Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Ram aur Raavan ka bada serious yudh chal raha tha. Tabhi Raavan ne Ram ke peechay kisi ko khada dekha.


Raavan: Chal yaar bye.


Ram: Kya hua?


Raavan: Kuch nahi yaar bas bye, le sita ko leja.


Ram: Arrey hua kya, ruk to sahi.


Raavan: Nahi yaar, achha I am sorry. Ok?


Ram: Dost nahi hai… Bata to sahi hua kya???


Raavan: Kuch nahi bhai baat hi khatam, no tension, no fikar… bas maje hi maje.


Ram: Nahi pehle bata plssssss, tujhe meri kasam, kya hua???


Raavan: Bas rehne de yaar, itni si baat pe tune Rajinikanth ko bula liya…Related

A monkey and a baboon were sitting besides eachother during a church service on a beautiful and memorable Sunday morning , the Pastor said to the congregation " Look at your neighbour and say to him/her , you are wonderfully and beautifully made by God " ... Then the monkey turned to his neighbour and then turned back and shouted " Pastor , come and tell him by yourself , because i can not lie in the house of God "


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-14 10:54:27

464 Views




Smoking one cigarette makes your life 11 minutes shorter. A good fuck makes it last 15 minutes longer. So smokers…FUCK FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!Related

Well, it’s a first and last time I hope I’m getting married, and of course it is different circumstances that I’m in.

~ Novak Djokovic, on his recent marriage to long-time girlfriend Jelena RisticRelated

Action is the foundational key to all success.

-Pablo PicassoRelated

BROKEN SEAL 2
EPISODE 23

Officer Murdock sneaked his
way behind Rodelio, with a
gun pointed to Rodelio’s
temple, he said…..
Murdock: your guns down, else
i gun him down!!!
Rodelio motioned his boys to
surrender.
They submitted thier guns to
us, with their hands thrown in
the air.
Rodelio bent his head in raised
it sharply in the opposite
direction, he held Murdock’s
armed hand in the air and gave
him a knee kick in the
stomach.
Murdock was dazzled.
The officer with us, on the
ground floor shot Rodelio in
the stomach.
Rodelio felt the pain as blood
gushed out of his rib side.
He reached for a big portrait
on the wall and yanked it off.
He kicked the wall and it
turned open, it was a wall
door!!!!
He got in and bolted it.
Officer murdock regained
consciousness from his
moment of trance.
He tried opening the door but
it proved difficult, it
eventually opened after series
of stricking it hard with
different hard materials.
The wall door led to a tunnel
full of arms and ammunitions,
the Rodelio’s blood was
everywhere, he traced the
blood to an outlet of the
tunnel, d--n it!
Rodelio had escaped, but he
can’t go far because of his
condition.
***RODELIO***
He succeeded in getting out,
though his body hurt alot, he
was loosing so much blood.
He dragged himself to a
nearby hospital in calloDiaz a
small village.
***ELLA***
she scampered her way to a
very small village, where she
first met a trader, who should
be in her mid-fifties.
Ella: g….good day ma’am.
Woman: you look exhausted,
whats wrong?
Ella: i was kidnapped! May i
spend the night with you, if
you don’t mind?
Woman: of course! My house is
over there, lets go, you need
some rest.
Ella: thanks ma’am, please
don’t let anyone know about
this, my abductor may come
searching.
Woman: thats okay.
*************************************
Tomas came home late, at
about 8:05pm, to his surprise,
everyone were in the living
room, worst still the wore this
sad expression.
Angelo: you hung out late
today…….
Tomas: yes….er….i met this
lady, my wife actually.
She was helping me regain my
lost memory……hey! Why is
everyone moody?
Carolyne: haven’t you heard?
Tomas: heard? (scoffs) heard
what
Angelo: a young lady’s body
was found washed up on the
river bank……
Tomas: tell me its not Nikky’s.
Angelo: of course she’s the
one, though we weren’t able to
see her face, the face was
damaged by wild aquatic
animals.
Tomas: oh! Shît.
Angelo: her body is already in
the motuary, she would be
buried tomorrow #tears.
************************************
Rodelio’s men, Adrian included
were taken to the station.
Adrian admitted they held Ella
hostage, but he swore not to
have known where she
disappeared to.
The window to her bathroom
was shattered, a twine also
hung freely from the window.
Murdock: poor girl! If only she
was patient……its getting late,
tomorrow we shall search the
next village, perhaps she’s
hiding there.
Mark: thanks officer, hope
those guys would get the
treatment they deserve?
Murdock: i assure you that……
we’ve also sent reports across
all units, Rodelio would soon
be captured.
Me: hmmmmm.
Murdock: okay guys, catcha
tomorrow.
To be continued

>>

The animals of a jungle have decided to hold a meeting,the Lion has come,d tiger has cum,d elephant has cum,even d slowest animal snail has also cum,d snake has arrive,the goat has cum,mr and mrs monkey also there,but meeting hasn't started,can u Gues why?hmm u may nt knw The donkeys family are busy reading this joke!!!sheyiness blog#


