Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


INSECT EPISODE 5

......IN WHILE BEHIND THE TREE.......
(WRITER TALKING):"A fully grown female Short horned grasshopper(locust) of about 10 cm (about 4 in) long, also known as true grasshoppers, was hopping looking for a hole in the ground to lay her eggs......females (locust) lay their eggs in holes in the ground...........
(WRITER TALKING):"she hopped unto a leaf to take rest,as she rested a spider walked slowly up to her from her back,she didn't know that the spider was there,it walked slowly not to send any vibration,but it was not careful enough,its second left leg mistakenly made a wrong move. it made a vibration and the grasshopper (locust) escaped from death that moment..... but it was not over yet.....,it hopped off to another leaf as fast as it could.
(WRITER TALKING):" The rain started dropping little by little....remember we are in the world of an insect........a little rain dropped on the head of the grasshopper (locust).the rain wet the antennae of the grasshopper (locust) causing it to loose track of everything around it.it didn't know what else to do again,and it couldn't stay one place, if not it might probably be drowned by the heavy rain that has already started"..........
(WRITER TALKING):" She jumped and landed herself into a little hole at the root of a tree,the hole was totally dark.the rain increased making it impossible for any insect to move under it and also for the Sunlight to come through the clouds and for any thing that has eyes to see properly.she stayed there and decided to lay her eggs there,after some minutes the eggs were out and she cleaned herself and her antennae using her tiny mouth. the rain was still falling heavily,little did the grasshopper (locust) know that the place she was,wasn't so cool".
(WRITER TALKING):"a pray mantis was there,the pray mantis was in the same situation as the grasshopper (locust) ....they were both brenched by the rain and they were resting.....,the pray mantis was green colored,and it was sleeping.the grasshopper made a sound which awaken the sleeping pray mantis,immediately the pray mantis woke up.when it woke up, its eyes behold the most juicy meal it has seen all day,it turned its head from the left then to the right in a swinging and low motion.the grasshopper (locust) was tired and decided to sleep....the worst mistake of its life.......the green pray mantis walked slowly and not to make the grasshopper (locust) notice or see it,it got closer and closer to the grasshopper(locust), but the grasshopper(locust) didn't know that it was coming for it,the pray mantis was now like an inch away from it".
(WRITER TALKING):"the pray mantis aimed the grasshopper(locust) as it moved its long fore hands to catch the grasshopper(locust)".
Pray mantis:" Hello", it said with an evil smile all over its face.
(WRITER TALKING):"on hearing that the grasshopper(locust) wake up.it was about to jump towards another side but it wasn't fast enough,the pray mantis catch it with its sharp hands.
Grasshopper(locust):"let me go let me go",it said while struggling to escape from the grip of the pray mantis.
the pray mantis say nothing,instead it closed its grip on the grasshopper's(locust) body more,making the little pointy things on its hand penetrate the grasshopper's(locust) body.the pain the grasshopper felt was the same as a man that was killed by pushing a needle directly into his heart.the grasshopper(locust) couldn't escape or do any thing,it just gave up the ghost.after the grasshopper died,the pray mantis started eating the grasshopper from the head,then down to the rest of the body,after it ate the grasshopper(locust),it relaxed and started licking its hands,cleaning off the juicy blood from the grasshopper (locust),the rain had already stopped,so it moved out and flu away.
(WRITER TALKING):"the grasshopper's effort was not all in vain because the eggs it laid will hatch in the spring, and its young will reach maturity in July or August,so its legacy will still be carried on............... to be continued......story by dindy.....whatsapp number:07087750433.... [email protected]@gmail.com or [email protected] facebook namessy nnamdi
please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission...thank you for reading this story....


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Today's kids are so spoiled they don't know
that.
In our days you could be beaten for any of
the
following reasons:
*1.* Crying after being beaten.
*2.* Not crying after being beaten.
*3.*Crying without being beaten.
*4.* Standing while the elders are seated.
*5.* Sitting while the elders standing.
*6.* Walking around aimlessly where the
elders
are seated.
*7.* Replying back to an elder.
*8.* Not replying back to an elder.
*9.* Spending too much time without being
beaten.
*10.* Singing after being admonished.
*11.* Not greeting visitors.
*12.* Eating food prepared for the visitors.
*13.* Crying to go with the visitors when the
visitors are leaving.
*14.* Refusing to eat.
*15.* Coming back home after sunset.
*16.* Eating at the neighbour's home.
*17.* Generally being moody.
*18.* Generally being too excited.
*19.* Fighting with your age mate and
losing.
*20.* Fighting with your age mate and
winning.
*21.* Eating too slowly.
*22.* Eating too quickly.
*23.* Eating too much.
*24.* Sleeping while the elders had already
woken up.
*25.* Looking at the visitors while they are
eating.
*26.* Stumbling and falling when walking.
You could be beaten for just anything...
#True Or False? # www.facebook.com/9jastudentforum #B-goF #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-07-21 06:06:49

560 Views




At a church service on a
sunday in northern Nigeria,
while service was still on,
all of a sudden a boy stood
up and shouted
bOMb! bOMb!! bOMb!!!
Immediately every one was
running helter skelter some even fainted
while some said
their last prayers,
even pastor sef prayed last
prayer,
then the boy ran to the alter
picked up the Microphone
and shouted
ApriLLLL
fOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOL....


