Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Women should have equal rights to men.
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It would be awesome if women were allowed to walk around with their tops off! :thinking:Related

Santa walks into the bar and orders 2 shots of whisky and he drinks one and pours the other shot on his hand. He did this 3 times before the bartender finally asks him, “Why is it you drink one shot and pour the other on your hand? Santa replies, “I’m getting my girl friend drunk!”Related

At 38yr i have everything like money, good job, car, house etc
but no husband. I was so worried over it.
I heard of one happening church, so i decided to attend.
while praying the pastor said to me "You must WALK today!"
I became surprise because am not crippled. so i kept quiet
He repeated again "I said you must WALK today"
I looked at my back to know if he is actually talking to someone else but he wasn't
"Young lady, i said you must WALK today!"
At this time i said "AMEN"
At the end of the service, i stepped out of the church and couldn't find my car.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-27 08:48:33

1686 Views




One morning, a teacher entered the class and was so disappointed to meet not even a single student.
After 30 min, the students started arriving one by one.
The angry teacher was observing them as they enter.
After the arrival of the last student, the teacher said
"If you know you came late and you greeted me as you pass the door, fall to the right, 10 strokes of cane for you"
"If you know you came late and you did not greet me as you pass the door, fall to the left, 2 weeks suspension."
"And don't attempt to lie because i was taking record." he added.
After the statement, a class of 20 students, 10 moved to the right while 9 moved to the left remaining only Akpos standing alone.
"Young man! are you claiming you where here before me?" asked the angry teacher.
Akpos replied "No sir!"
"And am sure you didn't greet me"
"Yes sir! I didn't"
"Then why are you still there?" asked the teacher.
"because i didn't fall into any category" replied Akpos
"Meaning"
Akpos said "Meaning that I entered through the window."

IF you are the teacher what punishment will you give Akpos



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-12 17:26:55

48827 Views




During his wedding rehearsal, Akpors approached the
pastor with an unusual offer.
AKPORS: “Look, I will give you 25,000 Naira if you will
change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the
part where I am to promise to ‘love, honour and obey’ and
‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I would
appreciate it if you would just leave that part out.”
He passed the pastor a 25,000 Naira cheque and walked
away satisfied.
The day of the wedding, Akpors and his wife to be moved
to that part of the ceremony where the vows were being
exchanged. When it came to the time for the groom’s
vows, the pastor looked Akpors in the eye and said;
PASTOR: “Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her,
obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in
bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before
God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at
another woman, as long as you both live?”.
Akpors gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice;
AKPORS: “Yes.” He leaned toward the pastor and hissed, “I
thought we had a deal.”
The pastor put the 25,000 Naira cheque into his hand and
whispered back;
PASTOR: “She made me a much better offer.”
WHO IS SMARTER?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-28 17:43:38

1037 Views



Apointment. [Read it]


Following my new apointment as the minister for laughter, the preisdent state that it will be corruption in this Buharimocracy system of government that i post from one group to another so his PA to social network,mr Mark Zuckerberg as directed the federal government to create a 24/7 powerful funfill page where i can post most of my undilluted jokes. He also added that in that page my jokes MUST be as sweet as Honey since am Funny though he does'nt know if am Cunny but warned me not to be Horny as well, he also said i should expect my allowance from my readers,,he concluded.
In my acceptance speeh i promise the president that the joy, laughter, happiness and expectation of the page's fans will not know August break..
On the evening, the president, senate president and Mark Zuckerberg joint hand and commission a page for me.
.
.so frnds kindly search and like my page .......name..
.
GO-GETTER THE FUNNIEST.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-29 17:41:07

451 Views




Jonny was once give the magic phone one he went to abuja for a visit so he can do any thing with the phone he can see any boy he want with the phone so one day as he was just passing in the street of abuja some guy rubbed him off the magic phone so Jonny shouted gobagobama and those guy fainted and every other rubber that saw what happened throw away the phones that dey have stolen


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-25 15:50:14

255 Views




Night has gone and the moon, too.

Sun is shinning and the sky is blue.

Time to open your beautiful eyes;

And accept my Good Morning message to you!Related

canteen palava [Read it]


A man was about eating in a restaurant when obio came
Obio-waiter give me fufu wey be like this man own(he touched the man's fufu)and meat wey soft like this(he bit the meat)i mean meat wey soft well well like this(he throw the meat in his mouth)
Man-how can you touch my food and ate my meat
Obio-take it easy i am explaining that he should give me meat wey soft like this(he stretch his hand to take another meat but the man removed his hand.Akpos came and the man explained everything)
Man-bros he ate my meat even he did not wash his hand
Akpos-that is unfare.You have no manners at all.y cant u even wash ur hands
Man-thank u bro akpos
Akpos-next time you will sit down(he sat down)then you will wash your hands(he washed his hands)then you will take fufu and put it in soup and then eat it(akpos finished the whole fufu)then you will eat the meat (he finished the remaining 3 meats)now that is how to do it

Please who x the real badoo?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-31 10:27:22

262 Views




To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart.