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-06 10:28:30

471 Views




Did it never cross his mind that i was the one who should be what he wanted to be and not you? You were passive, honest and bookish. I was imaginative. I loved life. You lived it". He paused for breath before continuing.
"Well, that evening i signed up with the shows director. He was the greatest man i have ever met. He was everything i ever wanted in a father. Everything i ever wanted to be. He taught me everything i know. He made me everything i am, and brother, am i something!" He was on his feet now and was moving around, gesticulating, like an actor in a monologue scene. He looked animated.
"I called him Grand from the day i met him till he passed away. Everything about him looked grand". A shadow of sorrow crossed his face, but quickly faded. He looked the part of an actor, i had to admit.
"Grand's first words, i can never forget. He said: 'Son, you can become anything you want'. No one had ever said those words to me, as simple as they sounded. Grand went ahead and spent the eight years we were together teaching me how. We built a father-son relationship that i had never known possible. He loved me as his son. It was the excitement of who i was becoming that kept me sharp through what was to me a drudge medical school experience. I could have finished the best student, but i chose not to. I couldn't allow Dad that joy. In a funny twist of fate, i lost my two fathers within months of each other. It was the year i became this". He pointed to the Nightmare costume on the table.
"Now, Grand was not only a theatre and African Arts Professor, he was a devout black arts practitioner. He was the best that ever walked the earth. He could do anything. There was a day he was in class teaching his students and was in his office with me, and in Mary-Anne's room. All at the same time. Mary-Anne and some of his students confirmed the timing with me. It was the only time he ever made a public display of his powers. He had another life he lives apart from academics. He helped people with his powers at a price. Of all the knowledge he had, he taught me only one. He called it Soul Science. Processing new souls into more life for old souls. In effect, trading lives. I was shown the last stage of it the year he died. In the months leading to Grand's death, he told me he would die. I thought he should be able to elongate his own life, but he told me, it was the price he paid for the knowledge and powers he possessed. He said he wouldn't want his most profitable empire to collapse after his death, so he created me. He said one day, i would be tired of the life and i would want to live normal, so he made a legend for me. And then, this costume. The story i told you of Ebola Zaire Virus and everything. Yeah. That's it. Grand was my benefactor. The story and the fact that i would be succeeding him made me awesome to all the staff in this facility and the high-end clientele we service. It also gave me anonymity. Grand honed my acting talents that it was no problem living this life. With the exception of Mary-Anne and Ken here-" he pointed to Swarthy, "-nobody else knows what i am. They trust and fear the wisdom and powers of Grand".
.
My mind was processing the story he was telling. Was i looking for something amiss? His tale sounded out-of-this-world to me.
.
"Before he died, he gave his blessings to me to marry his only child, Mary-Anne. Baby, come over here". She did and he kissed her, looking at me as he did so. My expression must have looked very, very terrible because they seemed to shudder. Tango let her go and laughed uneasily. He obviously knew my thought towards him.
"Well, let me move on to more interesting parts of this story. When Grand died, four years ago, i took over this facility. This is where he cultured babies and used their souls to produce more life for his rich clients. This is the most profitable business on earth. You won't believe how much those spoilt, rich people would pay to live five more miserable years. How about 450million naira? Overhead cost is what you need to pay the people that kept supplying the girls and women and we have never run out of supply of men to get them pregnant. For security, our Chief Security Officer, Ken, recruits soulless ex-convicts. Our location is where no one can ever find. Clients, clinical and security staff, the girls and the men are always blindfolded before coming and when leaving. Except for the clients and staff, nobody gets to leave here. I come here and leave here at night when i have to. Ken keeps this place running. He has been doing that since Grand's days. This facility is one long, windowless unit and the architecture is camouflaged to look like the surrounding landscape. Google Earth can't see us. In effect, we do not exist. I have checked that myself. The clients keep referring others to this place and those ones keep coming. Grand obviously has an enduring reputation. It works.
.
#TO BE CONTINUED...#


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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what is the essence of life
when u have everything in life
at your disposal and no one in the world to share it with so
treat that man on the street right coz without him or her the
world would be so empty and lonely.
#THE ESSENCE OF LIFE
U NEED ME AND I NEED U TO SURVIVE
#B_Gof
#Aonomolos
# Boukoru Andy E
please save image below and share to frnds. stay bless







NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Ralph is driving home one evening, when he
suddenly realizes that it's his daughter's birthday
and he hasn't bought her a present. He drives to
the mall, runs to the toy store, and says to the
shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the
window?" In a condescending manner, she says,
"Which Barbie?" She continues, "We have Barbie
Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the
Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95,
Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes
Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for
$265.00." Ralph asks, "Why is the Divorced Barbie
$265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"
"That's obvious," the saleslady says. "Divorced
Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's
boat, Ken's furniture.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-05 23:01:22

533 Views




Khairat me mili khushi mujhe achchhi nhi lagti,



Sun le Aye Bewafa



Hum apne gamo me bhi jeete hai nawaabo ki tarah.Related

Santa: My new girlfriend really takes my breath away.

Banta: Wow! You lucky bastard. Where did you find her?

