Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Teacher: Who is a pharmacist?

Akpos raised up his hand.

Teacher: So it’s only Akpos that can tell who a pharmacist is in this class? So there is no body else to answer the question except Akpos?

(There was no reply from the students)

Teacher: Ok now Akpos, use this cane and give everybody ten strokes of the cane each….

Akpos: Excited, Akpos gave each student ten hot strokes of cane….

Teacher: Now, my dear Akpos tell this dumb students who a pharmacist is…
Akpos: Yes, sir. A Pharmacist is a farmer who assists people.

Akpos is now on admission at the State hospital.




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-06 09:21:33

281 Views



Our Bed !!! [Read it]


At a small parish in rural England there lived a priest, and several nuns. One day, one of the older nuns was noticing that the rugs in the church were beginning to fray.
She went to the priest and told him, “Father, I believe your rugs need to be replaced soon.”
The priest thanked her for bringing it to his attention, and told her that he thought that she had been there long enough to refer to church property as ‘our’ not ‘your.’
Several days later, the same nun noticed that the hedge needed to be trimmed.
She again went to the priest and told him, “Father, I’ve noticed that your…I mean our hedge needs to be trimmed.”
The priest thanked her for again bringing something to his attention and this time asked her if she had seen his watch that had gone missing. She said she hadn’t, but assured him she would look for it.
A few days later the parish received word that the bishop would be coming for a visit. The entire parish was busy readying the church for the visit.
On the day the bishop arrived, the same nun came down the front stairs yelling, “Father! Father! I found your watch!”
The bishop said, “How wonderful my child. Where did you find it?”
After saying hello to the bishop, the nun turned to the priest and said, “I found it under OUR bed.”tempRelated

A Man Was Fond Of Watchin Is Wife Bcoz Of Nt 2 Be Taking/bein Sex Wit Another Man.One Nite His Wfe Fone D Man Pik It 2 Se Wu Caled Her,Bt It Was A Man Voice D Man Was Angry Nd Said Wu His Dis In A Very Angry Voice.The Man Said 4rm Wu Want 2 B Millionare,Dat Her Frnd Was About 2 Win 200,000.D Man Said Wake Ur Wife,So D Man Wake His Wife Nd Explain.So D Woman Said Am On D Lne.D Man Ask Wen Ar U Cmin (a)2:00pm (b)3:00pm (c)1:00pm (d)4:00pm D Woman Ans (C)1:00pm. So Wu Is D Ful Among Dem. Nd Y


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-19 20:13:29

656 Views




The heart speaks a language the mind can not even hear, let alone understand.Related

MY DARK PAST(LAST CHAP.10)=>STORY BY NELLY
Please do not share without talking to me or her personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this story brought to you by Nelly aka Nnenna.
:
:
Things didn't get better for me after that day, although I opened up to Glory; I still wasn't happy finding out what I presently knew about Jacob. My attitude change a little and Glory became happy, Glory made a promise to me that she would never allow her brother to do each thing again as long as she lived.
Their (my cousins) time with us was beginning to exhaust out (their holiday was coming to an end), I felt so sad and full of Joy knowing that I was going to miss glory badly and I was going to not see Jacob again (until never I pray).
Something happened three days before they left; I was in my room that day with Glory (she never again lets me stay alone after I told her all that happened), we were talking about things that normally happened in our school. When suddenly a knock came at the front door which made us cut off out discussion, I volunteered myself to go check who was at the door (everyone went out except I and glory).
As I got closer to the door I heard a voice saying, "[laughs] I got the chance to try it again but someone knocked on the door which made me stop, she looks more attractive naked bro".
The voice was that of Jacob, and he was talking about me to his friend over the phone; he told his friend that he would try to get me again before he leaves, he also went as far as telling his friend that he would make sure he has all of me.
I felt so embarrassed and shamed of what he said, I was a tool of pleasure for my own cousin, I felt weak and confused, my hands couldn't touch the door because of the way I felt (I felt too weak inside).
My feelings and thoughts of what he said all mixed up and turned into anger, I wanted his blood on my hands as I heard his voice speaking badly about me and what he planned to do to me (He made me useless with the words of his mouth)
I quickly went to the kitchen to get a knife, when I got there I searched for the biggest one with sharp and pointy edge, as I held the knife in my hand I walked with an incredible rage (which was expressed heavily by my actions and reactions).
I got to the front door and could hear him laughing, as I was about to open the door, I remembered Glory and all the good memory we shared together. (I couldn't do it, I just couldn't.)
My hard mind to kill became soft and weak, I dropped the knife down and went to my room. When I got there I held all my pains and anger inside not to show it off to Glory.
Glory asked me, "who is at the door?".
I told her that it was Jacob and I could not open the door for him, she said nothing then went to open the door herself (deep down inside her she understood my reasons), i laid on the bed (after she had left) crying softly.
Three days later; they went back to their home leaving me with two separate feelings (sad and over joyed), i was alone at home with no one to talk to, life was not okay for me because each time i sit alone, i end up thinking about the things Jacob did to me and said about me.
My school holiday came to an end faster than the speed of light, i was happy because i knew school would give light to my darkness; i was going to talk to my friends again and my mind would be off what had happened.
All through out school days, I was myself and back to normal, but not completely normal, my friends do say, "you have really changed (because of the rude way I acted)"
When school was over again, I wasn't happy but I just had to put up a fake smile all through out (the day my dad came to pick me).
When I got home things were a little bit different (my pains were no more), but everything changed when my dad called I and my little bro Gad.
He said, "you guys are going to your cousin's place to spend this holiday".
I paused at that moment and became lost, it was as if I was thrown into a jacuzzi of ice solid cold water, my head started going up side down, I almost fainted but I held myself.
How was I to face the devil of my life again, how am i suppose to free myself off this chains of pain, how can I escape the beast of my freedom. I couldn't tell my mum or dad, I was too afraid to open up to them, I don't know what to do again, this really hurts but there is nothing I CAN DO..................The End.
THIS IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY NNANNA NNENNA A.K.A NOINOI JUST CALL ME NELLY
FACEBOOK USERNAME:NELLY NALLY
WHATSAPP NO;+22961804913


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There’s a period of life when we swallow a knowledge of ourselves and it becomes either good or sour inside.

~ Pearl BaileyRelated

Akpos went to an electronic store, he asked the storekeeper "what is the price of this TV?" The storekeeper answered "we don't sell our products to Akpos." 


Akpos again came next day by cutting his beard and asked "what is the price of this TV?" The storekeeper replied "we don't sell our products to Akpos". 


The next day Akpos came with a different face and asked "what is the price of this TV?" The shopkeeper replied "we don't sell our products to Akpos." 


