Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


I've been laughing since I got this joke.....but are
we really this bad?
ANGELS: Father! We are tired of these Nigerians
in heaven.
GOD: What have they done this time?
ANGEL: Everything!Theydon't listen to
instructions. They don't obey traffic rules. They
don't wait for their turn in anything. They are
completely reckless!
GOD: Then we better send them to hell!
(Calls the Devil). Hello..
SATAN: Hello my creator and master, pls call me
later. There's an issue I'm trying to resolve.
Ten (10) minutes later:
GOD: Hello Lucifer.
SATAN: Your Lordship my father! I'll call you
back.
The issue has turned into a crisis ooo!
An hour later:
SATAN: Hello?
GOD: What's going on over there?
SATAN: It's the Nigerians I have with me in hell
oooo!
(He stammers),they... they... they have
quenched the fire in hell and installed air conditioner.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-06 15:19:56

453 Views






NAMELESS (EPISODE ONE) STORIES DA VIBA
Please do not share without taking permission from us, thanks for reading.
:
:
:
Rain showers poured out from the holes of axles, the cloud has already given out its dark vomits in coalesce with mother nature.
The whole earth looked juiced from the earth condiment scarifying the dryness. Chirps and drizzles from the night brittle bed of birds and the scorching water-ray dominated the whole city, the busy streets has became waned and downy by silence.
The trees and crops danced to the rhythm of the breezy wind which manipulated it to set forth its greenish brown leaves, The lane that leads to Akabor which gave birth to Ndiabor, Isiabor, Ime Abor, and Ugwuabor has surprisingly gone away as thunderstorms, lightening and sky scintillations gave out their offspring of banger and flashes which must have shaken the pillars of the Earth ascertained by its high tenacity, calmness came out once in a while followed by the normalise of condensation.
A signpost situated at a Tee junction attached to welcome people to the great city of Ojoto broke it stances as it dangles to the ground, one of the four rods reads to tenth mile while the other raids the other communities.
A tree stood beside the signpost leading to a black gigantic gate that inhabit a small bungalow painted brick colour, the whole compound laid vandalised by an Unbecoming becoming traced with tress of different phyla, another thunderstorm landed in front of the Varnished wooden door as it blasts open revealing good handful of vivacious living.
It traced down to a corridor which cased two doors facing each other, two snores of compunction dominated the room at a Vertical View. In the other a snore and a small cry that can be matched to that of a banshee radiated, its door gave out a creaking sun, slightly open revealing the portrait of a teen girl whose eyes were polished red which disclosed how much she must have wept.
After roaming her eyes around the corridor, he opened the door carrying a baby of about a year and 6 months wrapped in a bunny clothing who snored peacefully not knowing the happenings.
She tiptoed out of the house, as the tears still flowed freely out of its place. She slinked out of the gate trying to make no noise to avoid knowledgeable compromises, she lurked pass the Iroko tree and the dilapidated signpost looking evasively around the whole spot, making sure no one was coming, he ran past their friendly towns before diverting to a ghostly road, the immense sound of all the natural creatures help in advocating the Ghostly.
She came to a halt at somewhere having reached where there is no prediction of recognising the mother, she dropped the baby downtrodden by the unforgiveable act, she is about to put herself into but she had to, her parents and friends has boldly strangled her with words that ate deep into her might and the adam who impregnated her and denied not seeing her womanliness.
She covered the baby with the bum so as not to catch cold, the rain has finished its condensation reaction, she stood up cleaning up her motherly tears of regrets, few meters away from the baby, she stopped looking at the her handsome baby boy who has surprisingly started crying like he knew the bond is breeched.
The baby's voice escalating to maxim predicting the outcome of the baby's crying, She ran without looking back as she cleans up the the tears of mediocre....to be continue.
This story is brought to you by Stories Da Viba and was written by;
1). Nonsegzy
2). Princeprezide
3). Dindy
4). Blexxybaby
5). Nelly
Watch out for episode 2, your comments are needed... Please like our page on facebook "Stories Da Viba".