Santa: From an online Sex Toys Shop. She’s inflatable!Related

Joke by Dindy [Read it]


JOKE BY DINDY
Boy:please can I see your pix?
Girl:kk
.
.
Picture sent??
.
.
Picture received??
.
.
Boy:wow you look beautiful....you look so 24....how old are you?
Girl:I am 18
Boy:huh?.....i said your age not your junior sister's age.........lol
#DINDY WROTE THIS=> facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-30 21:20:43

420 Views




#2015-2019, Nigerians will be living
INCONCLUSIVE lives
Audu Abubakar's death - INCONCLUSIVE (until
we saw his burial pictures)
Kogi election - INCONCLUSIVE
Assets declaration - INCONCLUSIVE Niger Delta cleaning - INCONCLUSIVE
*Boko Haram war December deadline -
INCONCLUSIVE
*5k a month unemployment benefits -
INCONCLUSIVE
*Corruption fight no single person in prison - INCONCLUSIVE
*Bayelsa election - INCONCLUSIVE
*Saraki wahala - INCONCLUSIVE
Make I start to dey come home straight begin
celebrate my own Christmas and New Year with
my family before they make Chrismas and New Year celebrations INCONCLUSIVE. #May_God_Help_Us_All #B-goF #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-08 13:11:19

342 Views



MARA episode 7 [Read it]


I felt nauseous immediately I smelt the fresh fish Adejare said I should help him to prepare some fish sauce.
I felt reluctant to prepare it but who else would have done it? Taiwo and Kehinde wouldn’t be able to make it well.
It had been four weeks now that I realized I was pregnant and it was this week that he came back home from Abuja after such a long time.
As I filleted the fish and introduced them into the sauce on fish, the scarf I had used to cover my mouth couldn’t suffice as the smell gushed into my nose.
I ran to the toilet and started vomiting into the pit latrine!
“Are you pregnant?” I heard that voice so clear and sound
Adejare!
How did he know?
Was he following me?
I had taken measures to ensure that I wouldn’t be loud and it amazed me how he knew.
My hair on my body stood up straight
“Are you pregnant, I ask!” he thundered again
I cleaned my mouth with the end of my wrapper and looked at him
“Yes” I said silently
He laughed devilishly as he came close to me.
He felt my neck and I was shocked.
I had expected something more violent
“You are pregnant” he said calmly and I nodded
“You are mad!” he shouted suddenly as he pushed me down to the floor with his right knee.
I fell right on my vomitus and he started raining punches on me.
“Die! Die! Die!” he continued to shout as he rained blows on me.
“Adejare jo nitori olorun o. Die as how?” I cried out in anguish
“You are an ill-luck! Why would my life have such downturn just because of you. Pregnancy again!” he slapped me on.
I gave in to his beating but guided my tummy which was his center of attack with my hands.
Suddenly, he screamed!
I opened my eyes and there looking like a possessed lady was Taiwo digging her teeth into his thigh.
“What!” he exclaimed on, obviously shocked
Just as I was too!
He started raining slaps on her and I stood up suddenly to interfere.
“Adejare, this girl is nothing but a very naïve young girl. Leave her alone!” I cried out and he growled, fixing his eyes on me like a beast.
“You are turning the backs of my children against me right?” he screamed as he pulled me by the hair and dragged me inside the house.
James and John had started crying.
“You have to remove this nonsense you placed in there. I have nothing to do with it. It has to die!”
I tried to find my voice.
What arrant nonsense is this guy saying?
I was the one that was supposed to take it personal that I had gotten pregnant.
“But, I don’t know why you are getting angry” I said at last and he looked at me, his mouth suspended
“You don’t know why?” he asked again, his hands tightened round my hair
“Of course. I pay the PTA Levy of the children, clothe them, feed them, act as the father and the mother and then another one is here- an additional responsibility.
Wasn’t I so supposed to be angry that I would even commit suicide?” I spoke in a very shaky voice and he was obviously shocked.
I had never looked up into his face to respond to him whenever he beat me.
“The reason why I, Adejare Olowo am getting angry is because I wonder how on earth I became entangled with a beautiful for nothing empty barrel that had overtime been the cause of my misfortune in life. I can’t imagine me living this kind of life but that is what happens when you get married to a cursed individual!” he spat the words into my face.
“Adejare, the children are watching and you are…” I broke down into tears.
One mistake I never made in my marriage was telling my children how irresponsible their father was.
I never did!
I covered him up whenever they spoke ill of him
But see him now.
Tears cascaded my face and I shook my head in a frustrating manner
“Your mother is cursed! She killed her parents, leaved in the orphanage all her life, I picked her up from the miry clay and all she could do was separate me from my own parents as well, making my life miserable, bearing children that took after her witchy lifestyle. Her name is Glory but she is a shame!” he screamed that so loudly that I felt nauseous again.
As I started to hold my tummy in a bid to start vomiting again, he picked me up with a single hand and kicked me hard in my tummy.
I fell out through the door, let out a very ear-piercing cry and there was a great darkness!


