Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Look at the ocean & see God’s abundance!

Look at the sky & see God’s glory!

Look at the moon & see God’s wonder!

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Look at the mirror & see God’s Blunder!Related

1:20pm
*Sonia's mother's place*

Ebere's voice was calm as she tried to get the old woman to see reasons to agree to her opinions.She knew Sonia could be serious with her words but she was so bent on getting her revenge against Angela whom she believed was the reason why Mike,her rich fiancee broke up with her few days to their wedding.That incident surely left her with pains.Deep inner pains which time can never heal.It left her a shattered woman with all the memories that refused to let her be.How she loved him with all her heart.How she surrendered her all to him.How she gave all of herself to him.It was really heartbreaking.She found it hard to console herself and move on with life whenever that instincts of hers tell her it was Angela's handwork.
On the other hand,she vowed to destroy her happy marriage to make her feel the pain too.

Ebere understood perfectly that making Sonia go to jail would be of no benefit to her but she was ready to do it if the poor girl refused to play along.Perhaps to teach her that she does anything she said she would do.

"I'm suprised at Sonia your daughter.How could she have gotten this kind of opportunity of becoming rich overnight and she's trying to throw it away?"She feigned with a little anger and a coloured face.

"What do you mean? Isn't she doing what you said?"The confused woman asked.

"Isn't now the best time for her to stand strong and be happy?
She is pregnant and she is threatening to call it quits with everything.Could you imagine she plainly told me she would terminate the pregnancy? "She asked.

A kind of smile played on the poor woman.She seemed lost.
"You mean.....she told you she's pregnant? Why haven't she told me? What is even wrong with that girl?"She rained endless questions on Ebere who was yet to disclose her main mission for coming over.


1:35pm that same day
*Angela's home*

Sonia heard David's car hunk in the compound.She was taking some rest after washing the clothes she was supposed to wash the day before.They really gave her a tough time,especially David's hard jeans trousers which her soft hands always found so hard to deal with.
She peeped out through the window and watched him alight from the car.
It was unusual,seeing him at home by that time of the day.Sonia wondered what could be wrong.
"Did he forget anything?"She asked her troubled self.

>>

When You Ask A Nigerian Politician
'What's Your Take On The Heat? Journalist: What are your thoughts on
this heat Nigerians are complaining
about and what is government doing
about it? Lai Mohammed: This is the result of
PDP's misrule, they stole the ozone
layer. FEMI ADESINA: Mr. President promised us
change and that includes change in
temperature. Change is here, embrace
change. Akinwunmi Abode: We have signed a $
10 million deal with LG to install air
condition across the Lagos skyline. Ibe Kachikwu: I assure you all that this
heat will disappear by 2pm on 29th
May. Bukola Saraki: Tinubu wanted the heat
to be more than this, but I opposed him
out of my love for Nigeria and that's
why they're witch hunting me. Goodluck Jonathan: The heat was not
this bad when I left power, but
Nigerians did not appreciate me. Adams Oshiomole: Diezani Alison-
Madueke stole the N100 billion meant
for temperature control research. Nasir El Rufai: We are in talks with
General Electric to see how they can
generate power for Kaduna from this
heat Rauf Aregbesola: I have just approved
payment of January salary so that Osun
workers can buy hand fan Aliko Dangote: Next week, we are
commissioning the Dangote Fan
Factory. By 2030, Australia will be
buying fans from us. Ben Murray-Bruce: *tweets* when Naira
is weak and inflation is high
automatically there will be heat. This is
common sense! Ngozi Okonjo Iweala: Under the last
administration, there was no political
will to address climate change.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-01 09:29:00

381 Views




Streams of blood oozed from Ebere's arm as she lay on her foam,motionless.
Sonia quicky ran up to her with heart beating so fast and fixed the gun into her hand to make it appear she shot herself,while making sure she avoided blood stains.

Sonia shook with fear on seeing the policemen on duty.She had thought they wouldn't be out by now.It was still too early,she thought,with an uncertain feeling all over her.She couldn't put herself together that the taxi driver noticed her fidgeting.She had passed a police checkpoint the previous day with her mother with much confidence that she wouldn't be spotted,but this morning,the feeling was different.

"Driver stop!"She finally told the taxi driver,removing her eyes from the policemen to make him believe the reason she asked him to stop was not connected to the police.

"You say make i stop?"The young man with a black-sleeveless-top asked,still moving the vehicle.

"You deaf? Stop me here!"Sonia yelled,hitting his hands.

"See me see wahala o.Sofri tell me nah.You want make we get accident?"He hissed and parked at one side of the road.
Sonia produced #200 note from her bag,gave it to him and came down from the taxi without any delay.

"Haba.wait make i give you your change na"He reminded Sonia.

"Keep the change"She replied vaguely and made her way into the bush.

"I hope say no problem sha?"He called after Ebere who was no longer in sight

"Who are you talking to,mr.man?"The horrible voice of one angry looking policeman jolted him back to his driver seat.

"Na the persenger wey i carry"He replied.

"Why did you stop the person here.Is it a man or a woman"The policeman asked again.

"Na one girl o.She say make i stop am here"

"Is this the place she told you she would be stopping?"

"Noo.Where she dey go still far"

The policeman smiled and looked into the bush.He saw her running;falling and getting back up.

"Baba Toure,Sergeant Okoro,Ibrahim. Make una show!"He called on three other policemen who came to him immediately.
He gathered the three of them together and made their eyes follow his finger as he pointed to the person running into the bush.

"Go and get her here.I suspect something"He instructed and eyed the taxi driver.The three policemen dived into thd bush with their guns.

"Mr.man,come down from that motor.You are not going anywhere until they return with her"He told the taxi driver.

"Hia! Ololoo, wetin i do na? Wetin i do sir"The young man asked with a pleading voice.He never wanted to have anything to do with 'Nigerian police'.
The popular saying' i no follow na #5000' was registered somewhere in his brain.


____
"Angela my daughter. Nwa m o" Mrs uwa ran up to her daughter with tears of joy trailing down her cheeks. Her husband was still at the door.
She ran her hands across Angela's face and body.

"Oh look at my daughter. Who did this to you? Where happened to you?" She rained endless questions on Angela who couldn't utter any word but allowed the tears that gathered in her own eyes to drop.

"i am happy you are alright" her father said, allowing a smile to cross his face for the first time in days.

"I saw hell. i was kidnapped"Angela cried.

"Kidnapped? Who kidnapped you? Did you see their face?"Her father asked.

"i saw their faces. i know them. I do. they wanted to sacrifice me to their god but my God saved me"she cried more.

"Thank God. its not my daughter they will use for sacrifice. Tell us about it"her mother urged her.

"For goodness sake. you should let her have some rest. she shouldn't be disturbed"the doctor's voice echoed as he entered the room.

Just then,the door barged open with full force and David ran into the room,with Tony closing the door after him.

"Angelaaa" he ran up to her and kissed her forehead.

"She needs rest"The doctor referred to David who paid deaf ears to his words. Here is Angela,the woman that gave him sleepless nights and restless days and there he stood telling him about rest.

"She would be fine. I guess you are her husband. I need to see you in my office"The doctor said to him and finally left, realising it would be impossibe to shoo him off his wife.

"Mr David. Your wife was lucky not to have sustained serious injuries from the accident and most especially,her pregnancy was not affected in any way. Its a miracle"The doctor told David with a friendly smile.

David's eyes opened wide in amazement.

"Did you say pregnancy?"He asked,not believing his ears.

"Of course. Two months pregnant. Aren't you aware of that?"The doctor asked surprised.

"Wow,God be praised. Thank you doctor"David couldn't contain his joy as he shook the doctor's hands heavily.

>>

Mad man advice [Read it]


A young guy got mad after taking 15 raps of Indian hemp.
He went and sat at the high way with cutlass.
People where begging him to leave the road but he refused.
He was eager to kill any person that come his way.
After 30 minute, a policeman came and pointed gun at him "Leave the road or i..."
The mad man shouted "Or you do what! Go ahead and kill me"
He kept on shouting as he goes close to the policeman with all his eyes open and a swollen muscles.
The police ran for his life.
Another mad man who have been observing the whole scenario got angry and went to him and said "Na watin self? Are you the first person to get mad? If you continue like this you will die young"




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-02 16:55:04

43492 Views



Akpors and oga [Read it]


Akpors is always drinking is master,s wine and be adding water whenever is master is not around so one day na im God catch am him oga buy italian wine kum naso akpors drink small kum add water naso d colour start 2 dey change wen im oga kum naxo akpirs run enta kitchen wen is master saw d wine e shouted akpors ! Akpors anserred oga his oga said who drank d wine i jst bought no reply akpors his oga shouted again so wen akpors came outsyd e said oga i swear u no go hear anytin except ur name if u enta kitchen his oga said is a lie let me enta and confirm e say oga enta wen im oga enta e shout oga is oga ansered akpors now said na whu dey enta d maid house if madam no dey na so him oga run kum parlour and say akpors is tru i cant here anytin except ma name naxo madam shout say na lie akpors kum say madam shey u go try naxo d madam enta kitchen madam! Akpors shouted she replied yeeess na wu b junior tru papa me or oga naxo madam run kum outsyd honey is tru o pls we nid 2 fumigate the kitchen lolllzzz


