Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:

Akpos nd Police [Read it]


AKPOS: My new bicycle has been
stolen.
POLICE: When did u notice?
AKPOS: This morning
POLICE: Do you have a suspect?
AKPOS: Yes,my mum and dad.
POLICE: why do u suspect them?
AKPOS: yesterday at midnight i heard
mum say make it stand well so I can
seat on it very well ”and dad said
”climb up fast before it falls .and mum
said ”push slowly slowly dont hurt
me……
.police hahaha o boy na senior
bicycle be that 


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-27 19:15:48

420 Views




Three friends went to China for a
vacation. They lodged in a five star
hotel. They end up being on the
sixtieth floor. The policy of the hotel
was that at midnight, the elevator is
always is shut down. The next day, they rented a car and explored the
city. After having nice time, they
returned to the hotel fifteen minutes
after midnight. The elevator has been
shut down. Their was no other way to
get their room except to take the stair all the way to the sixtieth floor.
The first friend said, "For the ist
20Floors, i will tell jokes to keep us
going".
Pointing to the second friend, "You'll
tell jokes for the next twenty floors, Pointing to the third friend, he
said"And you'll end it with a sad story
for the last mile of the climb".
They started the climb, after laughing
hysterically, they finally got to the last
floor. When they reached the front of their room, the third friend said, "I
have one final sad story to tell, i forgot
the key of the room in the car".
The 2nd guy fainted.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-12 07:35:04

494 Views




Biola’s Dad: I know you will be surprised
I called you abi? Me: Yes sir Biola’s Dad: Don’t be surprise, I don’t
want you to see it as if I hate you or
something, am only working on my
instinct that tells me things will not
work out between you and my daughter Biola: rara Sir, everything will be fine sir Biola’s Dad: Shut up your mouth there?
What do you know? Biola: Am sorry sir Biola’s Dad: There is this Yoruba adage
that says that “what the elders see while
sitting down, the young ones cannot see
it even when they are standing”….Since
every other person has given their
consent and you guys are making me look like the devil, I have to soft pedal. Me: Thank You sir Biola’s Dad: What are you thanking me
for? Hold your thank you………..Am only
doing this just because you guys have
been reporting me to everybody and I
don’t know who else you are going to
report me to. I will let you guys have your way but am telling you that this is
not coming from my mind. Grandma
has spoken and I don’t think I have the
right not to listen to her if I want my
children to listen to me.
They have picked the date, you can relate same to your people, the
introduction and everything will be in
this place and nothing elaborates. You
can start preparing for the wedding in
5weeks time. Let me warn you Mr Man,
if anything should happen to my daughter, you will see the kind of
person am made of and you madam,
anything you see where you are going,
you will bear with it Biola: Thank you very much sir, nothing
will happen to us by God’s Biola’s Dad: You have nothing to thank
me on, just be rest assured to accept
whatever your eyes sees where you are
going? Just inform your parent to come
and do the necessary things in five
weeks time Me: Thank You Sir. I left Biola’s house with fulfillment as I
couldn’t wait to break the news to my
parent. I tried calling both of them but
none picked up. I was so glad when my
mum called me back later in the
evening My Mum: Hello Oko mi, we saw your
missed calls Me: Yes Ma, I was calling to check on you My Mum: hey yah..we are fine, we were
at fellowship around when you called Me: I guess as much..what of dad? My Mum: he is here..you want to speak
with him Me: Not until after I finish talking with
you ma My Mum: okay..hope no problem Me: No problem Ma.. My Mum: What of Biola, where is she?
Hope all is well? Me: Biola Is fine Ma…everything is
fine..its all good news mummy My Mum: Thank God..so, what is it all
about? Me: Nothing really much, I went to
Biola’s house today to meet with her
parent My Mum: okay….with her father
inclusive? Me: Yes..he was the one that called for
the meeting My Mum: So, how was it? Me: He said we should come and do the
necessary things for my wife on the
date picked by grandma My Mum: so, he has finally agreed? Me: Yes mummy……….. My Mum:Halleluyah….Thank God, do you
know I actually put it in prayer this
afternoon..how did it happened? Who
talk to him Me: We don’t know oooo….All he told us
was that we have turn our issue to
embarrassment to him and he will let us
have our ways if that will make us
happy My Mum: Thank God..Talk to your Dad
too Me: I hope his mind has also come down
too My Mum: Does he have any other option
now Me: Good Evening Sir My Dad: Good Evening….. Me: Emmmm…..emmmm My Dad: What is emm..emmm again?
Have heard your discussion with your
mum, your inlaws has accepted the date
of 5 weeks time abi Me: Yes Sir, Biola’s Dad has given his
consent for the marriage My Dad: Okay…God will make it possible
oko iyawo Me: Thank You Sir My Dad: Why thanking me? Which one is
my own? You are the one getting
married and all am to do that day was
just to sit down and eat abi what else Me: ehnn…daddy, you know I cant do it
without your fatherly support sir My dad: Which other fatherly support is
more than that? You and your mum
have gone ahead to plan everything but
am sure you should be able to face
whatever outcome of your action breed Me: It will definitely breed good things
sir My Dad: I hope so..Bye Bye….. My Mum: Is Biola there? Lemme speak
to her abeg Me: Okay Ma… I gave the phone to Biola and I could
hear them talk for a very long time,
there were time Biola will be serious on
phone while sometimes she will burst
into laughter. Throughout their
discussion, I was just thinking of what my Dad said trying to relate it with what
happened at Biola’s house earlier. The
question was, why was it that both
father are hell bent on the marriage not
happening?