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-21 06:58:44

762 Views




I quickly pulled off her night wear and
dressed her up with the clothes she wore
from her place.
A black jean trousers and a pink top. It truly
was the most difficult and irritating task I
have ever
done in my entire life.
Pulling off clothes from a dead person.
The worst aspect of it was that it was
trousers. Putting that trousers on her was like
an uphill task but i had to do it.
I turned her facing down and facing up at
intervals to make sure the trouser entered
perfectly.
Putting on her bra and pink polo wasn’t that
difficult. “What next?” I asked myself as I
looked out of
my room window. The hostel (lodge) gate was
still locked. There wasn’t anyway I could
carry
her out of the lodge without waking the
gateman or seen by early morning weed
smokers,
(Annoying students who were fond of
smoking hemp in front of some hostels).
Moreover the hostel lights were equally on
and glaring.
I rubbed my face in desperation. I was living
at the top-most floor and so had little or
nothing to
hope on. It was a do or die affair.
I left my room and took a quiet tour round the
lodge. Fortunately no one was outside, which
really was a very big relief. I went round the
lodge searching for a quiet hidden place I
could dump her body. Of course I wasn’t
thinking
of dumping her outside the lodge because
their wasn’t a way I could do it without being
seen. I couldn’t ask the gateman to open the
gate
without arousing suspicion nor scale the
fence with such a heavy load. I had to look for
a spot within the lodge to dump the body.
Finally an idea quickly struck me. The was a
staircase at the extreme end of wing c which
was hardly used because the three stairs at
the front and middle back of the big hostel
was the most preferred by everyone.
The staircase was exactly the kind of place i
was badly searching for.
There wasn’t any bulb underneath it like the
other staircases _(the bulbs were probably
stolen) and so had poor visibility even in the
afternoon.
My only fear was that the cleaners who swept
the lodge every morning might discover her
on time. Perhaps before i could be able to
dispose her handbag and other belongings
which i intend
disposing at a place very far from the lodge
later in the morning.
Seriously i never imagined my heart could be
as dark as it was that fateful morning, but it
got me
to realise that the heart of man is very
dangerous especially when faced with an
unimaginable circumstance.
I quickly inspected the staircase, rushed to
my room and carried the poor girl’s body.
Discreetly i headed back to the staircase, my
heart almost at breaking point.

>> Page 4 -

Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers.

-Jarod KintzRelated

1. A girl who asks for money all the time is called
"Commercial Bank".
2. A girl who calls you for food always is called
"Agricultural Development Bank".
3. A girl that uses your money to take care of other
family
members is called "National
Investment Bank".
4. A girl who prefers to have sex after marriage is
"Social Security Bank".
5. A girl who is very faithful to you is "Fidelity
Bank".
6. A girl who loves every available man is "Access
Bank".
7. A girl who dates men from
different countries is
"Intercontinental bank".
8. A girl who doesn't demand too much money is
called
"Micro Finance Bank".
9. Dating a woman older than u is called "Wema
Bank".
10. A girl who is always faithful and trustworthy to
her guy is called "Guaranty Trust Bank".
11. A girl whose guy disvirgin her is called,
"Firstbank".
12. A girl who uses all ur money to buy jewelries is
called "Diamond bank".
Ladies which "Bank" Are You?
Guys Which "Bank" Is Your Girlfriend?
Be honest pls.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-17 08:48:35

382 Views




To have a man who can flirt is next thing to indispensable to a leader of society.Related

Few Hours back in Metro.



Lady: Bhaisaab yeh baat nhi maan raha hai, ro raha hai kab se. Aap mere bete ko daant dijiye zara.



That Guy (Bhaisaab): Chup kar ja Bc . Abhi chamaat mar ke gand lal kar dunga gandu.



Lady: Bas hogaya.. Rone dijiye usse. ???? ????Related

The “Smoking Kills” warning

on cigret packs is like

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.girls saying, “Rehne Do, Koi

Dekh Lega” – nothing more

than a ritual ????Related

Axe Ka Deo

Amul Macho Ki Baniyan

Paragon Ki Chappal

Sabhi Try Kar Liya

Naa Chokri Mili Naa Naukri!Related

The Nigerian army was losing a lot of
personnels in the war and desperately needed
more people to fill their rank and files to fight
the war. So one of the top officers approached
Akpos to enlist...
OFFICER: We desperately need you in the army.
AKPOS: I’ll join but on three conditions.
OFFICER: Ok, what are the conditions?
AKPOS: My first condition is that I’ll not wear
the uniform because it's quite heavy and stiff.
OFFICER: Ok. What is the second condition?
AKPOS: I’ll not do the parade and other training
under the sun because it will be too hot, I’ll only
do it under a shed or some kind of shadow
cover.
OFFICER: Ok, what is your third condition?
AKPOS: My last and most important condition is
that during the time of war, I’ll go on leave.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-27 09:28:23