~ Eleanor RooseveltRelated

BROKEN SEAL 2
EPISODE 25

Angelo: i…i….i am Nenita’s
father!
Carolyne: what! You must be
kidding me!
Angelo: no i’m not, i can
explain…..
***FIVE YEARS AGO***
Its two weeks to the end of
Mayor Matt’s tenure, a new
mayor is to be voted in before
then.
The campaignes were on top
gear, the two most important
candidates ; belonging to the
strongest opposition parties
were Angelo and Guidotti.
Angelo noticed Mayor matt
was supporting Guidotti.
Guidotti was his godson.
Angelo wasn’t bothered one
bit, he knew this was a
political contest and the
people’s choice would march
into victory.
Angpelo’s friends phoned him,
asking him to come over to
new rock hotel for their weekly
meriment; where they would
drink and have fun.
He didn’t hesitate to drive
down to the hotel, it wasn’t
really much of a hotel, it was a
more of a lounge with rooms
for bookings.
Kate the waitress served them
drinks and meat as usual.
Angelo together with his
friends drank to stupor, their
sensees got snatched away by
the strong wine in their
system.
Friend1: there is a goodie
inside!
Angelo: a hot one you mean?
Friend2: super hot….just check
out room 012.
Angelo left them and located
room 12 with a little search.
He opened the door to meet a
young lady on the bed, the
room was gloomy.
He went to her and pleasured
himself despite her pleas and
cries.
She was the first lady to try
resisting, this wasn’t the first
time he and his friends were
doing this.
Angelo and his friends left
when it was few minutes past
12am.
Kate was clearing the table,
she was about closing for the
day when she heard loud sobs
of a woman.
She traced the voice to room
12, where a lady was seated on
the bed, her hair were a mess,
she looked sweaty.
Kate tried to keep her calm,
she also tried getting her to
say something.
Lady: my name is Nikky
Angelo, i was kidnapped and
raped by some unknown guys.
Kate: you mean your dad is
Angelo the mayorship
aspirant?
Nikky: yes and thats why those
båstards must pay!
Kate knew Angelo was the
rapist, she was sure telling
Nikky would create a family
scandal, she didn’t want to be
the cause of other persons
problems, she decided to keep
it to her self.
She took Nikky home and set
her off the following morning.
Angelo sat in the balcony,
enjoying the aura of fresh air,
reading a newspaper and
sipping his fruit juice at
intervals.
His phone beeped three times
consecutively, all of which
were text messages ; two
pictures and a voicemail.
The pictures captured himself
and Nikky on the bed, the pics
were taken yesterday.
He was shocked to see the lady
in question was no other than
his own daughter.
He opened the voice mail and
a male voice popped out…..
“i presume you like what you
see, well if you don’t want to
see those pics in the headline
tomorrow, withraw from the
contest.
Think about your family, Mr.
Angelo”
the sender I.D was hidden, he
told his friends about it, they
claim not to know the girl in
question was his daughter.
Angelo transfered all the
blames Guidotti, his opponent
in the election.
This caused a fight between
them as Guidotti said he knew
nothing about the whole rape
plan.
The quarrel signed the gulf in
their friendship.
***TWO WEEKS LATER***
Nikky came home with a sad
face, Angelo didn’t ask before
she narrated her ordeals with
the kidnappers to him.
He feld really ashamed, he
couldn’t bring himself to tell
his daughter he was the rapist.
Nikky: i’m pregnant dad, i
don’t know what to do, am
scared of abortion!
Angelo: you love Isaiah right?
How about you pin the baby
on him!
Nikky: dad! We’vd never had s-
x before.
Angelo: then you can have one,
well atleast the foetus is still
very young.
Nikky didn’t like the idea at
first, but she loved Isaiah and
was ready to do anything to
buy his love.
***PRESENT****
Angelo: see? It all boils down
to Guidotti!
Voice: thats not true!!!


>>

It’s good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it’s good, too, to check up once in a while and make sure that you haven’t lost the things that money can’t buy.

~ George Horace LorimerRelated

Akpors and Joba went for an
interview for employment. joba was the first to
enter the interviewing office.. (the manager asking joba questions).
Manager: who was the first millitary
head of state in Nigeria ..
Joba: General Aguyi Ironsi..
Manager: when was the North and southern protectorate in Nigeria Almagamated . .
Joba: 1914.. Manager. Dat is gud of you..
Question no 3, is it true that the cure for hiv/aids is discovered .. Joba: eehm.. yes but not scientifically proven...
Manager: good way of answering questions, pls can you wait for us outside and we will
attend to you later... (when joba went outside akpos asked him)..
Akpos: joba, what are the questions and please tell me the answers??..
(as joba was about to tell akpos the questions and answer, the manager shouted from inside `NEXT`..
Akpos then said to Joba)..
Akpos. Ok tell me only the answers..
Joba: answer to
number 1 is: General Aguyi Ironsi,
number 2 is=1914,
number 3 is=yes but not scientifically proven
(mumu Akpos got to d interview, after exchanging greetings, d manager told him to sit down)
manager. Please sir, What is ur name?
Akpos : General Aguyi Ironsi (manager became confused)
Manager. Please what year where you born?
Akpors: 1914
Manager: (angrily, he shouted at Akpos)!! are u mad?!!!
Akpos: Yes, but not scientifically proven

HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-02 00:15:59

422 Views




"The art of government is the organization of idolatry." True or false?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-03 20:08:41

436 Views



QUESTION to all [Read it]


Your wife/fiancee caught you
cheating
on her with another
woman on
your matrimonial bed, she
says
nothing and leaves the
scene.
Next morning she prepares
your
favourite meal, calls you all
sweet
names and serves you
breakfast
with a smile. Will you eat
the
breakfast?

