Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:

Naija bobos [Read it]


Teacher: Today's topic is based on shapes.
There re so many kinds of shape: circle, ball shape, sphere.
Chinedu: Mom am back
Mom: Welcome son, what were u taught today at school?
Chinedu: we were taught shapes Mom
Mom: So tell me two type of shapes
Chinedu: Ball shape, sphere
Mom: Give me an example of a 'Ball shape'
Chinedu: Daddy's stomach, Mom did daddy swallow BALL
Mom Faints????????????????
All this Nigerians I no understand oo. All this Obas and Ezes their own too much. Now I dey imagine if tok say Jesus na Nigerian man, all this one wey obas dey do no reach wey dem go write for their plate number 'OBA OF IPODO LAND' now con guess wetin BROS J plate number go b like if he be NIGERIAN.. I DEY WAIT O????
All this Nigerians I no understand oo
U go see other white people Facebook name as
Alexandra bell, Deborah Smith
Now con see Nigerians name: iamthatslimshordyamaka tellthemitznnekaissabella
Now if Bros J na Nigerian and he dey Facebook how him name go b like?.........
IamthatsonofGodthatdiedforyoursinstheonlyangelandSonofmanHisnameisJESUS????????????????????... # Nelson!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-20 12:57:46

393 Views



school joke [Read it]


Akpos is a very naughty boy, he has away of
giving replies to questions and making people
feel stupid. Sure you are going to enjoy
this..Here is the conversation between Musa ,
Akpos and their Teacher..TEACHER: Anything
you cannot see, touch and feel does not exist.
Example, Can u see God?MUSA: NOTEACHER:
Can you touch God?MUSA: NOTEACHER: Can
you feel God?MUSA: NOTEACHER: This means
There is no God.. (Akpos was mad at the
Teacher for being an Atheist and saying there
is no God) so......Teacher: Can anybody give
me any other example?AKPOS: Yes
Ma,TEACHER: Go ahead AKPOS(AKPOS faces
the teacher)AKPOS: Can you see your brain?
TEACHER: NO,AKPOS: Can you touch your
brain?TEACHER: NO,AKPOS: Can you feel your
brain?TEACHER: NO,AKPOS: Therefore, YOU
HAVE NO BRAIN..Do you support Akpos?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-09 08:19:09

396 Views




Alcohol is like the liquid version of Photoshop!Related

Luke: yes;she is not like that
Alex: you kept defending her;why?
Luke: i am not defending her;i am just saying the fact
Alex: i believe you;so what is her name
Luke: the truth is that i don't know her name
Alex: you are really funny;a girl that stole a kiss from you;you don't even know her name;you are very funny(he laughed)
Luke: what is funny?
Alex: why didn't you asked of her name
Luke: i just don't remember and when she left this morning i was still sleep
ing
Alex: she slept at your place?
Luke: no;we slept at my car
Alex: you are a bad boy;even in the car
Luke: will you get out of here with your bad thinking;
Alex: tell me;are you going to marry her
Luke: you are crazy
Alex: is it because she is not good enough for you
Luke: not at all(he laughed)she is cool to be with and real
Alex: hmm
Luke: come on;i have a patient to attend to
Alex: alright;i got to go and please next time you want to hang around;call me and not her
Luke: you are naught(they both laughed)
Danny: brother;why haven't you returned my wife car
David: i am still unable to get it Danny: what do you mean by that?my wife haven't notice because she is not yet back
David: i know;but please stop taking it out on me;is not like i lost the car
Danny: i didn't say you lost the car but please bring it back;i don't want to get on my wife Nerves
David: are you scared of your wife
Danny: no i am;but i just don't want to irritate my wife
David: please;i didn't steal it i just use it as a pledge
Danny: you kidding right?
David: i am not;just don't bother me
(exit David)
Danny: i cant believe it(curtain)
Vivian: hey;girl
Darling: have you gone insane
Vivian: meaning?
Darling: are you so blind that you cant see Loveth
Vivian: God forbid;i don't want to talk to her after she slept in some boys place and run her mouth like tap
Loveth: i am sorry
Vivian: i wouldn't accept that?
Loveth: Please;can we just stop fighting and please make up;i am sorry
Vivian: fine;i will forgive you
Loveth: thank you very much
Vivian: but on one condition
Loveth: which is?
Darling: will you stop;the girl said sorry;just leave it at that
Vivian: what i want her to do will interest you
Darling: nothing will interest me
Vivian: fine;are you ready to hear the condition?
Darling: no;keep your condition to yourself
Vivian: you want to follow her
Loveth: no;just say it
Darling: you are buying that?
Loveth: yes
Vivian: good girl,what is the name of the boy you slept at his house
Darling: what?you slept at a boy house
Loveth: which boy
Vivian: don't lie to us;i was there when your mom said it all
Loveth: i didn't sleep at any boy's house;i slept at his car
Darling: i cant believe this;you a church girl slept with a boy and of all the places you choose is his car
Vivian: i cant believe it;i am dreaming
Darling: you are not
Loveth: no i didn't;i just kissed him(she close her mouth)
Darling: the truth is coming out little by little
Vivian: so tell us what is his name?
Loveth: i don't know his name;we just met at the bar but he is a medical doctor
Darling: oh! you kissed him because he is a medical doctor?
Loveth: no oooo
Vivian: medical doctor love
Loveth: please; stop it;it was all a mistake
Darling: mistake indeed
Loveth: can we just go to somewhere and eat
Vivian: yes Mrs doctor
Darling: but tell me;do you have feelings for him
Loveth: no
Darling: but before we go;what kind of a man do you want to marry?
Loveth: like my idea man?
Vivian: of cause
Loveth: i don't want a man who like to drink;who leave his dirty dishes unwashed;i don't want a man that is so proud;who tells no jokes except making money?i don't want a man who boss me around;i don't want a man who want a pretty wife to make him proud;i don't want a man who cant just stop talking about himself
Vivian: really
Loveth: i just want a man to hold my hand and walk the world with me;to hold me tight when we are asleep;i just want a man that talk to me and not my rank;i just want a man who make me laugh;i just want a man who love romance and funny too(she flashback to the incident with Luke and smile)
Vivian: hey why are you smiling(she hit her)are you okay
Loveth: yes;i am fine
Darling: are you thinking about the doctor
Loveth: of cause not;lets go(to herself)stop thinking about him


