Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Bunty: Why did our class teacher come to your house last night. Something to complain or what?

Pappu: Actually, I’ve been suffering from insomnia so my parents requested the teacher to come and teach me something and I can fall asleep!Related

i asked God [Read it]


I asked God to take away my pride. And God said
“No”.
He said it was not for him to take away, but for me to
give it up.
I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
And God said “No”.
He said her spirit was whole, her body was only
temporary.
I asked God to grant me patience. And God said “No”.
He said patience is a by-product of tribulations. It isn’t
granted, it is earned.
I asked God to give me happiness. And God said
“No”.
He said he gives me blessings, happiness is up to me.
I asked God to spare me pain. And God said “No”.
He said suffering draws you apart from worldly cares
and brings you closer to me.
I asked God to make my spirit grow. And God said
“No”.
He said I must grow on my own. But he will prune me
to make me fruitful.
I asked for all things that I might enjoy life. And God
said “No”.
He said I will give you life, that you may enjoy all
things.
I ask God to help me LOVE others, as much as he
loves me.
And God said, Ah, finally you have the idea.



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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I trudged into our flat, as usual Maria-my step mother was
sitting; crosslegged in the parlour.
"Ekun le oo" I said trying to sound cheerful
"Maami good evening." I greeted her again,
She did not reply, she glued her eyes to the television.
That's your problem, I shrugged, and walked towards my
room.
"Oshi!- Devil!" I heard her say, I quickly turned to look at
her.
"Aje- witch!" she added again.
I became apprehensive, trouble in the air.
"go and tell your fellow witches that my head is too strong
for them o" she clapped.
Is this woman okay? I asked myself, I moved towards my
room but stoped again when something struck my head
from behind.
The sharp pain surged through my body, I let out an ear-
deafening scream- thats my major talent.
She pulled me roughly, "let me warn you, if you tell your
father anything, I'll kill you!"
I stood still, staring at her.
"Take your winchy eyes off me jare! Oya go and fetch water
for me."
"okay, let me pull off my uniform."
I moved towards my room, tears streaming down cheeks.
"which uniform? Go like that jor!" she pushed me roughly.
I dashed to the kitchen, picked a bucket and made for the
bore-hole, to prevent more beating and insults.
The borehole was about 20 blocks from our flat, I filled my
bucket,and made towards home.
I wished my dad would just come back, he's gone for his so-
called 'business trips'. If he'd been around, I wouldn't fetch
water, he made sure we buy from water vendors.
"Tejumola Benson!" someone called from behind me. I
turned sharply and saw Bisi my classmate running towards
me.
Here comes the over sabi-sabi, I rolled my eyes.
"So you fetch water too?" she asked. I didn't reply.
"you should have changed from your uniform first now."
she added.
Over sabi-sabi mind your business now, I wanted to tell her.
"Thanks for your concern" I replied with sarcasm
"Its alright" she gave me a donkey smile. Eeewww!
"Let me help you, I'm going down the road." she collectedd
the bucket of water, balanced it on her head and we walked
home.
"Teju, you were funny during french class, that day, hmm."
she said.
I simply grunted.
"You see this house?" she said as we walked past a huge
mansion.
"yes"
"shey you know David ko? The assistant head boy, ehen, the
house belongs to his father, they all live inside." Bisi
explained.
"Ehhn! Tell me something." I said in a gossip like fashion.
"Hmm, you mean you don't know? His father has three
wives now, David is the only son, with about 15 sisters. My
dear, each of them have a well furnished room. You know
their father is a senator" Bisi rattled on.
"Thanks for the info" I was sarcastic again. Thank God she
didn't notice
"not atall, if you need any story, just call me, I know almost
everything." she said dropping my bucket of water right in
front of my house.
"Thanks" I wore a plastic smile.
Amebo number 1, I wanted to tell her
"Hmmn, bye"
I watched her leave before taking my bucket of water into
the house.
"How many hours did it take you to fetch just a bucket of
water?" Maria snarled.
I turned the water into a drum and made to walk past her.
She pushed me and I toppled over, bashing my head on the
floor, I shrieked in pain.
"! I will make this house miserable for you, so far you and
your witches won't let me give birth."
"I didn't hold your womb, go and ask the doctor who helped
you abort so many babies when you were a love peddler in
town." I blurted out, I was surprised at myself.
Wow! I'm now grown,not the little girl she used to molest.
14 yrs no be beans, I'm not called Tejumola for nothing.
She stared at me surprised, hate-pain and anger written all
over her face.
"Who did you call a love-peddler?" she marched towards
me.
I backed away slowly, too slow enough for her to grab me.
She beat, scratched and pulled my cornrows. I begged and
begged to no avail. Sensing she might kill me, i stopped
begging.
I held unto her tightly, brought my mouth close to her ear
and screamed with all my might.
She quickly released me cos my scream could make her go
deaf, it was piercing and irritating.
I ran out of the kitchen, into my room. I quickly bolted it,
locked it with keys.
She banged at my door.
"Teju open the door, I'l kill you today." she yelled.
"Ashewo kobo kobo no market today?" I screamed back at
her
she fell silent, I could hear her sob, winchy-wincho! I hissed.
I examined my injuries, just then I remembered i was
hungry.
There was no way maami is gonna feed me today, I will wait
till she is asleep, then I'l steal some packs of indomie.
Man pikin dey suffer! I told myself after gulping down three
cups of water.