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"From what I can determine it doesn't seem to be malignant." He looked down at my file and studied a sheet of paper. I felt a moment of relief. He didn't think it was cancerous. Grey squeezed my hand as I glanced in his direction and he gave me an encouraging smile. It was good news.

"But," he began to say as my eyes moved back to him. And there it was the 'but'. I held my breath.

"There is no way to treat it. We will have to remove it with surgery," he revealed and I just kept staring at him as his words sunk in. Surgery. That meant they would have to cut my head open.

My free hand touched my forehead. It wasn't like this scenario had never crossed my mind, it had. I just didn't think that it would happen. I'd expected them to put me on some medication to try and shrink it.

Grey gripped my hand tightly and I looked to him but he wasn't looking at me. His eyes were fixed on the doctor.

"Shouldn't surgery be the last resort," he said to the doctor.

"It is the last resort," he replied. He looked to me. "The tumor is growing at a rate that it will keep putting pressure on your brain. The symptoms you've been experiencing will get worse. The only option will be to remove it."

Only option. Echoed in my mind. I didn't have a choice. If I wanted to live I would have to go through with the surgery.

"The surgery will be very risky," he added. My eyes widened in alarm.

"What is the success rate?" Grey asked sounding anxious for the first time which only intensified my worry. I wasn't sure I wanted to know what the odds were. Dr. Clark hesitated for a moment before he answered.

"Thirty percent," he answered.

Only thirty percent I wanted to yell but I kept silent.

"What are the risks?" my mom asked from beside me. It was the first time she'd spoken.

"With any surgery this is always risk. The second biggest risk for the this particular surgery is brain damage."

My mind fixed on his words. Brain damage.

I stopped listening after that. All I could think about was what he'd just said. I could survive the risky surgery and I still wouldn't be the same. I might wake up and not be able to function was a person. At that moment I wasn't sure which risk scared me more, death or living but being unable to do anything for myself. Possibly being a prisoner in my own body.

It was too much to try and process. My mom and Grey's voices surrounded me but I couldn't hear what they were saying. I needed to get out. In the middle of the conversation I stood up. I couldn't cope with anymore and I was scared that there would be more that I didn't want to hear.

The conversation stopped and Grey stood up. He looked at me with concern but I just shook my head at him. I couldn't explain.

"I can't," I mumbled before I turned and fled from the office. I didn't care that I'd left my appointment half way through it, all that mattered at that point was getting away. The receptionist watched as I dashed through the waiting room.

It made no logical sense. Getting away from the place where I'd gotten the news didn't make it go away. The tumor was still inside my head and I still needed surgery. Leaving didn't change anything but I couldn't stop myself. I made it into the lift, which was empty and as I turned around Grey stepped into the lift just before the doors closed.

"Harp," he said gently and I swallowed the emotion that threatened to overwhelm me.

I shook my head.

"It's okay," he said softly taking a step closer but I just shook my head again. It wasn't okay.

I needed to get away. No words were going to calm the tidal wave of emotion building up inside of me. I couldn't think about the only option that I had.

What if I didn't survive the surgery? I couldn't think about what impact that would have on the people I loved. I couldn't think about the fact that even if I survived the surgery I wouldn't be able to function and I would need someone to care for me. I was scared.

Grey lifted my chin with his finger so my eyes looked into his.

"You will be fine," he said. He said it so calmly and he sounded so sure that I wanted to believe him. But the reality was he couldn't know that.

The lift opened pulled our attention back to where we were. I walked out the lift and Grey followed me back to the car silently. I didn't want to have an emotional melt down in full view of the few gawking fans who only had eyes for the Grey. He opened the passenger side for me and I got in.

"I'm just going to get your mom," he said. He waited for a response and all I could muster was a slight nod. I felt bad for storming out of the office.

A few of the girls that had spotted us started to crowd around the car. Grey smiled at them as he made his way back into the building to get my mom. The crowd around the started to grow as more fans waited to catch a glimpse of Grey.

Inside the car with darkened windows I felt so alone. I didn't want to break down but I couldn't stop the few tears that slid down my face and I brushed them angrily away. I needed to pull myself together.

Ten minutes later my tears were gone and I was trying not to let my emotions smother me. The crowd had grown and as Grey exited the building with my mom the girls began to squeal with excitement.

It felt so strange watching this side of him. He stopped and signed some autographs as he made his way through the crowd. I didn't know how he could handle it all so well. He didn't look annoyed and he genuinely interacted with his fans, even standing and allowing some of them to take their pictures with him.

After a few more minutes of interacting with his fans he opened the backdoor of his car for my mom and I turned to face her. Her sympathetic gaze nearly tore me apart and it took all I had not to bawl like a baby. Being that emotional would only make things worse. I didn't want her to see me fall apart because it would only upset her more and I didn't want see that.

"It will okay," my mom whispered hoarsely as she reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze. I nodded at her unable to say anything out aloud without allowing my fear to overwhelm me.

Moments later Grey was in the driver's seat navigating his way out of the parking space through the crowd of fans.