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Men Will Be Men [Read it]


Men Will Be Men
One day a woman wanted to know how
the husband would react if she left
without telling him where she had
gone. So she decided to write him a
letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore
and after writing she put the letter on
the table in the bedroom and then hid
under the bed...When the husband
came back home, saw the letter and
read it, he replied on the same paper and then began to sing and dance
changing his clothes. He got his phone,
dialled someone then said: "Hey babe,
am just changing clothes then will join
you, as for the other fool it has finally
dawned on her that I was fooling around with her and has left. I was
wrong..really wrong to have married
her, I wish I had known you earlier. See
you soon honey!" The husband walked
out of the room and left. In tears and
very upset, the woman got up from under the bed and decided to go and
read what the husband wrote on the
letter. When she got the letter, it said: "I
COULD see your feet under the bed, I
didn't make any phone call.. I am going
to buy bread. Stand up, stop your silly games and prepare me a meal....
I LOVE YOU!
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-09-04 18:56:42

303 Views




Ek Anpadh Sardarni New York Ke Ek Message Centre Mein Apni Maa Ko Punjab Message Karne Ke Liye Gayi



Angrej Operator Bola Ki $50 Lagenge



Wo Udas Hote Hue Boli: “Mere Pas Itne Paise To Nahi Hai, Par Agar Aap Meri Maa Ko Ek Message Kar Do To Aap Jo Bologe Main Karungi”



Angrej Ne Kuch Sochte Hue Puchha: “Kuch Bhi Karogi?”



Vo Boli: “Haan, Kuch Bhi”



Angrej Ne Use Kaha Ki Mere Piche Aao Aur Usko Agle Ek Room Mein Le Gaya Aur Bola: “Darwaja Band Karke Mere Pass Aao”



Usne Aisa Hi Kiya Aur Uske Pass Aake Khadi Ho Gayi



Angrej: “Ab Jhuko Aur Apne Ghutno Pe Khadi Ho Jao”



Usne Hichkichate Hue Aisa Hi Kiya



Angrej Bola: “Meri Pant Ki Zip Kholo”



Usne Zip Khol Di



Angrej: “Ab Isko Bahar Nikalo Aur Shuru Ho Jao”



Usne Dono Haatho Se Uska Samaan Bahar Nikala, Angrej Ne Maje Se Apni Aankhein Band Kar Li



Aurat Apne Hont Uske Paas Layi Aur Chilla Ke Boli: “Bebe Mein Simran, Tenu Meri Awaj Aa Rahi Hai Na?“Related

Economics is the science of greed.

-F. V. MeyerRelated

A Secret [Read it]


BOYFRIEND: I need to tell you a secret
sweety. GIRLFRIEND: What's the secret honey? BOYFRIEND: I'm seeing a Psychiatrist GIRLFRIEND: Oh! I need to tell you a
secret too. BOYFRIEND: What's the secret? GIRLFRIEND: I'm seeing a psychiatrist, a
plumber and a mechanic too
#BOLLY_SMART ?? ? ? ? ? ??™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-20 02:50:55

661 Views




She: I love kids.
He: I love the process
????????????????
**Blocked**????Related

A serious advice for Rahul Gandhi after debacle in the UP Elections:

“To Understand the misery and problems of the common man,
you need to get married first.”Related

The mischievious genious part 2 is coming out diz nite#sorry for d delay


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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On a crowded bus, Banta noticed that Santa had his eyes closed. “What’s the matter? Are you sick?” he asked.
“No, I’m okay. It’s just that I hate to see old ladies standing”, replied Santa.Related

In a divorce court Jeeto requested the judge: “Your honor, I want to divorce my husband, Santa.”

“But why?” asked the judge.

Jeeto: Because he is not faithful to me.

Judge: How do you know?

Jeeto: My lord, not a single child resembles him!Related

One morning a teacher was in akpos class taking d students civic education bills d teacher wrote d types of bills on d board money bill,public bill,private bill then a student (Akpos) raised his hand to ask a question d teacher premited him then he said: aunty u wrote that types of bills r moneybills,publicbills,andprivatebills.
Teacher:yes
Akpos:what about NEPAbill and waterrate


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-23 04:10:13

476 Views




One Sunday Morning In The Children Class.A Pastor Ask The Children That "when People Die.How Will God Take Them To Heaven".Little Akpos Replied That "i Tink Its By The Feet because I Went To My Parent Room Yesterday And I Saw Mum Legs Up.She Was Screaming And Saying "ohh My God,Am Coming"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-28 10:19:29

298 Views




Who among the following Nairajokers does it better when it comes to stories.