Finally Akpos got irritated and asked the shopkeeper "how do you recognise me every time?" The storekeeper replied "because this is not a TV it is Microwave Oven!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-10 08:16:31

245 Views




On a fateful morning after obtaining my visa to u.s,i went to d airpot to board d flight,i was very happy and on reaching d airpot at washinto d.c i lined up fr security check and i cant wait for my turn i jumped que dat was how i was arested nd i just shout jesus na so i wake up...already got ur attention


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-23 09:17:57

431 Views




JOKE (OTHER BOYS VS DINDY) BY DINDY (part three).
HOW BOYS ANALYSE GIRLS;
1). Wow this girl has big bo*bs.
2). Da*n her shape is killing.
3). Shit! her as* is slaughting me.
4). OMG! her eyes are so beautiful.
5). Mehn her hair is so long.
HOW DINDY ANALYSE GIRLS;
1). See how this girl just use bleaching cream rub, see as she dey red uneccessary.
2). Chia! see as this girl get yam leg o.
3). See as this girl use makeup turn herself calabar bush fowl.
4). See as this girl use fixing turn her head to farm land for hair.
5). Na wa for this girl and her big lips oo.
6). Chia! Why this girl use bleaching make her lips black na.
7). Chia! this babe just dey use foam bra.
. Chia! see as this babe waist go one side.
9) Chia! why this girl go wear bumbum na..she just dey attract fly.
10) Chia! na wa for this caro white this girl dey use oo.. See as her face white and her hand be like wetin my house cat cough out.
DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 4.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-10-09 18:55:53

161 Views




ADVICE FOR LADIES:
1. Success is not sexually transmitted; so stop
sleeping with successful men and work hard.
2. Please do not wear the same weave for nine
months, its not pregnancy.
3. Half naked girls are hot, well dressed girls are beautiful, hell is hot, heaven is beautiful.
4. Stop saying you cannot date a man who lives
with his mother when you are dating a man who
lives with his wife.
5. Do not look at what a guy drives but what drives
him. 6. Before you call a guy ugly, remember 95% of
your beauty can be removed by a towel.
7. When you were on campus you dated married
men, when you get married you say you can't
share a man, relax ma sister its pay time.
8. Lastly learn to call and consult God and not your neighbor...........Enjoy the rest of your day folks
*wine* #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-10 16:19:37

549 Views




“What, Chris you are not telling me
somethingâ€
Mansa said.
“I guess you’re surprised right, Mansa? I
know whatever is going on as much as i know the
father
of that child you are carrying†Chris said.
“Why do you think he ran away? Its for no
other
reason than the baby. Kuu you know, is a coward. He couldn’t take responsibility of his actions,
that’s
why he ran when you needed him most. Thatâ
€™s why
I’m here, ready to shower you with my love
irrespective of the baby in your womb. †Chris continued.
Mansa couldn’t take it anymore. This was too
much
for her.
“Stop it Chris! just stop it! I don’t wanna
listen anymore†Mansa said with her eyes filled with
tears.
Chris didn’t bother, he kept continuing.
†Do you really want to know how it all
happened? I
can prove it to you Mansa. Kuu is not who you think he is†Chris said.
†I say stop it! Get out of my room now, just get
out†Mansa said.
At this moment, she was weeping bitterly.
She didn’t even know what to believe. If it was
reallg true, then why would Kuu do such a thing to
her?
Chris sounded so convincing but what really got
Mansa confused that Chris handed over her phone
to her, the one the rapist had taken.
“Fine, i will go, take this, i took it from Kuuâ €™s roomâ€
Chris said and handed over the phone to her. He
then left her to battle with her thought.
He knew someway, somehow, he had succeeded
in
trying to convince Mansa that Kuu was the one who raped her. Chris has gotten Mansa in an
uncomfortable position, the exact place where he
wanted. He knew that, sooner Mansa will come to
him seeking for answers.
As to whether Chris was telling the truth, its only
time time will tell. Mansa was in complete shock and confused.
Mansa began putting the pieces together. She
asked herself so many questions.
Was Kuu really capable of doing that?
She thought.
Meanwhile, Mrs Amposah and Obed were still battling out with marriage issues.
Obed was not ready to marry Mansa and Mrs
Amposah kept persuading him into marrying her
for her own personal gains.
Mrs Amposah gave a weird option that, If Obed
won’t marry Mansa for now,then she is not going
stay with her. .
The only option for him is to take Mansa along.
That was a difficult decision that Obed had to
take,
he didn’t expect this outcome but he had everything under control.
Once they settle on the agreement, Mrs Amposah
called back Mansa.
“I have spoken to your boyfriend, and we both
agreed that you are not going to continue stay
here. You’re moving in with him right away, i don’t
expect any questions from you. Just go back to
your room and start packing your belongingsâ€
Mrs
Amposah said.
Mansa looked surprised as Mrs Amposah was telling her all these. But the look on Obed’s
face
gave her the assurance that she can trust him
with
whatever he was doing.
There was this other side of her that wanted to stay in the house. At least, she would be able to
find out more from Chris concerning her rape
case.
However, she needed to update Obed on what
Chris had revealed to her.
Without waisting anytime, Mansa quickly went to her room to pack her belongings.
Mrs Amposah and Obed waited for her at the
living room. The place was filled with silence as
they both ingnored each other until Obed asked a
strange question.
“Mrs Amposah, can i ask you a question? Its a personal question but i would like you to answer
me†Obed asked.
“Sure, go ahead†Mrs Amposah gave him the
go
ahead.
“Thank you very much, I’m sure you were aware of
how much your husband loved you and even left
his betrothed wife to be for you?†Obed revealed
Mrs Amposah got shocked as no one in the family
knew about what Obed was saying except for her
and her late husband. “How did you know that? Mrs Amposah asked.
“I know more than you can think of and i also
know
that you have spent almost the entire money in
the
joint account you and your husband created, but what I’m yet to find out is why you are paying
Riri
those huge sum of money†Obed revealed.
Mrs. Amposah got scared as Obed seems to have
known all her movements and actions.
Before she could ask any further questions, Mansa came out with her luggage.
Obed quickly stood up and helped her with it as
they walked out of the living room.
Mrs Amposah was still in shock with what Obed
had said. What got her more frighten was what
Obed told her before leaving finally with Mansa. “Its a small world Mrs. Amposah, I’m
watching
you†Obed said and left with Mansa.
To be continued


>>

Khadija narrates

We got deep into the forest and were searching every nook and cranny of the forest. The most frustrating thing was that we were on a mission without destination; we didn’t even have a map to lead us and were searching for people who we weren’t sure about their breathing status. We were all looking worn out and tired with our faces showing signs of hopelessness.

“Let’s take a short break”,Mr. Ledan said as we all quickly took a sit as if we have been expecting someone to utter the statement said by Ele’s father. We brought back our packages from our bag and began to put something down our starving stomach.