The car ride back to my house was quiet. Everyone seemed to be subdued with their own thoughts. Halfway through the drive Grey reached over and intertwined his fingers with mine. I looked down to our joined hands. I didn't feel so alone anymore. I let out a soft sigh trying to cope with my whirlwind of emotions trying to break free from me.

When I was alone and when I didn't need to be strong I would allow myself to feel all the emotions I was trying to smother. I bit down on my nail as I looked out of the window trying to sort through my thoughts but the only thing that kept repeating through my mind.

Surgery. Brain damage. Death.

I felt an anxiousness feeling in the pit of my stomach when we pulled into my driveway. I didn't want to get out and Grey seemed to understand that because he made no move to get out of the car.

"I'll be inside," my mom said softly and she got out of the door. I watched as she let her self into the house.

She would be able to tell my dad and Alex and I wouldn't have to watch their reaction or relive my fear again.

I didn't want to hear the words out aloud again. Looking at Grey I felt a lump in my throat and he reached for me and put his arms around me hugging me close as my tears spilled over.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Moral lesson [Read it]


When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach ad say "Congrats!". But none of them come and touch the man's Penis and say "Well done!". Moral: Hard work is never appreciated, only result matters...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-19 10:08:37

318 Views




With the victim looking on, pretend you see a fly in the room. Grab a fly swatter and chase it around for a while. Then make a big swat, reach down and grab the ‘fly’ (actually a raisin that you concealed in your hand), and gobble it down or put into whatever the victim is eating.Related

A guy walks up to his friend one Sunday
and says, "I'm sleeping with the pastor's
wife. Can you hold him in church after
service for me?" The friend agrees and after mass, he
starts talking to the pastor and asking
him all kind of stupid questions just to
keep him occupied. After about an hour, the pastor gets
angry and asks the guy what's
up.Feeling guilty, the guy confesses, "My
friend is sleeping with your wife right
now." The pastor then smiles and says, "You
should run back home and check your
wife, my wife has been dead for years."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-09-14 18:46:17

641 Views



Funny Nun [Read it]


A nun woke up one morning feeling great, she got out of bed and decided
to go to the kitchen for some breakfast.
On her way over there she runs into sister Jane and she says, "Hi sister
Jane," by which sister Jane says, "I see you got off on the wrong side
of the bed sister.
She did not understand what sister Jane meant by that so she ignored it
and went on.
She was passing by the garden when she ran into sister Roberta and she
says, "Good morning sister Roberta I am having a great day. Sister
Roberta says, "I see you got off on the wrong side of the bed."
The nun was wondering why everybody she met kept saying that when she
felt great so she decides to go and see mother superior.
She asks mother superior, "Everybody keeps telling me that I got off on
the wrong side of the bed when I feel great and mother superior
says,"That is because you have brother Johns shoes on."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-24 16:07:26

697 Views




AKPOS SET FOR INTERVIEW IN AN OIL COMPANY

OFFICER EAZY:- what is your name...?
AKPOS:- M.P sir
OFFICER EAZY:- tell me properly...!
AKPOS:- Michael Peter sir
OFFICER EAZY:- your father`s name...?
AKPOS:- M.P sir
OFFICER EAZY:- what does that mean.....?
AKPOS:- Moses Peter sir
OFFICER EAZY:- your native place.......?
AKPOS: M.P sir
OFFICER EAZY:- is it Makurdi Purum.....?
AKPOS:- No, Minna Port sir
OFFICER EAZY:- what is your qualification.....?
AKPOS:- M.P sir
OFFICER EAZY:- (angry) what is it...........?!
AKPOS:- Metric Pass
OFFICER EAZY:- so why do you need a job.....?
AKPOS:- M.P sir OFFICER EAZY: meaning....?
AKPOS:- Money Problem sir
OFFICER EAZY:- what is your personality......?
AKPOS:- M.P sir
OFFICER EAZY:- would you explain yourself and, stop wasting my time....?
AKPOS:- Monacrotic Personality
OFFICER EAZY:- I see... I will get back to you.
AKPOS:- sir, how`s my M.P.....?
OFFICER EAZY:- and what`s that again.....?
AKPOS:- My Performance.
OFFICER EAZY:- M.P.......!
AKPOS:- m.e.a.n.i.n.g...?
OFFICER EAZY:- Mental Problem...!!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-12 13:24:56

574 Views



HOT NAKED WIFE [Read it]