Be honest



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-26 19:28:35

359 Views




1.  Craze no hard to form,na the trekking be wahala.
     
English translation: Easier said than done.


2.   No matter how hot your temper be,e no fit boil beans.
     
English translation: Calm down, your temper won’t solve the problem

3.  Chicken wey run from Borno go Ibadan go still end up inside pot of soup. 
     
English translation: You can’t run away from your destiny


4.   Today’s newspaper na tomorrow Suya wrap
     
English translation: Keep calm! Nothing lasts forever.


5.   Cow wey dey in a hurry to go America go come back as corn beef
     
English translation: Just be patient. Let the game come to you. Don’t rush!


6.   Akara and moin moin get the same parent, na wetin dem pass through make dem different
     
English translation: How you start doesn’t matter, what matters is how you finish.


7.   Leave matter for Mathias and Sabi for Sabinus
      English translation: Give everyone what they deserve.


8.   The difference between kpekere and plantain chips na packaging
     
English translation: Don’t judge based on appearance alone


9.  Escort me, Escort me, na im slave trade take start
    
English translation: Serious things sometimes start like a joke


10. The water wey dem use take make eba can never be recovered.
     
English translation: Don’t cry over spilled milk.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-10 07:23:04

512 Views




A woman giving a testimony on how she survived an
accident claimed that the car somersaulted 17 times.
Akpos who was who in the congregation stood up and
said: “Madam, so of all things to do, you were busy
counting how many times the car somersaulted?

Am suspecting you!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-02 23:30:09