NAIRAJOKES.COM




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BROKEN SEAL
EPISODE 38

Rodelio paced round the room,
hitting his fists hard against
the wall occassionally.
Isaiah and Ella are back
together, he knew it.
He saw the today.
All his plans are now being
thwarted, does that mean Ella
don’t love him? She must love
him and he alone.
No one can ever take her place
in his heart Ella should also
feel the same.
He thought of taking Isaiah
out, but he found out from a
reliable source that Isaiah is a
mayor’s son.
If he kills Isaiah, he knew the
mayor would never stop until
the murderer is fetched out, he
may even go to the extent of
seeking international help, yes
thats how powerful mayors are.
Rodelio nodded to the new
idea that cropped into his
head.
An idea that would remove
Isaiah from the picture
completely, with little or no
bloodshed.
The plan was cool, why haven’t
he thought of this for so long?
Nikky may ruin his plans with
her naive attitude.
He picked his phone to update
her.
*on the phone*
Nikky: hmmmm you remember
me today?
Rodelio: i’d always remember
you, atleast till i get what i
want.
Nikky: our plans are ruined,
any Idea?
Rodelio: exactly why i called.
We need to talk.
Nikky: whats the plan?
Rodelio: meet me at Taste and
Feel restuarant by 7pm today.
Nikky: you know what? You’ar
always a bossy jerk.
Rodelio: thanks for the
compliment, don’t keep me
waiting.
*************************************
Kate: i notice for the past
30minutes, you’ve been staring
at your finger and smiling,
whats the secret?
Ella: mother guess what!!!
Kate: you just won a lottery?
Ella: (funny face) uuuuuhhh
attempt failed, try another.
Kate: eh…uhm….lets see…..you
recieved a promotion letter?
Ella: nah. Isaiah re-proposed to
me in a church!!! Before a
priest!!!!
Kate: how sweet! You two
made up?
Ella: yes…..you were right
mum, after listening to his own
part of the story, i realise
everything was only but a
misunderstanding.
Kate: i told you! So when is the
wedding? (winks)
Ella: mother? Its only been
months since we started
dating.
Kate: and who says dating
must last a specific period of
time?
Ella: besides we haven’t met
his parents.
Kate: speaking of that, sinulog
is at hand, its a good
opportunity to visit his family
in Cebu, don’t you think?
Ella: thats right! Lets see how
it goes.
*************************************
Nikky called earlier this
morning and cancelled our
supposed appointment.
Who even want to met her?
Mtcheeeew.
Ella and i went to the movies,
we agreed on attending
sinulog together.
Uuuuhhmm Sinulog is a
famous festival in philippine,
its held in Cebu city.
The festival is characterised by
a very long parade with many
groups of persons dressed in
colorful attires.
It has always enjoyed
international recognition, i
wouldn’t miss it for
anything!!!!
Dunno why, but i felt this urge
of getting married ASAP.
What of Nikky? She wouldn’t
let that happen but she must!!
What about her child? Oh God
am really confused right now.
Hang on, i haven’t set my eyes
on the kid shes talking about,
and today that i thought i
would, she postponed our
appointment.
It seems the kid never existed,
yeah! This is one of her
schemes.
*************************************
Nikky met with Rodelio, she
kinda like the plan, though its
gonna be hard on here, but
most definitely, there would be
light at the end of the tunnel
for her.
She missed sinulog alot, during
her years in the state.
She was determined to attend
this years’
what of Tomas? He can’t go
with them, she wouldn’t leave
him behind either.
Its now time for his treatment,
she told herself.
The following morning, They
(Nikky & Nenita) took Tomas
to the hospital.
The doc said he would be
needing a cornea transplant.
Nikky paid him off and left.
*************************************
I was at home alone, watching
TV when suddenly i heard a
knock on the door.
I asked whoever was there to
come in.
Lo Nikky entered, she was with
a kid who shouldn’t be more
than 6years.
How the heck did she get my
address? Why is she here! Who
is that kid!
Oh God hope its not what am
thinking!!!!!!

>>

A small boy asks his Dad, “Daddy, what is politics?”

Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me Capitalism. Your mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the People. The nanny, we’ll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense.” So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father having sex with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.” The father says, “Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.” The little boy replies, “Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in Deep Shit.Related

1. WE CAN'T MARRY - If you can spend more
than
N2000 painting your nails. Haba! Even the
full gallon
of paint that can paint 2-bedroom flat sef is
N1,800
2. WE JUST CAN'T MARRY - If as a lady, your
soup
always finishes before your eba.. It means you
can't
manage a matrimonial home.
3. SORRY WE CAN'T MARRY - If the heels on
your
shoe is higher than your school result
4. - BIKO WE CAN'T MARRY - If you are too
fat.
People will easily assume am feeding you with
pig feed
6. WE CANNOT JUST MARRY - If
Indomie instant
noodles is your favourite food. Pls that's not
what I
intend to be eating when I marry o
8. WE JUST CANNOT FIT MARRY - If you're
not
well endowed in your chest region (milk
factory). For
Christ sake, what will me and my children feed
on?
9. WE CAN'T FIT BE ABLE TO MARRY - If you
have a very beautiful younger or elder sister.
Plso, I
want to be a faithful husband so I don't want
any
temptation around.
10. WE CAN'T FIT BE ABLE TO SABI MARRY -
If
my family is richer than your family. Biko, I
don't
want to come and be shouldering unnecessary
responsibilities o
11. WE CANNOT FIT BE ABLE TO SABI GET
MARRY - If, and I repeat if, you have an
albino or an imbecile
in your family, no sorry, in your generation.
Biko I
take God beg you, I no want that in my family
oo
12. WE JUST CAN'T SABI FIT MARRY - Ifyou
didn't notice there was no number 5 &7 in this
write
up...hehehe stop checking jor, you were
successfully
fooled.
#GBAM !!! #nahJokeOoooo #B-gof #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-20 01:41:41

609 Views




Jeeto went to the doctor and told him: “Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm.”

“Hmmmm! What are you taking for it?”

Jeeto: Pepper!Related

THREE TIMES [Read it]


A reverend father was called away for
an emergency. Not wanting to leave the
confessional unattended, he called his
reverend brother friend from across the
street and asked him to cover for him.
The brother told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the reverend father
told him to come on over and he would
stay with him for a little bit and show
him what to do. The brother came and
he and the reverend father were in the
confessional. A few minutes later, a woman came in
and said, "Father, forgive me for I have
sinned." The reverend asked, "What did you do?" The woman said, "I committed
adultery." Reverend: "How many times?" Woman: "Three times." Reverend: "Say two Hail Mary's, put
1,000 Naira in the box and go and sin
no more." A few minutes later, a man entered the
confessional. He said, "Father forgive
me for I have sinned." Reverend: "What did you do?" Man: "I committed adultery." Reverend: "How many times?" Man: "Three times." Reverend: "Say two Hail Mary's, put
1,000 Naira in the box and go and sin
no more." The brother told the reverend that he
thinks he has got it so the reverend left.
A few minutes later, another woman
entered and said, "Father, forgive me
for I have sinned." Brother: "What did you do?" Woman: "I committed adultery." Brother: "How many times?" Woman: "Once." Brother: "Go and do it two more times.
We have a special offer this week, three
for 1,000 Naira."
#?BOLLY_SMART?™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-21 07:22:44

