#SMS Jokes Hashtag:


Man: “I’ll have a rum and coke”

Waiter: “Is pepsi ok?”

Man: “Sure whatever”

*Waiter hands you a pepsi and coke*Related

On a crowded bus, Banta noticed that Santa had his eyes closed. “What’s the matter? Are you sick?” he asked.
“No, I’m okay. It’s just that I hate to see old ladies standing”, replied Santa.Related

Sometimes when you cry, no one sees your tears.

Sometimes when you are worried, no one sees your pain.

Sometimes when you are happy, no one sees your smile.

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But fart just once…Related

Me: siri tell me a joke.

*Siri turns on front camera*Related

Q: Why did Santa take his pregnant wife Jeeto to Pizza Hut?

A: Because they advertised `free delivery`Related

Santa: Women are like microwaves.

Banta: How? Because they cook food?

Santa: No. Because they are hazardous to our health.Related

Maths and Women are the two most complicated things in this world;
But









Maths, at least has LOGIC!Related

A programmer was smoking (?_?_?_?(?_?_?_ ?_?_?_?_?_??_?( )??~A Lady said,”Can’t you see the warning! Smoking is injurious to health!”.
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He replied “We bother only about ‘ERRORS’ not ‘WARNINGS’!!!Related

Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from
NASA to SATYANASA.Related

Banta: Are you going to attend the boss’ funeral?

Santa: Oh No! I’m working today. My motto is business before pleasure.Related

Valentines Day is over.

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Results will be declared on 14 November!Related

On a crowded bus, Banta noticed that Santa had his eyes closed. “What’s the matter? Are you sick?” he asked.
“No, I’m okay. It’s just that I hate to see old ladies standing”, replied Santa.Related

A doctor was really pissed off by the constant visits of Jeeto who wanted to lose some of her excess weight. She never showed any results as she couldn’t diet or follow the exercise plan.

Jeeto: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?

Doctor: Cut your head off.Related

During a recent password audit, it was found that Santa was using the following password on his office desktop system:

BittuPappuLuckyHappySonuPinkyRaniGuddi

Office Aministrator: Why such a long password?

Santa: Because the policy states that it has to be at least 8 characters long.Related

Did you hear about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!Related

The past of eat is ate and the future of ate is…

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Weight.

And the most funny part is that people realise it when its TOO LATE!Related

Banta: Did you hear the news? Anil drank so much, his wife left him!

Santa: Bartender! Give me six large, on the rocks!Related

“Mum”, said the son to his ageing blonde mother, “When you go, do you want to be buried or cremated?”

“I don’t mind”, replied the mother. “Surprise me!”Related

Meanwhile in Punjab:

Doctor: Yeh Goli ‘Tongue’ ke Niche Rakhna.

Santa: Kehdi Tang, Left ya Right?Related

If

Gin

Rum

Vodka

Tequila and

Whiskey

are called Spirits; then all my friends are Spiritual!Related

Babli: Mama, Pappu beats me.

Jeeto: Oh dear! How often?

Babli: Every time we play Scrabble!Related

Google took my memory. Twitter my friends and now spell check is busy f**king my spellings!Related

Wife: I Have Changed My Mind.

Husband: Thank God ! Does The New One Work Now?Related

The new disaster training code:


Whenever Asaram says HARI OM, the female devotees should HURRY HOME!Related

There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows any one of them!Related

Santa: What’s going on at neighbours?

Pappu: It’s someone’s birthday.

Santa: Whose?

Pappu: Tuyu’s!

Santa: Tuyu?

Pappu: Yes. I heard them distinctly singing in chorus, “Happy Birthday Tuyu!”Related

American Lifestyle:

Daughter: Sorry Dad, I got married yesterday. Forgot to invite you.

Dad: You naughty girl! It’s OK but don’t forget me next time!Related

Jeeto: I have changed my mind.

Santa: Thank God ! Does the new one works now?Related

Teacher to Pappu: If both of your parents were born in 1965, how old would they say they are now?


Pappu: That depends.


Teacher: It does? Depends on what?


Pappu: On if you ask my father or my mother!Related

Santa: Dr, I think I need glasses.

Teller: You certainly do! This is a bank!Related

HR Head addressing employees:


This year too, increments will be as per the Bell Curve.


One of the Employees: What is that?


HR Head: Let me put it in Hindi, “Ghanta Milega!”Related

On a crowded bus, Banta noticed that Santa had his eyes closed. “What’s the matter? Are you sick?” he asked.
“No, I’m okay. It’s just that I hate to see old ladies standing”, replied Santa.Related

Pappu: Will you go out with me?

Girl: No.

Pappu: Do you even know what I said?

Girl: Yes.

Pappu: What did I say then?

Girl: Will you go out with me?

Pappu: Sure.Related

Three generations of Bachchans – BigB, WannaB, and now BayB.Related

Teacher: Write down how will you create a Binary Tree?

Pappu: By sowing a binary seed.Related

What’s the biggest pressure for Pak captain when Pak needs 1 run to win in 8 ovrs, with 5 wickets in hand?

Ya Allah! How to speak English in presentation ceremony?Related

Alcohol is like the liquid version of Photoshop!Related

A reasent studdi haz shon dat peepal hoo aar vary samaart end gud lukeeng maik manee spallings meestaikes… vaat ees yorr opeeniun?Related

Preeto 2 maid: Oh Kanta, I hv reason 2 suspect that Banta is having an affair with his secretary.

Kanta: I don’t believe it! U r just trying 2 make me jealous.Related

Santa calls at the airport, “How long is the journey from Chandigarh to Delhi?

Receptionist: 45 Minutes, Sir!

Santa: Only that much! Thanks, I rather walk then spend so much on the air fare.Related
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