353 Views




Zippor: baby brother
Zuriel: oh big brother;are you back?
Zippor: yes;we came back an hour back
Zuriel: alright;i go inside
Zippor: are you mad at me
Zuriel: no
Zippor: then why are you cold
Zippor: will you mind if i asked you something
Zippor: go on asked
Zuriel: what was life like when mother was alive;just tell me;everything about our family
Zippor: i thought you wouldn't asked;anyway(he smiled)mom is a very cheerful woman,she loved all her kids and want the best for them. whenever anyone of us fall sick,it will seem she is also sick too. mom likes to tease someone;once you are sitting alone,she will look at you and says,'you are thinking something evil right' at first we will get mad but when we find out it was teasing;we will tell her also that she is thinking something evil also;that is why she know we are. there is never a day that goes by without she kissing and hugging us;she was our best friend;someone we can talk to and play with(tears roll his eyes)she was the Pillar of our family
Zuriel: and dad?
Zippor: he was loving at first and a sweet supporting husband and a dad. he protected us and provide everything for us,he was the best dad every child will want to have
Zuriel: really
Zippor: everyone of us dreamed of having him in our life;in one way or the other;like me,i want to be just like him and my sisters,they want to get married to someone like him. Isabella;will always say,'dad you are my role model and the day i will get married,i will show everyone you are the best dad in the whole wild world and i will name my first son after you
Zuriel: does it mean your dad used to love Isabella?
Zippor: don't be ridiculous;if he hadn't love her then she wouldn't had been able to stay with us for this long. both of them were close,really close until dad find out the truth and everything went wrong. dad turned into a monster;the devil himself;nothing was left with him,at first,i thought he would change but no,that change people want to see in him,he is not ready to show it
Zuriel: is it that easy to hate someone when the person is not related to you
Zippor: when you love some one genuinely;nothing about the person seem to irritate you;even if you have every reason;even a thousand and one reason to hate them,you stay with the person for just one reason;even if is just for the love the person as for you. the love Isabella had for dad none of his children had it for him;its pure and straight from her heart but every time that love is been show to dad;its always throw back to her face. after dad murdered mom
Zuriel: Isabella said,'he was provoked(enter Zeal)
Zippor: provocation?when someone get provoked and did something bad after sometime he or she will realised what he did was bad but no dad never admitted His fault;he always blame Isabella for it and even when he was arrested;Isabella was the one whom paid his bills;she never stop loving him;always looking for excuse for him to justify his mistake(tears roll Zuriel's eyes)dad never stop hurting her even with all the love;when he returned from jail;he still hurt the person that made him get out of there and the day he sent us out;i could never forget that was the day i clock seventeen;he wanted her and hurt and i defended her;he throw me out also. we slept outside because we have no one to go to(tears rolled Zeal's eyes)
Zuriel: let me get something straight;your dad sent you out too?
Zippor: yes
Zuriel: oh now i remember;that was the first night i called her. so do you mean to tell me;you both
Zippor: yes,i was scared to death but i have to be strong for her and the next day we returned to dad but it was clear that dad doesn't want her any more and that was the day grandma died
Zuriel: what? (tears roll his eyes)
Zippor: yes;she died after saying the truth and after her burial i moved out with Isabella;to live with Joy;but i did go further with my education because i wanted to see my baby happy and for this three years we lived together;love is what kept us going (tears roll his eyes)
Zuriel: that is enough;i never knew that you passed through all this pains in dad's hand
Zippor: its nothing;we never get tired of all the ill treatment that is mended out on us because we got each other back
Zuriel: i heavy you two
Zippor: that is why i want you to promised me;that when i am gone;you will take good care of her
Zuriel: i promised(phone ringing)
Zippor: i am sorry;i got to go meet Isabella;is like she need me
Zuriel: alright take care(exit Zippor)
Zeal: son
Zuriel: dad;do you still love me?
Zeal: of cause;i will never stop loving you
Zuriel: then help me get justice for the death of my mother
Zeal: son;he had been vindicated
Zuriel: i don't care how you do it;go for an appeal and re-open the case. i want justice for my mother and brother
Zeal: son(enter Melisa)
Zuriel: you don't want to do it for me?fine i will do it myself
Zeal: is alright,son i will do it(Zuriel walked away)i just hope;i wouldn't do anything to hurt Zippor
Melisa: you are thinking of Zippor. my son said'he want justice' and justice he will get
Zeal: why shouldn't i think of a boy;who is always there for my son and daughter most especially
Melisa: i don't care;just do it because if that man remain in prison,my son will remain with me
Zeal: woman you are selfish,excuse me(exit Zeal)
Melisa: i don't care(curtain)
Ada: Isabella;where is Zippor?
Isabella: why are you looking for him?
Ada: i want him to solve some problem for me
Isabella: what kind of problem is that?
Zippor: hey
Ada: Zippor;can you help me fixed my light?
Zippor: alright;no problem;i will be back
Isabella: just be fast(exit Zippor/Ada)i wonder what is wrong with Ada?(enter Zuriel)she is annoying Zuriel: who is annoying?
Isabella: your sister of cause
Zuriel: what did she do?
Isabella: will you stop that your flirtatious sister
Zuriel: i don't get you
Isabella: tell Ada to stay away from my brother;i don't want her for my brother
Zuriel: what is it with you?Zippor has his own problem and his own life;so let him be
Isabella: i should let him be and who are you to tell me what to do?
Zuriwl: i am your friend right?
Isabella: you are my friend and not my brother;so if you don't have what to say;then get lost. rubbish(she turned to walk away and he dragged her back and kissed her)are you crazy?how dare you(enter Zippor)don't you ever in your miserable life do that to me
Zippor: what is going on here?
Zuriel: is nothing brother;i am sorry Isabella(he walked away)
Zippor: that is wrong with that boy?
Isabella: why not asked him?(she turned to leave)
Zippor: hey girl;what did he do to you?
Isabella: i said nothing right(he starred at her)what?why are you starring at me(enter Mercy)
Zippor: is nothing;are you not my baby?
Isabella: stop teasing(she tickle him)
Zippor: Isabella stop it
Mercy: you too should stop;dad doesn't like it
Isabella: we are not doing anything wrong
Mercy: i know but anyway;dad said,'you should come to his office'
Isabella: what?
Mercy: yes
Isabella: alright;i will just go and change
Zippor: take care sweet
Isabella: alright(exit Mercy/Isabella)
Obedient: what is wrong with you?
Zuriel: nothing;i just want to be left alone(enter Zippor)
Obedient: if you say so;i will go ahead
Zippor: Zuriel can we talk?
Zuriel: sure
Obedient: i will leave you two(exit Obedient)
Zuriel: i am sorry;if you want to punch me go ahead and do that
Zippor: why would i do that?don't i want my sister to get married?come on sit(they sat down)
Zuriel: what are you saying?
Zippor: don't be shy,tell me,just pour it out
Zuriel: i don't get you
Zippor: come on;i saw my sister cleaning her lips and i know that you did something to her
Zuriel: i am sorry;i didn't mean to
Zippor: i know but when you kept calling my sister and you always want to be with her,i know something is fishing. so tell me
Zuriel: tell you what?
Zippor: alright;since you don't want to say it,i will help you,you are in love with her
Zuriel: what?
Zippor: go on;don't denial it
Zuriel: alright fine;i am in love with her right from the first day i saw her on screen but then i was thinking the feeling will go away but then i saw her at the market;i just couldn't get my mind off her
Zippor: really?
Zuriel: of cause
Zippor: then tell her;what are you waiting for or do you want me to tell her?
Zuriel: no;is of no use because....(he pause)
Zippor: what?my brother is shy;don't worry i will tell her;i am sure,she will accept it
Zuriel: brother is enough;i will just go inside
Zippor: alright no problem
Zuriel: i go ahead(exit Zippor)mother;what do you want(he wiped his eyes
Melisa: son;are you alright
Zuriel: yes;mother,i am fine;did you want anything?
Melisa: no,i was checking on you.
Zuriel: alright;mom
Melisa: yes
Zuriel: mom is it okay;if you help me court Isabella?
Melisa: is not
Zuriel: but mother
Melisa: is she the one making you cry?
Zuriel: what?no mother;i just cried sometime
Melisa: really?
Zuriel: yes
Melisa: i heard you(exit Melisa)
Zuriel: what is wrong with mom?i just hate it(he punch the wall)everyone is annoying
Zippor: hey young man;what is wrong with you?
Obedient: nothing
Zippor: are you sure?
Obedient: of cause
Zippor: i really don't understand any one in this house
Obedient: then leave
Zippor: i wonder;what is it with this rich people?everything about their life is complicated
Obedient: yes;our whole life is complicated;everything about us is complicated;do you think its easy for me to wake up every morning and fine out my twin brother is out there in the cool because he raped my own sister and i couldn't face my dad because i am gay?
Zippor: what?
Obedient: yes;i and my brother are failures,we are not the kind of children dad want
Zippor: that is not it;your dad love you and even if he stay mad at you;it will not be for long
Obedient: who are you to act like you are perfect?your family is not a perfect one;if you are that good;why is your family not together?why is your family apart?why are are you from a broken home?and why has your dad not take you back?oh now i know;your dad doesn't love you. that is why he throw you out.
Zippor: take that back,i said,'take it back'(enter Zuriel)
Obedient: if i don't;what will you do?imbecile
Zippor: i hate you(Obedient pushed him)

