Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Akpors was feeling lazy and did not want to go to school the following day so he sat down and thought up a good plan to skip classes.
. Using his dad’s phone, he decided to call up his teacher pretending to be his father and the following conversation ensued:
. Akpors: Good evening Mr. Ade
. Teacher: Good evening
. Akpors: I hope I’m speaking to the Primary 5 teacher of Mentality primary school?
. Teacher: Yes please, this is their teacher
. Akpors: Okay, I’m calling to tell you that my son won’t be able to come to school tomorrow.
. Teacher: That’s no problem, but please may I know who I’m speaking with?
. Akpors: Mr Ade, you are speaking to MY FATHER…….!!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-31 16:25:47

438 Views



many tinz [Read it]


You take picture, e no fine, you
come dey claim say 'beauty is
from within' .... Why you no take
X-ray?
- Golden Morn is good, Corn
Flakes is better. But at the
mention of IJEBU GARRI every
Flake must bow.
- Don't Ever do a Long distance
relationship, masturbating to a
Voice message from London is
not your calling.
- You take picture inside
Rangerover Sport, Infinity,
Bently,BMW X6, then you want
your boyfriend to believe you'r
not cheating. ARE U A MECHANIC?
- Lazy men call the rich men
ritualist while unlucky girls call
the lucky ones prostitutes. Never
mistake knowledge for wisdom
- You can't be UGLY and then
play ''hard to get''. It doesn't
work that way; you're already
''Hard To Want''


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-05 15:23:21

360 Views




Pappu: It’s just a formality but still I ask – can I marry your daughter?

Father of the girl: Who says it’s just a formality?

Pappu: The doctor.Related

Sex on beach is like American beer; fuckin’ near water!Related

inspire [Read it]


Things turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out.


 The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. 


Live each day as if it were your last because tomorrow may never come. 


 The only difference between try and triumph is a little umph. 


 You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching, Love like you’ll never be hurt, Sing like there’s nobody listening, And live like it’s heaven on earth. – William W. Purkey


 It’s not about how hard you hit. It’s how hard you get hit and keep moving forward. 


 Never regret anything because at one time it was exactly what you wanted. 


It takes a lot of courage to forgive someone…but it takes an even bigger courage to ask for forgiveness! 


 A winner is a loser who never gave up.


 When ending a day you should never say “I could have”, “I should have”, or “I would have”. At the end of the day you should always say “I did”. 


Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all. – Dale Carnegie 


You walk through life much easier with a smile on your face.


 Don’t Chase Your Dreams.. CATCH THEM!






NAIRAJOKES.COM




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A couple was golfing one day on a Very Exclusive golf course lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee, the husband said, “Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball, do not knock out any windows. It will cost us a fortune to fix.”

The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course.

The husband cringed and said, “I told you to watch out for the houses. All right, let s go up there, apologize and see how much it s going to cost us.”

They walked up and knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, “Come on in.”

When they opened the door they saw glass all over the place and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer.
A man on the couch said, “Are you the people that broke the window?”
“Uh yeah, sorry about that” the husband replied.

“No, actually I want to thank you. I am a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle.You have released me. I am allowed to grant three wishes – I will give you each one wish, and I will keep the last one for myself.” the genie said.

“Ok” the husband said. “I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.”

“No problem-it is the least I can do. And you, what do you want?” the genie said looking at the wife.

“I want a house in every country of the world” she said.

“Consider it done.” the genie said.

“And what is your wish, genie?” the husband said
“Well, since I have not had sex with a woman in a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your wife.”
The husband looks at the wife and said, “Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I would not mind.”

The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours. After it was all over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife and said, “How old is your husband anyway?”

“35” she said.

“Really? And he still believes in genies?”Related

You know the worst thing about oral sex? The view.


– Maureen LipmanRelated

RIP for Akpos [Read it]


Akpos was just relaxing outside when his female neighbor came to him, gave him a seductive eye and said “Please I need you”. Akpos was surprise and he asked “What for?”.
“Just follow me into my room first” she said.
Akpos followed her in.
The girl climbed her bed and said to Akpos “Climb the bed?”
Akpos became more confused.
“I said climb the bed nah” she said softly
Akpos climbed the bed.
Girl: (pointing her finger) “Can you see the necked?”
Akpos replied “Oh Yes”
Girl: come and put it in.
Akpos: but I can’t see the man hole?
Girl: come on, Look at it.
Akpos thought for a while and said “No no no I can’t put it”
Girl: Why?
Akpos: am not with any protection here.
The girl gave him a bigger seductive eye and said to him “Come on, don’t be afraid, nothing will happen to you. Or are you not man enough?”
Akpos: Who told you am not man enough, don’t try me.
Girl: Ok, then put it in
Akpos removed his shirt, open the man hole and enter.
After a while, he shouted like a bull.
That’s the end of Akpos.
The necked wire he climbed to put inside, smoked him like a stock fish and he fell down from the ceiling man hole.


Dirty minds



Who among you guys missed my jokes?