293 Views




CONFESSION
Episode 2

I have seven siblings from two
mothers and one
father. My father married my
stepmother after my
mother was unable to give birth
to a child after six
years of marriage. As if controlled
by some external spirit, my
mother
took in few months after my
stepmother was
brought home by my father.
However, my
stepmother was already
pregnant. Kenneth my
eldest brother was born by my
stepmother before
Osarugue, my sister, was born.
Kelvin came next from my
stepmother’s womb,
and then I did from my mother’s.
My mother took
over the baton completely by
giving birth to two
other children -Victory and Nosa-
giving her a
perfect number of two males and
two females. My
stepmother balanced the
equation by giving birth to a set
of female twin twelve years after
I was
born. Father was hardly ever at
home while I was
growing up, and even up till
now, he is rarely at
home. He spent more time away
doing business
than taking care of us at home.life was sweet.
Really sweet,playing with my brothers and sisters.
People said polygamous homes are not peaceful but our own home broke that theory.We lived in peace that strangers can never notice the home was polygamous.Theyalways allowed us play anything we wanted to.They never had time to follow us around or spy on us since they were always busy breaking melon and should i say gossiping.
Our father
only spent four
days in a month with us, until
recently he
increased it to six days. He claims
he is doing his best to ensure we
have a good life.I never had time to be with my dad,to know and learn things from him,just like other children. I appreciate
his efforts though, but it is unwise to
shop a shoe for a
foot that has been cut off from
the body.
From one movie to
another, the TV became
irresistible. Sometimes, we would
watch movies
up till midnight before my
stepmother would send
us out of the living room like
tenants owing rent. ……..
WATCH OUT FOR EPISODE 3


>>

1. Your shoes are the first thing people
subconsciously notice about you. Wear nice shoes.
2. If you sit for more than 11 hours a day, there's a
50% chance that it will make you severely sick in 2
yrs. 3. There are at least 6 people in the world who look
exactly like you. There's a 9% chance that you'll
meet one of them in your lifetime.
4. Sleeping without a pillow reduces back pain and
keeps your spine stronger.
5. A person's height is determined by their father, and their weight is determined by their mother.
6. If a part of your body "falls asleep",
you can almost always "wake it up" by shaking
your head.
7. There are three things the human brain cannot
resist noticing - Food, attractive people and danger 8. Right-handed people tend to chew food on their
right side
9. Putting dry tea bags in gym bags or smelly shoes
will absorb the unpleasant odour.
10. According to Albert Einstein, if honey bees were
to disappear from earth, humans would be dead within 4 years.
11. There are so many kind of apples, that if you ate
a new one everyday, it would take over 20 years to
try them all.
12. You can survive without eating for weeks, but
you will only live 11 days without sleeping. 13. People who laugh a lot are healthier than those
who don't.
14. Laziness and inactivity kills just as many people
as smoking.
15. A human brain has a capacity to store 5 times as
much information as Wikipedia 16. Our brain uses same amount power as 10-watt
light bulb!!
17. Our body gives enough heat in 30 mins to boil
1.5 litres of water!!
18. Stomach acid (conc. HCl) is strong enough to
dissolve razor blades!! 19. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. & while
you walk, SMILE. It is the ultimate antidepressant.
20. Do you know my name is Aboderin Oludele Nomolos=>AoN #Dont take No 20 personal,just dont know what to write there #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-14 10:14:09

509 Views




A lady comes home from her doctor's
appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her
husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife
says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year
old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year
old." "Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did
he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She
said, "Your name never came up in the
conversation."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-05 23:06:08

684 Views



Dont Give Up [Read it]


I get to know some keys in this world
If you fail, never give up because.
F.A.I.L. means" First Attempt in Learning,
E.N.D. End is not end, in fact E. N. D means" Effort never Die.
If you get no as an answer, REMEMBER, NO means" Next Opportunity"
NEVER GIVE UP


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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The pastor [Read it]


some group of rubbers went into a church and shouted "who is the son of God!!!?"
There was no answer.
Then the rubbers repeat again: “whos is the son of God"
There was still no replies.
The rubbers became angry and shot 2 bullet in the air and said "for the last time,who is d son of God??"
With fear the church members replied. "It is the pastor, he always says I am the son of God".
Then d pastor shouted."why are you all conspiring against me? My name is obinna, the son of Mazi Okon the great hunter which is the son of Mazi Okonkwo the great herbalist...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-23 15:44:24

1144 Views




There were three people, Kwame, Kisulu
and Akpos, stranded on an island.
Kwame looked over the water to the
mainland and estimated about 20 miles
to shore. So he announced, "I'm going
to try to swim to shore." So he swam out five miles and got really tired. He
swam out ten miles from the island,
and he was too tired to go on, so he
drowned. Kisulu said to himself, "I wonder if the
Kwame made it. I guess it's better to try
to get to the mainland than stay here
and starve." So he attempts to swim
out. Kisulu had a lot more endurance than
Kwame, as he swam out 10 miles before
he even got tired. After 15 miles, he was
too tired to go on, so he drowned. So Akpos thought to himself, "I wonder
if they made it! I think I should better
try to make it, too." So he swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15
miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but he said,
"I'm too tired to go on!" So he swam back.
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-06 21:48:14