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Akpors with his newly wedded wife Ekaete

AKPORS: hunny,i have a problem
EKAETE: point of correction,do not say "l" say "we",your problem is my problem,we are one nw
AKPORS: Ok hunny,your secretary is pregnant for us


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-21 07:00:19

467 Views



Where is God II [Read it]


One day in a catechism class, the
teacher asked a question: TEACHER: Students, where does God
dwell?
A boy stood up to answer... BOY: God dwells in the toilet! The answer was so funny, the teacher
joined the proceeding laughter. Later
on, the teacher called the boy and asked
him the reason for his answer. BOY: In our house, we have only one
toilet. My father wakes up every
morning to find my mum in the toilet.
Then he will always shout, "MY GOD, ARE
YOU STILL THERE?!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-04 22:02:35

284 Views




Back to Reality!
My Mum enters my room and shout, "Merissa!
Hurry up and come down stairs for your breakfast
so we could leave for Church." My mum brought
me up to be organized, we never late for any meeting we both had. So far, I will bet my mum is
the best but everyone says their mum is the best
so who really is the best mum on earth? Well, let
me save you from that; it’s definitely mine! My
mum owns her own business too but she tries
her best not to go platinum like my Dad because she knows
if she does, there won't be anyone to look after
me so she set a small store with about nine
branches in Accra alone. I know that’s probably
too much but that is our definition of living small.
If the word ‘Fashion’ could be replaced, I would nominate
my mom to replace ‘Fashion’, she knows all the
tit-bits of Fashion and this has instill in me a great
‘fashion sense’. You might say I am over-
pampered but that is your mouth, I don't blame
myself for being their only child. While in my bath robe, I exit the bathroom and sit
on the makeup chair staring at my face on the
mirror. I grab my mascara eye liner and did her
magic on my eyes; my eyes are hazel with of pure
crystals, don’t be jealous. My lips are that of the
strawberries after glossing them with red lipstick. After gently combing my hair, I dash into my
room closet for my perfect selection of outfit. I
stare at my clothes unenthusiastically but couldn’t
even select a wear for my mood. I glare so
desperately into the clothes that is displayed. I
settled finally for a blue Tiffany gown with glittering stone jewelry to adorn my ears and
neck. The gown is very tight as it brings all my
tush to limelight but I don’t care, they can stare
what my Creator has blessed me with. I don my
black Stilettos making sounds as I walk down
stairs and having my blue DKNY clutch bag on my hand.
I dash down looking so hallelujah for Jesus. Mum
is already there spreading the margarine on her
bread. I quickly toast my bread and spread my
favorite strawberry jam and eat to delight while
sipping Irish coffee alongside. I got to love this combination while on my last summer vacation
to Ireland; my friend Sue taught me this delicacy.
We finish eating and prepare to leave the
building. We walk outside to a spectacular view of
sparkling beauty from our cars. I tell mum we
need to use the Jaguar today. “Mum, we should use the Jaguar today, please,
pretty please” Yes, I had to re-emphasize on my
please.
"Aw, I had decided we use the Cadillac, but
anyways you win."
Yay! I win, we have fleet of cars from any brand you can think of but won't go into that detail
before some of you begin to judge me. Despite
we have all these cars, I really can't point to one
and say that’s mine. This is one of my problems
and I have
written it in a letter and addressed it to my Parent's parliament for deliberations. I know
pretty well when I am admitted into the
University, I will surely be given a car as my own
doll.
I drive the Jaguar as my mum sit beside me, we
sing so graciously to Church. The distance to church is only twenty minutes. At the church, we
hop down and take a seat among the pew. I have
always loved sitting in front so I can have a first-
hand view at the new Presiding Pastor. Hmm!, So
far, he is the kind of man I want, anytime he
comes to the pulpit, my mind goes on a trance where we both are doing what you are thinking
now.
It was time for Hymn singing; we all stand and
sing to our creator. My church had left the age of
paper system, everything was digitalized. The
Hymn was projected on a white screen for all of us to read but I just didn't like reading it from
there as I prefer reading from my Ipad; such a flat
device with the entire Hymn in it and the Holy
Bible in it. I begin to thank my Creator for bringing
me in this Twentieth Century Age and not then in
the Stone Age. The Presiding Pastor walks to the pulpit and give
his sermon but really didn’t know what he was
rambling about as my mind isn't there. All I watch
is his lips communicating to us and fantasizing
how those lips could do her magic on my body.
His beard so nicely trim and also he has that voice like Enrique Iglesias. I have tried so many times to
make myself seen around him but it always end
futile. It was time for prayers. We all stand praying
for what we so much desire in our heart. I pray to
be selected in the University Admissions. I just
don’t want to sit at home for too long. I know you will be wondering why I am saying
this because I can choose to pay for any school I
want. I just came down from the states some
months ago and I have been hearing odd news
about the University on how they impose courses
on students to study. Example of one that even got me infuriated was where a student was given
Music and Psychology to study other than that of
his Computer science proposed study. Why
should they impose a course I don’t want? Well, I
hope that doesn’t happen to me because I have
good grades, my dream is to study Bio-Chem. I am so curious about chemical solutions and
reactions and hopefully one day, will be working
for Tullow or Shell. I don't want to study outside
the country as I can get that within the snap of
my fingers. I have gone through elementary
school and higher education over there and have decided to school here in Accra but they are
proving to be a stiff knot to untie. Now, you can
see that I have lot of problems just to mention a
few.
After church service, I laugh and smile while
having pleasantries with my friends. We ramble about the dudes in church and their dressing. We
just didn't mind our business. Later, Mum finish
with her women fellowship meeting and we drive
home.

>>

I can stand anything but a succession of ordinary days.

-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe German dramatist, novelist, poet, & scientist (1749 – 1832)Related

My Nairajoke [Read it]


Oh my nairajokes
The first day i met u ma heart skip tip-tog,there re no wrdx to describe hw happy i feel wen i read ur beautiful jokes/story written by great authors !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Am glad i met u.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-02 22:29:37

491 Views




After a few years of marriage life, Akpos found out that he is unable to perform.
He went to his doctor, and his doctor tried a few things but nothing worked. Finally he referred him to a psychiatrist.

After a few visits to the psychiatrist, the psychiatrist confessed, "I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured."

Finally the psychiatrist referred him to a native doctor.