Darling: what are you saying?
Loveth: nothing let just go home
Vivian: shall we
Darling: of cause(curtain)


Monica: hey Luke
Luke: hi;look at you;you are all grown up
Monica: you too;i cant believe this is you
Luke: is me fresh and blood
Monica: you are really more handsome now
Luke: you too
Monica: are you sure
Luke: of cause;(phone message)what?
Monica: is there any problem
Luke: my mom;is sick;her driver said she want me to come check on her



Monica: oh sorry about that
Luke: is not your fault;i got to go
Monica: wait;let me drive you;is like you are tense
Luke: i am not;
Monica: please;
Luke: alright






see more....




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A man longs to wed a maiden with her virtue intact. He searches for one but resigns himself to the fact that every female over the age of 10 in his town has been at it.


Finally he decides to adopts a baby girl from the orphanage. He raises her until she is walking and talking and then sends her away to a monastery for safekeeping until marrying age. After many years she finally reaches maturity and he retrieves her from the monastery and marries her.


After the wedding they make their way back to his house and into the bedroom where they both prepare themselves for the consummation. They lie down together in his bed and he reaches over for a jar of petroleum jelly.


“Why the jelly?” she asks him.


“So I don’t hurt your most delicate parts during the act of lovemaking,” he replies.


“Well, why don’t you just spit on your cock like the monks did?”Related

Santa: Chris Gayle by hitting 175 runs in an IPL match has spoilt my married life.

Banta: How?

Santa: Jeeto wants me to perform like him in bed!Related

In Parliament:

Speaker: Now I invite Mr. Rahul Gandhi for his address to the nation.

Rahul: 12, Tughlak Lane, New Delhi

Sonia: She is asking you to address the nation and not our home address!Related

F: Forget

L: Love,

I: I’d

R: Rather

T: TeaseRelated

I took my bath fast and collected my payment from
pastor Joshua before heading back to my lodge. It
marvelled me that some pastors and born-agains
patronised call girls. The fact that call-girls had no strings
attached made it a safer and heckle-free option for them
as the stress and responsibility involved in maintaining a
girlfriend or mistress was way too much and could result
in scandals if not taken good care of. Imagine pastor
Joshua who always preached against pre- marital and
extra-marital s3x now the chief culprit. I shrugged my
shoulders in disgust. I had enrolled for some driving
lessons and had learnt how to drive, so driving to and
fro wasn’t difficult. I got to my hostel around 12 in the
afternoon and first took tea and bread as I was very
hungry before I lay on my bed to rest. I was feeling very
weak and my temperature was slightly high. I soon
drifted off to sleep and woke up around 4 in the evening.
I was drenched with sweat and my temperature was
high. I had headache too. With the little energy I had, I
went to a pharmaceutical shop nearby and bought some
drugs to control the fever. The fever stopped but I
developed persistent itch in my private area. The itch
was so discomforting that I had to rush back to the
pharmaceutical shop to explain my predicament to them
and seek treatment. The man gave me some anti-fungal
creams to rub in my pu $$¥ and also some antibiotics to
take orally. He also advised that I use c0nd0m regularly
and properly each time I had s3x. That moment, the
reality of the magnitude of the risks I had exposed
myself to struck me. My fear wasn’t pregnancy but std
(sexually transmitted diseases). I was on oral
contraceptive pill so I wasn’t afraid of pregnancy.
Contracting std was my major concern. But then it wasn’t
all my fault. The men I slept with were very wealthy and
had more than enough money to pay for my naked pu$$
¥ and refusing to give it to them the way they want could
ruin my business so there wasn’t much I could do. I had
to live with the risk and make as much money as
possible. The drugs the pharmacist gave me proved
effective and soon had the itch under control. It also
took care of the fever and headache and I felt better. But
I still had to complete the dosage of the drugs to prevent
recurrence. I kept my business and runz on hold till I
fully recovered before I opened my phones again and
waited for calls to star pouring in but surprisingly no call
came. The little time I stayed away from business had
affected my availability and I felt bad. I decided to log
unto facebook to check what was happening online. My
inbox was filled with messages as usual but I just
glanced through and logged out. All these online stuffs
always turned out to be scam so I wasn’t moved by the
messages. Rather I waited patiently and hoped that the
calls would start pouring in. When I waited and waited
without any call coming through, I decided to call
senator clifford…

>> Episode 35 -

There was this old woman who heard a song called “Two Lips and Seven Kisses.”


She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get the name of the record company. In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, “Do you have “Two Lips and Seven Kisses?”


The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, “No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!”


So the woman asked, “Is this a record?”