314 Views




I woke up around past one, try her
number again and it was saying
switched off. I catch some sleep late,
woke up by 4am, took my bath and
stepped out of the house. I decided to
head straight to Ajao Estate and if I didn’t see her there I will know she slept
in their house and see her later in the
day in the office. I was surprise when I
got to their compound and saw light on,
definitely someone was inside, I
knocked at the door and was even amazed when she answered and open
the door for me
Me: what happened baby? Why didn’t
you come home?
Biola: Am very sorry baby, it wasn’t my
fault
Me: what happened? i called your
number so many, u didn’t pick and
suddenly it was switched off
Biola: Am so sorry baby, I had a flat
battery and it wasn’t intentional Me: So, what happened why did you
sleep here because I know even if you
came here late, you would have call me
to come and pick you
Biola: Am sorry, ehmmmm…..Baby, just
help me thank God for my life, it was
God that saved me yester night
Me: what happened?
Biola: I was at the bus stop when I
started hearing gunshot, I started
running home and I guess that would
have been the time you were calling
me. I started running home and by the
guy I got to our gate, they have locked it and I started knocking the door but
nobody to open for me. I had to call
Emma who came down to open for me
because our security was nowhere to be
found. Me: That is serious
Biola: By the time I checked my phone,
it was off already and there was no light
to charge, I was so scared to go out of
the room.
Me: But what exactly happened
yesterday
Biola: We left the pastor’s place late, he
was having some visitors when we got
to the church, he called dad maybe he
can come and meet us at the church but
he said he was far but will see him later.
I got here around quarter to nine and my intention was just to pick what I
wanted within two minutes and start
coming but the armed robbers operated
for more than an hour Me: How were you able to sleep at home
alone then?
Biola: Its by God’s grace and one mind, I
wish you could see me yester night Me: We thank God nothing happened to
you, I was seriously worried and had it
in mind that if I didn’t see you here, the
next thing was to check you up in the
office.
Biola: Thanks so much dear Me: So, what was the outcome with the
pastor?
Biola: He said we shouldn’t worry that
he will talk to my dad. Grandma still
maintain that its that 6 weeks time but
they want to engage my dad first before
asking you to tell your people Me: That is good, that means its your
dad that is the major challenge now
Biola: I don’t even know for him
ooooo…..lemme quickly take my bath
baby, this is 5:30am already Biola excused herself pull off her cloth in
the bedroom and went to the bathroom
to take her bath, after like 5minutes
when I realized she has started taking
her bath, I pull of my cloth, placed them
very well in the bedroom and entered the bathroom to meet her there, I held
her from behind and started massaging
her bweast
Biola: baby Noooo, we are getting late
for work already Me: Yeah I know but we still have little
time..have missed you so much baby
Biola: Have missed you too baby, we will
have the time later in the evening Me: I want it now baby, I just want to be
inside you now
Biola: Noo baby…please
Me: Please now, even if just for five
minute just to go in and come out
Biola: I will feel tired at work and you
know today is Monday, first day at work
and am having slight headache too Me: please now baby
Biola: Am also begging you now
baby..please, lets wait till evening baby
Me: Okay, but please just make me
release baby
Biola: How do you want me to do that?
Me: I don’t know baby, just make me
pour this thing…… Before I concluded the statement, she
already started kissing me rubbing her
hand on my Dickson, she knelt down
after a while and placed my Dickson
inside her mouth and started sucking
me real hard, she was digging it that I didn’t know when I started saying
gilbrish….
Biola: Ouchhhh….why do you have to
release inside my mouth now Me: am sorry baby….. I feel relaxed after pouring out, we took
our bath and left for work. I first drop
her at her office before going to my
office and went to pick Biola later in the
evening even though we didn’t later
had s*x at night. We came back from work on
Wednesday evening when Biola’s mum
called her and said that Biola’s father
will like to see both of us on Saturday.
Biola asked if there was a breakthrough
and she told her that she was not aware of anything that he came back from
work that evening and told her to talk to
Biola. I asked if the pastor have been
able to talk to him but nobody was
aware of the reason for the meeting as
she was not sure if the pastor had seen him. Around 12pm on Saturday, we left my
place on Saturday and headed straight
to Biola’s house, we were talking about
so many things and our prayer was that
her father’s mind should have soften as
nobody knows the reason why he asked us to come. We got to the house but
met his absence, Biola’s mum welcome
me very well as a son inlaw and said she
does not know the reason why he called
us. Just like 30minutes we got there, he
entered and I greeted him, he didn’t even answer me only Biola’s Mum
Responded


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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U may be out of my sight, but not out of my heart. U may be out of my reach, but not out of my mind. I may mean nothing to U but U’ll always be special to me.Related

who is d fool [Read it]


Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts. Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try. One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.