I looked towards Lia’s father and noticed his face was teary in a way that shows he has been crying for long. I immediately had pity on him. I have heard of how they waited for thirteen years before they could get Lia. He cared for Lia with all his heart and was always there for her unlike my god-forsaken father. He was the father I never had. I really hated Lia for having all I ever wanted and I hated myself for having all I never wanted, turning me into a devil. I went to meet Lia’s dad because it seems as if I was the only one who noticed his mood.

“Everything will be alright sir”, I managed to say bearing a solemn look.

“I don’t understand you my daughter”, Mr.Akande tried to hide his mood as he quickly shifted his face to the opposite direction of where I was.

“I saw everything Sir, I know how you feel Sir, I know how hurt I am thinking my best friend could be gone, talk less of a father whose only lovely daughter is missing, that’s why I’m here to assure you that everything will be alright Sir. I’m sure besty will be fine, a person of her caliber with such a clean won’t die in the hands of dirty monsters, so put your mind at rest Sir”, I concluded.

“You are such a great girl my daughter, with your assuring and comforting words, I feel relieved and rest assured my daughter is save and would be save”, Mr. Akande replied with a wide smile.

“Please Sir, can I call you dad?” I asked with a smiling face.

“Why not?”, he gave a questioning reply.
“Thank you dad”, I said as I hugged him tightly why he caressed my hair.

“I heart you dad”, ”
I heart you to my daughter” he replied smiling sheepishly.

For the first time in my life, I felt I had a father. I couldn’t remember the last time my dad sat down with me in such an intimate manner talk less of hugging me something I think he has never done before. It was then I knew I had been deprived of parental love all this years. All I wished for at that very moment was death of Lia first, then my parent who I had made plans to kill so I will be adopted by Mr. Akande then Ele, Mr. Akande and I can live as one big happy family.

“Time to set off people”, Commander Ele’s dad said jolting me from my fantasy as we all obeyed his command like he has charmed us and packed our belongings and prepared to head out.

“Which direction should we take? North or South?” Auto asked.

“After round one, original panaldo extra, o tun gbede, babaginda yaso, puh puh” I sang Nursery rhymes pointing my hands to the two directions as my hand ended in South.

“We go South!” I said as everyone laughed providing a comical relief to the situation.

“South it is!” Ele’s dad who didn’t join in the laughter said as we followed after him.

We kept following after Ele’s dad who navigated the forest in superb fashion which made me concluded that he was skilled in many other aspects apart from wickedness. We got a particular place and Ele’s dad cautioned us against traps because the place we were was a perfect place for trap. He had hardly cautioned us finish when we saw several net thrown over our head and before we could react, we had been overwhelmed.

“You guys are sure brave to have come into our territory fearlessly, not to worry, your body parts will be used as a monument as a recognition for your brevity”, he said in a mocking voice as I heard laughter all around us. I looked up and saw we have been trapped by the net with several dozens of men around us. It came to my realization that there was no way in the world Ele and Lia could have made it. I couldn’t help but shed tears.

Ele narrates

We had been moving for close to an hour now and my two strange saviors didn’t break a sweat. I was starting to become afraid of them, I wanted to run but didn’t see that as an option.

“I don’t understand you guys anymore, we have been moving for close to an hour to nowhere in particular in this god-forsaken place and still no word from you guys on our destination. How sure am I you weren’t sent by them?” I vomited all the contents of my heart to them as they still ignored me.

“Hey! Am I not talking to humans?”, I screamed out.

“It’s better you stop talking and concentrate on the mission ahead!”, Delight replied bluntly.
“What mission?”, I asked feeling confused.

“To save your loved ones” they replied simultaneously as I followed them without further questioning looking confused.

Khadijah narrates

We have been held captive for some minutes on the same spot and I could see they were arguing on something occasionally looking at me. They finally look to concur with a particular man who seemed to be the leader. Some men walked towards us with guns.

“Say your last prayers people”, they ordered us mockingly as unmatched fear shown on our faces.

So after all my struggles, this is how I will die because of my dad? Even if I escape this, what of these innocent souls here? Auto attempted to get up from the net and rush at a gunman but was shot on the head as I screamed out loud. Oh! What a waste of life! I hugged Lia’s dad tight on the chest as we both cried.

“At the count of three, they must seize to breath”, said the man who I assumed earlier would be their leader.

“Yes sir”, they replied in one voice.

“One… two… three…”, he counted and everywhere became silent.

What must have happened? I saw I was still breathing and could still here Lia’s dad heartbeat. They weren’t using death to whine us, were they? What a costly joke that would be and I also heard no gunshots. I looked up in slow motion only to see all the men of the underworld down and probably dead with everywhere being covered with bright lights which could make one go blind. In the midst of the bright light, I saw two figures who look like angels. I looked around and saw Ele’s dad and the rest.

“Dad, its like we made it to heaven”, I told Lia’s dad.

“It seems that way daughter, congratulations to us” he said smiling.

“No, you are not in heaven o”, we heard a voice said.
I looked carefully and saw Ele and immediately ran to hug him. I hugged him so hard that he fell on the floor but he quickly pushed me aside and ran towards the celestial figures.

“So you guys were Angels? Angel Gabriel and Angel Delight?” Ele asked as we all watched in awe. We are not in heaven afterall, I thought.

“Yes, we are! I have a special message for you from heaven”, Angel Gabriel said as he took Ele aside while I went to meet Lia,s dad. I looked at Ele’s dad and saw him checking. Angel Gabriel was definitely going to reveal everything Ele’s dad has done over the years to Ele.

I was feeling pressed and wanted to relief myself so I went to a nearby bush. While I was pulling my dress up I heard two voices calling me. I looked around and recognized Aarti’s and Lia’s faces. My mood turned sour because Lia was the last person I wanted to see.

“Oh my God! I am so glad you girls made it” I said in a pretentious smile as they ran to hug me.

“Aarti, you can go over there, everyone is waiting for you” I pointed at the direction where our family was staying.

“Lia we need to talk” I dragged her back as she attempted to run after Aarti.

“Oh ooo, can’t it wait besty? I really miss daddy like nothing else”, Lia pleaded but seeing me frown she eventually succumb and signaled Aarti to go ahead.

“Follow me” I ordered Lia as the naïve idiot did without question.

“Dija, we have been walking for some time now and you are yet to tell me what you wanted to tell me” Lia finally stopped and said.
I brought up the kitchen knife I was holding and stabbed her twice as she fell on the floor.

“Why… why… what… have … I … do..ne to yo..u besty… ?, Lia asked in a faint voice.

“You are gonna pretend to the very end?”, I screamed.

“You took everything from me, everything I deserved”, I cried out.

“Besty, I have always told you to stop envying others; it will eventually graduate to unwanted jealousy which is one of the greatest psychological diseases of the human race.

“For the father you took away from me” I said and stabbed her.

“For the lover you took away from me” I said and stabbed her again.

“For the fake friend you have been”, I stabbed her yet again.