1. Alore
2. Amanda
3. Blue$ky
4. Innocent
5. Lady-F
6. Nelson_Z
7. Pascal
8. Unlimited
9. Victor U. James

Make sure you say something



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-28 21:02:02

400 Views




VERY FUNNY!! 13 Extremely Funny Quotes By
“President Robert Mugabe” On Relationships
Here are some funny quotes you all need to
see..
Read below:-
1. “Some women’s legs are like rumors, they
just keep on spreading”
2. “It’s hard to bewitch African girls these
days because each time you take a piece
from her hair to the witch doctor, either a
Brazilian innocent woman gets mad or a
factory in China catches fire”.
3. “If you are ugly; you are ugly – stop
talking about inner beauty because we don’t
walk around with X-rays”
4. “Dear sister, don’t be deceived by a man
who text you “I miss you” only when it’s
raining. You are not an umbrella”.
5. “Check your girlfriend’s body, if she has
more tattoos or piercings, you can cheat on
her. She is already used to pain.”
6. “Dating a slim or slender guy is cool. The
problem is when you are lying on his chest
then his ribs draw adidas lines on your
face”.
7. “It’s better for a man to be stingy with the
money he has hustled for, than for a woman
to deny you a hole that she didn’t even drill
it herself.”
8. “Some of you girls can’t even jog for 5
minutes but expect a guy to last in bed with
you for 2hours Your level of selfishness
demands a one week crusade”.
9. “If your girlfriend/boyfriend has not taken
a picture with you before just make that
request and stop forcing Photo Grid to bring
you together.”
10. ”God is the best inventor ever. He took a
rib from a man and created a loudspeaker”.
11. ”If women think having their period
(menstruation) in a whole month is a
difficult task, they should ask the men how
difficult is it to control an erected pen*s in
public.”
12. “Some girls don’t attend the gym but
look physically fit because of running from
one man to another”
13. “When you kiss a girl from another
nationality, do it well because you represent
the whole country”
Which of the Quote do you like most?

#BOLLY_SMART™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-07-15 00:41:53

505 Views




“Purity, how was your date?” Prudence asked, flashing a smile.

Purity forced a smile. “It was great mama.”

“Can we talk about it?” Prudence pleaded.

“I really can’t, mama.” Purity gave an apologetic smile. “I wanna have my bath and rest. I promise to tell you about it tomorrow.”

“Promise?” Prudence repeated.

“Promise.”

Prudence opened her arms and Purity entered them. She clasped her hands round her daughter tightly. “Good night.”
*
*
*
Outside the premises of the Theodore’s the man that had introduced himself as Ernest sat on the bonnet of his car. He didn’t want to leave just yet. That woman, the woman he followed was very familiar. He had perceived her scent in the crowd at the restaurant. A man held her hand, making it easier for them to pass through. He followed them quietly. When he had passed through the crowd, he got a clearer view of her. She was definitely the woman he had been searching for, for nine years. He felt jealous seeing her with a man. Who was that man? It didn’t look like they were on a business date, they dressed casually. She was never to be with a man. He was the only man than deserved her. He’d make himself known to her. Soon. Very soon.

He heard the flowers rustling. It was a cool night, but the wind wasn’t blowing. The rustling continued. Could that be a wild animal or a thief? His eyes focused on the flowers, where the rustling sound came from. He caught a glimpse of a cloth. A man was there. He jumped down from the car and quietly opened the door of his car. He brought out a shotgun. He closed the door and tiptoed to the flowers. He stood erect and stretched out his hands with the gun in them. He placed a finger on the trigger.
“Come out now!” he command.

For some seconds, there was not a single sound. The man he thought was there remained silent. He remained still.

“I’m going to pull the trigger,” Ernest warned.
*
*
*
Purity moved quickly towards her room. She got to the door, opening it with her keys. Her hands were trembling. She struggled to unlock the door after about thirty seconds. She pushed it open, got in and bolted the door. She flung her purse on her bed and faced her pink drawers. Quietly, she got on her knew and drew the last drawer open.

There were lots of notepad in it. She dug her hands into it and began scattering them. It had to be in here. She wanted to confirm it. She prayed silently to be wrong, very wrong. It shouldn’t be happening.

The man outside, Ernest. That name rang a bell, no wonder he looked to familiar. She had seen him somewhere, but where? He said he was searching for a girl named Melisa. Melisa? How did he get to know of that name? Was there another Melisa? No one in her neighbourhood was known by that name. He must have followed her home. Yes, he must have. Damn! Damn! Damn!

As she thought more, her hands raked through the notepad fiercely. Determination led her into this. She had to be sure. Please, let it be a coincidence, she prayed fervently. It should be. Melisa? Ernest? She had been the only one who….

This was it. She finally found it. The notepad. It looked so old and worn out. Ever since that day, she’d never opened it nor brought it out. She’d hidden it deep down, hoping to shut it out of her life forever. Never to be called to mind. And right now, it had to be opened. Memories of her past, that day, flooded into her head.
16th July, 2005.
*
*
*
Ernest wasn’t sure if he was doing the right thing. It had to be. The gun was still pointed at the person he assumed to be a man. What if he wasn’t alone? His gang had to hiding somewhere. Were they for a robbery or kidnapping? Was it Melisa they wanted or her parents? Did she even have parents? He had to stop thinking and focus on what he’s about to do. They might outnumber him, but he wasn’t bothered. He’s a good fighter and an expert in handling guns. He was gonna have some advantages over them. He was surely going to protect his Melisa. He can’t lose her, a second time.
“I’m pulling the trigger,” he announced.

Terrified, the person got off the flowers and stood to face him. OMG! ‘Twas a woman!

