
*
* *
*
*
*
*
* *
*
*
*
*
* *
*
*
THE STUPID CREAM WAS UNDER THE
CHAIR
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-18 22:02:39

407 Views




Fortune sides with him who dares.

~ VirgilRelated

As a novice wey no won fall hand,I started eatin her mouth as if i was chewin fruit salad... she noticed it but still enjoyin d sensation i was givin from smooshin her *ss..I cant even breath so i have 2 disintangle my self b4 man go die i no even know wetin i go tel God if i die in dat manner lol...she turned and started walkin 2wards d door, i was like dis gal is wicked oh hw e wn leave 4 dis condition na....she checked weather d door was properly locked and turned back and walk up 2 me, i bleiv she did dat 2 avoid stories dat touch
joke:tke me 2 your room
me:ehm ehm
joke:dont u have room

cha! i don die woman gt power ooooo no b only dis tin wey dey under dis miniskirt mke dis gal d talk 2 me lyk dis i com b lyk small pikin 4 her eyesz on a normal day who send am anyway i must chop am 2day...bt wait ooo where i go c Condom nw!!!..
i started walkin towards d door and she followed frm behind I was already missin my step b4 i ask myself nawa 4 u ooo no b dis gal wey u go 4**k nw chilax!!! Cha! devil e no go beta 4 u ooo.buh thank God my rum was clean as we entered i went straight 2 my bed side pretendin 2 gt smtin from under my bed d truth is dat i dont knw wat 2 do nxt so i am takin tym 2 check my nxt step

joke:bad boy ar u lookin 4 ur Condom
immediately i heard dat word condom i jump up and walk up 2 where she was standing hand akimbo i dont even knw wher i gt d moral frm, may b bkus of d word she jst mentioned. i put my hands round her waist and slowy put my lips on hers and started kissin her she responded immediately and dis time around i took it slow tryin my bst 2 b d bst..i can hear her moans, b4 i could say jack she has already clasp her hands around my neck and jump on my body though she is older than me bt i ws a bit taller than her, i turn and walked 2wards d bird and place her back gently on d bed, i am not dat novice sha becus i do watch movies and also browse and i knw wher 2 touch a woman and she will MAra lol...i left her lips and started kissin her neck by da tym she was already moanin sayin sme tins i still dont understand up till nw,from her neck i wnt down 2 her br****st, as i pressed those portable 2 young fellow she moaned, she was wearin a top dat can bearly cover her shoulders,i ws even surprise she ws nt wearin a bra and dose tins still stands, so it was easy 4 me undressin her, i removed d top and started manipulatin her br**st with my hands b4 suckin her hard nipples so hard and dis tym she shouted, i was sharin dose 2 young fellow with my mouth and she was moanin b4 movin down 2 her navel and suck it so hard...with out wastin tym i slid my hands inside under her skirt and she ws already soaked by den my d!ck ws even harder dan rock, i pulled of her skirt leavin her wit only her wet red pant....omo c fresh laps no b dis tin mtcheew....,i remove d shirt i was wearin dose dayz we never clear eye 4 six packs na..... she was jst liein down starin at me, but wen i removed my short she opened her mouth nd close it i did as if i was blind 4 mind i ws lyk i hear say na big d!ck dey sweet una u go hear am 2day...i knelt down on d bed and removed her already soak pant an revealin her well shaved p***sy by then my room dn dey smell 1kind guyz una knw na daa kind tin lol....I don even knw wat pushed me i was already suckin her p***sy....cha! yoruba gals can shout ooo..b4 i knw wat was happening she started shakin and i didnt stop becus i dont knw wat ws happenin may b it ws becus her p***sy ws sweet..only 4 her 2 bring me bck 2 my senses wit cummin on my face...mogbe!!! wtf..by nw she has already relax lukin tired but but i ws surprised wit wat i heard,....
joke:4uk me!
Me:{lukin suprised}bt i dnt have condom na
joke:dont worry my senior sister will tke care of me
i didnt even tink twice b4 jumpin on d bed bt she said i should wait kneelin on d bed holdin my d!ck b4 i could say jack she ws already suckin me like a pro dont knw y may b bkux it ws my first time, though it didnt last long but i enjoyed it. she return to her normal position and repeat d Word 4uk me!...first of all though i ws nt a virgin bt still wonderin hw dis my log of wood could enter insyd ds tight h*le... well i was wrong bkus as i pressed my d!ck on her P*SSy it slide in jst lyk dat!.. and i started bangin her with missionary style and she was moanin tellin me 2 4uk her harder, i increased my pace even Usain bolt go fear my speed my speed...I lasted 4 lyk 30 minutes b4 cummin insyd her i ws even surprise bkus i lasted long, d last tym i checked it ws jst 5 minutes then it ws a children tin...it ws wen i fall off her that my eyez cleared... many questions was ringin in my head... wat if dis gal hs sexual transmitted disease or gt pregnant 4 me, bt 1 mind tld me ntin lyk pregnancy u dn reach 2 gv woman belle, c ur face lyk pregnant!!!...d other ws tellin me o boy u ur own don don!!!.....Mogbe am dead!!!