“And this is for the wicked person you made me become”, I stabbed her once more dropped the knife and ran away as I left her in the pool of her own blood.


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Ugly Bride [Read it]


At a wedding, I asked the person sitting
next to me, "Have you noticed how
horrible-looking the bride is? She's
ugly!" "You fool!!! That's my daughter you are
talking about!" The person responded, "Oops! I'm sorry
sir. I didn't know you were the father." "I'm not, you silly fool. I'm the mother!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-06-03 01:55:09

644 Views




Little Johnny was walking along the railroad tracks when suddenly he got his foot caught under one of the railroad ties. He tried to get it out but it was really stuck. As he struggled to free his foot, he heard a noise and turned around. To his horror he saw a train coming.

Panicked he started to pray, “God, please get my foot out of these tracks and I’ll stop being bad!”

Nothing happened, his foot was still stuck. He looked up to see the train getting closer!

He prayed again, “God, please get my foot out and I’ll stop swearing AND being bad!”

Still nothing his foot was wedged tight. The train was just seconds away! Little Johnny struggled frantically as the train’s horn blared.

He tried his plea one more time, “God, please, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I’ll quit being bad, I’ll stop swearing, AND I’ll stop trying to look up little Mary’s dress.”

Just as the train was about to hit Johnny, his foot broke free and he fell backwards, the train narrowly missing him.

He got up, dusted himself off, looked toward Heaven and said, “Thanks anyway God, I got it myself.”Related

Having flogged him for his poor performance in an English language test.


TEACHER: You are just such a dummy! You can't even make a simple sentence in your test. 


AKPOS: Haba aunty! 


TEACHER: Shut up! Ok make a simple sentence with 'mad'.


AKPOS: Our aunty is mad.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-27 13:55:53

279 Views



Nigeria [Read it]



What is your opinion:
Someone just suggested that instead of
giving the
senators
N21million for wardrobe allowance, why
not sew
uniforms for them
like that of NYSC?
After all, they are also there to SERVE!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-02 15:16:01

259 Views




Akpos a crippled was arrested in connection of stealing a big  refrigerator. On judgment day a Judge from High Court said, “upon  looking at you, i have seen that you cant be a thief due to your walking disability. So, since they have disgraced you and your CV has been destroyed i order you to take this refrigerator to be yours from today. Let it be
your compensation”. Akpos thanked the Judge and with joy he jumped down from his hand bicycle. He crawled and took the refrigrator by the back going home. After he crawled about ten metres, the Judge said, “you have successfully shown us that you are indeed a thief. Now you are jailed for two years imprisonment with hard labour.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-23 08:50:21

264 Views



Dear Dollar [Read it]


Dear Dollar,You slut…
Stop rising so much coz after 58 Government will retire you..Sincerely
Indian RupeeRelated

Ik Larki thi dewaani si…

Ik Larkay pe wo mar…

Kuch lena tha usay…

Lakin pregnancy se wo darti thi..

Jab bi milti thi muijhey….

Ye hi pocha karti thi…..

Ye “CoNDOM” kAHAN SE MILTA HAI

Ye “CoNDOM” kAHAN SE MILTA HAIRelated

I went to a child dedication reception last Sunday.
As a guy man that I had always being, I went and sat close to one beautiful and charming young girl.

I started by introducing myself to her and trying all I could to get her attention.
Still on the matter, the MC said its time for refreshment. That we should line up to the bufet and demand any meal of our choice.

To maintain my big boy level, I pretended as if I didn’t hear the MC even though I was seriously hungry.
I kept toasting the girl and as well praying in my mind that she should go for the food first so that I can join later.
30 min passed and she still not showing concern about the food. What threw me off balance was when the guy close to me came back with a plate of fried rice with big chicken garnished with salad. The aroma was everywhere but I still pretended like I don’t care.

Before I know it o o, a handsome guy came with a plate of fish pepper soup and gave it to the girl. I asked the girl who the guy was and she said is his boyfriend. My eyes cleared immediately.
I rushed to get mine but the queue was a bit long, but as a guy man I had always being, I meandered to the front.  There was no plate again to serve food. I looked by the corner and saw plenty people struggling just to get dirty plate they will wash so that they can be served with it. I wanted to give up but the aroma of the food can’t just let me be coupled with the level of hunger in me.

I swallowed my bigboyism and rushed to get a dirty plate but for my greatest surprise there was no dirty plate again. “My enemies will never succeed” I said to myself.  As I was there thinking of what to do, I was a small boy coming with a hip of dirty plates. I positioned myself well so that I will be the first person to collect. Before he could drop the dirty plates, I grabbed one and washed it very fast not sending anyone.

On reaching the bufet to get my own food, I started hearing another supper story. That the food has finished. At this time, I became frustrated. As I bend down to drop the plate, I saw a covered plate under the bufet table. As a fast guy that I am, I cornered the plate one side. As I opened the food for me to download it, my head sparked. The food had been eaten half way by someone else.

I wanted to dump the food but the remaining meat there is tempting me badly. I said let me weigh the environment and check if anyone is looking at me before it eat the food. I looked at my right where my seat was and I saw the beautiful girl laughing uncontrollable at me. I was pissed off and felt like a money wearing a suit. For the second time, I swallowed my shame and started eating the meat. As I raise my head up, I saw the camera man at a far videoing me. I fainted





NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-22 17:49:24

26911 Views




My wife says my lovemaking is like a news bulletin. Brief, unexpected and usually a disaster.Related

Who is smarter? [Read it]


Who is smarter?

Akpos and Ochuko were drinking palm
wine together. Ochuko said, “Akpos, I have
a confession to make.” Akpos asked, “What
is it?” Ochuko said, “Last week, I slept with
your wife. I am sorry.” Akpos shouted,
“You slept with my wife?!” Ochuko said,
“Please forgive me.” Akpos cooled down
and said, “What are friends for? I forgive
you.” The following week, Ochuko was
furious that someone had harvested all his
crops in his farmland. During their
drinking time in the evening, Akpos said to
Ochuko, “Ochuko, I have a confession to
make.” Ochuko asked, “What is it?” Akpos
said, “I was the one who harvested all your
crops. I am very sorry I did that.” Ochuko,
after getting angry, said, “What are friends
for? I forgive you.” Two weeks later, they
were drinking palm wine together when
Ochuko said to Akpos, “Akpos, I have a
confession to make.” Akpos asked, “What
is it?” Ochuko said, “I poisoned your drink
because I was angry with you. Please
forgive me. Akpos said, “So you poisoned
my drink? Anyway what are friends for? I
forgive you. I also have a confession to
make.” Ochuko asked, “What is it?” Akpos
said, “I am sorry! I exchanged our drinks.
Please forgive me”

Who is smarter??