The native doctor said, "I can cure this." He threw some powder on a flame, and there was a flash with billowing blue smoke. The native doctor said, "This is powerful healing, but you can only use it once a year! All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!".

Akpos then asked the native doctor, "What happens when it's over?". The native doctor replied, "All you or your partner has to say is '1234' and it will go down. But be warned, it will not work again for a year!".

Akpos came home and that night he was ready to surprise his wife with the good news. So, he was lying in bed with her and said "123", and suddenly it stands

His wife turned over and said, "What did you say '123' for?".
Akpops fainted


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-26 11:59:35

1219 Views




Luke: everything you don't understand
Alex: will you stop that
Luke: alright;fine;i am sorry
Alex: better;so why is she crying?
Luke: she said i should tell her the honest truth if she knows how to cook and i said no;she doesn't know how to
Alex: you did that?that is mean
Luke: i really don't mean to but she insist,so i gave in
Alex: poor thing
Luke: is not my fault(he brought out cookies and ate it)
Alex: do you still eat that?
Luke: of cause;you remember this is my best part during my secondary school days
Alex: yes;and your mom will always complain that you always stole it when she didn't gave it to you
Luke: point of correction,i didn't stole it,i just collected it(they both laughed)
Alex: collect in deed;without permission(laughing continued)
Luke: you are crazy. do you want?(he collected)partners in crime
Alex: naught you,who gave it to you?
Luke: you will never change;you will always asked after eating,back then is;is it your mom that gave it to you?but now,who gave it to you?
Alex: of cause;i know your mom had stop making this(he continued eating)this is nice
Luke: a friend of mine gave it to me
Alex: do you have any friend apart from me?
Luke: why would i have?am i crazy?
Alex: better
Luke: look at your face(enter Muriel)
Alex: then who gave you?
Luke: Loveth
Alex: who is Loveth?
Luke: the girl;i told you about
Alex: oh!you finally have the courage to answers her;her name
Luke: you are mad
Alex: but is the fact
Luke: i am not scared of her;i just don't have the opportunity
Alex: alright;are you two friends now?
Luke: yes;she is funny to be with;caring and crazy too
Alex: is like you are falling for her
Luke: will you stop;she have a fiance
Alex: really?what about your feelings?
Luke: will you keep it low?people might hear you and start thinking i am crushing on someone else's fiancee(Muriel clear her throat)mom;did you need anything?
Muriel: no;i thought I heard voices so i decided to check on you?
Alex: good day ma
Muriel: how are you son?
Alex: i am fine ma
Muriel: alright;what are you discussing?can i join?
Alex: if you wish ma?
Luke: (he hit Alex)no mom;you cant
Muriel: why?
Luke: is boys talk
Muriel: alright;if you are done tell me
Luke: no problem mom
Muriel: who gave you cookies?
Luke: i bought it
Muriel: alright;can i have some?
Luke: of cause
Muriel: thanks(she collected some and walked away)
Luke: what where you thinking asking mom to join our conversation?
Alex: nothing,just go on and tell me more about her
Luke: for now that conversation is over;lets just go and play chess
Alex: alright;after you(curtain)

Loveth: what are you doing here?
Jude: why have you not been picking my calling?
Loveth: that doesn't answer my question
Jude: i called you;you didn't picked so i decided to come check on you
Loveth: really?weren't you the one that said,'you shouldn't visit people without calling them?
Jude: i did called you but you refuse to pick up
Loveth: why should i pick?after humiliating me in your house
Jude: you did something bad that is why i scold you
Loveth: really?i am not a baby(she raised her voice)
Jude: are you screaming at me?(he pushed her inside)are you stupid?
Loveth: i am sorry
Jude: sorry for your stupidity and next time don't ignore my calls or messages(he walked away)
Loveth: what am i getting myself into?take a deep breath;you can do;i will try and make it work;i can change him;i think i am giving him hard time that is why i just cant see the good in him. i will learn to love him and live by his rules and regulations(curtain)

Joan: nurse;where is doctor Luke
Nurse: Ma;he is in ward 1, attending to that old man
Joan: alright(enter Luke)
Nurse: oh!here he comes,good day sir
Luke: good day;how are you?
Nurse: i am fine;sir
Joan: Luke;the little girl in ward201 has refused to take her drugs and the another doctor said you are the one who always make her do so
Luke: Sharon
Joan: yes
Luke: lets go(at the ward)pretty
Sharon: superman(he laughed)
Luke: yes dear;i was told you don't want to take your drugs
Sharon: yes;i don't want to;they are too much
Luke: really?
Sharon: yes
Luke: but they are not as much as your hair and the grain of rice and juice you take everyday(she laughed)am i right
Sharon: i know but i don't want it
Luke: is like the princess is happy that her mom is sad
Sharon: i am not
Luke: so what do we do to make her happy?
Sharon: get well fast
Luke: how will you do that?
Sharon: by taking our drugs
Luke: that is good(she collected the drugs)go on take it and after that when i am less busy i will tell you a story about the three mean step sister
Sharon: really?
Luke: of cause(she swallow all the drugs)good girl(he clapped for her)
Sharon's mom: thank you doctor
Luke: is nothing i go ahead
Sharon: by superman(he laughed and flashed back to Loveth)you are a superman
Luke: thank you(he walked away)
Joan: i go ahead also(to herself)he is so friendly to kids;i wonder if he is so nice to a strange kid what about his own?i just wish he picked me

Yemi: hey what are you doing in the kitchen?
Monica: what does it seems like?i am cooking
Yemi: cooking rubbish
Monica: mind your language
Yemi: the truth is bitter;but it is good to say the truth
Monica: i am not in for those your rubbish,i didn't come here for your rubbish;i came here to get back what was mind in the first place
Yemi: you wish,he was never yours that is why he left you in the first place,so if you think he will come back to you;you must be dreaming just let i and Joan fight for his love,you do not have any space in his heart anymore
Monica: so you think
Yemi: i don't think i know so
Monica: excuse me
Yemi: go on loser