I no say smpple dey wait mke i dey drop all d whole episode as fst as possible, but wnt comment....There is......!!! shame shame pple



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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JOKE (DINDY VS POLITICIANS) BY DINDY (part five)
HOW DINDY DRESSES;
1). Shoe
2). Shirt
3). Jeans
4). And finally Wristwatch
HOW NIGERIAN POLITICIANS DRESSES;
1). Expensive wristwatch
2). Expensive shoe.
3). Expensive native.
4). Juju ring.
5). Waist juju
6). Bangle juju.
7). And finally tortoise for neck.....................................................abeg o I no call names oo...... na joke o........lol.
Watch out for part six.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-10-26 08:51:18

229 Views




Following the 2-2 draw between Chelsea and Totttenham, Leicester City officially are the champions of England for 2015/2016


Leicester are 7points clear Tottenham


Congrat Leicester City


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-03 00:28:42

369 Views




Embarrassing Moment Is Not When U Watching

COMEDY NIGHTS WITH KAPIL SHARMA

With Your Parents

.

.

It Is When Ur Parents Ask “BETA YEH SUNNY

KAUN HAI? HEROINE Hai Kya?”Related

I don’t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without caffeine!Related

A boy proposes to a Punjabi girl, “I have fallen in love with you”.

The girl smiled and answered shyly, “Chal Fuddi da!”Related

all for luv [Read it]


A guy and his girlfriend wanted
to commit suicide on the top of a
10 storey building so that God
can officiate their wedding in
heaven.
The plan was to jump off the
building at the same time at the
count of three. So after the
count, the guy jumped off but
the girl didn't jump. She looked
back and said, "Though love is
blind, I'm not blind."
She then walked away. As the
guy got to the air, he opened his
parachute and said, "Though I'm
madly in love, but not mad to die
for love."
Who's deceiving who?



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-28 06:57:03

777 Views




ONE WEEK LATER

Tunde walked through the lawn; his eyes behind the dark shades were red with dark circles beneath testifying to his lack of sleep. He finally got to the car and paused taking in another breath of fresh air, the blasted tune played in his head – remembering his wife loved the tune. Tunde gritted his teeth and opened the door sliding into the driver’s seat.

The passenger door opened and Demilade sat on the seat beside him, he removed his glasses surprised. “Demilade…”

“Can I come with you?” her voice was unusually soft “I’m tired of this house.”

Tunde nodded saying nothing; he started the engine and drove out of the compound through the already opened gate by the gate man. Silence filled the air as he drove. They were both buried in their thoughts but the same issue hung between them.

He slowed down getting to the little clog of traffic at the T-junction. The same tune played repeatedly in his head, hell; he knew he missed Priscilla so much. In fact, he was beginning to doubt he reacted to the issue the right way, what if he had been patient. Heard her out? What if…

“Are you thinking about her?” Demilade’s voice interrupted his thoughts as the car surged forward “You are thinking about her…” her tone was distant.

“Yes” Tunde replied simply, there was no use denying it.