To which the man replied, “No, its average!”Related

Pissing contest [Read it]


Two
men
walk
into a
bar,
one
wearing
a
cowboy
hat
and
the
other
wearing
a
Yankees
cap.
The
guy in
the
Yankees
cap
approaches
the
bartender
and
make
a bet:
"I'll
bet
you
$1,000
that I
can
put a
shot
glass
at one
end of
your
bar
and
piss
into it
from
the
other
end of
the
bar
without
spilling
a
drop."
The
bartender
laughs
and
says,
"You're
crazy,
but
you're
on."
The
man
positions
a shot
glass
on one
end,
walks
to the
other
end
and
unzips
his fly.
He
then
pisses
everywhere
-- all
over
the
walls,
over
the
bar
top, all
over
the
bottles
of
booze,
and all
over
the
bartender.
The
bartender
roars
with
laughter
and
tells
the
man to
pay
up.
The
guy in
the
Yankees
cap
pays
up,
laughing
and
smiling,
too.
"What
are
you
smiling
at?"
asks
the
bartender.
"You
just
lost
$1,000!"
"Well,
you
see
that
guy in
the
cowboy
hat
over
there
crying?
Before
we
came
in, I
bet
him
$10,000
that I
could
piss all
over
your
bar,
your
walls,
your
liquor
AND
you,
and
not
only
would
you
not be
mad --
you
would
laugh
hysterically
about
it!"
TO


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-18 11:10:06

772 Views




Akpos and Kwame met at a bus stop and
struck up
a conversation. Kwame kept complaining
about his
family problems. Finally, Akpos said to
Kwame, "You
think you have family problems? Listen to my
situation:
"A few years ago, I met a young widow with a
grown-up daughter. We got married and I got
myself a stepdaughter. Later, my father
married my
stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter,
my step
mother. And my father became my stepson.
Also,
my wife became mother-in-law of her father-
in-
law. Much later, the daughter of my wife, my
stepmother, had a son. This boy was my half-
brother because he was my father's son. But
he
was also the son of my wife's daughter which
made
him my wife's grandson. That made me the
grandfather of my half-brother. This was
nothing
until my wife and I had a son. Now the half-
sister of
my son, my stepmother, is also the
grandmother.
This makes my father, the brother-in-law of
my
child, whose stepsister is my father's wife, I
am my
stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her
own
child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew
and I
am my OWN GRANDFATHER!"
One word for Akpos?



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-06 14:30:30

604 Views




A group of men gathered at a church
conference on how to live in a loving
relationship with their wives. The men were
asked, “How many of you love your wife ?” All
the men raised their hands. Then they were
asked, “When was the last time you told your
wife you love her ?” Some men answered
today, some yesterday, majority didn’t
remember. The men were then told to take
their cell phones and send the following text
to their respective wives: I love you,
sweetheart…
Then the men were told to exchange their
phones so one can read the other wife’s reply
to the love message.
Here are some of the replies:
1. Have you impregnated someone again
2. That was then, not now
3. You wan borrow money abi?
4. What did you do again? I won’t forgive you
this time.
5. Meaning?
6. Is that a new song?
7. Am I dreaming?
8. If you don’t tell me who this message is
actually for, you will die today!
9. U dis man!! I asked you to stop drinking.
10. Abeg na who be this?



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-27 11:20:01

407 Views




There are giant hornets in Japan whose venom can melt human flesh.Related

Akpors was caught red handed by his principal writing "MAY GOD PUNISH MY PRINCIPAL"
PRINCIPAL: What nonsense are you writing?
AKPORS: Sir, I have not finished writing it.
PRINCIPAL: [angry] What do you mean. You are insulting me and you are telling me that you have not finished?
AKPORS: This is not what I want to write.
PRINCIPAL: So what did you want to write?
AKPORS: I wanted to write "MAY GOD PUNISH MY PRINCIPAL`S ENEMIES"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-30 07:39:59

10729 Views




“What are you trying to do?” She says as she struggles with me. I am trying to seize her hands to the bed. It’s either I tear off the pyjamas and the inner wears if they would be the obstacles to this Important assignment – even if I decide to relent, the spirit of that herb will not allow me.
———*******———
“Do you want to rape your own housewife?” The word heaves out of her throat between the struggle, but still in a low tone.
Housewife indeed – a so-called housewife would only deprive her husband of this commodity for five consecutive days. I don’t want to say a word until this mission is accomplished. I keep struggling, and she keeps proving a superwoman with me.
“I will shout o!” she pants.
“You dare not shout,” I clutch at her panties, after taking off her pyjamas, “only a shameless housewife will do that in the middle of the night, you know.”
———*******———
Now, her strength seems to intensify. I am not surprised about that. Her father is from Calabar, and her mother, Ondo state. (Make una no vex ooo evry Calaber & Ondo abi no b so..)
She pushes me roughly, but I maintain my position on top of her. At last, I bury my head into her bosoms.
As if a cold water is poured on a fire, her body calms at once. Her struggling hands drop weak to the bed, and she is holding me closer. Moans of pleasure releases from her mouth. Oh! My potent organ will swing to action at last. I will soon be there, baby – Oh yeah….
Suddenly, I felt a painful pierce on my chest.
Story Continues…. Nxt episode drops in a jiffy


>>

When ever I find a female driver in front of me, I do not know why I get “Chak de India” feeling….
Isne left ka indicator diya hai…yeh left mudegi…par nahin iska face toh right ki taraf hai….yeh right mudegi….par isney toh beech rastey main lipstick nikali hai….

Yah Khuda yeh toh break maregi!!!
????????Related

Let’s play “Hide n Seek”. I’ll hide behind your back and when you start seeking me, I’ll rush to your arms.Related

Funny mother [Read it]


A woman and her 7 years old son were inside a Taxi.
It was raining and all the twilight girls were standing
by the roadside. The Boy asked; “Mummy, what are
all those women doing?.” His Mother replied; “They
are waiting for their husbands to come back from
work.” The Taxi driver turned around and said; “Why
don’t you tell him the truth?. Little boy, they are
prostitutes, they sleep with men for money.” The
Boy’s eyes got wide and asked; “Mummy is that
true?” His mother, glaring hard at the driver replied;
“Yes.!!” After a few minutes, the boy asked;
“Mummy, what happens to the babies those women
have?.” She replied; “Most of them become Taxi
drivers.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-05 18:22:09