Jude: mom;is she here?
Liz: who?
Jude: Loveth
Liz: are you expecting her?
Jude: yes;i told her to meet me here
Liz: alright
Jude: she is suppose to be here at least 20minutes back
Liz: maybe...oh here she comes
Loveth: good day ma
Liz: how are you?
Loveth: i am fine
Liz: alright;i go ahead(exit Liz)
Loveth: i am sorry;i delay
Jude: is okay;i wanted you to help me drop a letter at the post office
Loveth: alright
Jude: he got a text message(he read it)baby;you wouldn't be going anymore
Loveth: why?
Jude: someone at my office will do that for me
Loveth: alright;so i have to go back to the office(she stood to leave)
Jude: not so fast(he dragged her back and she fell on him)at least stay with me for sometime;lets do some catching up
Loveth: really?
Jude: of cause
Loveth: alright;where do we start from?
Jude: anywhere
Loveth: alright(she sat close to him and stared)
Jude: what?
Loveth: i was just thinking if it is you?
Jude: why?
Loveth: nothing really
Jude: are you sure?(he touch her face and she move backward)are you alright
Loveth: yes i am fine
Jude: i don't think so
Loveth: i am fine(he held her neck and she withdrew)
Jude: are you sure you are okay?
Loveth: yes;i am but i wasn't sure that i want to do this
Jude: what do you think i want to do to you?do you think i want to rape you?
Loveth: no;is just that....
Jude: what?
Loveth: i am sorry
Jude: is okay(he try to touch her lips and she lock her eyes)what is wrong with you?
Loveth: nothing i am sorry
Jude: you are getting me irritated
Loveth: sorry;i am sorry(she held his hand)i am really sorry
Jude: you kept saying sorry and you don't act towards it
Loveth: go on do what you want,i wont stop you
Jude: fine(he dragged her closer to kiss her and phone her rung)
Loveth: let me get it
Jude: just let it be
Loveth: it might be important
Jude: alright fine(she stared at it and find out it was superman and refused to pick)are you not picking it?
Loveth: don't worry about it(he collected the phone)let me have it(she try to get it but she couldn't)
Jude: who is superman(he called again and pick it)are you having an affair with him?you are shitting on me?
Loveth: i am not;he is just my friend
Jude: what is his name?
Loveth: i don't know(he slapped her)you are hurting me
Jude: what is his name
Loveth: i really don't know(he check her text message and saw a lot of text from him)i swear i don't know
Jude: you are sick(he loose his belt and used it on her)useless girl
Loveth: i really don't know;stop it(she cried and begged him)
Jude: tell me his name?(enter Liz)
Loveth: i don't know?(he continued hitting her)
Liz: son are you mad(she held her hand)
Jude: mom;let me teach this slot a lesson;she is keeping male friends
Liz: and so
Jude: i want the name of this particular one and she refuse
Loveth: he is just my friend and the truth is that i don't know his name
Jude: you bloody liar(he try to hit her again and she ran out)come back here
Liz: son;you are too hot temper;your action will chase her away(she walked away)
Jude: mom;please(curtain)

Muriel: Yemi;i am going out if my son comes;tell him i am out
Yemi: alright
Muriel: later(exit Muriel)
Yemi: i like this;home alone with no one to disturb me. is party time(she laud music and dance)i love this(enter Luke)party time
Luke: what is going on here?
Yemi: Luke..





SEE MORE.....



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Santa: “Bante, Daily Chyavanprash Khane Se Chusti Rehti Hai.”



Banta Hairani Se: “Sach Mein, Mujhe Bhi Bata Na Kon Chusti Rahti Hai? Bata Na Bhai, Bata Na.”



Santa: “Abbey! Chusti Rahti Hai, Chusti Yani Fitness”

Sale, Ye To Hai Hi Gande Dimaag Ka, Aap To Ye Nahi Soch Rahe The Na. ????Related

Battalion Cocktails…

An Army Battalion was having a cocktail party to welcome the new Brigade Commander.


A circular was sent out to all: “Cockfail at 7 PM sharp at the Officers Mess.”


The Commanding Officer saw the spelling mistake and asked the Adjutant to amend it.


The Adjutant did & it read:


“Refer to circular, read tail, instead of fail cock stands, as it is.”Related

Santa: I do not want to marry coz I am afraid of women.

Banta: Get married soon, then u’ll be afraid of only one woman & start loving all other women!Related

The eternal quest of the individual human being is to shatter his loneliness.