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-26 09:07:47

4701 Views




Earlier today, Akpos was
very hungry and had no
money.
he then went to town to find
something to eat.
On his way, this was his
prayer……
“Father please help me find
N2000 on the ground”
and i promise to give you
N1000 tomorrow in church.
He kept on reciting this
prayer as he went along.
Shortly, he saw N1000 on
the ground. Akpors shouted-
“Indeed the lord is very
fast, he has already taken
his share.”



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-27 06:39:13

269 Views




I want to RANT! I know Girls
will dislike me for this but I
must post it. Just think about this... A guy
will make an update, full of
Wisdom, Educative,
Inspirational, laced with
polished grammars on his
Facebook update and gets 3 likes and 1 comment!!! A girl will post, "My back is
paining Me". All guys will turn
to doctors overnight for "my
back is paining me" and she
will get 209 likes and 456
quack doctors giving out therapy and prescription
comments on how to cure
backache!!! A girl will post, "I'm making
Wheat and Okro lunch". You
will see 506 hungry guys
indicating interest on
comment and 356 others liking
it!!! A girl will post a blank picture
on Facebook! You will see some
guys commenting, "You look
dark and sexy". This is crazy GUYS, PLEASE STOP
DOING THIS
#BOLLYSneh™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-03 23:29:05

533 Views




TEACHER: What is the
opposite of good?
LINDA: Bad
TEACHER: Correct! (Looking at
Akpos) You, what is the
opposite of original?
AKPOS: China...



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-07 09:20:23

606 Views




Todays generation: Six year old boy to a four year old boy: Dude, I found a condom in the balcony.

Four year old boy: What’s a balcony ?Related

A man finds a bottle on the beach, and When he rubs it and a genie comes out.
"Ok," the genie says, " I will grant you one wish. What will it be?"
Excitedly the man demands, "I want all the ladies to love me!"
And poof. . . he turns into bar of chocolate.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-13 10:15:39

935 Views



Lazy [Read it]


Technology has taken over us...
Our wife no more wash with hands but washing machine....
Our house maid's no more cook with stove but gas cooker....
Our children don't trek 2 skul but go 2 skul with d best car....



I jux want 2 ask y technology can't provide food on our table anytym we need it....?



Comment ur answers sharperly...







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-28 10:46:07

457 Views



child fun [Read it]


OYA SWEAR SAY U NEVA DO ANY OF THIS
1.- if u didn't kill earthworm with salt.
2.- if u didn't play rubber band.
3.- if u neva bath in the rain.
4.- if nobody told u about india vs nigeria 99-1
5.- if u did not sleep on the couch and wake up
on the bed.
6.- if u didn't throw ur milk teeth on the roof for
lizards to take it and give you new ones.
7.- if u don't just wash your legs n hands instead
of bathing before going to school.
8.- if u didn't act film inside uncompleted
building or under bed with friends.
9.- if u have never flew a kite.
10.- if u didn't use your two legs to build houses
with sands.
11.- if u never write your name on a paper and
insert it into your pen so that no one will steal it.
12.- if didn't close the fridge door really slowly
and see when the light went off.
13.- if u neva wave at white birds expecting your
nails to be whiter.
14.- if u didn't heard of ghost that stay under
mango trees at night.
15.- if u never drive a single car tyre with stick
and call it a car.
16.- if u never mix garri and sugar in ur pocket
and eat while walking on the street.
17. if u never did mama n papa play e.g cooking
leaf and sand without fire.
18.- if u didn't play table soccer with bottle
cover.
........then i guess ur childhood was not fun!
Oya choose the one you do....
....Do you knw it is not jangilova epo motor? it is
JINGLE OVER LIKE A MOTOR! i bet u don't knw.
don't be shy. i don't knw either until i grew up.
....am sure 99.9% of Nigerian Adults don't knw
dat nursery rhyme "sandalili sandalili" is actually
"standard living standard living" i knw u are
singing it now again, smiles...
***Confess u are guilty? hahahahaha! keep
sharing d fun and laugh it off.
***%Don't break dis chain share it to all ur skul n
playing mate 2 remind dem of their childhood
memories...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-29 19:16:47

294 Views



Best Friends [Read it]


Sometimes we wonder why anything we tell our bestfriends get into a third persons hear.
But we fail to realise that our bestfriend as a bestfriend.



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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sunday service [Read it]


a monkey and a barboo where in the church service and the pastor was am to preach and he say....turn to ur nehgbour and say to him/or ur are beautiful and the monday look at the barboo nd burst in to laugh and say to they pastor--u say it urself cuz i dnt wnt to lie in they church.................







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-13 11:33:05

283 Views




I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.

~ Douglas Adams, The Salmon of DoubtRelated

A married lawyer made love to his
girlfriend inside his car one day. The girl
enjoyed it so much that she forgot her
panty. On getting home, his wife saw
the girl's panty in the car. She got mad and tore it into pieces screaming.
Honey! Honey!! Honey!!! What's this?
The lawyer calmly replied. My God,
you've just destroyed evidence of a rape
case worth millions of pounds. She
quickly fell on her knees apologizing. Honey please forgive me, God will bring
another one! ...... GOOD Morning my Goons. Me
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-09-05 07:38:44