>>

They all left the room with my leg still tied to the bed..i
untied the rope on my leg, the tip of my deek is already
paining me, i don’t even know what to do again. I was
still thinking when i heard the door opened. It was SK
that walked in, i didn’t know why she was not with
them earlier and i thought she was here to take her own pound of flesh……….. Before she could do anything, i quickly came down
from the bed, knelt down in front of her, held her leg,
started crying and pleading to her “please SK, please
help me, am feeling pain, please don’t let me die, am
sorry for everything, please help me, I know all you are
doing is not from your heart, i know you are not okay with it but you just don’t have choice, I know you are
the best among them, Please help me, am dying
already” I was surprised when SK lifted me up with my hand, i
sat on the bed still crying until she looked at me and
said “stop crying jhoor, behave like a man for once
abeg”..she held my dick and started assessing it, i
screamed a bit when she touched the tip, she looked at
me and said am coming. She stepped out of the room and came back like two
minutes later, she gave me a drug to use, i was sceptical
initially but she encouraged me to use and started
talking to me silently
Sk: use it now..it won’t hurt you jhoor Me: what is this for again? Sk: Just use it, you better use it now before my babes
walk in because they must not know am giving you this,
its what will relief you Me: are you sure? Sk: Lemme have it if you don’t want to use it then…Am
only trying to help and i don’t even know why am doing
this for you because i can be killed trying to help you
out “i quickly used the drug” Sk: Don’t worry, everything will be okay i the next 30 to
45minutes or so Me: 30 minutes? Sk: If you can’t wait for 30minutes then you can have
sex, maybe i should call one of the girls for you because
am not even in the mood for that right now Me: girls ke? You want to kill me again? Please don’t call
them please…. Sk: i will check on you in the next 30minutes… SK stepped out of the room, i started counting down,
the 30minutes was like the longest minutes have ever
waited for in my life, at a stage i try to picture myself
having sex but my thought were not even coming
together, at a stage i even contemplated if any of the
girls should walk in, i wouldn’t mind them raping me at that instance so far i was looking forward to
discharging SK walked in again just like 15minutes after, i was still
in serious pain Sk: How far? Me: Still the same thing….Nothing yet Sk: Don’t worry, you will be fine in no time, i just said i
should check back on you As SK was walking to the door, i summoned up courage
and grabbed her from behind with the little strength i
had on me, pushed her to the bed and straight my hand
went inside her top as i started fondling her breast, the
most surprising thing was that she was not even
putting on bra neither does she push me away, i was happy she responded and started kissing me.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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ONE WRONG TURN
Episode 32

I tucked my phone under the
pillow, as i would have done in
my own room. Ehis joined me on
the bed, putting on a pair of
shorts.
He laid beside me, and i rested
my head on his bare chest, as we
both slept off.
I had no idea how long i had
slept, but tiny kisses on my face
and a hand moving through my
body beneath my cloths woke me
up.
Ehis was up, and his actions
showed exactly what he wanted. I
willfully obliged.
I had no idea how long it lasted,
but few minutes after he was
through, a thought hit me. He was
not using a condom!
For the remaining part of the
night, while Ehis fell asleep, i
remained awake. My mind
hovered around a lot of things.
Did anyone miss me at home?
How ll i be received when i get
back? Were ll I tell them i passed
the night?
I knew for certain i couldn’t tell
anyone i had slept with Ehis, the
thought of me sleeping in a boy’s
house would make my parents
freak out.
Even Ehis will not be free from the
imbroglio that will surely
follow.Silently, i prayed that Ruth’s
plan works out.
My phone rang, interrupting my
thoughts. I picked it up, it was
Hannah. I looked at the wall clock
to ascertain the time before
answering.
“Better start coming now” she
said, in a hush tone.
“its still dark, its just 4 a.m” i
protested, stealing another glance
at the wall clock.
“better come now that everyone is
asleep” she replied and ended the
call.
I never fully understood what the
plan was, but from Hannah’s
voice, i knew i had to hurry.
I tapped Ehis, lightly to wake him
up.
“Hannah said we should start
coming” i whispered to him.
“This early?” He replied, trying to
reach for the light switch.
We got up slowly and prepared to
leave. I took off the cloths Ehis
had given, and wore the cloths i
left home with.
Ehis grabbed his keys and we
made our way outside towards the
car.
The compound was much quieter
now, everyone was asleep. Most of
the lights were switched off,
making the entire compound dark.
I sort of prefared it this way.
We entered the car and Ehis drove
of, towards Hannah’s house.
Much like the hostel, the city was
very quiet and devoid of human
activities too, but the street lights
kept the roads and surroundings
bright.
A few meters away, we could see
a group of people, clothed in
black carrying touchlights.
It was a police check point. As
soon as the officers caught sight
of the car, they planted
themselves in the middle of the
road and ordered Ehis to pull over.
He parked conviniently at the side
of the road, awaiting the
policemen. The sight of the
policemen brought some chills.
I became scared as i recognized
one of the men approaching. A
rather short, funny looking man,
He was a friend of my father.
I slumped on the seat instantly,
staring down with my chin almost
touching my chest.
“were are you coming from and
were are you going to at this time
of the night” one of the officers
barked.
I paid no attention to their
conversation, i was busy trying to
hide my face from one of the
officers.
As they ended their conversation,
one of the officers pointed his
touch at my face.
I faced the opposite direction, and
put my hands across my face to
protect my eyes from the blinding
rays of the light.
“hey let me see your face” the
officer ordered.
I turned around slowly, without
removing my hand from my face.
I put the other hand across my
chest, to protect my bosoms.
I was putting on a loose singlet,
and my Tips pointed outwards. I
was slightly embarrassed, and
feared being recognized at the
same time.
“so na ashawo u carry” the officer
commented, before ordering us to
proceed.
“why was that man looking at
you”? Ehis asked.
That very question sent cold
shivers down my spine. I could
only hope he did not recognise
me.
Few minutes later, we arrived at
Hannah’s house. The compound
was quite, and well lighted, and
surrounded by a low fence that
made it visible.
I called Hannah to let her know
that we were outside. Ehis and i
sat patiently inside the car, just in
front of the gate, anticipating her
arrival.


>>

An editor asked me what led me to write erotica. I replied, “A dirty mind, excess words, and an overactive sacral chakra”.

? Fierce DolanRelated

College Mein Pappu Aur Uski Ek Friend Canteen Ke Bahar Bethe Baatein Kar Rahe Thhe



Pappu Ki Friend Ne Ahista Se Pappu Ko Bola



Ladki: “Main Apni Zindagi Mein Koi Lamba Hath Maarna Chahti Hoon”



Pappu Kameene Pan Se Bola: “Tum Sirf Hath Maaro Lamba Khud Hi Ho Jayega“Related

SORROW=>WRITE UP BY DINDY
do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission,thank you for reading this write up...