Akpos and Ochuko were drinking palm

wine together. Ochuko said, “Akpos, I have

a confession to make.” Akpos asked, “What

is it?” Ochuko said, “Last week, I slept with

your wife. I am sorry.” Akpos shouted,

“You slept with my wife?!” Ochuko said,

“Please forgive me.” Akpos cooled down

and said, “What are friends for? I forgive

you.” The following week, Ochuko was

furious that someone had harvested all his

crops in his farmland. During their

drinking time in the evening, Akpos said to

Ochuko, “Ochuko, I have a confession to

make.” Ochuko asked, “What is it?” Akpos

said, “I was the one who harvested all your

crops. I am very sorry I did that.” Ochuko,

after getting angry, said, “What are friends

for? I forgive you.” Two weeks later, they

were drinking palm wine together when

Ochuko said to Akpos, “Akpos, I have a

confession to make.” Akpos asked, “What

is it?” Ochuko said, “I poisoned your drink

because I was angry with you. Please

forgive me. Akpos said, “So you poisoned

my drink? Anyway what are friends for? I

forgive you. I also have a confession to

make.” Ochuko asked, “What is it?” Akpos

said, “I am sorry! I exchanged our drinks.

Please forgive me”
Who is smarter??
- See more at:

SHORT ONE [Read it]


Wife to her husband: Wake up. Some thieves have broken into our house. I think they are now eating the food I made last night.
Husband: Oh! Let's better call the ambulance for them.

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

The police is chasing a thief. The thief enters to a shopping center so the police captain says "secure all the exits" 2 minutes later a cop comes and tells the captain"sir, we've lost him". the captain asks "why?", the cop answers "he escaped by the entrance"


1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.


When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way....
So I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

When a thief kisses you, count your teeth.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.


A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-07 12:56:12

1049 Views




there waz a man aged 25 yrs and he waz a
well known thief. One day he went through a
window into a room which waz full of nice
and mouth watering biltongs. He ate some of
the biltongs ,and after he waz done he
decided to go out using the door. When he
was out of the room ,he looked at the door
and it waz writen WELCOME TO MALE
CIRCUMCISION.
# NOT GUILTY
# NGWENYA .JOKES...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-15 23:20:27

449 Views




EPs 3

The board members were already waiting for the couples to begin the meeting.
Henry and Jane bursted in,
'Sir you are 15minutes late' says one of the security officers ..'
I know , I know' henry replied in a hurry. As henry opens the door leading to the main room where the meeting was holding all the board members stared at him. Henry notice the dissapoitment looks on their faces
' I know I know I'm late and I apologize, please find it in your humble hearts to forgive my wife and i, he said smiling ...

The boards keep staring at him ...
Well, henry about the meeting, is postponed..
One of the board directors said..
Why, why is it postpone is it because am late or what ? .come on I have already apologize for that.
'Not at all we are happy to inform you about the new joining partner' Miss Ellen..

''You look just like Richard'..... Miss Ellen added .. . Richard ?? Henry wondered . '' Nah his's just my favourite actor " Ellen explained . . well, Welcome henry, we may as well discus business.
I'm all hears, henry replied ...
'Richard hmm to keep things short, my enterprise would like to team up with yours.
"miss am Henry not Richard.. So that's just it? Henry asked
"do I really have to repeat my self " Ellen asked the board members ...
Henry we have already discus this of cause you were late, the chief director added
'How can you discus business in my absence with out my acknowledgement' Henry yelled.
' honey calm down, Jane whispered..
Henry sighed as he start to feel uncomfortable.
Can we talk out side '' the chief director said. As he notice henry sudden change. Henry and the chief Dir went out of the room..
'What the hell are you guys thinking , she might be a fraud ..
'She's no fraud . she's a multi million business woman that base in UK and she returning today, If we can get to sigh deals with her .I swear our company won't regret it, the chief dir tries to convince henry. 6million ! what she's asking is to much, Henry said..
Man you have to make sacrifice to get to the next level chief dir replied. Henry breath in and out calming himself down, okay but what if this doesn't work out, our company could go bankrupt, my company could go bankrupt, But since the board had agreed on it let's go for it ..
Yeah man that what am talking about ...
Henry company sighed the deal with Ellen .. Took some pictures together and champagne tossing to Successful business.
*********************
Henry pressed the door bell ' ding dong 'its rings there was no response, he didn't give up but press it the second time still no response. He opened the door with his spare key , the lights were out, the room was quite as a grave yard . He wondered were the kids could have gone to ..Jane on the other hand checks most of the room down stairs but there was no trace of the kids.
Zack !!! Linda !!! Marry !!! Were are you .. Ellen!! .. She called out as she approaches the staircase slowly ..
Surprise !!!!!!! The kids shouted, as they jump out from thier hiding
don't you kids ever try that again you scare the ghost out of me . Jane screamed .. Mummy, mummy we won't, you guys got scared right? .
yes ,yes henry said in a less concerned manner.
Where's Ellen Jane asked ...
Am here ma'am ..
Nanny Ellen , we love her mummy we do. Linda said hugging Ellen,
Seems you make the kids happy they love you....
. Ellen turned on the TV ..' Breaking news ... ' There had been a private jet crash of one business woman base in UK by name miss Ellen, who has just took off from Nigeria heading back to UK.' resource said the plane felled due to damage of the left engine , This is Ellen reporting live from CNM stay tune for more details..
'Wait, wait did she just said Ellen ..
'No Jane replied.
Henry start sweating profusely ' what do you mean by no .my money, my money no no this can't be, tears run down his check. My money no no no no that must be a fake news, 6mill no no .. He walked up and down the room restlessly, his children stared at him .. Daddy whats happening to you is everything all right , ' don't tell me that nothing has been alright , everything is getting worse each second ' henry shouted at Linda, henry collapsed His wife called mark the chief dir and their private doctor ..


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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With the current INCREASE IN PRICE OF EVERYTHING we should be grateful to GOD that he has not INCREASED THE TITHE TO 15%.....Its still 10%. Be faithful & don't rob God! Even with the economic situation (inflation), the WAGES OF SIN has not changed! the price remains DEATH! While the gift of life is still FREE, despite the inflation. Isn't it wonderful.
Even Networks have increased the rate for call,still he hasn't change anything on how to call upon him.
Let's Praise God.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-19 19:08:00

575 Views




A NIGERIA teacher( Macekeson ) was sent to
China to teach. The first day he entered class,
he
began by roll-calling. He said "Sheng." A
student
said
"present." He called the second name, Chu Muon.
Another student said
"present" Suddenly, he sneezed, "hatchia" One
student seated at the corner stood up and said,
"present" He then exclaimed and said,
"hmmmm..." all the student shouted "Absent" He
got confused and said,
" Shaa..." Three students stood up and said,
"Which of us?" The teacher became more
confused and he asked, " What is
wrong?" A student stood
up and he said, " Sir, I'm not Wrong, I'm called
Wong."
The teacher now laughed and said, " hahaha" A
girl said "Present sir"
The teacher came closer to find out what was
going on, as he moved his pen fell on the table
and made the sound, " ping chung chong" A
certain boy said, "
Present sir." The teacher now more confused
and
annoyed, decided to move out. As he was moving
out, a group of 15 students stood up and
shouted,
"Teacher, what about us?"