335 Views




MY DARK PAST(CHAP.4)=>STORY BY NELLY
please do not share without talking to me or her personally and asking for permission,thank you for reading this story brought to you by Nelly aka Nnenna…
The holiday was going well for me until a particular night which made me find out that Glory was an asthmatic patient, that same night also became my night of sadness, pain and shock…………
As we were sleeping I felt someone breathing hard, I wasn’t the type that sleeps deep so I woke up.
I didn’t understand why glory was crying and what was really happening to her, I woke her brother up then he told me she was asthmatic.
He quickly went to call my dad who came quickly and rushed her to the hospital, Gad my little bro and my mom followed him, that night my Uncle slept in the parlour because Jacob took his Place in the room.
Before I slept i was afraid for glory so I prayed, as I covered myself with the bedspread and was about to close my eye Jacob my cousin whispered my name and I answered him.
He told me that he wanted us to play, I told him to wait till morning that it’s too late to play, but he insisted and it all sounded silly to me.
He kept on pleading that I should just let him pull my legs–I didn’t know that he was up to no good— , I let him pull my legs then he separated my legs and got into me, that was when I understood, I couldn’t even speak (sad).
I was just speechless from shock, I started feeling pains and that was when I came back to my senses (damn!! It was real), I was confused so i started crying, I begged him to stop but it seemed useless cause as I begged him he was begging me too.
Then I told him that I’ll scream– I was Really crying– at last he got off me, I was so sad I didn’t believe what just happened, I cried till I slept off
The next morning my dad got back with my mum and little bro Gad but without glory, I asked about her and he said she was still taking treatment.
Hours later my dad dressed up and left for work then followed my mom and my uncle, now it was me and my little bro with that monster (Jacob) all together at home.
While I was doing the dishes, I heard him give some coins to Gad to go get him some stuffs out side, I got scared because I realized it was gonna be me and him alone at home.
Before my thoughts were over he walked into the kitchen like a fowl and was smiling, he put his stinky hands on my waist and raised my face as if he was going to kiss me.
I pushed him away but he came back towards me and started holding me tightly, then he said these silly words “Blade I love you and I’m Sorry about last night, I just wanted to prove my love to you”, in my mind I was wondering “this is insane, how can this be happening”. He started using the opportunity to take advantage of me.
So i quickly got a knife and told him to let go off me, he laughed and left because he heard a knock on the door, my eyes were full of tears already, i was just holding it back to avoid any question from my little bro Gad.
After 5 hours later when i was going to have my bath Jacob went to the backyard to spy on me but i hid myself till he left, i just kept wondering why such always came my own way (why me!?)……to be continue ………………………….Watch out for chap.5.
ITS STILL YOUR GIRL NNANNA NNENNA A.K.A NOINOI.
THIS IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY NNANNA NNENNA A.K.A NOINOI JUST CALL ME NELLY…..STORY BY NNENNA AKA NELLY….FACEBOOK USERNAME:NELLY NALLY.WHATSAPP NO;+22961804913


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Aaj Pehli Baar Ladki Ki Freind Reqwest Aai…….

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….Sala Khushi Khushi Me Not Now Pe Click Ho Gaya….!!!Related

Akpos who is married went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman." The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?" The Akpos said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped." The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put N5000 in the poor box." Akpos left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!" Akpos replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the N5000 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-23 20:40:54

3499 Views




My journey from Nsukka to Enugu was depressing.
The swaying wind turbulence caressing my face making my eye lash fall on each other sometimes intruding into the corners of my eyes.

The golden green grasses and tall trees that bordered the road in every flank moved behind in an alternating uniformed speed as the PEACE MASS TRANSIT BUS i boarded sped on.
The bus was lively and noisy.. people laughing, joking, discussing, busy with their phones and noticeably a girl that kept lying on the phone that she was on her way to lagos, then abuja lastly port-harcourt. I felt like asking the driver where exactly are we going cus it seems i boarded the wrong bus.

Last night **Sighs** a good night turn bad, the soul crushing silence that followed after in Jessy’s room was killing and the effect still clouded my mind, my mind raced back to how the night played out

“Sky” Chioma’s voice lashed my ears.
Cynthia was startled as she turned sharply, i on my own part knew my sins don double.

I slowly looked at chioma, who had her hands on her waist, a loose wrapper hanging on her waist with a white singlet on.
I slowly pushed cynthia up, can see from the close range even tho the environment was pitch black that her face wore a blank look, disappointment was clearly written on it and a little pinch of anger.

Chioma turned round and walked back into the house after standing there for like 5minutes without uttering another word.
I felt an unusual cold take hold of me throwing my center of gravity off balance, i wanted to run after her but my legs couldn’t move it was as if i was nailed to that very spot.

“Sky common” Cynthia said reaching for my neck as she pulled my face down to hers introducing her lips into mine again
“Hey hey hey stop it” I blurted out pushing her away slowly.
**Person just catch me with this girl and still want to continue the show, i mean ‘who does that?**

“Please goodnight” i announced to cynthia who stood transfixed watching me disappear into the room to go and face my inevitable nemesis.

“Sky what were you doing with Cynthia outside” Jessy barked not even letting me close the door behind before her voice thunder through the space and landed on my ears.

Chioma was on the bed face down, obviously crying.
Jessy was facing me squarely, could see a lot of anger and disappointment in those penetrating eyes.
The spacious white wall of the room seemed to be closing in all around me, my head felt light. Didn’t know if i should start apologizing to chioma or not.