My pain hurts but no one knows,my heart aches with pain but no one understand,my situation is far more beyond fixing but no one seems to care, my world has gone forsaken but all I hear is sorry,the only one I truly love has left me,my world is hopeless.
Sorrow a heartbreaking word when it happens to you,a mind breaking word when its in you,a soul destroying word when it goes deep,a broken promise,it like;death of someone with a beautiful future and life,a sudden and unbelievable tragedy.
There are two types of sorrow I know and those are sorrow within and sorrow surface,one can kill faster than the other,I am sure you already know the one I am talking about,well if you don't know it is sorrow within. If you can't express it,it keeps growing inside and finally you breakdown totally which can lead to anything and i mean anything.
Sorrow surface can never be hidden because they are mostly expressed by tears and facial expression,sometimes even anger. I Dindy aka Nnamdi has come to understand that sorrow is cold and hard in it's ways(does not pity).
Sorrow must always be expressed,never keep it locked in,never try to hide it,never push it away,always find a way to let it out,find a way to let it go,always try to accept the sorrow,always try to move on,always try to defeat your enemy 'sorrow',never let it win you or it will rule you like a king.
SORROW EXPRESSED IS A SORROW NEVER TO RETURN LEARN FROM THAT MY DEAR FANS.
MY NAME IS NNAMDI AKA DINDY AND I WROTE THIS WRITE UP.LEARN FROM WHAT YOU READ NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND.THANKS FOR READING......................WRITE UP BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI.........whatsapp number:07087750433.... [email protected]@gmail.com or [email protected] facebook name:Ossy Andy Nnamdi.......Skype: 07087750433 or [email protected].................Twitter:@nnamdiossy







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Free Entry [Read it]


Did you hear the story about Chike's
new venture? He's opened a zoo.
Yes, a zoo.
And made the entry fee N5,000. When nobody showed up, he reduced it
to N2,500. When no one still came, he further
reduced it to N2,000. And then N1,000. Until finally, he made it 'free' entry. And the place is now packed for the
holidays. Anyway, heard that, about 20 minutes
ago, he has released the lion and is now
charging a N10,000 'exit' fee.
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-09-14 18:24:43

156 Views




She sighed and said, "Since when I told
your younger sister Jessica to register
me on Facebook, it's money upon
money I'm spending." Johnny was confused and didn't
understand what his mum was talking
about. But after a while, he got a clue
and then asked, "Oh, okay, mummy...
it's Megabyte that is eating off your
money!" She raised eye brows and said, "Ah
Johnny, which one is Megabyte? I hope
I'm not going to go pay for that one too
because I've paid 10,000 Naira for
chatting permit, 12,000 Naira for friend
request fee, 4,000 Naira for posting fee, 8,000 Naira for profile picture permit
and this evening again, your sister told
me that facebook said I should bring
6,000 Naira for international facebook
passport, I'm tired Johnny! Is this how
you people spend money on that thing?" Random Family Jokes Add new comment Comments dollYpizzle's picture Add new comment NAVIGATION Joke Categories 18+ Jokes Family Jokes Funny Sayings General Jokes Kids Jokes Love Jokes Marriage Jokes Medical Jokes Relationship Jokes Religious Jokes School Jokes Yo' mama Series Broken Lady in Red My crazy boss Videos Basketmouth
walks in to find
his girlfriend of
4 years with
another man on
their bed... Basketmouth walks
in to find his
girlfriend of 4 years
with another man
on their bed... Top Jokes How Akpos was expelled from School Jealous husband Why I hate My Boyfriend Job Application It's Me! Men Are Colour Blind When Angel Gabriel Locks The
Heaven's Gate Before You Arrive... This is My 'Son' in Whom I am Well
Please When your inlaw says she is happy
her son is marrying a virgin You're just like Oliver!!! Copyright © Akpos Jokes 2015. All
rights reserved. Powered by StackArena
#?BOLLY_SMART? ?? ? ? ? ? ??™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-25 19:58:12

312 Views



Doctor Akpors [Read it]


Doctor Akpors’ had an elderly patient who suffered from high blood pressure and came for check up regularly at Akpors’ hospital.
One day the elderly lady won 50 Million Naira in a lottery but Doctor Akpors was afraid to break the news to her because he didn’t want it to be the cause of her death as he thought the news may throw her into a coma.
So he went to the lady and tried to give her the news in a different way:
Dr Akpors: Madam, if you find out that you’ve won yourself 50 Million Naira, what will you do?
Old Lady: Oh, well because you are my doctor and you have been nice to me, I’ll give you 25 Million
Naira.
Doctor Akpors immediately went into coma!!!
One word for Akpors this time?


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2015-07-03 10:56:06

413 Views




A girl went to a shop to buy a bra.

GIRL: Show me a pair of Bra.
SHOPKEEPER: Here is size 36.
GIRL: Smaller please
SHOPKEEPER : Size 34
GIRL: Smaller
SHOPKEEPER: Size 32
GIRL: Smaller
SHOPKEEPER: Size 30
GIRL: Smaller
SHOPKEEPER: 26
GIRL: Smaller
SHOPKEEPER: Ok...size 24
GIRL: Smaller
SHOPKEEPER: Size 20
GIRL: Smaller Again

[Shopkeeper now Annoyed]

SHOPKEEPER: Madam please just go buy some cream may be they were just Pimples!