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-17 20:26:42

306 Views




JOKE PART 45 BY DINDY
Dindy: Men are more trustworthy Than women, in relationships.
Girl: That's a lie.
Dindy: Why did you say so?.
Girl: Well, what a man can do, a woman can do better.
Dindy: That's a lie.
Girl: It's totally true
Dindy: Ok, Good to know.
Girl: [tongue out].
Dindy: That I'm not the biggest idiot in this relationship.
Girl: [Angry] Stupid boy.............
DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 46.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-11-10 22:56:31

186 Views



WHO IS AT FAULT [Read it]


Am traveling in an aeroplane i was pinging with my pals na him dis man dey check evrytin i write i con change d topic say tell abu zakari and our commander dat d bomb will explode dat we are many in d plane dat dey should take care of my parent as promise d man jump through d window of d plane and die pls who as d fault....drop ur comment


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-20 08:52:49

731 Views




Loveth: ma;what will i make?
Liz: don't bother;i am done already
Loveth: alright(she walked into the kitchen to make cookies)
Liz: what do you want to do?
Loveth: i want to make cookies
Liz: alright;when you are done call the maid to clean up(she walked away)so much to do
Maid: ma are you done
Loveth: don't worry i will clean it when i am done
Maid: thanks ma
Loveth: you welcome(few hours later their guest arrives)
Lucas: welcome
Joan: good day sir
Lucas: how are you my daughter?
Joan: fine sir
Lucas: pretty girl come say hello to grandpa
Joan: go on
Ruth: i love you grandpa(she hugged him)
Lucas: i love you too(they sit)welcome my son
Liz: you all are welcome to my home
Joan: thanks ma
Lucas: son;what is your name?(he laughed)whats funny?
Luke: you are;you just called me your son but you know little or nothing about me,you dont even know my name. what kind of a father are you?
Joan: Luke
Luke: let me be;i was meaning to asked you this;why did you leave my mom?when you know you don't love her;why did you get married to her in the first place
Joan: Luke
Luke: why did you even come back(enter Jude)you are a worthless father
Jude: don't you dare call my dad that(he turn to face Jude)you
Luke: Jude;what are you doing here?
Jude: i am in my father's house. what are you doing here?
Liz: you know him
Jude: he is the bastard forcing himself on my wife
Liz: what?
Jude: yes;call the securities to get him out of this house(he pull him by the shirt)out
Ruth: don't hurt my dad(she hit him with her tiny hand)
Lucas: he is your brother and my son
Jude: what?
Lucas: yes(Luke stand motionless and Loveth walked in)he is my son and he have every right to be here
Jude: shit(he walked towards him and Loveth call out his name)
Loveth: Jude;are you back
Jude: follow me(to Loveth)
Loveth: excuse me(both walked away)
Liz: sorry;excuse me(exit Liz)
Ruth: dad;he is a bad man and while is ma Loveth with him
Joan: baby;will you keep quiet
Ruth: he is bad;he want to hurt my dad
Luke: he is your uncle;he is not bad
Ruth: i don't like him
Joan: just shut up
Lucas: i am sorry son
Ruth: is not your fault grandpa but that wicked man's fault
Joan: Ruth
Ruth: sorry mom
Lucas: that is enough(back to Loveth)
Jude: why didn't you tell me that my brother is your boyfriend?
Loveth: what?
Jude: go on and answer me
Loveth: i wanted....
Jude: you wanted but did not tell me;are you sick?
Loveth: i am sorry(he slapped her)Jude stop it;i have no idea that your dad did not
Jude: just leave my dad out of this,you want to start dating him right
Loveth: will you stop;i am not a call girl
Jude: really are you a virgin
Loveth: yes;i was until you force yourself on me(he got anger and used the wires from his television on her)Jude stop
Liz: are you sick
Jude: mom;just tell this stupid girl to behavior herself
Liz: Loveth;go down stair and prepared the dinning
Loveth: alright ma(she range herself and walked away)
Liz: what are you thinking?you said the boy in question is her boyfriend before now and you are abusing her so she have reason to leave you
Jude: mom she cant;she is just a coward
Liz: think before you loss
Jude: i cant loss
Liz: so you think;just go down and apologies to your dad
Jude: i am coming(back to Luke)
Ruth: ma Loveth
Loveth: yes dear
Ruth: i want to used the rest room
Loveth: alright(she show her the rest room)you all should come to the dinning
Luke: don't worry
Lucas: that is nonsense;why will you come to your dad house and not eat(they walked to the dinning)where is your husband and his mom
Loveth: they will soon be here(enter Jude/Liz)here they come
Liz: why are you all not eating?
Lucas: we are waiting for you
Liz: alright
Jude: dad;i am sorry and brother;i am sorry i punch you and i yelled at you
Luke: is okay(they eat in silence but Jude decide to break the silence)
Jude: so this little girl is my niece
Joan: yes;i am your brother's wife
Jude: we've meet before now right
Joan: yes but in a different circumstance
Jude: of cause(Luke fixed his eyes on Loveth watching her mixing the food without putting a spoon in her mouth and Liz notice his gaze)have you meet my wife before now
Joan: yes;she was a friend to the family(Luke didn't know when he call out her name)
Luke: Loveth(Liz focus on Luke all of a sudden)sorry;i was calling my daughter
Jude: is your daughter name Loveth
Ruth: my is Loveth because i gave myself that name(every laud and Luke breath out)
Jude: alright;everyone that bear that name is beautiful;just as my wife. is she not beautiful(she kissed her in front of Luke)she is really a charmer(he continued kissing her and Luke felt uncomfortable and walked away)baby brother;where are you going to?
Luke: i just need fresh air(he walked out)
Joan: excuse me(exit Joan)
Jude: did you like it
Loveth: Jude;stop it. cant you see a little girl here
Jude: is it her you are looking out for or for your superman;you prostitute
Lucas: are you sick
Jude: not at all
Lucas: then behavior yourself
Loveth: i go ahead ma
Jude: i am coming with you(Exit both)
Lucas: talk sense into that son of yours
Liz: i will;baby come lets eat(back to Luke)
Luke: dammit(he kick a tree at the garden)does he have to do it front of me. he is acting like a baby
Joan: what is making you angry?
Luke: nothing lets just go home;go get Love;lets go
Maid: sir;your room had been prepared
Luke: what room?
Liz: your dad said you are spending the weekend here
Luke: he is joking. where is he?
Liz: he has retired to his chamber and no one dares go disturb him when he is out
Luke: what?i am not a prisoner here. what will my family wears
Maid: arrangement had been made for that already
Luke: dammit
Joan: Luke;lets stay its just two night
Luke: fine have it your way(he walked in)
Joan: i wonder where he got this character from(curtain)


Jude: i want to go and rest
Loveth: this early;come stay with me till i finish what i am doing
Jude: i am exhausted and please don't come to that room to switch on light
Loveth: fine(he walked away)this is stress full(she walked into the living room)hey;what are you doing here?
Ruth: i can't find my dad
Loveth: then go to bed;i am sure he had gone to sleep
Ruth: no;he used to stay beside me every night for me to fall asleep
Loveth: really
Ruth: yes
Loveth: but he is nowhere to be found and it as passed bed time
Ruth: i know but i cant sleep
Loveth: alright;can i do that for you
Ruth: sure(they both walked into the room and she lay down and Loveth watch over her)thank you
Loveth: you welcome(she fell asleep)this kids of nowadays they want to be treated like queen(she peck her and turn to leave but notice a shadow)who is there?come on show yourself(she became scared when no one talked)go on;show yourself(Luke switch on the light and she flee into his arm)
Luke: are you scared?(she realise it was superman and she withdrew from him)
Loveth: i am sorry;i just put your daughter to bed
Luke: thanks(he turn to leave but she was not moving)are you alright?
Loveth: i cant see,the whole place is dark
Luke: the entire place is dark or you are scared
Loveth: i am not scared(he try to move forward and she hit her leg and screamed)
Luke: careful(he held her hand)are you hurt(she stared at his hand and he withdrew his hand)sorry
Loveth: is okay;i go ahead(she walked very fast towards her room and meet Jude)Jude;are you not sleeping
Jude: why should i sleep?so you can flirt with him(Luke stood to listen)
Loveth: i am not flirting with him
Jude: really so?you will realise you are flirt with him when both of you start sharing kisses
Loveth: will you stop the walls has ears
Jude: i don't care(he dragged her to his room)
Luke: what is wrong with this boy?
Loveth: Jude;you worry over nothing..(he slapped her before he end the statement)why?
Jude: you are stupid;i will be go on a business meeting first thing tomorrow. if you like flirt with him(curtain)