400 Views




HUSBANDS FOR SALE !
A store that sells husbands has just
opened in Zimbabwe , where a woman
may go to choose a husband. Among the
instructions at the entrance is a
description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of
the men increase as the shopper ascends
the flights. There is, however, a catch ..
You may choose any man from a
particular floor, or you may choose to go
up a floor, but you cannot go back down
except to exit the building! So, a woman
goes to the Husband Store to find a
husband .
On the first floor the sign on the door
reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love
the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the
Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the
Lord, love kids, and are extremely good
looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled
to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign
reads:
Floor 4 These men have jobs, love the
Lord, love kids, are good looking and help
with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can
hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the
fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 These men have jobs, love the
Lord, love kids, are gorgeous, help with
the housework, and have a strong
romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes
to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6: You are visitor number
4,363,012 to this floor. There are no
men on this floor. This floor exists solely
as proof that many women are impossible to
please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband
Store. Watch your step as you exit the
building, and have a nice day!
Please send this to all men for a good
laugh and to all the women who can
handle the truth!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-03 07:12:06

679 Views




Done wanking. Let’s watch the rest of the porn movie…..         Said nobody ever!Related

Val registered [Read it]


Assuming the Government instruct everybody to register their boyfriend /girlfriend on or before 14th February 2016.
As a good citizen You obeyed, but the machine tells you,
"sorry the person you are registering has already been registered".
What will you do?



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-04 12:15:48

383 Views




Lipton Tea manufacturer
wanted a new advertising
gimmick, so the senior
creative manager at the
advertising agency
decided to go to Rome to
see if he could persuade
the Pope to make a TV
commercial.
"We'll give you one
hundred thousand
pounds for a ten second
commercial." the
manager told the pontiff.
"All you have to say is:
'Give us this day our daily
tea'.''
''I'm sorry,'' replied the
Pope, ''but I can't do that.''
''Five hundred thousand?''
offered the manager.
''I'm afraid not,'' said the
Pope, solemnly.
''All right. One million
pounds. And that's our
very last offer.''
But still the Pope refused.
On his way back, the
disappointed manager
turned to his secretary
and said, ''It's odd that the
Pope refused to do a
commercial for tea. I
wonder how much the
Butterfield bread people
are giving him to say 'give us this day our daily bread'.''



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-12 06:25:55

679 Views




A bright morning this morning was, the normal early morning fog of nsukka covered the whole environment making me peep the window every now and then to catch a glimpse of it.

This morning have set up on a more brighter note, i have had a wonderful dream where i was driving a newly bought range rover sport sniffing hard and taking in that heavenly new car smells.

Waking up to meet a whatsapp message from Amanda, announcing she has bought a new iphone6 for me with a picture of it attached and then pleading that i should come home, she misses me.
“Is papa not enough?” I muttered to myself with a broad smile c-m laughter covering my face.

A new iphone6, Amanda missing me like crazy, a beautiful damsel in love with me in nsukka and other numerous girls that are potential catch from the way most eye me when they walk pass.
My life all of a sudden was wonderful and happy again with everything falling in place.

Chioma prepare a breakfast of egg and bread washed down with hot chocolate drink, Jessy as usual have rushed off early for school saying she had an early morning lectures.
I have always wondered ” Na only jessy waka come, why is it that Chioma doesn’t go to lectures as much as she does” .

Cynthia dropped by on her way to lectures to say ‘Hi’ i noticed the aloofness in chioma’s facial expression as i joked and teased Cynthia who seemed like she doesnt want to leave anymore.
It was a happy morning, my mood was a happy one.

“Sky i don’t like it when that girl comes here” Chioma announced as i walked in after seeing cynthia off to the door, her face tilted down facing the floor.

I knew why and her thought for saying that, asking why was unnecessary.
“Cynthia is just being friendly and their is no need for you to be getting worried over nothing” I said softly taking hold of her shoulders slightly feeling her body shiver a bit.

I watched her right hand slightly travel up to the back of my neck, her eyes now tilted up and fixed on mine.
Unsurprisingly she pulled my tall frame down a bit to herself raising her heels to bring up her height more.

Missing such clues was not in my nature; I slid my hands down to her back and pushed her up more with my face dropping low into hers meeting her lips that felt like a supernatural bliss all over my body.

Her lips twirled and turned in mine, feeling the warmth the feel of her palm at the back of my head created with an intense spark.
Her other arm went round my back pressing the skin tightly making my back jerk a bit.

“Sky” Her mild silky smooth voice whispered into my ears dragging my eye balls straight into hers.
“Yes” i answered back in a tone slightly lower than a whisper.

“I love you” She breathed out again filling my nostrils with the strawberry-like scent of her mouth.
I dove my lips back into hers pushing her slightly and gently with my body making her step back towards the bed, with her slowly taking her body down into the bed but her lips were still locked into mine and her hands still on my back so my body had no choice but to follow.

She relaxed on the bed with my body now slightly on hers lips still locked and my hands straying and journeying down to the space between her boobs grazing her boobs through the flimsy yellow top she wore.

My lips dove to her ear lobes, taking them into mouth and twirling my tongue round it. A slight moan flew out of her mouth and made it’s way into my ears and from the sound of that sound track she was on a higher ground already.

i pushed my lips down to her neck nibbling away at it, my hands grabbing her boobs fully and it was perfectly the size of my palms fitted into it like it was created for it.
I ran my tongue round her neck biting on her skin and slowly lifting her top and two beautiful boobs stared at me as the top slid out of her body without much difficulty.

i pushed my shirt off and roughly took the boobs into my mouth sucking it a bit hard and at the same time caressing it with gentle squeezes sending more sound track out of her vocal cord.
my hands journeyed through her bare slighty hairy stomach, opening the iron button that held together the waist of her jean bum short.