“Sky am i not talking to you? what dah hell were you doing with cynthia outside” Jessy thundered again taking a couple of steps forward towards me peering into my face in that answer searching look again.

“Please Jessy not now” i defended walking past her as she stood there like say she fit beat me.
I climbed the bed, with trembling and a reluctant hand, touched chioma on her back as lightly as possible.

“Chi its not what you think please am sorry” I said is a low ‘have mercy on me’ tone, Jessy now seated watched on still feigning anger.
“Chi please am sorry, i swear its not how you take it” I voiced out again as chioma didn’t not even stir or move.

“Chi please…” i continued this time rubbing her back.
“She actually wanted to………..” . . .
“Sky please just leave me alone, stop disturbing me please” she interrupted waving her hand but not looking at me.
“Please i want to sleep, goodnight.

“Nawa oo na so e take happen na” my mind lamented.
Giving out a loud sigh, i dragged myself wearily pass jessy who rolled her eyes and hissed, i entered the bathroom and shut the door.
**Mehn mission last night in nsukka just turned out to be my worst mission so far**
** ** ** **

“Oga sky!!!” ahmed shouted on opening the gate after i have banged at the gate for like forever.
The apologetic smile that filled his face for keeping me waiting as he pulled the gate open for me, those yellowish teeth always gives me something to laugh about.

“Oga sky, i don come back kai” he happily addressed me again
“No ahmed am still there” i teased making him laugh again and i picked up my speed again heading for the house.

The house was empty, the sound of music, jangling sound of kitchen wares or any resounding footsteps were not heard.
The air conditioner hummed, giving the house it normal chilly temp and fresh smell, it was obvious papa was not at home, his infiniti jeep wasn’t parked in it’s usual spot and am guessing amanda went with him .. **I missed home, i missed papa and most especially but yet strange i missed Amanda**

Dragging myself to my room, it was spotless, the bed was neatly made, the Cinderella bed spread was neater than i left it, the wood works shimmered under the light and the tiled floor sparkled..
“Amanda, i hail oooo” i smiled in my mind rushing to the bathroom for a cold shower.

Fell on the bed immediately i stepped out of the bathroom, clad in only a white boxer **not Disney inspired this time..lol**
But i drifted into a Disney inspired sleep finding myself in an Alice-like wonderland..

..To be Continued..