362 Views




Krishh3 songs are the Reason Why Jaadu refuse to Return to Earth ????Related

If Akala sells bleachin cream, buy am NA
ORIGINAL
-If Torres is alone in front of goal, dont
panic HE WON'T SCORE
-If Drogba sells juju charms, patronize
him, NA CONFIRM -If Patience Jonathan
turns
English
teacher, no go her school oo, NA FAKE
-If armed robbers visit Emirates stadium,
don't worry, THEY WONT VISIT TROPHY
CABINET. -If Messi hold ball, if e balance,
if you like warn your defenders, NA SURE
GOAL
-If Alex Ferguson sells chewin gum, buy
NA ORIGINAL
-If Boko Haram plans to bomb ur area, no
be play play o, RELOCATE
-If IBB says 'Good morning fellow Nigerians
OPEN
YOUR WINDOW TO
CONFIRM
-IF Ronaldo promise to score in a match...
Abeg go play NAIRABET....?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

you are free to add yours



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-02 07:44:25

115 Views




I was seriously attacked... Please thank God for me. They attacked me at about 2:30am. They came into my room while i was sleeping. I heard their sound as they move towards me to attack me. i had no choice but to defend my self. I quickly struck. My neighbors heard the chaotic sound that was emerging from my room and where wondering what was wrong. I eventually hit the second one too. My hands where stained with blood. Thats how i killed the two Giant mosquitoes attempting to suck my blood. Hahahaha, i caught u!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-12 21:32:33

977 Views




Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it.

-Charles R. SwindollRelated

Few of the church members rushed to help her. Obed quickly left the organ and went to her aid,
only to find that Mansa was seriously bleeding
with
blood flowing from her thighs to the legs.
She was quickly rushed to the nearest hospital
which happened to be Riri’s working place. She was lead into the emergency room leaving
Chris, Kuu, Mrs Amposah and Obed at the OPD.
Riri at that moment was no where to be found, as
to whether she came with them to the hospital,
no
body knew. The last time the church members actually set
their eyes on her was before the incident at
Church. You are reading "Tears of a Bleeding Heart
episode 15,16 and 17"
You can click here for more stories www.facebook.com/mrcouple4u Now, Kuu had gotten the opportunity he always
wanted to meet Obed. There he is, face to face
with
Obed. He went straight to him and said.
†I want us to talk, now †Kuu said.
“I see, and you think this is the appropriate time
for it? Obed asked.
“Well, we can make it appropriate.†Kuu said.
“Alright, fair enough†said Obed.
“Good, at the car park, in the next 5 minutes.â
€ Kuu said and left him.
He went Straight to the car park and patiently
waited for Obed to come.
In no time Obed showed up at the car park where
Kuu was waiting.
“I see you are really good at your time†Kuu said.
“What is it? just go on with what you called
me
here for †said Obed.
“Anyway, what do you want from Mansa? Tell
me? When did she even meet you that you claim you
are the father of her unborn child? †Kuu
furiously
asked him.
†I can tell you are really worried about that.
Obed said.
“Yes, because you are liar and a crook. That
unborn baby belongs to me and no other personâ

Kuu said.
“So meaning you raped her, i should call the police
on you now †Obed threatened.
Kuu didn’t realize that he will go to that
extent. He
didn’t even think of the fact that he admitting
the responsibility of her pregnancy is enough
evidence
to put him behind bars for rape charges.
He got a bit scared, he knew as soon Mansa
reports the issue, that will be his end. His actions
became obvious to the notice of Obed. “I see you are scared Kuu, how could you do
such
a thing? Obed asked.
“I am not proud of what i did, i was misledâ€
Kuu
said. “Misled? How? By who? Obed asked.
“Its a long story, Obed.†Kuu said.
“We have time, don’t we? Said Obed.
†I’m in love with Mansa. I thought its not
morally
right to be in love with someone who is supposed to be your adopted sister. My brother Chris knew
about it. He told me that, He had spoken to Mansa
about my feelings even to the extent of he
claiming
Mansa loved me as well. I was made to know that
Mansa wanted to see me that night. He gave me a handkerchief, which he claimed it
was from Mansa to me.
Since it was going to be the first time, i wanted to
pull a prank on her by wearing a face mask just to
scare her a little before revealing myself.
Indeed, i succeeded in getting her scared, she began shouting so i placed the handkerchief on
her lips to keep her quiet.
Then i took the mask off, only to noticed that she
was motionless but was breathing.
At that moment, i also thought she was pulling a
prank on me because my mask was off. I tried kissing her, she didn’t respond, but my lust
couldn’t control me. I had intercourse with her
without noticing that there was something wrong
with her.
It was until i saw her bleeding that i realized she
was actually unconscious. I got scared and out of my guilty conscience i had to escape.
I told my brother about it only for him to
completely ignore me, i was actually raping her
without even noticing.†Kuu revealed all that had
actually happened.
Obed was in complete silence for a while and said “Kuu you acted Childishly†Obed said.
Back at the OPD, the doctors was done attending
to Mansa. Chris by then was taking a stroll leaving
Mrs Amposah alone at the OPD.
The doctor met her, and since she was the foster
mother of Mansa she deemed it necessary to let her know of her condition.
“Doctor, how is my daughter?†She asked.
“She is fine, but unfortunately she had a
miscarriage†The Doctor said.
“Oh no, Doc, can i see her? Mrs Amposah
asked. “Yeah, you can, she is asleep and i will advise
that
you don’t wake her up†The Doctor said and
left.
Mrs. Amposah quickly called Riri and updated her.
In no time she showed up and together with Mrs Amposah went to the ward were Mansa was.
Obed and Kuu were still at the car park having
their conversation.
Kuu was feeling sorry and guilty for his actions. He
really wanted to make amends for it.
“Kuu, there is something you need to know†Obed
said.
“what is It Obed? Tell me†Kuu asked.
“You and Mansa can never ever be together.
The
harm has already been caused, and its unfortunate
you can’t be with her†Obed said.
“Yeah, i understand, i know you have feelings
for
her thats why she is with you now†Kuu said.
“Am in love with Mansa, just as i love everyone.
She is a child of God and so is everyone but you
can’t be with her†Obed said.
†Why can’t i be with her? there should be
some
way out†Kuu said. His feelings was taking control over him, he was
really indeed in love with Mansa.
†Is not what you think, Kuu, Mansa is not your
foster sister, she is actually your step sisterâ€
Obed
revealed. To be continued