~ Norman CousinsRelated

HEAR MY STORY
Episode12

So, you see my dear, there's no one without a past,but it doesnt
matter how ugly your past is,a bright future awaits you if you are
in Christ Jesus..said Mrs Williams.
Now,to your situation.She continued..We must find a means by
which your parents would hear about it, & then we take it up
from there.
Let me talk to my husband about it,as i can't handle this
alone,then i'll get back to you.
When she left,i started thinking..i was so blessed &
encouraged by her testimony,at least to learn that someone
with such an ugly past could turn out to be a pastor with this
motherly love & gesture is so amazing. Her words made me
to develop a kind of courage & inner confidence coupled
with faith that God who made a way for her,is still there to
make a way for me too.
Again,i remembered my dad!.
I sighed. Next weekend,he would be marking his 60th
birthday, & expected me to be there. How would i do it Lord?.
Later in the evening,Mrs Williams came to me & said "I'm
sorry,i had to discuss your case with my husband,its not my
usual way of handling matters,but in a situation like this, he
just has to be involved. Like i told you earlier, i can't handle
it alone."
"No problem ma".I said.
"Now,we have decided to go with you to Lagos to attend your
dad's birthday, & thereby,use the opportunity to break the news
to him & other members of the family."
I could hear my heart beating very fast,in fact,i almost
fainted.
"When exactly is the birthday?" she asked.
"It's friday ma".I answered.
"Oh!.I thought its saturday".
"The birthday falls on friday, & he doesnt want to shift it to
saturday, since there's a public holiday that friday". I said.
"That's beautiful then,we'll leave on friday morning,grace d
occasion with him & break the news later in the evening when
all the guests have left."
And, that was what we did.
.
.
.
My dad & everybody was shocked!.
"Adesewa temi?..No it's a lie!. How can i believe this?.How
come?.How did it happen?. Where would i hide my face in the
church? Among my christian friends?.What will i tell my
pastor?.Ahhhh Yetunde!.I never expected this from u. Oh my
God!!."
My mum was just weeping.
My sisters & i were weeping too.
Later,my dad said "Go with ur pastor o,i dont want to see
u. You've put me to shame.I don't want to set my eyes on you".
We all knelt down & started begging him with tears flowing
in our eyes,but he declined.
He was too hurt.I knew why it was so painful for him.He was
so proud of me,always treating me as his only daughter.
At a time, Pastor Williams excused him to his room,where
they spoke for about an hour.
Pastor Mrs also took my mum to the corridor for a private
talk.
By the time they came back, my dad was a bit calm, but i
could see he was still boiling.
The next day,i left with the Williams to Oyan.
My dad never called since then,it was only mummy that was
calling me from time to time to ask about my welfare & to
encourage me.I never knew she was that loving.
I was staying with my pastor & his family as Mrs Williams
didnt allow me to go back to my house.
When we came back from Lagos, Mrs Williams said "Now call
Bode, tell him to come home & see you, & that you are not going to
terminate the pregnancy,let's hear what he will have to say."
.
.
.
What was Bode's response?

>>

I gave up on life when I picked up my
girlfriend's phone and saw my contact
name saved as, "FREE FOOD"!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-30 12:06:02

1066 Views




A guy who is a virgin gets married.


On the honeymoon the guy walks into his hotel room and his wife is naked on the bed. She asks the man, “Do you know what I want?”


The man says, “I don’t know.”


The woman spreads her legs and then asks the same question again.


The guy says, “You want the whole fucking bed to yourself. Don’t you?”Related

Today is the oldest you have ever been;

And the youngest you will ever be.

Make the best use of your youth and experience to carve out a beautiful day!Related

Happiness is like a dick. It always looks small if u hold it in ur own hand. But when u learn to share it, u realize how big it

grows…Related

hey guyz em nt a writer neither am i an art student....buh any how make una collect am insult and outsult is allowed Lol...this article is consist of fiction and non nonfiction activities...


it was on a tuesday morning around 6 am when i just woke up and i started hearin my name{school has just close for d term}.... and i was like cha! dis woman no go let me rest just yesterday night i slept around 2 am while attending to her sick 2 years old son who happens to be my cousin...i have 2 answer her right away bkus she has been the one training me from my jss 1...any way into details i just finished my primary education in d village when aunty Juliet called my mum on phone tellin her dat her husband she just married has traveled out of the country to continue his business. she wnt further sayin da d house will be so empty for her with her condition bkux she was pregnant dat i have to start coming to Lagos immediately, i was very hapi when i heard dat though i have been 2 lagos once when i was still in prymary 3 for a holiday in one of my aunt house, i could remember d day i was leavin dat my mum told me 2 b obedient 2 her knowin hw hot tempered she can b sometimes.. na so i c my self 4 her house ooooo.... Ma!!!

aunty juliet:are u are deaf wat were u doing since i was callin u
me:sorry ma am jst wakin up
aunty julietk i jst want to tell you that i will b travellin 2 enugu to collect my result d news jst came to me dis morning 2 com as fast as possible
{enugu was d place she schooled and since then nobody know when she graduated smtyms my mum use to wonder weather she went to school atall lol}
mek ma
aunty juliet:so u are goin 2 stay wit aunty amaka 4 d mean tym bkus i dont knw wen i will b back
mek ma.
dat morning i helped her to carry her bag to d bus pack wher she can board a bus goin 2 enugu....body jst dey sweet me dat means more freedom e don set.wen i came back, i entered inside kitchen and i was disappointed bkus i cant find any Noodles in their anyway sha is notin bkux aunty juliet gave me d sum of 2000# 2 take hold body nd spirirt plus my smal smal savings, i dashed out to d nearest Shop in my street.
joke:chide aw far
me:i dey
joke:hw ur result na
me:i pass na u tink say i b lyk u
joke:abegi comot dere me nd u wu knw book pass
me:e don do abeg gimme 3 small packs of indomie
she wrapped it in a nylon and gave me wen i gave her money she refused sayin she jst gav it 2 me from her heart i insisted as a big boy but she said no i was even surprise at her behaviour dat morning..well my belle sweet me sha i left her shop{joke is one of dose gals 4 my street das always looking at me buh wen i try 2 approach she will start formin d babe fine sha her portable *ss n Br***st say it all,fair in compexion wit portable lips unlike me wey my lips big buh E no 2 BIG oo lol}i hav jst finish cookin my noodles wen i heard a knock on d gate...wen i got ther do u knw who i saw standin in front of me grinnin frm ear to ear?

Episode 2 loadin



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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blood test [Read it]


Akpos walks into a clinic to have his blood type taken. The nurse goes about taking the blood sample from his finger. 


After finishing, she looks around for a piece of cotton to wipe away the excess blood. She couldn't find the cotton wool, so she looks innocently at Akpos and takes his finger and sucks it.


Akpos is so pleased, then he asks with a wide smile on his face, "Please I desire to have a urine test done too."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-19 19:46:02

459 Views



I am seek [Read it]


Akpos: Let us go and watch a movie at the cinema.

Wife: I have an appointment with the doctor today.

Akpos: Just cancel it, tell him that you are sick.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-12 15:49:57

268 Views




JOKE PART 64 BY DINDY

Girl: Dindy guess what?.