The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch. 


The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their chambers. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and hailed as a hero.


Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't have cared less knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King and with a laugh told him to get Lost. 


The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the kings underwear. The king immediately summoned Nick.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-21 18:14:52

207 Views




A Doctor was addressing a large audience in
Tampa. "The
material we put into our stomachs is enough to
have killed
most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your
stomach lining.
Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can
be
disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term
harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But
there is one
thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all
have, or
will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is
that causes the most grief and suffering for years after
eating
it?" After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in
the
front row raised his hand, and softly said,
"Wedding Cake."#AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-15 17:21:53

528 Views




Akpos?? father accompanied him to
his school graduation awards party.
As they sat watching amidst loud
ovations, the beneficiaries were
called to the podium for their
awards. The following conversation
ensued:
ANNOUNCER: Best student in
sciences; the winner is Kwame.

FATHER: (applauds and eyes Akpos
scornfully) See correct children!

ANNOUNCER: Best student in
commercial studies; the winner is
Kemi.

FATHER: (hisses and eyes Akpos
again) See correct children!

ANNOUNCER: Best student in Arts;
the winner is Helen.

FATHER: (fuming with anger) See
correct children!
And so, all the awards were
presented without any going to
Akpos. At the end of the event, they
left and went to the car park but as
his dad got ready to start the car,
the engine refused to respond. He
opened the bonnet and touched a
few things but his efforts did not
yield any response, so they resorted
to pushing it. Just as they got to
the exit of the school, the rickety
car sparked up.
Exhausted and profusely sweating,
Akpos rested on the gate just as his
mates were driving off with their
parents in Hummer, Sequia, Infinity,
Escalade, Bentley, Lincoln Navigator,
Range Rover and other exotic cars.
All of a sudden, Akpos burst into
laughter.
His puzzled father asked, "What??s
so funny?"
Amidst teary eyes, Akpos responded,
"SEE CORRECT FATHERS!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-31 11:22:38

962 Views




Global Warming

warning:” Our next

generations will not be

able to see polar bears

and tigers..

.

.

.

.

.

.

To hum kya karein.. ??

Humne bhi to dinosaur

nahi dekhe..

.

.

kabhi shikayat ki

kya ??Related

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. 


The next day, she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. 


The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up!!! I'm going to shoot you next!''


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-30 05:01:46

242 Views




A Zimbabwean girl married a French man
and went with him to Paris. She didn’t
know French. One day she went to the
market alone to buy chicken thighs; since
she didn’t know how else to tell the
attendant she wanted the thighs, she
lifted her skirt & pointed to her thighs
and he understood. This went on for
some days. The other day she wanted to
buy chicken breast, so she lifted her top
and showed her breasts; and he
understood.
One day however, she needed to buy
bananas; she thought about it a lot and
figured there was no way she would
explain that to the attendant using her
usual method, so she took her husband
along with her. Do you know why?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Because he knew how to speak French na!
Dirty minds!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-08 10:50:11

651 Views




Akpos attended a church service one Sunday. He sat beside a very ugly girl. 


While the pastor was preaching he said, "Tell the person seated next to you that he or she is beautiful"


Akpos immediately stood up and the pastor said, "Where are you going?"


Akpos replied, "I'm changing seats, do you want me to lie in the house of God?"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-22 10:54:09

324 Views



WAYA DON GAS [Read it]


After two weeks in Dubai, Akpos came back to Naija with the American slang/accent.
He flew in late and while on his way home, he was stopped by men of Nigeria Police Force.
"Hey, where u dey go?"
"Wat de f*ck do u mean, Yo talking to me?" replied Akpos.
This incited anger in these men who understands nothing but the Naija street language (Pidgin).
He was taking to the police station and put in a cell.
There in the cell, Akpos kept on ranting and shouting,
"Yo bunch of shits, I got the damn right to make a phone call in this cell. Get me a f*cking fone!!"
This went on until a BOSS (Oga) in the cell told one of his boys in his husky and thunderous voice,
"Scorpion, abeg give this guy a phone call"
Scorpion headed straight to Akpos corner and landed him a THUNDEROUS SLAP "GBOOOOAAAAAAA". The sound was nothing far from the sound of a Thunder strike.
"E done dey ring, abi make I redial?"
Akpos accent changed, "Bros abeg, e don connect"
lol