A Lady had been married to a
man for a while, yet she is so
hot that every time her
husband goes away on a
business trip, she invites not
one, not two, but three men to come over and play hide and
seek. One day when her husband
was leaving for a business trip,
she had three men lined up to
come over right away.
However, this time the
husband forgot his passport at home so he had to rush back as
fast as he could. When the
woman heard the door open,
she told all the men to hide
somewhere. The first man hid under the
bed, the second in the closet
and the third one, out on the
balcony. The husband walked
into the room and saw his wife
standing unclad and asked, "Darling? Why are you unclad?" She immediately claimed that
she was changing into her
night gown for a quick nap. But
then the man heard something
under the bed. He found the
first guy under the bed and exclaimed, "Who the hell are
you? And what are you doing
here?!" The guy pulled a fast one and
said, "I'm a carpenter and your
wife sent for me to come and
fix the bed, it's fine now." The man sighed and said,
"Okay, how much do I owe
you?" He gives the man 2,000 Naira,
as he requested and told him
to get the hell out of his sight. He then opened up the closet
to get his passport from the
drawer and saw yet another
guy. "Who the hell are you" he
shouted. "Your wife sent me to come
and fix the closet because it
had some loose hinges on the
inside," he proclaimed. The husband just sighs it off
again and said, "Okay, here's
2,000 Naira, now get the hell
out of my sight!" While all this was going on, the
third guy, outside on the
balcony, was looking through
the window and all he saw was
the woman's husband giving
these guys money. So wanting his own share as well, he
barges through the balcony
door blurting, "I was sleeping
with her too o! I was sleeping
with her too!"
#BOLLYSHOW™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-29 04:21:13

7474 Views




A friend is the one who:

Inspires you;

Laughs at you;

Cries with you;

Understands you;

And guides you!Related

Akpos went out for a drink with the wife last night and he said, "I love you".
his wife asked him, "Is that you or the beer talking"
Akpos said, "It's me...I'm talking to the beer"!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-04 08:24:18

1013 Views




santa naha rha tha

Ek ladki ne ghar ki dorbell bajai

To santa ese hi bahar aa gaya

Ladki (sharmate hue) – kuchhto pahan lete

Santa bhagte hue vapas gaya or chappal pahan kar

vapash aa gaya.Related

my Thing [Read it]


How I Took My Girl To Her Room To Show Her My Thing...


It was around 6am in the morning, she was sitting alone in the verandah when I came. The compound was empty. Everyone had gone to work that friday morning, "Nneka, I want to show you something."


"What is it?" She asked.


"Can I show it to you in your room?"


"Okay." She replied.


We went inside. "Can we close the door?" I said.


"Hmmm, okay." She closed the door.


I draw the blinds of the curtains together to limit the reflection of the rising sun. "Can we switch the light off?" I requested.


"Yes!" She responded, a bit excited.


"Hold my hand." I said. 


She held my hand. "What is it?" She inquired.


I unveiled it and said
::
::
::
::
::
::
::
::
::
::
::
::
"See, my new wrist-watch. It glows in the dark."


What were you all thinking?! Dirty minds!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-19 18:29:27

316 Views



jokes..!! [Read it]



A husband and wife are trying to set up a new
password for their computer. The husband puts,
"Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground
laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not
long enough."

....
...

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give
you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give
you?"
Student: "Homework!"
...
..
...
The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at
school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying,
"Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am
going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for
school today!'"
....
.....
...
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that
Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If
there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you
shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says,
"None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says,
"Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher
says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking."
Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women
walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking
her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and
one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?"
The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream."
Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring,
but I like how you're thinking!"...°?°™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-05 11:24:02

428 Views




Traders protest Boko Haram prisoners’ transfer to
Anambra


Commercial activities
were paralysed on
Saturday in Anambra
State following protests
by traders across the
state.
The traders, who closed
their shops as early as 9am in major cities of Onitsha, Awka,
Nnewi, Ekwulobia and Agulu, took to the streets protesting
what they termed plan by the Federal Government to
transfer Boko Haram detainees to prisons in the state.
At Tarzan junction, Nkpor in Idemili North Local
Government Area of the state, traders and other residents
blocked the Enugu – Onitsha Expressway chanting songs
suggesting they would be forced to revive the clamour for
Biafran Republic if pushed to the wall.
The traders carried placards bearing inscriptions like ‘Buhari
should not destroy the peace in Anambra State,’ ‘Biafra kanyi
choro’ (We want Biafra), ‘Buhari, Igbos cannot accept your
prisoners, ‘We do not want Boko Haram in Anambra,’
‘Federal Government, why extend Boko Haram to Anambra?’
and ‘Boko Haram prisoners are not allowed here.’
Speaking with journalists during the protests, the Secretary-
General, Anambra State Amalgamated Traders Association,
Chief Chuma Elucharu, stated that traders in the state
decided to shut markets to protest the rumoured relocation
of Boko Haram detainees to the state.
Eluchraru said the protests would be continuous until the
Federal Government assured that there was no such plan.
At Onitsha, the protesters threatened to be violent should
the rumour proved to be true.
There was tension as police used tear gas to disperse the
protesters.
While addressing the traders, the President-General of
AMATAAS, Chief Okwudili Ezenwankwo, urged them to be
calm, saying further consultation would be made by the
association to get clear picture of the situation.
Also, the Police Public Relations Officer in the state, Mr.
Uche Eze, said there was no need to panic, nothing that the
police were handling the situation.
Eze enjoined the people of the state to go about their
businesses without fear of molestation.
A senior officer in the Nigerian Prisons Service in the state
who spoke on the condition of anonymity to our
correspondent, however, said they got a signal recently to
prepare to receive some detainees of the violent sect.
But the Nigeria Prisons Service has said there is no plan to
transfer Boko Haram suspects in custody to prisons in
Anambra State as being speculated.
The NPS Public Relations Officer, Francis Enebore, said most
of the terror suspects in prison custody are still awaiting trial
and cannot be moved out of the jurisdiction of the court
where they would be prosecuted.
He dismissed speculations that the prison authorities had
formalised plans to transfer terror suspects from the
northern states to Anambra State, saying there is nothing
like that.
Enebore said, “Most of the terror suspects are awaiting trial
and so, there is no way they can be moved to another state
because they must be tried in the state where they
committed the crime.
“Apart from this, our duty is to move them from prison to
court for trial and since they have not been convicted, how
can we transfer them to other states outside the jurisdiction
of the court where they would be tried? People are just
saying things they know nothing about, there is no truth to
the rumours that we are transferring terror suspects to
other states.”