“I heard your conversation with dad the night you came in” this time she looked at him and their gazes locked. Tunde stared at her shocked and dragged his yes back on the road.

“I’m sorry Demilade.”

“Don’t be” Demilade looked out to the road through the window. “So many secrets, dirty secrets…”

Tunde sighed at a loss for words; he turned towards the road leading to his house, his heart slowly thumped in his chest secretly hoping she would be there, waiting for him.

“What are you going to do?” She threw him a glance; her eyes glistened with tears for her brother. “You can’t keep her around Tunde, she and her family ought to leave us alone”

“It is not her fault, Demi” he sighed in resignation. “ It’s not her fault dad had an affair with her mother.”

“Still you can’t keep her around. Do you know what that would do to mum, me, dad?”

“Your father wants her around” his lips thinned as he thought of his father. “That is all he has ever wanted, he cares only about his name.”

“Our father is a pig.” Her voice was heavy with hate and he threw her a sharp glance in response. It took a breath as if to calm herself and she continued, “If mum found out about everything, her health…”

“That’s why she won’t Demilade. Don’t say a word about it to her.”

Demilade shook her head in frustration but chose not to respond. Tunde turned into the all familiar street and silence filled the car once again. The tension was almost tangible. His breath quacked when he parked the car in front of the gate, he opened the door but his body felt too flaccid to move. Demilade got out of the car and stood in front of the gate with a look of confidence but within him, he knew she too was scared for him.

After what seemed to be forever, he got out of the car and locked it. It took him a minute to walk towards the gate and walk into the large compound. His heart was pounding, he thought his sister could even hear it.

They entered the cream building and slowly climbed the staircase with her in front of him. Demilade turned around and held out her hand as they got to the front door. Tunde held on to it and gave her a light squeeze. His chest felt too tight to contain his heavy heart, it took strength to turn the silver key in its lock, it made a light click and his hand slid away from the door handle of its own volition.

He wanted to hear those soft footsteps as they came towards the other side of the door. He closed his eyes for a brief second and looked at his sister. He gave him a sympathizing look with tears in her eyes. She could see how much he loved the woman.

Finally, he held on to the door handle and turned it slowly. The door creaked open and slowly gave way for them to enter. He could almost wail as the house stared back at him giving him all it had.

Demilade slid her hand from beneath his and walked into the apartment, like a robot he walked behind her. Each step he took sunk his heart further, Tunde walked towards the corridor towards the bedroom half hoping Priscilla would walk into the room any moment.

There was a single piece of paper on the bed, he sat on the edge almost bewildered and shakily picked up the paper. He gazed hazily at the piece of paper. It contained an address. She had left. Tunde hung his head swallowing the deep wave of disappointment rocking his body.

***

Priscilla hastily stumbled towards the toilet and lurched herself at the toilet vomiting. Soon after, she sat helplessly on the clean floor and burst into fresh tears, feeling another wave of self-pity. It took her a long while to get up and flush the toilet with the stench of her vomit hanging heavily in the air.

She dragged herself towards the brown drapes and parted them open. The morning sun flooded into the room taking away the morose atmosphere. Priscilla stood like that for a few minutes watching the little boy that played with himself in the house on the other side of the street. A little quiver of peace came into her heart and her hand rested on the little bump in her stomach. For the first time in a long while she remembered her sister Imabong, her heart quivered again with nostalgia also remembering the lengthy conversation she had with Seyi the day before concerning her issues.

Priscilla moved away feeling slightly better. After a while she stepped out of the room fleshly dressed in a shirt and sweat pants. She could smell pancakes and her stomach complained of hunger, her footsteps led her to the kitchen seeing Mrs. Bridget hum to herself as she fried pancakes.

“Good morning”, she walked to the cupboard getting out plates.

“Good morning dear”, Mrs Bridget replied with her refreshing motherly smile. “Trust you slept well?”

“Yes I did”, Priscilla replied returning reassuring smile. Much to her embarrassment, her, stomach grumbled loudly again and her host laughed.

“Don’t worry!” She put the last batch of pancakes on the plate and Priscilla carried them to the already set table.