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-24 12:24:25

330 Views




The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman and was somewhat upset.

‘You are a disrespectful pig!’ she cried. ‘How dare you do this to me a faithful wife, the mother of your children. I’m leaving you. I want a divorce straight away.’

And the husband replied ‘Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.’

‘Fine, go ahead,’ she sobbed, ‘ but they’ll be the last words you’ll say to me!!

And the husband began – ‘Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put on weight.

The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don’t use because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don’t use because I don’t have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don’t use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don’t use because someone at work has a pair the same.’

The husband took a quick breath and continued – ‘She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, ‘ Please do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?’Related

WhatsApp: 2347060981481
Email: vicson47@ gmail.com
Author: VictVames

I wasn’t happy that night, But Nancy will surely be very happy. I know she’ll bombard Mirabel with lots of questions and other things she would like to know out of her curiosity. She won’t let Mirabel rest because she’ll want to know a lot from the little opportunity she got to sleep on the same bed in the same room with the President’s Daughter which happens to be her brother’s girlfriend *Winks*
????????
Around 5:21am I heard a loud knock on my door and heard momma’s voice calling my name, it was time for our morning devotion which was Nancy’s turn to lead.
I joined them in the sitting room singing praises to God. We heard the word, we prayed, did some chores, bath, then ate bread and tea for breakfast.
I didn’t know if i should be angry with Mirabel or not. I hate being disappointed. Did she really disappointed me? She made her point sha buh i still didn’t like the fact that she turned me down.
Mum got prepared to go to the shop with Nancy. Mirabel asks if she could join them. Mum agreed while Nancy was glad. Mum asked me if i’d join them, but i declined.
Mirabel took me to a corner and gave me a quick kiss,,, just a kiss before she left with them. I was left at home,,, alone.
What i did i do?
I dashed to the kitchen immediately, took a big cup, put a lots of my momma’s powdered milk with chocolates, then used cold water to drink it.
I went to the sitting room to watch movies,,, many channels were showing interesting movies, series, and music but they bore me. I got out of the house to the game house. I related with my hommies and they showed me love. We played, gists, we had fun till i left there later in the afternoon when i got hungry. Mum called me to inquire if i would go to the shop for lunch, or prepare something to eat at home, or buy something to eat. And of course i chose to buy something. I don’t really enjoy suya in the day time so i bought meat pies and hollandia yogurts. I got bored at home again, i decided to watch the television and NEPA seized the power. I don’t chat when i’m bored so i just slept.
I don’t know how long i slept but i know i didn’t wake up intentionally. My rap ringtone actually woke me up and the tone appeared in my dream.
**Picks up**
Me: Hello *horror voice*
Promise: Hi,,, why weren’t u picking up? Have u been sleeping?
Me: Yeah
Promise: Yeah,,, seems so sounding from your voice. So how u doing?
Me: Fine i guess
Promise: Mirabel told me she’s been at your place since yesterday and that you weren’t feeling too well, so how u feeling now?
Me: Better,,, i’m ok now
Promise: Of course, why won’t u be ok now when she’s with u
Me: Yea,,, how u doing?
Promise: I’m ok, rocking my iPhone
Me: I see… that’s good
Promise: Yea, the camera is wow!
Me: Yea it is
Promise: U sound boring, what’s up with u?
Me: I just woke me up from my siester
Promise: Even at that, its not like u
Me: Promise I’m fine
Promise: Sure?
Me: Yea sure
Promise: Ok, we’d talk some other time when you’re more ‘lively’
Me: Yea, bye
Promise: Byee…
**Hangs up**
I saw 2 missed calls, it was from Promise.
The power got restored back buh i still wanted to sleep. I was enjoying my dream before Promise cut it short.
It was even her call that made my dream sweeter. Because i was hearing my rap ringtone in my dream.
The dream was….
I was the class and the Lecturer was lecturing. Then suddenly, the Lecturer start rapping my ringtone in the class which was 2Pac Shakur’s. I joined him in the rap ‘coz i know the rap and i love it.
That’s how my Lecturer and i was rapping in the class before i woke up and discovered that it’s my phone that has been ringing.
Later in the evening, Mirabel and Nancy came back from the shop to start preparing dinner. I really missed her,,,, i mean Mirabel.
We exchanged pleasantries and i got just a peck from her.
Me: How did it go?
Mirabel: Very fine, the sales was good
Me: Oh i see… i know Nancy disturbed u
Mirabel: Not at all, she’s fun and good to be with
Me: Really? Even with her talking problem ?
Mirabel: Its not a problem Victor, its her Natural gift and its cool
Me: Hhmmmm (speechless)
Mirabel: Talk to u later, lemme freshen up (Walks away).
After they did a little freshen up, Nancy went to the kitchen while Mirabel came back to me.
Mirabel: I will be leaving tomorrow Victor
Me: I thought u would spend the week here?
Mirabel: I never planned on doing that, besides your Dad called to inform your Mom that he’d be coming back tomorrow
Me: So, U will leave me like this?
Mirabel: Like what?
Me: We could spend quality time together tonight
Mirabel: Not gonna happen
Me: Come on,,, not even a kiss? Or kisses rather
Mirabel: **smiles** (she walked closer to me and whispered) Mum instructed us to prepare fried rice and chicken for dinner, and she’d bring some yogurts. So hold that thought for later (She gave me a simple kiss on the lips then walked away smiling) I was like ‘Hhmmmm’
About 45 minutes later, I started perceiving a delicious aroma from the kitchen. I couldn’t bear the suspense of the aroma any longer so i left the house to the game house to pass time, I hate suspense.
There was a kind of party at the game house. I was told earlier but i forgot. On reaching there, they start hailing my name. I felt like a local celebrity. They dragged me to a seat claiming its mine and brought in drinks for me. I don’t drink alcohol anymore but i couldn’t refuse it because of how they were hailing me. They showed me love. And the hailing also made some girls come around to me. I was hesitating to drink but my guys were pushing me to drink before displaying on the dancefloor. I finished one bottle, they opened another one for me. I was about to empty the bottle, before two of my guys dragged me to the dancefloor. The people that knows me started screaming. My head grew bigger, the DJ changed the music to one of my favourite song for dancing which was ‘Alingo’ by P’Square. The song burst my head that i didn’t know when i started dancing. Its been long since i last danced but i still didn’t missed my moves. Before i knew it, girls started bringing their waist closer to me. One even came and put my hands around her waist then she started twisting it for me. The party ‘entertainers’ came to me from behind and offered me a cup of dry gin and two piece of condom (That was how we party) It was the gin that got me high.
TO BE CONTINUED