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-17 15:02:08

1972 Views




ONE WRONG TURN
JUDGEMENT DAY
Episode 38

I explained to Ehis that i was very
busy in school, and could not
leave. I assured him i ll meet him
later that day.
Mesode pulled over in front of a
hotel. We all alighted. At this
point, my discomfort became
obvious. I had no idea why we
stopped in a hotel, but i knew it
was no place for a decent girl.
I kept looking around, hoping
that no one recognises me.
Mesode grabbed hold of my hand,
and led me into the hotel. As we
walked, i took time to look closely
At him.
He looked really familiar, but i
couldn’t quite place the face. He
had a striking resemblance with
someone i had met before. But
the image was blur and elusive.
Aj and Hannah approached a
receptionist, while the read of us
sat on a couch in the waiting
room. Few seconds later, He
beckoned on us to follow him.
We took a flight of stirs, then we
emerged in a hallway. It had
several room on the sides. Aj
opened the door to one of the
rooms , and motioned us in.
It was a fairly large room,
adequately furnished and
tastefully decorated. A large bed
occupied the middle of the room,
surrounded by couches of
different sizes.
I stood for a while, looking
around the room. Ruth and
Hannah had already taken their
seats on the couch, while Aj,
Mesode and ramsey went outside
to discuss.
As i noticed their absence, i
moved closer to hannah, and
whispered to her in a harsh time.
“what is all this? What are we
doing in a hotel room?”
“my friend stop acting like a small
girl, you don’t know why we are
here? ” Hannah shot back At me
with the same tone.
” you know Ella is not into this
kind of runs, you shouldn’t have
brought her along. If i knew you
were coming here , i wouldn’t
have followed you” Ruth cut in,
standing up and facing Hannah.
Just as Hannah was about to
reply, the door flew open. And the
three boys walked in. Aj beckoned
on Hannah, and she got up to
meet him. He placed his hand
around her waist and led her
outside the room.
On her way out, see turned round
and blew a kiss at us. Ruth drew
closer and whispered into my ear.
She simply told me to relax,
before walking out of the room
with ramsey.
I was suddenly alone with
mesode. Cold shiver ran down my
spine, i looked around, probably
to find an escape route. The door
wasnt locked, so i thought of
dashing outside.
Mesode must have noticed my
apprehension, he sat next to me
on the couch, and began his
smooth talking. He told me stories
about his life in Malaysia, and
how he and his friends had made
millions.
He kept emphasising that he was
in Nigeria to spend money. He
sounded as if the money talk was
crafted to turn me on. All the
while, i kept my eyes fixed firmly
on the door, hoping to dash out at
the slightest opportunity.
Mesode gave me no such space.
He began to run his hands slowly
around my exposed tights and
kissing me softly around my neck.
I was nervous and uncomfortable,
my heart pounded.
I felt dirty and cheap. All i wanted
was to get out of the room. But
my body was sending a
completely different message. I
could feel the wetness again.
I was already moaning slightly,
and responding to his touch. His
lips met mine, i wanted to resist,
but my body seemed to be
functioning independently.
He slid His tongue into my mouth,
and i obliged. I felt his hands
moving around my back
underneath my clothes. It felt so
wrong, but my body simply
responded.
He unstrapped my bra, and it
came off. He attempted to take
off my clothes, when a knock on
the door interrupted him. He got
off me and walked towards the
bed, trying to fetch something.
The knock on the door worried
me, i remembered what happened
to Hannah, if there was going to
be someone else in this room, i
can’t tell what could happen.
I looked around, this felt like the
perfect moment to escape. I
snatched my bra from the floor
and ran towards the door, hoping
to push whoever was behind it
away and run to safety.
The plan was very much simple to
me, until i got to the door. I
turned the handle round
repeatedly, but the door wouldn’t
open. The person on the other
side must have noticed the
struggle.
He turned the handle with enough
force to send the door flying. I
stepped back a little to avoid
being hit by the swinging door. As
the door opened completely, the
giant frame of a man stood at the
entrance.
In my state of panic and
confusion, it seemed as if the
person in front of me covered the
entire door. I never bordered to
look up at him. I kept my face to
the ground and ran towards him,
hoping to push him out of the
way as i had planned.
He caught me by the hand, and
called out my name. The sound of
the voice shocked me, it was
familiar. In fact i could tell who it
was, with out looking up.
WHO COULD THAT BE?
AJ? HMMM,RAMSEY? ELLA'S FATHER POLICE FRIEND?ELLA'S FATHER? EHIS?
TILL TOMMORROW AM DONE FOR TONIGHT