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-28 09:06:20

537 Views



Hot Dogs [Read it]


I went with a girl to a bar
We sat and the following conversation ensued
Waiter: Plz what should i serve you
Ola: Baby what you do u want 2 eat
Girl: What u eat, i eat
Ola: Ok give me two hotdogs
Girl: (confused) Ola shey u knw i dnt like dogs
Ola: As In
Girl: Not 2 tok of hot ones
I Fainted


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-12-17 18:53:32

266 Views




Client to bank manager: “sirji ek laura financekarana tha. laure pe interest kya chal raha hai.”


*After taking delivery.*


Wife ne laura ki arti utari. aur phir pura parivar laure pe baitH ke icecream khaane gaya.


Malkin to driver: “Driver laura nikalo.”


driver to malik- “sahab laura dho doon.”


And last but not not the least…..


Neighbours :- “Bete ki baraat to sharma ji ke laure pe nikalunga. kyu sharmaji! Aapko koi takleef to nahi hogi !!!!!?????????????????????????”

???????????????


Skoda Laura now available in
Garlic Color.

To be called Laura LassunRelated

Chilling in the grave. one word for her








NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-06 15:11:10

622 Views




MADNESS=>WRITE UP BY DINDY
do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission,thank you for reading this write up...



Madness a way to be different,a way to over come the unnecessary things you see and hear,a different way of thoughts, and the best way to deal with some situation,the only way to escape hunger,the new found life,the new fashion,the latest news,the best thought you have ever imagined ,abnormality.
madness can be anything, it just depend how you see it,a madman can think faster,smarter and quicker than so many normal people,mad people ain't always mad,sometimes mad people see what we don't see and they understand what we don't understand. So tell me is a madman really man or are they really intelligent and observant?.
Madness can be described as a way of life either to man or animal, for example in human some people see things we take as a normal thing as madness,let me explain further,for example some people think people who wear crazy jeans are mad people,some people see people who write as mad people,some people see drivers as mad people, some people see people who over do things like;laughing, crying, jogging, running, reading, driving, working, digging......etc as mad people,some people see people who kill themselves as mad people,some people see people who gossip as mad people,some people see people who believe in fashion as mad people,some people believe that anyone who goes to church is a mad person,some people believe that if you are a lecturer that you are a mad person,some people see those that wear nose ring as mad people,some see tattoo as a madman's stuff,some believe that if you wear an open toe shoe that you are completely insane,some believe people who give are mad people,some people see people that drinks from the toilet as a mad person(mehn that is truly madness),some people believe that people who live in "face me I face you" are mad people,some people see people that feed from the trash as mad people(like seriously who don't),some people see people who stand and eat as mad people,some people see people who eat leftovers as mad people, some see good people as mad people,some believe if you are a scientist that you are a mad person,some believe that if one does too much make up that the person is mad.....etc.
There are so many things people view as madness but those things you see and believe to be madness are not to those people doing them, and they don't take it as anything at all because their sense of mentality don't see it and believe it like you do(but sometimes it is because of the situation they are in),so learn to respect everyone's madness.
Madness as a way in animals ,for example:an insect flying around a light bulb(tell be is that not madness?),an insect or a rat living inside a toilet (tell me is that not a madman's thing?), an insect or an animal feeding from a trash(tell me,is that not a madman's style?),an animal drinking dirty water(that is what I call kolometality)......ect. You might see the animals as stupid foolish living creatures, but it is a surviving method,every living thing must find a way to survive and keep up with the fast growing moving world,if they don't, then they are likely not to expand their life(generation).
But wait,what is madness really?,because I don't seem to understand what or why I wrote this write up,or maybe I wrote it to keep your mind focus on me.or maybe madness is me that took my time to write this or maybe its you that took your time to read and understand it( lol )......bye my fellow mad people (lol)....LOVE YOU ALL #winx.....................WRITE UP BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI.........whatsapp number:07087750433.... [email protected]@gmail.com or [email protected] facebook namessy nnamdi.......Skype: 07087750433 or [email protected].................Twitter:@nnamdiossy







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A grandma was shopping with her grandson. The grandson picks up a toy & the grandma shouts, Degree! Put that toy back. A woman who is also shopping hears this & asks, Is that his name? The grandma replies, Yes, I sent his mother to the University & this is what she brought back...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-05 00:06:01