>>

We are all worms. But I believe that I am a glow-warm.Related

Dad? Is this really you?” Eva asked moving
close to her father.
She did not mind the gun that was now
pointed at her temple. She had shock and
surprise written all over her face as she walked
towards her father.
“Stay where you are Eva. We don’t want to
have ourselves a blood bath.” The Colonel
replied not taking his eyes off Sean who was
still on the floor.
Without turning, the Colonel kicked the door
close with his left leg. With the sides of his
eyes he kept an eye on Sean and saw his
daughter moving closer. He gauged the
distance between Eva and him. He fired a
shot.
The bullet shattered the bottle of Vodka on the
table close to Eva. It was a precise shot.
With his eyes still on Sean, he barked:
“I said don’t fucckking move girl!”
Eva froze in her steps. If this man could take
such a shot, she did not want to experience
what it would feel like if he actually aimed at
her. She stooped. The look she saw in his eyes
was one she had never seen before. His eyes
were very red. His face was expressionless.
But somehow she was able to connect with his
countenance. And what she saw there scared
her. Her father was hurting. Her father was
desperate. Her father wanted blood.
“You, get up.” He said to Sean waving the gun
at him and directing him towards Eva.
Sean crawled up from the ground, backing
away from him. He walked backward hitting
his legs against the couch. He was now side
by side with Eva now.
“Good boy.”
“What do you want?” Sean finally asked.
He now realized that whoever this man was he
needed something. And he would not get it if
he killed any of them. Then he had heard Eva
call him dad. He would get back to that much
later but first, he needed to know why this
man had burst into their privacy and
threatened them.
The Colonel turned and had them sit on the
couch. He faced them and sat on the couch
directly opposite them, aiming the guns at
both foreheads.
“I am sure you are wondering why I am here
and what I want. I am going to make it very
simple. I want to talk. Just talk. I want to
drop my guns now. But don’t go having any
ideas.” The Colonel said.
As he finished he nodded at their chests and
they both looked at their chests at the same
time. There was a tiny red infra-red target
marker on their chests. They looked up at the
Colonel.
The Colonel smiled
“I brought a few friends, just in case things
got, you know, a little bit out of control. You
know how stubborn you children usually are.”
He said and continued.
“But trust me; none of you will leave this room
alive if you decide to act funny. All I ask is
that you just listen to me. Give me a few
minutes. Listen to what I have to say. And if
you don’t like it, I walk out. And I will never
bother you again. That simple.” The Colonel
said.
He pressed the cartridge release buttons on
both guns and the cartridges containing the
bullets fell to the ground.
“You see? No guns from me. Now, hear what I
have to say.” The Colonel said.
**************************************
Ambrose touched down in Abuja at exactly
12:30pm the day before he was to resume in
the SPPS. He wanted a feel of the
environment, acclimatize to the weather and
maybe find one or two hotspots to cool off
after a hectic day. He decided against a taxi
and took the bullet train instead. He got on
the train, checked with the coach and dumped
his luggage in the suspender above his seat.
He got the window seat which he always loved
because it granted him ample view of the lush
scenery wherever he went. The speakers above
his head came alive and it was announced
that the train was about to move and the
journey would take twenty minutes. He shifted
in his chair, making himself more comfortable.
There was no one beside him. He closed his
eyes, desperate for a quick nap.
After seven minutes he opened his eyes. He
could not sleep. He felt uneasy. His stomach
rumbled. He got up and made for the toilet.
Just then a man who sat three seats behind
him got up too. He was slim, six feet tall and
wore glasses. He wore a tailored three piece
suit and had a gun inside his inner b---m
pocket. He walked slowly the same way
Ambrose went, towards the toilet.
As Ambrose closed the door behind him, he
quickly put his ears by the toilet door,
listening for footsteps. One of the rules for
every spy was, “Always Study Your
Environment.” Immediately Ambrose entered
the train and sat down, he noticed the man in
the three piece suit come in after him, He
could feel the man’s gaze on him. He knew
something was not right. Another part of him
told him he might just be over reacting. He
drew the conclusion that he had to be careful.
However, now the footsteps drew closer. He
now had no doubts in his mind that this was
the same man. The footsteps were calculated,
slow and precise. They were ordered. He
moved away from the door and waited. There
were three cubicles in the male section. He
was in the last one. The footsteps stooped and
a door opened. Ambrose guessed it was the
first cubicle. He was not too sure. He hated
being unsure. So, he made a deep sound as if
he was having trouble getting his business
done. He waited. A door shut and the
footsteps came again. Slow, calculating and
precise. He approximated the distance from
the first cubicle to the next. The second
cubicle was open so if he was a man in need
of a poo, the footsteps would stop. But it
didn’t. The footsteps continued and stopped
at his door. Ambrose groaned again for effect.
He was facing the door preparing for the
worst. He looked around the toilet and the
only thing he could see was a towel. He took
it and folded it in two. The door had a tiny
knob with no key hole. Even air would have a
hard time peeping through.
The knob turned and the door opened
outwards.
Ambrose kicked the door with all the strength
he could muster. The door hit the man on his
face and the gun fell off his hand. Ambrose
rushed towards him before the man could
regain his composure. He rained blows on the
man’s face and upper body.
He tied the towel around the man’s neck,
shutting the air out of him. The man gasped
for breath. Ambrose dragged him into the
toilet and put his head by the window. The
train was moving very fast. Trees and forests
were everywhere. There was a tunnel coming
up in the far distance. In a matter of seconds,
the man’s body would be headless if not
dragged back into the train.
“Who sent you?!!!” Ambrose barked, pinning
the man’s legs to the wall, his head and
shoulders outside the window. He strangled
the man tighter. The man coughed. He did not
reply.
“I said, who sent you!?” Ambrose shouted
again punching the man in the face.
The tunnel was visible now. If Ambrose did
not drag the man inside, the man would die.
He would not have any clue about who sent
him. He decided to let the man die.
“You brought this on yourself.” Ambrose said
pushing the man’s body farther out.
The man got this strength from nowhere, freed
his legs and hit Ambrose’s g---n with his knee
cap. He felt the choking hold on his neck
loosen, so he punched Ambrose on the face
and quickly pulled himself back into the toilet.
Immediately, the train entered the tunnel.
Both men panted and looked at each other
with cold stares.
The man was first to speak.
“My name is Special Agent Ken. You just
passed your interview.” The man said panting
and bringing out a badge from his pocket. He
threw it at Ambrose. Ambrose ran his hands
through the gold crest of the elephants on his
badge. It was genuine.
“What interview?” Ambrose asked.
“What you had at the Capitol was just a
courtesy visit. This WAS the interview.”
Special Agent Ken replied.
“One of us could have been killed! What sort of
crazy people am I working with?” Ambrose
said, standing up. The man got up too.
“This is my job. I have been interviewing
members for the SPPS for eight years. Let’s
just say, I like to gamble with my life.” Agent
Ken said.
Ambrose was about to retort when the
speakers above them came alive.
“We have two minutes before we reach
Gwarimpa. Please get ready.”
“Time to go.” Agent Ken said.
They cleaned up themselves and went back to
their seats.
“What have I gotten myself into?” Ambrose
wondered.
As they got off the train he got a message on
his phone.
“Code Red. Abort Mission.”
It was from Sophia.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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———Childhood Memories——
When I was a child, I used to…
Stand by the road with friends and
choose cars.
Eat food from the magazines.
Try and step on my shadow or be ahead
of it in
the sun when it’s behind me.
I believed that I had died in 1945 World
War 2
and was reincarnated (born again)
I always felt the trees and grasses inside
the
bush were running if I’m in a moving car.
Check inside the Radio to see the person
talking
or singing.
Jump a moving car’s shadow so it won’t
hit me.
Think pictures hanged on the wall always
stare
at me.
If I watched a movie and I wasn’t
satisfied with
the ending, I’ll just rewrite the script in my
head or dream.
I thought to appear on TV, one had to go
through a process to become small to fit
in a TV
box.
I expose my teeth in the sun just to get it
white.
Pretend I’m sick so I can miss school.
I’m was always happy when the
government
declares a strike so I won’t go to school.
I would kiss the television screen when I
see
beautiful girls on TV.
Try to force my hand in a bottle to feel the
inside.
When I took the 31st position in class out
of 35,
I will cancel the 3 and leave the 1.
I put pillow on my belly telling people I’m
pregnant.
Back slippers or sticks as a baby and
breastfeed
them.
Whenever I urinate on the bed, I will draw
my
sister to my side and sleep on her own
side.
I usually hit the television set feeling I’m
hitting
the actors
LOLS
* WHAT ABOUT YOU *