>>

Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbor & decided to go to a calm place to share the lot equally.
One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.
As they were jumping the big gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag.
Few minutes later, a drunkard on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying: "One For Me, One For U, One For Me, One For U".....
He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he could to a church nearby, for the priest.......................
"Father, pls come with me . Come & witness God & satan sharing corpse at the cemetery"......
They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice continued: "One For Me, One For U, One For Me, One For U'............
Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said:
"What About The Two At The Gate?"...........
Come see marathon race!.........
The priest almost ran pass the church gate..shouting:"We Are Not Dead Yet oohh!!!".


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-22 14:12:45

279 Views



hallelujah [Read it]


fellow christians, we have being making a mistake for long.its time for us to stop.
have u ever had tym to find the meaning of hallelujah. NO..so I will today tell you the meaning . the meaning of hallelujah is "praise the Lord". so now you see wat I am talking about.
when a pastor says"hallelujah" instead of saying amen we repeat the same "praise the' lord"which is tortology.
please help me spread this and God will bless you


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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A family of seven were at the early hours of Friday, burnt to death in a mysterious inferno that engulfed their home at Ayankor, Gboko East, in Gboko local government area of Benue state.

Saturday Vanguard gathered from an eyewitness that the inferno which started at about 1am, engulfed the block of three flats, killing a man and his wife, Mr. And Mrs. Lawani Oye and their five children.

Lawani Oye was said to be a popular automobile panel beater in Gboko while his wife was also a known business woman in the neighborhood.

According to the eyewitness who preferred anonymity, the fire which started when everyone had gone asleep razed the entire block of flats, though other occupants of the building managed to escape.

According to her, “the fire started at about 1am in Mr. Oye’s flat when everyone in the neighbourhood, including the victims of the inferno were asleep.

“It was his wife and mother of the dead children who we popularly call Mama Tunde, who raised the alarm that prompted other neighbours to rush out of their flats and after failing to fight the strange fire however managed to escape.

“Our pain about this tragic and unfortunate incident is that the same woman who died with her family in the fire was the one who raised the alarm that saved others. They were burnt beyond recognition.

“The whole thing is still a mystery to neighbors and no one can, at this moment, ascertain the cause of the inferno but the only clue we have is that their generator was on that night and by the time we went round after the fire, we saw that a lantern was positioned very close to the generating set.

Jeremy slowly turned the brass handle of the old door. He didn’t mind that it was dirtly, covered in dust and cobwebs. Surprisingly, the door gave way; creaking open. He maintained his pace, pushing it slowly. Soon enough, it was wide open, suitable for them to go through.

The scent that greeted him was familiar. It was strange. The whole house – parts that he’d been through smelled of dust and age. It was different here. The smell was feminine and it was hers. He looked around the room. His eyes slowly darting around it. She’d been kept here, she’d been in the room for days, but she was no where to be found.

His eyes caught a slender figure of a man. He was kneeling besides the window, his head bent. Who could that be? Jeremy mused, silently. Why wasn’t Purity here? What was happening? Without much ado, he hurried off to the unknown man, yanked him to himself and held him by the throat, trying to choke him. To his utmost surprise, it was Ernest.

“Where the fuck is she?” Jeremy roared, his eyes unreadable.

Ernest was taken aback when he felt a hand grab him roughly. He was unprepared to fight back. He let his cousin position his hands on his neck. That was what he wished for, he wanted death to take him away. He’d been so stupid, now she was never going to belong to him or his cousin. He displayed another act of stupidity by not even noticing the door creak and two people invaded his privacy; all because he had been absorbed in his thoughts. He was mourning his loss, his failure.

“Answer me!” Jeremy demanded, choking him.

Ernest had wanted to speak. It was impossible. Very strong hands blocked the easy flow of words in him. He remained mute, bearing the pains as his punishment for being stupid.

“Let him go,” he heard another voice order. He shifted his gaze. That was the man he had met the night he cleared the room for Purity. He had also been fooled by him – all the more reason he wished to die.

“Let him go,” Darren instructed a second time. He held out his gun and pointed it at Ernest. “He can’t speak when he’s about to be strangled. And you have no right to take a life. I can handle this.”

The anger burned more fiercly within Jeremy as he listened to Darren’s lecture. Resignedly, he removed his hands from Ernest’s throat. Darren was right. “Good thing he saved you from my wrath!” he grunted.

“I….think….. I deserved that,” Ernest responded amidst coughing gasping for air.

“Don’t you-”

“Hold it!” Darren commanded, just in time to stop Jeremy from putting a punch on Ernest’s mouth. “I got this.”

“How did you find me?” Ernest questioned, unafraid.

“You should be worried about what’s gonna happen to you and not that,” Darren replied.

Ernest tittered, “I don’t care about that anyway. She’s gone.”

*
*
*

David sighed. Dealing with the new version of Tricia Cayson was of more importance to him. That was his promise to his late wife. “I was busy before you came in. We can talk about that later,” he spoke his mind, rejecting the offer to get busy to work.

“Its-”

“I beg to disagree sir,” came Allan’s voice, cutting Detective Myles off, “It does affect me personally and I need immediate action.”

“Who are you?” David demanded. He was already irritated.

“Allan. Doctor Allan,” he boldly answered, smiling.