Dindy: What.

Girl: Guess na.

Dindy: I just did.

Girl: How?.

Dindy: You told me to guess what and i said "what".

Girl: You are such a fool...

Like seriously what did I say wrong? o_o

DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 65.









NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-12-10 17:48:52

126 Views




Akpos stopped at a bar after
work to have a drink. He
started talking to a girl even
though he is married, he
thought she is so fine that he
agreed to go to her place. When he got to her place, he
found out that she is a
prostitute and that she wanted
5,000 Naira. "Forget it," Akpos said, "You
never told me you were a
prostitute. But I do have 500
Naira with me, will you take
that?" "You won't get any decent
prostitute for that amount,"
she replied. She threw him out. Later that night, Akpos and his
wife went out for dinner. While
they were eating, the same
prostitute who happened to be
eating there too recognised
Akpos. She came up to him and said,
"See, I told you. Look at the
kind of trash you picked up for
500 Naira."
#BOLLY_SHOW ?? ? ? ?™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-24 00:04:50

317 Views




An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.

~ Irv KupcinetRelated

Minister- Accident Me marne Walo ko 5

0r

Zakmi ko 3Lakh Denge



Santa- Mera Baap Pehle Zakhmi Hua,Phir Mar Gaya,

Mere ko 8 Lakh doRelated

akpos was working as a house boy. one day his boss was suprized to receive the high bill of house phone. Boss; who is using this phone so regulary? His wife;i dnt knw coz i always use my office's phone not this one. His son; so am i dad i use the phone that is in my office at work and my handset. Bos: am comfused bcoz i also use my office phone i hadly touches this phone. Akpos;wel wch minz anyone uses the phone that is in their work places so why not me not using the phone at my work to call my girlfriends?? the boss collapsed


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-26 11:32:36

753 Views




Avoid had i know

1. My brother' u know those ladies
that apply too much make up to
their face &
use
abt 2 bucket of paint to paint their
nails?.
They are
dsame type of girls that always
puts too
much salt
in their cooking.
2. Brother mi' if she cooks ogbono
soup with tomato inside. Run for ur
life' she
fit poison
u!
3. Bros' u know those type of girls
that anytime they come visiting'
they ask for
coca-
cola?. They are d ones that hav
committed
abortions d
more.
4. If she adds water while frying
egg
or cooking salad. She is capable of
murder'
trust
me.
5. If she reads instructions before
cooking indomie' or washes d
indomie
noodle before
cooking it. For d sake of ur stomach
&
unborn
children' runaway!
6. If she uses her teeth to open a
bottle drink. Hmmmmm! Do I still
need to tell
u
to run?
7. If she can use her bare hands to
kill a cockroach. I swear ur life is in
danger.
8. If she can finish 2 packet of
chivita or 5-
alive on her first
visit. Bro' she's from d underworld'
she's not
of this world.
9. If she can finish 5 loaves of bread
& 2
fishes. My brother' he that is in her
is
mightier
than 5,000 people!
10. If she can cut more than 5
onions without her shedding tears
or her
eyes turning
red & watery.
Brotherly' stay away' her tears has finished, she won't
even
cry at ur burial service.
A word is enough for d wise.
Pascal don talk ohhh
avoid had i know


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-01 09:58:51

447 Views



April-fool [Read it]


On 2nd April As Akpan Was Coming Back From School,he Was Jubilating,singing Praises,"as He Went Home His Father Called And Said"this One U Are So Happy Like This"what Is It?Hmm! Papa U Will Not Undersd"said Akpan"infact Papa I Have Made It.And His Father Said Ok Now Can U Tell Me What It Is,,.Akpan Said 'papa, I Have Win Free Education And I Will Be Send To U.S.A To Go And School There For Free.His Father Said No Problem But When Are U People Traveling? Akpan Said On 20th Of Dis Month Papa.Ok B/4 That Time I Will Know What 2 Do,'said His Father.He Started Preparing For Him, He Sold His Only Car And Even One Piece Of Land That Belong 2 Him,he Also Went 2 The Bank And Boro #500.000.As He Was Doing All This Things He Never Discursed Any Thing To Akpan Until 19th Night As He Finished,he Called His Son"akpan"and He Answered''sir'and His Father Said 2 Him,u Know U Will Travel Tomorrow 2 U.S.A,so As U Will Go There Try And Read Hard,hiee! Akpan Shouted Nd Said'Dat Was April Fool Oo.Guess Wat Akpan Father Do 2 Akpan.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-17 17:57:05

495 Views



Dumb friends [Read it]


Conversation between two friends. John: my mum said i fell from a tall building when i was little. Fred my God, did you die? John:cant remember, i was very little then.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-03 14:50:27

378 Views




Post Body There was a cook named Chico. His master had visitors for dinner and Chico was told to fry a crane. Chico felt hungry and so he ate one leg of the crane.

At dinnertime, when the master saw a missing leg, he shouted, "Chico! Why does this crane have only one leg?" Chico replied, "Sir, haven't you seen cranes before? They only have one leg!" To teach Chico a lesson, next morning, his master took him to the pond nearby. Chico exclaimed, "Look, Master! Cranes have only one leg!" The master clapped his hands and all the cranes uncurled their other legs and flew away. "You fool! Did you see they have two legs!" cried the master. Clever Chico replied, "Sir, why didn't you clap your hands at the table? You would have got two legs!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-06-06 09:08:04

333 Views




While on a holiday, Jeeto realized that she had forgotten a present for Santa’s birthday.

“That’s okay,” he said, “The only thing I want is for you to love, honor and obedience”.

Jeeto pondered that idea and then replied, “I’d rather buy you a gift”.Related

They say that life is too short, I just wonder who took the measurements.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-21 09:37:56

290 Views




When the power of love overcomes the lover of power the world will know peace.