Luke: good morning
Ruth: good morning dad
Liz: please;you all should attend to your dad;i just have to rush to the office just now
Luke: alright(exit Liz)young woman;where to?
Joan: there is an emergence at the hospital
Luke: why did they call you?
Joan: is not an operation(he laughed)please take care of Ruth
Luke: how can i do that?(Enter Loveth)
Loveth: good morning;you are going out?
Joan: yes;please take care of my daughter
Loveth: i will(exit Joan)baby;i was told to take care of you(enter Lucas)dad;are you going out as well?
Lucas: yes;i just need to do something at the office
Luke: let me drive you
Lucas: don't bothered;it will be bad if everyone leave the house
Loveth: but...
Lucas: don't worry(exit Lucas)
Loveth: baby;i think we should also go out
Ruth: no;dad will be lonely;i want to stay with dad
Luke: you can go
Ruth: no dad;i will stay with you(enter Maid)ma;you are going out too
Maid: yes;i need to buy foodstuff(exit Maid)
Luke: everyone is busy doing nothing
Loveth: excuse me;if you need me baby just call me
Ruth: please don't leave
Loveth: but...
Ruth: please...
Loveth: fine;i will
Ruth: thank you(she sat and answer her different question and Loveth eyes is fixed on the floor)Ma;are you ashamed of my dad
Loveth: what?
Ruth: then why is your eyes fixed to the floor?
Loveth: what?you talk like an old woman. how old are you?
Ruth: i am five;excuse me
Loveth: where are you going?
Ruth: i want to sleep
Loveth: can i come
Ruth: no;talk with dad before his mouth start smelling
Luke: baby(she peck him and ran away)what is wrong with this girl?(she sat for awhile and stood to leave and he held her hand)don't you think there is something you need to tell me(they both stared at each other)



TO BE CONTINUE.....



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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We had the long semester break. This was great
for me in particular as it drew me closer to my
parents especially my father been around. Even
though my mother is my best friend on the
planet, I still want to hang around with my father. I tried all my possible best to be the very best
child they could ever had as they expected the
best of behavior from me. You know me! I don’t
want to show any attitudes towards them that
would cause them to worry. So, in my little ways, I
put up my best of act as the loveable and caring daughter.
My parents decide we use the vacation to visit
Akosombo in the Eastern region. We make
reservations and plan in great detail as we want it
to be a memorable one vis-à-vis; the live band
that will usher us a welcome song on the boat for day 1, hiking on day 2, fishing and water surfing
on day 3 and etcetera.
We drive to the resort and retire to our rooms
after a long drive to the venue. My parents take a
room and a room to myself. In times like these, I
really wish Kofi is around to cuddle me. I remember last night when I called him and told
him of my trip and he politely asked if he could
come along but I declined. I had wanted this to
be for my parents and only them. They deserve
this togetherness after such a long time being
apart. Now, I lay so miserable and lonely on this bed staring at the ceiling wishing he is around.
My eyes swivel to the swirling of the fan blades
until it get bored for me to watch. I toss my body
and gaze at something else. I see something for
the first time. It is an Art hung on the wall. The Art
portrays a worried mother who carries her child at her back. It is as though she needed money for
food or how she was thinking of how she would
take care of her child or probably thinking of the
whereabouts of the father.
I watch the Art critically as it reveals the true
realities of the real African problems we are facing currently. I am drawn back to reality when my
phone buzzed. The caller ringtone is familiar and I
know it’s my darling Kofi on the line. I grab my
phone and send a seductively voice reeling to
Kofi’s ears.
“Hello Kofi” “My dear, how are you doing?”
“I am good love and I really miss you here
terribly”
“Oh really, but you....” I cut him. I know what he
wants to say; to make me feel guilty; for not
letting him come but I also wanted to shower my love to my parents to give them this great time
they so much need. I guess I would just have to
sacrifice.
“I am truly sorry Kofi for not letting you come and
I regret it now, it was just that I needed to
sacrifice this to let my parent enjoy their time together” I spoke out.
“It’s okay, I understand and how is the view up
there?” he says.
“Well, we haven’t really gone out to see the view.
We all retired in our rooms where we are lodged.”
We speak for hours and I just can’t get enough of him, to cap it all, he is amazing. It gets to a point
when he is tired and the selfishness in me still
forces him to sing a lullaby. And he did, he sings
to my ears and I sleep through the night.
***************
A bang on my door wakes me up the following day. I am dazed as I walk slowly to the door to
open it. I find my mom all spruced up telling me
that I should go pack my things that we are
leaving. I am startled. I begin to crack my brains if
today is April 1st –fool’s day but it’s rather August.
I leave her by the door and have myself in the wash room to have my face clean thoroughly. I
get back, she still stand where she is, this time,
yelling at me to pack my stuff that we are leaving. “Oh but what is the matter?” I ask looking foggy.
“It’s nothing to concern you about, just pack your
bags and let’s leave this place” She shoots at me.
I walk slowly and manage to pack the few things
I have removed from my bag. Then we hop into
the same car we came in and drive back to Accra. Being the judge and watching the silent drama
unfolding in the car makes me to realize that
something is wrong and they have been fighting
the whole night probably.
Madam Tawiah’s call flushes on my phone
instantly. I pick and she says she will need to see me immediately to identify some culprits she had
apprehended in her investigation. Wow, I am
happy kind of. I feel relief that those bastards are
finally caught but my parent’s drama didn’t bring
the best of smiles to my face. I want to speak
with them separately to find out what is going on. As soon as we get home, mom steps out from the
car and shuts it violently behind her. I want to talk
to her but my anxiety as well to go to the station
and identify those culprits’ rings on my mind. I
end up telling my father that I would be right
back, need to check on something immediately. I take the keys from him and drive to the station.
*************
Madam Tawiah is shocked as to how I get there in
a matter of just minutes. “Well, I guess it won’t
be a bad idea to have an eye to eye contact on my
enemy. The one who took my sense of womanhood and the one whom my blood would
always fight for revenge.”
“You don't have to be dramatic about this besides
there is nothing you can do even if you find the
culprits as it is now in the hands of the law to
judge them accordingly and not putting the laws on your hands.”
“Well, I don't care; I will do what I have harbored
in my heart for and surrender myself to the
authorities at the end” I snap.
Madam Tawiah can’t say anything but watches
me closely and shakes her head. She quickly takes the landline on her desk and makes a call to the
front desk and tells one of the constables to bring
the culprits to her office. I can feel my hands
shaking as I just want to point that rapist to
Madam Tawiah and have him persecuted for the
dangerous things he has done to me. I hear some sounds as they drag them into the office.
“Get inside” says the constable.
I turn my neck to watch from their legs to their
head. They are five men looking so wretched and
soaked in stench. I can’t have a proper view so I
quickly stand up and face them squarely and scan their faces one by one.I turn my neck to watch from their legs to their head. They are five men looking so
wretched and soaked in stench. I can’t have a proper view so I quickly stand up and face
them squarely and scan their faces one by one but they all look unfamiliar.
“Madam Tawiah?” I call out with a flustered face.
“Yes, do you recognize anyone?” She asks. I stand still and watch their faces again but still they all looked alien to me.
“I don’t know these people Madam Tawiah”
“Constable, take them back to their cells,” She commands.
He drags them out again back to their cells as the awful smell gradually fades out in the
room. I take my seat.
“Madam Tawiah, who are these people?” “Those men were caught from an act of gang rape which happened at Tema safe bond
last week. The news went viral on the social media”
“Yes, I heard. They deceive their prey and eventually do their abominable act to their
victim”
“Now concerning your case” I look more attentive to her next words.
“I have been to Tema yacht club and even made an arrest. We arrested the managing supervisor of the club but he was released on bail”
I clench my fist on the table and yell, “You did what.”
“Calm down Merissa. We simply had no evidence against him; the man was clean like a
dove”
“How clean? What do you mean Madam Tawiah,” I ask in disbelief. “Yes Merissa, the man was clean. I went with my team of forensics and a team of special
intelligence. We searched through the CCTV data feed and we couldn’t find the video to
that ‘day’ incidence.”
“Bastards, they must have wiped everything clean. They knew we would come for their
ass.”
“We even checked their register to find out the guest that was invited to the party but it was as though everything was a scheme well planned from onset. I am actually left with
no clue at this juncture but we shall always put our ears to the ground for any news that
could flush in.”
I heaved a deep sigh.
At this point, I am desolate and want to give up on this search but Madam Tawiah is
positive that those culprits will be apprehended. She adds that those criminals don’t relent on their past deeds, they continue until they are finally caught. I leave her office
and head straight home.
I am surprised to what I see at home; the entire building in chaos. I hear creaking sound
of glasses thrown at the floor and shattering into pieces. The sound becomes even
louder as I approach the room where my parents are. As I get into the room, I try to
approach my father and ask what is going on but I almost got hit with a glass that is meant to hit my father. I duck to the incoming glass being thrown at me else my head
would have been cracked wide open. “Mom, what is going on? Dad, please what is going?” I ask with my hands raised in the
air and with a shock labeled on my face.
They all gaze at me, the only daughter they had is watching them fighting; a child that is
born from the love they both shared. The love is now no more. My father looked
miserable as all I can see is pathos in his eyes trying to beg for forgiveness from my
mother but she also is in a pool of her own tears and pain. “Your father is cheating with another woman. That is the problem” She shouts.
I raise my eyebrow. It can’t be true. My father won’t do such a thing. He has always
shown how much he misses my mother via our conversation while he was at abroad. “What do you mean mother?” Wishing my mother could just smile and tell me all these
were just a prank.
“Your father’s secretary is his bed mate” I fell to the ground with an ashen brunt in my
heart. My mother begins screaming to my father to leave the house and not to ever come back
again. I amble back downstairs looking dreadful. Just when I thought everything was perfect; this hullabaloo springs up from nowhere. In
all to say, my father didn’t sleep in the house that night. He spent the night at a hotel and
that was where I went to see him and took cooked food along and this continued for
two weeks. He finally traveled back to UK to check on his business. I saw him off to the Airport and told mom about his departure but she didn’t even care less.