The fly was open in not more than 10 seconds and she pulled it off herself revealing a glistening clean shaven mould of p---y skin, she was not wearing panties and my high blood pressure was dragged up drastically.

Junior sky was now trying to escaped from the white basketball shorts i wore like prison break.
my lips dug into her n-----s again, twirling on it and giving them soft bites with my right hand now rubbing her c--t furiously sending juices smearing just a little below.

her moans now became more frequent and breathe audible, her hands grabbed my head and pushed my head weight down into her boobs more clenching her teeth and her toes curled tight, my middle finger rub up and down he slit and then disappeared into her hole in a slippery motion.

Going in and out of her p---y with my middle finger while my lips now travelled up to muffle her moans that seemed to me was becoming a bit loud.

“Sky please make love to me now, i need you in now” She breathed out amidst the kiss..
I yanked off my short and boxer exposing junior sky who sprang out like nelson mandela released from prison shouting “Freedom!!”

Her legs wide open as it is were shimmering with her juices somehow smearing sparsely on her thighs.
I positioned my s---t just at the entrance of her p---y, the tip almost half way in and sparks of electric-like shock waves surging through me already.

“Sky wait”
“Ogini? whats wrong”.. My eyes popped.
**why this girl call me back from my trip to jupiter na**

“Please use a condom” She intoned looking into my eyes with a slight smile on.
“I don’t have one and i don’t like it” I replied “Don’t worry ok…”

She relaxed again opening her legs wider than before giving jnr sky more nudge than was required..
I resumed my previous position with the tip directly almost in, rubbed jnr sky vigorously up and down her slit with juices smearing on the head giving it a shinny look.

I pushed my waist forward plunging my s---t into her wet canal, gaining ground inch by inch as her p---y gripped my s---t like tighter than tight making me groan a bit.
Her toes curled hard and mouth fell open with a facial expression that made it look as if she was crying.

I inched deeper until the whole length of my D--k was buried into her, her legs wrapped around my back as i began to t----t in and out of her in long slow strokes sending a pinch of pleasure on my body each time that always seem to make me increase my tempo.

“oooh aaah uuuhm sky, i love you, i lo……..aaaaahm” flew out of her mouth pouring more fuel to the flames of my lust.
i grab her legs and shifted both to one side making her lie on her side with her a-s facing me.

Plunging into her again with her raising her leg a bit for easy access.
The room turned black, curtains swaying round and bed seemingly turning upside down, my head feeling heavy and light at the same time if that is possible.

An orgasmic anointing hit me from head to toe, the bones on my body groaned and my legs went numb as my s---t blew its load deep into her, inducing a spell of o----m in her.

Her body shivered and convulsed under me, while my whole structure felt unsteady as they funny zig zag motion my waist now moved dancing to the tune of one of the most intense orgasms i have had in my life.

I fell on the bed beside her savoring the sweet after effect of a good o----m..

“I love you sky” Her voice came again and this was the third time she was saying that word.
I tiled my face to face her this time seeing her questioning eyes peering into mine like she was searching for something or expecting something.

“I love you too” I whispered feeling a cold wave pass through my stomach.

“Love is not what i need now”

..To be Continued..


>>

A little child ask Akpos wat is d full meaning of pdp
Akpos:papa disgrace pikin
The child ask again wat is d full meaning of Apc
Akpos:ask papa child




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-09 11:47:15

6043 Views




*VERY INTERESTING STORY*
A Baby was born in hospital laughing instead of crying, the
more the nurses beat him, the more he laughed so hard,
suddenly the doctor noticed he had something in his
hands,so he pulled the tiny hands apart and discovered he
was holding 3 abortion pills.
The baby then turned his head looking at his mother,
laughed again and said "No Weapon Fashioned against Me
Shall Prosper!"
Such occurrence is highly questionable,
however if you believe "no weapon fashioned against you
this year shall prosper", type ~AMEN~.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-14 10:18:59

137 Views




A girl invited her boyfriend (Akpors) over for dinner in her house so he could meet her parents. While they were eating, it started raining heavily,
so the girls mother said;"Akpors, i think you should sleep over here because the rain shows no sign of stopping anytime soon"
After eating, the mom went to the toilet and the father went to sleep while the girl went to the kitchen to clean the plates. When the girl and her mother returned to the sitting room, Akpors was not there, they checked all over the house and did not find him. As they were wondering what happened to him, he walked back into the house, really soaking
wet, and with a plastic bag.
Girl's mother: Where were you and why are you so wet?
Akpors: I went home to get my pajamas ma'!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-06 11:01:17

1025 Views




Jo aaj k time mey single hai

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.

.

.

.

.

wo Chandra Shekhar Azad se bhi jyada azaad hai.Related

Good Afternoon Nairajokers

Do you know that
Pidgin English is the only
language where
Questions and answers
can be the same thing.
QUESTION: Light dey?
ANSWER: Light dey.
#B-goF


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-09 12:57:31

297 Views



Bad Doctor [Read it]


A girl walks into a doctor's office. The doctor was
awed by her beauty and all his professionalism goes
right out the window.
He tells her to sit. Then he starts to rub her thighs. He
asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
She replied, "Yes! You're checking for abnormalities."
Then he tells her to take of her shirt and bra, rubs her
boobs and asks her, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
She says, "Yes! Checking for cancer."
Then he takes off her panties and starts having sex
with her. Then he asks again, "Do you know what I'm
doing?"
She said, "Yep! Getting HIV! That's why I came here."



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-09-23 00:03:07

305 Views




Father Lord! Anywhere girls are planning to use me as a 'MUGU', God destroy her plans in Jesus Name!



Oh God! Any girl who is using her breast to confuse my destiny, Holy Ghost fire! Burn those breast right now in Jesus name!



Any girl who has vowed that she would never date me, God, make her to see me taking her for shopping in her dream!