~ Jimi HendrixRelated

Next day morning, Ana woke up early and dressed up in formals for the office visit. As she came out, she was surprised to see Javier with Rahul's red Mercedes waiting for her. Her surprise list was growing. Rahul never allowed anyone else to use his car.

Javier drove her to the midtown corporate office. She made her way to the entrance, taking out her old ID badge, hoping it was still working. She swiped the card as the guard looked at her fidgeting hands, but luckily for her, the light turned green and the turnstile opened, allowing her to proceed towards the bank of elevators.

She let the crowd pass and waited for an empty elevator and got into it. She realized her mistake, as she hit the button for her old office floor, by habit. There was nothing she could do now, so  she also hit the button for Rahul's office.

As the elevator paused on her old office floor, she was hoping, no one she knew would get in, but she had to hold her breath, as Jason hopped in as soon as the elevator doors opened.

"Wow Ana! What a surprise? What are you doing here? Trying for job again .... who are you interviewing with?" Jason fired his questions randomly, his eyes scanning her dress and body.

Ana knew what was going through his mind, from his dirty looks, but kept it diplomatic, replying, "How are you doing Jason? Just here for a quick meeting."

She didn't wait for his answer and got off the elevator as soon as the doors opened. Luckily for her, he turned the other way and she went directly towards Rahul's office.

"Is he in?" She asked his secretary.

"Yep, waiting for you." She answered, motioning with her eyes to go in immediately.

Ana knocked on his door twice and then entered his room slowly. She remembered, the last time she was in the room, Rahul fired her from the project.

Rahul was busy browsing through files. He knew Ana was in the room. He continued his work, without looking at her.

"You are late." He asked without lifting his head.

"We were stuck in traffic! You can ask Javier, your driver." She couldn't believe, he was behaving like old Rahul again. He didn't give her any instructions regarding the time and now he is blaming her again.

"You could have started earlier. We are late for the meeting." He spoke coming towards her.

"Aaaahh!" She tried to control, but the sound escaped her lips, as he took her hand and pulled her towards the door. She felt her cheeks burn with embarrassment as he turned and looked at her face and dropped her hand, before exiting the room.

"I need to control my feelings. Can't be shouting ooh and Aah ,everytime he touches me." She chided herself, closely following him.

"I wanted to discuss a few things with you before the meeting, but as usual you turned up late. I owe Sam lunch, so book a table for us." He whispered to her as they entered the meeting room.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Akpors was over 21 and still living with his parents. His
parents were a little worried, Akpors had no career plans, so
they decided to do a small test.
They took a 1,000 Naira note, a bible and a bottle of
whiskey, and put them on the sitting room table. Then they
hid, pretending they were not at home. The test was this; If
Akpors took the money, he would become a businessman,
if he took the bible, he would become a pastor, but if he
took the bottle of whiskey, he would become a drunkard.
So his parents hid in the visitors toilet close to the sitting
room and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole,
they saw Akpors arrive and read the note they had left him.
Then, he took the 1,000 Naira note, looked at it, and put it in
his pocket. After that, he took the bible, flicked through it,
and took it. Finally he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took
an appreciative quantity to check the quality.
Then he left for his room, carrying all the three items.
His dad slapped his forehead and said, “Oh my God, it is
even worse than I could ever have imagined. Akpors is
going to become a politician!”.
WAS AKPORS SMART THIS TIME?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-13 08:56:07

423 Views




The next morning it was quiet when I came down for breakfast. I was still dressed in my pyjamas. The lack of noise told me I was the first one awake. My parents liked to sleep in on a Saturday morning. I should have been sleeping but after tossing and turning for most of the night I'd given up on the idea of getting sleep so I decided to get up.

I knew exactly what had made me too restless to sleep. The reason was sleeping on the sofa in the living room. My brother was curled up on the other sofa. Both were too tall to sleep comfortably so their legs hung over the side of the arm of the sofa. I stood for a few moments watching him.

Grey was sleeping with his arm flung across his face. Even in that quiet moment I couldn't help but think how many women had woken up to that view of him sleeping beside them. Jealousy burned in the pit of my stomach.

Most people didn't look decent until they at least got a brush through their hair but that wasn't the case with Grey he looked even better with bed hair. I would know, he'd been sleeping over regularly for most of my life.

Shaking my head to clear my thoughts of him I went back to the kitchen. I needed something to keep me busy so I would stop obsessing over him. It was going to be an impossible to task to get over him if I couldn't stop thinking of him.

I browsed through the cupboards trying to decide what I was going to make for breakfast. Then I had an idea.

Pancakes. I got all the ingredients and began to mix them.

"You need some help?"

The voice sent a thrill right through me and I put a hand to my chest to steady my racing heart. My eyes found Grey standing in the doorway leaning against the doorframe.

He was gorgeous. He yawned and ran a hand through his hair as he pushed off the frame and walked into the kitchen. I couldn't pull my eyes away from him.

"No...I've got it handled," I replied trying to sound normal even though my heart was still beating so fast it felt like it was going to break free from my chest.

I pulled my concentration back to the food cooking in the pan. I flipped it over and tried to keep my eyes focused on what I was doing and not who was leaning against the kitchen counter watching me.

"I thought your mom banned you from trying to cook," he teased and I pinned him with a playful glare.

He was right. I'd set the kitchen alight twice but luckily the fire had been put out quickly before it had done extensive damage. My father got nervous when I tried to make a sandwich for myself. I didn't think it was possible to screw up something that didn't need heat to make.

I'd graduated high school and had been contemplating what to do next so I'd taken some cooking classes. Initially my mother had lifted the ban only when there was someone else to supervise me but I'd gained her confidence. Now I was allowed free reign in the kitchen.

"I took some cooking classes," I informed him as I took the frying pan off the stove and slid the pancake onto a plate beside the stove.

"Really?" he sounded a little shocked.