>>

It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.

~ Lou HoltzRelated

Na Mahfileh Azeeb Hai Na Manzar Azeeb Hai;

Usne Nigahon Se Jo Chalaya Wo Khanjar Azeeb Hai;

Na Dubne Deta Hai Na Nikalne;

Uski Nigaho Ka Ye Samandar Azeeb Hai!Related

Empty stomach [Read it]


AKPOS: I've got a stomach ache.


MUM: That's because you haven't eaten and your stomach is empty, so it hurts.


AKPOS: Now I know why daddy has headaches all the time. His head must be empty too.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-02 12:29:26

97 Views





The following conversation ensued between Akpos and Cynthia:

Cynthia: I hate my bank!

Akpos: Why?

Cynthia: They’ve been frustrating all day. I was in the bank all day trying to withdraw, but they did not give me any money!

Akpos: It’s like my uncle always said, never trust banks because they get robbed.

Cynthia: Is your Uncle a banker?

Akpos: No. He is a BANK ROBBER!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-27 14:41:18

250 Views



Little girls [Read it]


Little akpos ran and asked his mum.'mummy is little girls born babies?'.his mother said no 'of course not'.then akpos ran out and went 2 a little girl she said 'no' lets play d game again


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-05 00:25:01

674 Views



Degree [Read it]


I was buying slice bread at d junction while waiting for change, I saw a woman with a little child, the child was walking a bit faster than the woman and the woman shouted "Degree wait for me", I was so amazed hearing that name, I walk closer to the woman and said "ma, why do you call this child degree?, The woman laughed and said "I sent her mother who is my daughter to the University and this is the certificate she brought back for me"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-09-28 10:00:20

261 Views




Chat between a white girl and her boyfriend:


BOY: Honey
GIRL: Yes sugar.
BOY: What are you wearing?
GIRL: A cute pink shirt, a pair of denims, and the pink sandals I got at the mall.
BOY: Aww ain't that cute? Can't wait to see my baby.


Chat between a Nigerian girl and her boyfriend:


BOY: Baby.
GIRL: Ehn?!
BOY: What are you wearing today?
Girl: Hahan! See question. Cloth of course. Mtchew!
BOY: Sorry didn't mean to annoy you. What exactly are you wearing?
GIRL: I said cloth or are you deaf? Wait, do I have to tell you everything I do? What's all these....
BOY: (angrily drops his phone


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-15 20:40:09

231 Views




Santa to his friend’s son, “Where have you been for the last 4 years?

“At college, taking medicine.”

Santa: And did you finally get well?Related

Can you raed tihs? Olny srmat
poelpe can. I cdnuolt blveiee
taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was
rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at
Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it
deosn't mttaer in waht oredr
the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht
the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses
and you can sitll raed it
wouthit a porbelm. Isn't tihs so
wreid? I tnhik it is the wreidset
tnihg on Ertah! If you can raed tihs, rwitre in
the rgiht way i
#BOLLYSneh™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-17 00:50:44

356 Views




Uske Chale Jaane Ke Baad;

Hum Mohabbat Nahi Karte Kisi Se;

Ek Choti Si Zindagi Hai;

Kis-Kis Ko Aazmate Rahenge!Related

Motion Sickness [Read it]


Santa and Banta are discussing the possibility of love. “I thought I was in love three times,” Santa says.
“Thought…?” Banta asks. “What do you mean?”
“Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me,” Santa says.
“Wasn’t that love?” Banta asks.
“No, that was obsession,” Santa explains. “Then two years ago, I cared very deeply for an attractive woman who didn’t understand me.”
“Wasn’t that love?” asks Banta.
“No, that was lust,” Santa replies. “And just last year, I met a woman while I was on a cruise. She was gorgeous, intelligent, a great conversationalist and had a super sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her on that ship, I would get a very strange sensation in the pit of my stomach.”
“Well, wasn’t that love,” asks Banta.
“No. That was motion sickness!” Santa replies.Related

Akpos stuck his head into a barber
shop and asked, "How long before I
can get a haircut?"
.
The barber looked around the shop
full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." .
Akpos left. A few days later Akpos
stuck his head in the door again and
asked, "How long before I can get a
haircut, The barber looked around at the shop and
said, "About 3 hours." Akpos left. .
A week later akpos came into the
shop and asked, "How long before I
can get a haircut?" .
The barber looked around the shop
and said, "About an hour only." The akpos left.
.
The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey,Kufure,
do me a favour.
Follow that guy and see where he
goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut but then he
doesn't ever come back. "
. A little while later, he returned to the
shop, laughing hysterically.
.
The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves?"
.. Kufure looked up, tears in his eyes
and said, "To your wife."#AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-12 08:59:17

242 Views




Teacher: When crude oil was N119 per barrel, we buy petrol
for N97 per litre
Now that crude oil is N49 per barrel with all other things
being equal, what is the expected price of petrol per litre?

Jonathan: N87.
Its inversely proportional.

Teacher: Pls who award PhD to this man who doesn't know
simple arithmetic?

Teacher: buhari what is d answer?

Buhari: sir, the only items that change is frice, so our
change pormular is;
If N119 changed to N49
Then N97 will CHANGE to N27
its directly puropurotional fa

Teacher: But they said u don't have certificate?

Buhari: it's a simpuru arithmetic fa, even market woman can
solve it. I don't need a certificate to solve that.

Teacher: Chai chai..... we need CHANGE

Abeg who mumu pass
T, J or B



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-19 07:06:11

146 Views



Akpos ATM Card [Read it]


Akpos wanted to use his ATM
card but
the machine
kept on rejecting the card.
A frustrated
Akpos called
his bank help line.
Akpos : (angrily) So what's
wrong
with my ATM card.
Call girl : Sir, I have checked your
account, everything
is alright here and You should be
able
to use your
card, are you sure your card is
not
damaged or broken?
Akpos : Are you insane? What are
You
insinuating? No
one takes good care of their ATM
card
like I do.
Call girl : Okay Sir, are you also
sure the
surface isn't
wet or stained with dirt?
Akpos : You dey mad? ATM card
whey
I dey pet like
egg. As a matter of fact, I even
laminated it last week
when I laminated my Identity
card.

One word for akpos


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-05 19:49:00

277 Views




For a long time Akpos
has been battling with a
leak in his roof. One
night there was a very
heavy down pour, he
had to move from one
corner of his house to
the other to avoid drops
from his roof. This
made him have
sleepless night. The
next morning he decided
to fix his roof, after
scouting for ladder in his
neighbourhood, he tried
to climb to the roof.
Climbing wasn't easy,
he panted and sweated
but successfully climbed
to the roof, as he was
about to fix the
damage, he heard a
knock on his door. He
yelled from the top of
his voice; "who is that?"
A tattered looking
beggar showed up at
the ground and said,
"excuse me, can I see
u?" Akpos asked "what
is it you want to tell
me?" The beggar
said,"just spare me one
minute". Akpos climbed
back to the ground,
looking tired and asked
"what can I do for you?"
The beggar said "can u
give me N20?" Akpos
thought for a while and
said "FOLLOW ME". The
two of them started
climbing to the roof,
panting and gasping for
breath, they got to the
roof, after panting for
one minute Akpos
turned to the beggar
and said "I DON'T HAVE"
.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-10 01:12:35

727 Views




Teacher: Why are you rubbing oil on your head while I am teaching?

Pappu: Last night, I heard my mum tell my dad, rub oil on the head if it\’s not going in.Related

It been two days after the encounter of dora and maxwell,so dora decided to pay amara a visit,Amara just closed from the office and was about to open the door of her car when suddenly dora drove in and almost hit her with her car,amare was scared at the same time angry, dora parked her car and came down,at seeing her Amara started shouting at her.

Amara :are you out of your mind,you almost hit me with your car

Dora was smiling looking at amara, and amara was wondering why the smile on her face,she should be apologising not smiling at her.

Dora :well I really meant to do that and you are so lucky i didn't break your legs

Amara was shocked and surprise at her reply

Amara :you meant to do that

Dora ignore her question

Dora :you must be Amara

Amara :and who the hell are you

Dora:call me Dora,the fiancee to chidi,the man you are having an affair with.

Amara remembered the name ,chidi has mentioned it to her,she just laughed in hearing her call herself his fiancee.