>>

Episode 5
By Awaljnr

He woke up feeling uncomfortable. I knew it was because of my presence. Well the day was over and i guessed that was his last time working in the Hagan house or maybe i wouldn’t even see him again. Was i thinking of meeting him again?, NO! It can’t be, my friends will be disappointed in me. Was it even good to have friends or stay alone, doing things you wished to do. Well, i leave that to you readers to judge. My mum called me in to give him his ransom but i refused. I couldn’t stand paying him off and once again, i didn’t know why. The next thing i saw was my mum paying him off, i ran into my room in displease. After several weeks of not being in the scene, Mr. Hagan came in with a gentle man to introduce to the family. If he is someone to be introduced to the family, then i don’t get why my mothere already knows him. “hello kwame” my mum embrace him when she took notice of him.
Why the need for introduction then? I didn’t pay any attention though, we had dinner, my dad said alot of stuff, yeah like “stuff”. Business issues and all that. After which he introduced the young man to be his general managers son. “Hanson Kwame”. “what do i care?” i said to myself. The guy was cute, Handsome, wealthy and all that but hei! What do i care? My dad did everything he could to link me to him, after which he excused us. I couldn’t believe it. Well we said a whole lot on the balcony. He wanted to know more but hei, i ain’t interested in any relationship yet so i ended it there. He took my contact and promised to bell me. I called Linda, to tell her about this new guy and she was so excited, excited for nothing because im interested anyway. I told her it wasn’t what she thought and she couldnt stop talking from then. OMG! She couldn’t really talk, i mean talk.
“come on girl, how can you have someone like that and ignore, are you kidding?” i could hear her rattle on the line. I couldn’t stop laughing. I can’t see a guy for the first time and go running to him? That’s absurd. I didn’t like this guy anyway so whats the big deal? He behaves as if he owns everything in the world and seeing me for the first time, he thought he owned me too. Maybe he doesn’t know someone is already announcing that i am his girlfriend. “hahahahha!” come to think of it, i didn’t even ask for his name. I mean my engineer. Wait, did i just say, “my” engineer? I meant the engineer! What is wrong with me? Oh GOD.. My phone rang, it was a message from an unknown number. I don’t remember going my contact to anyone so how come? I sighed, well lets check who it is and what it has…
Story continues

>>

Dear Ladies [Read it]


Dear ladies,
Before u marry him, discuss sex... Don't spiritualise it.... Sex is
important! Infact u can't do without it....
Be sure that he has a working penis.... U need his penis more
than u need his speaking in tongues....
God created the penis and vagina for a purpose, and they have
to be put to use....
Remember that any tree that does not bear fruit will be
uprooted.... Don't allow anyone to deceive u!!... Speaking in
tongues will not stop u from being wet.... After the tongue
comes the cock....
#Beware


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-26 21:05:33

443 Views




Girl: Do you know that what a man can do, a woman can do it more better.
Akpos: That's a big lie
Girl: Ok prove me wrong
Akpos: Can you wear a black suit on your wedding day?
Girl: God forbid



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-14 20:44:16

630 Views




If girls dressed for boys, they’d just walk around naked at all times.

~ Betsey JohnsonRelated

Dear Dollar [Read it]


Dear Dollar,You slut…
Stop rising so much coz after 58 Government will retire you..Sincerely
Indian RupeeRelated

poverty palava [Read it]


In Nigeria of today, things are hard o!
There is serious poverty and hunger!!
Just imagine!!
A guy slept very hungry and saw bread in his
dream, he took it and started eating it in his
dream. After he finished eating it, he saw a
coconut and decided to eat it too but he didn't
see a knife to cut it. So he decided to use his
teeth only to receive a dirty strong slap from
his elder brother! U don finish pillow....... Now
na my head u dey chew..... U be witch!?....
Don't laugh alone, share????


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-07-01 20:41:14

513 Views




Average number of erections per day for a man: 11
Average number of erections during the night: 9Related

Life is hard. After all, it kills you.

~ Katharine HepburnRelated

Continues..
Smith: wow they are really fighters
Presley: well I wasnt talking about you
Melissa: you better not except you want to empty that pool(they stood near me)
Presley: whatever!
Smith: preston where are the other members? Its just you and preston here..
Preston: they are in the general house.
Smith: why did you abandon them? They are suppose to be with you all the time…
Preston: those guys are rogues they rebelled against me to give them freedom and they got the freedom only preston stood by me and joined me to fight against them. That fight went on for two weeks. I got shot during that period preston was the one who saved me. Thats why I owe preston a lot.
Presley: anytime
Melissa: (scoffs) it baffles me how tigers fight like cats and still win battles…
Presley: and it makes me wonder how a cow behaves like a lioness in the jungle…
Melissa: you so just crossed the line
Preston: you too! Whatever..
The night went deeper it was 2am and they were still discussing. I love my sleep so much that I had to sleep like a baby on preston’s chest. I woke up to see them still discussing, it was just 5am and the nobles were not left out…
Me: I am sorry I slept. Good morning all… did I miss anything?
Melissa: yeah you sure did especially the part I punched presley out of that stool…
Presley: I let you do it if I was to get back at you you would have been dead by now
Melissa: all you know how to do is to rattle that little mouth of yours!
Preston: good morning also.
Me: there is someone at the gate( looking at the light which was in the shade)
There was a particular light at the shade that turns green to red whenever someone was at the gate…
Preston: how did you know?
Me:this is my house remember??
Preston: of course!
Melissa: I will go and get it. I don’t like looking at weaklings…
Presley: are you referring to me?
Melissa: (scoffs) who are you??!
She left and came back with a group of boys wearing red and white about fidteen in number…
Melissa: they came to look for preston
Preston: yeah sure! Baby I hope you don’t mind?
Me: of course not.. anything for you..
Preston:thanks.. so how have you guys been?
Charlesa member of the P.P): we have been fine except for the fact that ebuka joined the B.W.
Preston: I knew that one day that guy was going to betray me. It was obvious when he shot me…
Charles: I heard the news about master so I guess we would be joining the confraternities.
Preston: you also know?
Charles: yeah. Master sent me the message
Presley: hmmm finally. So where is that girl that wanted to join us then?
Charles: and you where is miranda?
Presley: she is inside
Charles: why?? I thought you guys were inseparable? Honey and bee
Presley: are you mocking or insulting me?
Charles: what if I am?
Presley: then you are nothing
Charles: that doesnt mean anything bro..
Presley: at least charles show some respect and not this your rebellious attitude….
Everybody heard a voice and turned to see the person..
To be continued..