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2015-11-07 08:14:15

604 Views



Money mata [Read it]


i was asked to slap either my papa or my mama nd collect #50milla, pls what should i do? i was asked to slap either my papa or my mama nd collect #50milla, pls what should i do?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-21 12:39:50

329 Views




A sick man invited a magician to his house to cure him. After examining the man, the magician told him that the sickness has no cure but the only way out is to transfer it to another person.
The man obliged and asked "how?"
The first person to enter your room, shout "kai" and the sicknes will be transfered to the person. The man thanked the magician. The magician left. The sick man left his door open waiting for the first victim to enter his room. when the magician was on his way home, he remember that he did not collect his money for the service he rendered. He decided to go back to collect it. When he got to the man's house and entered his room. The man shouted "kai". The magician shouted back "rekai". The man shouted again "rerekai". The magician shouted back "rererekai".
man: "rerererekai".
magician: "rererererekai"
man: "rerererererekai".
magician: "rererererererekai"
Till now they are still shouting


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-05-29 17:24:45

581 Views




1). Don't expose your wife's
weaknesses to your family and
friends. You are each other's keeper.

2). Never use attitudes and moods to
communicate to your wife, you never
know how she may interpret them.

3). Never compare your wife with
other women, you've no idea what
their life is all about.

4). Never forget you married her, She
is your wife not your maid. treat her like
a Queen and she will show the
world you are a king, and u will reign
in her life forever.

5). Never assign anyone to give
attention to your wife, people may do
everything else for her, but she is your personal responsibility.

6). Never blame your wife in public
even if she was wrong. Rather protect
her, encourage her and correct her in
private and she will never forget you.

7). Never pretend to be sick/ tired/
not in the mood for the purpose of
denying her sex, another man is
looking and wishing for such
opportunity with her, one man's meat....

. Never compare your wife with your one time sex mate or ex-girl friend in
bed, you are her only husband

9). Never shout or challenge your wife
in front of your children, it is not a
good up bringing, you are their
teacher, they are carefully watching you even though you think they are
just kids

10). Don't forget to check your wife's
dressing before she checks out of the
house. You are each other
representation

11). Never allow your friends to be too
close to your wife. You may never
know their intentions. Set boundaries.

12). Never be in a hurry in the
bathroom and on the dressing mirror.
Out there your wife is always surrounded by men who took their
time on their looks.

13). Your parents, friends & families
do not have the final say about your
wife. Don't waste your time looking up
to them for a final word. Be in charge of marriage

14). Never base your love for your wife
on circumstances or condition even if
you married her on those bases, now
that she is your wife; love her
unconditionally. Circumstances or condition may change and if that
remains your base It will destroy your
marriage.

15). Your wife needs attention and
good listener like a babe, never be
too harsh on her but rather listen and give her your attention and she will
adore u.

16). Don't compare yourself with your
wife. She is feminine, rather
complement her, marriage is a
teamwork.

17). Don't be too judgemental of your
wife, she is your helpmate and the
weaker sex. See her as such and your
mind will relax

1. A lazy husband is a careless
husband. He doesn't even know his body needs a
bath. Keep good body and oral
hygiene i.e, your mouth and body
always smelling fresh whenever you
are together, poor mouth and body
hygiene will irritate her, though she may not tell you.

19). Don't associate yourself with men
who have wrong mental attitude and
opinion about marriage. Unless you
want to be like them, bad company
corrupt good manners

20). Your wife is as valuable to you as
the value you place on her. Keep
fresh; the pictures of her that led to
your marriage Recklessness and
mental torture is unacceptable. Except
you want it done to your sister or daughter

21). Fruit of the womb is a blessing
from the Lord, love your wife; children
or no children, irrespective of their
gender teach them the ways of the
lord, they will not depath from it even in old age.

22). You are never too old to influence
your wife, never keep malice with her,
your marriage will be as peaceful as
you want it to be. Never reduce your
care for your wife and children because of a strange woman or for
any reason, they are you and you are
them.

23). A prayerful husband is a better
equipped husband, pray always, pray
for your wife and children, your children are your future.
Consciously and Deliberately Do This
Things and You Will Have a Glorious
Marriage.

#AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Unki Chahat Mein Dil Majbur Ho Geya;

Bewafai Karna Unka Dastur Ho Geya;

Kasur Unka Nahi, Hamara Tha;

Humne Chaha Hi Itna Ki Unko Garur Ho Geya!Related

Hope is wishing something would happen;

Faith is believing something will happen;

Courage is making something happen!Related

1 minute silence For the millions of Rams that's gonna be slaughtered Nationwide in the next few hours, May their gentle souls rest in perfect peace And may God give them eternal rest in ur various stomachs.#Chopless ooo#well jedi jedi is real#Nairajokes# www.facebook.com/9jastudentforum #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-24 13:04:07

1157 Views



UNBELIEVABLE [Read it]


An igbo man, Yoruba man and Hausa man were kidnapped by the cannibals in the forest when they went for hunting.
The head of the cannibal now said time them.
" My dear friends, if You really want to save ur lives, go into the forest and bring any fruit u see time me then I'll Let u go.
The 3 men went deep into d forest in search of Fruits. the first person to find a fruit was an Hausa man. He found a coconut fruit.
He brought it to the head of the cannibal then the man said to him.
" You have passed the first text, now the second text is... if You can swallow dis coconut easily with out frowning Or making any kind of noise then I'll Let u go, But whereby u can't, we'll kill u and use ur flesh for celebration.
The Hausa man tried to swallow d coconut But couldn't, immediately Dey killed him.
The second person to arrive is An igbo man. He found 10 strawberry fruit. the head of d cannibal told him exactly Wat he told the Hausa man.
As the igbo man started swallowing, he had swallowed 8 out of 10 then suddenly he shouted
." haaaaaa see die " then immediately Dey killed him.
then suddenly the Hausa man and the igbo man met in the spirit world, dis is the Conversation between dem.
.HAUSA MAN: kai, oboy Wetin happened, u Don already finish d strawberry, Wetin make u shout naa. ?
IGBO MAN: Nwanne No b small thing , I have swallowed 8 fruits as I was about to swallow the 9th fruit, I saw the Yoruba man coming with a water melon....