Obedient: leave you witch or should i say wizard
Zuriel: hey will you stop it?you are hurting him(enter Isabella)
Obedient: and if i don't what will you do?he is just a freeloader(he ran out)silly boy(Isabella slapped him)what is wrong with you?
Isabella: don't you dare in your miserable life;ever tell my brother he is a freeloader
Obedient: if i don't
Isabella: you don't want me to unveil my real self
Obedient: will you get out of this place,if you are this tough,why is your dad such a monster to you(Zuriel slapped him)are you insane;why did you slapped me?is her dad not a monster?
Zuriel: you are insulting my dad(enter Ada/Zeal)
Obedient: oh i forgot that useless man is your father also(they both fought)
Ada: stop it you two
Zeal: are you boys crazy?do you have to fight and cause more trouble for me?
Obedient: dad;they started it first
Zuriel: fine;i admit;i throw the first punch but he provoked me
Obedient: i didn't do anything
Isabella: will you stop acting?you insulted my brother,you made him feel like he is nothing;you can insult me;yelled at me;call me all sort of names but there are this people that i wouldn't bear to see suffering,that is my family,my dad;my sister and especially not my one and only brother(tears roll his eyes)not my brother;i beg you,please don't hurt him any more(she knee before him)please don't let him go through more pains all because of me(Obedient touch her)you don't have to worry about me anymore because i am leaving with my brother;i can't breath without him because he is my air(tears roll Zuriel's eyes)please,i beg you
Obedient: i am sorry(she walked away)
Zuriel: excuse me
Obedient: i am sorry brother;i am really sorry brother(Zuriel walked away)i am sorry dad
Zeal: you are sorry? i don't just get you,what kind of a son are you?must you hurt me and everyone around me?must everything that come from your mother be bad?
Obedient: i am sorry dad
Zeal: sorry?will sorry bring reduce the pain you cause me?will it take all the heartbreak you and your brother;your mother and step mother had cause me?
Obedient: dad
Zeal: stop(he walked away)
Obedient: oh no(curtain)
Handsome: i thought you wouldn't come
Obedient: there are a lot going on at home. i just want to make it up to my family. i just want my family to hold again
Handsome: so what are you saying?
Obedient: i am really sorry;i don't know what to say at this point
Handsome: just go on and say anything
Obedient: i think we should just cool off for now
Handsome: are you breaking up with me?
Obedient: no;is not like that;we will get back together after i have solve my problem and clear my head(enter Lola)
Handsome: just get lost;i don't want you any more and stay away from me;rubbish(he walked away)
Obedient: what is wrong with this boy?hold on(he hit Lola)
Lola: watch it young man
Obedient: i am sorry(she wiped her tears)you are crying?
Lola: i am not crying
Obedient: then what is the tears in your eyes?
Lola: what do you care?(she slip and fall)
Obedient: careful baby(he pull her up and made her sit)are you okay?
Lola: i am fine
Obedient: you sure of that?

Lola: of cause;(she cried)i am such a bad person,i just couldn't give all the love that my family deserve from me. i just hurt my sister every time;i just feel left out;i have no clue of how its to be love by one sibling or dad;i always feel they have love for each other but not for me,i just feel like i am an air;that they needed but not visible to them but that doesn't bothered me because i want my family to hold because every time,i defended my kid sister,i ended up hurting my big sister and dad but its okay. i can do it;even if my sister pushed me away;i will never give up on her
Obedient: that is enough(he wiped her tears)

Lola: thanks;i am really sorry;i am not used to crying like this and talking to stranger
Obedient: is nothing;so what is your name
Lola: Lola and you are Obedient;right?
Obedient: what?how do you know my name?
Lola: is right in front of me
Obedient: oh! my identity card(they both laughed)
Lola: of cause;so i don't need to asked that;anyway why where you walking so fast ?you look disturb
Obedient: is nothing i cant handle
Lola: alright i go ahead
Obedient: no problem(she walked away)hold on;oh no;i just couldn't get her number;just pray i see her again





TO BE CONTINUED


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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‘My grandfather always said, “Don’t watch your money; watch your health.” So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money.It was Akpos my grandfather.’


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-12 17:22:34

643 Views




WRITE UP BY DINDY: THE STORY THAT NEVER HAPPENED

Please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this write up.

When true love strikes my heart it brings up a feeling which feels like a cold wind, that goes right pass my skin and straight into my bones, then to my mind and heart.
My bones were stones, but now are dust of forever happiness.
My mind couldn't create a world, but now it creates your beautiful image.
My heart was an organ that pumps blood only, but now it beats for you.
I need some time, a sound, a music, a song and a moment to think of my true love.
Whether i meet you or not, or I fall in love with you or not. At least i wrote this down for you and i pray your heart finds mine, and my love stays with you even in death.
The story of my love life could open up lyrics of a love song, that opens closed hearts filled with pain, misunderstanding and nightmare.
My heart will always be closed no matter what i do, only one person could change it and it's you.
When i choose to arrive at that point of change, my pain shall change to smile, my misunderstanding shall change to knowledge and my nightmare shall become my happy wakeup alarm.
My life shall be ok, and my life shall be happy ever after.