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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JOKE BY DINDY PART 71

One lovely evening Dindy was diving to a show and he was late, suddenly he got stuck in traffic, so he decided to drive on the walkway to get to the show on time.
As he drove along the walkway a man who was walking on the walkway saw him coming.
As the man saw Dindy's car coming from behind, he got angry because the walkway was made for legs not tyres.
Man: [Angry] Oga where you dey run go!, you see road here!!!??.
Dindy: I dey go Your grave!, you better commot for my front before I send you to your family meeting ground.
Man: [Angry] Do you know who I am!?.
Dindy: Oga I no know you o, but if you no leave there ehn.
Dindy: The slap way I go give you ehn go cripple your memory .......

DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 72.








NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-12-18 15:11:13

232 Views



just new [Read it]


hey guys am new here am i welcum hey guys am new here am i welcum


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-09-17 15:51:37

169 Views



Akpors Bad boi [Read it]


TEACHER: What do you do after class?

1ST STUDENT: I buy weed from Akpos.

2ND STUDENT: I go to Akpos' house to buy a cigarette.

3RD STUDENT: I pass by Akpos' house to buy gin.

4TH STUDENT: I always go home to do my assignments.

TEACHER: Great!!! I hereby nominate you as class perfect to be a good example to your colleagues...What's your name again?

4TH STUDENT: Akpos!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-26 15:00:31

412 Views




My Frnd was employd as a cleaner at one airport in
portharcourt, Emeke z a very stourborn boy who fears no
body. Last week thursday, he was cleaning one of de
planes as usual, he saw a book writen boldly on it was
''HOW TO DRIVE A PLANE'' he was very very happy, he
left his work and started opening d pages of d book. On d
first page, he saw " IF U WNT 2 START D PLANE, CLICK
THE BLUE BOTTEN" out of anxiety, he quickly presd de
blue button, OMG!! it works, he opnd de secnd page nd
saw, " LET D PLANE FLY, PRESS D WHITE BUTTON""
he happily pressd d white button, OMG!! d plane startd
flying, Emeka was very happy, it was really a nice trip,
now Emeka wantd to stop d plane, he opnd d nxt page nd
saw, IF U WANT 2 STOP DE PLANE, BUY D VOL. 2 OF
THIS BOOK lol_, my dear, as am talking to u nw any
plane u see on d sky today , na Emeka b dat oooo


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-07-20 10:06:42

312 Views




NAMELESS (EPISODE NINE) STORIES DA VIBA
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Days later after they came back to their senses and after they buried the baby, Godson was driving to his friend's house (Miriam was at home still trying to recover from the pains she felt inside).
Godson was on high speed on his way to his friend's house, he had to go see his friend because his friend told him that there was a good news and he should try all his best to come over to his house for both of them to discuss about it, his friend sounded extremely serious (his voice sounded like a man who wanted to buy a nation with all he had on him).
As he drove he saw traffic ahead of him so he decided to take a short-cut to escape the slow-long-large traffic (which could take 15min per movement) ahead of him ( and also ahead of others behind him).
He saw a short-cut so he turned the car's wheel towards the direction of the short-cut. The short-cut had so many linked roads (but that wasn't a problem because he knew and understood the road very well).
He was about to make a right turn (to a linked road which would take him directly to the area where his friend lived) when is phone rang, he bent his head down to see who was calling him (removing his focus off the road).....
Boy was about going to do his job on the highway when a Jeep hit him on his guts with full force causing blood (and its cells) out his mouth and making the things which he held in his hands to fly out his grip hitting the jeep's widescreen, burnet and the ground). Boy's body laid straight on the Jeep's burnet with all the things which he wanted to sell scattered (on the ground, burnet and on Jeep's widescreen).
Godson paused immediately the event occurred, he was confused and shocked, his lower lip dropped in absolute disbelieve (like a dead rat hanging over an ocean), something that has never happened to him before.
He literally felt like disappearing from there (so he felt), he could no more pick the call (he didn't even have the opportunity to see the caller's name due to the sudden-shocking event) which came to his phone before the incident.
Boy's body slide backwards slowly then dropped to the ground (with his butt landing first to the ground before his back then head).
Godson saw Boy's blood on his car burnet causing fear to rule his entire being, he quickly reversed backwards (after he reversed backwards he was able to see Boy's body properly), he saw as Boy's blood stained the ground and also saw that he was still breathing, then his conscience started talking to him..
"What do you think you are trying to do?", questioned his good side.
"See let us run now that we have the opportunity to do so, no one notice that you knocked down a boy", said his bad side.
"What if the small boy dies? as you can see he is still breathing", said his good side.
"See If you listen to the other guy you will surly regret your dumb action for trying to be good for no reason, besides it wasn't your fault, the kid didn't look before he walked towards this direction", said his bad side.
"Please Godson take my advise and don't let this kid die, i don't want you to have blood of an innocent kid on your hands", said his good side.
Godson mind was already made up, he directed his car tyers towards another side then he stepped on the accelerating pedal leaving Boy to his fate.....to be continue.
-Dindy>> Never choose the wrong path, if you do you will pay for it.
This story is brought to you by Stories Da Viba and was written by;
1). Nonsegzy
2). Evybliss
3). Princeprezide
4). Dindy
5). Blexxybaby
6). Nelly
Watch out for episode 8, your comments are needed... Please like our page on facebook "Stories Da