Amara :really

Dora :yeah,and i have come to warn you to stay away from him if you know what's good for you,stop wasting your time with him cause he won't marry you.

Amara :why can't I just believe you

Dora f course you won't believe me and i don't even care what you believe,but I am telling you to back off before you get yourself hurt,i and chidi have come a long way even before you came into the picture so don't think we are just knowing ourselves now,we love eachother so much and we are going to get married very soon,i didn't intend to come to nigeria because he promised to come back to me when he is done here but I found out the a good for nothing girl is trying to find a place in his heart,i won't want that to happen that's why I came down to nigeria, come on take a good look at yourself do you think you and chidi will ever be compatible, you are too low for his class,his parents won't even look at you so baby girl wake up,you and chidi can never be,so do yourself a favour and stay away from him.

Amara was affected by her words but she holded on the tear that was gathering in her eyes and she try not to be moved by her words,she won't let this so call dora intimidated her,she has to fight back,with anger in her voice she spoke to dora.

Amara :look i don't care who you are and i don't want to know whatever you and chidi are having, that's none of my business, you came here warning me to stay away from your man when the first thing for you to do is to learn how to keep your man so he won't come running to me,if he is your fiancé just like you said then maybe you are not working hard to keep him,if you know what is good for you,try to stay away from me cause the next time you will try to do this again i will mess with you,it observed he sees nothing in you so that's why he is coming to a low class girl like me,you say you are the all and mighty but a good for nothing girl is taking your precious man away from you how do that sound, now get out of my face you idiot, nonsense.

This got dora so angry,she won't take it from Amara how can she talk back at her,she was so angry that she gave Amara a slap, amare held her cheek with her palm,she couldn't believe what just happened

Dora :how dare you talk to me like that,do you know who I am.

Amara tryed to clam herself because she couldn't want to cause any scene

Amara :if you think I will reply your slap i won't,i won't behave like the mad woman that you are,but I will must sure chidi never look your way ever again.

Dora :i do hope you know how to play with fire cause I will burn you alive.

Amara :you are already burning in hell

Amara opened her car door and entered, she closed the door and drove off,dora was so angry at amara,she knew talking will not make her bend,she has to use something else,Amara couldn't hold the tear in her eyes,she cried so bitterly as she drive, so many things was in her head and things that needed answers,she drove to chidi company ,chidi was already driving out of the company building when their cars meant, chidi was surprise and happy to see amara, he never expected to see her,he reparked his car and came down, amare did the same, he walked down to amara,

Chidi :Amara you didn't tell me you were coming,

Amara :just hold it please

From the tone of amara chidi knows something was wrong.

Chidi :what is the problem

Amara :tell me the truth chidi who is dora really to you

Chidi was confused at the question

Chidi :who is dora to me

Amara :don't look at me like that,i need answers,why did you lied to me

Chidi :i didn't lie to you,everything i told you are ture,i have nothing to do with her only the fate that my parents wants me to marry her,that's all

Amara :what am I till doing if your parents has already found someone better for you to marry

Chidi:amara

Hold her hands

Chidi :don't talk like this it is you and on one else, whatever you heard please don't let that get into your head.

Amara :i didn't hear she told me herself that both of you have been dating for long now and ....

Chidi interrupted her

Chidi :what,you mean she told you this herself, when

Amara :few minutes ago,at my work

Chidi :look all are lies okey,it just one of her way to try and get me to look her way,please just trust me,i will do nothing to harm you.

Amara :i love you chidi,i really do,promise me you won't leave me

Chidi huged her,he understands what she was going through, he was so angry at dora for making amara be like this,

Chidi :i won't leave you for anything in the world ,i love you more okey

They huged for sometime before they separate, amare was now feeling more better then before,she feel relaxed now.

Amara :i should be going home now,i really need to rest.

Chidi key,as soon as I get home i will come see you,now i want to see that smile

Amara laughed

Chidi :that's my baby,later then

Amara key,love you

Chidi :love you more

They both kissed and amara drove off,chidi angryly entered his car and headed home,when he got home he entered the sitting room and saw dora sitting in the couch watching movie,chidi walked up to her.

Chidi :what did you tell Amara

Dora:is that why you are shouting at me

Chidi:if you don't start talking i swear I will cut off your tongue

Dora saw the seriousness in his eyes,she felt a little bit scared

Dora :well I only told her what every woman that is in love will say,i told her to stay away from you,i did it because I love you.

Chidi :will you stup up,how dare you go to meet her,what for,and come to think of it how did you know her and where she works

Dora :i have my ways around

Chidi :you know your way around, i see

Dora got up trying to subdue him,

Dora :what do you even see in her,she is nothing,nothing to be boost of

Just then chidi gave her a slap that send her falling on the couch,she scearmed in pain holding her cheek.

Chidi:next time you talk about her like that i will make sure you regret it and don't you ever go close to her again, do you understand

He hold her on her neck

Chidi :do i make myself clear

Dora was scared

Dora :yes I understand

Chidi left her and walked upstairs, dora was so scared, she had never say chidi like that and didn't know chidi had such a temper,she quickly got up and went to her room to call maxwell to inform him on what happened, she sat on the bed and dialed maxwell number, maxwell picked up after the second time of ringing.

Maxwell :what's up

Dora with a low tone

Dora :maxwell.


***TO BE CONTINUED ***

DROP YOUR COMMENTS AND
CONTINUE NEXT EPISODE

>>

Angela put one hand to her chest as she walked
to her daughter.
She joined Adaeze on the bed and held her. ‘How
are you, my dear?’
‘Fine,’ Adaeze said.
‘Loretta called me, I was so scared.’
‘Mum, why didn’t you tell me?’
Angela turned slightly away, as if stabbed by the
question.
‘What you and your friend did is inhumane, how
were you able to sleep each night with such a
huge secret weighing down on your spirit?’
Angela shook her head. ‘No, my dear, you must
understand that Margaret is not a bad woman.’
‘Really?’ Adaeze said. ‘She was selling other
people’s babies. She was exploiting her office in
the most callous way.’
‘No,’ Angela said. ‘She was only helping the
girls.’
‘Helping you dare say, mum?’
‘Yes.’
‘How?’
‘My dear, you may not know this but there was a
time teenage pregnancy was an unforgivable
taboo. Parents disown their daughters for it. What
would you rather she did when they come to her
begging and crying?’
‘There would have been other ways, mum, I’m
sure. There must be.’
‘What other ways?’ Angela said. ‘Allow them
abort? That’s even more inhumane.’
Adaeze stared at her mother now.
Angela took her hand. ‘Please, my dear, you must
stop seeing her as evil. She is a good woman.
Always has been.’
‘You are just saying that because you are a
beneficiary of her corruption too.’
‘No. She was the only friend I ever had. She was
like a sister to me. She stayed faithful all
through.’
Angela paused on a breath. ‘Adaeze, I’ve not
always been this cold and uncaring person you
know; there was a time I was weak, afraid of
things, confused. She was always there for me.’
Adaeze only stared.
Angela gripped her hand a little tighter. ‘My dear,
please, believe me that woman has been nice to
me more than anyone else I ever know.’
‘What of dad, was he not used to be nice to you
too?’
Angela nodded. ‘He was,’ she said. ‘I loved him
and he loved me too. But your father is a stiff
man, Adaeze. He doesn’t bend.’
‘What do you mean by that?’
‘On the outside of him, it is easy to see a happy
friendly creature, yet there was that part of him
that remains hidden. Concealed and scary. I lived
with him with both love and fear. But your coming
brought a softness to him that was very
endearing. For once I felt so much at home with
the man I married.’
‘Then what happened?’
‘Some weeks after my delivery, I noticed a painful
swelling at my lower abdomen. All the
examinations carried out revealed a terrible news.
I became scared once again. I desperately wanted
to keep things the way I loved them to be.’
‘He is your husband, why couldn’t you have
talked to him?’
‘I was deeply concerned about the outcome of a
conversation like that. When the doctor told me, I
begged him to allow me tell him myself. But I
never did.’
‘You were afraid he would change if he knew.’
Angela stared at her daughter and then nodded.
A period of silence passed.
‘Who is Ekene’s true mother?’ Adaeze asked. ‘Do
you know?’

>>

Hip Hop Style Confession:

Among life’s precious jewels;

Genuine and rare;

The one that we call friendship;

Has worth beyond compare.Related

So there are three boys called: Shut Up, Manners, and Poo. Poo goes to the well to collect some water but he felt in the well.

Manners goes to the well to try to help Poo out, while Shut Up goes to the police station to get help.

Police: “What is your name?”
Shut Up: “Shut up.”
Police: “Where is your manner?”
Shut Up: “Down the well picking up Poo.”