#happyeverafter.

MY NAME IS NNAMDI AKA DINDY AND I WROTE THIS WRITE UP FOR. LEARN FROM WHAT YOU READ NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND. THANKS FOR READING.

contact me on
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Email: [email protected]
or
Email: [email protected] Facebook: Ossy andy Nnamdi
Skype: 07087750433
or
Skype: [email protected]
Twitter: @nnamdiossy
INSTAGRAM: @ossynnamdi.







NAIRAJOKES.COM




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TEACHER: Anything You Cannot See,Touch And
Feel Does Not Exist.
Example, Can U See God?
Akpos: NO
TEACHER: Can You Touch God?
Akpos: NO
TEACHER: Can You Feel God?
Akpos: NO
TEACHER: This Means There Is No God. Can
Anybody Give Me Any Other Example?
AKPOS: Yes Ma, TEACHER: Go Ahead AKPOS.
(AKPOS Faces The Teacher)
AKPOS: Can You See Your Brain?
TEACHER: NO, AKPOS: Can You Touch Your
Brain?
TEACHER: NO.
AKPOS: Can You Feel Your Brain?
TEACHER: NO.
AKPOS: Therefore, YOU HAVE NO BRAIN.
..
..
Is Akpos Right Or Wrong


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-08 09:41:40

340 Views




Anybody who thinks money will make you happy, hasn’t got money.

~ David GeffenRelated

Here are some Nigeria Pidgin proverbs and
their meanings. Check it out below
*Craze no hard to form,na the trekking be
wahala.
English translation: Easier said than done.
*No matter how hot your temper be,e no fit boil
beans.
English translation: Calm down, your temper
won’t solve the problem
*Chicken wey run from Borno go Ibadan go still
end up inside pot of soup.
English translation: You can’t run away from
your destiny
*Today’s newspaper na tomorrow Suya wrap
English translation: Keep calm! Nothing lasts
forever
*Cow wey dey in a hurry to go America go come
back as corn beef
English translation: Just be patient. Let the game
come to you. Don’t rush!
*Akara and moin moin get the same parent,na
wetin dem pass through make dem different
English translation: How you start doesn’t
matter, what matters is how you finish.
*Leave matter for Mathias and Sabi for Sabinus
English translation: Give everyone what they
deserve.
*The difference between kpekere and plantain
chips na packaging
English translation: Don’t judge based on
appearance alone
*Escort me, Escort me, na im slave trade take
start
English translation: Serious things sometimes
start like a joke
*The water wey dem use take make eba can
never be recovered.
English translation: Don’t cry over spilled milk.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-22 16:46:56

499 Views




Q : Why teachers mark only one tick on our answers in the answer sheet?

A : Because they never read the answers.Related

This woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in, and he
says, “I have to tell you something about your baby.”

The woman sits up in bed and says, “What`s wrong with my baby, Doctor? What`s wrong???”

The doctor says, “Well, now, nothing`s wrong exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite.”

The woman says, “A hermaphrodite… what`s that???”

The doctor says, “Well, it means your baby has the…er… features… of both the male and a female.”

The woman turns pale. She says, “Oh my God! You mean it has a penis… AND a brain?”Related

Kanjoos baap k bete ne kaha: Papa meri girfriend pregnant ho gayi hai. 50,000 mang rahi hai, CHUP rehne ke.


Kanjoos baap ne khamoshi se paise de diye.


2 mahine baad dusra beta bola: Meri girlfriend pregnant hai. 75,000 mang rahi hai, CHUP rehne ke.


Kanjoos baap ne ek baar phir khamoshi se paise de diye.


6 mahine baad Kanjoos ki kuwari beti boli: Papa, I am pregnant!


Kanjoos ne usko gale se lagaya aur maatha chum ke khushi se bola: Shabaash beti, ab paise lene ki baari hamari hai.Related

A police man ask a young man to carried 100 blocks to wia he will show him for a stealing punishment so de man started carrying de blocks up to 99 immediately he saw his friend who was akpos de senior officer so he explain every thing to akpos so akpos started shouting on de other officer saying why should u be dis heartless? He turn to his friend and ask him hw many he has carrying de man answer and say 99 so akpos told him that he is very sorry for de embarrassment and he should take de blocks back to wia he took them.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-25 23:33:39

591 Views




please describe this babar







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-02-08 16:51:17

559 Views



English Guru [Read it]


I was a candidate at a JAMB Examination. We were writing Use Of English. I shaded the ones I knew and was waiting for manner to fall from Heaven when I noticed a very beautiful girl sitting beside me. 


She was shading and was not looking up. Through the help of my long neck, I peeped and checked her work, she was on number 65, I was still on number 21 and time was running out. I quickly thanked God and started shading along with her. 


We got to number 98 together, suddenly, she looked up, caught me and shouted in a low tone, "What is it? Why is you dey copying me? Copys! copys! You is not shaming! As big as you are! You are a disgrace to your manhood!