>>

Full Bed Bath [Read it]


The nursing student, on her first rotation in the ICU, had to give a patient a full bed bath. She had never given one before and was terribly nervous about it.To make matters worse, the patient was a gentleman in his late sixties who had been admitted after a heart attack. As se nervously set her equipment up, she confessed to the patient that she had never given a full bed bath before.“I’ll tell you what,” he said, “how about if you wash as far down as possible, and as far up as possible, and then I’ll wash possible?”Related

RAPE EPISODE 12 (STORY BY DINDY)
Please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this story.
My pain and past kept on hurting and hunting me for years, I was 16 years old now and I began to understand life bit by bit.
My mum's business had grown very big but she never changed her careless attitude to her own children.
Ruth was out of university and she works in a company, she leaves in her own apartment that she rented with her own money
Blessing lived a happy life, I think she might have forgotten about the things that happened to her. As for me, i can't forget what happened to her or even forgive my senior sister for what she did to us.
One lovely day my mum got me a new phone, I was so happy and glad to have a new android phone, i loved the phone so much. As time went on I got use to facebook, whatsapp, 2go, twitter, snapchat, palm chat, bbm and so many others........
Anytime I saw things about RAPE on the internet or movie or newspaper, it always moves me because it reminds me of my past and the end resultant is my tears.
There came a time when I met someone on facebook, her name was Juliet, I am older than her by two years but she is a wonderful person. She understands me very well, we chat from time to time and she told me about her life when she was in jss1.
She said "when I entered into camlag (name of her school) newly i was a tough girl and I had only three friends two were girls and a boy, no one ever messed around with me because I was very frustrating and fearless. I fought with one guy who was a class bully because he insulted my dad, he also called me a wizard so I beat him black and blue".
"We almost fought once again but I am glad we didn't because he could have won", she said.
I laughed and laughed, Juliet is one funny girl. She continued talking again then said "I slapped a guy one day like that because he was writing things about me, I reported to our class teacher about it, but now I see that it was nothing. The guy was only trying to be friendly and I did him wrong by reporting".
I laughed so hard after hearing all this, she is so crazy. I told her about my childhood (the good side of it though) and we both laughed about it.
One thing lead to another, then I told her about my life secrets, she was surprised. she said, she would like to meet me because there is something she wanted to share with me.
We planned to meet on a saturday in her house, the good news was that her house was not too far from mine. She gave me her address, which made it easy for me to meet her.
Saturday finally came and I was happy to go meet my facebook friend Juliet. I went to her house, when i meet her, she was fair in complexion and i was taller than her.
She lives with her mum, dad and brothers. She is the only girl in her family (she once told me that she wished that she had a junior sister).
Her father is a rich man --I saw that when I entered into her house, even the gate smelled money--. The house was big and spacious with three guard dogs, thank God they were chains.
As I entered her parlour, I saw her dad there, I was kinda uncomfortable. Her mum was coming from the kitchen, with food in her hands for Juliet's dad.
I greeted her mum and dad, she then said to her dad and mum "mum, dad, She is my friend I told you about that is coming today".
Juliet senior brother was not around so we didn't meet, we went upstairs to her room.
As she opened her room door, we saw her junior brother --That boy is strong headed--.
He was scattering Juliet's room, the funny part was that he left his own room and came to Juliet's room to scatter it.
When juliet saw him, she said "oh God, what kind of brother I get so na" --I was like; huh!, so this girl can speak Nigerian English--.
He saw her and started laughing at her, Juliet was annoyed and she wanted to catch him, but he was small and fast in running.
He ran away like a zebra being chased by a thousand lions, he ran downstairs shouting "mummy mummy, Juliet wanna beat me for nothing".
Juliet hissed and left him, she turned around to look at her room and she shook her head.
--I am sure, she felt disappointed at her brother because she had a visitor which was me and her room was a mess--.
I looked at her and told her that I would help her fix her room, she looked at me and smiled..... To be continue...... People who you meet can change your situation, it doesn't matter where or why or who you meet, what matters is that they can change your point of view about the hard dangerous sick evil wicked devilish part of life.....to be continue.
STORY BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI
contact me on
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Email: [email protected]
or
Email: [email protected] Facebook: Ossy andy Nnamdi
Skype: 07087750433
or
Skype: [email protected]
Twitter: @nnamdiossy
INSTAGRAM: @ossynnamdi







NAIRAJOKES.COM




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A Little Kid [Read it]


A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull."

The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant."

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, "What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!"

The kid smiles and says, "I would be a bus driver!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-22 09:00:19

374 Views




** Episode 1**
Life can be a misery at times,as things tends to happen either for the purpose of blessing or a lesson. He never knew what awaited him but he kept on d hope of it being a blessing.
kayode oyelaja ,the only son of mr. & mrs oyelaja (parent).his dad was a farmer and his mum a petty trader, they were not rich and so they were not that poor as they financially okay. Things kept on going well till d unexpected happen .... kayode's dad came back from farm in the evening and started complaining of chest pain ,well they thought it was just a minor pain as they pay little attention to it till got to the extent of taking him to hospital as it got worse.
In order to raise money for his treatment, kayode's mum had to sell some of their properties which include some of her clothes and shop goods at very cheap rate leading to much loss ,yet with all their effort it prove futile as the doctors could not diagnosed the nature of kayode's dad sickness for the past four month....and this made them so worry as there was no money


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Dhokha Mila Jab Pyar Main, Zindagi Mein Udaasi Si Chaa Gayi;