Any girl who has slept with 5 different men including me and wants to
tie me down with pregnancy that is not mine, God make her forget my
name!



Any girl who I'm dating and calls me only to tell me her BIS/AIRTIME has expired... Oh Lord! Divert her calls to kidnappers!



God! If any of the girls is here, let her post and comment be invisible... nobody will see it in Jesus Name! AMEN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-26 15:21:59

863 Views




Big Ben to be named “Elizabeth Tower” in honour of diamond jubilee of the accession of Queen Elizabeth II to the thrones of seven countries.

Quite a sex change.Related

SK: How come?
Me: I found out she was almost 3 weeks pregnant before i met her in my school
Sk: but you went to the hospital and your own doctor confirmed that her pregnancy was 3 month as at the time you visited
Me: I don’t know how she was able to manipulate the doctor
SK: I won’t be surprise if Mama fuck the doctor in the hospital, that one na small thing to do
Me: I think that was exactly what happened
SK: How did you find out the truth…..
Me: I met a guy who once dated Mary before, not just only him but his other 3 friends, Mary was fucking them at the same time and in fact the guy has a lot of her nude pictures, i was just playing with the guys laptop on this particular day when i saw her picture and he told me all that transpired between them, how she was fucking the 3 friends at the same time, got pregnant and trying to push it on either of them
They rejected the pregnancy and doctor had already advised her against abortion as any other one might lead to her death. So, it was so unfortunate that i met her during that same period, i guess that was the reason why she agreed to have sex with me on our first meeting and decided to play a fast one on me
Sk: Now you are talking..i said it earlier why Mama will fuck you same day she met you if there was not something involved…
Me: The guy was even the one that told me that his friend staying in portharcourt still come to my house to fuck Mary at interval anytime he comes to Lagos …
Sk: Mama was still fucking another guy even while you already accepted the pregnancy, she should have laid low now and settle down in marriage
Me: i guess maybe the guy was threatening to expose her so she had no option than to give in to the guy anytime he is around
SK: That is serious…
Me: I left that my guy place because i already told Mary i was not coming home
SK: You lied to her you were not coming home..where did you go to?
Me: My former fiancée place
Sk: So, you guys had started seeing each other after you got married
Me: It wasn’t that easy to let go like that when i know i don’t even love the person i put in my house as a wife.
I got home and Alas, i caught Mary red handed having sex with another guy on our matrimonial bed, with 8months pregnancy fa
SK: I believe that was the video that was posted online
Me: Yes..i recorded them just because i wanted to show my parent the video as they will never believe me without that kind of evidence…so, i think that is what brought me here
SK: This is serious…it was another version of this story Mama told us
Me: What exactly did she tell you guys
SK: She said she was dating you in the past and decided to follow another person, you couldn’t take it, so you came to her matrimonial home with some armed guys, instructed she and her husband to unclad, have sex with each other while you record them.
The annoying thing was that two of the guys also had sex with her that very day, but it was the only video of her and her husband that you posted online but hide the one of your guys, she wanted you to feel the pain too before dying.
Me: To God who made me, have never seen a gun in my life before aside with the police, here is where i will ever set my eyes on a pistol.
SK: So, how will i know that your own version of this story is the truth..
Me: Believe me SK, what i just told you is the real truth..what will i gain from lying, i don’t just know who posted the video online
SK: I still don’t believe but one thing am confuse about was why we deleted the guy in the video if he was Mama’s husband truly
Meeleted as in?
WATCHOUT FOR PART 21