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-11 11:02:17

355 Views



lolz [Read it]


if you are in this shoe what will you do







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-02-20 13:21:10

659 Views




Written by Snakie86,
([email protected])…

Me: Please am very sorry, its not what you
think baby
Biola: What do u mean its not what i think?
U think am a fool
Me:Am very sorry baby
Biola: Keep your sorry to yourself, Its all
over
Me: ‘’’’crying’’’’’’Ahhh…..please don’t do
like that baby, don’t let it be over..i never
meant to hurt u baby..remember we have
come a long way to let it be over right now
Biola:u never meant to hurt me? Did i just
hear u say that after you take me for a
fool? U didn’t think about all the sacrifices
we have made, u never thought of our
plans….u never thought of what we have
built together……Never thought you will do
this again but i think its better it happened
this way and i can easily say good bye right
now before things get out of hand
Me: I understand how u feel baby
Biola: u don’t understand anytyn dear…u
don’t..if u did, u wouldn’t have tried it in
the first place……My dear, u can never be
sorry for what you did intentionally……….
Me: believe me it wasn’t intentional baby…
am very sorry, without you my life is
nothing baby
Biola: Did u just say that? Please you need
to take your leave right now or else i will
embarrass you here now
Me: Please don’t do that baby..we can talk
this over dear…please don’t throw all we
built away
Biola: Whats it we built? The one u already
threw away ursef….mr man, please leave my
house right now or i embarrass you which i
know you wont like……’’shouting’’….snakie
leave, i said you should leave right now….
Me: its okay…..am very sorry baby, please
find a place in ur heart to forgive me baby
“Pushed me out and door slammed”
………………………Waoh, is this the end after
3years? I cant believe am losing everything
within a month.
“FLASH BACK EXACTLY SIX WEEKS AGO”
It was a bright Wednesday morning when i
decided to make a trip down to Lasu to
process my transcript for onward
forwarding to my employer. i left home as
early as 7am and i got to Lasu around
7:45am, straight i went to Faculty of
Management Sciences(FMS) which was my
faculty where i graduated from. The faculty
premises has changed a bit as there was
new structure behind FMS which i learnt is
being use for lectures and also a new
structure directly opposite FMS which they
said is social science faculty.
School was scanty as there was no much
activities, the campus marshal were in front
of the faculty entrance, i greeted them and
made my way to the first floor which was
the faculty office but to my dismay, the
offices were still locked. The first thing that
came to my mind was “this civil servant
sha, they are not in the office by this time,
when will they come now”…….
I met a tall fair lady around the corridor
and greeted her…..
Me: Good Morning….
Lady: Good Morning……
Me: Please when do u think this people will
be around
Lady: Sincerely, i don’t know…..am also
waiting for them
Me: datz serious………civil servant are
always enjoying…coming late to office most
times
Lady: Abi…..
Me: Thanks….
Lady: You welcome………


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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??????? ?? 2 ??????? ???:

????: ?????? ????
?????: ???? ?????? ????? ?? ?? ??? ?? ?????? ????? Related

He knew her bride price had been paid and also who had paid it.

But he did not care. He was his enemy after all.

He’d seen her pass on her way to the tap, but he waited till she was coming back up, now burdened with her filled yellow jerry can.

She sang happily as she approached; she had seen her JAMB result earlier that afternoon. 292 was her score. She will get the admission, she was almost sure.

After looking at the result slip for many minutes, as if to be sure the 292 really meant her exam score and nothing else, her father had shaken her hand like she was a man his age before hugging her.

Her mother hugged her too and in that her self-possessed manner of not always acting so surprised towards things like that about her, said, ‘Obulozi ada mu? Is it not my daughter again?’

Now the boy jumped out of the bush to her front.

‘Jesus!’ she screamed, startled.

‘Kpoo ya ozo!’ Ozoemena crossed his arms on his chest.

She scowled at him. ‘Ozoemena, what is it?’

He ignored her.

‘What is it?’ She wanted to go the other way and he quickly moved in and blocked her again.

‘Ozoemena!’ She looked back. The narrow ezi-ama path was as lonely as it always were. She wished now she had followed the other road that was wider and better used.

‘Ozoemena, let me pass now!’ Lines have appeared on her forehead.

‘Taa! Pass where?’

‘Heey! I will shout o!’

‘Shut up!’

‘Ozoemena!’

‘Ada ojoo!’

‘Ozoemena!’

‘Ada ojoo!’

She tried to go the other direction and he followed her again.

‘Ozoemena!’ I will shout o! People o…’

‘If I hear pim eh?’

‘What will you do?’

‘Ok, continue asking me question. Let me hear pim from you, ordinary pim and you will know if you will get to your father’s house whole.’

Her forehead creased further. Her neck hurt badly from the weight of the jerry can. ‘Ozoemena, what did I do to you? Eh, what?’

‘Are you asking me?’ He stared at her face. ‘Do you want to cry?’ He began to laugh. ‘You see your life now? Shebi that time you were following Obinna around like ijiji na eso nsi [flies running after faeces], insulting everybody as if you are a god, it didn’t occur to you that a day like this will come eh? That one day he would leave, abi?’

‘Ozoemena, let me pass na. Oya, please!’

‘He-he! Did I just hear please? Adaku Onochie said please? I must be dreaming.’

He made to look back.

She tried to run, but he caught her by the hand and drew her back.

Her jerry can fell in the process. The water-filled container thumped hard on the baked ground, bounced a few times but did not break.

She quickly bent and straightened it. She rose and shot him an ugly scowl. ‘Ozoemena Mbachu, what do you want?’

He shrugged. ‘Just two things. Two things!’

‘What?’

‘First, you have to go on your knees now, and then—’

Her laughter made him pause.

She clapped her hands. ‘Me, Adaku? You want me, Adaku Onochie, ofu ada Onochie, to go down on my knees for you? Inukwa! Nke gini jiri me, what are you?’

‘Ok. I can see you have not changed.’ He thrust his palm to her face.

‘Jesus! You slapped me, Ozoemena?’

‘Mka kabu mbido—this is just the beginning.’

She dived into him, head first. ‘You slapped me eh? You must kill me today!’

‘Hey-hey-hey, who is beating my brother’s wife?’ Uzo and his friend, Jideobi, were running out of the bush, their catapults swinging on their necks.

They came close and Jideobi flung the two squirrels they’d killed aside.

‘Boys, leg,’ Ada said to them.

The boys grabbed Ozoemena’s legs and the next minute he was on the ground. Adaku balanced on him as they held down his hands.

He wriggled underneath them.

Adaku was feeding him with sand and leaves when she heard, ‘Ogini! What is going on there?’

‘Uzo, now!’ she said.

The little boy fell to the ground and started to cry. His friend knelt beside him, pretending to be helping him.

Now Ichie Dumije was close. ‘What is happening here?’ he asked again.

On his shoulder was the long palm frond he’d cut for his goats. His in-curved machete was clasped in his right hand.

Adaku drew in a sobbing breath. ‘Nnaa, we were just returning from the tap when Ozoemena ambushed us and started beating us.’

Dumije turned to Ozoemena. He was wiping his face and spitting. ‘Nwokem, is that true?’

‘Ichie, don’t mind them o! They have been the ones beating…’ he abruptly paused, ashamed to finish up.

‘Ehen, continue.’ Dumije may have wondered why he looked dirtiest.

‘Ichie, nothing,’ Ozoemena said, finally.

Dumije stared at him. ‘Ozoemena! Ozoemena, so you have not changed? I thought that after Igwe’s warning that you have finally decided to change.’

‘I have changed, Ichie.’

‘Taa!’ Dumije barked. ‘Ngwa, gbafuo—disappear!’

Ozoemena started to walk away.

‘Ifulo,’ Dumije was saying, ‘okpukpu azu—fish bone—yet he won’t allow the entire village to rest.’

Ozoemena turned and Adaku flashed him a tongue. She smiled at the boys.

Dumije turned to her and she quickly cleared her face.

‘Hope you are okay?’ Dumije asked.

Ada nodded. ‘Yes, Ichie. You came in just on time to save us.’

‘Ngwa, you all can go now. Always be careful, inugo.’

She nodded again. ‘Thank you, Nnaa,’ she said.

‘Thank you, Ichie,’ the boys chorused.

Adaku bent to carry her water.

‘Do you need help?’ Dumije asked.

‘No, Nnaa, I can carry it.’ She put back her aju, lifted the yellow can and balanced its side on her head.

‘Greet your father,’ Dumije said as they began walking away.

***

In Lagos, business blossomed the first few months.

The boys made enough money to repair the TV, buy another stove, some pots and change the carpet. They also bought a sheet for the bed.

The first time Obinna cooked, egwusi soup, Ahanna had teased him that he should have been born a woman instead. He told him that not even Ego, his sister, could cook that well.

The hundred and twenty thousand rent money was complete now too.

They couldn’t wait for the landlord to return. He’d travelled to Ibadan to see his other tenants. Obinna wondered if any one of them owed him rent like them too.

His relationship with Ore had also blossomed.

The first time she’d touched him, inside the room, he’d gently pushed her hand off and quietly left the room for her.

The second time, a week or so later, he took the trespassing hand, held it tight and told her to listen.

She obeyed and after he drew closer and narrated to her all about his wife in the village, she nodded, smiled and told him she understood.

She also told him his wife was lucky and he smiled, and felt extremely good within.

Slowly, their relationship melted into a platonic sweetness.

He stopped being afraid each time he was alone with her. They played together and joked often.