"Yeah," I replied while I poured some pancake mixture into the frying pan. "For the continued safety of my family and my future kids I had to."

He laughed and I flashed him a smile. The sound of his laugh warmed my heart.

"You still want to help?" I asked still smiling. Being around him lifted my heart.

"Sure, what to do you need me to do?" he asked as he came to stand beside me. My stomach flipped at the feel of his body so near to mine. I could feel a tingle across my skin at the slight brush of his arm against mine.

"Can you sprinkle them with some sugar and then roll them up?" I instructed trying to keep my nervousness out of my voice. I ran my tongue across my bottom lip nervously as I waited for him to respond.

"Sure," he assured me as he reached for the sugar bowl and spoon.

It was hard to keep my concentration on cooking when all I watched to do was watch him as he carried out my instructions. There were millions of girls who would have killed to watch him perform the mundane task of sprinkling sugar over pancakes and I was the lucky one who could.

I was busy flipping the fifth pancake when I watched Grey shove a pancake into his mouth.

"Hey," I exclaimed as I poked him in the side with my elbow. "You're not supposed to be eating them."

"Mmm," he mumbled as he shot me a smile with his mouth still full of pancake. I shook my head at him.

For the next thirty minutes the two of us worked silently beside each other but it was becoming harder to ignore the feeling tugging at my heart. It was easy to be around him, too easy.

When I'd first seen the picture of him kissing some girl it had broken my heart. I hadn't wanted to know the identity of the girl because I knew myself well enough to know that I would have obsessed over her. What did she possess that I didn't?

I couldn't help the feeling of inadequacy I felt. I gave Grey a quick side glance. It wasn't his fault that I'd fallen in love with him so there was no way I could blame him.

Seeing that picture had pushed me to accept that he was never going to love me and I couldn't waste anymore of my life loving someone who didn't love me back. The decision had been easy to make when he hadn't been around. With him around it was going to be much harder.

I slipped the last pancake onto the plate and I switched off the stove. Perspiration from the head had accumulated on my forehead that I brushed away with the back of my hand.

"I'm amazed," he said to me as he rolled up the last pancake and set it amongst the other pancakes.

"Really?" I said as my stomach did a somersault.

"Yeah, your pancakes are great," he said proudly with a big grin on his face. I felt myself blush under his gaze.

"Thanks," I replied trying to hide the effect he had on me.

"I'm surprised there are still pancakes left," I mumbled as I set the plate down on the small kitchen table and pulled up a chair. I'd caught him shoving a couple of them into his mouth when I hadn't been watching.

I looked up to see him still smiling at me. His smile wasn't as wide as it had been and he had a more serious look in his eyes.

He stepped forward and reached for something in his pocket.

"I got you something for your birthday," he said as he handed me a small box. I felt like someone had pulled the carpet from under me.

He'd bought me a birthday present. My heart swelled with emotion as I looked at the small wrapped box in my hands. It was wrapped in white paper and it had a small red bow on the top.

"You didn't have to," I murmured. I lifted my eyes back to his.

"I know. I wanted to. Unwrap it," he suggested as he shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans while he watched me.

I swallowed nervously as I began to unwrap it. My heart was beating so loud I could hear it echo in my ears. Grey watched me quietly with anticipation when I discarded the wrapping paper on the table.

It was a jewelry box. I opened the box and gasped. It was beautiful.

A thin gold chain held a small harp decorated in various sparkling stones.

"o you like it Harp?" he asked and I nodded my head my eyes still transfixed on the delicate necklace. It was one of the sweetest and most thoughtful gifts anyone had ever bought for me.

"It's beautiful," I said as I stood up still stunned by the touching present. He smiled at me and I felt my stomach flip.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

How was I supposed to look at the sweet birthday present he'd bought me and talk myself out of my feelings for him? This was going to be impossible.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Chintu chup ke cigarette pee raha tha, tabhi us ke papa aa gaye. Chintu ne ghabrahat mein, jaldi se cigarette shirt ki jeb mein chupa li.


Papa, gusse se: Kya tum cigarette pee rahe the?


Chintu: Nahin toh…


Papa: Toh phir tumhari shirt se yeh dhuwan kyun nikal raha hai?


Chintu: Papa aap ne baat hi dil jalane wali ki hai toh dhuan toh niklega hi.Related

You will Laugh - enjoy reading... Five facts about You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You
1. You`re so lazy You didn`t read all the You`s.
2. You didn`t notice I put a Yoo.
3. You are now looking to find out.
4. You are laughing because you realise there is no `Yoo` and you`ve been tricked.
5. You are going to forward this to others who are like `YOU`!????????

I know at least 13 things about you now:
1. You are holding your phone
2. You are on Whatsapp
3. You just opened my msg.
4. You are now reading it
5. You are human
7. You can`t say the letter "P" without separating your lips
8. You just attempted to do it
9. You are laughing at yourself
10. You have smiles on your face
11. You skipped No.6
12. You just checked to see if there is a No.6
13. You are laughing at this because I caught you..


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-18 22:12:00

662 Views



Chinese Fly [Read it]



Three business associates, an Igbo
man, a Yoruba man and a Chinese
man, went to eat lunch together at
a restaurant in Surulere.
While in the middle of their food, a
fly came in through the window. It
flew across the table to where the
Igbo man was but he just waved his
hands to chase it away.
The fly then went to where the
Yoruba man was, he also chased it
away.
Finally, the fly then went to where
the Chinese man was and was flying
close to his ears. The Chinese man
looked at the fly for sometimes and
then grabbed it, put it in his mouth
and swallowed it.
The other men saw this but just
kept on eating.
Five minutes later, another fly came
in and flew to the Yoruba man who
just chased it away again.
It then flew on to the Igbo man but
this time he did not chase the fly,
he looked at it for sometime and
then grabbed it. He then turned to
the Chinese man and asked, "How
much you go buy am?"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-24 20:28:39

409 Views



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