Na so I shout "Heeeey! heeeeyyy!!! I am finished!, who has eraser!!!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-17 07:03:45

133 Views




The original Playboy Bunnies were required to identify 143 brands of liquor and make 20 different cocktails as part of their job.Related

Bad son [Read it]


SON: Good morning dad. Please, I need some money for school.
DAD: What for son? 
SON: For lunch break dad.
DAD: I gave you enough money yesterday for you to get by today. What happened to it? 
SON: I used it all yesterday dad.
DAD: You see son, I don't have any money now and Jesus told us in the bible that man shall not leave by food alone. And you are to young to be eating too much.
SON: Okay dad, I'm off to school.
Dad: (feeling satisfied and happy that his son got the message) Bye! See you later.


A few minutes later, the dad left his house and was about to get into car. He was horrified when he noticed all the car's tyres were flat. He saw a note lying on the car's windscreen, picked it up and reads;


"Dad I hope you are not to old to trek like Jesus did as told in the bible too."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-07 21:55:47

221 Views



Akpos jam theif [Read it]


Akpos was sitting in a taxi when
he receives a text message from
his girl friend asking:
"Sex tonight?"
He quickly typed: "Yes!"
Then a thief sticks his hand into the taxi and snatches the phone
from Akpos.
Akpos gets out of the car and
runs after the thief shouting:
"Press send for me ooo! PLEASE!
PRESS SEND!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-21 06:48:07

402 Views




Akpors has been having quite a hard
year; he has been fired from one job to
another because of his inability to
comport himself and not annoy the
customers; however, stupid Akpors did
not see anything wrong with his behavior
and so could not change his ways.
One this particular day, he had gotten a
new job as a shop attendant in a very big
supermarket and was determined to keep
the job for as long as possible.
While he was on duty, a young woman
came in to purchase foodstuffs and
handed her selected items over to Akpors
for calculation and payment. Akpors
stared at her for a while and then looked
into her shopping basket; he finds she
had selected a carton of eggs, a gallon of
milk, and a basket of tomatoes. He then
says to the woman, “hmnnn, young lady,
you must be single.”
The woman was surprised and replied,
“Yes, yes I am!”
Akpors: Hehehehe…I knew it, it’s so
obvious.
The young lady was fascinated on how
Akpors could know her relationship status
just by looking at her items. Thinking he
would have an interesting explanation,
she asked Akpors: “but how did you
know?”
Akpors looked her in the face and said”
“because you’re very very ugly!.”
Akpors’ ears are still ringing from the slap
that landed him that day!
One word for Akpors this time?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-08 10:32:42

220 Views




episode 11

i tried my best to prevent him from leaving but he refused. “what do you mean by you are spending the night here?” i asked with so much seriousness. Hanson was flabbergasted. He didn’t see it coming. “hei, whats with the attitude?” he asked whiles moving backwards. I said nothing initially but i had to defend my self when he said “i hope your father knows about him” he got me bored. Why am i even wasting my time with him? I dashed out of the room, with my gown, insearch for the engineer. I saw a group of guys standing far from my apartment. I didn’t know what was happening but i figured out the engineer. He was been surrounded and it looked as if they wanted to attack him. I began to mover closer. “this is crazy girl, you are on campus and you are just in your gown.” i thought. Hanson didn’t move out and i wonder what he is doing in the room, well he wasn’t my headache yet. All that i wanted was my engineer. It isn’t my first time, referring to him as mine so don’t be surprise.
Before i got closer than close, one of the gangs hit the engineer. The Asanti drum began to beat in my chest. My heart was beating. I ran to him quickly and embraced him on the ground. “pleas, don’t hurt him! Please!? I pleaded. “aw see what we have here” they chorus. “please don’t hurt him” i continued pleading. “no no, you shouldnt be here.. Please leave!” he tried to get up. “don’t say that because i cant” i helped him up. “please you have to, for your own safety…” he urged me. But i refused. “hei whats with the drama?” One of them asked. “arrest her!” he instructed. “no!” the engineer shouted. He held me so tight, as if he didn’t want to loose me. “please don’t touch her, i will get you the money” he pleaded. ” we want it now” the ugliest amongst them protested. He moved abit closer to frighten us. “please give me time” he continued pleading. I observed that his pleading wasn’t bringing any positive result. “how much,” i faced him with a question. He didn’t want to talk.
“hei tell me the amount” i pressured him but he kept mute. He even looked more troubled. “it seems we have an angel who wants to be a heroine. Its GHC1000” someone said behind me. “that’s not true!” the engineer protested with all seriousness. “its okay, i said to him whiles staring into his eyes. His eyes were filled with love and tenderness. ” please don’t hurt him, i will get you the money within the next fifteen minutes.” i proposed. “ten minutes,” i heard a voice say, that person was quite handsome but foolish. I don’t know how he got involved with them in the first place. ” alright” i agreed, i dashed into my apartment and got the money they required. Hanson was watching Tele by then but i ignored him. “where do you think you are going to?” he blocked my way when i was running out. Time was running out. I had only ten minutes and half of it was already gone. ” i only have to give something to a friend” i responded with a nice face, i wonder if he is my dad to demand an explanation.
He was delaying me. I moved closer, very close. “just keep yourself busy till i get back, i have a surprise for you tonight” i said with a seductive voice. I cant believe it worked. Gosh ive never done that before. Not me, i don’t even know how to go about that, but it worked. I didn’t take thirty seconds to by pass him. Men, men, i wonder if all men are the same? “here” i handed it over to them. ” you can repay her back with hot s-x as you always do” one of them shouted at us when they were leaving. Were they thinking he is my lover or it meant something else? Ive got to find out. He got stranded, he couldn’t utter a word, he was just moving around, to any where and no where specifically. I ran to him and embraced him. He didn’t hold me back, he began to sob instead. I thought my ears were playing prank on me, i withdrew and realised tears were really flowing.
Whats happening to my engineer? Any suggestion.