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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The next five days was the fastest i ever
witnessed in my life, days were as fast as
something else. Events affected my worklife
as i
couldn’t concentrate at work. I was forced
to put
in for part of my annual leave just to get
myself
together and never let people be aware of
my
predicament.
I never stopped calling Biola for a moment
to see
again but she wasn’t ready for me at all, i
so much
believe she would have changed her
number if not
that so many people knows her with the
number.
Mary left my place on Friday to go tell her
parent
of our intending visit and prepare ground
for us.
Sunday was here already, initially i declined
going
but i was forced to follow mum after call
from
popsy. Mary already sent description and
her home
address to my phone early that morning
and that
was without me asking. First time i knew
she was
staying in Surulere.
We stepped out of the house in my car
straight
down to Surulere. Her house is one of the
flat on
the estate around Folawiyo mosque in
Surulere.
That was around shitta roundabout. She
came out
to pick us at the junction on arriving there
and led
us straight to their flat on the second floor.
She offered us a seat on entering the house
and
went inside to call her mum, It was a
surprise
when her mum came out of the room
My Mum: Mrs Adebanjo…………….or is this
not you?
Mrs Adebanjo: Mummy Ola………………….
My Mum: Yes of course………………Lord is
wonderful,
good afternoon ma, eku ojo meta….Ahh,
eku atijo
Mrs Adebanjo: awa niyen ooo……Ojo meta
Niyen,
how have you been ma, awon daddy nko?
“i was confuse already so as Mary”
My Mum: He is doing good ooo..we were to
come
here together but he is out of town
Mrs Adebanjo: This is serious…so, you are
my inlaw
that have been waiting for
My Mum: You can see the wonders of
God…………..
Mrs Adebanjo: Ka sha ma se dada (Lets be
doing
good)
My Mum: awon Daddy nko? (What of
Mary’s Daddy)
Mrs Adebanjo: Ahhh….Daddy ke, won ti
salaisi like
7 years ago (He died 7yrs Ago)
My Mum: Olorun a tewon safefe
rere………………What
of Peter and whats that his brothers name
then
Mrs Adebanjo: Mathew…they are both
doing
good…….and this is Mary, the pregnancy i
had then
before we left our area
My Mum: Dont tell me its the same
pregnancy we
use to joke about then that it should be a
lady so
that my Ola will marry her
For more stories visit www.funloaded.com
Mrs Adebanjo: Its the same pregnancy
oooooo……
abi e ma rise olorun (That is God’s work
for u)..He
works in a miraculous way.
My Mum: (facing me)..i know u guys are
wondering on what’s happening…………Ola,
do u
remember Mathew that you guys used to
play
together then in our former house when you
were
young?
Me: Am still trying to figure that
out…………….Mathew? younger brother of
peter
Mum: Yes of course now…………..Is this not
their
mum or you cant pick the face again
Me: i remember them very well ma
Mrs Adebanjo: so, this is Ola? The small
Ola
then………..ki olorun ma pa omo folomo
My Mum: amin ooooo…………No much
introduction
again now abi what else? Both families are
not
new to each other ….lemme even call your
dad
right away to inform him (Pick up her
phone to call
my dad)
They discussed about meeting the
Adebanjo’s
again and also spoke with Mary’s mum
during the
phone conversation. They served us food,
was
surprised when Mathew walked in and the
face ring
bell immediately as he didn’t even change
much. I
was able to recognised him instantly. Peter
is
married and i learnt he was staying in
Abuja.
Their father’s uncle met us at the meeting
and
both family agreed that there is no reason
for
delaying again and the best thing was to
do the
necessary thing before the pregnancy will
be so
obvious so that people wont make jest at
us.
My mum suggested that we should do a
low key
introduction of both family and it would be
best
even if it can be a parlour introduction.
They were
okay with the idea as that was what they
also have
in mind. Introduction date was fixed for 6
weeks
time and they promised to get back to us
with the
list of items they will require for bride price.
I was so moody all through my stay in their
house,
Mrs Adebanjo even noticed but couldn’t
ask me
what was wrong. The relationship between
me and
Mary says it all but my mum was just
there to
cover everytyn up like all was well. On our
way
home, had series of conversation with my
mum
Mum: My son…….you need to let go of how
you and
Mary met and all what happened. You need
to
forge ahead in life…The mistake has
happened
already and the only option now is to look
towards
the future with your wife. Thank God she
came
from a good home and am sure she will be
of good
character just like her mom. Please am
begging
you oko mi..i believe Biola too will get over
it
overtime.
Me: okay Ma…e seun Ma
Mum: I will discuss with your dad to know
how to
go about the introduction stuff. Let us
know as
soon as they bring the list to you. Its like
your dad
will be coming back tomorrow though he
said he
was not sure yet.
Me: okay Ma.
My Mum: You will go and drop me at
home……….
Me: are you going back today?
Mum: Yes of course…or have not tried
enough? Let
me go and prepare the house, my husband
might
show up tomorrow abeg
Me: Ohk….

To Be Continued…



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Our Bed !!! [Read it]


At a small parish in rural England there lived a priest, and several nuns. One day, one of the older nuns was noticing that the rugs in the church were beginning to fray.
She went to the priest and told him, “Father, I believe your rugs need to be replaced soon.”
The priest thanked her for bringing it to his attention, and told her that he thought that she had been there long enough to refer to church property as ‘our’ not ‘your.’
Several days later, the same nun noticed that the hedge needed to be trimmed.
She again went to the priest and told him, “Father, I’ve noticed that your…I mean our hedge needs to be trimmed.”
The priest thanked her for again bringing something to his attention and this time asked her if she had seen his watch that had gone missing. She said she hadn’t, but assured him she would look for it.
A few days later the parish received word that the bishop would be coming for a visit. The entire parish was busy readying the church for the visit.
On the day the bishop arrived, the same nun came down the front stairs yelling, “Father! Father! I found your watch!”
The bishop said, “How wonderful my child. Where did you find it?”
After saying hello to the bishop, the nun turned to the priest and said, “I found it under OUR bed.”tempRelated

Akpos sat in a bar and was very moody. Soni goes over and asks; ‘Akpos, wetin happen?’.
A very sad looking Akpos replied: ‘I borrow Rukewe N2million to do facial surgery, and now I no fit recognize am to collect my money back.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-24 16:39:50

448 Views




EPISODE 35

***KNOW THIS***

“Ask and it shall be given to you”. Our earthly Parents may know what we need but they’d expect you to tell them by yourself what you really want. We all know that GOD is our FATHER and HE knows our various heart desires; He expects us to have it in mind that HE’s always there for us and for us to ask HIM for our needs. There is nothing neither too big nor too small to ask our GOD. HE is always there for us only if we could go to HIM. HE is our ALL SUFFICIENT GOD! And always remember to thank HIM for everything. How would you feel if you did someone a favour and he/she refused to say ‘Thank You’?

**CONTINUED**

I started hearing gunshots from the outside; I didn’t know what to do because I was tied down and I can’t call for help, who will I call when I don’t really know what was going on?

I struggled to throw myself down but I couldn’t; I started praying slowly while facing the entrance door. Just then Lola burst in.

Me: Lola? **Surprised** what are you doing here?
Lola: Came to rescue your a$$, where is Mirabel?
Me: I dunno where they’re keeping her
Lola: **untying me** we need to find her before Dorothy and her full gang gets here
Me: Ok but how did you know we’re here?
Lola: Now is not the time to talk about that, we need to leave this place as soon as we get Mirabel
(She untied me)
Me: Thanks Lola
Lola: You can thank me when we leave this place in one piece. Now that I’ve found you, I need to call Mirabel’s mother for reinforcement because we’re no match for Dorothy’s gang. But the problem is how will they trace us?
Me: Where is your phone?
Lola: Here… **Handed her phone to me** Lemme go look for Mirabel
Me: Ok

I wanted to call Ike but I dunno his number off-hand not even Vincent or Frank’s. Then I dialed Nancy’s number since she’s been freed but it was switched off. I swiftly scrolled through her contact list in search of the first lady’s number; I dialed it as soon as I found it. She picked the phone…

Me: Hello? It’s Victor Ma
First lady: Victor what happened to you? Where have you been? And why’d you call me with Lola’s cell phone?
Me: Please send me Frank’s number ma. It’s urgent
First lady: Urgent? Where are you?
Me: Ma this is extremely urgent; please send me Frank or Vincent’s number I need it very badly to get myself and Mirabel out from here
First lady: Ok Ok… give me a minute
Me: Please hurry up Ma or better still, just send this number to them. Tell them to track it and get to the location as soon as possible with the Police or the Army
First lady: Ok alright I’ll do that right away

*She hangs up*

I put the phone on silent and hid it somewhere in the room then I walked out of the room to see what’s going on outside. On stepping out, I saw the lifeless body of those two guys that came into the room with Dorothy of which one of them knocked me down when I tried to follow Dorothy. I picked up one of their gun (a rifle) in case of anything.