She taught him how to say ekaro, ekaso and ekale. How to eat Agege bread and ewa by first turning the ewa and oil sauce into a smooth brown paste.

He tried it and liked it.

He told her to always say odi mma whenever he asked her kedu?

She helped him write his second letter to Ada. That evening, she told him to cancel the ‘I Miss You’ he’d written at the end of the letter and write something like ‘Thinking Of You Always’ instead.

He didn’t understand her reason, but he’d agreed.

She also told him to draw something on the letter, a funny image he was sure would make her laugh.

He hummed and turned his eyes up in thought.

He finally drew two chicken legs on the paper and wrote underneath it, ‘How is Nkoli doing?’

‘What is Nkoli?’ Ore asked him.

‘She will understand,’ he said, smiling.

***

Ahanna first told him about Okechukwu and his business deal on a Saturday night.

They had just finished eating and were lying on the bed, their eyes to the ceiling, waiting for NEPA.

He’d found something fishy about the deal—buying bags of baking powder that has surprisingly gone scarce in the market—but he’d agreed, majorly because Ahanna sounded very excited about it, and the fact that he really did not know much about Lagos and its deals.

More relieving, they were not to pay the hundred and sixty thousand naira immediately. They would pay in parts, comfortably spread over three months.

Okey had said they should follow him to the market to confirm, but that Chief was a very honest man.

That he’d imported the powder by mistake and now he wanted to help people with it, young people like them who needed help. Young people struggling to make it in Lagos.

They’d gone to Alaba with him with a small sample of the powder—a smooth, sweet-smelling white dust.

A man was ready to pay N150, 000 for one bag immediately if they had come along with it.

Since people discovered the powder could be used for so many other things other than baking, it had disappeared entirely from the market— the man told them.

He took the small sample they brought and gave them N10, 000.

***

The next day was Sunday.

They followed Ore to her church— The Redeemed.

Before Obinna’s coming, Ahanna used to attend Miracle Mountain Ministries in Isolo, the pastor was called Pastor Sharp-Sharp, from the quick-working nature of his prayers.

But Ahanna stopped going after many months and nothing changed for him.

Pastor Sharp-Sharp was sluggish in his case.

He agreed for them to follow Ore to her church now that Obinna has come and it appeared God has finally remembered he existed.

Obinna liked the church, the way the choir sang Igbo and Yoruba versions of every song, as though a competition to find out the tribe that would out-dance each other.

He also liked the cold malt he drank as a ‘first-timer’.

Later in the evening, he was outside washing when a tall young man passed him, walking into the central corridor.

He had looked up to greet him, but discovered the man was not in the mood.

He seemed in a hurry.

He bent down to his bucket again, but he soon heard noises.




NAIRAJOKES.COM




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On a crowded bus, Banta noticed that Santa had his eyes closed. “What’s the matter? Are you sick?” he asked.
“No, I’m okay. It’s just that I hate to see old ladies standing”, replied Santa.Related

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and
asked his father when they could discuss his use of the
car.
His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring
your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible
a little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the
car."
The boy thought about that for a moment and decided
he'd settle for the offer. So they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've
brought your grades up and I've observed that you have
been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you
haven't had your hair cut." The boy said,
"You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've
noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long
hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long
hair... and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had
long hair.''
To which his father found just a brilliant answer, "Did
you also notice they were all walking everywhere they
went, not driving?



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-10 20:56:03

188 Views




When i came 2 town newly from d village, i was enrolled into primary 2 eventhough i couldn't speak or understand english.
One day, while our form mistress was in the class someone fouled the air.Quickly, she ran out of the class and ordered dat d windows be shut.She re-entered minutes later when the stench had subsidized and demanded d culprit submit himself.No one acquiensced.Being d olodo of d class, she always prejudiced me.so turning 2 me with her fiery eyes she demanded furiously, '' did u pollute the air?'' Not knowing what d word 'pollute' meant and coupled with d fact dat it sounded nice, i petrifyingly replied ''yes''.The whole class bursted out laughing even the wolf-like woman could nt resist laughing.It took me a considerable long time 2 forgive myself when i later learnt the meaning of the whole saga and the scenario dat followed.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-17 22:37:26

646 Views




My parent went to sleep in a hotel while Biola was with me at the hospital; It was not until around 10am when police came to the hospital, we were taken to the station where we met the DPO, statement was taken, it was a delight when they brought in SK, her arm was bandaged, she was looking a bit innocent and scared at the same time as she does not know what has been happening, the DPO asked “is she the one”?
I stood up and gave her a passionate hug, her reaction shows she was surprise
DPO: Is she the one?
Me: Yes…..they kidnapped us together in the same room, what happened to me Simbiat? How did i end up at the bush?
SK: I guess you were unconscious, so one of them checked you out and convince them that you were dead, and since their plan was to kill you before so they decided to go and throw you away, it was a serious argument between them because the one that certified that you are dead convinced them beyond reasonable doubt and there was no need to shoot you again but the flat one among them still maintained that they will still shoot you once they drop you…
Me: That is serious…
SK: They decided that i must follow them too so that i won’t run away, it was on our way going that they didn’t know there was robbery on the highway earlier so, police stopped their car but they didn’t wait…..they started chasing them until they find their way to the bush and thought they have escaped the police, immediately they brough you down from the booth, i shouted “snake, Snake” so i believe that was what caught the attention of the police that has been trailing them silently and they started shooting, i ran for my life as i saw that as opportunity to run away for my life
Me: Thank God for our lives ooooo………I never thought we will make it alive
SK: I thank God………..My parent thought i was in school for my clearance not knowing that have passed through death in the last one month
Me: Sir, can we go home together? (Facing the DPO)
DPO: Yes of course, we will continue with our own investigation..since you guys are in Lagos, you will still need to report to the state command and return whenever we need you guys because our investigation will still continue
Me: No Problem sir..
SK: We will always be available
After spending more than two hours at the station, we submitted our statement, signed some document and told that we are free to go. My dad was the one driving, mum was beside her while the remaining 3 of us was behind. I introduce Biola to Simbiat but i didn’t say much to her…
We got to Lagos by around 5pm, my mum took SK in to take her bath, Biola gave her new cloth to wear while i saw her off around 6pm
Me: Thanks so much SK
SK: Thanks to you too…i should be the one thanking you for saving my life
Me: How did i save your life? You did for me now
SK: what would have happened if you tell the police i was one of them? That means i will be the one to suffer for all our crimes
Me: What would have happened if you didn’t drug me?
SK: Well, we thank God for sparing our lives
Me: I was so glad i make it out alive
SK: Am so happy God is giving me a second chance…….I will never attempt bad behaviour in my life again
Me: Will you be able to pull out now?
SK: yes..its so easy now, Mary and Opa has been the one forcing me all this while
Me: see the way they ended their lives
SK: what would have happened to me if the bullet met me in another part of my body
Me: Uhmmmmm…i believe God spare your life for a purpose, but how did it happened?
SK: It happened just exactly the same way i explained at the hospital, I tried to convince them that you are dead that we shouldn’t gun you there as it will call people’s attention. The initial plan was to take you to a bush, push you out of the car then gun you but flaky still insisted that we gun you even when i confirmed to them that you are dead….
I was scared on our way going but so happy when we saw police at the check point, i was even the one that told Opa not to wait for them so that they can chase us which they eventually did, there was no snake bite, i had to shout so that police will locate us, i thought girls will surrender so that even if they arrest us, some of our baba alaye will come and bail us out until girls started shooting at the police and there was exchange of bullet here and there…..Girls were gone instantly
Me: waoh..that is serious
SK: I told the police that i was kidnapped by the ladies on our way going, i told them you are still lying in the bush and not dead but just unconscious, told them you need serious medical attention to revive you even though i needed urgent medical attention myself but your own life was so special because you don’t deserve to die like that
Me: But why didn’t you involve some of your baba alaye’s when they took you to the station?
SK: remember i told you i want to be free and opt out, i thought they will release me when i told them i was kidnapped but they said they still need to establish the truth as i was the only lead, they asked me for the house but i told them i don’t know the location because once i take them there, they might want to ask the locals if they know me and what will happen if those ones started telling them they always see me in company of my friends in the town most especially if they show them their pictures or they get to the house, laid their hands on some incrimating evidence that will implicate me
Me: waoh…you are too smart
SK: It was a relief when you told them that we were both kidnapped, i was so happy….i know news would have filtered everywhere now that girls have been killed so people might think have been killed too, i will just be on a low key, find a trusted ally to help me with my final clearance and mobilization then go for my NYSC
Me: That is very good dear, you can see that bad company doesn’t pay
SK: have learnt my lessons ooo
Biola: Uhmmmmmm…..so, this is what happened
Me: When did you come behind us? So, you have been hearing us
Biola: So, you are one of those girls abi..you are one of them (Raising her voice)
Me: Stop it now..she is the good one among them and if not for her, do you think you will see your husband alive? She was the one that drug me so that i can be unconscious and for them not to kill me..Thank God you heard most of our discussion..she is someone you should be thanking, i had to safe her from the police too since she risked her life to safe mine too..do you know that if her friends knew she gave me a drug to be unconscious, they will kill her even before killing me
Biola: Have heard you…bye bye aunty, thanks for what you have done, i just hope we are safe from your hand now and you won’t send your people to us again…
Me: stop it now Biola…..Dad, gave you some cash SK, i believe it will be enough to take you home, say me well to everybody when you get home please..I hope we can get to see again
SK: If God says so…Thank you very much Snakie
Me:Thanks to you too
Biola: Its okay, lets go inside….people that came to greet you are inside and you are outside here talking to a killer
Me: Please now Biola, lets this be between us abeg you for God sake…
Biola: We will still discuss this later
Me: No problem
Biola drag me inside, the look on her face was not the same again, i knew she had a lot of questions to ask me and i was not ready to lie to her either
It was late in the night when all visitors had gone, my parent had gone to bed, me and Biola were in the visitors room, i wanted to sleep but she wouldn’t allow me
Biola: so, what were the other things that happened there that you wouldn’t tell anybody…don’t lie to me because i know there were so many things
Me: Things like what? There was nothing baby…You have heard it all
Biola: heard what all? The same way i heard your discussion with Simbiat that she was one of the kidnappers
Me: ahn..Ahn…baby
Biola: so, i need to know other things that happened and don’t lie to me
Me: Why should i lie to you….nothing again really happened baby
Biola: what were the little things that remained? Did you have sex with her too
Me: yes baby because i had no choice, it was at gun point
Biola: I guess she enjoyed you and fell in love with you that was why she had to risk everything to safe your life so that she can be with you after all have been resolved
Me: ahn..ahn baby
Biola: Don’t baby me abeg……was that not the reason? That was why you had to defend her, lied to the police so that she won’t go to jail abi
Me:Not like that baby, I just felt that was the only thing i could do for her since she risked her own life too to safe mine
Biola: What if her other gang member started following you guys up knowing fully well she is not dead…..that means my own life is at risk, our life is at risk
Me: i trust her..she is going on a low key
Biola: you trust a killer? I think i should start watching my own back too
Me: believe me baby..its nothing, we are safe, nothing will happen to us again
Biola: You know you caused all this, all this is happening because of you
Me: Am very sorry for all the pain have made you pass through baby…please am very sorry, please forgive me
Biola: I just hope you are considering my safety sha
We argued about so many things that night, Biola was so particular about SK, i still tried to convince him there was no cause for alarm and begged her not to tell anybody even though she was not okay with it, she said she wouldn’t want anything to happen again and people will start saying why didn’t she say something at the initial stage.