Tricia froze on hearing that name. A million and one thoughts ran across her mind. He had come to report Purity’s case to the cops? Does he have any evidence implicating her and Ernest? Oh, no! Not in the presence of her papa. He’d lose his trust, more of it in her. He’d be disappointed in her. He’d resnt her, never love her or care for her. She had brought disgrace to him and she’d be all alone in the world.

“What can I do for you, Dr. Allan?” David asked.

Allan and Myles fully entered the room.

“This is a private investigation,” Myles informed Supt David. “Do you mind if you do this alone?”

David shook his head. He wasn’t gonna let Tricia out of his sight. Its time she started taking her profession seriously – just as he does. “Nope. Let me do some introductions,” he swiftly turned Tricia to face the men. “This is my daughter, Tricia Cayson. Tricia, meet Myles, another superintendent and a man with an urgent case – Dr. Allan.”

Tricia’s entire body quivered under the gaze of the doctor. She was short of words. Didn’t know what to say to him. She hadn’t yet cooked up a device on how to deal with him, she was facing him again. She sucked at unplanned visits. She nodded mechanically, in replacement of her not-to-be-found-words.

Allan smiled silly. “Nice to meet you, again.”

Myles had no idea what was happening.

“You two know eachother?” David enquired.

“Where are you taking me?” Purity demanded for the umpteenth time. She was bundled up, riding in a red SUV in the middle of two bloody looking men. “Let me go!” she spat out.

“Shut up!” one of the men chided. His eyes narrowed at her. “Don’t make any more sound!”

Purity snorted, “I demand to know! I have every right to, where are you taking me?”

“For the very last time,” he warned again. “Shut your mouth up!”

The feeling of rage burning within her was instense, it intensified as the man kept rebuking her. That, she wouldn’t take. She didn’t know them, never seen them all her life. “Where the hell is Ernest? Who are you people? Leave me alone!” she defied their orders outrightly. She wouldn’t be taken to a place she never knew of without a fight. For Ernest to abduct her and put her through hell was what she could pull through. She knew what he was capable of doing and that he’d never hurt her. Presently, she was with men she had never seen in her entire life, riding to an unknown destination. She couldn’t understand why all that was happening. Her life was suddenly upturned. Jeremy never even came for her. All her hopes were dashed. She’d depend soley on herself. “Just give me an answer! Where are you taking me to? Where is Ernest Turner?”

*
*
*

“What do you mean ‘she’s gone?'” Jeremy retorted.

Ernest coughed and spat out. “He doublecrossed me. He betrayed me. She’s gone,” he repeated.

What was he talking about? Betrayed? By who? He was speaking in riddles. “Just get to the point,” Jeremy snarled. “Where is she?”

Ernest didn’t think much about it. He had no option than to open up to them. He musn’t have Melisa. He’d do what he could to correct his mistakes. He didn’t get what he wanted. He cleared his throat, “Jayden Cristiano. He helped me. Promised to make her mine. It was all a trick. He took advantage of my desperation. How much I wanted to be with her. Now, she’s on her way to him. We didn’t plan it this way,” he lamented. “She was to be with me and not him.”

Jeremy sank deeper into confusion as he listened to Ernest’s story. He sighed. Only if he knew it’d be this difficult and confusing.

“You know where he’s taking her to?” Darren questioned.

“I do.”

“Move it! We’re going to get her.”

*
*
*

“Jeremy, I’m sorry,” Ernest admitted that he was wrong. He regretted his actions. Few words had changed him. Words he never wanted to affect him. They did have very powerful effects on him.

“Don’t you think its too late for that?” Jeremy asserted, sarcastically.

“I know…. I know I’ve been wrong. I feel guilty, remorse for what I’ve done.”

Jeremy scoffed. “Then you must have felt it when you had her for days! Much more, even before you did all of these!”

“I love her! I felt I was doing it for love and she’ll get to love me back.”

“Screw you!” Jeremy snarled.

Ernest exhaled. He never imagined apologising to anyone. He had never been in the wrong. He wasn’t fallible. He could do whatever he wished. He could get anyting he wanted, nothing could stop him. That was how he was taught – by his mother. He had lived that way; always getting what he wanted till he met Melisa. Now he realized his mother was wrong. Getting what you wanted always doesn’t bring real happiness. Letting go and making others happy actually brought real peace of mind. A doctor made him understand that and he was going to right his wrongs. “Are you going to at least listen to me?”

Darren sighed. This was a family issue – meant for them only. He wasn’t gonna interfere. They both deserved to voice out their feelings and make decisions.

“Yeah, I’d wanna listen to a whole lot of crap,” Jeremy spat out. Apologies and all that bullshit were the last things he wanted to hear. He only wanted his demon of a cousin to bring back his Purity safe, without any scratch. Maybve after that he’d give a thought to what he was saying.

*
*
*

“Um, yeah,” Allan answered still smiling. He knew she’d expect him to spill the bean. But he was too smart for that. He was going to take everything slow and steadily. “We’ve ran into eachother a couple of times when Jeremy Broderick was hospitalized,” he said, giving her some advantage.

Tricia heaved a sigh of relief. She was relieved he kept his mouth shut. How was she sure he’d had other plans, waiting to be unravelled. She waved such thoughts aside. Feeling fagged out, she wanted to leave, get home, shower and sleep.


>>

If you read this really hilarious joke, you’ll simply die laughing.

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I really care for you well-being. That’s why I didn’t send the message to you!Related

final wish [Read it]



A man was about dying. In his last request, he
pleaded with his wife to marry Joe.
WIFE: Joe? Isn't he your worst enemy? The very
one who wants you dead?
HUSBAND: Yes. Marry him!
WIFE: No, I wont!
HUSBAND: Please do!
WIFE: Why?
HUSBAND: Because all these years I have
suffered, let him suffer too!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-22 16:07:26

387 Views



question [Read it]


There are 5 birds on a tree, 4 birds decided to fly, how many bird where on the tree..