“Please let me handle the cooking”, she rushed on feeling uncomfortable “That is the least I could do for your kindness.”

“Nonsense!” Mrs Bridget replied with her usual enthusiasm. “I won’t allow my guest cook in my house. You are here to relax and get your thoughts together.”

A tear slid of the corner of Priscilla’s eye and she dabbed it away with her palm “Thank you” she said in a croaked voice.

Mrs Bridget put down her fork in surprise “why are you crying?”

“It’s just, my own mother should be doing this,” she said after a moment “well at least the woman I thought was my mother,” Priscilla added with spite.

“She is still your mother” the other woman replied softly.” “Regardless of everything, she raised you and brought you up to this point in your life even though it may seem like the worst.”

She swallowed a piece of the pancake slowly. In her heart, she knew Mrs Bridget as a mother. She also knew Mrs Bridget had a point but her heart was too hardened to believe. “I’m in a mess and all she cared about was to grab unto her money, she didn’t even care that I was hurt”, her voice shook remembering the day she went to her mother’s house.

“So, what do you plan on doing now?” Mrs Bridget asked obviously unwilling to pursue the subject any further.

Priscilla stared down at her barely eaten meal “I don’t know. I love my husband but we both need time to heal.” She stared at her host expectantly and she responded nodding in agreement. Priscilla busied herself and cut another piece of the pancake taking it into her mouth.

Her heart hurt thinking of her husband.



***

Karen stared at the door of Tunde’s office hesitant to open the door, she knew the nosy secretary watched her intently as she opened the door with confidence and stepped into the office.

Tunde looked up from the documents on the table. Seeing Karen, he got up in courtesy and she rushed towards him gathering him in her embrace. His heart repelled it but he was too soft to care. Finally, she released him and walked round the table to seat in front of his desk. He sat down as soon as she did.

“How are you?” Karen asked him with her eyes supposedly full of concern. Tunde stifled a grunt of disgust; sometimes she forgot just how well he knew her. He knew very well she had come to stake her claim, her prize. Him.

“I’m okay, I’ve been busy” his tone was flat.

“Too busy to call me?”, she threw him one of her famous sulky looks.

“I’ve been busy Karen. I’ve had a lot of things to handle.”

She said nothing at that but he knew she was not pleased. “I want to be there for you Tunde,” Karen stated softly. “I really want to be here for you, you need me the most right now.”

Tunde said nothing watching her as she spoke.

“I feel like you are pushing me away and we know I’ve been with you for a long time, I know when you need a friend.”

“A friend?”, Tunde echoed in uncertainty.

Karen shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “Am I not your friend?”

“You tell me, Karen”, he replied drily and relaxed back in his chair. “Is this a game to you where you’ve come to stake your prize?”

She looked at him surprised, genuinely surprised. “Err Tunde… Tunde I…”

Tunde smiled a little “Karen I can take care of myself, you don’t need to worry about me.”

“But there’s your dad and her mom and the fact that she had ‘sex’ with Richard and now she’s pregnant.” She laid heavily on the ‘sex’ word as if to rub it in. “It’s a lot of drama for one person to take in.”

It stung him, it really did but he chose not to give her the satisfaction of showing it. “Karen”, Tunde replied firmly. “I’m fine, you don’t need to worry about me but thanks.”

“Have you heard from her?” Karen asked, gingering.

“Priscilla and I would sort it out ourselves; I can’t think when everyone is badgering me.”

She threw him a hurt expression. Tunde’s mobile phone rang and they both looked at it, it was Demilade.

“Excuse me”, he said to her and picked up the call. “Hello?”

The other end of the line was noisy and Tunde strained to hear what was going on “Hello?”

“Tunde it’s me!”

Tunde glanced at Karen who was watching him with an unfathomable look on her face. “Yeah where are you? It’s noisy.”

“I’m at the hospital.”

He sat up in his chair “What for? Are you okay?”

“Its mum, she fainted!”


>>

“I am” is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.Related

New Year's Eve has always been a time for looking back to the past, and
more importantly, forward to the coming year. It's a time to reflect on
the changes we want (or need) to make and resolve to follow through on
those changes.