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Unknown number [Read it]



Jane was called by an Unknown number.
UNKNOWN: Hi, do you have a boyfriend?
JANE: Yeah.
UNKNOWN: So you have a boyfriend. Its your dad. I’m coming so that you’ll tell me when you grew horns!

Next five minutes later, another Unknown caller.
UNKNOWN: Hi, do you have a boyfriend?
JANE: No.
UNKNOWN: I see you don’t love me. I’m your boyfriend.
JANE: Oh Sweet heart, I love you. I thought it was my stupid Dad!
UNKNOWN: It’s not your boyfriend. It’s still your dad, just wanted to confirm you really have one. Wait for me! I’m on my way!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-30 12:48:24

266 Views




We all stood in straight lines on the assembly ground. Being
one of the tallest girls in my class, I stood at the far back
end.
"Sing the National athem after count of three...1...2..3" the
assembly prefect instructed.
The whole school sang except me. I wasn't feeling so well
that morning, I vomited thrice before coming to school,
couldn't eat breakfast cos I didn't have appetite to..
"The pledge!" the prefect said again
"I pledge to Nigeria my country.." I managed to mutter
before everything around me began to spin. I felt dizzy, I
tried to steady my self, my palms became sweaty.
I rubbed my eyes, opened them, the whole school was
spinning faster, I quickly shut my eyes, my head was
spinning too...I passed out.
*::::::::::*
I opened my eyes again, only to find myself on the hospital
bed.
My father was staring at me, disappointment written all-
over his face.
"Kpele- sorry" he said when I tried to sit up.
What was going on? I rubbed my forehead to ease the pain.
"Teju.." My father began
"You know I love you, and will do anything to make you
happy.."
I became tensed, something was wrong somewhere.
"I want you to tell me the truth..." he continued.
Truth of what? I asked myself
"tell me, Who did this to you?" his voice became shaky
"Who is reponsible for this pregnancy?" he said gently.
I frozed at the spot. Preg..what? Who? Me? Tejumola? Is
this a dream?
I pressed my stomach firmly.
How can I be pregnant?
"Teju..." my father placed his hands on my back.
"Talk to me."
I held his gaze for a moment, before looking away. I could
feel the whole world crashing at my feet. Fat tears rolled
down my cheeks. What would I tell my father?
"Don't cry." my father held my hands in his.
I turned to look at him, he was crying too.
"Its all my fault.." he lamented
"I should have spent more time with you.."
I could feel my heart splitting, should I tell him or not?
David
was far away in London...I'm finished.
My father hugged me " my daughter, I'm sorry, forgive me
for not always having time for you" he whispered.
"I'm sorry Baami, I'm sorrrry" I wailed
"It's alright, don't cry anymore, I'm here for you, I'd take
good care of you." he patted my back soothingly.I didnt tell
who was responsible for my pregnancy and i had no
intention of telling him later.
I could see the guilt in his eyes.he really blamed himself for
my predicament and i sincerely was sorrowful in heart for
letting him down.I wish my mother was alive,this might not
have happened to me.I hate maami.Her hostile attitude
towards me played a part in ruining my happy life.
My thoughts were far far away.How can i raise a child under
my father's roof.How can i raise my head in the
public.David is overseas.I never knew this would ever
happen.I never dreamt of it.
My loud sobs echoed through the walls



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Akpors, a rich businessman, was coming from the bank
when three armed robbers stopped him.
The shortest among them shouted at him, “Your money or
your life?!”
Akpors was silent for a while. The robber repeated, “Are
you deaf?! Your money or your life?!”
Akpors replied, “Wait, give me some time to think about it”
WHY SHOULD AKPORS EVEN BE WASTING TIME THINKING
ABOUT THIS?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-03 18:00:10

975 Views




You might feel rejected,forsaken and all alone,just know that loneliness is not the absence of people around you but the absence of God's direction in your life.
# B_Gof
# Anomolos
# Boukoru Andy E
please save image below and share to frnds to encourage them. remain blessed







NAIRAJOKES.COM




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