Hahahaha



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-16 13:58:10

462 Views



COPY AND PASTE [Read it]


An
Inspirational speaker said:
"The best days of my life
were the days I spent with
another man's wife".The
audience were in shock
and silence. He added:
"and she was my mother".
A big round of applause
and laughter followed.One
Man who listened to the
speech decided to crack
this at home. After dinner,
he said to his wife: the
best days of my life were
the days I spent with
another man's wife....After
a moment he tried to recall
the second line......By the
time he regained his
senses, he was in hospital
bed, recovering from
burns of hot water poured
by his wife..LESSON MORAL:
Don't copy if, you cannot
paste.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-13 06:13:13

339 Views



big snake [Read it]



Little Johnny was 7 years old, and like other boys
his age, very curious. He had been hearing quite
a bit about toasting from other boys and he
wondered what it was and how it was done.
One day he took his questions to his mother, and
she became surprised. Instead of explaining
things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the
curtains one night and watch his older sister and
her boyfriend. This he did, and the following
morning, Johnny described everything to his
mother.
"Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for awhile,
then he turned off most of the lights. Then he
started to kiss and hug her, I figured sis must be
getting sick because her face started looking
funny. He must have thought so too because he
put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart,
just like the doctor would. Except he's not as
good as the doctor, because he seemed to have
trouble finding her heart.
He was getting sick too, because pretty soon
both of them started panting and getting all out
of breath. His other hand must have been
getting cold because he put it under her skirt.
About this time, sis got toward the end of the
couch. This was when the fever started. I know
it was a fever because sis told him she was
really hot.
Finally, I found out what was making them so
sick... a big snake had gotten inside his pants
somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and
stood there about 9 inches long. Honest! Anyway,
he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting
away. When sis saw it she got really scared. Her
eyes big and her mouth fell open, and she
started calling out to God and stuff like that. I
should tell her about the ones I saw at the river!
Anyway, sis got brave and tried to kill the snake
by biting its head off. All of a sudden, she made
a noise and let the snake go. I guess it bit her
back. Then she grabbed it with both hands and
held it tight while he took a nylon cover out of
his pocket and slipped it over the snake's head
to keep it from biting again. Sis lay back and
spread her legs so she could get a scissor lock
on it, and he helped by laying on the top of the
snake. The snake put up a hell of a fight. Sis
started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend
almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to
kill the snake by squishing it between them.
After a while, they both quit moving and gave a
great sigh. Her boyfriend sat up and sure enough
they had killed the snake. I knew it was dead
because it just hung there limp and some of its
insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend
were a little tired from the battle, but they went
on toasting anyway. He started hugging and
kissing her again, and lo and behold, the snake
wasn't dead after all. It jumped straight up and
started to fight again. I guess snakes are like
cats... they have nine lives or something.
This time sis jumped up and tried to kill the
snake by sitting on it. After about 35 minutes of
struggle, they finally killed the snake. I know it
was dead this time because I saw sis' boyfriend
peel off the skin and flush it down the toilet."
Mother fainted!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-22 16:09:28

393 Views



Social media [Read it]


Ochuko: Akpos, why are you
always on Facebook?
Akpos: I like Facebook & I'm
always there for one thing. It's the
only place where you can like
another man's wife without
getting slapped.
Ochuko: So, what about Twitter,
why are you always there too?
Akpos: Twitter is the only place
you can follow another man's wife for free!