749 Views




“My marriage has ended. Oh my God, how will
I
explain this to my husband? He’s AA and I’m
AS.
This must be Simon’s baby.” She cried as she
remembered that Simon is AS. It
then dawn on her that Simon got her pregnant
two days before her wedding. And there’s no
way she can make Simon the father of the
baby.
The Doctor returned the baby and found
Benita
crying. “Madam you don’t have to cry. Your
baby will be
alright.” He said and left.
Benita looked at her baby with disgust.
“My husband will definitely find out. What am
I
going to do?” She mused. She thought about
the mockery and the shame she’ll be
subjected to if her marriage fail. She knew
Simon
will not remain married to her when he
discovers. She turned to the baby, picked up a
syringe. She thrust it through the baby’s
immature belly button. Her baby cried out in
deep pains. She muffled her baby’s cries with
a pillow and stabbed the baby more with the
syringe as she suffocate the baby at the same
time. That moment the Doctor came in.
“What! Madam! What are you doing?” He
asked
eyes wide open in disbelieve. “You just killed
your innocent baby.” He said after checking
for the baby’s pulse.
“Please, you must not tell my husband. I beg
you.
My marriage will end. The baby is not his.
Please
Doctor don’t tell him.” He cried to
the Doctor. “You’re a murderer. I can’t conceal
this. Not
from your husband. He has been my friend for
over 15years now. I can’t lie to him!” The
Doctor yelled. Benita begged so much and
finally
bribed the Doctor with 5million bucks to keep
shut. The Doctor accepted the bribe.
The number was too huge to allow moral
scruples on honesty to win his conscience. He
cleaned up the dead baby.
He framed up the death and Benita cooperated
with crocodile tears. .
Simon returned and met his wife crying. He
almost lost his sanity hearing that his
baby is dead. It took him sometime to forget
the lost.
. Few days later, Benita paid the Doctor the
agreed amount of money.
And everything was swept under the rug.
Simon
never knew his wife killed their baby and he
had
a sickle cell anemia.
They lived as a happy couple as before, the
usual way that draws jealousy from
people.
At a particular day, Benita went to visit his
husband at his company.
She ran into Andrew. They were both
surprised.
They never expected to meet again. Andrew
told her he was recently employed in the
company. Benita told him the company
belongs
to her husband.
Andrew collected her new number and returned
to work. Benita begged her husband Simon to
sack Andrew. Simon insisted for a reason.
Benita claimed he
was her school mate.
She didn’t like him back then because they
had a
misunderstanding.
Simon refused to sack Andrew saying it was
not
enough reason to sack him. .
Few days later Andrew called Benita on phone
and insisted to see her. She refused until she
was forced to go and meet him. Andrew
requested for sex. Benita refused and warned
him never to ask for such again. Andrew
showed her a sex video tape.
Benita almost dropped dead when she
discovered
it was the sex she had with him
two days before her wedding. Andrew recorded
it. He threatened to show it to her husband if
she doesn’t comply with his request. Benita
didn’t want to lose her marriage. She
complied and had sex severally with Andrew.
She
did few back-alley abortions. She tried to pay
him off but he refused. He finally collected a
large sum of money and disappeared. Benita
was
ready to do anything to keep her marriage.
.
The Doctor called Benita and asked to see her.
The Doctor tried to return the bribe he took
from her. His conscience was pricking him so
hard. He couldn’t keep mute anymore. He
wanted to tell Benita’s
husband the whole truth for friendship sake.
Benita begged and cried, trying to make the
Doctor realize how important her marriage
was to her. The Doctor told her his friendship
with her husband was important to him too.
He tossed the cheque of
5million bucks back to her and asked her to
leave with it. Benita stood up, picked the
cheque and left. The Doctor called Simon and
asked him to see him in few hours. Benita
barged in on the Doctor that instant almost
naked.
.

money quotes [Read it]


IT’S NOT
YOUR SALARY
THAT MAKES YOU
RICH, IT’S YOUR
SPENDING HABITS.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-05-17 16:51:36

285 Views



stop looking [Read it]


After the engagement!


GIRL: Stop looking at girls, you're committed now!


BOY: What do you mean? If I'm fasting, It doesn't mean that I should not look at food.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-24 21:26:10

177 Views



NATIVE DOCTOR [Read it]


A church member went to a native
doctor to get some charms. As he was
sneaking in so that nobody will see him,
he was very surprised to see his pastor
there. Startled, he asked the pastor,
"What are you doing here sir?!" The pastor beckoned on him, "Keep
your voice low, the bishop is inside with
the native doctor."
#?BOLLY_SMART?™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-21 07:25:07

559 Views




Too much nudity is a turn off. Especially if all that flesh is on one person.?

This is the best book I’ve ever written, and it still sucks

~ Jarod KintzRelated

Confusion [Read it]


"Us confused NLC like just and you confused i like them confuse to person another to it send, confused up ended and this read to trying time your took you since".... (Confused aren't you? I apologize now read it backwards)


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-28 19:04:22

242 Views




Man is incomplete until he's married.
Then he's finished.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-03 15:53:21

633 Views



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