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-29 21:58:30

402 Views




Being rude to men will only earn you more days in your father's compound... #advice


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-13 14:48:48

715 Views




RAIN OF LOVE=>WRITE UP BY DINDY
do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission,thank you for reading this write up...

Rain a blessing to the land and people,rain a sign of change in the harvesting season or weather or place,rain a sign of new thing,a sign of fresh life,rain a sign of good things,rain a sign of freedom.
Rain means alot to different people in different situation or similar situation,rain is a way the sky tells the ground ' I LOVE YOU AND I WILL NEVER LET YOU GO DRY FOREVER',
The way in which the sky loves the ground is a unique love called 'TRUE LOVE' and that love is not common in human life because we don't take example from the sky above(this is the kind of love God have for us humans but some of us don't know that, and some have failed to understand why he loves us that way).
The sky is so high up there but it still remembers the ground(if it is some people they won't even care about you,they will totally downgrade you because you are not up to their level or position) ,although sometimes it takes time for the sky to release rain, but at the end it still sends rain coming down(this is the same has God,even if God takes time to answer our prayers,it is for a reason, and you don't know maybe if that your prayer is answered immediately people might try to destroy it or you might destroy it by your own hands).
Sometimes the sky shows the ground too much love and that is what causes flood,but let us be real here,should they be annoyed? or thankful for the flood?. those people that are crying for their lost properties and hopes caused by the flood ,have they ever thought of others without rain or water for years and years(like seriously who would?),have they come to the understanding that the sky is in love with the ground?(well i guess no),do they know that some people are even praying for their lands to be flooded by water(I still guess no)because of the excessive lack of water.
I know it really hurts but you just have to be thankful,I know it won't be easy to be thankful for your lost(believe me it is totally hard).
RAIN IS A FRUIT OF TRUE LOVE THAT NEVER ENDS, I REALLY THINK I SHOULD START ACTING LIKE THE RAIN AND I THINK YOU GUYS SHOULD TOO.
MY NAME IS NNAMDI AKA DINDY AND I WROTE THIS WRITE UP.LEARN FROM WHAT YOU READ NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND.THANKS FOR READING...........................WRITE UP BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI.........whatsapp number:07087750433.... [email protected]@gmail.com or [email protected] facebook name:Ossy Andy Nnamdi.......Skype: 07087750433 or [email protected].................Twitter:@nnamdiossy







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9JA we dey try [Read it]


America NO PASS Naija JOOR!!!
Everything they get we get am too;
They get Mohammed Alli, we get Bash Alli.
They get T. pain, we get T.maya.
They get T.I, we get M.I.
They get 2-pac, we get 2- face.
They get Beyonce, we get Tiwa savage.
They get Lil wayne, We get Terry G.
They get Timberland, We get DON JAZZY!
They get wiz khalifa, we get wiz kid.
They get Hollywood,we get nollywood
They get Silicon valley, we get Computer
village.
They get Mac Donnalds, we get Mr. Biggs.
They get Las Vegas, we get Lasgidi.
They get Miami Beach, we get Lekki Beach.
They get Al Paccino, we get Peter Edochie.
They get Pirate of d Caribbean, we get Pirate of
Aba.
They get beauty and the beast we get Bianca
and
Ojukwu,
They get Mr Bean, we get Mr Ibu,
They get American Lotto, we get Baba Ijebu.
They fear Al Qaeda, we fear Boko Haram abi na
lieeeeee??


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-25 16:20:19

175 Views




Sincere Apology: If U don’t like any of my SMS & don’t like to read them, then plz don’t hesitate, feel free to throw ur mobile!Related

Please help me pray 4 my neighbour's daughter.We are on our way 2 d hospital now. She swallowed Memory Card (8G) & she has been singing all d songs on it. We don't know wat wil happen wen she gets 2 d videos folder.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-27 17:59:23

619 Views




Boys should tell their trousers that it’s rude to point!Related

In the class, the lecturer stated his principles,
did the introductory part of his lecture, gave us
the course outlines then concluded by saying we
would start fully next week before he left. The
class immediately got noisy as hell, people
running from different angles to one spot, the
place where that girl was seated, what? who is
this girl sef?? a celebrity i don’t know

They even tried to take photos with her but were
prevented by her bodyguards. They were
screaming around her before her bodyguards
guarded her out of the class.

Myself went out to eat something, i was passing
by when i sighted her at the most expensive
eatery in the school, i guess she saw me too but
i didn’t care. One thing about me is that, i don’t
compare myself with rich kids because…. i
believe that their fathers/mothers might even
suffered more than me, so they might decide to
work hard so their children won’t suffer the way
they did. So, me thinking about that is a
motivation for me to work hard for my own
children.

I went to a eatery i could afford, ate, rest a little,
then headed to class for the next lectures.
The lecturers came, did their introductions in
anticipation for next week’s normal lectures.
Once the lecturers left, those bodyguards would
come in to protect their princess.

I left the class for I.D card office to get my I.D,
after waiting in the queue for several minutes,
they told me my I.D isn’t ready yet. On leaving
the place i saw two people at once, I saw Esther
coming from the east and Mirabel from the west
stepping down from her car, with me at the
south side. I don’t want any of them to see me,
unfortunately there’s nothing i could do. If i
should head north, they would both see me. I
immediately thought of something, i’ve always
liked west-side ‘coz of 2pac Shakur, U know
during the West coast and East coast beef
between Notorious B.I.G and 2pac…
2pac rep West-Side. So i decided to take the
west route, I walked passed her while she did
the same, i didn’t say nothing while she didn’t
even look my side. On looking her, i can’t tell
what kind of person she was, she was kind of
different. But on a normal sense, i’d say she’s
arrogant.