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-23 16:19:00

555 Views




Gham-e-Hyaat Pareshaan Na Kar Sake Ga Mujhe;

Ki Aageya Hai Hunar Mujh Ko Muskurane Ka!Related

Life is not like water. Things in life don’t necessarily flow over the shortest possible route.Related

There was a knock at the door.
“Oh! Who wants to spoil the show for me o” I mumbled as I jumped towards the door.
The children watched me as I behaved weirdly.
“Who is there?” I whispered
“It’s me” I heard the whisper from outside too
Who could that be?
I opened the door slowly and peeped through the slim slit.
I saw that broad face with a great smile.
Pastor!
I opened the door as a great relief dawned on me.
“Good afternoon sir” I genuflected.
He touched my shoulder briefly as he entered.
“Thank God you are here sir.” I was saying when he covered my mouth with his curved palm.
“I had to come. I arrived this morning and God said ‘go’…and here I am” he said silently, smiling
I was so glad as if I had found a long lost treasure.
We sat down and he bowed his head, mumbling words of prayer.
I rubbed my hands together anxiously as I could read that something great was going to happen in the house.
Power will confront power and power would pass power today!
He looked up and faced the children.
“Come” he said and they moved to him obediently.
He sat them on his knees and mumbled words of prayers.
I shook my head in ‘amen’ of whatever it was that he was saying.
I was just so sure that it couldn’t be curses
I trust my pastor.
He had been tried and tested.
Afterwards, he told all of us to go on our knees and we obeyed promptly.
“Just thank God because victory is His alone. Just say it anyhow in your own words” he said and I got ready so firmly and he smiled
“Pray well…but silently!” he added and we started the war.
As much as I wanted to get the whole gist of whatever was going on in the room, I was ready to obey the leading of this man of God.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Seeing my husband again after a long time set my tummy of fire.
There were like a billion butterflies in my belly as I set my eyes on me immediately I opened the door.
I was going to react rashly to him but as I set my eyes on him, all anger and furiousness flew away.
The warmth of his hug on my tummy killed it all!
I had really missed him.
As we walked to the creaky bed, he made way to quickly pack the litters of clothes off the bed so that I could sit down.
I was impressed.
“Welcome” I said again and he smiled as he pecked my lips softly.
Blood rushed into my face.
“I am sorry for everything” he said and my eyes widened.
If I could recollect well, that would be the second time in our entire fifteen years of marriage that he would use that magical word.
…and it really worked magic!
Things were changing!
I was glad!
He went on his knees as he held my hands firmly, looking into my pained eyes with such great penetration that I flinched
As he buried his face in my palms, I felt the moist- he was crying!
“I am sorry for ever causing you pains. Forgive me my lovely wife. Ogooluwa please” he cried on and my heart ached as tears ran down my face too.
I had with no doubt forgiven him!


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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I have fallen [Read it]


The Reverend father in my Community was getting tired of hearing us confess of adultery every time so, he told us to adopt saying, we have "fallen", and not go into details, as he would understand. Some weeks later, he was transferred and a new Reverend father from a parish in another town was transferred to our own. Everyday, we go to him, and say, we have fallen. The new Reverend father, being concerned, and not knowing what is going on, called me today, and said, I think you should tell the king to get the pavements fixed, people tell me that they have fallen everyday. I laughed hysterically, knowing exactly what it means. Don't laugh! said the Reverend father. Your wife fell seven times last week! I fainted!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-18 18:07:17

311 Views




Dr. Adebiyi:- Today we are
talking about what we
call"Question Tags",
Examples are:-
She is Coming, isn't
she? They have eaten,
havn't they? Dr. Adebiyi:- Now who
can give me another Example? Taichi:- Na Yam we go
chop today, Chopn't
we? Dr. Adebiyi:- What kind of
Sentence is that, Please
who can Correct him? Akpors:- Noooooo oooo
Bros Adebiyi, please no
mind him jare u knw say he be College
boy, the
Correct one na, Na
yam we go chop today, Yamn't we? Orflor :- I dey laff.... Laffn't i?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-06 06:26:02

390 Views




As soon as she saw him off to the gate, she turned and started back into the house.

Her steps were hurried, her heart pumping fast.

Inside, she sped up the stairs and pushed the door to her father’s room open.

But Prof was not in the room.
She headed to the adjacent door on her left and pushed it open.

Her father, now wearing his glasses, sat at his table at the corner of the quiet room, his eyes fixed on a large book on the table before him.

Professor’s Ilonna’s study was a special room. Any of the maids that has ever served in the house would tell you that that was the most important room in the house.