>>

If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one. And that was the origin of
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
“Buy One Get One Free”!Related

LAUGH IT OFF [Read it]


D story i know nothing abt.Gud night ladies nd gentlemen,i stand be4 u 2 sit behind u 2 tell u a story i know nothing abt.Be4 dat anyway,listen 2 dis announcement.There z general men's meeting meant 4 women only.While u r coming put on ur best clothes since i know u hv none,admission is free only if u pay @ d gate.There is going 2 be a lot of chairs but u hv 2 sit on d floor.Any1 who comes early will be given a front seat @ d back of d hall.Now 2 my story, in d morning at d middle of d night, 2 dead men woke up 2 fight back to back facing each other, they brought out their swords nd shot one another.A deaf policeman heard it nd ran 2 d spot where d dead men lay. However if u don't believe my story, ask d blind man nd woman who saw everything.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-07 15:18:51

465 Views




Three men where on a trip the are the yoruba,igbo and hausa on their way to the occasion they has an accident which lead them to the forest of the canibals the canibals captured them and take them when they reached the king of the cannibals he say that they will live if they pass a test the following happen.
YORUBA MAN:sir this is d ten fruit u ask me to bring.
KINGS:now u are going to swallow all d fruit without crying.as d yoruba man swallow three apple he cry and was killed.
IGBO MAN:here is d ten cherry u asked me to bring.
KING:u will also swallow all of them.as d igbo man reached d ten fruit he burst into laughter and was killed(when d igbo man reached heaven d yoruba man asked y did u laugh when u almost finish swaloowing it d igbo man say i can keep it when i saw d hausa man coming with bunches and larger watermelon)


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-08 16:32:11

635 Views




They waited till i was through with my
food, packed all the remaining junks
and left the room, i couldn’t even hide
anything, have come to term with the
fact that my whole body has become a
thing of ridicule in their face…do i even know all what they did to me while i
was conscious? Only God knows what
they injected me with that made me to
be unconscious for that long and what i
went through during the process… No long they left i started thinking
about my life, how all these started and
how everything will end in peace. I
regretted the day i saw Mary in my
school and approached her, i regretted
the first day i had s*x with her thinking have seen a cheap girl to do hit and run
on, i regretted the day i connived with
her to play on Bola’s intelligence..how
will i avert this calamity that is coming. They said i will be killed by weekend,
what is the assurance that i will see the
coming weekend? What is the tendency
that the stupid Opa won’t get angry one
of this day and pull the trigger on me
just like she was boasting earlier…what exactly will happen to me by weekend.
Today is Thursday which means i only
have maximum of three days on earth
going by their confirmation. I started thinking of my parent, how
they will feel, what of Biola my wife? I
don’t even know what the situation will
be at home with them. The trouble that
would have been going on within my
Family. What exactly will happen to my work?
My career, everything i have worked
for..All is ending just because of
5minutes enjoyment. I know if i should
come back to this world, i will never
attempt adultery again in my life, i will be satisfied with whatever and whoever
God pushes to me as my fiancée of
girlfriend. I started praying to God for forgiveness
and seeking for his divine intervention
as there was no hope again. I wiped off
my tears as i believe crying will never
solve anything again. What is
happening is definitely beyond crying as it is only God that can save me if at all i
had any chance. Who will come to my
rescue? Those were my thoughts after they left
me in the room as i started counting
down to my death.have regained a little
bit of strength with the food and milk
that i took, i tried to peep outside from
the window but all i could see was the wall of the building that i was in. I think to the extent that my mind
couldn’t take it again, i didn’t even
know if i slept off or something but i
realized and came back to my senses
when the door opened… SK: This is your afternoon food oga….. Me: Am not hungry SK: what is my own with you are not
hungry? You better eat now before
Mama and other babes walk in because
you will definitely blame yourself Me: Please, am not hungry..please SK,
can i ask you something… SK: what is that? Me: Where am i? SK: You are in a room or where do you
think you are Me: I mean Location… SK: You are crazy..you better eat your
food now because what is coming after
you tonight will be bloody and i hope
you will be able to take it..For your
information, flaky is around Me: Who is flaky? SK: The lady that fuccked you to death
and she don ready to continue from
where she stopped so you better eat for
enough strength and pray to your God
for mercy Me: Mo ku oooo SK: You are not dead yet..wait till
weekend oga, they will be doing like
someone that couldn’t kill a mosquito
after they have committed great
crime….you better start eating now I accepted my fate and concentrated on
the food they brought for me, SK didn’t
hesitate to taste part of the food before
i started eating, she make sure i finished
eating my food and i was surprised she
took the remnant of the food and eat it in my presence before stepping out of
the room…

To Be Continued…



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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I’ll always choose you.” Yes that was the word. “Every single lifetime, I’ll choose you. Just as you have always chosen me. Forever.

-Lauren KateRelated

We never pay attention to a part of body unlesss it pains. Dont let it happen in relationships!Related
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