I don’t like arrogant people who thinks highly of
themselves, they irritates me especially when
they feel superior over others.
The introductory week passed, i got my I.D
different guys rushing to try their luck in wooing
Mirabel, i dunno how it went but looking at her
reaction, i guess she didn’t give them a chance.
They didn’t stop though, all those swagging
guyz, guyz with cars and money from different
department kept trying.

??????
Normal lectures began, i paid attention to every
single knowledge the lecturers impacted, i don’t
miss any lectures, got a semi-friend Titus by
name and a good female friend Promise who
was the assistant class rep, intelligent but i
assisted her alot. She alone knows about my
intelligence as i don’t like showing myself to get
attention. It was Promise that advised me to be
answering questions in the class and help
students that needs help. She said…

??????
My day wasn’t that bad but i had to rest a lot
by sleeping… i sleep a lot which made mum
always complain that i sleep much yet i don’t
get fat, because i was a slim guy but i like my
stature though.
Phone rings

Me: Hello
Uncle: Hello, how are u?
Me: Fine sir. Long time sir
Uncle: So u know that, yet u don’t call
Me: Not like that sir
Uncle: How is it?

I don’t enjoy lieing or arguments, so i just
accepted the blame.

Me: Sorry sir
Uncle: U know things aint done that way, we’re
family
Me: I know sir, wont happen again
Uncle: Better not.
Me: Yes sir
Uncle: U’re in school right?
Me: Yes sir
Uncle: I just confirmed from your mum
Me: Ok sir
Uncle: I trust u that u’re studying hard right?
Me: Yes sir
Uncle: Good. Send me your account details let
me see what i can do.
Me: *happy* Ok sir, thank u sir
Uncle: Thank God, i will always support u, just
don’t betray us boy
Me: Sure sir
Uncle: Alright take care of yourself. Don’t forget
to send me your account details. Bye.

Me: Bye sir, thank u sir.

Wow! extra money coming… i love my family
jare. With that i decided to treat myself for the
night. Coming to school is like a new source of
income for me as i worked in a computer
business centre that made me save a lot before
starting school. Now more money from one
relative or another, cool! Good thing i don’t
womanize and i don’t drink alcohol.

I went to a nearby suya spot which later became
my favourite. I bought #300 suya, went into a
shop got myself hollandia yoghurt and 3 eggs. I
got home, prepared indomie and enjoy myself as
a student for the night. Then i thought about
what Promise had told me earlier
“If Martin Luther had kept his knowledge to
himself, he wouldn’t had become great“

I thought about it over and over then agreed
with her after some time.
Time for everyone to know who Victor Vames is
I said to myself silently.

To Be Continued…

>> Part 4 -

A person isn’t who they are during the last conversation you had with them – they’re who they’ve been throughout your whole relationship.

~ Rainer Maria RilkeRelated

Modi Ji Roz Kahte Hein \”Achhe Din Aane Waale Hein\”;

Kyunki

.

.

.

.

.

.

Summer Vacations Mein Sabki Biwiyan Maayke Jaane Wali Hein!Related

JOKE PART 16 BY DINDY
There is no problem masturbating on the bed.
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
The problem is when your mum knocks and you remember that you forgot to lock the door....lol
#DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 17.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-09-26 23:20:38

211 Views




Akpos goes to the ATM and withdraws all his money. Then goes inside the same bank and deposits the same money he withdrew telling the teller that, my money is not safe outside in the ATM...people are just withdrawing anyhow and they can end up withdrawing my money. Keep my money inside the bank. #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-22 11:08:04

880 Views




Below is the CV of a prospective job seeker of his CV.


CURRYCOLOM VITAL NAME: Don Frank Igho aka THE KILLER


SEX: 3-4 times a week


JENDER: Mail


MARINTAL STARTOS: Polygamous boyfriend


DAYT OF BET: 6th/Ceptenba/1972


YEAR OF GRANDUASHION: Orgust/2014


CURSE OF STUDY: Englich/Lingwistick


Do you think this person will get a job with the CV above?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-15 08:16:18

234 Views



April-fool [Read it]


On 2nd April As Akpan Was Coming Back From School,he Was Jubilating,singing Praises,"as He Went Home His Father Called And Said"this One U Are So Happy Like This"what Is It?Hmm! Papa U Will Not Undersd"said Akpan"infact Papa I Have Made It.And His Father Said Ok Now Can U Tell Me What It Is,,.Akpan Said 'papa, I Have Win Free Education And I Will Be Send To U.S.A To Go And School There For Free.His Father Said No Problem But When Are U People Traveling? Akpan Said On 20th Of Dis Month Papa.Ok B/4 That Time I Will Know What 2 Do,'said His Father.He Started Preparing For Him, He Sold His Only Car And Even One Piece Of Land That Belong 2 Him,he Also Went 2 The Bank And Boro #500.000.As He Was Doing All This Things He Never Discursed Any Thing To Akpan Until 19th Night As He Finished,he Called His Son"akpan"and He Answered''sir'and His Father Said 2 Him,u Know U Will Travel Tomorrow 2 U.S.A,so As U Will Go There Try And Read Hard,hiee! Akpan Shouted Nd Said'Dat Was April Fool Oo.Guess Wat Akpan Father Do 2 Akpan.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-17 17:57:05

493 Views



Technology [Read it]


I can never never be impressed by technology until am able to download food


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-21 06:09:16

299 Views



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