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-10 15:46:59

306 Views




ANGELS 8




My sword and light I use to face spirit beings.we live to protect the human races under the grace of GOD. We stand tall and strong as a mountain defending a village.we Are the angels that protect you from certain things.both the ones and the ones you can and can't explain.we always stand beside you when face some certain things but you won't know or See us because you were made to see only the physical life not the spiritual one.our mission is to protect and stand for the humans where ever their power can't reach.sometimes we Fight battle right in front of you but you won't know or feel anything.sometimes we go ahead of you to clear your path to keep away death,sorrow,sadness,disappointment,shame,disgrace,dishonour,fear and pain.every individual has his/her angel of protection.why do you think that something that others will do and die or others will do and get caught.you will do it and nothing will happen to you.
We are called protector angels.we are totally different from the warrior,messager and encouragement angels.unlike them we stand beside humans always or appear in human form to do our mission.
Now let me take you to our world and try to catch up fast remember we fly very fast......................
(A Little girl)gift:"GOD please help my dad.save him from the evil things that walk and move around.don't let anything happen to him.send an angel ahead of him.oh oh LORD please give my daddy plenty money today so that he can buy me ice cream.and let him come back home safely".she said as her two little cute eyes were closed and her little hands clapped together.
Dad&mum:"amen","amen".they both said smiling and looking at her.i just stood their looking at them and smiling........(ANGEL talking)actually we were 12 angels assigned to that home.2 stood for the little girl.same for the dad and the mum.the other 6 were standing guard over the house...................
Little did gift know that her prayers for her dad will make him surpass that day,the fight I saw ahead was much and plenty.everyday is a battle field in his life,but that day battle seems very very much seriously deadly.
After the prayer gift's dad and mum stood up with gift.gift's dad picked up his suitcase which was beside him. Gift's mum collected the suitcase from his hand as they stood.gift came closer to her dad then she asked him to carry her.he smiled and carried gift.they both walked towards the front door with her mum beside them. The second angel was told to go ahead of him which he did as the little girl requested from God.so now it was just me and him.
As he opened the door I saw a spirit which was both bull and a human.it was in a man like figure with his hair packed backwards.it sat on the bull which has a nose ring on.but in this case the man was merge with the bull.making it a bull human.its human form start from the back of the bull.the human form had no legs.it had a bow and an arrow which was black in colour.I knew that it was the angel of death and disaster.its arrow was in its right hand while the bow was in its left hand.it move its right hand fixing the arrow to the bow.it aimed at gift's dad heart and was about to shoot the arrow of death at him.I quickly came to his front to block the arrow.the spirit stop and relaxed its hands. Then it vanished.gift's dad kept on walking without knowing the battle and spirit that was right in front of him.he walked up to his car.as he slot his car key in to open his car.the spirit of accident came.it stood in front of him. I order the spirit to leave him.the spirit looked at me and disappeared.but it was still going to come back.........(ANGEl. TALKING)that spirit is very stubborn .each time we order them to stop what they want to do.they always come back later with reinforcement.............he entered his car.then he kept his suitcase on the second seat beside him.he started the car then drove off to work.......to be continue.....THANK YOU FOR READING THIS STORY.........story by DINDY.....WhatsApp number:07087750433....facebook namessy nnamdi
PLEASE DO NOT SHARE WITHOUT TELLING ME

EPISODE 8 CONTINUES....... He was driving on the highway while I was over his Car flying.my eyes was on him and was on the road at the same time.I was looking ahead of him when I saw the spirit of accident was waiting for him again.and if his car comes in contact with the spirit then that is the end of his life.the spirit stood like a big mango tree...........(ANGEL talking)there were many spirit of death and accident I saw there but one was after gift's father.I am sure that an unlucky person will fall into their trap but surly gift's dad is not among.things like this happens everyday of once life.that is why you should pray every morning before you go out because you humans encounter both spirit and demons everyday of your life.and if you are not protected by us through the GRACE OF GOD then you are totally gone................ He was about 20seconds to touching the spirit. I flu ahead of him to clear his path off the spirit of accident.surely it was a tree but I am a mountain.so moving it out of his way was not a hard task.he scaled through without even knowing what would have happen to him
Now he was half way to his work unknown to him.there was another spirit of the occasional trip and fall death on the entrance of his office.......(ANGEL TAlKING)do you know how lucky you are to escape that spirit.so many people end up tripping to death.do you think its because of your stamina that's why you survive that fall or trip.well know now and know forever that.It is not. By your hand you survive it but by the GRACE of GOD on you...........the second angel that was protecting gift's dad with me was already pushing away the evil spirits that was in front of his parking space before he got there.
He parked his car in front of the office.then he took his suitcase which he had kept at the second seat beside him.he got down from his car with the bag in his right hand.he used his left hand to lock his car. he walked closer to the door in a hurried way.he opened the door with his left hand pushing his head ahead of his entire body.his right leg scaled through the little iron fence at the bottom of the door.but his left foot was the main aim of attack for the spirit of occasional fall and trip.his left foot didn't scale through.his left foot hit the little iron fence and he tripped but I held him back not to fall while the second angel chased the spirit away.he gained himself back but his suitcase was now on the floor..........(ANGEL talking)the fall of the suitcase could have being his own fall to death.but it was exchanged.let me explain better.that spirit is intensively stubborn so it was either he falls or something else falls,so its better for the suitcase to fall than him..........
"Sorry sir,sorry sir"said the male and female worker that were walking to their office.
"Thank you"he said as he bent down to pick up his suitcase.
He adjusted himself while we stood beside him.then he went straight to his office..........................................to be continue........story by DINDY.....WhatsApp number:07087750433....facebook namessy nnamdi
PLEASE DO NOT SHARE WITHOUT TELLING ME



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Students' eyes in the
classroom:
(-_-) (-_-) (-_-) (-_-) (-_-)
(-_-) (-_-) (-_-)
Students' eyes when
teacher says tomorrow
will be exam
(O_O) (O_O) (O_O) (O_O)
(O_O) (O_O)
Student's eyes during
the exam
(?_?) (?_?) (?_?) (?_?)
(?_?) (?_?)
Student's eyes when
the investigator is
coming
(?_?) (?_?) (?_?) (?_?)
(?_?)
True or False?



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-27 16:06:02

557 Views




Akpos entered a boutique to buy a purple shirt.

At the boutique, he discovered that there were only red shirts.

''I'm looking for a purple shirt''. He complained to the attendant.

''There are only red shirts but you can take it and pretend it's purple. After all, purple and red is almost similar''. The attendant said.

Akpos agreed.

When he was about to pay, he said, ''You can take this 200 Naira and pretend it's 2000 Naira''. After all, its on "0" that is the difference and zero means nothing



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-22 14:48:49

1511 Views



Bad News [Read it]


A man is surprised to receives a call from his doctor.

The doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have some bad news and some worse news."

"Well, alright, give me the bad news first," said the man.

"Well," said the doctor, "The bad news is that you only have 24 hours to live."

"Holy Cow! That is some bad news!" the man exclaimed. "What news could be worse than that?" he asked.

"The worse news is that I have been trying to reach you since yesterday


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-23 19:01:33

822 Views



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