Below Are The Commonly Made New Year Resolutions You Can Chose From.

1. Spend More Time with Family & Friends
Recent
polls conducted by General Nutrition Centers, Quicken, and others shows
that more than 50% of Professionals vow to appreciate loved ones and
spend more time with family and friends this year.

Will you do the same?

2. Fit in Fitness
Regular
exercise has been associated with more health benefits than anything
else known to man. Studies show that it reduces the risk of some
cancers, increases longevity, helps achieve and maintain weight loss,
enhances mood, lowers blood pressure, and even improves arthritis. In
short, exercise keeps you healthy and makes you look and feel better so
make exercise a priority.

3. Quit Womanizing.
Just like
drinking and smoking, a lot of people have promise to stamp out their
womanizing habit this year. Would you wanna join them? It is a nice idea
and you won't regret doing it it.

4. Quit Smoking
If
you have resolved to make this the year that you stamp out your smoking
habit, over-the-counter availability of nicotine replacement therapy now
provides easier access to proven quit-smoking aids. Even if you've
tried to quit before and failed, don't let it get you down. On average,
smokers try about four times before they quit for good. Start enjoying
the rest of your smoke-free life!

5. Enjoy Life More
Given
the hectic, stressful lifestyles of Nigerians, it is no wonder that
"enjoying life more" has become a popular resolution in recent years.
It's an important step to a happier and healthier you!

6. Quit Drinking
While
many people use the New Year as an incentive to finally stop drinking,
most are not equipped to make such a drastic lifestyle change all at
once. Many heavy drinkers fail to quit cold turkey but do much better
when they taper gradually, or even learn to moderate their drinking. If
you have decided that you want to stop drinking, there is a world of
help and support available.

7. Get Out of Debt
Was
money a big source of stress in your life this year? Join the millions
of People who have resolved to spend 2015 getting a handle on their
finances. It's a promise that will repay itself many times over in the
year ahead.

8. Learn Something New
Have you vowed to
make this year the year to learn something new? Perhaps you are
considering a career change, want to learn a new language, or just how
to fix your computer? Whether you take a course or read a book, you'll
find education to be one of the easiest, most motivating New Year's
resolutions to keep.

9. Be Good And Help Others
A
popular, non-selfish New Year's resolution, volunteerism can take many
forms. Whether you choose to spend time helping out at your local
library, mentoring a child, building a house, or Helping the poors and
needy in your street, there are many nonprofit volunteer organizations
that could really use your help.

10. Get Organized
On
just about every New Year resolution, organization can be a very
reasonable goal. Whether you want your home organized enough that you
can invite someone over on a whim, or your life so you can attract your
dream person, or your office organized enough that you can find the
stapler when you need it, these tips and resources should get you
started on the way to a more organized life.

Happy Chosing.

You Can Add Yours.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-31 19:13:18