To Be Continued...



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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She came to our market @new gbagi in a school uniform looked me into my eyes and said. . . ."sweetheat'm. Friday'm i have missed my periods................... . That's how i fainted ooo, & when i woke up in a hospital i ovar heard her telling a nurse that " i dn't know that he cared so much abt my acadamic life, all i wanted to tell him was that i had missed my period for maths and english inthe school . But he fainted before i could finish. . . . .hahahahahahaha. . . , . . . Chai guyz no dey talk or hear missing period ooo. #LÎM..¥


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-10 11:39:32

640 Views




It's been two weeks now that dora has been staying with the Jonathan's family, chidi tryed to always make out time to take dora out,as time passed he began to like her ,to him she wasn't bad after all,they could discuss on so many things,chidi always feel comfortable around Dora and loved her company,it was late in the night,chidi was already sleeping when he heard a knock on the door,he went to the door and opened it,he was so surprised to see dora standing in front of his door.

Dorasmiling )hi

Chidi:what are you doing here at this time of the night,you should be in your room

Dora :please can i come in

Chidi :sure

Chidi allowed her into his room and close the door he feel something was wrong but wouldn't place it.

Chidi :what is it

Dora :nothing really, i just can't sleep

Chidi :why

Dora :because am feeling lonely

Chidi:you are lonely

Dora :yes

Chidi :and you decided to come to my room

Dora:you are my friend right

Chidi:yes,and you are my guest, guest are not supposed to be seen in the room of the hosts,late in the night.

Dora walked close to chidi,giving him a seductive look,she held him round his neck, chidi already knew what she was trying to do but he let her have her way,

Dora :chidi,i want you to make love to me

Chidi looked at her in disgusted

Chidi :what did you just say

Dora :come chidi,i know you want me,and i want you more,don't you love me

Chidi smile and removed her hands round his neck

Chidi:i don't love dora,i only like you because you seems nice that's all

Dora felt sad

Dora :are you trying to tell me that you don't feel anything for me

Chidi:no,if it because of the way I spend time with you and the way we talk,come on that's nothing to me

Dora :chidi,i love you and i want you,i don't know why but I always think of you.

Chidi :dora,you are a nice girl and beautiful that every man would want to have but what you feel for me isn't want i feel for you,you are not even close to my heart.

Dora :are you trying to get me provoked

Chidi : why would I want to do that

Dora :cause I don't get you,are you trying to say all this time we have been together you don't feel anything for me.

Chidi :no i don't, my heart already belong to someone else

She got angry by those words and she slapped chidi

Dora :why will you say that to my face

Chidi was so shocked and the same time angry, dora was upset too,she has always gotten what ever she wanted and hate competition, chidi telling her that is like she have a raver.

Dora :that's what you men always do,when you see a lady that loves you,you people feel too proud to embrace her

Chidi :does that really warrant a slap,you came to my room to slap me,are you out of ypur mind.

They were trying to keep their voices low because they won't want anyone else to know what was going on.

Dora : out of my mind,well yes I am,i came down here with your parents because I felt something could work out between us and here you are telling me to my face that you belong to somebody ,i can't believe

Chidi :don't you see how stupid you are,how can you come to visit someone that doesn't even know you exit,well that your problem because I never asked for your love or your visit, so that's the reason my mum insist i spend more time with you, i knew it,even if i tryed to give a second thought of dating you believe me there's nothing that attracts me to you,with what you just did here,you look cheap to me,now get out of my room before i do something naughty and listen to me let this be the last time you will raise your hands on my face,now get out.

Dorasmile )no problem i will leave but just know it isn't over yet

She angryly left ,chidi locked his door

Chidi:what nerve,

Chidi went back to his bed,he couldn't believe what just happened, he was so disappointed with his mum,he was till thinking about the whole thing before sleep came knocking,

***********************
Chidi wake up in the morning, took his bath and left for work,he didn't bother to eat his breakfast,he has already forgotten what happened yesterday night but he has vowed to stay away from dora,there was a lot of work to do at the office,it was now lunch break,he left the office and headed down to his car,he drove down to one of the restaurant that was close to his office,he ordered for a plate of fried rice and chicken with a bottle of red wine,after eating he payed for the meal and went out,he was surprised to see maxwell resting on the door of his car,he slowly walk to him.

Chidi:why do I hold this surprise meeting and minded you,you are resting on my car

Maxwell smiled,got off from chidi car,maxwell didn't seen happy

Maxwell :chidi,i came to warn you to stay away from the relationship between i and amara....

Chidi interrupted him

Chidi :just hold it right there, you know the last time you payed me sure a visit i know what followed and i let it pass,don't try to make same mistake again because this time you won't have any idea what hit you,so if you don't have anything more to say you may excuse me.

Maxwell :nice speech,do you think am scared of your words to me it means nothing, i don't know your problem chidi, why are you always interfering on other people business, don't you get tried.

Chidi:no i don't, why should I get tried when am dealing with a devil like you,you are not good for amara and she has seen it,so what's there to talk about.

Maxwell raised his voice angryly

Maxwell :you are the one that is making things difficult for her,you are spoiling everything.

Chidi :you don't raise your voice at me

Maxwell :isn't that what you are doing tell me,you think you are giving her a life,you are not because you are only destroying her.

Chidi is now angry

Chidi :i wasn't the one that tryed to rape her you did, and you know what I don't need to force her to love me,she gave everything to me willingly, and i will hold on to her so tight this time,i won't allow you hurt her again,now leave my presence before you land yourself in the hospital bed again maybe this time you won't make it.

Maxwell :really so tell me, what will you do,come on hit me or better still kill me.

Chidi :if i wanted you dead ,you would have been gone long time ago.

Maxwell :well that will make us even

Chidi :i might be alot of things but am nothing like you,you are a devil and you don't know the meaning of love and peace and i thank God that amara has know you for what you really are.

Maxwell :you feel you have won,but tell amara that she can go to anywhere she want to but she can't hide from me i will get her,and if i don't have her no one will that includes you

Chidi :don't try anything stupid maxwell, don't you dare lay your finger on amara, this is a warning you really don't know what am capable of doing,if anything happens to amara your whole family will hear from me

Maxwell :are you trying to.....

Chidi interrupted him again

Chidi :am telling you what I can do,be warned

He opened his car,entered and drove off,maxwell was angry, he didn't care about what chidi said,he was determined to get amara back.

**********************
Amara is no longer living with her parents,she has even stop visiting them and this got Mrs uche worried, she went to mrs ada Marcus house,they both sat at the sitting room with two glass of juice in front of them,Mrs uche looked upset.

******to be continued *****

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