It was cleaned just once a week and on each occasion he supervised the cleaning himself.

He told whoever that was doing the cleaning what and what not to touch.

Once, a book was open on his table and Loretta, the maid before Ese, closed it as she dusted the top of the table.

That was the reason she was sacked.

‘She is constantly disrespecting the entire publications,’ Prof had claimed.

Professor Ilonna is a very methodical man. He is not troublesome, on the whole, but he doesn’t joke with his rules.

And his books.

Adaeze and Nnanna were allowed into the study on Thursdays and Saturdays. Their table was at the other end, facing the tall and gigantic open cupboard that was crammed with books.

Nothing unlike in a library, the books were arranged on the shelves according to title, purpose, edition or author.

A three-drawer file cabinet stood at the extreme edge and unlike the bookshelf was locked.

Prof has the key.

Little wonder now why a servant would spend an entire day cleaning just one room.

Because he was always usually there while the cleaning is going on, the maid is expected to do things quietly.

Very quietly and carefully.

Ese once dropped a book and her eyes opened so wide in fear that they were nearly popping out.

But Prof only gave her a look and said, ‘Pick it up.’

She reached to the book on the floor with shaking hands.

‘Dad?’ Adaeze called. ‘Dad, what was that for?’

Her voice was high, far beyond the acceptable level when inside the almighty study.

Once, when they were younger, Prof had gone out from the study to take a phone call and on returning, found Adaeze and Nnanna loud and laughing as they played a conversation game called ‘I Went To Market’.

He’d scolded them both but slapped only Nnanna on the head.

‘Dad?’ Adaeze called her father again.

Finally Professor Ilonna raised his eyes from his book. He took off his glasses, dropped them on the open book and turned his face to Adaeze.

‘You must cease all communication with that boy,’ he said.

‘Why?’ Adaeze returned to him sharply.

‘I do not like him.’

Adaeze drew in a long hot breath and puffed. ‘You feel he is not your class, is that it? He doesn’t have a rich father or parents whose name everyone know.’

Prof pushed back his chair and stood. He turned to his daughter. ‘You know me, child,’ he said, ‘social hierarchy means nothing in my assessment of others. Absolutely.’

‘So what then do you have against him?’

‘He is not to be seen with you.’

‘I don’t understand. If you claim you are not rejecting him based on his social status, on what basis then do you ascribe this your statement?!’

Prof sighed, made a sound with his tongue and stepped closer to his daughter. ‘Deze, as long as you are happy I will support whatever union, whoever you deem to take in as mate, just anyone, even a beggar on the street, I think I have enough money to feed your entire progeny, in whatever number they come, but you must—must, my dear—cease seeing that boy.’

‘Well, I won’t.’

Prof half smiled. ‘Deze, you are one stubborn child of your father. You are beyond intelligent, opinionated and voluble, which is all more refreshing than anything else to me. Haven’t I always been the one to give up, to concede, my dear? Remember them all: school, choice of courses, holiday locales, you’ve always been the one to choose. But now you have to oblige me this for once.’

He nodded, slightly. ‘Yes, child, you have to.’ Another nod. ‘You have to. Leave that boy and whatever that has to do with him. Go into the world, explore like you’ve always wanted to. Love comes just as easily as it goes if you throw open your mind, you once told me. You are a quintessence of acumen, my dear, you will make better acquaintances. You will meet someone else.’

‘No.’

‘Ada-eze?’

‘There is something you are not telling me, dad.’

‘I’ve said all there is to say. Leave Ekene, step away from anything that has to do with the Ozoemena’s. Forget he ever happened. You can do it.’

Without another word, Adaeze turned and left the study.

Prof heaved a deep sigh, licked his lips again and walked back to his table.

***

He got into his room a different person. So many thoughts skipped about in his mind.

He blamed himself for having gone. Having succumbed to her control.

Then he started replaying all that went on in the house in his mind, searching to see if there was anything, just something he’d done wrong.

He got nothing and his confusion ascended another notch, causing his head to ache the more.

He started unbuttoning his shirt, roughly jerking the fabric as though angry with it.

He left his clothes on the carpet and walked into the bathroom.

But the cold water did nothing to alleviate his trouble.

>>

I met this girl on fb and we ve been
chatting for 6 months now.
Today, i logged in and i saw her online,
and we started chatting immediately.
ME: Hello dear
HER: happy independence.
ME: same to u dear
HER: so where is my independence gift?
ME: Habba! Big girl like u is asking for
independence gift?.
HER: Abeg oo. Me am nt a big girl oo. U
wnt to deny me independence gift
abi? ....I
quickly went to buy N500 card and sent
the
pin into her chat inbox....
MEear manage this pls.
HER: noo, pls am only joking. I will nt
take
that.
ME: pls pls.
HER: and i refuse. I cnt take anything
from
u.
....i quickly loaded the card and
transfered it
into her line acct...
HER: u think u are smart eh? ....a minute
later
heard an alert msg tang-tang..''N1000 is
transfered to u from...''
ME: whats the meaning of that?
HER: i told u, u shldnt. ...(this girl wan
show
me big girl abi?) i used my last N2000 to
buy card, load am, making N3000 and
send
it to her.
....Some minutes later, an alert, tang-
tang..''N6000 is transfered to u from....''
chaiii..this girl wan try me? And i dnt hv
any money again! I called my friend and
borrowed the N6000 he was keeping for
his
landlord, i told him i will be expecting
N24,000 in the next 5min and i will pay
him
back...i quickly buy card of N6000, and
sent
her the N12,000..and i kept my phone
close
to my
ear expecting alert...
Ten minutes later, instead of msg alert, it
was a call from her...''Hello dear, jst call
to
thank u for the independence gift..we'll
chat later''......omo I faintd #


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-09 10:43:09

308 Views




Akpos was at home on the eve of Valentine’s Day when his girlfriend,
Ekaitee, came.