107 Views




My virgin story
Episode 10

Because of my ambition to be a writer, I
used to leave my college of science
during free periods to attend lectures on
international relations in the college of
social sciences. I used to sit in a dark
corner without speaking to anybody in
the class. One day, I walked in before the
commencement of the lecture and sat
down at my usual place. Suddenly I heard
a feminine voice from behind me.
“Don’t sit there, that’s my seat!”
I stood up immediately ready to
challenge who it was. I found myself
looking into a pair of crystal clear eyes
set inside a pretty, dark, angelic face. All
the anger I had felt at the intruder
vanished instantly. For a while, I couldn’t
say anything. I swung my gaze quickly
from her face down her body. She was
slightly dark; the colour of chocolate. She
was slim, cute and with tiny waists. She
had straight, smooth legs typical of
runway models. My gaze swung back to
her face. But she was not frowning, she
was actually smiling and it was an
innocent, yet mischievous smile. Then I
told her gently that it was my seat since
I always sit there. She smiled and said
that I had two options. It’s either I leave
the seat or we share the seat. I knew the
second option was not feasible. It would
not be allowed by the lecturer so I left
the seat for her and got another seat.
But throughout the lecture I kept thinking
about her. At a time during the lecture I
looked at her and found her eyes meeting
mine.
After the lecture, I was leaving the class
when I heard the girl beside me.
“Why do you like staying alone without
talking to anybody?”
“To avoid trouble.” I replied
She found me funny and started laughing.
Then I told her it was because she was
so beautiful and polished that I felt
myself dumbfounded at first and had to
leave my seat for her. She smiled and
said her name is Rachel. I told her my
name and we started chatting. She
confessed that she had always seen me
in that corner and was curious about me.
That’s why she decided to look for my
trouble.
This was to be the beginning of my
second relationship.
I can say this is one of my best
relationships ever. Rachel had a very
cheerful, intellectual, generous
personality. There was never a dull
moment with her. We were never in want
of anything. She had a lot of money and
although I never demanded from her, she
never ceased to spoil me with money at
every opportunity. At first we didn’t talk
about s-x because of the kind of
environment we were. I was in love and I
was happy, I had the best girl in the
world in my life. Then one day while we
were walking back from the school
cafeteria, I asked her what she thought
about s-x and she said she was a virgin
but she doesn’t mind trying it out with
me since I was the right guy for her. She
only needs it to be at the right place in
the right time. As time went on we
discovered we could barely be around
each other without getting h---y. This
girl nearly got me into trouble several
times. There was a time in the chapel
when the service was getting boring and
we decided to stroll around. When we got
under the stairs, she whispered into my
ears that she was h---y. I had to kiss her
instantly and we continued kissing for a
while. Then I felt her hand stray to my
trousers, caressing my stiff c—ck through
the fabric. My hands were already on her
boobs when we heard fast footsteps
approaching us. We quickly broke up and
dispersed. It was a security man; if we
had been caught it would have been a
semester suspension. I was looking
forward to booking a hotel one weekend
and taking her there to bleep her. But
when I approached my roommate
Johnson for advice, he said the love I
had for her might vanish if I had s-x with
her too early and I would start seeing her
as a s-x object. I explained to her and
she understood. She said she would wait
but not for too long
During the long break, she took me to
see her parents. Her father was a popular
businessman, he was stinkingly rich and I
was a little scared initially, having to
stand to his scrutiny. After quizzing me
for a while, he was satisfied that I was
good enough for her daughter. He liked
me because I seemed to be
knowledgeable in a lot of things and he
found easy to chat with me because he
was an influential man who has seen a
lot. Her mother was a sweet, gentle-
looking woman. The resemblance
between mother and daughter was too
much. She had a slim body like her
daughter and they looked more like
sisters than mother and daughter. I
wondered if I actually see her outside on
a normal day, I could toast her not
knowing she is married for 25 years with
5 children. The mother also liked me and
I had a nice time with them. After then
she always asked about me. She used to
package gifts for me and give me money
whenever she visited her daughter in
school.
During the Christmas I went to Rachel’s
house again and attended their
Christmas party. I was introduced to her
siblings. She had two sisters and two
brothers. The guys were tall and slim,
like their father. The girls were also pretty
like their mother. However, Bimpe who
was Rachel’s immediate younger sister
seemed not to like me and she tried to
diss me at every opportunity. Rachel told
me not to mind her that she was just
jealous. The party was exquisite and
explosive. There was plenty of food and
booze as we partied till dark. Many big
men were there; Rachel’s father’s friends.
She was with me throughout and in the
evening she kept whispering into my ears
“Tonight, am getting disflowered by you
tonight.”
I laughed and said she was drunk. She
said yes but that it was possible even
with the prying eyes of her family. She
said she would sneak into my room at
night and do it with me. I was excited,
looking forward to a night of hot, steamy
s-x with the girl I loved.
As the party proceeded I got drunk on
the alcoholic wine. Rachel went to sleep
first, complaining of getting dizzy. Then
later I staggered upstairs into my
bedroom in a secluded chamber in the
mansion. I was drunk; everything seemed
to swirl in my eyes and I crashed on the
bed. Before I slept, I had the imagination
of s-x and Rachel playing in my mind.
To be continued

>>
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