Mirabel: Victor!
*I turned around and saw Mirabel with Cynthia*
-She ran towards me and hugged me very tight while I did the same-
Mirabel: Oh my God… thank God you’re alive! I thought you died, I mean I saw you dead. They brought your body to me and you were dead **crying**
Me: They faked it, I’m not dead
Mirabel: What happened? Where did they keep you?
Me: They tied me down on a chair in that room **Pointing the room** so what happened to you? Where is Marcus?
Lola: Here…

**We saw Lola coming with three other girls and Marcus with his hands tied together **

I left Mirabel immediately and ran towards Marcus and beat him up
Lola: Victor that’s enough, we need to get going now
(They had to dragged me off him before I could let him go)
Lola: The car is parked somewhere along the way, so we need to get there fast because it’s not too close

While getting out of the building, Lola and Cynthia with Marcus were behind us while I and Mirabel were in the middle as the other three girls take the lead ahead of us. So I couldn’t help but ask Mirabel something that has been bothering me.

Me: Did he touch you?
Mirabel: Who?
Me: Marcus
Mirabel: **Speechless and uncomfortable**
Me: Talk to me, did he sleep with you?
Mirabel: We will talk about everything that happened here when we get home
Me: I don’t want you to say everything; I just want a yes or no

At that point, we were on verge of stepping out of the building before we heard gunshots killing the girls who were already out of the building so we ran back into the building to take refuge

Lola: Dorothy is here!
Cynthia: What do we do now?
Marcus: Surrender
Me: Shut up!
Marcus: You can’t escape now
Me: How about I blow your head off?
Marcus: I will have nothing to lose

Dorothy: **From outside** Lola! You’re outstripped! I give you all 50 seconds to come out and surrender or we will shoot aimlessly at you till you all die. 1…2….3…..4…….
Marcus: Your time is budging very fast
Me: You shut your mouth up!
Mirabel: What are we going to do now?
Dorothy: 29…30….31…
Lola: Let’s go
Me: I will take the lead
Mirabel: Are you sure?
Me: Yea let’s go

I dragged Marcus with me as I take the lead out of the building to Dorothy.
Dorothy: Drop any weapon you have on you
**Lola and Cynthia unharmed themselves; I already dropped the gun I had with me inside**
Dorothy: Go check them and take the guns**Ordering her guys**
Guy 1: Clear
Dorothy: **Came closer and stood face to face with Lola** Remember me?
Lola: Yea you’re that b!tch I ditched off some time ago
Dorothy: Really? Good thing you remember and I hope your guts save you today. Now let Marcus go
*I hesitated*
Dorothy: Let him go now! **Pointing gun at us**
*I let go of him go; immediately he punched my stomach two times. Mirabel screamed out. I thought Dorothy would scold him for punching me but she didn’t. Instead, she shot him three times in the chest *
Dorothy: You ba$tard! I warned you **referring to Marcus**. Now move inside all of you
**We went inside the building and stayed in the bigger room**
Dorothy: Victor come here
Me: **Refused to move**
Dorothy: come here!
Me: No!
**The next thing I heard was pow! She shot Lola in the chest**
Mirabel: **Screamed** Lola!

**I saw Lola on the ground with blood spilling down from her mouth and her body where she was shot**
Dorothy: I’m not playing around Victor; come to my side
Me: You crazy b!tch! (I ran towards her with rage to harm her)
Dorothy: Victor! **Pow**
Me: Ah! **she shot me at the left side of my chest; I fell down**
Mirabel: Oh my God! Victor!
Dorothy: **Shocked** what have I done?

**Just then we started hearing serious gunshots outside; more like a gun battle this time**
Cynthia: (Peeping through the window) the army is here

Dorothy was still standing dumb; still in shock when Cynthia stunned her with a hit and pinned her down so she won’t escape while Mirabel was telling me to hold on and be strong that help is here.

The military came into the building and took over it. One of them said ‘clear’ then Ike and Frank came in to identify the victims. They pointed us excluding Dorothy so the military arrest her and immediately took us out for medical attention.

TO BE CONTINUED


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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True fact [Read it]


Imagine a world with no ambition, we cannot become what we need to be by remaining what we are.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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traveling [Read it]


am traveling to 2015 .na so if u hav any thing to tell me to tell 2015.. tell me na o so I will tell him..







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-31 21:52:48

240 Views






A newly married Nigerian couple brought a female house help from the village to assist in keeping their home tidy, so they would have time for their careers and other more important things.

One day, Oga decided to give his wife a surprise package. He moulded a big heart (to represent love) with the assistance of the house help, a project which took almost the whole day.

Madam came back to meet the house help sleeping and snoring:

MADAM: Will you get up now! Stupid girl! What have you been doing since morning?

HOUSE HELP: Madam welcome. No vex abeg. Me and Oga dey make love since morning. Na just now now we finish he say make I lie down small.

The house help is now on admission at the Lagos Hospital.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-07 19:16:48

282 Views



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