The following conversation ensued:


Ekaitte: [Smiles and holds Akpos’ head affectionately] Darling, are you getting me that Iphone 6 I requested for Valentine?


Akpos: No.
Ekaitte: But you promised?


Akpos: My religion does not permit me to celebrate Valentine.


Ekaitte: Who told you? Even Pastor preached about Valentine in Church last week.


Akpos: I’m now a Muslim
Ekaitte? What! Since when?


Akpos: Yesterday. And if you don’t mind, I want to go and say my final prayer for the day.


Ekaiite [Gets up angrily and heads for the door] You are not serious! It’s over between us.


Akpos: [Excited] No problem!
Akpos Joke: Valentine’s Day Conversion


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-14 13:39:03

426 Views




A daughter-in-law and mother-in-law were engaged in a verbal spat.

Mother-in-law: I have carried him for 9 months.

Daughter-in-law: Only 3.5 kgs? I carry him every night and he weighs 80 kgs now.Related

FATHER: Akpos, make
sure you pass that exam
otherwise just forget that
I'm your father!
AKPOS: Sure thing dad,
I'm bound to bring smiles
to your face.
5 HOURS LATER...
FATHER: So my son, how
was your exam? I'm sure
u passed it excellently...
AKPOS: Sorry excuse me,
do I know you?



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-12 06:16:29

643 Views




Dear fanz.
I am writing this to you all for 3 reasons:
(not my usual jokes)
.
1. Life, fortune and mishaps are unpredictable, nobody knows how long he lives. Some words are better said early.
2. I am your role model, and if I don't tell you these, no one else may tell you.
3. What is written is my own personal experiences( you might senior but note...maturity is not by age) that perhaps could save you all a lot of unnecessary heartaches.
Remember the following as you go through life:
1. Do not bear grudge towards those who are not good to you. No one has responsibility of treating you well, except you and youself alone.
To those who are good to you treasure them & be thankful. Also you must be cautious. Everyone has a motive for every move. When a person is good to you, it does not mean he really likes you. Be careful, do not hastily regard the person as a real friend.
2. No one & nothing is indispensable.
Once you understand this idea, it would be easier for you to go through life when people around you do not want you anymore, or when
you lose what/who you love most.
3. Life is short.
When you waste your life today, tomorrow you would find that life is leaving you. The earlier you treasure your life, the better you enjoy life.
4.Love (lust) is a transient feeling. It fades with time & with mood.
If your so called loved one leaves you, be patient. Time will wash away your aches & sadness.
Do not exaggerate beauty & sweetness of love, and do not exaggerate sadness of falling out of love.
5. A lot of successful people did not receive a good education, that does not mean that you can be successful by not studying hard!
Whatever knowledge you gain is your weapon in life.
Men can go from rags to Richie.

.
.GO-GETTER(sfn).


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-18 06:06:18

233 Views




Akpos was always stealing his mother's
money any where she hid it. The mother,
very confused about what to do, decided to
talk to her husband about it:

WIFE: I don't know where to hide my money
from Akpos. He has discovered all the secret
places I keep my money.
HUSBAND: It's very simple. I know where you
can hide the money from him. He won't
know where it is.
WIFE: (excited) Where?
HUSBAND: In between his school books because akpos will never open his Books to Read



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-14 14:58:58

547 Views




Guys as INEC don fall our hand we must look for alternative.

1. My phone fell inside water

2. ATM machine trap my card.

3. We had emergency Quiz @ School.

4. lost my wallet in the taxi

5. Can't believe rat has chop my passbook half

6. Malaria things o o

7. We have Church program and i follow for the organizing committee

8. No NEPA light since 2 days now and my "i pass my neighbor went mad".

9. I took my grandma to hospital for check up

10.  My car just developed fault o o and u kw i don't enter public transport.
.
.
.

Which one do u go for? Pick yours and SHARE to ur fellow guys
No dulling.
Feel free to add any other better excuse u can think of.





NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-13 17:09:14

900 Views




Joke: - three dummies Akpos, okon, akpan decided to go hunting. Okn says he's going to get an antelope. He goes out, and indeed comes back with an antelope. The other two friends ask how he did it. He says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get an antelope."

So the akpan says that he's going to get a doe. And he does. They ask him how he did it, and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get doe."

So akpos says, "I'm just gonna shoot at anything I see."

So he goes out and comes back half a day later all beaten, bruised, bloody, and totally trashed. The other two friends ask him what happened and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get hit by train!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-14 09:42:37

429 Views



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