Socha Tha Chhod Dein Is Raah Ko, Kambhakht Mohalley Mein Dusri Aa Gayi!Related

In the situation of Ezekiel, i believe he fall under the category of coming from a wealthy background and knows how to package himself very well…why do you think Titi is all over him and turn this place to his hostel? She’s in 200 level while Ezekiel is just a fresher but their claim is that they have known each other from childhood and its just unfortunate that Titi got admitted before him…..All in all, how will a 200level lady be dating 100level guy if not for financial gains and other incentives.
Me: this is serious oooo…..am just tired of the way they expose themselves around this house..that is why you hardly see me outside the compound because they will just make someone to sin
Ismaeel: Inomoli amolu bi niyah (All actions are by intentions) that is what the prophet said, so i believe since i don’t have the mind of bad intentions, i believe its allowed
Me: so how do you cope with all the provocative dressing they do put on?
Ismaeel: Mind is not always there…moreso, what is the big deal? I believe everybody has their way of life which has to be accepted by all…we have to in peace and harmony with each other
Me: that is their own cup of tea sha
We talked about so many things that night before calling it a day. Ismaeel told me that second semester always seems to be so long at the beginning but there are so many social activities in it that eventually make it short. Most student are always carried away with social activities and before they know it, exams will already be at the corner. Which one is even my own there as i don’t involve in social activities. Nobody knows me in school aside my Muslim brothers and i don’t even have someone i can call my personal friend aside Ismaeel.
It did not take long in our second semester that they started releasing our first semester result, display of our result turn a lot of attention to me and y the time they posted all result my CGPA was already in 4.89.
I was in a strong first class in my first semester 100 level, my result made some of my course mate to started coming to me in terms of tutorial. It all started with Ahmed in the class that i do explain things to after class everyday and its only a little while before one and two other people joined us and from there, i started organizing tutorials in class for my course mate.
My tutorial was not limited to my course mate alone as i also take it as a means of giving back to my Muslim Umah in organizing tutorial in the mosque. What i do take most is general course that we do offer in the faculty most especially mathematics.
Saying that my new identity attracted ladies to me is an understatement, there are a lot of them always wanting to come for tutorials but there are limit to how we relate and they always respect my decisions and the kind of person i am. I don’t shake the opposite sex talkless of hug or any physical contact for that matter. The truth was that, the first time i will see the lap of the opposite sex was Titi, the first time she entered the kitchen with her bump short and the other time i saw her and Ezekiel making love in the Kitchen.
Just like Ismaeel told me at the beginning of the semester, exams time table was out within blink of an eye. Preparation was top notched for me, my reading was a bit minimal as have learnt alot from my tutorials here and there. In fact, i read more during the tutorial period than exams.
I organized exams tutorial at every point in time when exam was fast approaching, i hardly have spare time for myself on every particular day. Even weekends, if i don’t go for one engagement or the other in the mosque, i will be at home reading and there will be one or two people that will come and learn from me.


>>

How can you tell if a man is a Male Chauvinist Pig?

He thinks ‘harass’ is two words.Related

Banta: Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
Santa: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-womanRelated

Abbreviations you need to know

#APC = Accepting Past Criminals.

#PDP = People Deceiving People.

#IMO = Idiot Must Obey.

#IBADAN = Ibo Boys Are Dangerous At Night.

#ABA = Agege Boys Association.

#LAGOS = Love All Girls On Sunday.

#ABACHA = After Babangida Another Criminal Has Arrived. #

GULDER = Girls Under Liquor Deserve Extra Romance.

#FANTA = Foolish Ashawo Never Takes Advice.

#WEEK = Women Education Ends in Kitchen.

#NIGERIA = Never Investigate Great Executive Robbers In Authority.

#NEPA =Never Expect Power Always.

#KOBO = Kill Obasanjo Before Others.

#AIDS = America Invention for Discouraging Sex.

#PHCN = Problem Has Change Name

#OYO = On Your Own.

#NYSC = Now Your Struggle Continue.

#GLO = Get Lover Online.

#MTN = Maintain Total Nonsense.

#GSM = General Street Madness.

Add yours


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-10 22:02:21

195 Views



Teenage Love. [Read it]


**PART ONE**
CHAPTER 1…….
It was a bright saturday morning
on the 7th of september 2013.
Akinola oluwasegun was walking
along a popular street in Ibadan,
Oyo state. He was dressed in a
white T-shirt and a black pant
trouser and a black vickers shoe.
He was on his way to Loyola
College, a government owned
secondary school around Agodi
gate GRA Ibadan for his WAEC GCE
exam.
He entered into the school
compound and walked towards
the school building. Being his
first paper English Language, he
had no idea of where the
examination hall was situated.
So, he had to ask for help from
other candidates who had come
the previous days for chemistry
practicals and Commerce. He
walked up to a girl seated on the
staircase reading to ask for the
help.
“Hello, good morning.” he
greeted.
“Good morning.” she replied.
“Please, are you here for exam?”
he asked.
“Yeah.” she replied.
“Okay. Please, which way is the
examination hall.” He asked.
“I don’t know. This is my first
time here.” She answered.
(disappointed) “Okay, lets ask
others the way to the exam hall.”
He adviced.
“Okay.” She replied standing up
and dusting her skirt.
*TEN MINUTES LATER*
The invigillator walked into the
exam hall carrying a green sack
with the inscription; WEST
AFRICAN EXAMINATION COUNCIL.
No 62. He was accompanied by
five teachers of the school.
A laptop was removed and with
a thumb printing device attached
to it.
“Line up for your biometrics.”
one of the teachers barked.
After the completion of the
biometrics. The candidates were
asked to sit down according to
their numbers. The answer
booklets and the question
papers were first distributed
before the attendance was
marked. The paper lasted two
and a half hours. The paper
ended by 11:30am and they
were given 3hours break before
the commencement of the paper
2&3(objectives & the Test of
Orals respectively).
Outside the examination hall,
students were seen in group,
some in fours, in fives and so on
discussing and arguing over the
just concluded paper.
Oluwasegun(segun for short)
wast sitting alone under a big
three near the school football
pitch. He was flipping through
the pages of the WAEC English
language past question. Just then
someone tapped him from
behind. He looked up and saw
his cousin Omolayo Akinola.
He stood up and hugged her.
“What are you doing here?” he
asked.
“I came to greet my friends
writing their exam here. She
answered.
“Where is your centre?”
“Ikolaba grammar school.”she
replied.
“Most of my friends are in that
centre.”he said.
“Are you the only one here?” she
asked.
“Yes, am the only one here from
my school.”he answered.
“You must be feeling lonely
o.”she said.
“Yeah”………
The gisted for like ten minutes
before Omolayo stood up to go,
“Let me introduce you to my
friends over there.” she said
pointing to a group of 2 boys
and 4 girls gisting.
He stood up and followed her
towards the group. Immediately
they saw them approach they
stopped talking.
“Where have you been? One of
her friends jummy asked
Omolayo suspiciously.
Ignoring her question. “Meet my
cousin, Segun. Segun meet my
friends.” she introduced.
“Hi guys.” he greeted.
“Hi.” They chorused.
They all hung around till it was
1:30pm, 30minutes before the
next paper.
“Bro, i think we should get going
so, we won’t be late.” Omolayo
said.
“Alright, bye. Segun answered.
Omolayo left with four of her
friends remaining two who were
also in segun’s centre. Among
which was Jummy.
–to be continued–


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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marriage palava [Read it]


Husband: sweetheart, am goin for 3days church conference.

Wife: ok, but lets commit your journey into the
hand Of God in prayer.

Husband: lead us in prayer then!

Wife: God grant my husband save
journey.

Husband: Ameeeeeeen!

Wife: don't let his manhood erect if he try to commit adultery.

Husband: silent.

Wife: don't let him return safely if he
manage to
have extra marital affairs with other ladies.

Husband: sweating.

Wife: infact, holy spirit kill him if he
commit.....

Husband: o! Keep shut, it ok, am not goin anymore coz holy spirit just told me that the conference has been cancel.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-06 01:42:10

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